I loved your reviews, I'm honestly too mean to you all with all this angst and I should be nicer. It'll get better my lovelies ❤

There be smut here ❤❤

The rapping of knuckles against the door continued. There would be a pause after every few taps, and then she would knock again.

"Please, Miss. The gentleman downstairs is adamant that you eat," the innworker called again. She had been at my door that morning with breakfast and then again with lunch; both times I refused her entry, and she would leave the tray after a few minutes.

The sun was low on the horizon; the afternoon rays filled my room. I laid facing the window and had for most of the day. If I opened the door, I would have to admit to myself what I had lost and see Dimitri's face while knowing he lied. I couldn't bring myself to face that cruel reality yet.

She knocked again, and I continued to ignore her.

"Miss!"

"Has she still not eaten?" A muffled voice joined the woman's. My heart clenched painfully.

"No, Sir."

Dimitri signed. "I'll handle it."

I heard the clinking of silverware, shuffling, and the wood creak as the woman walked away. Then, another knock.

"Rose. Please, you need to eat something," Dimitri called. I heard the handle on the door turn, followed by a soft curse. "Rose, open the door."

I slowly rolled and sat up in bed, staring at the door before I yelled back, "There's been a misunderstanding; I don't do anything for you!"

"Roza–"

"Go away, Dimitri!"

Another person approached my room. "I don't think she wants to see you," Ivan mused, "I wonder why?"

"She barely ate yesterday, and she hasn't eaten today. She needs to eat."

Again, the tray changed hands, "Let me try. You should go to the station; they'll be arriving soon."

They. My father. The train arrived by sundown; it wasn't long now.

Even through the door, I sensed Dimitri's hesitance; it didn't make sense for him to care so much when he threw me away so easily. How could he claim to love me, bed me, and then decide it wasn't worth it?

I wasn't worth the hardships for him.

Another knock. The third person of the day. Ivan made his argument, "He is right; you do need to eat. If not for yourself, do it for us. If your father shows up and you are starved, he will ring our necks."

Dammit. "Fine," I muttered and crossed to the door. I unlocked it and dragged the chair away so Ivan could open it. Once it was half open, I held a hand out for the tray, but Ivan shook his head.

"You are injured. Get back in the bed." He shooed me with a nod of his head, completely ignoring his own injured arm, and stepped into the room and closed the door after him with his foot. "Thank God you opened up; I swear Dimitri was about to explode."

"Good," I snipped, "I don't care anymore." I retook my spot on the bed and stared out the window; for a brief moment, I saw a tall man in a duster walk through the street. He looked up at me, and I turned away.

Ivan hummed and set the tray on the bed with his good arm. His injured arm sat in a sling, cradled against his chest. "Sounds like you two are fighting again."

"We aren't anything. He's just the man hired to bring me home."

"I'm sorry, Rose."

I couldn't bring my eyes to his; I could hear the pity in his voice, so I didn't need to see it on his face. I was pitiful. I foolishly gave into fleeting feelings, and now I was paying the price. The food turned my stomach; I didn't want to eat or move. I wanted to lay in bed and nurse my broken heart and pride.

Ivan didn't leave; instead, he sat in the chair Dimitri had taken the night before. He relaxed, hand resting on his thigh, and titled his head back with a sigh. "I thought Dimitri had finally found some happiness, but I suppose he allowed his fears to get the best of him."

"His fears… He's just a coward."

"Maybe," he mused, "but it is a terrible thing to see the person you love hurt—think them dead."

"I thought he died as well. I saw him get shot in the chest," I argued.

"True. What were your thoughts before you knew he was alive?"

I wanted to die. I drew my knees up and tucked the quilt around me. When I believed Dimitri was dead, I was devastated. "It doesn't matter. Once I knew he was fine, it made me want to be with him more, not to run away."

"Dimitri doesn't always make the best choices, but he's always led by the need to protect the ones he loves. He sold his soul to the snake to protect his family. I'm sure he would give up even more to be sure you were safe."

"Are you saying I should forgive him?" I eyed Ivan, trying to discern his reasoning.

