"I can't let go of my past-" Regina marched into Hopper's office and slammed the door shut behind her, feeling momentary relief that it was only him she found inside. In her rashness she hadn't considered he may be with another client before she barged in and blurted out something so personal. She stood in the middle of the room and eyed him, trying to catch her breath after power walking most of the way here in hopes she could relieve some of the building tension within her. Archie looked surprised at her sudden entrance but straightened in his chair and put down his pen as if he were waiting for her to continue. So she did . "You were right. I haven't let go of my past. I brought everything with me here. Even someone from my past. I can't let go of it...I don't know how to let go of it...especially now."
"Please, have a seat-" Hopper nodded towards the chair in front of his desk.
Regina frowned and put her hands on her hips as she glanced between him and the chair, hesitating last minute on whether or not to go through with this. She'd sworn she wouldn't come back here and told herself it was useless, but she had nowhere else to turn. "Don't you have other appointments?"
"Not until this afternoon," Dr. Hopper replied evenly, watching her like he knew she was looking for a reason to back out of her impulsive decision to show up.
"Don't you have to prepare for them?" Regina shrugged stubbornly and crossed her arms, "Besides, wouldn't you have to pull my file and review your notes from last time before you know what to say to me? Isn't that why you have to schedule these appointments? So that you can get your little hope speeches prepared?"
"I don't prepare speeches for my patients, Regina," He answered her with no trace of annoyance, giving her nothing to latch onto in order for her to leave in a huff. She hated that she could never seem to get an angry reaction from the bug lately. His placid nature didn't allow her to rile him up and deflect from her own issues like she normally could with others. "I have time for a walk-in appointment."
"I don't even know why I came-" She remained where she stood, jaw clenching as she shifted on feet that wanted to carry her out as quickly as she came. "It's not like you can do anything to help what is happening right now-"
"I could try-" Hopper suggested and shrugged. "...And if I can't do anything to help your problem, I can at least listen..."
Regina felt the turmoil twist her stomach and travel up her chest in the form of anxiety, causing a knot to tighten in her throat. She was truly overwhelmed and hadn't felt this inept since she was a heartbroken seventeen year old cradling a lifeless body in her parent's stables.
"He's back-" She felt the words begin to spill from her and she dropped her arms from their crossed position, running one hand through her hair as she looked away from him. "Daniel. Whale brought him back to life and he's...he's not himself and I can't...I don't know what to do. The heart in his chest is reacting with his mind and he sometimes loses control. I found a potion that helps calm him but I don't know how much longer his mind will remain strong enough to fight what his heart is doing to him. And the...the heart Whale used, I think it's dark... very dark . Daniel loses all traces of himself when it takes over and I never know when it may start to happen-" She let out a gasp of emotion and exhaustion when she let herself make eye contact with him again, "I am losing him again and he is all I have left."
"Regina, I'm so sorry-" Hopper replied gently and she would've screamed at him if she thought it came from a place of pity. Instead his expression seemed sincere and empathetic and she could only swallow roughly when her throat constricted. "The memories this must be bringing back for you and the pain of the current situation has to feel overwhelming."
"You think?" She grit out tersely but her voice wavered despite her attempt to seem callous. "What do I do? I can't give up on him. I can't let him down again."
"Let him down?" Hopper questioned and Regina could only glare at his inquisition. Logically she knew that asking questions was a part of his useless profession but she was not used to anyone wanting to know how she felt. No one had ever wanted to share her burden except David and that was only due to the curse. He didn't care about her feelings in reality and rightfully so.
"I was the reason he died. My mother killed him because he loved me," She admitted and gave a weak shrug, biting back the grimace of pain the memory caused.
"Your mother killed Daniel?" Hopper asked with barely contained shock, his eyes widening briefly before he reined in his reaction. "Regina, please sit down and let's start from the beginning."
She glanced again to the chair in front of his desk and her heart began to sink, the heaviness in her chest prompting her physical need to sit down. Before she made the conscious decision to do so she rounded the chair and sat, clasping her hands anxiously in her lap to keep from fidgeting. Where did she even begin? Had she ever told her full story to someone? Would he still want to help her once she had?
"I'm not here to judge you. Only to listen. I can help you more if I know how we got to this point," He explained carefully. "Nothing you say here will leave the office. No matter what happens. You have my word."
"Why do you want to help me? Weren't you on Snow's council that decided my death was the only way to stop me back in the Enchanted Forest?" Regina snarled at him, bitterness churning in her stomach as her mind procured last minute reasons to retreat from this conversation. "I cursed you, manipulated you into helping me when Emma came into town, and caused most of the problems people in this town came to see you over. Are you working with someone against me?"
"I can assure you I am not working with anyone. I simply want to help," Archie frowned then and glanced down at his desk briefly. "I have witnessed you in both realms, Regina. I knew of the crimes you committed in the Enchanted Forest and the unrelenting lengths you went to to bring Snow White pain. It wasn't until I heard you speak what you thought would be your last words before your execution that I realized you were merely a human being in unspeakable pain," He paused with a knowing look at her before continuing. "And during this curse I have seen a different side of you. You came to me for help when you were unable to conceive and we discussed what having a child meant to you and your decision to adopt Henry. I've seen the mother you are to him and I've seen the wife you are to David."
