When One Piece is Missing, Everything Falls Apart (Part 1)
[Sam and Diane's house. Morning]
(Diane is sleeping lying on her side and covered with the duvet. Sam's side is empty. When Diane wakes up, she frowns and lifts the duvet in confusion. Seeing a patch of brown hair, she opens her eyes wide, gets up and walks to the bathroom, slowly because of the shock. Sam is shaving with the door open. When Diane sees him with his back turned, she looks up at his head and, seeing the bald spot, screams holding her hands to her mouth and dropping the hair replacement. Sam, hearing her scream, is startled and the razor slips out of his hands. When he turns to check what has made Diane scream, she lowers her head in embarrassment. Sam, seeing the piece of hair on the floor, screams shattered and embarrassed, and Diane cannot help but laugh)
Diane: (Holding in her laughter) Now I know what to get you for your birthday.
(Sam looks at her angrily and runs to chase after her. Diane is startled by his reaction and runs off, but her feet gets caught in the sheet hanging on the bed and she falls off. Sam stands over her and stares at her as she turns around)
Sam: (Threateningly) Wanna say your last words?
Diane: Yes. I meant a hair transplant, not a toupee. And your secret is safe with me.
Sam: (Looks at her and, resigned, stands up and holds out his hand) It's a deal.
(Diane shakes his hand and then Sam pulls her up while she is still holding in her laughter)
Making your way in the world today
takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries
sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows your name
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
You wanna go where people know
people are all the same.
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
[Cheers. Evening]
(The bar is fairly crowded. Woody is behind the bar pouring drinks, Carla is serving customers by the piano, Cliff and Norm are in their usual stools, and Sam is in his office)
Diane: (Enters, cheerful and smiling) Hello, everyone!
Woody: You seem to be in a very good mood today, Miss Chambers.
Diane: (Happy, cheerful and smiling) I am. I finally feel everything is going well in my life for the first time in many years.
Woody: (Happy) I'm glad to hear that.
Carla: I'm not. When she's this happy, she won't shut up.
(Diane looks at Carla with a smirk as if to say "Don't be cruel". At one of the tables by the entrance, just down the stairs, a man in his 70's, dressed in a suit and looking smart, beckons to Carla)
Customer: A beer, please.
Carla: Coming up.
Diane: (Putting on her apron) Don't worry, I'll just do my job and keep my joys to myself. I won't let you ruin my mood.
Carla: Thank you.
(Carla pours the beer for the man and, as she leaves, he takes a sip and grimaces)
Customer: Hey, lady!
Diane: Yes?
Customer: This beer tastes weird. Could you take a sip to see if it's my imagination or if the other waitress put something strange in it?
(Diane turns to look at Carla, sighs in annoyance, walks over to the man's table, tastes the beer and grimaces)
Diane: Yes, it does taste a bit weird.
Customer: What a relief! Then it wasn't my thing (laughs).
Diane: I'll get you another one.
Customer: Thank you very much. If I may give you a tip, clean the beer tap just in case, and wash the glass more thoroughly than usual. (Smiles) My brother used to have a bar.
Diane: (Smiles) I will do that. (To herself, as she walks to the bar) This Carla... Even if she's angry, it's not fair to take it out on customers. Besides, this one doesn't even look obnoxious. (Empties the mug, washes it well, cleans the beer tap, pours the beer into a new mug and serves it to the man) Here you have, and sorry for the inconvenience and for my co-worker's mistake.
Customer: It's all right, I guess she's had a bad day.
Diane: Rather a bad life.
Customer: Oh, I feel her. Don't worry, just being more focused for the next ones is enough. It would be a shame for a place like this to lose customers. It has lots, lots of charm.
Diane: (Smiles and looks around) That's true. Enjoy your drink.
Customer: Thank you, I will.
(...)
(Hours later, seeing Diane like in slow motion and pretty lifeless, Sam looks at her puzzled)
Sam: Diane, are you all right? You look a bit... I don't know, weird.
Woody: (Concerned) And you're kind of pale...
Carla: (Turns to look at her) Nah, that's her usual color. It's the soulless color. Like Frasier's ex-wife.
(Sam and Norm smirk at the snarky comment)
Diane: (Quite off) Actually... I'm not feeling well. I was going to ask you if I could go home early.
Sam: (Untying his apron) Yeah, sure. Woody, stay in charge while I drive Diane home.
