hello angst lovers. let me know your thoughts! i have a couple chapters lined up if you're still following, please review :) its still following the canon events closely for now so some of the conversations are show dialogue or close to it - this will lessen but necessary to get things set up properly. oh and beware of POVs shifting bc i am a lawless fanfic writer ;) x
also i proofed this quickly on lunch so i apologize for the errors!
Regina tried to swallow the knot forming in her throat as she stared blankly at her mother's magic book. She had blackmailed Rumple for it by threatening to tell everyone the Enchanted Forest still existed. Her own attempts to get her magic working again had failed and Cora's magical heirloom was her last hope.
Just holding the spell book made memories of her youth flood her mind - memories she'd been able to suppress by just how content she had been during the curse. Now there was nothing to prevent her past from coming back to haunt her. Especially now that her present was becoming just as unbearable.
Regina clenched her jaw at the tears that threatened to spill in an attempt to control her emotions, though it barely helped. She let out a breath of defeat and leaned back against the bench below her apple tree. It had been a risk to leave her house at all to go to Rumple's shop. Anyone could've seen her and without her magic she wouldn't of been able to defend herself had someone been out for her blood. Luckily she had only seen the harmless Grasshopper who claimed he wanted to help her sort her sins and find out who she was.
A scoff escaped her at the thought as she stared at the jewel encrusted book in her hands, marveling at just how ironic it was that someone like Hopper thought he could help her. She had told him she knew exactly who she was and thanks to the events of late, everyone knew who she was. There wasn't any risk of her forgetting the things she had done, either. There were hundreds of people here to remind her with every comment and sideways glance and ill wish. Nearly every face she saw brought back a memory of something horrid she did to them or someone they loved during her reign.
Never did she think back then that she would someday regret her actions. She had been so consumed with pain and anger that she never thought she'd have the capability to love. No one could've convinced her that someday she would have people in her life that she cared for enough not to want to disappoint. She had written herself off the day she took her father's heart to enact her curse. She thought she would have no one to truly care for her again and didn't deserve to.
But years passed after she cast the curse and her heart began to slowly warm to the idiot shepherd. Snow had taken her love from her so Regina decided that making David hers during the curse was only appropriate. He had been an absolute moron in her eyes and someone she'd never run the risk of actually caring for. She would live satisfied knowing that her doting husband was Snow White's true love and she would keep them apart forever.
Regina hadn't expected to ever find the oaf's goodness or earnest nature endearing. She never in a million years would've thought she'd laugh at his jokes or truly find him funny. She hated affection so she ran no risk of being influenced by his warmth or touchy-feely behavior. She was sure he'd be vanilla and lackluster in the bedroom, so there would be no pesky sexual chemistry tempting her either.
She almost laughed out loud at how wrong she'd been. At first the newness helped her keep her distance. When she woke up the first morning in the home she'd created with her strapping blonde husband asleep beside of her, she'd felt nothing but victorious. Discovering everything she had plotted for years had fallen into place was enough to keep her content for a while.
Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months and soon she'd fallen into a daily routine with her sheriff husband in their picturesque home. The simple act of cohabitating with someone slowly began to open her eyes to just how lonely of an existence she was used to leading. David would make her a cup of coffee in the mornings, would show up at her office with lunch or bring her home flowers. He'd draw her a bath or make sure her side of the bed was pulled down for her before she came out of the bathroom. It was the tiniest things that made her realize he was thinking of her and just how long it had been since anyone truly had.
To say it had been pleasant was an understatement. Having someone to share her life with was such a foreign concept that she did not know what to do with the thoughtfulness and affection David confronted her with on a daily basis. Her first instinct was to reject it but in this reality they had been married and it would not make sense to treat him with contempt. Pushing him away into marital discord would show outwardly and there was no way in hell she'd let Mary Margaret think there was trouble between them. The way Snow drooled over Charming even during a curse was sickening but it gave Regina satisfaction to see the look on her face when they ran into her.
