Bachelor Party on Land and Water
[Cheers. Morning]
(Happy, Sam enters pushing the door and with his arms outstretched sideways, in celebration)
Sam: Hey, fellas, I'm engaged!
Carla: (Sad and upset) No...!
Woody: That's great! Congratulations!
Carla: (Sad and upset) When did that happen? We didn't lose sight of you all day.
Sam: When you left. I asked her in the garden. (Happy) This time she said yes at first try!
Carla: Can I give you a nice bachelor party at least?
Sam: No. Knowing you, you'd do something to piss Diane off.
Carla: Wouldn't you?
Sam: Honestly, no. I'm tired of being single, I wanna get married and have kids. Last time I complained about having one woman for the rest of my life karma paid me back with almost 10 years of single life. I was thinking I might replace the traditional bachelor party with a boys' day: going to the woods, movie and pizza. But don't say anything to Cliff and Paul. Otherwise Cliff will spend the whole time telling us facts about anything we see.
Carla: Don't worry, I'd be the last one to rat you out.
Sam: I know, I was saying that for Woody.
Woody: Am I invited?
Sam: Yes, you are.
Woody: Great, then I won't say anything. (Confused) Won't you play a porno again, right?
Sam: No, no. I was thinking of an adventure one.
Woody: Okay.
Sam: Although an erotic one wouldn't be a bad choice either...
Making your way in the world today
takes everything you've got.
Taking a break from all your worries
sure would help a lot.
Wouldn't you like to get away?
Sometimes you wanna go
where everybody knows your name
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see
our troubles are all the same.
You wanna be where everybody knows your name.
You wanna go where people know
people are all the same.
You wanna go where everybody knows your name.
[Cheers. Afternoon]
Norm: (Entering) Afternoon, everybody.
All: Nooorm!
Woody: The usual, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: No, today I feel like changing it up a bit, serve it to me with your left hand.
Sam: (Smiles) Now that Cliff is in the toilet, would you like to come to the woods one of these days? Boys' afternoon.
Norm: I'm in.
Cliff: (Leaving the men's room) What are you in for, Normie?
Norm: Free beer.
Sam: (Quietly, to himself, as he turns to pour beer) What one has to do to have fun.
Carla: If you really wanted to have fun, you wouldn't have gotten back with Diane.
Sam: If I told you that the biggest fights we've had these past two months were over the house, would you believe me?
Norm: I would. When Vera and I moved in, it was hell. I ended up telling her to do whatever she wanted to do.
Carla: Considering that you spend more time here than at your place it seems fair to me.
(Hearing Carla, Norm turns his head slightly to one side, as if to say "Well, that's true")
Diane: (Entering) Hello, everyone. (Happy, she goes over to kiss Sam) Especially to my fiancé. (She kisses him)
Norm and Cliff: (Surprised) You're engaged?!
Diane: (Offended and hurt) You didn't tell them?!
Sam: I said it this morning. These two just got here.
Diane: Then I forgive you. (She kisses him again) Let me go to the toilet first.
(At that moment, a stunning woman who was coming in, sits at the bar. She has a curvy figure and a flirtatious attitude. Upon seeing her, Sam is surprised)
Customer: Sorry, I couldn't help overhearing about the engagement. (Hands Sam a card) Here's my card if you want to hire my services. (Seeing Norm and Cliff staring at her, wide-eyed) Is something wrong?
(Norm and Cliff, as usual, begin to babble nervously, leading to a pathetic scene where they prove once again their inability to talk to attractive women they do not know)
Customer: Are you okay?
Carla: They're just idiots, ignore them. What will you have?
Customer: A Manhattan.
Woody: Coming right up.
Sam: About your services...
Customer: Natalie.
Sam: Natalie. You're a very attractive girl, and I don't wanna sound ungrateful or anything, (handing her back the card) but I don't have that kind of party in mind for my bachelor party this time.
Carla: (Surprised and shocked) No... I can't believe it... Sam Malone... He just turned down an attractive woman...
Diane: (At the toilet door) And I'm proud of him.
Woody: Here's your Manhattan, miss.
Customer: Thank you. (Flirting) I hadn't noticed, but you have a very sexy birthmark.
Woody: Thank you, I got it when I took the pizza out of the oven.