"No, that's not for me to push," Ivan replied, lips pulled in a tight smile before it dropped, "I'm trying to help you understand why he did what he did. I personally believe he's ignorant, but I also know how he thinks. The sun rises and falls on you. If you died, the light would go out of his life. He would rather you live your life apart from him than live in the dark."

"And if I'm expected to return to my life after everything, I would be living in the dark," I replied softly. I could never return to how it was before. Too much had happened to me—I had changed too much to retake the role of the rich daughter who never dirtied her hands.

I had no innocence left; there was blood on my hands and a man in my heart. I could never reclaim my old life again. Maybe I couldn't find my happiness with Dimitri, but I wouldn't find it in San Francisco either.

The announcement my father had arrived reached the inn; Eddie knocked on my door not long after Ivan had left to inform me. I ignored the tray of food on the bed and started to get ready. The lady who helped me bathe the night before had braided my hair and cleaned my clothes so I could quickly dress myself in my trousers and shirt.

I didn't have a dress to greet him in; it was fitting. I wasn't a prime and proper lady—this was a new chapter of my life, and I needed to dress the part. I hadn't formed a plan of what to do next, but I knew I wouldn't be returning home.

The downstairs was empty aside from a cluster of men around one table; they were dressed in dark suits and were surrounded by a cloud of cigar smoke. I hadn't even seen Abe, but I recognised his men.

Dimitri stood against the far wall; my eyes found him instantly. I felt an inkling of joy when he looked at me; despite the pain he caused, I still felt that spark when our eyes met. Dimitri's mask was up, standing to the side with his men. He was just the hired bounty hunter after all.

"Where is she?" Abe's voice rose above the others. Dimitri turned his attention to him and nodded in my direction.

Like the sea parting, all the men stepped back to reveal my father rising from his seat. Abe wore his usually extravagant suit, thick dark hair slicked back, and a lit cigar in hand. My mother disliked him smoking but enjoyed the smell; Abe had developed the habit of lighting one, but he never smoked it.

Had he really known that there was a threat against us? Pavel's words filled my head. I had only heard stories of Abe being ruthless, but maybe he hadn't been. I looked at Dimitri and remembered the reason for his deal—Abe protected his family. There might be more than meets the eye, but it didn't make me want to stay.

"Kiz?" my father's voice drew my attention back to him. I looked at him—really looked. Dimitri claimed he cared about me, and I wondered if I could see it. Abe's face was pale, eyes sunken, and I wondered when he had last slept; even his cheeks had lost some of the fullness. Eyes the same colour as mine searched my face, glistening in the dim candlelight.

My feet felt stuck to the floor. Too many people were around, and too many thoughts went through my mind. I kept looking at Dimitri.

"We should give you some privacy," Dimitri prompted, and Abe was quick to agree.

"Yes. Yes." Rather than send everyone out, Abe crossed to me and pointed upstairs, "Let's go up."

We returned to my room, standing awkwardly in the small room. I found myself at the window again, staring down at the street, a stagecoach out front of the inn. More men stood around it; Abe had brought a fleet with him.

"Are you alright?"

I was startled by his hand brushing my forehead, the bandage still around the cut. "I'm fine. Just a pain when I move too fast."

"I'm so sorry, Kiz. I had no idea that Pavel would… He's a dead man."

I didn't cringe at the harshness of his tone. "Good," I replied, just as cold. "You hired Dimitri to find me."

"I did," he replied with a hint of confusion, "he's the best man for the job."

"He was," I agreed. "You should free him from his debt. He has paid it in full."

Abe's brows creased. "We don't need to discuss business–"

"What is my dowry?"

"Why do you ask?"

I faced my father and felt resolved in my choice. "I wish to have it. Not because I'm being married but because I want a life of my own. I can't return to San Francisco."

"You've had a very stressful experience–"

"I was kidnapped, sold, whipped, dragged across the desert and shot at on multiple occasions. I am well aware of what I've been through. What I want–"

The door opened without a knock before another man entered my room. Green eyes met mine. I never expected him to show up; never prepared to see his face. Adrian Ivashkov, my fiance.

"Rose!" Adrian exclaimed, marching across the room and putting his arms around me. "You're safe!"

