Chapter 4:

My angel, my soul… my very existence is in my arms. Tonight, I get the privilege to hold Sasuke again, the privilege to feel the warmth and softness of his skin, and the privilege to inhale his sweet scent. I am given the gift of bathing in my Otouto's glowing presence. It's so bright that it deflects some of the pitch black darkness that seeps out of my pores.

I am so jittery I have to force my body to lay still.

Tonight is a good night.

"'niki, your fingers are tickling me," Sasuke utters.

It's so adorable how he abbreviates the terms he uses to address me. It's either ''niki' or ''Tachi'. It makes my heart flutter.

My Otouto wore a large t-shirt to bed, so naturally, it hiked up and was extra roomy beneath, making it incredibly easy to feel his skin. I've been stroking my fingers up and down his midriff, just between the section where the hem of his hiked-up shirt and bare skin meet.

My Otouto is such a sensitive boy that even the slightest sensation makes him twitch. I refuse to stop, though, because it makes me happy to touch my Otouto, to show him how tender and gentle my hands are on his body. I like showing him that I'm a gentle giant, who treats him with the utmost care. So I pretend as though I didn't hear his tiny, cute whisper, and the tempo of my strokes never falters.

"I missed you today," I tell him, nuzzling the head of spikes underneath my chin.

"Mnh," Sasuke responds. "You mean when you were being an ass and I left?"

His words register in my brain, but I'm hyper focused on Otouto's lithe fingers, which had wrapped perpendicularly around my four fingers, minus my thumb, and forced my light stroking to a stop. My angel squirms in my arms like he's uncomfortable.

I hide my frown well and shove it into the deepest crevices of my mind. It bothers me when Sasuke refuses my touch. It burns my heart, damaging it each time, and builds up a fortitude of scar tissue that's impossible to heal.

It simply refuses to do so. I've tried finding ways to heal it so I don't feel like a jar of fireworks, but my quest has led to no avail.

I resist the urge to fight against the hold, but I don't because Otouto moves my fingers to his hip and rests them over it instead. There, I find solace in the warm skin I'm still privy to touch.

I hide my smile and my fingers flex over his hip possessively, and then, they rest there with only a tender stroke here and there. Sasuke sighs, relaxing against my body, and I feel giddy. I want to squeeze him tightly and tell him just how much I love him, how much of a world he has created for me, how he is my world, but I hold my tongue.

Otouto's only sixteen. It's too early. Always too early.

I want my Otouto to enjoy his boyhood longer. I want to see his face light up when he wants to go to a festival, laugh openly without reservation, and smile brightly like the sun's rays during the spring. I want to hang onto his innocence so badly that it makes me flinch when someone even says or does anything remotely suggestive toward him.

It's blasphemous.

I won't have it.

"Tell me about your job, Aniki?" Sasuke mumbles, hands curling into his own chest as he digs his back into my naked chest.

His words break me out of my musings and I stroke his hip. "Mm, tell me what you would like to know, watashi no tamashī, and I will tell you."

My Otouto's recent interest in my job is unsettling. I don't understand the importance of his interest in it. Perhaps, I can chalk it up to his curiosity as a teenager, but there are certain facets of my work that aren't appropriate for underaged boys. Specifically, some of the content I handle in editing should never be presented to my angel's eyes.

"Tell me about what you do?"

"I'm in charge of the Editing Department for the company and manage a team of four editors. Primarily, we handle fiction novels that have already been approved for marketing and turn them into print-ready copies. Occasionally, we will receive some manga, which we need to make layout and grammatical corrections for."

Even before I am done explaining, I hear giggling in my arms, so I look down at the shuddering squirming body against mine.

"You sound so enthusiastic about your job, Aniki," Sasuke teases. He twists around in my direction for a moment, staring up at me with big, jeweled eyes. He pairs his sparkly mirthful gaze with a snort.

I feel my lip twitch. "I'd rather spend all of my time with you, Otouto," I tell him.

"Uh huh. You better watch out. You spend too much time with me, and I'll start to annoy you, Aniki."

"Never."

My angel looks skeptical, but he doesn't argue. I'm not sure how that makes me feel. I slide my hand across his hip to the other end and wrap it around his abdomen, pressing him securely against my solid chest.

"Do you not believe me?" I have to ask. It would have forced itself out of my mouth anyway or driven me insane until I allowed it to be heard.

Sasuke is quiet for a moment. I know he's collecting his thoughts and he's hesitant to say what he's thinking, but it's understandable.

"But Tou-san thought I was annoying," he whispers.