(Diane, hearing Woody's response and seeing the girl's perplexed face, smiles)
Diane: (Quietly, to the customer) There's no point in trying, he's married.
Customer: Oh, well... You can keep my card, though. If you see someone in the bar needs it, you can always offer my recommendation.
Diane: (Takes it) I'll take care of it.
Norm: Cliffie, Sam said earlier you got here just a little before I did. Did your mother make meatballs?
Cliff: (Surprised) How did you know? I didn't even tell you she came to visit me!
Norm: It's... the smell of your uniform (smiles). (Smells it and delights in it) Aahh...
(Seeing Norm's goofy face drooling over the meatballs, Diane, Woody and Sam laugh and Diane grabs her apron)
Cliff: But I wasn't late because of the meatballs. It's was because there was a very interesting documentary on the reproduction process of animals on the TV. You know, Norm? In a large number of species there are physical differences between the male and the female. But if they are physically the same, you only have to observe them in heat to know which one is which.
Diane: Yes, the one that makes a fool of himself is the male.
Carla: (Laughs) That's a good one.
Diane: (Smiles, happy to have had a nice comment from Carla) Thank you.
Sam: (Quietly, to Woody) See what I meant?
Diane: Carla, I was thinking... For my bachelorette party I was planning of inviting some friends over and having a slumber party. Would you like to come? It will be relaxing and fun.
Carla: You talk way too much for anything to be either of those two things.
Diane: Don't say that! We're going to have a few drinks while we tell anecdotes, and we're also going to have facials and hair treatments. Why don't you join us? You'll get to hear lots of funny and pathetic stories about little and young Diane. And I promise you that by the end your skin will be so glowy no one will think you have eight kids.
Carla: Okay, I accept. (Diane smiles excitedly) But if you get on my nerves, I'll get my revenge. Do you know where and when the wedding will be?
(Diane and Sam look at each other)
Sam: Actually, we haven't talked about it yet. The only thing we know for sure is that it won't be at Cheers.
Diane: How about the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum?
Sam: I'm not gonna get married in a museum.
Diane: It's not a museum like the ones you're thinking of! The inner courtyard is like a garden, it's really nice. And it has a mosaic floor that's perfect for the ceremony. Let's do one thing. Let's have a date on Saturday afternoon. That way you can see it and tell me what you think.
Norm: Diane, are you sure you can have a wedding at a place like that?
Diane: If I remember correctly, they sometimes hold events. But a friend of mine from university works there, I can ask her to talk it over with her boss. In any case, it would be a very short ceremony, and with just a few guests.
Cliff: If you're gonna get married, it better be soon. I'm flying to Florida in a week, and I wouldn't want to miss that.
Diane: I think we can get everything ready in time if we organize well. I'll talk to my friend tonight, tomorrow I'll go buy the dress and on Thursday when the museum is open late we can have a date after work and then go buy the wedding rings. Then I'd have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.
Woody: Is the old thing because you're both already-?
(Sam and Diane glare at him)
Sam: (Angrily) Don't even dare to finish that sentence.
Diane: Forty is not old. It's true that our skin isn't as smooth as when we were 20 or 30, and we don't have the same agility, but we don't look old and we still have the same joy and energy as we did when we were 30. Well, maybe a bit less.
Woody: Then what were you talking about?
Diane: The old thing is the engagement ring, the new thing will be the wedding dress, the borrowed thing will be whatever the dress costs that I will give back to my mother when I financially recover from the wedding rings and the blue thing will be my eyes.
Carla: (Mocking) Are you gonna take them off for the ceremony?
Diane: No. And I'm sorry about skipping a night. You can call someone to take my place until I get back from my honeymoon if you want.
Carla: If you don't come back better, then I get a better co-worker.
(Diane looks at her as if to say "Don't you get tired of teasing me?")
Sam: Great, then I have Wednesday afternoon left for the bachelor party. Friday we close the bar and go to the beach, Saturday we get married and Sunday we catch a plane to paradise.
Diane: No, please, I don't want to spend half of my honeymoon waiting in line and the other half screaming.
Carla: Sounds like a good idea to me. Hopefully you'll come in hoarse and I'll like my job (smiles).
