A/N: And yet another chapter is born...Lol
Hey, you guys. Long time, no see. Been something like 6 or 7 months since my last update here so I suppose there's no telling who's still invested in this story. XD Regardless, I had yet another itch to write recently and managed to finish up this chapter sometime last weekend. Gave myself a week to let it sit before making final adjustments/corrections to it, and now I'm ready for posting. I've actually been working on this chapter in short bursts over the past several months, but only just now got it to a point I thought acceptable for uploading. Hahaha. There were so many tweaks I had to make along the way, I almost thought I'd never get this chapter done. But I suppose that's just all part of the fun (and challenge) of writing anything decent. It's not perfect, but I did enjoy crafting this chapter little by little between breaks from work. Hoping the next chapter won't take nearly as long, but who am I kidding? XD I'm a slow writer through and through. That said, this is for anybody still reading this story. And if nobody is left from back in the day (I know a LOT of people have left in recent years), then I guess I'm just posting it for myself. Lol. I'm happy to have gotten it this far either way.
-Pat
ZADR Orange Chapter 207
Warnings: Extreme OOCness
Rating: M for later chapters
Disclaimer: We do not own Invader Zim, nor any of the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Zim: Notgonnadie
Dib: Me
Enjoy. =3
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A storm was brewing. As Dib struggled to balance his emotions between the thin line that separated animosity from reluctant understanding, he hesitated to reply back to the professor's plea for forgiveness. It was true, the death of their mother had been just as hard on Membrane as it had been on them. He remembered that time well in his life. But it still didn't excuse the subsequent negligence that he and his sister had faced in the aftermath of that tragic loss.
For a long handful of seconds, Dib considered how he should respond to the man's rationalization. Passing a hand to his stomach, he then thought of his own smeets. He'd nearly gone mad with despair himself when he'd thought that Zim had died. But still, he couldn't get past the bitterness he felt inside him for having only been born to one devoted parent.
"...Then why did you...?" Dib finally broke the fragile silence. "Why did you agree to have us? Did you even want us? I know mom wanted us, but did YOU give even an ounce of thought to it before agreeing to give her what she wanted?" he asked in a voice that spoke volumes to the internal war that raged within him.
Fixing his gaze on the hybrid, Membrane hesitated to answer the teen's inquiry. Though the questions had been asked in reserved tones, the professor recognized the hint of pain clinging to his son's words. He couldn't simply dodge the subject by any easy means, nor could he lie to his kids about it. So taking in a deep breath, he prepared himself to lay it all out in as concise a manner as he reasonably could.
"No...I didn't give it a second thought when she asked. I was excited by the prospect of having children, but I had no idea what I was supposed to do once it finally happened...She helped me a lot towards the beginning, but after she died... I didn't know how to go about it alone...I...I don't think I ever stopped grieving for her." Membrane looked away to one side sadly, the ache of his wife's death once again seizing his insides as it had all those years ago.
To an extent, Dib had known the truth already, had sensed it from even an early age onward. But now that the words had been spoken, the dull ache he'd lived with for years could only intensify to a near excruciating throb in his chest. They really had been just a mistake on Membrane's part, he told himself deplorably. Curling his body inwards, Dib struggled to cope with the admission as a deluge of fresh tears broke through the mental fortitude he'd fought so hard to preserve. Although he'd been mentally preparing himself to hear something of the sort from Membrane, it hardly made the truth of the matter hurt any less. He could feel his insides crumbling the more he allowed it to sink in.
"But that doesn't mean I didn't want you!" Membrane swiftly threw out when he saw grief very quickly taking root in Dib's features. "Yes, I was in over my head; my own parents were never around either. But I had promised myself that I would be different. When your mother died however, I lost sight of that commitment. For a long time afterwards, all I could do was bury myself in my work...But it doesn't change the fact that I've always loved you! And your sister!" the professor spoke resolutely, hoping to all that was good in this world that his firm resolve on the matter would break through the surface of his son's withstanding doubts.
An unwelcome sentiment of conflicting pity held Dib's feelings hostage. Though he sucked in a breath to launch one final eruption of unreserved furor at the other, his anger was quickly losing its edge. "You weren't the only one missing her though! And we had to lose both of you at the same time!" Dib exploded between hollers and sobs. As hot tears began to spill down his face in torrents, he then twisted his body towards Zim's so he could tuck himself into the Irken's chest for comfort.
The professor flinched and struggled to keep his eyes fixed on Dib. "I know, Dib...And I'm so sorry for that..." he said once the hybrid had finished pouring out his sorrows. Forcing his face to remain neutral, he then continued in as level a voice as he could maintain. "I know I've been a horrible father to you...I know it's hard to forgive me...But please..." he spoke with nothing short of the tightest control. "Give me a second chance..." he pleaded meekly, doing everything in his power to not let his own emotions seep into his words. This couldn't be about him this time, he told himself. He wanted his kids' forgiveness, but not at the expense of their own feelings. So he'd drown out his own afflictions if it meant mending the rift that never should have formed between them.
