Follow the Sun, Excerpts in Time
Installment 2
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"Sasuke, no!" Sakura begged, her voice breaking in her throat and her eyes blurring painfully with her tears. "Please!" She was keeping pace with him along the moonlit street, though he didn't seem inclined to stop. "Sasuke!" she called out again, reaching out for his sleeve to force him to hear her. Her fingers had barely touched the fabric before he flinched away from her, the anger behind the quick movement causing her to recoil as well.
Those dark onyx eyes turned to her then, those mysterious depths she'd fallen so hard for. Those same eyes she'd dreamt of since childhood, God…was she loosing this for good?
She pushed passed the lump in her throat, passed the way that quietly burning fire in his eyes made her want to shrink back. "You don't have to do this," she urged him, a hand wiping a defiant tear from her cheek.
Her heart raced painfully in her chest, just as it had been ever since she spied him wandering the streets at this hour, with his field bag packed and ready to go. She'd nearly choked on her gasp of shock, her feet sprinting out from under her before she could even think. She knew he had heard her approach, she'd been calling to him after all, but he didn't break stride or even turn to her. He only continued on towards the outer limits of the city, to the great wall that protected this place and, she was sure, to somewhere far beyond that.
"Yes, I do, Sakura," he answered simply, the deep and even chill of his voice sending a shiver down her back. "I have to."
She shook her head, unable to understand his words, refusing to hear them. "It's crazy, it's suicide on your own," she muttered through trembling lips as she pursued him.
Sasuke paused, looking over at her in a strange sort of way, something so segregated and analytical that didn't feel at all right after all the time they'd known each other. "What would you have me do? Let him get away with it?"
"Forgive him!" Sakura exclaimed. "Grieve and move on! Don't waste your life chasing something that keeps you depressed!"
He scoffed, turning his back on her again and waving a dismissing hand her way. "You don't understand. He didn't slaughter your family…didn't murder your parents."
"Sasuke, please, you don't deserve this," she tried, reaching out a hand again, in vain – she knew, but what else could she do? "Don't do this to yourself."
"Just stay out of my business, you don't know what I need."
"I love you…" She felt her jaw freeze in place, her breath catching suddenly in her throat, and – as Sasuke paused and turned, something brighter finally showing in those beautiful dark eyes – she felt a spark of hope flare to life in her heart, again…how long had it been since she'd felt that? "I love you," she found herself repeating, the words slipping from her lips without thought. "Please," she whispered. "I'd do anything for you. Just tell me what you need."
He turned back to her then, closing the space between them with slow and casual steps. "You want to help me, Sakura?" he asked, a sudden smoothness to his voice that hadn't been there before. It made her breath hitch in her throat and her hands shake and, as much as her heart seemed to skip excitedly in her chest when he tilted up her chin to look him squarely in the eyes; she felt in her gut that something was wrong. "You love me?"
Her voice died in her throat then, only able to nod in return. Sasuke's lips pulled back into a shallow grin, something devious behind it that normally wasn't there. Sakura cursed the mark on his neck, its wicked influence seeping deeper into his mind. This wasn't truly him, not entirely…it just couldn't be.
"Good," he cooed, the fingers at her jaw slipping back to thread through her hair. It should have felt much nicer than it did, and the grip placed on her locks was all at once locked tight and painful against her scalp, his knuckles pressing into the base of her skull. She yelped in surprise, unable to help as her hands instinctively shot back to free herself from the iron grip. Memories bubbled up within an instant; the hot sun and stiflingly still air, something grabbing her and smashing her head into the sandstone walls, all those people scattering as she was dragged…
The voice seething words in her ear snapped her back. "Then stay out of my way."
She didn't have time to stop the burst of his chakra from scattering her thoughts, just one moment of pressure and it all goes black with a well-placed blow like that. Though fast, she could still feel when the pulse left his fingers and dug into her neck, it surged into her spine, scattering her nerves so close to the brain that she simply gasped quietly as her eyes fluttered, her legs giving out limply underneath her.
