Authors Note: I don't usually add a note at the beginning of chapters because I don't want to interrupt the flow of the story for readers but I wanted to make sure this wasn't missed. I want to send out a huge thanks to the reviews I've received, they've been very encouraging and motivating, some of the nicest I've ever got! I am also sorry for the longer interval this time around. I really wanted this chapter and the next to go up together. Unfortunately, I experienced an expected but still devastating loss of an elderly cat which has had a bit of an impact on writing as I just needed to take some time in the lead up and afterwards. I'm absolutely still committed to this story and as invested in the outcome as many of you! Thanks again for the support.
Destiny Begins
by Milui Elenath
Chapter Thirteen
The bandits had come from everywhere, clearly lying in wait for the knights of Camelot.
Merlin sprung from his horse, keeping his eyes on Arthur as much as he could whilst keeping a lookout for his own safety. It was a skill he had plenty of chance to develop over the last year during their continuous search for Morgana. Bandit attacks within Camelot's land had increased, incursions by Cendred's army were occurring frequently in villages on the borders and all because Uther refused to see the madness of sending out so many patrols day after day searching for his lost ward instead of ensuring the security of Camelot.
Merlin often wondered if his future self had anticipated this outcome when he'd urged Merlin to send Morgana away. Merlin certainly hadn't anticipated it. He'd expected Uther to give up after a few weeks, accept Morgana's loss or at least move on enough until more word of her came but Uther had not. Merlin was acutely aware of the irony that in helping Morgana leave he'd inadvertently caused Uther to weaken Camelot – the kingdom Merlin was supposed to be protecting for Arthur's sake. He could only hope Uther would come to his senses soon before things got worse.
The bandits that fell upon them now were more examples of the urgency. They were many.
Having dodged a man with an axe and a felled tree Merlin now rolled over to find Arthur engaged in a sword fight, unaware of a second man approaching him from the back. Merlin glanced about, located an abandoned spear and with a glow of his eyes sent it hurtling into the man.
Merlin felt a moments sadness. It was such a waste of life, knights, bandits, villagers all dying over the missing Morgana who was not missing at all. Merlin would really like to get a hold of his other self at times like these and shake him or at least question him. Was this really better than whatever it was that had played out in the alternate timeline? But of course, Merlin's next thoughts were that the future warlock had saved him from murdering the practically innocent Morgana. Merlin could not, would not discount that action. Still, he wondered at the arrogance his future self had demonstrated because if Morgana had died from being poisoned then surely none of this searching for her and weakening of the Kingdom would have occurred. The future would have to be vastly different without any way of his future self predicting it any more than he, himself could. It made Merlin very nervous to consider that the prophecy of Albion might be derailed because of those actions.
Arthur finished dispatching his opponent and turned slowly before focusing solely on Merlin lying on the forest floor. He failed entirely to notice the enemy that had fallen dead behind him, let alone to wonder who had done it. "We're not playing hide and seek, Merlin!" Arthur forged past him to check on his other knights.
Merlin lay there a moment and refrained from doing something as obvious as rolling his eyes but he did mutter dollop head to himself after the prince had passed by.
Getting to his feet Merlin grimly took in the after-battle carnage but almost immediately he, Arthur and the group of surviving knights heard a twig snap. Everyone was on alert as a shadow appeared in the fog.
Merlin tensed. More bandits? Perhaps a second wave? But no, there was something familiar about the shape and the person appeared to be stumbling. Merlin held his breath as the person moved closer, there was some instinct, some knowledge of who it was that came to him a moment before her face was revealed but he could do nothing but stare.
"Morgana," Arthur expressed in shock.
"Ar. . . Arthur?" Morgana stammered, "you've found me at last." She gave a weak smile, seemingly of relief. Her eyes cast about landing at last on Merlin, the smile fell away, her eyes rolled and she slunk to the ground unconscious.
"Quick, fetch my horse," Arthur ordered the nearest knight. "Merlin, help me with her."
Merlin was still standing still, stunned by the weakened and dirty appearance of the lady Morgana, puzzled as to what it all could possibly mean. Where was Morgause? Why was Morgana with bandits? What was she doing back in Camelot's lands?
"Merlin!" Arthur snapped, "don't just stand there we need to get her back to Gaius and my father and there could be more bandits around.
Merlin shook off his stupor and jumped into action.
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Merlin stopped pacing and biting his fingers as Gaius finally returned to the physician's chambers. "Did you talk to her? How is she?"
Gaius put down his bag. "She's sleeping."