With a deliberate turn of his head, Membrane then looked at his daughter to extend her the same apology. There was hardly a waver to his expression. "For these past several months, I've been worried sick about you two, and I...finally realized just how distant I've been in your lives. It's not what your mother would have wanted, nor what I intended. So please...Give me a chance to start over...to be the parent you both deserve..." his words held no blots of uncertainty to them.
With a shaky breath and shuddering antennae, Dib remained pressed to Zim for several moments longer before finally drawing himself away to send Zim an uncertain glance.
Staring back at Membrane with that same flicker of insight Dib had recognized in him before, Zim suspended his gaze on the professor for a heartbeat before allowing his eyes to drift to the gaze of his waiting hybrid. He could see a blend of conflicting emotions and felt his own inclinations vanish in an instant. He couldn't be the one to make this decision. Even with everything that lay on the line, the fact remained that this was a dispute no outside observer could take any part in resolving. "It's your choice." he spoke softly to the hybrid, nuzzling Dib gently and offering him a smile that served as his only semblance of consent.
A lengthy silence followed as Dib gave the proposal a further moment of thought. What would it mean to accept such an apology? And could they really forge the type of familial bond he'd yearned for for over a decade now? There were still so many unknowns to take into account, not to mention a question of how his pregnancy and relationship with Zim might play into such a dynamic. When he thought of his mother though, all those thoughts seemed to retreat from his mind completely. "I think...mom would want that..." he finally concluded in a voice that still wavered with traces of fear and longing. Wanting to make sure she was okay with this first, he then glanced over at Gaz for her own say-so.
As if to answer her brother's unspoken query, Gaz nodded back at him, having personally missed her dad in the months they'd spent apart.
Tilting his head forward into a reciprocal nod back at her, Dib then unleashed a sigh that came fluttering out of him. "...O-Okay then..." he agreed on a note of yielding concession, his voice remaining barely that of a whisper as a whole new strain of tension seemed to clamp itself down within him. Never in a million years had he imagined them making up like this. In fact, it seemed more fantasy than fact to him still. But then again, when he thought about how drastically his life had changed over the course of only 7 months, nothing about the time that had passed felt real to him. When he thought back to how different his life had been prior to starting his relationship with Zim, he sometimes wondered whether he might wake from a dream. The thought itself had him lapsing into silence momentarily before at last he turned to face his sister directly. "Can you get Tak's computer to let him out now?" he then requested, nervous about what to expect from the other but ready to adapt as he had to everything else that had transpired thus far.
The strain of a near unbearable pressure seemed to dissipate from Membrane's chest at those words. Moved by his kids' mutual leniency, a smile touched his mouth as he stared back at Dib and Gaz. If it hadn't been perceptible before, then now more than ever love poured from the professor's emotion-dampened eyes. Although his son's words had been stiff at best and he could be certain there would be an element of friction to contend with still, it couldn't stop the sense of overwhelming relief he felt from swamping what remained of his own reservations. "I pray this isn't all just a dream..." he uttered to himself as he waited to be released and thought back on all the months of searching he'd done just to turn up disappointment after disappointment.
At long last, he could finally look his kids in the eyes and make amends for the years of their lives he had lost.
Relieved that her brother was actually agreeing to forgive Membrane, Gaz turned to do as she had been requested before taking a moment to reflect on her own feelings about the past. It felt like forever since she could recall them getting along as a family in any way whatsoever, she mused, and she wondered whether they could really meld into such a mold so effortlessly. The thought mingled with a slew of other considerations. Although she didn't doubt the intimate nature of her father's apology to them, she couldn't entirely write off the inevitable hardships that she knew the future had in store for them due to the complexities of their relationship.
Regardless, Gaz tried not to let that take away from the moment as Tak's computer proceeded to dump the professor out of the cage.
With an automatic 'oof' that preceded his ascent back to his feet, Membrane took a moment to dust off his signature white lab coat before moving towards his offspring with a revitalized vigor. "Now, where were we? Ah, yes." he spoke assuredly before sweeping first Dib, and then Gaz, into his arms for a long overdue embrace.