Regina narrowed her eyes at him, feeling her skin getting hot at the mention of David. Hopper knew she loved her son, but touching on the subject of David made her instantly feel exposed and vulnerable. "My marriage was simply a part of the curse."
"I think in the beginning it was, but I have observed you with him over the years. You gave me a doctorate in psychology. I can tell when people are unhappy and struggling, but I can also sense when they are genuinely happy and truly in love," Archie added cautiously, meeting her gaze and raising his hand in a silent plea for her to remain open-minded as he seemed to know it was dangerous territory. "I have seen the change that being loved made in you and it helped me understand that it was what you were searching for all along. That feeling of loving someone and being loved in return. It's what was taken from you that prompted your quest for revenge, is it not?"
"Well if you have me all figured out then what else do I need to say?" Regina replied, sarcasm dripping from every syllable. "Let's skip the recap and get to you telling me how to fix it."
"The only way to move forward is to work through it, Regina-"
"That still doesn't answer why you want to help me-"
"Because I know there is more to you than the Evil Queen that everyone sees," Archie looked at her genuinely as he spoke and she felt her emotions resurface. No one but Daniel had treated her kindly since the curse was broken and even his moods were faltering. "I know you want to redeem yourself for Henry and I want to help you work through your past so you are better equipped to be who you want to be for him. I want to help you show others who you truly are beneath the mask of the Evil Queen. You may have cursed me, but in it you gave me a successful practice and a respectable position in the community. You even gave me Pongo..." He raised an eyebrow in emphasis. "I was on your enemy's counsel, yet you still provided me stability and a companion. You gave nearly everyone in this town a life of contentment in a modern realm that was much safer than the land we came from. That doesn't seem so evil to me."
"So you want to know my story just to help me ," Regina stared back at him skeptically, studying his expression and body language for any hint of an ulterior motive. "Everyone that has ever promised to help me has done the opposite. Why would I trust you?"
"You have your magic back. You have the ability to do away with me should you ever regret telling me anything or should I break your trust," He nodded. "I am putting just as much trust in you and your desire to change by getting involved and offering my help."
Regina troubled her bottom lip between her teeth as she stared at him blankly and considered it. Deep down she knew he was a fair and kind person. He felt the need to help people even before she brought him to Storybrooke and gave him the doctorate in psychology. She couldn't believe such a foolish profession existed in this modern realm when she was creating the curse, but it seemed a good fit for a cricket with good listening skills and crippling empathy. Never in a million years did she think she'd seek help from his expertise in feelings .
"My mother would consider your profession an exercise for the weak-minded," Regina looked at him frankly, not knowing where to begin and saying the first thing that came to her mind as she toyed with trusting Archie's offer. "She had no tolerance for anyone who wasn't able to compartmentalize and even less patience for displays of emotion. Some of my first memories of her were being scolded for crying or seeking comfort as a small child. It was unbecoming of a lady."
"She never comforted you as a child?"
"Comforted? No," Regina shook her head with a contemplative frown and stared towards Archie's desk as she thought back. "Mother wasn't a hands-on parent and more strict in her discipline. I knew from a very early age that she was to be obeyed."
"Would you consider her discipline to border abusive?" Hopper asked and she felt her irritation spike.
"Just because my mother was a strict disciplinarian does not mean she was abusive," She found herself becoming defensive though she wasn't sure why. Her mother was extremely harsh and overbearing, but was she truly an abuser ? "She was that way with me because she wanted the best for me."
"In her discipline was she ever cruel?" He asked and she met his gaze with a clenched jaw.
"Define cruel..."
"Let me put it this way..." Archie's stare was unwavering as he spoke and she avoided eye contact with him uncomfortably. "Would you use your mother's methods of punishment on your own son?"
"Absolutely not-" Regina grit her teeth immediately and sat up straighter in her chair. "If you are suggesting that I mistreat my son-"
"I am not suggesting that, Regina," He replied in his irritatingly calm manner. "If your mother were here, would you let her help raise your son in the same manner in which she raised you?"
"I would snap her neck if she touched a single hair on Henry's head-" Her tone came out fiercely protective and she crossed her arms, pushing her shoulders into the back of the chair.
"What was it about her parenting style that you would forbid her to repeat with Henry?"
"The only way I knew how to be a mother was to do the exact opposite of what Cora did, but would I call her an abuser ?" She rolled her eyes and gave a bitter chuckle. "Trust me, I went on to know what a true abuser was after I left my mother's home."
"Let me rephrase that, then. In what ways does your own parenting style differ from your mothers? What did you choose to do differently with Henry?"