Sasuke caught her, careful that she didn't hit her head on the stone street, and with as much discretion as he could muster in such an open view, he moved Sakura to the side where a stone bench sat unoccupied. He laid her on the seat, wiping some locks of hair from her face as she settled to breathe evenly on the bench. It would have been so much easier if she hadn't seen him, now he only had until she awoke to make his headway, and he felt the urgent need from the mark on his shoulder. It seemed to buzz, almost like it could move at times, or like something under it was moving…
Sasuke was about to turn, about to walk away, when the soft clinking of metal on stone caught her attention. He looked down, to where Sakura's pastel locks had laid over something that shone in the soft moonlight. He couldn't help the curiosity that came over him, it looked like a chain but that couldn't be, Sakura never wore necklaces. He picked up the thin chain, the polished links sparkling in the dim light. Pulling it from her shirt, the chain revealed the pendant kept at its end, the small glass sphere with the tiny cork holding a sprinkling of sand within it.
His brow pinched together…how odd.
It only took a moment's pondering to feel as though it was well enough figured out. After all; he had a very good memory.
The way that Sakura had appeared at the gates to Suna those few months ago wasn't something he'd soon forget; eyes bright, smile gleaming, a refreshed happiness washing out from her features as they'd first spied her. They'd also spied the sand, and its master, and the proximity of which she was so comfortably perched against him…a proximity the likes of which he had found disturbing. "Gaara found me…Gaara killed him…I'd be dead if it weren't for him…" There were other things too, now that he thought about it, which stood out more in hindsight. The time absent from camp on their last joint mission, time unofficially accounted for as a "walk", she had been the only one to rebuke the idea to split up on that mission, the ANBU captain had called her the Basin girl, a brainwashed wanderer, and then…
"Where's Gaara? Where is he!?" He'd barely caught the words before…but they had sounded so desperate, hadn't they? Her words to Naruto surely had been. "Go! We've got this. You have to go!" The realization had slowly crept over his face as he stared into those still and lifeless grains of sand, suddenly comparing the sincerities and the urgencies from what she'd said about Gaara to…to what she had just said to himself.
"I love you…do anything for you…"
Sasuke dropped the pendant, the glass tinkling quietly on the stone bench, and a sort of uncomfortably tight smirk pulled at his lips. He let a deep breath out through his nose, suppressing a chuckle as he shook his head. He looked back to Sakura, finding something different about her now, about her face…or maybe her image in his mind's eye, and couldn't help but have the final word.
"Love me?" he whispered down to her, her ears were deaf to his words. "Liar."
He felt his brow pull together and his lips tilt into a frown. The cold and heavy thumping of his heart was back, the ache that it brought him radiating with each pump and pulse, and – with his thoughts fresh in mind – he couldn't bear to look at her face any longer. It was tempting to muse that, perhaps, the man responsible for Sakura's time in the desert had indeed succeeded in taking something away from him, something that – just maybe – might have tempted him to stay in this godforsaken place.
No matter, even more pointless now…
He had to get out of here, had to get distance before they went after him like he rightfully expected of Naruto once he found out. But more importantly, he had to learn how to control this power he'd been given, learn how to harness it for his own needs, he would face his brother then…and he would kill him cold blood just as he had done to their clan.
Sasuke turned his sights once more of the gates looming in the distance, a wicked little smirk pulling at his lips as he left his teammate and – she had thought – lifelong friend unconscious behind him.
Your days are numbered…Itachi.
…
"Sasuke!" Surging forward, Sakura reached out but as she opened her eyes to the light; blinding and harsh against her eyes, he was gone. Her hand reached for nothing but open air and lost potentials. She took a shaken breath, slowly looking around to take in her surroundings.
The street she was on wasn't very busy this time of the morning, only two young men carrying bundles of god only knew what stopped to eye her cautiously and curiously as she was suddenly awoken.
She paid them no mind, her thoughts already racing through her head. What time was it? How long had she been out? "Sasuke, please! Don't go!" Her breath caught in her throat. How far did he get? Had anyone gone after him? Did…did anyone even know? "I love you…"
Her feet hit the pavement and she was off down the street, sprinting as fast as she could through the side roads to the main grid through town. She had to find Naruto, or Kakashi, or Tsunade, or someone. She rushed passed the early morning citizens out and about, her long shadow moving swiftly down the streets, cutting corners and jumping fences were she could to make up for lost time. So much lost time.