"Did she say anything about me?" Merlin asked anxiously.
"No," Gaius answered simply.
"About Morgause?" Merlin persisted.
"No Merlin and I'd be concerned if she did. Morgana has no reason to think you've confided in me about what happened and I think it's better if we keep it that way. It's bad enough she believes you worked with sorcerers to help her escape." Gaius shook his head. "She doesn't know your secret, does she Merlin? Does she know you have magic?" Gaius searched Merlin's face sternly.
"No," Merlin shook his head. "I don't think so."
"You don't think so?"
"I haven't told her. I haven't told anyone."
"Well make sure you don't. If she finds out it will only increase the risk to the two of you."
Merlin nodded, "but what about Morgause? Why wasn't Morgana still with her? Why was she with bandits?"
"Merlin!" Gaius reprimanded exasperatedly, "I don't know any more than you do. You'll have to wait and see whether Morgana will tell you."
Merlin nodded. There was little else he could do but wait until the morrow.
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"Merlin," Gaius' voice broke into Merlin's sleep.
Merlin blinked hard until both eyes came into focus. "What is it?"
"I've just seen Morgana."
Merlin sat upright. "And?"
"She's improved but I told her I'd like her to keep taking a strength tonic for a few more days. She kindly suggested that I send you up with it to save myself the trouble. I rather suspect it was a ploy to speak with you privately. Arthur was with her when I left."
Merlin took to his feet. At last, maybe some answers.
He didn't bother with breakfast but he did for some reason find himself fussing with his hair and clothing. He was heading out when Gaius called him back to give him the tonic that he was supposed to be delivering. At the threshold Merlin halted as Gaius called out again.
"And Merlin," Gaius cautioned, "remember what I said last night."
Merlin paused, remembering Gaius' concerns about revealing his magic to Morgana. He nodded his acknowledgement.
Merlin took a deep breath as he headed towards Morgana's chambers and needed a few more by the time he'd climbed the stairs. Once at the door, he could see that Arthur was still with her and hear her that she was talking about the bandits. His future self had assured him that Morgana would be safe with Morgause but this seemed to be yet another proof that his counterpart was wrong or that he wasn't to be trusted at all.
Arthur rose and was passing Merlin as Morgana called out. "Merlin, you have Gaius' tonic?"
"Yes my lady," he said.
"Would you put it on that table and could you remind me how much and how often."
Merlin followed the directions, wondering if Gaius had been correct in his suspicion. Was this a ruse to allow them time to speak about what had happened or wasn't it? Morgana had been entirely formal, no hint of subterfuge but it didn't matter because Merlin had made up his mind to speak candidly . . . well as candidly as he could without revealing his magic.
As he placed the tonic his ears strained for sounds beyond, Arthur's footsteps seemed to be receding and after one final reposition of the strength tonic, Merlin glanced at the door to be sure. Arthur appeared to have gone.
Merlin had intended to get straight to it and ask Morgana as quickly and directly the many questions he'd been pondering but as he turned his head, he found his gaze locked with the dark-haired maiden and a strange thing happened; he found himself unable to find the words to begin.
Her mouth parted as if she were going to say something then closed. Neither of them seemed able to break the silence as they remained staring at one another. Merlin took in her appearance, she was pale but otherwise little changed. She seemed to be considering something.
"It's good to see you, Merlin," Morgana finally broke the silence and her eyes suddenly seemed to be brimming with tears. "Good to see all of Camelot," she added with a weak smile.
Merlin knew that she'd previously felt smothered by Camelot or by Uther at least and he concluded that she must have been through something awful to feel differently. It would explain her sudden tears.
"It was difficult to hear what happened with the dragon," she whispered, her voice took on a slight eldritch tone. "I dreamt about it you know – before it happened. I saw images, faces I did not know. You and Arthur and then when I heard it was actually happening . . . well I wanted to come back but Morgause told me bluntly there was nothing I could do. She was right but I was glad when I heard all was well again."
Merlin was disturbed to hear Morgana still dreamt of the future, the visions he'd had in the crystal of the same event had been more than enough experience to know how awful it was to see such terrible things and feel so powerless and worse still when those things happened anyway. He was also a bit alarmed to know that she'd seen visions of him and Arthur. He wondered what exactly her visions had shown her, were they the same as what he had seen? Had she any inkling of what had really happened? Of his powers? Of Balinor? He could not exactly ask her without provoking her curiosity but surely she would mention it if she knew. Besides, there were other things he wanted to know that he could ask about. He found his voice at last. "You mention Morgause but how was it you were found with bandits?" Merlin found his voice becoming gentle and drawing nearer to her as he took in her drawn appearance. Thoughts of her in the clutches of the bandits horrified him. What had she been through?