"If you really must know," Regina gave a roll of her eyes at what a waste of time it seemed. "I would never deny Henry comfort. I could never just let him cry in his crib or push him away when he clung to me. Regardless of how exhausted I was between work and being a single parent, I would always pick him up when he wanted to be held and give him attention whenever he asked for it because it upset me to see him upset. I disciplined by taking away games or lecturing him, but I would never resort to anything physical. Even if he got himself into trouble I would try to save him from the consequence while my mother would often create the consequence. For example, Henry knew he wasn't supposed to climb trees, but when I would catch him doing so I would help him down safely. My mother would've snapped a limb with her magic to make me fall and teach me a lesson."
"She would discipline you with physical harm?"
"At times," Regina nodded once, squaring her shoulders and refusing to let her inner turmoil show. "She would only strike me when her own temper spiraled out of control. She preferred to constrain me as she knew that bothered me more."
"Constrain you?"
"She would lock me in my bed chamber mostly," Regina averted her gaze to the wall behind Archie. "Other times she would use her magic to summon belts to strap me down so that I could not move my limbs. If I had been especially defiant she would constrain me with belts and then lift me in the air and leave me as she knew I was scared of heights."
Archie was watching her with compassion in his eyes when she met his gaze and he took a deep breath before responding, "If it were your son instead of you that she did this to, would you consider it abuse?"
"I..." Regina paused and cleared her throat, her eyes glossing with tears at the mere thought of Henry being treated in such a way. "Yes I would, but Henry could never deserve such a thing. He is perfect."
"You think you deserved the way your mother treated you?"
"I think that being myself was not enough to please my mother and she wanted me to be more."
"Would you ever manipulate your son into being something you wanted him to be?"
"I did manipulate Henry," Her tears threatened to spill now and she dug her fingertips into her crossed arms in an attempt to remain stoic. "I made him think he was crazy for believing. I used my mother's tactics to try to get him to stay with me. To try to keep him like a prisoner. Even before the curse started breaking he thought I was too strict with bedtimes and screen time and no sugar rules."
"Regina, you and David told Henry he was adopted as soon as he was old enough to understand. Instead of keeping the truth from him you were honest and you brought him to me so that he could talk through anything he felt he couldn't speak to you or David about. You did everything right. As for the bed time and screen use and sugar rules," Archie gave a hint of a smile, "That is simply structure that every child needs and nothing you should let him guilt you for. You only reverted to your mother's style of manipulation when you were threatened with the curse unraveling and losing Henry. Manipulating your child is never okay, but I like to look at the motivations behind people's actions. You were acting out of desperation at the thought of losing your son while your mother manipulated you for her own agenda. Those are two very different reasons."
"So you're saying the way I am now is all Cora's fault?" Regina deflected from the gravity of his observation and forced a sarcastic smile. "That everything I've done since I was a child was because of her abuse and I should be forgiven? You know, that would make things a lot easier if I could blame Cora."
"I am not saying that you're absolved of accountability, but I believe you are letting your own actions in the years since blur the lines of what you have done and what's been done to you. Just because you went on to do dark things as an adult in pain does not make you deserving of the abuse you suffered when you were an innocent child. Or any further abuse, for that matter."
"What does it matter now?" Regina scoffed and shook her head. Her current level of self-loathing didn't allow her to feel any empathy for the young girl she had stored away and shielded with the Evil Queen for years. She wasn't sure that was a dam she'd ever be prepared to break.
"It matters.." Hopper nodded and leaned his arms on his desk. "You said Cora was the person who took Daniel from you."
"Yes," Regina grit out and stoned her expression. "When she accepted the King's proposal to marry me, I planned to elope with Daniel. My mother caught us before we could and she acted for a moment as if she might accept it, but it was only to get close enough to take his heart. She crushed it in front of me so that I would be free for Leopold."
"And then you were forced to marry him..." Archie listened, seeming to piece together the timeline. "How old were you?"
"I turned seventeen the month before I wed," Regina shrugged indifferently, looking around the office once more as she grew uncomfortable. "It was not a happy marriage. End of story. Now what am I supposed to do about Daniel being back?"
Archie hesitated for a moment before nodding, seeming to understand they had covered all of her past that she would allow for the day. "Daniel is staying with you in your home?"
"Yes," Regina glanced at the clock on the wall to ensure she had enough time before Daniel would wake again. "The potion is only a temporary fix. Tampering with life and death is...there's no real way to make it right. The enchantment spell I put on his body to bring him here preserved his mind. It is still strong enough to bring him back from the dark pull of the heart inside of him, but it won't last. I see him growing weaker against it each day and he seems to have less time as himself before the heart takes over and causes him too much pain to remain awake."
"Has he said what he wishes to do?"
"No," She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked back at Archie then, feeling tears finally spill over her lashes. "Sometimes I think...I think I can see in his eyes that he wants to give up. That he knows he'll never be able to be himself. Any fix I have found involved losing even more of who he was or would end up killing him. At times I think he is just holding on for me..." Regina admitted, voice cracking with guilt. "I have caused him so much pain by not being able to let him go."