"Hey watch it!" someone called out. He was yards away in moments, completely out of sight soon after. She wasn't stopping for an accidental bump of the shoulder, she had no time for the 'I'm sorry' and the 'excuse me', she needed to be faster.
She rounded a corner, turning into a side street that led straight to the main drag through the city. If she could navigate it, it would save precious minutes, but one look down the wide street and she found it packed with people. She cursed under her breath for forgetting about the market held today and, with quick improvising to her plan, Sakura found the nearest vendor with the easiest access to the building's rooftops. With the buildings so tightly packed the roofs acted like a second highway in the sky and though often times used by the military and city guard, it was technically frowned upon. Business and homeowners alike didn't take kindly to the hard sounds of footsteps running across their rooves.
Nevertheless, she planned to be quick, and indeed she was.
Within minutes she found herself at Naruto's apartment building, her eyes finding his unit's window and, as she paused, she thought she could hear his alarm going off from where she stood. A moment to catch a breath, and she continued forward, forgoing the doors and stairs and, instead, helping herself to the balconies and overhangs of Naruto's downstairs neighbors. In this, she was well versed; up the sides and over railings with the agility and effortless ease of a cat finding the perfect perch. With a final pull over the railing of his balcony, Sakura finally planted her feet in the apartment.
Her footsteps were padded against the carpet as she stepped in through the cracked open sliding door. She had been right, his alarm was going off and as usual, he was sleeping straight through it. She smacked the snooze button shortly after throwing open his bedroom door and was upon him straight after.
"Naruto!" she exclaimed, grabbing the collar of his nightshirt and hoisting him up. "Wake up!" She shook him slightly, or maybe she was just trembling that badly…
"Huh!" he gasped, eyes shooting open and hands coming to the defense of his shirt. "Sakura!" She released him and he scampered back a moment, his hands clutching his wrinkled collar as well as his racing heart. "Oh god," Naruto sighed, a pained sort of relief washing over his face. "You scared the shit out of me," he breathed.
"Get up!" she urged, twisting on her feet and nearly attacking his dresser. She threw open the top drawer, paying no heed to his mutters of bewildered protest. She yanked out a clean pair of boxers and – much to his embarrassed shock – turned to throw them at him. Another drawer was almost pulled from the rails, a fresh white shirt and pair of pants being whipped at him in a blur. "We have to get to Kakashi," she said, stalking over to the armchair in the corner where his jacket lay thrown across the back. She snatched it up and tossed it back at him.
"Hold on," he said as he caught the jacket, adding it to the mounting pile in his hands. "Just take a breath. What's go-"
"Sasuke's gone." Her words silenced him effectively, the clothes in his arms were quickly relieved to the bed, and for once it seemed he had no words as he stared her down. She nodded sharply, that knot working its way back up her throat again. Her head hurt too…had she always had this headache? "He left."
Naruto paused, his eyes suddenly peeling from her face and looking absently around the room in thought. Then all at once, they snapped back to her, no less confused than before. "I…I don't, what? Gone?" His face twisted strangely at the word as if it were sour on the tongue.
Sakura shook her head, feeling compelled to clarify. "Left."
Something hardened to Naruto's eyes then, the resiliency he always wore so well. "When?" he demanded, the buttons of his nightshirt straining as he yanking it over his head. His hands went for his sweatpants after that and Sakura did him – as well as herself – the courtesy of turning around.
"Last night," she answered, her eyes finding a spot high on the wall to focus on as Naruto changed. "Late last night, can't be exact though."
"How do you know, Sakura?" he asked. "And why say something only now?" She heard a buckle jingle from behind her and gave herself the liberty to return to face-to-face conversation. He had just yanked the new shirt over his head, moving quickly to his jacket and his field belt.
"I saw him," she said, following him closely as he gathered his things. "I was just walking home from the tower, I did some reading for my lessons, and he was heading toward the gates with a bag packed and everything."
Naruto sank quickly to the floor, pulling on his shoes as quickly as he could. "But why?"
Sakura let out a frustrated groan. "Why do you think?" she snapped. "To kill his brother!"
"And you did nothing?"