Despite her plan she had given into David's nature and allowed herself to be on the receiving end of it. It had been a slippery slope after that and soon she found herself actually looking forward to spending time with him. Wednesdays had been her busiest days with town hall meetings and he had insisted that they always go to Granny's after for dinner where he would convince her to get something entirely unhealthy. Saturday nights were date nights and he'd somehow come up with something different and fun for them to do every weekend. Sunday mornings were almost always spent in bed cuddling which led to playful romps and more intimate sex once she'd opened up to it.
It was jarring to realize that the man who was merely a pawn in her curse was making her genuinely happy. Everything had evolved so quickly that she could barely pinpoint when it had stopped being a cursed reality and became real for her. Somehow she had let herself forget that it was all fake and began actually living again. For the first time in her entire life she had a partner - someone of her own that she cared for and who reciprocated those feelings. She got to experience life with someone who was alive and well, not just a memory.
No one had looked at her the way David did except for Daniel. No one had ever been as truly interested in what she had to say or how she was feeling. No one had ever touched her so affectionately or known her body as intimately. The pull to love him was more intoxicating than the attraction of dark magic and she was helpless in stopping it from happening. Soon she found herself returning the acts of thoughtfulness and treating the marriage as genuinely as he did. She hadn't felt so content and carefree since her stableboy was alive.
Regina shook her head and swiped at the tears on her face with the back of her hand, straightening up in her seat and looking at her mother's book with a renewed focus. There was no time for her to sit and blubber over Prince Charming. Her goal now was to get her son back and she had to stop letting herself get side tracked with feelings. Rumple's comparison of her to her mother when she left his shop had been twisting in her gut. The pesky conscious she'd grown while being happy and loved during the curse screamed at her actions now. She was no better than Cora if she was going to force Henry to come back to her, but what other choice did she have?
She flipped open the spellbook, thumbing through it until she saw the one she searched for. Taking a deep breath she ran her fingers over the spell, closing her eyes briefly as she recited silently. The words turned into a small cloud over the page, swirling in front of her until she leaned in and inhaled. There was no going back now. If she was going to protect her son and herself, she needed magic. She felt the electricity sweep through her body, purple clouding her vision for a split second when she opened her eyes and took a deep breath. Her power was back.
"Can you get me through? Can you get them back? Does your hat still work?" David bombarded the Mad Hatter, leaning onto the table between them. He'd spent the morning striking a deal with Gold to get a potion that would allow him to track the Mad Hatter and try to find a portal. A portal to where, he wasn't sure - but it was one step closer to finding Snow and Emma.
The Mad Hatter merely laughed and shook his head, running a hand over his face, "It isn't that simple, if you only knew.."
"Look, I saw the stuffed rabbit and tea set in your car which means you probably have a daughter that you love," David grit out, staring him down in determination, "And I do too, and a wife, and they're out there. In the Enchanted Forest or worse, I don't know. But I have to get them back."
"They're in the Enchanted Forest, I can tell you that," The man nodded, "I just can't get us there."
Regina flashed into David's vision, anger stirring in his gut at the knowledge she'd manipulated him yet again. She had bold faced lied to him about the Enchanted Forest no longer existing so that the threat of Emma and Snow would be gone forever. "It exists?" He muttered bitterly.
"It exists, I don't know if that matters because like I said we can't get there," Jefferson shook his head, "I'm a portal jumper and you destroyed my portal, so you're out of luck," He motioned to the hat between them.
"Well I'm the closest thing left to a sheriff here so maybe I'll just lock you up until you think of a way," He glares, reaching out to snatch the mans scarf and jerk him more upright.
"Then all we'll do is both sit...stuck in this town. Two lives in our heads, forever at odds and double the pain and suffering. You'll constantly be torn between two women and families that both felt real-" David's heart beat in his ears as Jefferson stared him down knowingly, like he could see the way his heart was being torn in two different directions. One part of him knowing he had to go back to life with Snow and the other part of him still being attached to life with Henry and Regina.