"What do you plan to do?"
"That's why I'm here, so that you can tell me what to do-" Regina snapped irritably. "I know what I want to do. I want to keep him living for as long as I can and selfishly hold onto him. I want to give into the Evil Queen and use dark magic to make him physically healthy. Even if he would end up an evil version of who he once was. I would get to keep him with me and he would be like me. He would be someone like me who understands the darkness and wouldn't judge me for it..." She explained tearfully and then gave a bitter laugh at the notion. "But...I know that I can't...I can't turn him into what I am. I can't do that to him."
"I think you already know what you will have to do, Regina," Hopper replied and she avoided his kind eyes so that she didn't break down entirely. "Spend some time with him and discuss it with him. It is his decision to make and he needs to know you will accept whatever he chooses to do."
"I fear I am not going to like the answer he gives," She admitted with a small voice, choking back the sob that bubbled in her throat. Another glance at the clock on Archie's wall had her standing in just a few seconds, "I need to go."
"Thank you for coming today," Archie stood and she was thankful he did not argue her choice to leave. "I look forward to speaking to you next week."
"We'll see," She eyed him and took a deep breath. The only display of gratitude she could muster was a small nod of her head before she turned to exit the office as quickly as she had entered.
David found his feet carrying him up the path to his former home on Mifflin Street despite trying to talk himself out of it all morning. He had avoided reaching out to Regina since the first night she'd watched Henry but still thought about her constantly despite everything he juggled. His town was in crisis between the people in distress, George threatening him and now Billy's murder. Still David found he couldn't ignore the image of Regina being alone with a potentially dangerous man. A man he knew she still loved and would likely allow to hurt her.
He had an excuse for showing up at least, however shoddy it may seem. Being the only officer in town he had to investigate Billy's death and he needed someone to watch Henry. It had been enough reason at the time for him to hop in his truck and drive to Regina's, though his confidence began to falter as he cleared the front steps. Why hadn't he just called?
"Regina?" He called out after letting himself in the front door and instantly regretted having done so. He was treating this house like he still lived there and didn't have to knock. She was living with another man and he was barging as if he was still her husband. Idiot .
"David?" He heard her question with an alarmed tone, making him turn and follow her voice to the entryway of the kitchen.
Regina stood at the kitchen island wearing an apron and an expression of surprise, spatula in hand while breakfast sizzled on the stove in front of her. She loved being in the kitchen and he could always find her there happily working on some new recipe she wanted them to try. It had been one of his favorite sights to see each morning and in the evenings when she made it home and started dinner before he could. The twinge of warmth in his chest soon turned into a sinking pit in his stomach when his eyes shifted to see a man sitting on the stool across from Regina. The very stool that David himself used to occupy. His spot where he sat and flirted with her while he watched her cook.
" Uh , sorry to show up unannounced-" He muttered and cleared his throat, seeing Daniel turn to look back at the intrusion. It was clear he hadn't thought it through before barging in and interrupting her domestic scene with her long lost lover. What would he have done if they had been up to more than breakfast ? His entire body tensed at the thought of Regina having sex with him and he felt angry heat creeping up his neck as he tried to gather himself. "Can I talk to you?"
"Is it Henry? Is he alright?" Worry furrowed Regina's dark brows as she wiped her hands on the tea towel and turned the heat down under whatever she was cooking.
"He's fine-" David reassured. She loved Henry more than anything and he would never worry her over Henry's safety, no matter how angry he was with her. He noticed Daniel watching their exchange and glanced at him before looking back to Regina for an introduction. Her wide eyes merely darted between the two men as if she'd entirely forgotten how to speak and David knew he'd have to break the silence.
"Hello, I'm David...I'm Regina's...I'm the sheriff here," He stumbled for words like an idiot and cringed at how he almost called himself her husband .
"I'm Daniel Colter. It's nice to meet you," Daniel replied but did not offer to stand and shake his hand which only served to make David dislike him more. He studied him as they stared one another down, noting the pale color of his skin before clocking the clothes he wore. Not only was the man living in his house, sitting on his stool and watching his Regina cook him breakfast, he was also wearing David's clothes. His resentment reached its boiling point in record time and he spoke before he could stop himself, "I would welcome you to Storybrooke but I see you've already made yourself at home."
"David..." Regina warned, rounding the counter in an attempt to lead him out of the kitchen but David stepped closer and stopped to glance between them both.
"What? You did know we'd have to discuss what happened to Dr. Whale at some point-" David replied pointedly before looking back at Daniel who sat with his hands wrapped around a mug of tea. His anger bubbled at the casual way the man remained seated, as if he found himself bored by David's presence.
Daniel at least had the decency to look somewhat remorseful at the mention of Whale and spoke up for himself then, "I do apologize for any harm I caused that man. As I'm sure Regina told you, I was not feeling myself at the time."