Carla: Don't you realize what she's doing? She's fooling you! She's lying so she can get you into bed. Or maybe she wants to leave early 'cause there's an opera or a play she wanna see. It's always the same thing.
(Carla, annoyed, turns and starts wiping the tables, ready to ignore what she assumes is going to be Diane's stupid excuse)
Diane: (Very off) No, it's not...
(Diane, who was leaning on the bar, catches her breath before finishing the sentence as if she is having trouble going on, sways a little and collapses as her eyes roll back and then shut)
Sam, Cliff and Norm: (Frightened and startled) Diane! / Woody: (Frightened and startled) Miss Chambers!
(Hearing them scream, all the bar patrons startle and Carla turns around startled and is shocked to see her fall. Worried, Sam steps out of the bar and runs to where Diane is, and Norm jumps out of his stool and runs to her; Cliff follows him walking more calmly; and Woody, scared, jumps over the bar, runs to Diane and holds her. The patrons, frightened and worried, stay in their seats watching the scene and whispering about what has happened)
Cliff: (To Woody) When a person faints, you have to pull their legs up, kid.
Sam: (Rolls and pushes a chair towards them, very nervous) I'll get my cologne! I bet that'll wake her up!
(Norm, worried, pulls her legs up on the chair)
Carla: (Annoyed) Sam, leave her alone, I'm sure it's just one of her usual tricks to get something!
Norm: Diane... (Shakes her arm and gets scared) I wouldn't say that, she's getting cold as ice.
Carla: (Startled) Is she dead?! Check her pulse, Woody!
(Woody, following Carla's orders, gently holds Diane's head and puts two fingers on her neck)
Cliff: (Very calmly) It must be a drop in blood pressure. What you have to do when that happens is...
Woody: (Very scared) Call an ambulance! (Seeing Sam come out of his office) Sam, leave the cologne! She's freezing and her heart's beating faster than mine after running away for feeding dog food to the bull! I don't know anything about medicine, but this can't be good.
(Sam and Norm pale in fright; Cliff and Carla get very serious; and Cliff, Norm and Carla look at each other as Sam rushes to grab the phone)
(...)
[Massachusetts General Hospital. Night]
(Sam and Woody are in the waiting room. Woody is crying and Sam is visibly nervous)
Sam: (Annoyed) Would you stop crying?!
Woody: (Tearful and scared) I'm sorry... I'm just worried. What if something happens to Miss Chambers?
Sam: (Somewhat annoyed) Nothing's gonna happen to her, she just fainted.
Woody: But there are people who have died from something like that. A neighbor of my uncle's for example.
Sam: (Somewhat annoyed) How old was he? Was he healthy?
Woody: No. 60 and he had heart problems.
Sam: (Somewhat annoyed) You see? Diane is still very young, she'll be fine.
Woody: Then why are you so nervous?
Sam: (Annoyed, he stands up abruptly) I'm not nervous!
(While Sam and Woody are arguing, a nurse comes. Sam does not see her because his back is turned to her and Woody does not see her because Sam covers her)
Nurse: Excuse me, are you Diane Chambers' husband and brother?
Sam: (Nervous) Boyfriend and friend. (Worried) How is she?
Nurse: She's still unconscious and we're having trouble stabilizing her.
(Hearing those words, Woody and Sam feel their stomachs turn and their hearts skip a beat)
Nurse: Do you know if she ate anything she was allergic to, if she mixed any medications, or if she exceeded her usual dose of any drug?
Sam: As far as I know, no, she didn't. Up until a while ago she seemed fine. And in all the time I've been with her I haven't seen her take any meds.
Nurse: All right. Then we'll have to wait for the lab results. In the meantime, we'll run a couple of tests on her to see if we can find out something. Please, be patient. It will probably take a couple of hours.
(As the nurse leaves, Sam sighs overwhelmed and sits down)
Woody: (Holding back) Am I allowed to cry now?
(Hearing this, Sam stands up resignedly and hugs him while he cries on his shoulder)
(...)
(A while later, Norm enters the waiting room where Sam and Woody are, worried)
Norm: (Worried) How is Diane?
Sam: (Nervous and worried) Worse than we thought. Doctors don't know what's wrong with her and she hasn't woken up yet, but they told us this is gonna take a long time, and things don't look good to me.