Unaccustomed to receiving such affection from his father, Dib stiffened in his spot. Without returning the hug, the hybrid stood motionless as the foreign gesture earned a swell of mounting emotion from him. Was this how it was supposed to feel? Like his chest was being crushed and his limbs were being liquefied? No, he told himself internally. There was more to this pain than just his father's reparation. Although he'd tried to resist it, the remembrance of his own harsh words from that day stabbed at his conscience in retaliation to the present moment. Helpless to do much more than draw in a trembling breath, Dib reached for just a sliver of the man's attire before simply tipping his head forward to bury his face in its fabric. "...I'm sorry..." the words tumbled from his mouth before hysteria could clog up his throat with remorse.
Holding his kids close, Membrane shook his head at Dib's apology and doubled down on his firm possession of them, reluctant to let go. "Don't be...Everything that happened happened because of my ignorance." he spoke dismissively, no longer wanting to dwell on the past. In that moment, nothing else mattered to him than his kids' acceptance. As he pressed his face down into the thick swirl of hair that concealed Dib's antennae from view, Membrane promised himself silently that things would be different from now on. He wasn't going to leave either of their sides again, nor would he allow anything to come between them.
Because his knees were shaking and his sobs still simmering to a halt, Dib took in a handful of steadying breaths before finally pulling his face away from the material of his father's lab coat. For the first time in his life, he felt cherished in a way that vastly differed from the romantic affections Zim provided him in their relationship. It was the type of warmth and accpetance that could only come from a parent, the type he hoped to have with his own smeets once they were born into the world. Unconditional love, he mused, not burdened by a sense of duty. They'd be loved simply for existing and not because he was obligated to provide care to them as a parent.
As Dib slowly began to calm with thoughts of how he'd do right by his own smeets, a ripple of movement beneath his skin drew both his and Membrane's attention back to the present moment. Before he could prevent it, curious hands traveled to the movement on instinct, turning the moment awkward. To Membrane, there was a familiar appeal to the life he could feel thriving beneath his son's skin. It brought to mind warm memories of his wife and the excitement she'd exhibited the very first time she'd come to him with the news of her pregnancy. Now, however, it occurred to him that this was more than just his son's offspring. This was his future grandchild, or grandchildren, as he could surmise based purely on the size of his son's stomach. Surely it would have made no difference to his wife had she lived to see the day. He imagined she would have been gushing at the prospect of grandchildren, regardless of the peculiar factors that had led to such an unforeseen circumstance.
That in mind, the professor explored the shape of Dib's torso without restraint, inadvertently brushing the scars that were left over from the intrusion of Zim's home base only little more than a month before. The contact resulted in a sudden gasp from Dib that had Membrane's eyes snapping back to him in an instant. "Are you okay?" he asked as Zim's own spine straightened on attentive impulse, ready to step in and help Dib if need be.
"I-I'm fine." Dib spoke hastily, all the while pulling himself away from the tightness of the hug and turning towards Zim with an automatic shift of his body. He was far from ready to explain the details of that particular occurrence to his father just yet. The memories of it alone were enough to add a sickly quality to his complexion as his antennae shuddered and arms curved about his abdomen. He suddenly felt as though they were covering too much ground far too quickly. The revelation of his pregnancy was a treacherous enough disclosure as things stood. Trust would take time to develop still and even longer to bury past transgressions. Pressing into Zim as though that alone might assuage his lingering doubts, Dib tucked himself into the Irken's arms securely and tried to ignore the ribbon of angst that still twisted his insides into knots. It would take more than empty words and promises to compensate for the years gone by. Now only actions would unveil whether Membrane's words were genuine or mere performance. He wanted to believe they were the former.
Looking back at Dib with confusion in his eyes, the professor registered a vague isolation. "What's wrong?" he asked again, recognizing the drawback but refusing to give it room for more growth.
Reaching for an explanation that was both credible and of sound reason, Zim merely cradled Dib close and kissed his forehead lightly. "Stretching scars?" he offered weakly in an effort to clear the air of any further questioning.
"That didn't seem like just a reaction to somebody touching his stretch marks." the professor countered starkly. "Now turn around and tell me the truth." he insisted, taking Dib by one of his arms gently and turning him back around so he could kneel at the base of the hybrid's large belly. He wouldn't allow Dib to distance himself from him again. "Tell me if any of this hurts, okay?" Membrane spoke softly, pressing a hand to the bulge that grew beneath his son's shirt and probing it gingerly so as not harm Dib in the process.
With the professor crouched before him, Dib bit into his bottom lip at the contact. He was determined not to show discomfort despite how desperately he wished to hiss through his teeth when the man's fingers moved over yet another scar on his abdomen. It caused a flashback of the assault to wash over him in waves of swift recollection. He saw blood and smoke and Zim's prone body on the floor of their bathroom all over again. It turned his skin to ice. With a sudden tug for freedom, Dib then yanked himself away with a shudder and was allowed to reunite with Zim in one instantaneous movement.