My arm tightens drastically around my angel's waist, and my other, which had been between the pillow and his neck, curls around his shoulders. Sasuke yelps, but like a set of titanium bars, I secure my Otouto in my arms, a growl vibrating off of my chest so loudly that my skin trembles.

"He's a nobody," I say harshly, digging my face into Sasuke's hair. "I am nothing like him, Otouto. I will never do what he's done to you. I will always protect you, and I will die first than ever hurt you. You are my soul, and there is nothing about you that I do not love, so you will never, ever annoy me."

H.J.

Aniki is angry. He's holding onto me so tightly like he's afraid I'll fade away in his arms. I know I shouldn't have talked about Tou-san, but it was in my head and I was anxious. I was anxious and I wanted Aniki to help take it away.

And he does. He does it so effortlessly with his words and actions that my heart warms to a degree I think it'll melt. Aniki makes me feel happy and safe, and I adore him for it. If he loves me like this forever, I can do anything.

"Aniki," I whisper, touched, and curl closer to him. He's so big and warm like a furnace, and it seeps through my shirt in seconds. His warmth is contagious just like the soothing sound of his voice and heartbeat.

"Don't listen to what anyone else tells you. They don't matter. You are my Otouto, and I am your Aniki. I will love you no matter what."

"Okay," I say quietly. I can feel heat rising in my cheeks, and it makes me feel funny. This has happened a couple of times before, but not to this degree. It's weird.

There's a warm breath along my hairline, and I feel the familiar pair of soft lips press firmly onto my temple. My eyes close from the soothing gesture, and I hear Aniki murmur.

"Go to sleep, my sweet Otouto."

It's easy for me to drift off. Incredibly so. Always when I'm in Aniki's arms. He's like a sponge that soaks up all of my worries and stress and discards it in the gutter where they belong. I can feel the arms around me loosen slightly and a hand trail up and down the dip of my side, stroking slowly and gently.

I feel loved.

Aniki makes me feel loved.

When I wake up, there's a soft glow that emits through the curtain, signaling the break of daylight. The bed is empty, but the spot next to me is still warm. With a crinkle of my brow, I sit up and look around, rubbing my eyes in the process.

My brain registers shuffling in the walk-in closet and the drowsiness that befuddles my brain begins to ebb away as my eyes adjust. "Aniki?" I murmur.

I don't get an immediate answer, and it makes me frown because I know that I heard Itachi in there. The covers are instantly off of me and I'm padding toward the closet, but Aniki emerges before I reach it, and I freeze as soon as I see him.

"Aniki…" I say, voice stretched thin between a breath and a squeak. Instantly, I can feel my eyes widen so much that they're depraved of lubrication, drying out rapidly, which forces me to blink multiple times.

Why is he-?

How come-?

What am I-?

I think I'm braindead.

Aniki is looking at me funny.

"Yes,watashi no tamashī?What is it?"

Reality hits hard, pouring a bucket of ice water overhead, and the clock starts ticking again, bringing a huge flush to my face. I find myself stuttering. "Y-you… You're…." I gesture at his body, racking my brain for the words I've forgotten how to say. "Y-you're naked," I squeak.

"Mn. I was going to step into the shower, Otouto. Did you want to go first?"

Of course, he looks completely unaffected, and I'm too stunned to pass this off as a joke. Besides, my behavior has been embarrassing so far and I just can't live it up. I shake my head a little too hard.

My voice is lower than a whisper. "I meant, you're… hard."

"Oh."

The silence ringing in my ears is too much to bear.

Oh? Oh? What does he mean, 'Oh'?

I must have made some kind of strange noise because there's a twinkle in Aniki's eyes.

"Are you having trouble breathing, Otouto? Do I need to administer CPR?" Itachi asks, lips twitching.

Oh my God…. Really? Really?! This was not the time for teasing remarks!

"Don't worry, Otouto. It's normal," Itachi says reassuringly.

My cheeks flare, and my mouth transforms from a fly trap into whatever its opposite is. "I know that!" I say too quickly, prompting Aniki's eyebrow to raise in my direction.

A speck of amusement paints his words. "I'm like this almost every morning. I never intended to hide it. Not now. Not ever. We don't have secrets, so I don't mind." Itachi pauses. "You can look at me, you know, Otouto. Unless you think I'm a freak now."

What does he mean 'look'? I've been looking. It's the only thing I've been doing. I mean, it's hard not to stare at it. My eyes trail up Aniki's sturdy body and I meet his gaze, but I can't even hold it for a second before I avert my eyes.

