Regina Mills appeared in her vault and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Tears started forming as she thought. I can't even control myself anymore. I'm always on edge.
She felt reckless, and angry. She had never felt this much anger in years. The last time she remembered being full of fury was when trying to take revenge on Snow White. She had no idea where to direct her anger to; she didn't even know why she felt it so strongly. All she knew was if she didn't gain composure soon she would be back to her old ruthless self.
She let out the loudest scream in rage. She felt as if she was slowly losing herself again, slowly succumbing to the darkness that plagued her mind for years.
She sat down, putting her head against the wall, and knees to her chest. I have to be strong for Henry and for this town. I can't go back to who I was, even if I'm just as angry and mad at the world.
For hours, she just sat there, feeling her rage engulf her. She hoped her anger would disappear soon so she could go back out there and act like nothing happened. She knew she had to act like everything was alright when it wasn't. Everyday, it seemed as like she was nearly falling apart.
~
Day 102:
Regina found herself beyond furious at the Mad Hatter when Emma told her the news of the pregnancy.
As Jefferson walked in with the food and water, she spat at him before he could even say a word. "Jefferson, why? Why did you do that to Emma? She loves someone else, not you. You are mad!"
"I care about her."
"Don't you dare touch her!" Regina screamed. She then felt the wind get knocked out of her as he pushed her against the wall, threatening her. She tried breaking free from his grasp but couldn't.
"She belongs with Hook. She loves him. Don't separate them like this. She feels guilty about it everyday." She choked out.
"What do you propose then?" He asked as she continued to fight against him.
"You should stop. This only will lead to heartache when she gets out of this house."
"How many times do I have to tell you, y'all aren't leaving? You least of all. You will die in this house! You are going to break and eventually die!"
She ignored his last words bringing back the topic of Emma. "Stop hurting her like this. If you truly care about Emma you will leave her the hell alone!" She then softly spoke. "I know Emma. She doesn't love you." The man was now furious as he punched her in the stomach and let her go. Regina gasped as she tried to dismantle the pain.
"There's only one way I'll leave her alone!" He yelled.
He forcibly pushed her against the wall again, grasping to her chin, holding her face up to his. He now looked down at her lips and brought his lips to hers fiercely. Regina was shocked at what he did, and suddenly tried pushing him away in panic but it was no use. She squirmed at his touch as she felt a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach as he deepened the aggressive kiss. He parted his lips from hers and when he did, she asked alarmed. "You-why did you-"
"How do you think Graham felt when you did that to him? When you forced him to be yours?"
Suddenly, a flash of memories came back to her of the Huntsman. She had a vivid picture of the Evil Queen in the enchanted forest, kissing Graham and then ripping his heart out of his chest.
Graham was a good man. He didn't deserve what happened to him. He didn't deserve what I did to him and what I forced him to do.
"I never should have hurt and controlled him. It was wrong."
He only smiled as he taunted her. "Come with me!" His face still was an inch from hers. His words echoed in her ears as she froze unable to comprehend what he said. The pit of her stomach began to swirl in disgust once again.
There was a long pause between the two before she replied. "Hell no!" Her whole demeanor changed as she said those words.
"Listen to me! If you don't want Emma to be in my bed then you'll have to be! If Emma isn't mine, then you are. You are going to be mine until you die which won't be very long." He looked her up and down noticing her figure. It was only a figment of what it once was because of her unhealthy state. "Now come upstairs. You'll get a bed. I'm treating you better than I could. I could kill you right now! You don't deserve what I do for you after what you did to my daughter! If you come with me, you'll get your wish. I'll leave Emma alone."
"Why don't you just kill me? We both know I was wrong and it turns out you do have it in you. So why? Why this whole act? You want to kill me then just do it!" She spat.
He only sighed, and then replied. "I thought you were a smart woman, Regina, but apparently you are a fool. I want you to die, just slowly and painfully, with every breath you wish for death but it never comes. When you feel like you are at the end and you truly give up, when you are utterly broken and take all the suffering you can then you will die. Now you are coming with me!"
He grasped her arm, pulling her but she ripped it away from him. "I'm not going anywhere with you!"
"Well then you can stay here in the dark, chained and locked away like a caged animal." Tears of anger flowed down her cheeks. "And I'll still have Emma." Suddenly, Regina punched him painfully in the face, resulting in his nose bleeding. As blood dripped from his nose, he backed off for one moment, placing his hand over his face. The woman sneered back at him. This time she gave a kick with her good leg toward him and then slammed her fists into his stomach. She had her eye on the man's gun, ready to threaten him with his own pistol. She threw herself at him but as soon as she did, he drew it, barely getting away in time. "I'll shoot you if hit me one more time!" He then caught his breath as he stepped away from her. As he pointed the gun at her, he paced toward her again and gripped his free hand to her throat. Once she eventually stopped fighting and almost ran out of breath, he let her go. She gasped for air placing her hand to her neck.