The Mad Hatter took advantage of David's distraction, upending the table and taking off in a sprint down the street. David jumped up so quickly that his chair tipped over, taking off around the corner after the man.
"Out of my way!" He yelled at Ruby when she came into his vision, blocking him with a grab of his shirt.
"David stop! Regina has Henry-" Ruby said but his mind reeled, not processing the situation.
"But he had a portal, he has the way to them!" He yelled after Jefferson, trying to push past her.
Ruby gripped his shirt harder, making him look at her, "Regina has Henry, she's threatening everyone. She showed up at your town meeting that you missed. Her magic is back. Everyone is panicking, they want to leave town. David you're the only one besides Henry thats been close to her in years you need to talk to her-"
"Okay, okay but I have to go after him first. He's my only chance at getting Emma and Snow back!" David frowned and attempted to push past her again.
"Back to what?! This town is about to fall apart. You've gotta do something! David it's your grandson!"
David felt like his chest was going to explode any moment now. How was he supposed to lead the town to safety? How was he supposed to figure out any of this? His entire world had been ripped out from under him and everything he thought he knew for certain before the curse no longer seemed true. He was living in an alternate reality and the war between his head and his heart made things too loud to even process external issues. People were looking to him for guidance when he desperately needed some himself.
"I don't want to be you-" Henry looked at her seriously before getting up from his bed and leaving the room. She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her and she doubled over slightly, putting a hand where he just sat to catch her balance. When she looked into her son's eyes she had seen herself at his age. She recognized the fear and the entrapment that he felt. She had felt the same hopelessness every day while under the care of her mother.
She had been so determined to change things and take back her control when she had stormed into the Town Hall, tossing people around and hurling fire over their heads. The only thing people respected was fear and now that she had her magic back she could show them what fools they had been. She would get her son back and no one could stop her, and they could try to get things back to normal. It had all seemed so simple before when she was blinded by anger and the infectious power ripping through her veins.
Things were not the same as they had been back in the Enchanted Forest, before the curse when she dealt with things this exact way. As Evil Queen she would act out in anger and bully her way into getting what she wanted, without regard for anyone else's feelings. But now...now she had lived for years feeling happy and loved and it had allowed her conscious to resurface. She had become softer over the years, good thoughts overpowering the negative. Her heart slowly grew lighter and she began to feel empathy and consideration for others again. Especially those she cared for.
Her chest ached with guilt and sadness that she had once again been the bully. One who would hurt her own son to selfishly keep him... the Evil Queen. She had imprisoned him in the way she had been for years and by multiple people. Her magic trick with the cupcake was even a failed attempt at manipulation, another trait from Cora that she had cultivated during her dark reign.
Before she adopted Henry she had longed for a child. All she wanted was to have a family with Daniel and now that she had found herself happy again with David the yearning came back. When she finally held her son for the first time at the adoption agency she vowed to keep him safe and happy and to never become her mother. Now she had failed him. She became her mother and then surpassed her, turning into an unbridled evil being that committed unspeakable acts. Now she was the monster and she had no one to blame but herself for turning into what she said she'd never be...
"Hey, hey-" David's voice caught her off guard as she swept the bottle of hormones and needles and pregnancy tests into the bathroom trash can before sitting it back down on the floor. "What are you doing? You know Doctor Whale said it could take years of trying, we have to be patient-" He met her in the doorway, keeping her from going past him and out of their bedroom.
Regina swallowed hard and wiped the evidence of her breakdown from her face quickly, "It's almost been a year, it's not going to work and I cant take-" She choked down the knot in her throat that formed from stifling a sob, "-can't take the disappointment every time I think it might of happened and then I get a negative test."
She had no one to blame but herself. The potion she took before the curse had poisoned her body and turned her barren for good. Her feelings and life became so real for her in the curse that she allowed herself to hope that things would be different in this land - that the curse on her womb might of been taken away when they changed realms. It wasn't the case and she hated herself for it.