(Diane looks at her with disapproval)
Sam: Don't worry, I've decided to save Disneyland for later, for when we have children, so they can enjoy it too. Five years is not that long. I waited almost ten for you. (Puts his hands on her arms and squeezes gently) I promise you'll love the places I've chosen.
Diane: (Surprised) "Places"? Plural?
Sam: Yes, you'll enjoy sun and beach, nature and cultural stuff you like, but in exchange I want to go to the amusement park at least one day.
Diane: (Shakes his hand, happy and smiling) Deal.
(...)
[Wednesday]
(Sam is driving. Woody is next to him and Norm is in the back drinking beer from a mug)
Woody: I think we'd better stop here, Sam.
Sam: (Puzzled) Are you carsick? Or did watching Norm drink so much beer make you wanna make a tree your own?
(Norm laughs)
Woody: No, it's not that. There's hardly any gas left in the car.
Sam: (Surprised and startled, he looks at it) What?! Oh, no... How could this happen to me?!
Norm: Everyone has a slip-up, Sammy.
Sam: Yeah, especially when your fiancée leaves a lingerie catalog on the bed before she goes to work... (Holds his hands to his head, as if swearing at his own stupidity)
Norm: Well, there's no point in complaining anymore. Let's go have some fun. We'll get gas at the first gas station we get on the way back.
(The three of them take off their seat belts and get out of the car. As Woody sees the scenery, he runs to take pictures with the camera he is carrying)
Sam: Woody, what are you doing?
Woody: I'm taking pictures.
Sam: I can see that. I was asking you why.
Woody: To show Kelly and Oakley the animals.
Norm: But there aren't any.
Woody: Not big enough for the human eye. But the camera... The camera is different (smiles).
(Sam looks at Norm as if to say "What do we do with this idiot?" and Norm shrugs. Resigned, the two start to walk)
(...)
Norm: Sammy, can we take a lunch break? I'm starving...
Sam: All right. To be honest, I'm getting kinda hungry too.
(Relieved, Norm sits on a large rock and Woody sits on a smaller one next to him. Sam, as there is none closer, goes over to move one to put it next to them. As he lifts the rock, he screams and holds his hand to his ankle)
Woody: (Surprised) A scorpion! (Takes pictures) I hope they're not all blurry...
(Sam, seeing Woody's reaction, looks at him angrily. Norm runs away from the scorpion and looks at Woody in bewilderment)
Sam: (In pain) That's all we needed! The way back is gonna be fun. Norm, get back to the car and call 911 to see what they recommend.
Norm: I highly doubt there are any payphones around here.
Woody: Don't worry, Kelly gave me a cell phone for my birthday.
Sam: Is there any reception?
Woody: Not much, but enough to make a call. (Dials the number)
[On the other side] Operator: 911. How can we help you?
Woody: My friend picked up a rock in the woods and a bug underneath stung him.
[On the other side] Operator: A scorpion?
Woody: No, he's a Libra, and I'm a Leo.
[On the other side] Operator: No, I mean what animal was it?
Woody: Well, it's true he was a bit rough, but he's good guy.
(Sam, angry and fed up with Woody's stupidity, limps over to him and snatches the cell phone out of his hand)
Sam: Give me that! Hello? (Looks at Woody angrily) Be thankful I can't run, otherwise I'd tie you to a tree and go back alone. (Gives him the cell phone) Call Carla. I'm sure she knows what to do.
Woody: Okay. (Dials) Carla? We need some help. Sam's been stung by a scorpion and his car's out of gas.
[On the phone] Carla: (Sighs resignedly) I'm coming to the rescue. Give me your location.
Woody: I'm sitting on a rock.
[On the phone] Carla: (Frustrated and angry) You chucklehead, I mean what direction-!
Woody: Vertical. How else would I sit?
[On the phone] Carla: (Fed up and angry, takes a deep breath to calm down) Put Sammy on.
(Woody hands the phone to Sam)
[On the phone] Carla: While I go get you, wash the bite with soap and water and put a bottle of cold water on it, that will help with the pain and swelling.
Sam: I don't have any soap...
[On the phone] Carla: (Sighs resignedly) I never thought I would say this, but Diane would have been useful in a situation like this.