I was shocked; not only had he arrived unannounced, but was holding me closer than he ever had before. It felt wrong. I extracted myself from his arms, but Adrian only allowed me to draw back enough so he could see my face; his hands remained on my shoulders. "What are you doing here?" I demanded.

"To see you!" He looked me up and down, his smile faltering slightly, "Interesting outfit. I suppose it makes sense out here." Adrian released me before I could respond; he spun and took in the room, eyes landing on the tray on my bed. "You haven't eaten?

"I'm not hungry," I replied, "and I'm tired. I just want to speak to my–"

"Of course you are. The trip must have been exhausting. I hope the bounty hunters were respectful."

"They were," I snapped.

Abe cleared his throat, "Perhaps we should continue this in the morning. Some sleep so you can clear your mind. And then, tomorrow, we shall buy you new clothes and celebrate your safe return."

They wanted to celebrate with a party, while I wanted to leave the town at that moment. I put my head in my hand, feeling the familiar pounding return.

"Until tomorrow," Adrian agreed. He bowed and took my hand in his, a press of his lips to my knuckles, "I look forward to finally celebrating our engagement, Rose."

My stomach turned. I needed to escape it all.

I hoped to speak to Abe, but he said good night as well and left with Adrian. The two of them walked out my door with a new conversation between them as I stood frozen in the same spot. Once they disappeared down the hall, I saw Dimitri standing opposite my door, emotions swirling in his eyes. I couldn't decipher any of it and was too tired to try.

What was the point? He had already made his mind up.

His lips parted, hand flexing at his side before it curled into a fist. "Is there anything you need?"

"Will you be guarding my room tonight?" The question fell from my lips before I could stop myself. I had no idea what I would do with the information, but I wanted to know.

"Of course," he promised, "My job is not complete until you are safely home."

Job. A single word that felt like a knife. I took a few steps across the room to reach the door, squeezing the handle in my hand. "Good night, Mr. Belikov."

His eyes flashed as I closed the door, pressing my shoulder against it to hold it shut. I had to escape.

I laid awake in my bed, staring at the ceiling while listening to the sound of conversation downstairs diminish. The stairs would creak as guests turned in for sleep, and soon there was no more movement.

Everything became still.

My mind was made. I would break my engagement in the morning, and inform Abe that I would be leaving. I had no plan on where, but was willing to settle for anything at that point. Maybe I could find a house in the mountains and enjoy the solitude. My dowry would be enough to set me up comfortably, and then I could try to find a job. I would make my own way.

I was ready to leave everything without turning back, but I continued to think of Dimitri.

I couldn't bring myself to chase him; I didn't want to feel that rejection again, but I couldn't rid him from my mind.

I needed one last thing from him.

My feet touched the cool floor, stepping lightly so the creaks didn't travel. I hesitated at the door, staring at the handle as the candlelight flickered. He might believe me desperate or look at me with pity, but I wanted one last night—one last kiss. If I was to leave him and never look back, then I needed to say goodbye.

I turned the handle slowly, easing the door open until I could peer into the hall. A candle remained lit at the end of the hall, providing a dim light for anyone who needed to move around. Dimitri had been staring at it when I opened my door, his head snapping to the side instantly, wide eyes on mine.

"What's wrong?"

I eyed him. "Why do you always sit on the ground?"

He paused, then rose to his feet. "Do you need something?"

I nodded and stepped aside so he could step in. "I do."

Dimitri was hesitant, glancing down the hall before entering my room. I closed the door and leaned against it. I took in his tall form, memorising the smell of his leather coat and the colour of his eyes in the candlelight.

He swallowed; I watched his throat bobble. "What did you need?"

"You."

"Rose–"

"I don't want anything you are unwilling to give," I interrupted him. "What I want is just one more night. Would you like to join me?"

The indecision was obvious; his chest rising as he breathed slowly.

"I won't ask for you to confess your love or for you to change your mind. You've made the decision to leave me. What I want is just one more night to feel loved. Can you give me that?" I stepped closer as I spoke, my hand trailing up to the tie at the front of my chemise. Dimitri's eyes followed, watching intently as I pulled the string and loosened the neckline. "Will you give me that, Dimitri?"