David looked at her with empathy filled eyes, stepping up to her and cupping the side of her face, "I don't want you to give up on being mother, Regina. I know how much you want it."
"How much we want it-" Her voice wobbled and she shifted her gaze down as a tear rolled down her cheek. She had allowed herself to fall head over heels for the man she'd cursed into being her husband. "You deserve the chance to be a father, I feel like I'm holding you back-"
Her stomach soured at the way she stood before him, knowing she had done this to them and letting him comfort her over it still. She felt guity every day since she'd fallen in love with him. Guilty for forcing him into this, guilty for not being able to at least give him a family, guilty for being so happy and content when he knew nothing.
"Regina, since the beginning when you told me you may have trouble conceiving, what did I tell you?" He rubbed his thumb over the apple of her cheek, locking gazes with her, "You're enough for me, if kids don't happen I'll still love you. I'm happy with it just being us, a baby would simply be a bonus..."
"How can I be enough?" She asked, her voice cracking midway through the sentence and turning it into a whisper. Her eyes shifted down, letting another tear drop from her dark lashes.
No one had ever considered her to be enough. Not since Daniel. Anyone that had gotten close to her since then had an ulterior motive to use her for what they wanted or to harm her in some way. It had been so long since someone had truly made an effort to see or know just Regina - to accept her in her truest form. Her life had been so lonely before the curse that she'd slowly let herself welcome how loved and accepted David made her feel. Sometimes enough to forget that it was all manufactured by her curse.
David saw that streak of self loathing bubble up within her, a side effect of growing up under her abusive mother's hand. She'd told him small glimpses into her childhood and teen years but he hadn't met her until much past that. He knew that she had escaped her mother the very moment she could and hadn't looked back. But her scars from her upbringing came to the surface at times and he was the only one who she'd let see her like this - puffy eyed and vulnerable.
"You will always be enough for me," David murmured, taking a few steps back into their bedroom to sit on the edge of the bed. He pulled her by her hand with him, running his hands up around her waist and bring her into his lap. She curled up, drawling her legs up and resting her head in the crook of his neck as his arms came around her protectively. "And if I seem disappointed it's merely because I'm sad for you, I know how much you want this and I want you to have it. You've worked so hard to overcome your fears of becoming like your mother and accepting the fact that you want to start a family. I can't see you give up on it now."
"I don't deserve you," She muttered, letting her eyes close as she inhaled his scent and let him hold her. There had never been a time she felt more calm or at peace than when David held her and she couldn't begin to wrap her mind around when or how it happened.
"You know I hate it when you say things like that," He murmured, kissing the top of her head, "I just want you to be happy...Why don't we adopt?"
Regina sniffled, lifting her head slowly from his chest to look at him. "You mean...you would? You wouldn't be disappointed that you didn't have a biological child?" The truth was he had one and she had taken them away already. The thought sickened her and she pushed it down quickly.
"God, no-" David frowned and ran a hand over her hair, "All that matters is I'm raising them with you. Love makes you family."
Her heart split wide open with affection for him, tinged only by the guilt that followed. She didn't deserve his kindness or his love after what she'd done in her lifetime but she took it desperately. The feelings consumed her enough that she could pretend it was real and she had wanted this for so many years. To be loved, to be free and to be happy.
She nodded slowly, biting down on her bottom lip to keep it from trembling as she blinked through her watery vision, "Let's adopt a baby."
Regina's tears fell freely now and she stood from Henry's bed, staring blankly around the room as she replayed her son's words in her mind. He wanted nothing to do with her. He didn't want to live with her. He didn't love her. He looked at her like he pitied her and was as distant as if he didn't know her. Like she hadn't been the one to tuck him in every night and make him pancakes and put bandaids on his boo-boos.
He had told the Charmings to keep her alive, but why? She hated herself for the disappointment in his gaze. She hated herself for failing him and their family. She hated herself for creating this entire mess to begin with, but she couldn't regret it. If she hadn't cast the curse she would've never been Henry's mother and that was the one thing she had to make right. She had to redeem herself in her child's eyes, no matter what it took.