Although it ran through the professor's head that any further prying may very well drive a wedge between them again, Membrane looked back up at Zim with a stoic seriousness that couldn't easily be deterred. "That definitely wasn't a stretch mark I felt just now. So tell me what happened." he persisted with a stringent tenacity that very well matched Dib's own.
There could be no denying where the hybrid got his streak of stubbornness from, Zim decided as he stared back at Membrane with equally level eyes. "It's nothing." he spoke flatly, obstinately. While he could understand the man's desire to know what he had discovered by accident, he better understood Dib's desire to keep those memories capped off from observation. Even HE hadn't gotten fully to the bottom of the mental chaos those events had ultimately induced. He had been there and suffered through his own string of restlessness as a result. But their injuries had been different, both physically and emotionally.
"Please...I was ignorant before and would be just as ignorant now to turn the other chee-"
"I'm fine!" Dib cut the other off before he could say any more on the matter. He just wanted to forget, he told himself emphatically, his antennae shivering once more in a show of agitated frustration.
A sensation of powerlessness seemed to snatch the dark-haired man's determination away from him. "Are you su-" he began in one last ditch effort to uncover the truth of his son's marred skin.
"WHY don't we all go get some breakfast?" Zim cut in before the professor could finish his sentence. "My treat." he then offered on a note of amiability he hoped would help alter their discussion. They couldn't continue down this course of conversation if they hoped to make any progress mending what was already a precarious reconciliation.
For a moment, silence dominated the air between them. Then, from his spot hidden away in Zim's chest, Dib lifted his head with a wobble. He was frazzled still but steadier now than he'd been moments ago. With everything that had happened that morning, he couldn't say the thought of breakfast, or more precisely, breakfast FOR lunch, was an entirely unappealing suggestion. After all, his earlier meal of fast food leftovers could hardly be compared to what an actual diner would have to offer. "Br-Breakfast sounds nice..." he said with a sheepish glance back towards his sister and father. The smeets were already kicking with excitement, as though more than well aware of when a meal was being considered.
Feeling a fair bit famished himself, Membrane lifted a hand on instinct to place over his empty stomach. If he was being honest with himself, he hadn't been eating much over the course of his search for Dib and Gaz. Hell, even before his kids had gone missing, the thought of taking routine meals had often taken a back seat to his work and scientific research. "Well...It has been a while since I've had a real breakfast. Probably even longer since I've been to an actual restaurant." he confessed, trying to recall when the last time he'd gone out to eat with his kids was. Family meals had been rare over the past decade and he couldn't help but feel yet another stab of guilt over how often he chose work over spending time with his children.
"Eh..." Gaz simply shrugged at the invitation to eat out. Though they'd already nibbled at a handful of morning pastries as part of their morning meal, she doubted Tak would have any qualms with partaking in a secondary brunch, especially if it was on the house. With the female Irken's own pregnancy progressing at a expeditious rate, it came as no surprise to her that the violet-eyed extraterrestrial was consuming far more calories as a part of her gestation period. "I guess so long as you're paying for it, Tak and I are game." she agreed on a note of indifference. That said, she then turned to go and locate where in her base Tak had disappeared off to.
Zim smiled at the all-around agreement. "Alright then. Let's get going. Where do you want to eat?" he asked, helping Dib towards the door unhurriedly and intentionally allowing the question to hang in the air for a moment so they could all set aside their nerves for what was certain to be a cumbersome luncheon.
"I think I remember seeing a small diner only a few blocks over from here." Membrane chimed in with punctual gumption. "With any luck, they may still be serving breakfast."
A nagging gnarl from within his stomach forced color into Dib's otherwise lackluster cheeks. "Wherever's closest would probably be best." he concurred, moving towards the door with Zim so they could wait for his sister and Tak in the late morning warmth of early autumn's waning sunlight. Turning his face to the sky, he then took in some stabilizing breaths. He couldn't imagine what questions might come next. There was no turning back now though, Dib reminded himself as he closed his eyes to take in a few final moments of fleeting serenity. Once he was balanced again, he'd find a way say what needed to be said without divulging what he considered to be essentially personal details of his and Zim's life.
After returning to the group with Tak saddled by her side, Gaz joined the waiting threesome near the edge of the peripheral sidewalk. "So, where are we going?" she asked, tilting a hip to one side and crossing her arms with an impatient curve of her eyebrow.
"A diner." Dib supplied and then turned his attention over to the pensive Professor Membrane. "Which way is it?"
"It's this way." the professor turned with hardly a glance to the small troop behind him, taking the lead without question and heading to his left. The place wasn't far, as he could recall, and was situated in a part of town Zim recognized as being in the same vicinity of the bookstore he'd previously stockpiled a surplus of pregnancy books from.
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A/N: And there you have it for Chapter 207. Until next time~