His hands twitched, lifting until they hovered at my side. The mask on his emotions had fallen away, and I could see that same love shine in his eyes, mixing and tinged with longing and sorrow. "I can't promise you anything."

"I don't want your promises," I whispered, gravitating closer. "Just one more night."

Dimitri's lips covered mine as his fingers curled around my arms and drew me against his chest. The passion was as strong as before—just as consuming. It felt as if none of his love had faded, just his resolve to follow his heart. I would never forgive him for breaking my heart, but at least I could believe he still loved me.

We kissed, the exquisite feeling bittersweet. His tongue tangled with mine, not restraining himself to give me exactly what I wanted. I could almost pretend he hadn't rejected me—the sparks that moved through my body were the same as every other kiss we shared.

I could pretend…

The chemise slipped down my shoulders and pooled at my feet; his hands eagerly caressed the exposed skin, fingertips leaving a trail of heat across my body. Dimitri released me only to remove his dusters and unbutton his trousers. I made quick work of his shirt, undressing him until he was as bare as me.

Dimitri lifted my feet off the ground and carried me to the bed. The fact it was our first time to be together in a bed almost made me laugh. Nothing about our relationship was conventional. Maybe he was right, maybe it was never meant to last. But I couldn't regret that it happened.

Each touch made me shiver, bowing under him as paid attention to my breast with his mouth, and a hand slipped between my thighs. Dimitri curled an arm under my back to pin me in place as his tongue flicked and teased me, suckling until I whimpered. His fingers stroked me before pressing inside, easing a finger until his palm was flushed with my core.

I had to remember to stay quiet. The inn walls were thin, and my father and fiance were sleeping somewhere in the same building. I should feel guilty. A lady should feel ashamed to be with a man when promised to another, but I couldn't find it in me to care. I never promised myself to Adrian.

I was only promised to myself—no one else.

Dimitri was quiet, unlike previous experiences. It wasn't that he didn't speak; he usually mumbled in Russian, the whispered words lost in the sounds he pulled from me. I knew he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep, and I was grateful.

I couldn't promise that I wouldn't be tempted to believe him.

Dimitri lifted his head, intense eyes on mine as his hand continued to move. The pool of warmth gathered in my lower stomach, feeling heavier with each push and pull until I felt a heat overtake my body. Dimitri kissed me, swallowing any sound I made as I shook under him.

I was breathless and felt a pleasant tingle in my limbs. I felt perfect living in a world of pretend.

"Are you sure, Roza?" Dimitri begged, his hips lining up with mine. He felt hard, pressed between my thighs so I could feel his length—the proof of his desire for me.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, staring up at him. "Yes." I wanted to tell him I loved him when he entered me. I wanted to tell him I'll go to the ends of the earth for him.

It would all fall on deaf ears, so I kept my mouth shut and swallowed my confessions. I couldn't hide it from my expression, just as he couldn't. We never spoke the words, but love shined in our eyes.

Dimitri moved slowly, taking his time to memorise each moment. It felt sensual; each time our bodies met, I lost my breath. It felt perfect. It felt right.

I felt complete in a way I knew I never would be again.

"Don't stop," I pleaded, "please don't stop." Tears filled my eyes.

Dimitri gathered me in his arms, every part of us touched as he moved; kisses covered my face and neck, and his hand cradled the back of my head with his fingers buried in my hair. "I won't," he promised. "I'll never stop."

I never wanted him to stop loving me, and I knew he never would.

"Dimitri," I gasped as I became undone again, clinging to him desperately as I wished for the feeling to never end.

He didn't slow, working me through my pleasure and searching for his own in my body. Lips pressed to my forehead as I felt him tense. Suddenly, he pressed close. His hold tightened as he panted in my neck.

Tears slipped down my cheeks, knowing that our last moment together was over.

It was our goodbye.

I just wanted to add another note that one of the reasons that I went this way with the story is because I do like to throw in similar beats to the VA books just so there is still that connection, especially when it's an AU like this. It's just a personal preference :) Hope that makes sense ❤