"What is it, Otouto? Are you scared of Aniki like this?" It comes jokingly, but I see Aniki freeze at his own words as if he hadn't considered the possibility.

But he shouldn't have, because I would never be afraid of Aniki. That just sounded wrong.

Aniki moves. I think he's going to grab something to cover up, but my words stop him.

"N-no. I'm n-not afraid," I tell him. "…You have a lot of muscle, Aniki." I didn't intend to utter that last part. It was just an observation, one my brain chose not to keep to itself.

I can see the gears turn in Itachi's head, and finally, his shoulders ease up and he releases something close to a soft chuckle. "Did you realize that just now?"

"Well… no, but I haven't seen you like that in a long time."

"Mn, that is true."

"You're so…." What's the word I'm looking for? I'm drawing another blank.

"Handsome? Gorgeous? Breathtaking?" Itachi supplies with a smirk as he leans against the door frame.

I can't help, but notice how things move when he does. Or rather, bob.

I swallow hard. "Beautiful," I tell him.

Any amusement that was in his demeanor dissipates, and I'm terrified I've said something unforgivable. But Aniki stops me before I can apologize.

"I'm not the beautiful one, Otouto."

"Hmm?" I murmur, tilting my head in question. His words are so quiet I can't hear them, and it doesn't look like he'll repeat himself. "'niki?"

"Yes, Otouto?"

"You're beautiful," I tell him quietly.

He seems to give in this time and smiles warmly at me. "Thank you."

There are butterflies in my stomach, churning its contents so rapidly that I fear I may get dizzy. I watch, fascinated, as Aniki pushes himself off the door frame and takes a step toward the adjoined bathroom.

"Well, I'll leave you to go back to sleep, Otouto," he says, carding his fingers through his long hair. "If you want, I can wake you up when I'm done so you can-"

"Don't leave me," I breathe, hushed.

Aniki pauses and gives me a look I can't decipher. His obsidian eyes, so similar to mine yet different, smolder and seem to glow like gems from our short distance apart. Itachi remains silent and I remain a blubbering idiot. Perhaps, that's why I said what I did next. Maybe I was curious about the anatomy like all teenagers my age, or maybe I'm just drawn to my Aniki in ways I can't explain.

My hands fist the hem of my t-shirt. After I swallow hard and words begin to filter out of my mouth again, I wish I didn't open it at all.

"It looks.…" My eyes return to the original root of my internal wails. I don't know what word to use to describe it. It's a blushing crimson with a weeping flat, yet round, tip. The head looks wet, shiny almost, and the entire engorged length is twitching every few seconds while it bobs heavily with every little movement. I can't find the right word for it. "It looks…. I don't know…. hungry?"

Aniki makes a weird sound in his throat and my eyes finally flicker away from his length to meet his. His pupils look bigger, darker, and rounder. It almost looks like he's trembling, but that might just be the trick of the lighting. The room is still rather dim since the only available light came through the curtains.

"Does it really look hungry to you, Sasuke?"

I nod slowly, unsure if Aniki was stating a rhetorical question, but he used my name so I feel compelled to answer. My gaze returns to his erection, and I notice it looks bigger now than it was seconds ago.

"Otouto…" Itachi's voice sounds strained, causing my brows to draw together. His palm is covering his face while he sighs, and his head is tilted back, so I can't discern his expression, but he sounds torn. "You look like you want to touch it."

Upon my Aniki's spoken words, my eyes widen as the revelation hits. Is that what that antsy feeling in my bones is? I wanted to reach out and touch him?

I find my chin tilting down, then up, then down again. Before I know it, I'm nodding vehemently and I probably have a stupid delighted look on my face because, when Aniki uncovers his face and eyes me, he sighs again. Deeply so.

"You just won't stop staring at me, will you?" he growls.

But how am I supposed to stop staring when he looks so beautiful?

I don't think he's angry though. He almost sounds like he's more… frustrated or defeated. Then, he sounds conflicted. "Sasuke… I can step into the shower now and you can go back to bed," Aniki begins, but I can already feel myself shaking my head, "…or I can give you a moment to.…" Aniki trails off, but I don't need him to say it to know. "... but Aniki won't touch you."

I gulp, my salivary glands going haywire. Who cares about Aniki touching me? When do I ever get the chance to touch him? "Is that okay, Aniki?" My words come out a little too eagerly, and if he notices, Aniki doesn't say anything.

"Yes. But only for today."

"Okay."

H.J.

Otouto sounds more curiosity-driven than hesitant. In fact, he appears, dare I say, excited about this whole ordeal when it weighs on my soul like a freight train. It's unfair.