(Norm looks at them worried)
Sam: (Frustrated and worried, he clenches his fists, stands up abruptly and waves his arms violently) I don't get it! I really don't get it! Why does this have to happen right now?! When everything was going well! If it had happened before I would have thought the universe was trying to send me a sign or something to get me to wake up, but now?! It doesn't make sense!
Norm: Calm down, Sammy-
Sam: (Frustrated and worried) "Calm down"?! "Calm down"?! My girlfriend's been in there for over an hour and I don't even know if I'm gonna get to say "I love you" or "Will you marry me?" to her again! How do you want me to calm down?! How would you be if instead of Diane being the one in this situation it was Vera?!
Norm: (Is surprised at the question and looks at him seriously, sad and worried) Absolutely broken... But I would have faith because I trust the doctors. And I encourage you to do the same.
Sam: (Worried and distressed) I do trust them, but... I'm worried. (Sits down) Of all the times she's gotten on my nerves for one reason or another, this has been one of the worst.
Norm: Well, looking on the bright side, it's the first time she hasn't done it on purpose.
(Sam grins at the irony and Norm, seeing him, smiles too, sits down next to him and puts a hand on his back as a sign of support)
Norm: What do you like most about Diane?
Sam: Her eyes and smile. They're beautiful.
Norm: (Smiles) Yeah... What else do you like about her?
Sam: Her attitude when she's happy. She's so cheerful and energetic that I just cannot resist her. She's adorable.
Norm: (Incredulously) "Adorable"? To be honest, coming from you I expected something sexual before that. I'm surprised Sam Malone have those kinds of thoughts.
Sam: (Laughs a little) I'm not saying things in order, my top three things I like about her are tied for first place.
Norm: What's the last one?
Sam: How sexy she looks in lingerie, how cute she looks in sweaters and pajamas and how tempting she is in dresses and suits. It's just impossible to keep my thoughts pure. (Snorts for emphasis)
(Norm laughs)
Woody: The thing I like most about Miss Chambers is that she's so smart and such a nice person. In a bar where everybody's drinking you see a lot of immoral stuff, but Miss Chambers always tries to do the right thing. Besides... she's always been kind to me and given me good advice, well, most of the time... She is one of my favorite people and I love her a lot. She's like the big sister I never had. And I also really like what you said about her attitude and her eyes and smile, Sam. And about you I feel the same way. (Emotional) Thank you for being like siblings to me. (Hugs him)
Sam: No, thanks to you, Woody.
Woody: (Confused) Why?
Sam: For being a supportive brother who doesn't make me feel worthless.
(...)
[Morning]
(The nurse who talked to Woody and Sam last night comes up to them and sees Sam exhausted from staying up all night and Woody sleeping on his shoulder)
Nurse: Mr. Malone...
(Sam, startled and worried, stands up and Woody falls to the side and wakes up)
Nurse: We've managed to stabilize her.
(Sam sighs in relief and Woody looks at her very attentively)
Nurse: (Serious) But I have some bad news.
(Sam and Woody turn pale and look at her worriedly)
Nurse: The tests we've done show some organ damage.
(Sam and Woody freeze)
Sam: (Very worried) Does that mean that she's gonna..?
Nurse: We don't know yet. It's too early to tell.
(Sam looks at her very serious and scared and Woody starts crying again. Nervously, Sam signals for him to keep it down and Woody hugs him and leans on his shoulder to muffle the sound)
Nurse: We're doing everything we can, but she'll have to stay here until she recovers.
Sam: Any idea what happened to her?
Nurse: (Very serious) Yes... Miss Chambers... was poisoned...
(Hearing those words, Woody turns his head towards the nurse and they both look at her with wide eyes, very shocked. In the hours of waiting, Sam's mind had been going over a lot of different scenarios, but this was not one of them)
Sam and Woody: "Poisoned"?!
Nurse: Yes. The person who did it definitely wanted to kill her. A little more and they would have succeeded. We worked very hard to save her. Things now are quite touch and go, she has a high fever and she hasn't woken up yet, but it's only a matter of time before she does.
Sam: (Nervous) Can I see her?
Nurse: Yes. 10th floor. Room 104.
Sam: Thank you!
(Sam runs out and Woody follows him)
Woody: Sam, wait, you're going too fast!
(Sam, hearing Woody, stops in front of the elevator)
Sam: Woody, I think it's better if I go alone.
Woody: (Sketches a smile) I understand. You want it to be just the two of you.