Sam: Are you kidding? I can tell you haven't seen her in the countryside or in sports situations. If she had come with us, we would be the ones giving her first aid.
[On the phone] Carla: Yeah, but at least she'd be smart and foresighted enough to carry a first aid kit. Let's do one thing. You lean on Norm and Woody and have them help you get to the car. I'm on my way. Do you know the exact location?
Sam: No idea, Green Mountain Forest in Vermont, around the beginning.
[On the phone] Carla: (Annoyed) You had to go to another state. You better pay for my gas.
Sam: With interest.
[On the phone] Carla: I'm on my way.
Sam: I'm gonna need a little help to get to the car.
(Norm and Woody run to him and Sam leans on them)
(...)
[Massachusetts General Hospital]
(Woody and Norm are in the waiting room waiting for Sam, Woody waiting for him to come out and Norm looking at a magazine. At that moment, Diane walks up to the reception desk)
Woody: (As if meeting her on the street, he greets her with a smile) Miss Chambers!
(Diane, seeing Woody and Norm, is surprised and, realizing that Sam is not there, gets a bit worried, but before she can ask for him, Sam comes out. Seeing her, he is quite surprised)
Sam: Diane?!
Diane: Sam?!
Sam: (Annoyed) Did you call her?!
(Woody y Norm shake their heads)
Diane: What are you doing here?! (Angry) No, don't tell me! (Sad, disappointed and angry) I knew you were lying to me! Spit it out! What was it?! A groin injury trying to impress the stripper?!
Sam: (Somewhat annoyed) No! There was no stripper! I didn't lie about the woods! It was a scorpion sting. If you don't believe me, read this. (Hands her the paper)
Diane: (Looks at it) With all the nurses you know this has no credibility.
Sam: Good thinking. Just so you can see I'm not lying to you... (He lifts up his pants and shows her the sting. Diane, seeing it, is startled) Look, I don't blame you for not trusting me because I've given you reasons for it, all the years before, but I told you I just wanted to have fun with the guys while we talked about men stuff. It wasn't my intention to end up seeing nurses before the night... or real ones... (Diane sighs resignedly and rolls her eyes at the comment) Now tell me, what are you doing here? Were you spying on me?
Diane: No. I came to get some tests done.
Sam: (A little worried) What? "Tests"? Is there something wrong?
Diane: Not really. Remember the poison caused some organ damage?
Sam: (A little scared) Yes.
Diane: The tests are to see if it also affected the reproductive system. My period was supposed to come a few days ago, but it hasn't come yet.
Sam: (Very surprised) You're pregnant?! At 40 you can't be menopausal, can you?
(Diane, annoyed by his lack of sensitivity, hits him on the arm with the folder she was holding)
Diane: Don't be rude! At 40 it's possible, but it usually happens around 50. In any case, I don't think you have to worry about that. The doctor told me there is nothing unusual in the ultrasound and that it's probably just a delay. Between the stress of the wedding and what happened it's normal for the body to get out of balance. All this things have an impact on our hormones. We have to wait for the results of the blood test. If there are any problem, we'll have to fix it before looking for the baby. If there is no problem, by this time next year we will be in the pediatric section instead of the ER (smiles).
(...)
[Friday. In front of Cheers]
(Woody has the car parked. Kelly is in the passenger seat and out the window peeks a blond-haired, blue-eyed boy, between two and three years old, watching very curiously. Sam parks Diane's car and gets out with her. Carla arrives walking and loaded with bags and Cliff arrives in his car next to Norm, who is drinking a can of beer)
Carla: Okay, which one of you is gonna drive me?
Sam: What happened to your car?
Carla: It's in the garage. Yesterday the twins crashed it into a wall.
Woody: Our car is full.
Carla: (Looks) Why don't you put the stuff in the trunk?
Woody: Because Kelly told me she wanted things close at hand. (Quietly) She's afraid you'll get mad and start swearing in front of our son.
Sam: I've seen her in a traffic jam and even if she were in the trunk, you'd hear her swearing.
Carla: So my choices are Cliff or Diane... And the drive is an hour and a half... (To Sam, excited) Can I sit in the passenger seat?
(Sam and Diane smile as if to say "Carla being Carla")
Diane: I'll give you my seat if that's what you want, but on one condition: don't mess with me.