"Oh, it's not so terrible as you think," Morgana pushed a stray tear away, "it was my idea to be taken by them."
"What?" Merlin said stunned.
Morgana gave a self-deprecating shrug. "I had to get back to Camelot somehow and I couldn't exactly stroll into the throne room after all this time."
"But why? Why come back at all?" He asked. He had thought she would stay away until Uther was no longer king. She had to know it was not safe.
Merlin noticed her take in a small breath before her face became set. "Because I couldn't stand by while Uther sent so many men to die looking for me! Rumours are spreading that he's losing his mind and Camelot is looking weak. For Arthur's sake, for the people's sake, I returned."
That made sense but Merlin wondered why she was suddenly angry. He knew that she often felt provoked by Uther but this seemed aimed at him. What had he said? He'd only asked her why she'd come back. She was looking away from him now, seeming to draw back. Could it be that she was hurt? Merlin supposed his words could be misinterpreted, they could be taken to imply she was not welcome back in Camelot and he knew that was something Morgana was sensitive about. He hurried to clarify his position. "I just meant, isn't it too dangerous for you to be here?"
Morgana remained stiff but her eyes seemed to soften, she shook her head. "Not overly. Less than before. I have been with Morgause the past year . . ." she trailed, suddenly hesitant. "I can trust you Merlin, can't I? I know you've helped me in the past before, more than once but I don't want to put you in a position in telling you things if you would rather I didn't."
Merlin could see the caution in her face. He was glad of it, she needed to be careful but he also related to the uncertainty, he rushed to reassure her. "You can trust me Morgana."
"You still think magic can be a force for good?" She asked, "You said that once you know, I never forgot."
He smiled, remembering. "I still think that," he said earnestly.
Some of the worry went out of her face. She leaned forward in the bed and lowered her voice. Merlin sat at the foot of the bed and listened.
"Morgause taught me how to control my magic. I have no need to fear exposing myself unintentionally. And you were right Merlin, it can be a force for good. I always thought, feared, that it would corrupt me but it's not like that. I can't tell you what a relief it is Merlin to have control or the exhilaration," she smiled broadly, "to be able to do something with this feeling, this instinct that I'd repressed for so long."
Merlin returned her smile, "like suddenly being able to run after a long illness or bursting into song on a summer's day." That's how he felt when he had an opportunity to just be free to do things with magic.
Morgana looked surprised, "that's it exactly. How did you know Merlin?"
Merlin scratched at his head awkwardly, "just that's what I imagine it would be like."
She nodded slowly, her gaze appraising him. Merlin hurried to direct her attention elsewhere, "and the bandits. Were they in on it?" Merlin was appalled as he remembered the ambush of the patrol and the killing that had occurred. Had Morgana considered their deaths at all?
"No," Morgana said softly, "the bandits weren't in on it. I allowed myself to be taken a week ago. Morgause and I learnt where the bandits had camped. Once I was captured Morgause intended to lead a Camelot patrol to my position. We thought they'd overthrow them easily. Unfortunately, it didn't go as planned."
"Morgause went along with this? She let you get captured by bandits?" Merlin was angry, it seemed Morgause was not to be trusted after all.
"Morgause would never let anything happen to me Merlin," Morgana informed him firmly, "besides I'm quite capable of looking after myself. I was the one who had to convince her it was the best way for me to return. I just wish it hadn't come at such a price. . . that first patrol," Morgana dropped her voice. "It was just terrible. Morgause did what she could to limit the deaths and she was willing to come get me but it was too dangerous even for her. She's very powerful." Morgana seemed proud. "But we had underestimated the bandits, it wasn't until the second patrol with you and Arthur that they were overcome."
Merlin felt only slightly mollified. The patrols and the bandits had many such scuffles Morgana's presence had likely not altered that but Merlin now found another horrible thought stealing into his head. His mouth was dry, he wasn't sure he wanted to ask but the question couldn't remain unsaid. "Did they mistreat you?"
She shook her head, "only so much in the lack of food and too much work. You understand they had no idea who I was. Morgause had given me a charm that altered my appearance drastically. I told them I was a servant in Camelot, a run away. They were suspicious of course but they were more focused on their bounty and other matters and rather too glad to have someone to order about."
Merlin gritted his teeth. He could well imagine how such louts would treat a prisoner servant.