David smiled falsely at the weak expression Daniel gave and the way Regina looked at him with such empathy in her eyes. She moved a few steps closer to Daniel before glancing back at David with a frown, "Is that why you came here?" She asked defensively.
"No, actually ," His voice was tight with irritation at the protective way she took over for the monster sitting in her kitchen. "We had a murder in town last night. You two wouldn't know anything about that, would you?" He asked but looked directly at Daniel instead of Regina, feeling suspicious that his meek demeanor was an act.
"Of course he wouldn't. He's been with me," Regina's tone was dangerously low and she crossed her arms impatiently. "So you came here to interrogate us for murder?"
"Believe me if there weren't more likely suspects right now, I would be interrogating you," David shrugged at Daniel, "No offense, but your recent incident with Whale would naturally make you a suspect," He said before turning back to Regina, "And you? Well, I don't have to explain why you would be."
"If you could get to your reason for being here instead of being rude to Regina, we would very much appreciate it," Daniel spoke up firmly and David watched the man's hands tense around the mug he held as if he was losing his temper. Good .
"Well it's regarding our son, so I don't think it's any business of yours-" David spat back at him, giving a cocky raise of his eyebrow. Who was he to think he suddenly belonged back in her life after so many years had passed?
"Our son? Interesting how that point is only relevant when it suits you," Regina said dryly, drawing his gaze back to her. "You said he was fine."
"He is, but I'll need to be out late doing this investigation. Can you watch him tonight?" David asked before throwing a glare at Daniel, "Obviously at my apartment. Not here."
"Yes," Regina replied sharply without hesitation. She was clearly not going to give him a chance to revoke the invitation to spend time with her son. "Text me when you need me to come over."
"You sure it's not interrupting your little reunion here?" He asked with a shrug and hated the way his jealousy roared inside of him at the thought of what they had been up to.
"No, of course not. Daniel knows how important my son is to me," Regina replied and turned to smile warmly at Daniel, running her hand over one of his that still gripped his mug. Seeing her touch him with such care made David's head want to explode which only infuriated him further. Why did he care?
"Can I speak to you privately for a moment?" He growled before stalking out of the kitchen and down hall that led to her study, stopping where he knew they'd be out of earshot.
The sound of her footsteps followed him just moments after and he spun around to face her, "You can't be serious with all of this," He motioned towards the direction of the kitchen, "How will you explain your live-in boyfriend to our son?!"
" My live in boyfriend -" Regina repeated and let out a breathy laugh as her eyes widened, "Oh no , I am not taking a parenting lecture from you when you're about to have your wife back. Not to mention I am doing everything you ask of me when it comes to Henry and I am keeping my promise to him not to use magic. I will not be lectured by you about who I spend my time with when you took my son and left me ."
"I came back and you practically forced me to leave so you could find this guy! How do you think this will look to Henry? We've barely been gone five minutes and you've already moved Daniel in to play house like me and Henry were never even here! He's wearing my clothes for fuck sake!"
"Is this truly about Henry's feelings?" Regina's entire expression changed with the simple question as she stepped dangerously close to him and tilted her head up to smirk defiantly. "Or is that a little jealousy I'm sensing, David?"
"You wish," He glared down at her unflinching, watching the way her dark eyes sparkled with anger and that hint lust that he'd become an expert at spotting over the years. She seemed to have caught on that his reaction to Daniel was not all about Henry and he hated the power it gave her, feeling the need to taunt her to deflect from it. "What's the matter, Regina? You have the man you always thought you wanted back, but you still want me between your legs?"
"I think we both know that it is quite the opposite," Regina locked dark eyes with light blue, exploiting the tension that lingered between them. He wanted her as much as he wanted to hate her and she wore a smug grin at his jealous outburst. "It's driving you crazy isn't it? Knowing he is here in our home," Her voice lowered to the husky tone she reserved for whispering filthy words of encouragement in his ear. "...in our bed enjoying me while you are all alone."
"I won't be alone for long. I'll have my wife back soon enough-" He forced a triumphant smile. "My one true love ," He added, twisting the dagger as far as he could out of spite.
"Then why are you still so angry?" She mocked innocently as her gaze traveled to his lips before lifting back to his eyes. "Is it because you know deep down that even when she returns you're still going to think of me when you fuck her?" Regina gave a catlike grin, "I don't envy the situation you're in, David. I know what it's like to be in a marriage that requires you to fake it."
David wanted to put his fist through the wall beside of her but he pressed his hand flat against it and leaned closer to her instead, "I do imagine your marriage to Leopold lacked in the bedroom department given his age, but at least I handled you properly for a few years," He watched her breath hitch as he paused, bringing their faces inches apart and giving a hint of a lusty smirk, "Don't worry, Regina. It's only natural that you miss it. You want me to give Daniel pointers? Tell him about that spot on your neck? That place you like me to bite on your inner thigh? Or that you come in record time when I reach my hand around to stroke you while I take you from behind-"
"That's enough," Regina's neck flushed pink and his gaze traveled down to her breasts at the way her chest heaved. He was half hard between their argument and the thought of being inside her but it was worth it to turn her game around on her.