David pushed in the door of his former home, seeing the Evil Queen startle at the table where she sat. He swung his sword out as he walked towards her, seeing her stand and visibly prepare herself for his berating. She squared her shoulders as he brought his sword up against her neck, showing no fear.
"Where is Henry?" David glared at her, "I want to see my son."
Her expression caught him off guard as she locked eyes with him, stepping up to where he held the sword to her neck And allowing it to press into her skin. There was a hint of honesty and vunerability in her eyes that he recognized from their time spent as husband and wife. She wasn't going to fight him but she didn't speak.
"I heard you made quite a scene at the Town Hall meeting," David narrowed his eyes at her, "Threatening to hurt people, really Regina?"
"It was your Town Hall meeting, perhaps you should've been there to keep order," She said evenly, her comment snarky but her tone tired and indicating she didn't really want to argue.
"I was busy trying to get my wife and daughter back...you remember them, right? The ones who fell into a portal while we saved you from the wraith?" He shook his head with a scoff, "And this is how you repay us? Using violence to take back Henry?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you-" Regina clenched her teeth, swallowing back the retort that Henry was legally hers and they had no rights to him. Her son would hear the argument and it would not help his view of her.
"You never held back during our marriage-" He raised a brow and wasn't sure why he goaded her, "Why start now?"
"Henry, come down," She called out, veiling her inner turmoil with a cool outward demeanor. She glanced back from the stairs to him as she spoke, "You won't be using your sword."
"Whatever you have planned, I can fight it-" He clenched his jaw but she lifted a hand and pushed the sword away from her. He couldn't tell what game she was playing but he didn't trust her angle.
"I mean, you won't need your sword..." She said calmly though her eyes thundered with emotion, so much swirling inside of her dark depths that he couldn't pinpoint which ones.
He heard Henry start to come down the stairs and her eyes shifted to their son immediately, causing David to turn protectively. He felt guilty for even suspecting Regina would hurt him but he reminded himself that this wasn't the woman he thought he was married to. This was the Evil Queen and he never could be too cautious.
He began to follow her when she took a few steps up to become eye level with Henry and he stopped himself when she made no move to touch him.
"Henry, you're going to go home with David-" She said, though David could barely hear her. Her tone sounded reassuring but her voice betrayed her, becoming softer with sentiment. "I shouldn't of brought you here..."
David hated the way his heart flipped when he heard the sadness in her voice. He could tell by the way she spoke and the volume that she was struggling to keep her composure right now. She sounded like she had during their intimate talks when she'd shown him little pieces of herself, appearing so genuine and open. David knew that had all been an act but right now it was real. He had seen the way she loved Henry and knew it was probably the only pure emotion the Evil Queen had.
Regina paused for a moment, looking at her son as she tried to explain it in a way a boy would understand, "I don't know how to love very well.." She admitted, "I wasn't capable of it for a very long time, but I know that if you hold onto someone too hard, it doesn't make them love you. I'm sorry I lied and made you feel like I didn't know who you are. I want you to be here because you want to be, not because I forced you...and not because of magic."
She looked at Henry now with a pleading expression, wanting him to know she was telling him the truth, "I want to redeem myself," She whispered, hoping David couldn't hear her baring her soul to her son. Henry remained unmoved, looking back at her with the same blank expression. She gripped the railing in defeat and whispered for him to go get his things.
"Prove it-" David spoke up then, seeing her turn around to face him after Henry ran back up to pack his things.
"How?" A slight frown marred her features and the question appeared to be genuine. She lacked the smug expression and scheming eyes that the Evil Queen typically had.
"Answer one question..." David stared her down, wanting to put her to the test but not knowing why he cared so much. What did it matter if Regina really wanted to redeem herself or not? Was she even capable of feeling remorse or guilt? This was likely all an act for Henry and he didn't know why he was so eager to see if she'd lie to him again.