"What?" she gaped, half tempted to smack that look of shock off of his face. "I tried to stop him! Tried to talk him out of it! He wouldn't listen. He knocked me out, Naruto! I –" she paused, a sudden need to steady her breath throwing her words. She swallowed the dryness in her mouth in hopes to quell the tightness of her voice. She refused to break again, she refused to shed those tears in front of him now. "I begged him, told him I loved him, he knocked me out cold and left me on the street." She chewed her lip to cease its trembling as she stepped toward him. "He's not right, Naruto, he's not himself. He needs to be here."
He studied her face as she spoke, only now noting the true frantic haste to her eyes, the puffiness to them, they were nearly bloodshot. "Shit," Naruto hissed. He stood abruptly, seeming confident he had all he needed. "Well, what do we do?"
"Go after him," she urged. "I'll get Kakashi, tell Tsunade, do something to get you back up. You just worry about intercepting him."
Naruto hesitated to reply as they made for the patio door. "Back up?" he repeated, the words sounding strange when spoken about Sasuke…about his teammate.
Sakura nodded. "He wants to kill Itachi," she said, a steadfast certainty to her voice Naruto simply couldn't deny. "He thinks he needs the power of that mark to get strong enough to do it…there's only one person who can help with that."
"Orochimaru…"
Sakura nodded, swallowing the hard lump in her throat before speaking, keeping her voice low in hopes to keep it better in check. "I don't think he left on a whim…I think they're out there somewhere waiting for him, and I think he knows it."
Naruto took a second to digest the idea, but only a second, and just like that his eyes were hard and determined. "Understood," he said, nodding to her as he did. "I'll be careful." He threw open the patio door, stepping out into the early morning air and setting sites on the distant gate that separated himself from his renegade friend.
Sakura grabbed hold of his arm, holding him back a moment as he began to climb over the railing. "Naruto, wait," she said, looking squarely into those striking blue depths. "Bring him back…please."
Naruto met her gaze with tenacity and what seemed a fortified sense of valor. "I promise."
×愛×▬▬▬×愛×▬▬▬×愛×
Dammit, all…he really needed to stop coming here.
In the desert things were so simple; nothing crossed his path that he couldn't overcome, no life to challenge his own…but here? Things were different here. The sweat on his brow and the exhausting weight to his limbs were testaments to that. It seemed this forest was insistent on seeing him tried and challenged every time, and though the taste of his victory had been sweet indeed, he didn't at all favor the work it took to get to this point.
Gaara looked out to the battlefield before him, to all the acres of forest drowning in the tidal wave of earth and the invasive pillars of bone. They impregnated the landscape, now only a mere shadow of the peaceful forest that had existed not an hour ago. He grimaced, his heart still racing quite noticeably in his chest, and observed the way the distant tall treetops poked out like bushes in the landslide of sand. Though necessary, the destruction of the land had been extensive and he was sure Tsunade would expect an apology. No matter, it did him no good to think of that unpleasantness now. He was exhausted, nearly spent, and it was difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that even some of his strongest attacks and some of his best defenses hadn't been good enough. After all, it hadn't been himself that killed Kimimaru, in the end, he'd simply been sick…
It took a moment for him to collect himself after the life finally left those shallow and tired eyes of his opponent, it had taken too much out of him…he'd almost lost. Almost died. He was positive that his attacks would have killed anyone else, but that damn technique of his, the bone was not unlike his own sand defense; unimaginably dense and ever obedient to the whim of its master. It was too close a call, it made him uneasy, the sheer luck of it all proving his mortality with a hard smack to the face. He swore he could still feel his hands tremble.
Lee sat at his side, seemingly better than when Gaara had first found him. His face had been flushed and his words slurred whenever he spoke them. Honestly, what was wrong with the man? And to try and fight in his condition? Gaara had nearly scoffed at his attempt to rush Kimimaro, but he figured the face plant into a cushion of sand would be telling enough. Even in the midst of battle, he had needed to take effort to keep attention off of Lee and on himself. He had been right in his first assumption; he was different, sloppy, slower…and once he got a good look at what Lee had mistaken for his medicine, Gaara knew why. The man had gotten himself drunk, and perhaps the laxness to his muscles had been the only reason he'd lasted until Gaara had arrived on the scene.
It had been an urgent road up to this point and if he had been given more time he was sure this battle wouldn't have strained him so much. But no, once word arrived, once they knew their allies were in need of help, there hadn't been a moment to spare.
