Disclaimer: Plot is mine, but the characters are not.

Author's Note: I'm experimenting with first person POV (and present tense aka characters are encountering the events as the story progresses). Bear with me. Also I might be testing out interchanging POVs: Itachi's is first person POV, and Sasuke's is third. P.S. With the inclusion of the first person, there will be lots of usage of streams of consciousness.

As always, you do not have my permission to use my works in any capacity.

Summary: For him, I can change. Be anyone. Do anything. He is my grace, and I am only alive because of him.

FALLEN

By: Hell Jashin (HJ)

Chapter 1: A Fine Line of Emotional Detachment

It's easy for us to do things for the ones we truly love. We communicate, we compromise, we cherish, and we allow each other grace and understanding. We also sacrifice, we give and take, and we pick our battles. This is the relationship I have with my beloved Otouto. I am a man without morals. They mean nothing to me. I am like the darkness: empty, dull, hollow. But for Sasuke, who fills all the holes in my chest, I become what he needs. Taciturn turns to coaxing and teasing. Callous turns to sensitive and kind. Cynical turns to honest and sweet.

Sasuke is the angel gifted to me by a forgiving god. His existence purges my soul. He loves and he's gentle. He trusts like he breathes. He is so sweet that a smile from him gives me cavities and butterflies. My existence is defined by his presence, so I must protect him from the shadows.

Because without him, I cannot function. Without him, the darkness is all-consuming. It eats and eats away until I have nothing left like the dried, shriveled up intestines of a carcass picked apart by coyotes on a desert road.

For him, I can change. Be anyone. Do anything. He is my grace, and I am only alive because of him.

I hate when my Otouto walks to school alone. He made that request this morning. An unbelievably absurd request if you ask me, but he is at an age where he is growing stubborn and developing his own version of independence, so the word 'no' has been a part of his vocabulary recently. Sasuke is a good boy though, so I often let it go. But that doesn't mean it's not nerve-wracking.

He's young. Only sixteen. But he's a looker. I know a lot of doting parents speak highly of their children, as do siblings, but when I say he's a looker, it's not an opinion. It's a fact. Baby soft cheeks, round and pale; glittering onyx orbs like rare gemstones; and a smile that can persuade you to do anything. He's the image of perfection, molded just for me.

The problem with that is I see the way people look at him. With envy, jealousy, awe, and, most of all, lust. Sick fantasies flashing before their eyes. It's disgusting.

Even so, my Otouto has never had an unfortunate encounter because of his looks or mannerisms, because I keep it that way. From the shadows.

I am twenty-three, much older, much larger, and this is good. Sasuke is still growing, currently at five-eight, but not me. I'm six-foot-two, incredibly tall according to Japan's standards. Here, men are shorter and either too fat or thin. Here, the beauty standard states that being effeminate-looking and clean cut is the way to rouse attention, but I'm not looking to do that. Not really.

The only attention I want to attract is Sasuke's. That, and any onlooker who has even the slightest desire to approach him, because those are the people I want to extinguish, and my size and outward appearance is typically more than enough to do so.

That's why it's good. I have a wide chest and even wider back. When I stand, my quads flex forward and out. They're easily recognizable through my gym gear because they're thick and hard. No matter where you look, muscles ripple along my body from years and years of weight and agility training, and I maintain it all because that's what I need to make Sasuke happy: to keep scum away, to carry him around like a princess, to be his protector and someone he's proud of.

Needless to say, my Otouto is still part of the education system, and I am a member of society. He goes to school all day and comes home and does homework, and I chose a eight-to-four job, so that I can spend Sasuke's non-school hours with him. Plus, if I don't take a lunch break, I can leave in time to pick him up.

"Itachi… is that you?"

With great annoyance, a face appears before my vision and causes me to halt my quiet footsteps. It was the old lady who ran the supermarket a few blocks from our house. I ignore her, but she's itching to make conversation.