Morgana bit her lip. "I'm afraid I've had to lie to Arthur about it," she confessed. "I told him I escaped Morgause within days only to end up captured by bandits and," her tone became sorrowful, "I'm likely to have to keep lying about certain things. You don't think badly of me for that do you, Merlin?"
"No, milady." He understood perfectly.
She didn't seem quite convinced that he meant it. "I suppose I wanted to tell you the truth, after what you've done for me." She shrugged and her eyes darted from him and back again as if avoiding some revelation. "I had to confide in someone."
Merlin smiled warmly, "I'm glad it was me."
Her smile widened, dazzling eyes rested on his and he felt suddenly unnerved though he didn't know why. He took to his feet. "I better go."
"Of course," she said sedately, "thank you, Merlin."
He went to the door, stopped just short of it and engaging her eyes once more felt urged to speak. "It's good to have you back." The smile that returned to her face satisfied him that all was well. This was turning into a great day and he was certain that her return boded well for Camelot.
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Morgana shifted slightly in her bed, watching as Gwen moved about the room.
"Is this the tonic Gaius wanted you to take?" Gwen asked.
"Yes it is," Morgana answered, "Merlin brought it up for him." Morgana didn't know why she'd told Gwen that.
"That was kind of him," Gwen said conversationally fussing with flowers in a vase next to it.
"Yes," Morgana agreed. Merlin was kind, she'd remembered the concern in his voice when he asked her about the bandits. The gentle look in his eyes. It only reinforced that her feelings for him had not changed with time. It was ridiculous of course, a lady of the court becoming deeply enamoured with a servant but she had, she still was. His parting remark came back to her. He was glad to have her back. She felt the blood rushing to her cheeks again as it had the first time.
Gwen glanced over at her and a worried expression came over her. "You look flushed Morgana," Gwen said coming to her side. "Are you hot? Do you need water? Have you a fever? Should I fetch Gaius?" Gwen placed a hand on her forehead and scrutinised Morgana's face.
Morgana batted her maid's hand away gently with a small laugh. "I'm fine Gwen, I don't have a fever, it's just . . ." Morgana decided to mix some truth in with her lie. "To tell the truth, I was remembering Merlin caught me rather off guard coming with the tonic so early. I was embarrassed to still be in my nightgown."
"Oh," Gwen gave a disapproving frown that Morgana assumed was aimed at Merlin.
"It was silly of me," Morgana added, "Merlin was completely oblivious of course."
"Of course," agreed Gwen with a rather knowing smile.
Morgana repressed a frown. That's right Gwen would know something about that, she'd had a thing for Merlin in the past. Had that been rekindled?
Gwen moved to straighten the sheets. "Merlin should have knocked. I know Arthur complains about him forgetting."
Gwen looked suddenly as if she'd said too much.
Morgana wondered why. Perhaps Merlin had confided in her about Arthur's habits and complaints. Maybe they had grown closer in the past year. Morgana suddenly felt the urge to probe the matter. "It must have been difficult this last year Gwen. Were you able to find work in the castle after my disappearance?"
"Yes," Gwen said simply, "I kept your quarters in order of course and I had some general duties and I did seamstress work. I was very fortunate."
"You're not fortunate Gwen, you're hard working and diligent," Morgana said sincerely.
"Well I had help," Gwen deflected but her voice broke off at the end.
Morgana waited.
"From Arthur and Merlin of course."
"I see," Morgana said. She had heard the hitch in Gwen's voice, the hesitation, Gwen seemed to be embarrassed about the assistance given to her. Morgana didn't know what to conclude from that. If Gwen and Merlin had gotten close it was nothing to be secretive about . . . unless Gwen was aware that Morgana had feelings for Merlin. There was no way she could, was there?
"It wasn't the same without you here," Gwen said unaffectedly.
Morgana smiled back thinly. She wondered if Gwen would feel still feel so warmly towards her if she knew how she felt about Merlin. Or if Gwen learnt where she'd really been for the last year and what she'd been doing. . . not to mention what she was about to do.
Morgana looked away from Gwen, she couldn't help but acknowledge that Gwen's loyalty was unknown to her – Gwen was ever dutiful to her mistress but was that because she was paid or was it out of genuine friendship? Morgana found she did not want to ponder it too deeply right now.
It was not the time in any case, she had to put aside her personal thoughts of Gwen and Merlin and things that might be and things that could never be and focus instead on what was to come, on the plan she must put into action. Her future hinged on it. "I must dress Gwen. I must meet with the king."