"I'll text you later," He eyed her for a few moments longer and hated himself for explicit memories of her that flooded his mind. Snow was in another realm trying to get back to him while he was having heated arguments with their enemy. Their enemy that he couldn't seem to leave alone . An audible breath escaped him as he tore his gaze from hers and turned on his heels for the front door. This visit had clearly been a mistake.
Regina cursed the uncomfortable sofa in Snow's loft, shifting from where she sat staring blankly at a note on the coffee table. David left with a brief muttering that he'd be back later as soon as he'd opened the door and Henry was already in bed. There had been nothing to do but wander around the drab apartment judging Snow's decorative choices and letting her own thoughts consume her. She'd attempted to make herself comfortable enough to rest when it grew late but the scribbled paper on the coffee table had only thrown her once more.
David had left a note for her and she didn't know what to make of it or if she was an idiot for even giving it a second thought. It was something he used to do that ranged from reminding her of Henry's school assembly to something as foolish as telling her he loved her, or letting her know where he was when work called him out at night and he didn't want to wake her. She didn't know how much time had passed as she sat on the edge of the cheaply upholstered sofa and studied the stupid gesture that was making her feel entirely too vulnerable.
He'd written her name at the top, followed by a number for the station in case his cell phone died and she needed to reach him. Like she didn't know his work number by heart. Then there was the brief scribbling of ' tea bags in the far right cabinet and kettle on the stove' that made an odd, almost homesick feeling flood her chest. She always drank tea at night to help her unwind and David even made it for her most nights during their marriage. It was part of their routine and she slowly began to realize that it was indeed homesickness she felt, but it was not for a place. She was homesick for him.
Something as silly as him being thoughtful enough to mention her tea was a stark contrast to their recent interactions and the hint of kindness made her ache. She hated the way she brought the worst out in him now but he'd pushed her so far earlier that she had taken the bait and retaliated. It was clear he was angry that she appeared to be getting her happy ending with Daniel after tearing his life apart. She knew he wasn't jealous but the way he reacted had given her the perfect opportunity to accuse him of it and she used it just to irk him.
Letting him think that she and Daniel were living in domestic bliss had been easier than admitting the truth. Her pride wouldn't allow her to let him know what was really happening. Not to mention the fact that she did not know what Daniel's fate held. It was best she kept David thinking the worst so he would not try to get involved in her mess. She didn't have the capacity to deal with her feelings for David and Daniel at the same time.
Things between them had become so toxic and the constant harsh words had allowed her to stifle how much she missed him. She was able to ignore how much she craved her David when he was acting like the opposite. Now, with a simple stupid note , he gave her a glimpse of the man she fell in love with and she longed to seek comfort in him once more. Losing Daniel when she was young devastated her but what was happening now somehow felt worse.
Her relationship with Daniel was a young and naïve love cut desperately short. He was the first person who took an interest in getting to know her, but they weren't granted the opportunity to be together long enough for their relationship to evolve. Losing him left her dreaming of what their life could have been and she spent years grieving the love and family she'd imagined they'd have. The cruelest twist yet had been him returning as she'd dreamed of and now losing him again before they had time.
With David there was nothing left to imagination and it hurt all the more. She knew how good they could be together because she lived it for years. The curse gave her a partner for the first time in her life and she felt what it was like to truly have someone. They'd been through the giddy newly-married phase and times when they did nothing but irritate one another. They quarreled like stubborn idiots and learned how to compromise when it mattered. They spent countless nights fucking each other senseless and just as many spooning under covers. They went through the heartache of infertility treatments and the headache of the adoption process. They raised a son together.
Having all of these firsts with David only to lose him felt even more gut-wrenching because she now knew the entirety of what she lost. Being with Daniel back then had given her a glimpse of what love could be like, but being with David allowed her to experience everything it had to offer. The idea of never sharing those moments with him again left her feeling hollow inside and she didn't know to move on.
The sound of Henry's whimpers pulled her from her thoughts and she tilted her head to make sure of what she heard. She stood quickly when he mumbled louder in distress and made her way across the loft to the bed where he tossed and turned. Seeing him upset had always made her so in return, prompting her to sit on the edge of the bed and reach to wake him.
"Henry, Henry wake up-" She put a hand on his shoulders and gently squeezed, not wanting to scare him anymore than the nightmare had already. He seemed to recognize her voice and jolted awake, scrambling to sit up and reach for her as he panted to catch his breath. "It's okay, you're okay-" She said in the same soothing tone she had used so many times before.
"What are you doing here?" He frowned and shook his head as he scrambled to compose himself, pulling back his arms that had initially reached for her. "Where's David?"
The question felt like a dagger to her heart but she forced herself not to seem hurt by it, "He got an emergency call and asked me to come sit with you. He told me you'd been having nightmares..." Henry only gazed back at her with uncertainty and she thought briefly he may accept her comfort, "It's okay-" She reached for his hand but he yelped and jerked it back.