"I see you all the time in the mornings nowadays. Walking to work?"

I look over her shoulder hastily, trying to identify a raven head full of spikes, and when I don't, I glare at her. "Move out of the way," I growl.

She frowns and mutters about disrespectful youth, but I'm already steps down the road, running toward the direction of Sasuke's school. But my Otouto is nowhere in sight. Which is odd because the way there follows one straight path, and, had he not made any pit stops, I would still have been able to see him from this distance. But he's not there.

Like I said, fucking nerve-wracking.

Before I get a chance to panic, I hear someone clear their throat behind me in an ahem. An instant swirl around and I'm face-to-face with an angelic presence… with a 'Are you kidding me?' look plastered firmly on his face.

"You want to explain yourself, Aniki?" came the interrogatory tone coupled with an arched brow.

A half smile cracks on my countenance because his tone is so cute, and I shrug indifferently. "Just walking to work, Otouto."

"Your work is in the opposite direction."

Oops. Busted.

"You forgot your bento, so I wanted to bring it to you?" I tried again, this time with more of a joking edge.

Sasuke looks pointedly at me, mostly because we both knew I had absolutely nothing in my hands, and I could not have possibly hidden a bento box in my jeans.

"I wanted to make sure you arrived at school safely."

My dear Otouto rolls his eyes, so fucking precious, and reaches out to tug my sleeve lightly in the direction he was headed. "Let's go," he sighs, defeated but not annoyed at my antics.

I grin this time, falling into step with him. "How'd you know I was behind you?" I ask him.

"Honestly, how blind do I have to be not to know?" he mutters. "I swear, Aniki…. You must have nothing better to do."

"But you said no this morning." He had first refused a ride from me, and then proceeded to decline my desire to walk with him.

"Apparently, that means yes to you," he mutters without any heat. He lets it go, I can tell, because he easily falls into step with me, and he doesn't yell at me about being annoying or stalker-like. He's so easy-going and forgiving, one of the sweetest things about him. We walk side-by-side like a couple enjoying a morning walk together.

I enjoy these moments with Sasuke. Well, to be fair, I enjoy all moments with my Otouto, but these moments of banter and actions laced with care do things to the pit of my stomach. Swirly butterfly things if that makes any sense.

We pass by a poster plastered on a building wall, one which I never took note of because my eyes were always following Sasuke from behind, but this time I am able to pay attention to the words on it.

Full Moon Festival

Friday-Sunday evening

Shinto Shrine Plaza

To be frank, I am only interested in it because it catches Sasuke's attention. I know because my Otouto stops right in front of it and stares as if making it known that he wants to go.

I tilt my head fondly as I watch his little ticks. There's excitement in his gaze, perking up his orbs like rays of sunshine. "Shall we go, Otouto?"

I can see his smile and excitement blatantly now. His face is so bright that, if he were to ask me to reach into my own chest cavity and rip out my beating heart for him then and there, I would say yes immediately. Okay, well, I would have done that anyway, with or without his beautiful smile, but that was just an example of what he means to me.

Then, I see the smile fade as if he thinks he needs to hide it from me because I'd think it was childish of him, something I've noticed lately, but it has never even crossed my mind. Everything about my Otouto is precious. He's a godsend, a person who is equipped with everything to make me feel something.

So I reach out and I dig my fingers underneath his shirt, trailing them along his belly and sides. Sasuke laughs so loudly that his laughter sets me up for a fantastic day. I chuckle along with him as tears begin to form in his eyes and he begs for me to stop with a red face.

Finally, I do and I walk him the rest of the way to school. "Be good," I tell him when we reach the gates.

He sticks his tongue out at me.

Again, my belly flutters obnoxiously.

He is my precious boy, and it is a privilege to have him in my life.

When he disappears among a mass of students, I will myself to leave, but it's difficult. It gets harder every day, and I hate it, but eventually I force myself to return to our house, step into my car, and make my way to work. I arrive with a few minutes to spare as usual.