I find myself on the bed, back propped against the headboard, while Otouto sits on his knees and shins between my legs.

His first touch burns through my core, and I'll never forget the feeling of suppressing the urge to growl like an alpha in rut and succumb to everything he is capable of giving me. "Otouto," I breathe, and he looks up at me with large eyes. "Are you sure you're comfortable with this? You don't have to touch me. I didn't-"

"My hand doesn't fit around you, Aniki. Is that normal?"

Fuck. How was I supposed to answer that? "Men usually aren't as big as me," I exhale sharply, pressing my hips and glutes into the mattress. If I move, I'll do something stupid.

"Oh." His finger trails up and down the shaft several times before he rubs his index finger into my slit. "Aniki, you're really wet, too. Is it supposed to get this wet?"

Jesus fucking shit. He did not just say that.

"Sometimes," I choke out. My voice sounds funny even to my own ears, but how can I worry about that when my Otouto looks like he wants to eat me?

"You're so smooth and thick. And it feels heavy in my hand. It's different from mine." He leans in and, I swear to the gods, he smells me. Buries his nose into my dark curls and inhales my scent like an alpha does when he digs his face into an omega's pussy juices. I feel the small, hot puffs of his breath along my hip bone, tickling my self-control, and that's it.

I can't breathe.

I can't allow this to go on.

"No more," I say through gritted teeth, pushing my body sideways and away from his face. His hands immediately pull away from me, and my body sobs at the loss. I curse to myself. He looks terrified like he thinks I've gotten angry at him or something. He couldn't be any more wrong.

The dread on my Otouto's face grows as I stand, creating space between us. Dread and panic meld on his face, and I feel my heart grow uncomfortable and painful.

"I'm sorry," he whispers on the brink of tears. Gone is the rabid lust, replaced with my little angel who whimpers apologetically at me.

My baby's voice trembles and he's looking down again like he's done something wrong. But he hasn't. I'm the wrong-doer here. And it would have been much, much worse if I let him continue.

"Otouto," I say, yet I can't go to him, because if I touch him, I'll end up plowing him into the mattress. He's not ready for that. My voice is strained at best, and I have to clear my throat several times to find my bearings. "Don't apologize," I say softly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have tried to do that. I'm sorry, Aniki. Don't hate me." He whimpers pitifully, and actions be damned, my reflexes told me to go to him, hold him, comfort him. But I can't. I don't have that kind of control.

"How could I ever hate you? Aniki just needs a minute to calm down, okay? Let me take a shower first."

"Calm down? Because you're angry?"

"No."

"Is it because I smelled you?" he asks, panicked. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again, Aniki."

I'm astonished. So he knew that was what he'd been doing. "I love you, Otouto. You've done nothing wrong."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He deflates like that isn't a satisfactory answer. "Then, can I have a hug?" he asks, rising to his knees.

His actions subconsciously state that his body knew I'd hug him without argument. Without any form of resistance. And it's right.

Because my body also, without any forethought, moves automatically to wrap itself around him. My beloved digs his face into my neck and I hear a sniffle. It makes my heart sink down to the depths of an abyss filled to the brim with abscesses and rotten trash.

I'm still harder than a boulder and I do my best to angle my hips away from his, but Sasuke only presses harder against me like he needs to treasure this moment.

"I-I'm sorry," he sniffles. His little body is trembling and I tighten my hold around him like a vice. Erection be damned.

"It's okay, my sweet baby. You did nothing wrong," I soothe, stroking his back in calming waves.

"A-are you sure, A-Aniki?" he asks, pulling back to look at me with tear-stained eyes. "You're not… mad?"

The only thing that's mad is my heart, which pounds against my rib cage like a madman. How, for fuck's sake, did I manage to make him feel bad for touching me? That's the opposite of what I want.

"I'm sure, Otouto. I'm not mad. You're allowed to touch Aniki."

Just not like that. Not yet. Not when I'm not prepared for the repercussions. Not when you're so innocent. Not when that incident has happened to you.

What if I scare you away? What if you hate me after? What if you leave me because of it?

"O-okay."

I cup my Otouto's cheeks in my hands and brush my thumbs over the wetness I find there. Then, I proceed to press kiss after kiss along his face, reveling in the trust Sasuke places in me when his eyes slide shut and he allows me the honor of showing my affection.

When I'm done, I press my forehead to his and, naturally, he opens his big, beautiful doe-eyes and smiles shyly at me. Staring at his serene face calms me down. I don't know what I would do if someone were to take him from me… but I don't want to dwell on that. Because it's not going to happen.

I smile back at him and whisper how much I love him.