Late summers in Georgia weren't too bad if you knew how to stay out of the sun. The humidity could suffocate sometimes, making you feel like you're walking through a heavy blanket that had just been dipped in warm bathwater. The heat generally stayed below 100 but the last few weeks had been threatening to go over that. Waves of heat would lift from the blacktops, the morning sun coming on strong as it rose steadily into the cloudless blue sky.
Before Sophia was sick, Daryl would take her down the river on days like this. Carol would come sometimes but she usually had work and over time, going swimming became a weekly tradition for the two Dixons. They'd always stop and get marshmallow Pepsi afterward, driving around while they drank. Sophia liked to aimlessly explore like her father did. Old backroads and forgotten towns were some of her favorites.
After she got sick, the long car rides proved hard for her small body and the water in the river was just too strong for her. Daryl had tried to take her out there just for the familiarity but there was something completely heartbreaking about the way she just sat silently in the truck, letting her eyes roam slowly over everything like she was trying to commit it to memory. Like it was the last time she was going to see these places the two of them had so many happy memories in.
Daryl had stayed in the truck that night, refusing to let Carol or Sophia know that watching her like that had killed him. He had to be strong. He was the protector. He couldn't break. But, damn, was it hard sometimes.
It had been 2 months since Daryl had started working at Hershel's farm. The man felt more than grateful towards Hershel, especially since the man had been paying him far more than Daryl though he deserved. The money was definitely helping ease the finances. He was actually starting to get some type of shaky foothold on the ever-climbing bills. He had begun to feel hope. That was until he got the call in the middle of cleaning out the horse barn with Beth. Sophia had passed out and Carol couldn't get her to wake up.
Daryl practically flew to the hospital. By the time he'd got to the ER, she had been checked out and while still unconscious, she was stable. The doctor had pulled them into his office give them a long lecture that pretty much came down to that they need to get themselves prepared. When they'd finally got out of the office, Carol hit him with another bomb.
"I'm going to an attorney tomorrow to talk about a divorce. I think that…after Sophia passes, we should just remove ourselves from each other's life."
She'd said it with so much calm that Daryl couldn't think of anything to say except a grunt. He couldn't say that he hadn't seen this day coming. He just didn't know it would be in the middle of his losing his baby girl. A shaking hand came up to rub roughly at his jaw, his eyes stinging with exhaustion and the threat of tears from seeing Sophia in this place.
Carol leaned against the doorframe, irritation bubbling in her stomach as he once again said nothing. She had just told the man she was leaving him and all he could do was grunt at her?! She wanted to see him hurt, see him feel SOMETHING, anything but that constant brick wall that he wore around.
She crossed her arms and continued. "I just don't see the point. We can barely talk without fighting and this," she said, gesturing between them, "was never meant to work. I mean, I've tried for years and you just won't let me in. So, I'm done. After Sophia dies- "
"Stop fuckin' saying that!" Daryl barked, eyes snapping open as he met hers. "Stop talking like it's just some damn fact that you're spewing out at one of your board meetings. Like this isn't a human, OUR little girl that you're talking about!"
Carol leaned back, completely taken aback by the sudden outburst. Daryl had never yelled at her like that. Her own anger was quick to come back though but before she could say anything, Daryl began to pace and continue with what he was saying.
"I don't get you, Carol. I've been busting my ass and tryin' like hell to keep a damn roof over our head and get Soph the best treatment I can. I'm sorry I'm not at home because I'm out there working. I'm sorry that I'm not a good husband but I sure as hell remember that you ain't no saint, Carol," he growled, leaning back towards her as he paced.
"You think I forgot about you and Ed? Huh? You think I forgot 'bout how it was my fault because I wasn't paying you enough attention? You think I forgot what you did in our bed? I should've left then but I wanted to work it out for Soph and for you because shit, I know I'm not the best man to be married to. But it never got better, Carol! You were never happy! So, go ahead and go to the attorney. Shit, bring me the papers now and I'll sign 'em. You can have the fuckin' house. You can have everything. But let's wait to Sophia dies, right?" He spat the last sentence at her before turning and eating up the distance between him and the hospital door. He needed out. He felt like he was suffocating. Wasn't going to do any good for Sophia to wake up and see them fighting again. He'd come back in the morning when he wasn't about to lose his mind. When he wasn't so close to breaking that it felt he was going to hit something.
A few nurses and orderlies had stopped to watch, just to make sure that they wouldn't have to call the cops. Carol took a deep breath and ducked into Sophia's room. After making sure her daughter was okay, she slipped into the small bathroom and locked the door, putting her back against the door and covering her face as the tears flowed.
Daryl wasn't sure when he'd ended up back at the farm but he remembered what lead him there.
After leaving the hospital, the first place he'd wanted to go was the nearest liquor store. He had made it to the parking lot before he stopped himself. The idea of getting shitfaced in this heat made him sick to his stomach and there was no way in hell he wanted to go back to the house. He looked at the sun starting to sink low in the sky. He'd left Beth to finish cleaning the barn and there were still bales of hay to move. Besides, he needed to do something, he couldn't just stay in one place and think. God, all he wanted to do was to not think. The way he figured, he could get to the farm a little before sundown and he would just work into the night.
Daryl pulled out of the parking lot, his tires squealing on the pavement, the motorcycle engine roaring as he hit the street and took off towards the outskirts of town.
The timing had been a little off. The sky was already a deep purple by the time he pulled up the dirt drive and made his way around to the horse barn. The evening air had cooled a little, felt soft on his bare arms as he parked the bike and made his way back to the barn.