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Morgana smiled to herself as she left the king's presence and folded the damp handkerchief carefully. The tears of Uther Pendragon were a precious commodity. She knew her performance had been perfect and that what she was doing could only be of benefit to her kind. It helped her to continue smiling benignly as she passed by the guards, inwardly remembering how they'd once thrown her in the dungeon at Uther's bequest. She could not forget that their loyalty was to Uther and Uther alone. Chivalry was forgotten in the blink of an eye when you were considered the kings enemy. Morgana had always known she was safe only as long as she remained Uther's beloved ward and that was why this plan was so perfect. She would be in no danger ever again. Not from Uther.
She did feel mildly troubled by Uther's warm welcome and obvious emotion at seeing her. Her heart was not cold enough to Uther as she wished. She reminded herself that he'd fooled her before and then gone straight back to his murdering, tyrannical ways. He had murdered peaceful druids, killed loyal townfolk suspected of magic and indiscriminately slaughtered friend with foe. He would murder her sister in a heartbeat.
It had not been a shock to find out Morgause was her mother's daughter from her first marriage. Morgana had always felt a connection. It was such a comfort to know she had someone out there who cared about her, whose affection did not change as Uther's fickle nature did.
Morgana reached her chambers and found Gwen chuckling to herself.
"What is it Gwen," Morgana sat down on the bed suddenly quite exhausted, "I could do with a joke or some juicy gossip."
"No, it's nothing like that. It's Merlin," Gwen had a twinkle in her eye.
"Oh," Morgana said defeatedly, it was looking more and more like the two servants' relationship had progressed and was reciprocal. Morgana realised that Gwen had probably had the opportunity to speak with Merlin while she was playing the doting ward with Uther. Gwen was likely reminiscing about some lover's joke or compliment she'd shared with Merlin.
"He was soaking wet," Gwen explained oblivious to Morgana's mood. "It seems Arthur poured a bucket of water over him."
Morgana blinked a moment at the confession and then again at the outrageousness of such an action. "Whatever for?" Morgana said puzzled as to why this was amusing.
"Something about mopping the floor. Just horseplay I imagine."
"Horseplay?" Morgana repeated dubiously. She knew Arthur well enough to know that his kind of horseplay only went one way, in his favour.
"I shouldn't laugh really," Gwen continued, "poor Merlin did look put out. It's just that he did this kind of slide on his wet feet as he attempted to stomp down the corridor."
Morgana, frankly, was shocked at Gwen's indifference to Merlin's feelings and Arthur's appalling behaviour. "It doesn't upset you?"
"What milady?" Gwen raised her brows and seemed to need clarification.
"Merlin being treated like that?" Morgana said bluntly.
"Why should it? I'm sure Arthur had his reasons, those two always have something going on."
Did they? Morgana didn't know that, perhaps this was some kind of masculine banter. "I suppose you would know," Morgana relented.
Gwen suddenly looked nervous, "what do you mean by that?" Gwen's tone was almost sharp.
Morgana bristled slightly at it and tried not to be snobbish in thinking it insolent. "I just meant that I haven't been here for the last year and I'm sure you're more aware of how things are between them."
"Oh, well, you know just from what I hear Merlin say now and again," Gwen replied, off-handedly.
Morgana fell silent, she could hardly pry further and Gwen was treating this all very lightly, so Morgana could only presume she was right to do so. Morgana watched as Gwen tidied the room, giving account of some of the court news that had reached the servants. Finally, Gwen got the idea that her mistress was tired.
Morgana lay back against the pillows forcing her thoughts to slow, she must rest because she would need her strength tonight, there were more tasks ahead of her if the plan against Uther was to succeed.
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Merlin shifted on his cot. He'd woken feeling as if he'd heard a distant scream but there was no terror in it and by the time he'd sat fully upright he began to wonder if he'd dreamt it. A strange scream, not human, he thought. Which was silly because it hadn't been an animal. He lay back and closed his eyes. The next few days were going to be busy. Uther had planned a feast, Arthur was determined to put the knights through more training having found them lacking during battles with the bandits. Merlin agreed there, even Arthur had gotten sloppy. He should not have been able to be snuck up on. Good thing Merlin had been there, not that Arthur knew or would ever acknowledge it.