Carla: (Happy) Deal.
(Sam opens the trunk, Carla leaves all her things there and runs to get into the car. Diane, seeing her, smiles and gets into the car too)
Cliff: I feel offended. Why wouldn't someone want to be in a car with me?
Diane: (Hearing Cliff comment, leans out the window and looks at him with slight disapproval and a glint of disdain) I can think of a couple of reasons. (She gets her head inside the car and close the window)
Cliff: (Places a hand on Norm's shoulder) Good thing I have you, Normie.
Norm: Yeah, good thing...
(Cliff and Norm get into the car, Sam goes first, Woody next and Cliff last. In Sam's car, Carla turns on the radio, tunes the station and Dire Straits' Walk of Life starts playing. As the song starts, Sam and Carla begin to sing and Diane smiles when she hears them)
Sam and Carla: Here comes Sammy singing oldies goldies / Be-Bop-A-Lula, baby what I say / Here comes Sammy singing "I Gotta Woman" / Down in the tunnels, trying to make it pay / He got the action, he got the motion / Oh yeah, the boy can play / Dedication, devotion / Turning all the night time into the day / He do the song about the sweet lovin' woman.
Carla: (Looking at Diane with a psycho face) I do the song about the knife.
(Diane looks at her with a "She's mad" look on her face)
Sam and Carla: He do the walk, do the walk of life / Yeah, he do the walk of life.
(...)
(Upon reaching the beach, Woody and Kelly's son runs out into the water with his arm floats on and Kelly runs out after him. Seeing this, Carla smiles remembering when her kids were little and Diane smiles thinking that she and Sam will probably be like this in a couple of years)
Sam: Hey, Norm, isn't Vera coming?
Norm: No, she's working.
Diane: (Takes a deep breath and smiles, happy and relaxed) Aaaah... I love the smell of the sea.
Sam: Yeah, I feel like renting a boat and go sailing.
Carla: And I feel like trying to drown Diane.
Diane: (Looks at her in disapproval) I can swim.
Carla: I know, that's why I said "trying".
Sam: I think Diane has had more than enough murder attempts this year, let her have some fun.
Carla: Her idea of having fun is reading a book.
Sam: Right. If she's not in the water in an hour, I'll give you permission to wet her.
Diane: (Annoyed) Sam!
Sam: (To Carla) But don't get her book wet. If you do, I'll deduct it from your pay.
Carla: Deal.
(Diane, upon hearing them, rolls her eyes and sighs, fed up and resigned)
(...)
(On the beach, Diane is sitting in her swimsuit reading a book under an umbrella. Carla is a little further on, also in her swimsuit. Norm and Cliff are sitting near Diane, under another umbrella, drinking beer in their bathing suits and still wearing their T-shirts. Kelly is in her swimsuit on the shore playing with her son, who is wearing arm floats. Woody and Sam are next to Carla, standing in their swimsuits and shirtless, Woody is looking at Kelly and his son playing and Sam is enjoying the "views")
Cliff: Hey, Normie, have you heard about the new beach bar?
Norm: How could I have heard of it if it's my first time here? Cliff, my life has only three settings: Cheers, my office and my house.
Cliff: Well, I recommend it. I went a couple of weeks ago and I loved their McSandy.
Norm: (Laughs) Is it called McSandy?
(Hearing them, Diane and Carla look at them and smile)
Woody: Shall we play bury us?
Sam: Good idea!
Carla: I vote for burying Diane!
(Diane turns her head, looks at her and goes back to her book)
Norm: I'll volunteer.
Diane: (Angry and surprised) Norman!
Norm: To be buried. I wouldn't bury you, I'm not going to take away Sammy's fun.
Diane: (Looks at Sam) I think he's got other entertainments.
Carla: (Scoffing) Yeah, looking for curves.
Woody: If that were the case, he'd be looking in the opposite direction.
Diane: (Turns and sees there are no young women in that direction, so she assumes it was a compliment and smiles, flattered) Thank you, Woody.
Woody: (Touching Norm's belly) Now that's a curve.
(Diane, seeing that he was talking about Norm, looks at him baffled)
Carla: More like a beer belly. Anyway, if you don't want to play anything, I'm gonna take a dip.