He'd been on patrol with Temari and her squad, deciding on a whim to accompany them. Ever since her promotion to an official title of patrol captain, she and her squad had been journeying further from the city, taking days at a time to travel the country and check in on the rural communities, and while the concept of long-distance travel was still fresh in some minds he thought it best to keep an eye on things. He had his downtime from missions, nothing better to do as it was…until word came on the radio in the earlier hours of the afternoon. It had stopped the whole patrol unit dead in their tracks. Their channel for open contact with allied troops in the area crackled to life with a call to all units and the urgency of the voice caused a hush to fall over the traveling troop. Gaara could feel his brother and sister glance his way as the clear order was given.
Sasuke Uchiha has gone rogue, all available units respond.
Temari had snatched her personal radio and dialed the frequency for the nearby outpost. "This is Captain Temari with the Suna east patrol, we are available." Sasuke's last known location and names of dispatched soldiers came through the line shortly after…Naruto, Lee, Shikamaru and Kiba…all friends of that traitor. Temari's lips had gone into a hard grimace as she heard the names, a sudden heaviness to her energy and a clear worry to her shoulders. "We're on it, consider us inbound." Her eyes had gone hard, the gleam she normally held was gone, and with a stern voice that argued no room for rebuttal, she gave her orders. "Everyone stay on route to the next outpost and stay there. No one separates from the group. Kankuro and Gaara will come with me, and the rest of you will await our return. I'll be in touch."
Gaara had reacted within an instant, after all, his siblings were well versed in his peculiar methods of travel. They had vanished within his whirlwind alongside him, leaving the remaining squad altogether baffled and confused. It didn't take long for them to guess that the possibilities of hostiles in the area were going to be high and that the subordinates of the group were unequipped to handle such a task. With no other option, they continued on toward the outpost to await the return of their captain.
While in route, Gaara had expended a considerable amount of energy to carry both his siblings across the remaining desert that separated them from the forest, and once he crossed that threshold it only took more out of him to continue at the same pace. But he could feel the urgency of his sister as if her willpower alone could make him faster, and he did his best to locate what he believed to be the energy source she was looking for. He stopped abruptly, the three of them stumbling forth from the flurry of sand and gaining their bearings after miles and miles of senseless and timeless travel. He'd given her a crude direction, knowing that if given proper course she'd find Shikamaru eventually, and with little more than a shallow and sincere smile, Temari turned for the trees. It was Kankuro that called out to her, insisting she be careful and be safe, and she had only nodded over her shoulder as she disappeared.
Then they were off again, more signatures popping up in the hazy reading of the world. There was one in the distance, one that was quiet and calm, but it seemed to breathe power and precision to the land. Another was a little closer, less foreboding, and Gaara chose the lesser of these potential threats to leave to his brother. Once Kankuro was on his own, and entirely confident about it, Gaara made quick course to his chosen enemy. It was only as he got closer that he realized this foe was not alone, that Lee had already engaged with him and was nearing the end of his ability to fight back. He'd cursed himself…he should have been faster, should have made more time somehow…
"These abilities of yours," Lee started, drawing Gaara's attention from his thoughts. "They are truly amazing."
Gaara felt his brow pinch in response. It was rather…unusual to hear such remarks about his abilities, especially from those they had been used against. For years they had been the subject of debate and controversy, the center of people's fear and scorn. To Lee, he merely shrugged. "It's nothing, I just tell the sand what to do. It's second nature to me now."
"Still," Lee countered, some sense of tenacity to his voice. "That doesn't make them any less impressive. You've gotten even stronger than you were before…I hadn't thought it possible."
Gaara refused to take the compliment…stronger or not, it hadn't been enough this day. He said nothing to this and stood from his seat against a tree. His muscles were sore, his energy depleted, and there would be no attacks coming from him any time soon, but even in his moments of exhaustion, he could still manage influence over his own personal grains, the ones that never left and never failed him. His knees felt as though they might give out, but he had confidence they wouldn't drop him.
Besides, he had worries eating away at him. If these foes he'd left for his siblings had anywhere near the power level of his own opponent, he needed to get into contact with them soon and ensure their safety. He thought of his sister as he'd sent her off into the trees alone and without proper knowledge of the situation, his brother whose confidence now seemed a little cocksure to say the least, he needed to find them. "Come on," he said, rolling a sharp pain from his shoulder. "I should get you back."