Merlin frowned at his mood. He'd been so cheerful this morning after talking with Morgana and seeing her back safely in the kingdom. It had felt like things were looking up and then Arthur had dumped a bucket of water on his head. Normally Merlin would have shrugged it off but Arthur had thrown water at him once before . . . when Freya had been hiding in the tunnels below. The memory of her death had come stingingly back. The tragedy of Freya's life and death sat heavily with him still as did Balinor's. Sometimes it felt wrong that he should still find happiness and meaning in his life when theirs had been so tragic and he could not forget he had come close to adding Morgana to that list of tragedies. The past year had not brought many moments to smile at, even though Merlin was by nature cheerful but these dark feelings seemed to have come about with the realisation that things hadn't really changed. Arthur was still throwing buckets of water, magic was still outlawed, Freya and Balinor were still dead and Merlin was by no means certain that the next crisis he faced would not have a similarly tragic outcome for someone he loved. He'd had these thoughts before but for some reason, they felt more intense this evening. He turned on his bed, trying to shake the morose, unsettled, anguished emotions that kept sleep just beyond him.
Eventually, Merlin must have fallen asleep because he found his eyes blinking hard at the sound of Gaius calling his name from the other room.
"You're going to be late if you don't get up soon and your breakfast is getting cold."
Merlin dragged himself out of bed and pulled on his clothes.
"You must have slept soundly," Gaius noted as Merlin appeared.
"Not really," Merlin didn't want to talk about it. He stirred his porridge dispiritedly before forcing a spoonful into his mouth.
"Is everything all right?"
"Just a bad night," Merlin shrugged. "It's nothing."
Gaius thankfully let the matter drop and Merlin turned his focus towards Arthur's training. Destiny was what mattered now, he'd made that decision after Balinor's death and he was going to do everything he could to ensure Arthur succeeded and Albion came about. He finished his breakfast and walked purposefully to the armoury.
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Merlin felt a certain amount of satisfaction in seeing Arthur face down in the mud after having taken a mace to the stomach . . . protected by gambeson and chainmail naturally. It was true that Arthur wouldn't be there if Merlin hadn't magically torn the sword from his grip but Merlin was not feeling the least bit guilty. Arthur had been mocking him to the knights but that had not been Merlin's sole reason for doing it – though he'd be lying if such teasing hadn't prompted the thought and that it wasn't amusing to see the prince get his comeuppance but it was more to do with the fact that Arthur just wasn't listening when it came to fighting practice. Merlin had tried to tell Arthur that he was getting careless and overconfident but Arthur was dismissive. Merlin could not forget the near miss during Morgana's rescue and he knew that Arthur had better in him, he'd seen it.
"Sire," Merlin ran over to help Arthur up and attempted to keep his amusement in check as the mud dripped from Arthur's eyebrows.
"I'm fine," Arthur said in a vain attempt to look dignified, "good work Brastius, that was a masterful stroke. I want to see more of it with the bandits next time we run into them."
"Would you like me to fetch the sword you dropped sire?" Merlin pointed out mercilessly.
"No. Merlin. I'll fetch that, you can fetch the shield for target practice."
Merlin's face fell. He didn't need to ask what target that was perfectly clear.
.
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Merlin's day didn't improve much even though Arthur ended training early. Merlin quickly discovered that the mace had done serious damage to Arthur's chain mail so he'd had to carry it down to the smith for repair but not before running a bath for the muddy Arthur, then running down to launder his equally muddy clothes, then preparing Arthur's feast clothes for the evening (that were done yesterday but had been ruined by some sort of furniture grease in the wardrobe) then preparing his lunch, fetching his quill and ink that the prince had left in the great hall. Taking a message to Sir Tomed in the far east wing about tomorrow's training returning to Arthur then taking another message to Sir Tomed that Arthur had forgotten to add the first time and collecting the repaired chainmail only to have Arthur query him as to why Merlin hadn't made himself presentable for the impending feast!
Merlin had merely pursed his lips before leaving Arthur's and scuttling down to his room to do what he could in the five minutes before he was expected back.
"Merlin, what on earth?" Gaius exclaimed as he entered, "you've got mud all through your hair – that is mud isn't it?"
"Yes, mud," Merlin asserted grumpily remembering several times when it was worse things.
"Shouldn't you be dressed? Aren't you supposed to be serving Arthur at the feast?"
"When does everyone think I'm supposed to have had time to get ready? Arthur's had me running chores for him all day, I haven't had time to eat let alone bathe and dress."
"Well you haven't got time to complain about it either," Gaius pointed out, "best hurry. I'll wait."
"No Gaius," Merlin said wearily, "you go. I won't be long."
Gaius nodded and headed for the door as he reached it he paused and looked back. "You're not going to be doing anything you shouldn't be doing are you, Merlin?"
"Who me?" Merlin shrugged with a grin. "Arthur expects me to be presentable, I can't let him down."