Sam: I'll go with you. I need to cool down a bit.
Diane: (Glaring at him) We can see that.
(...)
(While Sam and Woody swim, Norm is buried with one arm out to drink beer, Cliff is next to Norm looking at some girls, Kelly is helping her son make a sand castle on the shore, Diane is lying on her stomach reading a book and Carla is walking out of the water. Seeing Diane, she smiles mischievously and walks over to Woody and Kelly's son)
Carla: (Affectionately) Oakley, would you mind lending me your bucket for a moment?
Oakley: Do you like castles?
Carla: I love them. Actually, I need it because Prince Sam asked me to help him.
Oakley: (Innocently) Okay. Here. (Gives her the bucket)
Kelly: (Confused) What does Sam need help with? He's in the water.
Carla: (Filling the bucket) On turning Belle into Ariel. Don't say anything, and it's no lie, I have his permission. As long as I don't get the book wet, there's no problem.
(Carefully, Carla approaches Diane and, when she is behind her, pours the cold water on her back. Since she is wearing a backless swimsuit, it hits her hot skin full on. Startled, Diane screams, Cliff and Sam laugh, and Norm, Kelly and Woody look at her in surprise. Very angry, Diane turns to Carla and looks at her threateningly)
Diane: Carla...!
(Tired of her jokes, Diane stands up and starts chasing after her. Carla, seeing her run, is surprised, as she did not expect that reaction from her. Cliff and Norm look at each other in surprise; Sam looks at them from the water, enjoying the sight; and Kelly, Woody and little Oakley look at them in bewilderment. When Diane is close to Carla, she jumps on her back and knocks her to the ground, filling her all over with sand. Seeing such a Carla-like action coming from Diane, everyone is perplexed and looks at them in surprise. Diane, satisfied, stands up, shakes the sand off her hands and walks to the water to get rid of the rest. Carla, somewhat annoyed, turns around and looks at Diane with a smirk)
Sam: Come on, Diane, stop playing hard to get and come now! The water is great!
Diane: (Entering) It's cold.
Sam: That's because you've been in the sun too long. As soon as you swim a little, you'll warm up.
(As soon as Diane gets wet and the water is almost up to her waist, she jumps in. Sam is surprised to see her, and Carla smirks, hands the bucket back to Oakley, grabs a towel to dry off and sits in the sun. Sam swims over to Diane, hugs her around the waist, stands up and kisses her)
Woody: Hey, Miss Chambers, feel like swimming while we look at fish? I've got two extra goggles.
Sam: Why do you have three if it's just you and Kelly?
Woody: When I bought them I thought that if I ever found a dolphin or a big fish, I could put them on and see how they looked on them.
(Sam and Diane, upon hearing that idea, laugh)
Sam: Mind if I join you?
Woody: Who do you think the third pair of glasses were for?
(Out of the blue, Diane starts laughing and Sam and Woody look at her in bewilderment)
Woody: Did you remember something funny, or is a seaweed tickling your foot?
Diane: The first thing. I'm remembering when Sam looked like a fish (laughs). Now I'll be able to see a fish with goggles (laughs).
Sam: (Annoyed) Woody, you hold her, I'll dunk her head in the water.
(Diane, hearing Sam, jumps in the water again and swims away from him)
Sam: I'll go get the goggles.
(...)
(Underwater, Sam, Diane and Woody swim around looking for fish. At the sight of Sam, Diane starts laughing and lots of bubbles start coming out. Sam, tired of her being the only one laughing, grabs her cheeks, squeezes them and starts laughing at her face. When they both notice they are short of breath, they swim to the surface and breathe while laughing. Seeing them come up, Woody comes up too)
(...)
(Around noon, Sam, Diane and Woody get out of the water to join the rest and grab towels to dry off)
Carla: See how you ended up enjoying the water?
Diane: Of course I enjoyed it, but I would have enjoyed it more if you hadn't scared me.
Carla: Well, that's water under the bridge. Or under Diane (laughs). (Opening a basket) Would you like sandwiches?
Diane: Yes, thank you. I'm starving. (Picks one up)
Sam: Me too. (Picks up two)
(Woody, Cliff and Norm grab sandwiches and sit down)
Sam: (Pats his lap twice) Come, sit down here with me.