"No," Lee insisted, standing to confront him. "I have to help Naruto with Sasuke, I've got to keep going."
"There's nothing you can do for him, he's made up his mind."
Lee shook his head. "No I…I just want to get my hands on him," he said, his voice quieting and his words seeping past tight lips. Gaara paused, this sudden sourness to his resolve was unlike the overall positive nature of the man. "After what he did…Naruto did everything he could for him, they all did, and to just turn his back on them like that? I can't understand it. I just can't." He shook his head as if trying to banish the thoughts. "And to think he walked away from what she'd said, and to leave her like that, why it's so cruel, I-"
"Wait," Gaara interjected. "What happened? Who?"
"Well," Lee started, his look was confused as if he expected Gaara to know this. "Sakura. She saw Sasuke leaving the city last night and went after him." He resolved not to let it show, but Gaara was sure his blood just ran cold. "Tried to stop him too, but even after everything she said, what she had promised…he just knocked her out and left." Lee scoffed, his face turning twisting in upset and his arms crossing stubbornly over his chest. "He must be a fool, I can't see any way around it."
Gaara pondered this, a sudden gut feeling urging him to pry the man so eager to talk. "What did she say?" he dared to ask.
He was met by a fire in the man's eyes that was at once enraged and altogether torn. "Told him she loved him, lucky bastard! Said she was in love with him and she'd do anything he asked of her. Then he just left her there, knocked out cold on a bench in the middle of the city, all night!" Gaara swallowed, a strange mixture of that hurt he despised so much and an anger he wasn't entirely familiar with bubbling to life within his gut. Lee sighed, the anger subsiding to something the likes of dejected. "She's just so wonderful and I…" There was a silence that fell between them, it felt thick with a complexity that Gaara was sure he simply wouldn't understand. "Well," Lee spoke after a moment. "She knows how I feel." It wasn't hard to believe that…everyone knew how Lee felt.
Something laughed at him from the tired reaches of Gaara's mind, something that he was glad to say had been keeping quiet these past few weeks. The poor man's obvious heartbreak and upset were nothing but pitiful entertainment to the beast watching Gaara's life go by. He'd been burdened by the nagging and the temptation less and less as he learned to control the further reaches of the demon's influence…but still, that didn't mean it wasn't ever present, feeding him feelings of doubt and uncertainty. He did his best to shake it off, to ignore it like he'd been trying to, and pushed it to the back of his mind.
"Let's go, you need to be looked at."
As stubborn as ever it seemed, Lee took a step back and shook his head. "If I do, then so do you."
"Don't be ridiculous," Gaara sighed in response, the first hints of agitation showing through on his voice. "I'm fine, I have to get to my brother and sister."
This seemed to fall on Lee's ears a little differently. "Temari and Kankuro? You came with them?"
Gaara nodded. "They are out with the others that followed after Sasuke. If their opponents are anything like him," Gaara said whilst making a slight gesture to the dead man half hanging from a spire of bone. "Then they need me."
"But, in your current state-"
"Even in my current state, I can do more than sit by and do nothing. Naruto can take care of himself," he insisted, rightfully knowing that his words held more truth than even Gaara cared to admit. It meant reminding himself that he'd had his ass thoroughly handed to him by the young blond, just another trial this damn forest had put him through. "My brother and sister are a different story. We're going back so I can make sure they're safe." Lee thought for a moment before nodding, knowing he couldn't ask to get in between a family unit he could only just begin to understand. He relented.
There was, of course, a moment of sheer panic that overwhelmed the young man before Gaara's sand could. Lee hadn't expected such explosive speed from it given its master's state of fatigue, but it swirled about the air in a dusty cloud before dispersing to the sandy landscape Gaara had left in the wake of his battle. He slithered them through the towering columns of bone that stifled the land, the last remains and somehow poetic resting place of a man both brainwashed and vindictive till the end; forever trapped in the ability that had him shunned, a prison of his own self.
Gaara would let the city decide what to do about all this…though he was sure they'd make him get rid of all the sand he'd created…he doubted it would be good for the local ecosystem.