Gaius shook his head wryly with a slight smile.
As soon as Gaius closed the door Merlin went to fetch the pitcher and basin. He pulled off his shirt and warmed the water with a quick spell. He washed his face first then poured the rest over his hair. He entered his small room and the rudimentary looking-glass revealed the rather unflattering way his hair stuck to his forehead. Merlin said a spell that provided a slight wind that ruffled his wet locks while another was uttered that brought forth a comb that moved over his head removing the last bits of dried dirt, his only other set of clothes came from the floor and laid themselves on the bed, the wrinkles removed themselves and any traces of horse manure, sweat or stains evaporated. In short order, Merlin was dressed and about as fresh as any servant had business being.
Merlin made his way to the feast and entered finding the beginnings of such an occasion. Arthur was waiting for him, other members of the court were crowding about chatting, finding their places at the table. Finally, Uther was announced, entered and greeted the crowd but did not take his place. He was naturally awaiting the arrival of the guest of honour.
Merlin fidgeted, everyone's spirits were high and that pleased him and yet his mood would not lift. Somehow among the cheer, among the crowded room, he felt lonelier than ever. He was an observer, not a participant. He was set apart because of his gifts, the secret he bore and the destiny he carried, it seemed so very heavy. His obligations would always make it so, he comprehended, he would always be an outsider even if magic were accepted.
"The lady Morgana," announced the herald.
Everyone turned expectantly, Merlin's gaze as much as the rest.
The doors opened and Morgana was revealed, a vision in white that reminded Merlin of moonlight against her midnight hair. It was the sort of contrast that suited her, that complex nature that made her vulnerable and strong at the same time. She was removed from Merlin's view as Uther stepped towards her and escorted her through the room.
Merlin discovered he was staring, smiling at the way others responded to her presence, she filled the room with warmth. Camelot had been cold without her, he realised. Uther was a different man than he had been a week ago, all genial and benevolent, Arthur looked finally free of the guilt that had plagued him this past year, Gwen was beaming. Gaius was contentedly chatting with Geoffrey. Perhaps the weight of his destiny was worth it if Albion were to be filled with moments like this. Everyone he cared about was doing well. His eyes sought Morgana again. A smile was still on her lips, her words spoke of joyful reunions and gratitude, welcome was all around her but her eyes . . . her eyes were dissatisfied and distant seeking something more than this pretence.
It shocked Merlin to realise she thought herself no more a participant in this celebration than he did. It was a role she played, something happening to her, around her, nothing more. She stood apart from it, as he did. Her secrets and destiny held her hostage too. He was still watching her when she lifted her gaze to his, their eyes locked. Merlin had intended to look away but those searching eyes of hers seemed suddenly pleading, as if she had found something she sought or something that she needed. Instinct was about to take over, Merlin was sure that he was either about to run or possibly offer some sort of foolish, unspoken promise of unknown sort but Arthur suddenly nudged him. His gaze shifted.
"Merlin, wine?" Arthur lifted his cup and shook it slightly.
"Yes sire," Merlin bowed slightly. He hurried to the jug, the tension of the moment broken and relief surging through his veins. Merlin continued to busy himself with duties, forced himself to be fascinated by the table gossip and even managed to summon some enthusiasm for the speeches – anything really to stop himself from accidentally meeting the disconcerting eyes of Morgana.
It would be best if he did not see such a thing a second time – not that he knew what he'd seen, or been sure he'd seen it or felt and he certainly didn't want to analyse it. He could feel himself panicking and he didn't know why. He was trying very hard not to come to some sort of conclusion when shouting came from outside in the square. It sounded like a man crying out in terror.
The next moments were muddled, confused and rushed. Merlin had followed Arthur and somehow they were in the corridor being confronted with the news that the terrified man was Uther who had apparently become unwell. All thoughts of the rest of the evening were forgotten as Merlin focused on calming Arthur and helping Gaius.
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Morgana drifted to the window of her chamber and opened it, feeling desperate for some fresh air. The feast given in honour of her return was over and Uther lay shivering and babbling in his bed – the bed which had beneath it an enchanted mandrake root. Some thought he'd had too much to drink, Gaius feared it was exhaustion. Arthur looked stricken and Merlin . . . distracted.
She had done what needed to be done, she told herself, it would be for the best in the long run. She had met with Morgause last night, given her Uther's tears and placed the enchanted mandrake root under his bed, now she had only to keep her nerve and wait for it to do its job.