Diane: No, thanks. I know you and you'll probably have to go to the water between sandwiches. (Keeps eating)
Sam: (Flirting) We can also go to the car.
Oakley: (Crying) Noooo! I don't wanna go!
Diane: (Nervous) No, no. (In a loving tone) Oakley, we're going to be here until sunset. There's no reason to cry.
Oakley: (Upset and confused) Huh? Then why Sam wants to go?
Carla: Sam doesn't want to leave the beach. Sam wants to go to the car to kiss Diane.
Oakley: He can kiss her here.
(Norm, Sam and Diane laugh at the little boy's innocence)
Diane: The thing is, Carla doesn't like to see couples kissing, but she has to get over that. (She kisses Sam and looks at Carla) See?
Carla: Yes, unfortunately I see it.
Diane: (Smiles resignedly) Don't be so rude. We're getting married tomorrow. This is almost a bachelor party for both of us, we want to enjoy it.
Carla: You guys stopped being bachelors two months ago. (Flirting) Though you still have time to regret it, Sammy.
Sam: (Laughing) Carla, I'm not gonna regret it. Diane is the one, she's always been.
(Diane smiles tenderly and moves in to kiss Sam, but before she can reach his lips, he hugs her back, pulls her down and kisses her, surprising her)
Carla: Hey, there are children looking, and adults...
(Sam puts Diane back in her place and she touches her lips and looks at him in surprise)
(...)
(After lunch, Sam and Woody are back in the water, Oakley is taking a nap lying on Kelly's lap, Diane is sitting under an umbrella reading her book, Norm and Cliff are drinking beer in the sun, and Carla is coming out of the water. When she is close to everyone, she approaches Norm and Cliff)
Carla: Hey, you slackers, won't you taste water?
Norm: I'm not gonna let salt get in my beer.
Cliff: And I've got plenty of time for that in Florida.
Carla: Shame on you, even Diane did it. (Looks at them with loathing and turns around annoyed) Those lazy bums...
(As she approaches Diane, Diane moves her book away in fear)
Carla: You idiot, I wasn't going to soak you, I was just grabbing a towel.
Diane: I'm sorry. (She takes Carla's towel and hands it to her)
Carla: Thanks. Hey, Diane, don't you agree with me that those two should taste the water?
Diane: If you're suggesting that I throw a bucket on them like you did to me, I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna do that.
Carla: I didn't say that, and that doesn't answer my question. Do you or don't you think they should take a dip?
Diane: (Leans forward and looks at them) Now that you mention it, Cliff is getting a bit red. He should cool off, he might get sunstroke. And Norman sure needs to exercise. Unlike Clifford, his job is static, and he spends many hours sitting at the bar drinking beer.
Carla: (With a mischievous grin) I can think of a good way to get them to exercise. (She opens her portable cooler and tells Diane to look)
(Diane, seeing two squirt guns, is surprised)
Diane: That's very cruel!
Carla: It's less cruel than the bucket.
Diane: To be honest, when you approached them I thought you were going to yell at them to get off their asses and get in the water.
Carla: I could have, but this is funnier (laughs).
(Diane smiles resignedly, puts a bookmark in her book, puts it away and stands up)
Diane: All right. But let me do one thing first. (She approaches Norm) Norman, have you finished your beer yet?
Norm: (Downs the last shot) I have now. Why? Are you gonna pour me one?
Diane: (Looks at him with a smile and picks up the can) No, today's my day off. I was asking to pick up the can. I thought I'd go take the garbage out later.
(Diane walks back to Carla, puts the can in a garbage bag to go recycle it later and picks up the squirt gun while looking at Carla. Carla, seeing Diane, smiles wickedly and, as Cliff and Norm talk, the two run towards them and start shooting at them while laughing. Cliff and Norm are surprised by the attack and run away screaming. Woody, noticing the commotion, taps Sam on the arm to make him turn around, and as soon as Sam sees the scene, he starts laughing and Woody smiles)
Woody: Looks like they're having fun.
Sam: Carla and Diane for sure (laughs). With Norm and Cliff I have my doubts. I never thought I'd see those two getting along. I wonder if she bribed her somehow.