Sam: No, it's not that. It's just that if the first thing Diane sees when she wakes up is you crying, she's gonna think the situation is more serious than it is.
Woody: But it's very serious. She could die.
Sam: (Nervous) I know, you don't have to remind me. Let me do the talking. (Pulls out his wallet and hands him a couple of coins) Here, use this to go buy a bottle of water from the vending machine. And then go home to have breakfast, kiss your wife and say hi to your son before you go to bed.
Woody: (Confused) "Go to bed"? How do you think I can do that knowing what you and Ms. Chambers are going through?
Sam: To sleep, you idiot.
Woody: Ah!
Sam: You've been here all night with me. Go home and get some rest. Take an afternoon shift today.
(...)
(Sam enters the room and is shocked to see Diane so pale, with several IVs, wires coming out of her gown and an oxygen cannula. Slowly, he walks towards her and caresses her cheek)
Sam: (Very sad and worried) Diane...
(Noticing the heat on her cheek, Sam pushes her bangs away and puts a hand on her forehead to check how hot she actually is. Worried, he sits down next to her, sighs overwhelmed and looks at her again. After a couple of seconds, he grabs her right hand between his hands and squeezes it a little)
Sam: Diane... Come on... You've gotta fight... You've gotta live... Y-You can't leave me after all we've been through... We're happy now... (On the verge of tears) Please don't leave me...
(Broken, Sam leans his head against Diane's hand and starts crying)
(...)
(In a dark background, an old man's voice is heard)
?: Diane, Diane...
(As Diane opens her eyes, Coach is seen sitting on her bed, staring at her, visibly scared and worried)
Coach: (Relieved) Thank goodness! You're so pale for a second I thought you were dead.
(Confused and terrified, Diane pales and opens her eyes wide)
Diane: What...?
Coach: (Frightened) What's wrong?! You look like you've seen a ghost...
(Diane, frightened, nods and Coach is startled and starts looking all around)
Coach: Where?! Where's the ghost?!
Diane: (Sitting up) No... Coach... I meant you.
Coach: (Laughs) You scared me, I thought you saw a real ghost! I can't be a ghost! I'm not wearing a white sheet, and I'm not see-through.
(Diane, in other circumstances, would have smiled at the comment, but she was too nervous and worried for that)
Diane: Do you know... how I died?
Coach: You're not dead! (Sad) Although it breaks my heart to see you like this. Diane, you have to promise me something.
Diane: What?
Coach: That you're gonna get well. (Diane smiles tenderly) You're too young, and it's too soon. You can't leave us.
Diane: Coach... You...
Coach: (Laughs) Oh, yes, honey, I've been dead for so long that sometimes I forget (laughs).
Diane: (Looks at him with a sad smile and a lot of love) You haven't changed a bit.
Coach: You have longer hair.
(Diane laughs)
Coach: And you look more grown up, but you still have the same eyes and smile as always. Although I've never seen you without makeup.
Diane: (Smiles, somewhat embarrassed) I must be a real mess right now.
Coach: Nonsense, you look as pretty as ever.
Diane: (Looks at him with sadness and affection) I miss you so much... We all do.
Coach: (Looks at her sadly and affectionately) I miss you too. But now go back to Sam, please. It breaks my heart to see him so sad and worried.
(Diane is surprised)
Coach: Yes, when I get bored, I look at you. Although today it was because I was worried. It was good to see you again. Say hi to Sam for me. And to Lisa. Tell her I'm very happy to be here with her mother. And that I really like that guy she's dating, Tom. (Confused) Or was his name Larry? No, Tom. Larry was a friend of mine.
Diane: (Laughs) You haven't changed a bit.
(...)
(As Sam is holding Diane's hand, she begins to open her eyes. Seeing her, Sam is surprised and startled and stands up)
Sam: Diane...
(When she is awake enough, he puts a hand on her back to pull her up and hugs her, startling her)
Sam: Don't ever do this to me again.
Diane: (Quite weak and somewhat confused, she looks out the window and realizes it is daytime) Please tell me you're not thinking we've lost one night of sex.
Sam: (Surprised at the question) No. (Nervous) Um... (Turns away and looks at her as she sits up, very serious) Diane... Someone tried to poison you.
(Hearing Sam, Diane's eyes open wide, frightened and very shocked)
Diane: What? Who?
Sam: We don't know yet.