"Come with me or I'll be with Emma as long as she stays here." He paused. "If you don't come with me, I'll have both of you!" Regina in anguish, bent down, shaking her head no. I stay down here in the dark or be in his bed. Then Emma could get out of the shame and guilt. She knew Emma. Emma would blame herself if she ever saw Killian again. Emma saved Mary Margaret and I from death. The least I can do is save Emma from more pain. If Emma continues to sleep with Jefferson it will only cause her to lose hope in her happy ending with her true love, Hook.
"Do you want to stay here in this basement or come to my bedroom?"
"I'll go with you if it means you won't sleep with Emma anymore."
"Deal." He trailed his finger tips against her skin as she looked away from him in discomfort. He then unlocked the chains and the weak woman moved forward and found herself again, trying her best to walk up the stairs but couldn't. One of her legs were too weak. He helped her go up the stairs and finally they got to the main floor. Then, both walked into his bedroom together.
Once she limped weakly into the room, she fell on the mattress. He then closed the door slowly as she felt her heart race. She didn't know what he was about to do and that scared her. Her heart raced even more once she saw him grab the handcuffs on the counter beside him. She shook with fear as she realized he was going to tie her hand to the bedpost. There would be no escape. "What the hell? Don't idiot! Stop! Don't you dare do this!" She yelled trying to hide any sense of discomfort with rage.
She tried fighting, pushing him away, hitting him, and doing all she could to stop him. "You agreed to this! You continue to fight me, I will kill Mary Margaret!" He handcuffed her left hand to the bed and then put the keys and gun on the other side of the room.
"No! Get away from me you bastard!" He inched closer as he mocked her by slowing tracing his hands on her body.
Her mind went cloudy as her heart felt as if it was thumping out of her chest. Every second that passed she was trying to convince herself she wasn't really there and nothing was about to happen. Nothing will happen. Her mind kept repeating but she knew that she only told herself a lie. All will be a blurry, faded memory tomorrow I hope. He can't do this. She repeated.
He collapsed on top of her with his face less than an inch from hers. "I'll never touch Emma again, understand?"
She made one last statement as he began removing her clothes. "Please, don't do this. I don't want this." He didn't stop. She felt the anger inside her boil as his hands moved across her skin and his body pushed against hers.
Every moment, every second, she felt more sick and ashamed of herself. She just hoped it was the first and last time so she never could have the experience again. It made her angrier than ever that an ordinary man could use her and she was powerless to stop anything.
It destroyed her knowing that Graham had experienced the same thing and she never could make up for what she did to him and how she made him feel. It haunted her knowing that Jefferson would always be in the back of her mind just like she always was in the back of Graham's mind.
Minutes later, the two laid separated across from one another. "I now understand why you've been with fools. I now understand why it was a stable boy. You had someone you controlled. Then, you had a thief." He looked deep in her eyes glaring back at her as they laid inches away. Regina's face filled with anger and frustration. "Who could ever love you? You are so pitiful."
He took the cuff off her wrist. She now stood up, and grabbed her clothes and quickly put them on. She now reached the door knob to leave. "I never told you to go. I say when you leave. I'm the one who is in control. You were a queen with power outside this house. Inside this house, you have no power. You were a queen and you ruled. You were the mayor and you were Henry's mother. Here you are nothing and you are going to suffer as if you are nothing and you are going to die as nothing." He continued, bringing up Graham. "I am the master and king here, your master and king. The way the huntsman served you, you will serve me."
She breathed rapidly as she hid her face from him so he wouldn't see her tears. "I understand now. Graham didn't deserve what happened to him." She whispered.
"And you don't?!"
"I just need to talk with Emma, please." She felt her anxiety spike as she waited for his reply.
I'll break down if he won't let me leave. He can't see me like this. He can see me weak but he can't see me broken.
The seconds felt like an eternity. "You can go." She ran out the door full blast, running as fast as she could, finally making it to the living room.
"Regina! What-" Emma ran to Regina embracing her in her arms, holding her. Sobs and whimpers came from the woman as she dropped to the ground. "We will make it out of here. I have hope." Emma told her as she clung to her friend.
"I hope you are right." She leaned over to the couch next her as the two cuddled together. "Hold me, Emma." Regina spoke in a soft voice.
Emma now noticed the woman trembling in fear, tears streaming down her cheeks, and bruise marks on her body. It was clear to her that whatever had taken place, it was severely physically and mentally painful. "Regina, what did he do?"
"I don't want to talk about it, just hold me." There was utter pain in her voice.
"Gina, I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to be sorry about Swan. He made me take your place. All that matters is he won't sleep with you anymore."
Regina leaned into Emma as she wrapped an arm around her shoulder. A glimmer of tears stained Regina's face. "Regina-" Emma paused as she realized it was best not to go into it. "It will be okay." She heard the words of her friend and leaned into her more as she found them comforting.
"Emma, I love you."
Emma gave a look of surprise as she heard those three words. She never thought Regina would say those words and that they were meant for her. "I love you too, Regina." I love you so much, Emma Swan. Both you and Henry. It's like my world gets a little brighter when you are around. You're my friend. I love you because no matter what happens, you are always here for me and I for you.