"Does it exist?" He asked anyways, "-the Enchanted Forest, our land - does it still exist?"
Regina tried to steel her expression as she took a few steps back down to the foyer to face him. Her eyes were glossy and she looked up at the man she had manipulated and lied to consistently up until this point. She had vowed to Henry she was going to change, and telling the truth was the first step.
"Yes," She looked up at David truthfully, her stomach turning at the pang of hurt she saw in his expression followed by something unreadable, "But I have no idea how to get back there..."
David gazed at her for a long moment, not knowing why he felt so relieved that she told him the truth about the Enchanted Forest still existing. He didn't know why he was concerned with hearing Regina admit to the fact when it meant so much more - his wife and daughter were still alive.
Regina stiffened herself against the wave of emotion that twisted her gut when she saw him process the news. She knew his thoughts had landed on Snow and Emma and she could practically hear the wheels turning for him. "I can see I just launched you on a heroic quest..."
He was brought by his thoughts, seeing the emotion welling in Regina's eyes. He studied her expression, trying to process the tension between them. She looked so vulnerable and real, like she had to him so many times before. He hated that he wanted to fall for it all over again, to believe she really was remorseful and miserable. She just wanted to appear like she was putting someone else first, likely to cover up something she had planned for later.
"Just also make sure you take care of my son," Her voice became a whisper at the end and she stared at him with pleading eyes that made him hate himself for even doubting Henrys safety with her earlier.
The war within him raged at the way her current demeanor made his heart react. Logic told him he needed to keep his distance and that it was all a game, but his heart throbbed to believe her and comfort her. Regardless of his feelings over her, this was about Henry. No matter what, their love for him was the one thing they'd always have in common and he saw it in her today.
"That I can do..." He replied quietly with a slight nod. "You know I always will, Regina...We promised each other we would years ago. He was the one real thing that came from this and I know our love for him wasn't part of the curse."
Regina nodded once and stared up at him with a heartbreaking expression as they heard Henry running down the stairs with his bag. David gave her one last nod before turning and following their son out the front door. She watched them go from the top stair like she had so many mornings before, hands clasped in front of her as the two people she loved more than anything left. Except this time, they wouldn't be home for dinner.
David glanced over at his grandson as they sat at Granny's diner. The boy hadn't touched much of his breakfast and he knew that he was still recovering from the undoubtedly confusing scene at Regina's house. Henry hadn't said much since and he knew the boy struggled with his feelings as much as he tried to hide it.
"Hey, kid-" He forced a smile at him to get his attention, "It's real. The Enchanted Forest still exists-"
"But how do we know they survived the trip there?" Henry looked up at him, the weight of the world visible on the young boy's shoulders.
David didn't know what to say. He couldn't promise Henry that Emma and Snow were okay. He was still struggling with wrapping his head around everything that had happened. Still, Henry was too young to have concerns of this nature and David knew he had to reassure him somehow.
"I can feel it," He mustered the most genuine smile he could at Henry then, letting out a breath of relief when the boy's expression changed from solemn to slightly hopeful.
Nausea hit Regina like a ton of bricks as she watched David reassure Henry that Emma and Snow were okay. He beamed from his seat at the diner and said he could feel it, which only meant that his bond with Snow was as strong as ever. They shared true love and as long as they were both alive they would be tethered. She hated herself for ever believing she could change that.
David would find Snow and Emma and Henry would choose to remain with them. They'd live as a family and put her in their past as quickly as they could. Her chest ached for release and she let out a sob, making the foyer mirror she watched them through shatter. She gasped at the sound, stepping back when the the pieces fell from the mirror frame at her feet.
Her emotions had activated her magic subconsciously and it startled her at how rusty she was at containing it. If she were going to redeem herself for Henry she had to be more careful than this. She shook her head, quickly turning to snatch Cora's book from the dining room table. She set it in the china cabinet by her dining room, quickly turning the lock to keep in an attempt to keep her temptation out of sight and mind.