Diane: (Scared, worried and nervous) What did the doctors say?
(All the time Sam had been with Diane before she woke up, doubt had been gnawing at him. How could he tell her the truth in a way she would not panic or burst into tears? He hated it when that happened, it was one of his weaknesses, and he knew that if she did it in such a delicate situation, he would not be able to handle it. The last thing he wanted was for her to see him break down. Although he had been thinking about it for quite a while, he had not come up with an answer. Thinking was not his greatest skill. In a fight he was able to say anything no matter how painful it was, but when one of his friends was going through a rough patch it was harder. And this time Diane was not just bad on an emotional level. Sam wondered if it was really a good idea for her to be aware of the seriousness of the situation. If he lied to her, it would probably put her mind at ease, but he knew that this time lying was not an option because if she did not hear it from him, she would hear it from Woody or the doctors. This scenario reminded him of when he and the boys invented a pen pal lover to try to cheer Carla up and when he did not gamble Woody's money because he was afraid he would lose all his savings. This time he would not make the same mistake, but he had to find a way to make it bearable)
Sam: That you're safe now. But your condition is delicate. The poison did some damage to your organs and you need medicine and rest.
(Hearing those words, Diane freezes)
Diane: (Very scared and on the verge of tears) Sam, am I going to...?
(Seeing Diane on the verge of tears and so scared, Sam feels something break inside him. When he hears the monitor going off, he looks at it in panic and looks at Diane worriedly, and this time he decides to hide some of the information)
Sam: Calm down, your pulse is going up. Nothing is gonna happen to you, it just gonna take some time for you to get back to normal.
(Diane sighs in relief and hugs Sam crying. When she can no longer see him, Sam slyly wipes his tears with his finger, takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling, trying to calm down. When he is calm enough, he looks straight ahead, still hugging her)
Sam: (Serious) Diane... before you say anything, I want to apologize for all the times I've wanted to kill you and for all the times I've made you angry, sad or worried because I was being a jerk. (He hugs her tightly)
Diane: And I want to apologize for hurting you, and for that time I tried to choke you with the phone. (She breaks away from the hug and looks him in the eyes, very seriously) But before that I have to ask you an important question.
Sam: No, I didn't think about sex at any point. There's no way I would do it with you like this.
Diane: (Sad) It hurts...
Sam: (Worried and alert) What hurts?! Should I call a nurse?! Because I doubt you're talking about not thinking about sex...
Diane: No. What hurts me is that the only times you don't think of me that way is when I'm sick or depressed.
Sam: Sorry, you know it's hard for me.
Diane: (Annoyed) Yeah... But that wasn't it. What I wanted to know was: Did my heart stop at any moment?
Sam: (Surprised at the question and puzzled) Not as far as I know. Why do you ask me that?
Diane: Because... I saw Coach...
(Sam is surprised and gets somewhat scared)
Diane: I guess it had to be a dream. (Smiles tenderly) Although I'd like to think that it was really him...
Sam: Did he say anything to you?
Diane: Yes. He send his regards to you. And also to Lisa, his daughter. He asked me to tell her that he's happy with his wife, that he likes the guy she's dating now, that he misses you all and that he watches us all the time. He also asked me to please come back to you.
Sam: In a romantic way?
Diane: No, in that sense I think he already knows we're together. He meant physically. Sam, I'm sorry to change the subject so abruptly, but... Do I have a fever? I feel awful.
Sam: Yes. (Concerned, he picks up the thermometer from the bedside table) Stay still for a moment and don't talk.
Diane: Wait, before that... Do I look too bad?
Sam: No. (With a playful smile) You're smoking hot. (He touches her forehead and makes a gesture as if he was burned by fire) Ow... See?
(Diane looks at him like saying "I'm not in the mood for jokes right now")
Sam: (Smiles and puts the thermometer in her mouth) Even without makeup and over 40 you look good. But you don't have a nice color, you're quite pale, and slightly yellow. (Waits and takes the thermometer) 103.6ºF. You're a wreck... Are you in pain?
Diane: No, but I feel awfully drowsy...
Sam: Then sleep tight. (He kisses her forehead and she smiles)
*Author's note. If this episode had taken place in a presumed Season 12, to shoot the scene where Diane talks to Coach, a person of similar build and height to him would have been used, a hyper-realistic mask for his face, and a voice actor with a voice very similar to his would do the off-camera dialogue.