(Without realizing it, Sam starts grinning like an idiot at the sight of a very happy Diane. Woody, though, does notice it, and looks at Sam with a goofy grin as well, happy to see his friends in love. Carla, noticing this, laughs and shoots Diane)
Diane: (Startled and somewhat annoyed) Hey!
Carla: Look at Woody.
(Diane looks down at the water and is surprised and laughs to see Woody looking at Sam as if he were in love with him. Still laughing, she looks at Carla, who is laughing too)
Carla: Normally it grosses me out to see Sam looking at you like that, but the goofy look on Woody's face is priceless (laughs).
(Diane smiles and nods to Carla, as if to signal her to resume the chase. Carla responds with an evil grin and the two go back to chasing Norm and Cliff, shooting at them until they run into the water, slip and fall. Dead laughing on the shore, Carla and Diane high-five. Norm, already in the water, swims towards Diane and Carla like a shark, grabs Diane by the legs and pulls her gently towards him. Diane startles slightly and falls into the water, propping herself up on her elbows with her knees bent. Carla, before Cliff can reach her, jumps on his back and squashes him. When Norm raises his head out of the water and sees Carla on Cliff's back and his friend trying to get out to breathe, he laughs)
Sam: Carla, get off now. If he passes out 'cause of you, I'll make you give him mouth-to-mouth.
(Grossed out and terrified at the idea, Carla jumps away and Cliff gets out of the water and starts breathing heavily. Seeing Carla's reaction, Norm, Sam and Diane chuckle)
Woody: Since we're all here, why don't we swim all together?
Diane: Great idea!
Woody: Kelly, Oakley, come too! (He waves them over and Oakley runs off. Kelly, startled, grabs the arm floats and runs after him)
(Diane walks up to Sam with a smirk and hugs him)
Diane: You know? Your lovesick face is really adorable.
Sam: (Confused) What kind of face is that?
Diane: Don't be silly. I saw the way you were looking at me earlier. (She stands on her tiptoes and kisses him) Do it more often.
(...)
(At sunset, the sky turns into a canvas of beautiful shades of pink, orange and purple. Diane is reading on the sand, Norm and Cliff are about three feet away from her drinking beer, Carla is away in a payphone calling home, Kelly is having a snack with Oakley, and Sam and Woody are in the water)
Kelly: Diane, could you do me a little favor?
Diane: Sure, what do you need?
Kelly: Could you watch Oakley for a little while? I want to take advantage of the sunset to go for a walk with Woody.
Diane: (Smiles) Of course! How can Diane Chambers not support romance? (She puts a bookmark in the book and puts it in her purse) Say, Oakley. Ready to play with Aunt Diane?
Oakley: Yes! What are you reading?
Diane: Sea and Sardinia. It's a book about a couple who travel to an island in Italy. It describes the landscape so well that it's like you're looking at a painting.
Carla: (Arriving) Don't bore the child, it's still too early for him to fall asleep.
Diane: I'm not boring him. It was him who asked me what I was reading.
Oakley: (Holds Diane's hand) Let's go play in the water.
Diane: Okay. Let me get your floaties.
(Diane takes the arm floats out of Kelly's bag, puts them on and the boy runs into the water. The kid's quickness to run away surprises and startles her)
Diane: Wait! (Runs after him)
Carla: (Laughs) I don't regret coming. I've seen Diane scream, run and get wet all in one day.
Norm: Have fun too.
Carla: I was just saying the things I enjoy.
(Norm smiles resignedly)
Cliff: She seems to be having a good time with Woody's son.
Carla: She can take that as practice. If her kid is gonna have Sammy's genes, he's gonna give her more trouble than that.
(When they get to the water, Sam swims over to little Oakley, grabs him and starts tickling him while he laughs. At the sight of them, Diane smiles tenderly and, from the sand, Norm does the same)
Norm: It's adorable (laughs). It's like they're already parents. (He turns and is surprised) Speaking of being parents... (Points to where Woody and Kelly are standing)
(In the distance, Kelly and Woody hug and Woody spins Kelly around in the air, bends down and kisses her belly. At the sight of them, Carla and Cliff are surprised and Sam and Diane are surprised, smile and hug running a hand over each other's shoulder, as if confirming it has been a perfect beach day)