Work is grueling. Unbelievably slow. I want to smash my head against the concrete for the things I have to deal with here.

The whole lot of them, who surround me, are fucking idiots. Incapable, retarded idiots. They have no brain cells like a goddamn goldfish with the ability to recall one second of its existence before it resets.

It's stupidity on a stick.

Instead of being with my Otouto, I have to pass my time supervising a bunch of miscreants as they continue to prove how worthless they are.

"Cut them some slack, Itachi," Kyuubi, the supervisor for the marketing department, says. He's leaning against my office door, casual as always.

I ignore him and flip through the revisions in the manuscript. It's a nonfiction piece, hardly something I come close to liking, but it was handed down to me by the company. I deal with fiction only, and the words on the page just grate on my nerves.

It's a book written by a renowned psychiatrist, who happens to be a friend of the CEO. Ironically, its contents revolve around borderline sociopathic tendencies in the general population.

It makes me want to laugh.

It's not as if I don't know what's wrong with me. My moral compass is as broken as my fucking brain. My interests are limited to one. Ding ding ding! You guessed it: my Otouto. But I guess I could make the argument that I like the activities that Sasuke likes.

I also have empathy. Lots of it… for Sasuke. My heart hurts when he cries. I feel his pain when he's sad. I recognize the emotions on his face easily, because I've spent my entire lifetime watching him. And I feel absolute love for him. Maybe not the same kind of love he has for me, but I don't blame him because I've never made my intentions known. The empathy I exude when I'm with him is infinite.

So it's not like I'm a blank slate. I wouldn't say I'm impulsive at work either. Simply callous and no nonsense. It's only a means to spend my time when Sasuke is away anyway. It means nothing to me.

"You've been here for a year now, and you haven't spoken more than a paragraph to me in that time," Kyuubi says in amusement. He sips on his cup of coffee and simply lounges there. "Yet, you're always prompt with leaving at a set time and always refuse to grab lunch with me. What's waiting for you at home? Or rather who?"

I'm glaring. I know I am, but fuck, why did he have to go and mention my Otouto?

"Stay out of my business."

Kyuubi's palms raise in apology. "Didn't mean to strike a nerve. My lunch invitation is always open when you feel like it."

And he's gone, and I find myself unclenching my fists and pulling out my phone.

Did you eat all of your lunch?

His reply is instant, and that makes the corners of my eyes crinkle.

You mean from my imaginary bento box?

You know, you're the funniest person alive.

Only you would say that.

Of course. That's because I knew him best. No one could replace me in Sasuke's life. Not now. Not ever.

So did you eat?

Yes, Aniki. Geez.

I smile. I know he's rolling his eyes right about now, but I don't care, because I know he's also smiling. He knows I care for him, so he puts up with my daily texts at this hour.

Good. I'll see you after school, Otouto.

After a few more hours, it's close to the time I leave to pick up Sasuke. I head out to use the bathroom down the hall before I make my way back to grab my bag, but another presence in my office causes me to narrow my eyes.

It's the blonde again.

"Oh, hey! I was just looking for that manuscript you edited a while ago," he chirped, hands under a pile of books on the counter behind my desk.

The invasion of privacy is intolerable. There's nothing back there but old manuscripts and his grimy hands were all over my things.

A sudden vibration on my desk causes my phone screen to light up. Along with it, a picture of my beloved Otouto smiling sweetly at the camera. Immediately, my palm slams so hard over my phone that a loud thud echoes in the room, but it's too late.

I know he saw it because his eyes have a look of wonder in them. A gasp leaves his mouth, and now I'm murderous.

It's a careless mistake. I was getting ready to leave and had left it on my desk as I gathered my things. It's never going to happen again.

"Oh my goodness, what a precious smile."

As if I didn't fucking know that already. But it was my smile, not his.

"Is that your baby brother? He looks so young."