Her first thought was that he had been rejecting her touch but she quickly recognized the pain in his expression and watched him grip his wrist. An angry red blister marred the side of his palm and she ignored her initial reservations to touch him, motherly instinct taking over as she grabbed his wrist to look closer, "Is that a burn?!"
David felt past the point of exhaustion as he let himself into the loft in the early hours of the morning, squinting in the darkness to try to get the right key. He managed to get the door unlocked and stepped inside, being careful not to make noise as he noted only the dim light over the stove was on. He took off his jacket and gun belt to hang them up by the door, glancing over his shoulder briefly to see where Regina was.
He sucked in a quiet breath when he spotted her curled up on the sofa under a throw blanket, prompting him to take a few steps towards the living room area. She looked so peaceful and soft when she slept, the sight of it always filling him with the need to protect her from the world. There was a vulnerability hiding behind her tough exterior and it was easier to spot when she was fast asleep. This was his Regina and he didn't know how to separate her from the person he'd found out she was.
During their marriage he always felt lucky to experience the side of her she reserved for him and Henry. He loved being married to the mayor that intimated most with her intellect and unapologetic boldness because he had seen all of her imperfect human moments. He'd witnessed her stifle tears on Henry's first day of school, had watched her burn pancakes to a crisp, had given her pep talks when she was nervous for big meetings and even watched her throw a tantrum when she couldn't find anything to wear. Knowing who she was with her guard down was like being chosen to be part of a special, well-kept secret and it had made him feel ten feet tall.
David couldn't help but watch her from the end of the sofa, his exhaustion and overwhelming feelings allowing him to ignore how inappropriate it was. He wasn't her husband anymore and gazing at her while she slept could result in a fireball at his head if she woke, but he gave into the nostalgia tugging at his heart and allowed himself to forget reality. He studied her features and the way her body curled, knees drawn towards her chest and hands tucked under her head. She had snuggled up to his back in this very same position countless times during their marriage. When he felt her burrowing into him for warmth he would always roll over and wrap his arms around her small frame to protect her from chilly night air. Even in her sleep she would let out a soft sigh of contentment when she felt him cuddle her body to his and nuzzled her face against his chest in response. God, he missed it.
A sense of longing made his chest tighten and his throat began to ache with unshed tears that he tried to swallow down. All he wanted was to lay down and pull her to him and tell her about the day he had. She always had a way of helping him solve whatever problem he faced and he was drowning now that he no longer had her as his sounding board. What did he do when the one person he wanted to face this nightmare with was the same person who caused it? The person who lied to him for so long. The person he should hate for it.
He sat down gently on the opposite end of the sofa and propped his elbows on his knees, threading his fingers over the back of the neck as he hung his head and tried to relieve the tension there. The thought of her moving on with Daniel had made him sick since he found out and fighting with her had only served to torment him further. She was always in the back of his mind, even when he had an entire town full of problems to solve, and he didn't know what to do with it.
"David?" Regina asked softly, squinting in the dark as she lifted her head to see him sitting with his own head in his hands. He was close enough that if she stretched her legs her feet would touch him and she swallowed thickly at the nearness.
"I'm sorry," He murmured quietly, turning his head to the side as he let his hands fall to hang between his knees. She merely blinked in response, her sleepy and confused expression not allowing him to harden his demeanor towards her in the way he had been for weeks now in order to keep her at arms-length. "I didn't mean to wake you..."
"Is everything okay?" She whispered, slowly pushing herself into a sitting position at his defeated expression. She didn't know when he'd gotten home or how long he'd been sitting there but she knew something was wrong from the moment she'd opened her eyes. He expressed himself so physically and his body language had always been her first give-away to his mood.
"No," He admitted with a heavy sigh and stared down at his hands as he threaded his fingers together, forearms resting on his knees. "George framed Ruby for the murder of Billy to get the town to turn on me."
"What?" Regina's lips parted in surprise and she moved to sit straighter but refrained from running her hand over his shoulders like instinct urged her to. Like she used to . His defenses were down and he was acting so much like her David that she couldn't help but fall back into their old dynamic and want to share his burden. Even if it was only for a moment . "What happened?"
"He planted false evidence...made her think she did it when she transformed at night-" David nodded and kept his gaze on his hands. Dealing with Ruby's emotional turmoil hit him too close to home and he found himself drawing parallels in a way he shouldn't be for his own sanity. "She hated that part of herself because she thought she had hurt another person she loved. I just...I had a feeling though that it wasn't her. I know her...and I kept thinking that even if it had been her that...she couldn't help what she became. That she just needed someone to believe in her so she could control that part of her."
Regina stifled the longing she felt to wrap her arms around him in the way she would've before the curse was broken. To comfort him like she had before when his work affected him emotionally and the day had taken its toll. It didn't help that his empathy for Ruby was exactly what she longed for him to extend to her. "Were you able to prove it was George? Is Ruby all right?" She forced herself to stay on task and not explore his thoughts on Ruby's struggle any further. He would never consider her a flawed human who deserved a second chance and it would only hurt more to hope he could see past the Evil Queen.