He had expected to find the building empty and things the way he'd left them. But a dirty and obviously tired Beth was standing in the middle of the clean barn, moving to put one of the horses in the stable. She turned to him as he entered and locked the stall door before moving to stand near him. She swallowed and her large blue eyes locked on his.
Daryl felt like an asshole. Over the last couple months, he'd grown used to Beth's odd temperament towards him, a strange gentleness that he wasn't used to. He knew that she probably hadn't told her father that he'd left, was probably trying to get everything done on her own so Daryl wouldn't catch any trouble.
In the silence of the barn, he faced the younger blond, his dark eyes refusing to meet her own. The guilt brought up the overwhelming sadness he'd pushed down since leaving the hospital and he was barely holding his shit together.
Beth took a few slow steps towards him as she saw the struggle on his face. She'd assumed since he was back at the farm that nothing had happened. Was she wrong? Had Sophia…?
"Daryl…" she said, her voice soft and questioning as she reached her hand out, slender fingers taking his. She felt his hand jerk a little but he didn't pull away. Holding onto his hand, Beth waited, her eyes never leaving his face.
"Soph's fine for now. Stable," He finally managed to get out, his throat thick, "Carol…Carol's going to a divorce lawyer tomorrow." Why did he say that? Why was he putting his problems onto a girl that barely knew him aside from these past few months. But that's how it had been since he'd started working at with Beth. Daryl had been spilling out his life story to her after only two weeks. He'd figured that it was because he knew that everyone in town already knew the most of it so what would it hurt to talk to someone about it? She'd always just sat there and listened, looking at him with those eyes that threatened to swallow him whole. Maybe that's why this time, he couldn't hold back.
Daryl's head dropped, dark hair blocking his face a quiet sob ripped from him. The relief Beth had felt when he said Sophia was fine was replaced with sympathy when he mentioned the divorce. The moment he broke, Beth felt she was witnessing something so profoundly personal that she froze only for a moment before wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug. The past few months had only made her feel even more like this man needed protected.
He felt her arms go around his neck, pulling him into a hug as another sob escaped him and slowly, he brought his arms around her slender frame and hugged her tightly, burying his face in her golden hair. Beth knew she smelled like horses and sweat and that his hug was so tight it hurt a little but she stayed there, letting her shoulder absorb the sound of his crying.
"I'm sorry, Daryl..I'm so sorry.." she whispered quietly, not sure of what to say. Not sure if there was anything she could say to make any of this better.
In the solid walls of the horse barn, Daryl felt comfort for the first time in his life. Comfort that had no price. Comfort that he didn't have to fight for. Beth held him and he let out all the pain and anger he'd been feeling for the past year.
Daryl scraped the tip of his knife against the wood plank of the porch, Beth sitting across from him, his foot touching hers as she watched him. When he'd finally stopped crying, Beth's shoulder was soaked. She'd went in and changed, told her father that the barn was done and asked if Daryl could stay for dinner. Hershel eyed the new shirt and the weary look on Beth's face before giving her a soft smile and said that he'd like that.
She'd gone back outside carrying two cold soda's and sat down on the steps with Daryl. In the dark, you couldn't tell that he'd been crying for a little over an hour.
"I'm sorry about puttin' all that on you back there," he said softly, his gravelly voice barely more than a whisper. Beth gave a small smile and shrugged her shoulders, shaking her head before taking a drink.
"Don't be. I'm glad I was there. That's not something anyone should have to go through alone. I…I'm sorry about Carol," she replied, idly playing with the paper label on the bottle as she glanced at him. Daryl shrugged and looked out over the yard.
"Saw it comin'. We didn't get hitched out of love. She got pregnant and I didn't want to be like my old man so we went to the courthouse and signed the papers. I'm sure she wanted something better but I was young and dumb and mad that I had did this to both of us. Guess she finally got tired of being tired to a failure," Daryl grumbled, back to picking his knife against the wood, refusing to meet her eyes.
"You're not a failure, Daryl Dixon."
"Yeah. I am. I failed as a husband and now I'm failin' as a dad. Don't matter. I knew I wasn't made for this shit anyway." He finally looked up at her to see what could only be anger in those blue eyes.
"Stop saying that! You're doing all that you can for Sophia. You're not God, you can't cure people by touching 'em. And as for Carol, people fall apart. It sucks and it's not a good feeling but it happens all the time. But none of this is your fault," Beth said, trying to sound as stern as she could. Daryl went quiet for awhile and just met her gaze before looking away and giving a shrug in response. For a bit, they stayed there in the silence, only the sound of the tree frogs and the crickets between them.
"You know, when my mama died, I had a really hard time with it. I…I tried to kill myself. In town, near the bridge where the accident was. It was stupid and I was too young to understand everything. But I almost died that night," Beth said, her voice carrying on the warm breeze, "Someone saved me. He drug me all the way to the hospital and told me to stop doing "dumb shit" before leaving me there. I…I want to save him. I wanted him to know how much he did for me that night. I want to help people that are going through similar things that I went through. I…I'm here if you need anything. We're friends. Until you don't need me anymore. Then you can leave and go wherever you want. But…you're gonna miss me so bad when I'm gone, Daryl Dixon."
The last bit she'd said with a smile, maybe as a joke, but a pit formed in Daryl's stomach as he looked at her.
Daryl felt like something shifted that night. He wasn't sure what but where he used to feel awkward with Beth, he now felt an odd kinship. Somewhere, deep down, he knew he was in trouble. Before he could answer, Maggie stepped out onto the porch. Her eyes darted between the two of them for a moment, taking in the strange atmosphere as Daryl stood up and dusted off his pants, reaching out a hand to help Beth up.
"Supper's done. Come on inside," she said before turning and heading back in.