I'm over it. I can't tolerate the buzzing in my ears, and my eyes would soon bleed red if I continue to be in the same room as him. I grab my coat and bag, toss the manuscript at him, and storm out while clutching my phone closely to my side.

It takes forever for me to start the engine because I'm fuming in my car. He had no right to look at something so private, but the fact that he did made me feel ugly. The wallpaper on my phone had been taken a few weeks ago at dinner, when Sasuke thanked me for taking him out.

I felt so warm that night bathing in his smile that I snapped a photo of him when he wasn't looking. He scowled cutely after that and demanded that I delete it, but I refused to, instantly turning it into my background.

When I manage to ebb away the anger, I'm already fucking late. I'm already driving before I realized I should have called or messaged my Otouto, but I had tossed my phone in the back seat out of anger and retrieving it in mid traffic was a horrible idea.

So, by the time I pull up at the gates, I'm met with a glowering Sasuke, who slammed the passenger door harshly after him and stared out the window.

"I'm sorry, Otouto." The apology left my lips instantly.

"You're thirty minutes late." It was the only thing he said to me during the entire car ride.

I glance at him often from my peripheral vision as I drive, but he shows me no signs of looking in my direction, much less talking to me.

Fuck.

When I pull into the driveway, he steps out with his backpack before I even turn off the ignition. He's itching to get away from me, and I feel a hole in my chest.

But I don't blame him. If our roles were reversed and he had insisted that he'd pick me up daily after school and suddenly arrived 30 minutes late without even a text or call, I would have been livid, too. Driven absolutely crazy.

I follow closely behind, nearly smacking into him when he whirls around in our living room and glares spitefully at me with an accusatory finger.

"You forgot about me," he growls. He sounds angry, but his eyes are sad.

My chest hurts. I made him look that way.

"I'm sorry." The apology pours out of my mouth again, pitifully so. "I would never forget about you, Otouto. There was an incident at work."

"You couldn't have taken ten seconds to send me a message?" he says, anger dripping from his voice.

"My phone was in the back seat, and I didn't want to delay my arrival by stopping to grab it."

"Excuses," Sasuke huffs.

I shift nervously, uncomfortably. I hate when he's mad at me. I hate it so much it makes my skin crawl. "Don't hate me," I whisper. I can physically feel the sadness painted on my face, and my heart feels it, too.

Sasuke looks away like he doesn't know what to do with me. I hate it.

"I love you, Otouto. I'm sorry. It won't ever happen again. Forgive me."

Sasuke's nostrils flare as he looks back at me, his lips pursed, as if he's considering my plea. Considering whether to forgive me. And I need it: his forgiveness.

He has only been mad at me a handful of times in our lives and each time was more painful than the last. If he's angry at me, I feel like my lungs are on fire.

I won't lie. I beg him in times like this. I say anything I can to earn his forgiveness, but I never say anything that I don't believe in. I'm honest with my Otouto. I don't like lying to him because it makes me sick.

So to add to his musings about forgiving me, I tug on his hand, which is warm and soft in my hold. "Don't be mad at Aniki," I say. My voice comes sad, dejected, but it's not a ruse. I wouldn't survive a second of him being mad at me. "I'm sorry. I didn't do it intentionally. I love you, Otouto, and it hurts when you're mad at me."

Sasuke finally snorts as if I'm wearing him down. "Stop it, Aniki. I get it. Just don't do it again and it won't be that big of a deal."

My ears and head perk up, and I'm sure I look hopeful. "Am I forgiven, Otouto? Or do you need something else from me?"

Sasuke snickers. "Yeah, yeah. You can give me a hug," he prompts.

"Am I being rewarded?" I ask.

"Hardly. But it looks like you're about to cry or something, and now I feel bad."

He's in my arms before the complete statement is uttered, and I feel warm. My Otouto is a kind soul, and, in my arms, he blesses me with his affection and tenderness.

"I would never forget you," I murmur into his hair.

"You better not."