"George is in jail now and Ruby is fine. She's...more than fine. All it took was me believing in her," David bit down on his bottom lip as he turned his head to the side to look at her once more. Her dark eyes watched him with such concern and he could tell from her expression that her defenses were as absent as his own. She sat facing him with one leg crossed under her, leaning forward at an angle that hinted her desire to comfort him was equal to his own desire to receive it. "It's just..." He began the sentence but hesitated. If he asked her now, would he get a truthful answer? Would she finally tell him if any part of their marriage was real for her?
"Just?" Regina studied his expression with bated breath, her mind scrambling to make sense of where the conversation would lead.
David locked gazes with her and remained silent as the war waged between his heart and mind. She looked so open and trustworthy and vulnerable. This was the woman he had shared his life with. The woman he fell in love with. Was it possible that she could be both the enemy he knew and the woman he loved? Could it really be that she was a complex, messy mixture of the two? Could she be his Regina again if she had someone who believed in her? He didn't know where to begin or what to ask or if it would do any good at all to know. He choked back the emotion that fought its way to the surface as his gaze dropped to her hands and he failed to articulate anything meaningful, "...it's just been a long day..."
Regina's breath hitched when his hand reached over to cover hers in her lap. His warm grip encompassed her smaller hands easily and his fingers clasped under her palms as he gently rubbed a thumb over her knuckles. She was sure her heart stopped beating momentarily and all she could do was stare as warmth rippled through her at the intimate gesture. "Everything..." She paused and quietly cleared her throat when her voice cracked, "-everything will be alright, David..."
"You think so?" He asked, his own tone was thick with emotion and he searched her eyes desperately for anything to signal this was real.
She gave a slow nod and felt a tear slip down her cheek as she broke eye contact and looked down to where his hand held hers. Her mind and body screamed at her to cave and throw herself in his arms. To beg him to come back to her. To confess how much she truly loved him and admit that their marriage was real to her. "Yes," She replied instead and kept her gaze lowered as she fought for control. Logically she knew that David was exhausted and had no one to turn to. It was easy for him to slip back into this dynamic with her because she was familiar. If Snow were here it would be her he would seek comfort in and she could not let herself fall into this trap.
David felt the sting of rejection as soon as she began to slip her hand from his grip. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overstep...I'm just tired," He muttered as his own hand retreated back in response and he looked away once more.
"I know, but there's something we need to discuss," Regina watched him recoil and forced herself not to reach back out for him. Letting him be kind in his moment of weakness would only lead to him reverting back once he realized what he had done and his harshness would hurt worse. She reminded herself that their son was more important than whatever was happening between them and she knew he'd want to know what happened sooner rather than later.
"What now?" He sighed in defeat.
"Henry had a nightmare, but this time he had a burn when he woke up," Regina watched his head snap up to look at her and she nodded reassuringly, "He's okay. He's fine. I bandaged him up and I...I called Gold for help."
"You did what?!" David whispered, wide eyes searching hers for an explanation. His look of disbelief and distrust in her was already back and she knew then she'd made the right decision to shift the direction of their conversation.
"Gold knows more about this curse than anyone," She explained, disheartened but not surprised at the incredulous stare he gave her. "I was scared...I didn't know what was happening to Henry but I knew from the burn that it wasn't just nightmares anymore. Gold said it's a side effect of the curse...a world in between worlds that people return to once they wake up."
"Dear god," David frowned deeper, panic gripping him at the thought of their son in danger. "What do we do? How do we stop it?" He began to spiral at the news thanks to his exhaustion but Regina held up her hand for him to let her finish.
"Gold gave him a necklace for protection...it will let him control himself in these dreams so that he won't be hurt," She explained further, trying to sound reassuring even though she was just as worried as David was while hearing the news for the first time. "I listened to him for hours after he fell back to sleep tonight and he hasn't had any more incidents."
"And Gold? What is he getting out of helping Henry?" David's expression hardened then and Regina felt her stomach sink. There was a hint of accusation in his eyes that told her he was remembering once more that she was the cause of everything happening to them. "You should've come to me before you involved Gold with our son."
"He said he did this for Henry and that he doesn't expect anything in return," Regina replied quietly and felt the steel walls in place between them once more. "I can assure you that I don't take Henry being in danger lightly and I will make this right," She added, guilt coloring her tone for being the cause of pain to someone she loved. Like always.
"I'll let you know if he has any more nightmares," David replied shortly, avoiding her eye contact as he pressed his mouth against his clasped hands and stared blankly into space.
Regina watched him for a long moment, seeing that his mind was racing and he was already lost in thought. There was no talking to him when he was in a mood like this and she didn't have the right to comfort him even if she could. She untangled herself from the throw blanket and stood from the couch but he still did not glance her way. "Try to get some sleep," She murmured quietly before seeing herself out in heavy silence.