Only it wasn't as simple as that was it? She had to continue to play the dutiful ward to a man she despised. Yes despised! Despite the pretty words he'd put on show tonight. He'd given such praise and pledges to many over the years before turning on them in a moment of suspicion. . . as he had done to Gaius with the witchfinder, as he surely would have done to her should he discover her gifts and Morgana could not forget he had done it to Gorlois. Morgana had learned that Uther had suspected her father of planning treason against him, that he had orchestrated or allowed Gorlois death. Only after the fact had Uther discovered Gorlois innocence. Morgause had told her of this and Morgana had no difficulty believing it. She had always known that Uther had failed Gorlois in some fashion. She'd been old enough to remember the rumours and snatches of conversation in the days before and after. It aligned all too well and Uther's remorse, if he had any, was assuaged by taking in herself, Gorlois poor orphaned daughter.
There was no difficulty in watching Uther Pendragon pay for his sins but, she sighed, there was much in seeing Arthur's reaction and lying directly to those around her. She wasn't sure she could do it. The chill breeze blew against her face and she continued to watch the night sky. The sounds of servants clearing the feast had dimmed and soon it would be time to venture to Morgause again. She would not be pleased to hear Morgana was having misgivings. Morgana determined there was no need to burden her with it.
Morgana prepared herself against the cold night and scratching brambles with a thick red cloak and dress. She ventured out, checking the corridors carefully, stretching her magic senses as Morgause had taught her. She exited the walls of Camelot, followed the paths of the Kings wood until she reached the planned spot.
"Sister," Morgause stepped from the shadows.
Morgana clasped the outstretched hand. "Morgause, it is good to see you."
"How went the feast?
"Much as you would expect," Morgana said plainly.
"And Uther?" Morgause inquired, "has he shown any signs of the effects?"
"Oh yes," Morgana smiled darkly, "he was found gibbering about Ygraine, claiming she was down the well."
Morgause was silent, taking a moment of quiet reflection.
Morgana forgot that she had known Arthur's mother and that it must have sparked some grief, she continued hurriedly. "Already the rumours are spreading."
Morgause smiled at that, "The mandrake's poison does its work well."
"Soon all of Camelot will believe that their king is going mad," Morgana agreed.
"And a kingdom without a king," Morgause said, "is ripe for the picking."
"When do you go to Cenred?" Morgana asked.
"Tomorrow."
"And he will do as we wish?
Mogause's smile broadened, "Cenred wishes only to please me."
"Then your time with him has been well spent," Morgana agreed.
"But now let us make a fresh mandrake," Morgause urged, "we can not let it lose its hold on him."
They did not waste time and soon their time together was at an end.
Morgana crept back to the castle feeling better for having seen Morgause but still with niggling doubts. Her friends would never understand what she was doing and Arthur – Arthur would hate her for it. If it weren't for the doubts she might have been preoccupied with visions of a future without Uther as King. Perhaps she may even have felt smug with such a fantastical accomplishment but her unease seemed to have sharpened her senses. She was more alert, more cautious and it was just as well for she had been just about to step out when she heard a guard approaching. She stepped back into the shadows just as the mandrake root began to leak from its wrappings. The guard did not notice the sound or if he did took it for something quite natural in the surroundings. He continued on his way. Morgana rearranged the root in its cloth and uttered a short, simple spell to clean the mud.
She hurried on to Uther's room and exchanged the old mandrake for the fresh one. She need not worry too much about disposing of the old one, Morgause had told her that devoid of its magic it would soon decompose to nothing. It was already a shrivelled thing, in another hour it would be gone. They had almost left it too long to change over.
Morgana returned to her room and had no sooner let out a sigh than Gwen called her name. Morgana glanced at her muddied cloak and threw it behind the bed. It was just in time. Gwen entered without being asked and proceeded to offer her assistance. Morgana felt irked, not just because of the possibility of Gwen discovering the cloak, although that was foremost but because she had spent the past year preparing herself for bed. She had enjoyed her autonomy and the privacy. The attentions of Gwen, though well-meaning, felt smothering suddenly. Morgana dismissed Gwen firmly.
Once she was certain Gwen was gone, Morgana picked up her cloak. "Fordwin wamm," she whispered. Once it was cleaned, she placed it back in its place. Morgana knew she should not have been so sharp with Gwen and yet there was something about Gwen that bothered her, something was different about how Gwen behaved, something hidden. Morgana shook her head at such thoughts, they were both different, Morgana supposed, after a year apart doing their own things and perhaps this was only a natural adjustment. Things would be back to normal between them with time. Morgana was sure.
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