It hadn't been long until they arrived at the city and, with a decent amount of honest surprise, Gaara was impressed with how well Lee handled himself in the midst of such foreign travel. It shouldn't have been such a shock, once he took a moment to think about it, he had known of Lee's superb control of his energies and his base chakras went well beyond that of his peers, and perhaps this sense of unity within himself helped stave off the evils that lurked in the far reaches of that darkness.
He had been a little different upon arriving at the hospital, most everyone was after their first time, but he seemed better off than most. There was a nurse that rushed him within an instant, a rampant stream of words bursting from her lips as she scolded him. Apparently, he was supposed to be on strict bed rest and had simply fled the coop. He apologized profusely as the woman groaned in response to his worsened condition, more work for the doctors it seemed.
Gaara didn't linger long, however, and after just a moment he was off again, racing down the road to where he was sure he had felt something familiar. He stopped, though he didn't release himself from the churning river of sand along the ground. No one seemed to notice him anyway. The energy he'd sensed had indeed been his sister's and it didn't take long to sniff out the building she'd gone back to. She was as calm as could be expected and, from what he could tell at least, she was well, she had held her own in battle and returned the victor. But she wasn't alone here, and amongst the background of underwhelming energies of the citizens, he felt something familiar alongside his sister. Shikamaru…it had to be, and almost more noticeable than the blatant familiarity of Temari's signature, there was a pain and sorrow that rippled out from those misleading walls. There was grief that he could feel, a deeply seeded pain that he himself had been the cause of countless times before. Now that he noticed, the air was practically saturated with it, a sense of loss on so many levels. Family, friends, all for the sake of some selfish and shortsighted whim of a confused and angry man.
His brother had returned victorious as well, he would soon find out, and after his worries had been quelled, Gaara found himself in a secluded and deserted training ground within the city. He stopped there, giving himself a moment to rest and regain some of his strength. His gourd fell from his back and he grimaced as he rolled the stress and strain from his shoulders. With a sigh, Gaara popped his knuckles and cracked his neck before sinking to the ground against a shaded tree. He would have some silence from the voice in his head for a while, he was sure, and he intended to use that peace and quiet to get him back to his rightful self. He wasn't a fan of the weighted heaviness to his limbs, the soreness to his muscles…he'd intended to win without much effort like most every time before, not hurt when it was all said and done.
Gaara shifted, prying open a pocket on the strap to his gourd and fishing out some neatly folded papers. There were a few leaves of papers, the surfaces were worn and the creases were thinning the more he took them out. It was hard to help, they always seemed to help settle him.
She'd kept her promise, like she always seemed to, and not long after his return to the desert after their last mission he'd been surprised to see some mail addressed to his home. His sister had received a letter as well and given the way she stifled her smile it seemed that whatever Sakura had written to her was heartwarming indeed. Temari had written back straightaway while Gaara was a little stumped for what to say in return. He flipped to that first letter in his little stack, the one that he'd read so much that the words were fading by his handling and the harshness of sunlight, and most of them he knew simply from memory alone. Naruto and I are glad to know you're back home safe, your teammates too. I was worried about everyone on my way home. I tried my best not to harbor any ill will against your council, but…well, I guess I didn't try hard enough. Why did those first lines always temp him to smile? I wish the mission had lasted longer, or the ANBU just hadn't been there, I wanted to catch up more. I feel our time got cut rather short compared to before. He had to agree, the few hours he'd had her for wasn't even close to the days she'd spent in his desert…the days he'd found himself melancholy for. Oh well, maybe next time? I know that Naruto wants to see you when you're next in town…I heard him mention it at least. I know I do for sure, you've still got to let me know when I can come visit you and the guys. Anyway, be sure to write me back, okay Gaara?
I'll be waiting.
Sakura
He couldn't even remember what he'd managed to put together to write her back. He had to manage something, after all, if he didn't she might not write him again and he just couldn't risk that. It was a strange and intoxicating sensation to know that she'd taken a moment from her own life happening hundreds of miles away to do something that focused solely on him. He had pictured her hunched over a desk with her fingers scribbling that graceful script over the letters to his sister and himself, imagined how she might have checked her mail and the offices at the tower in hopes of a reply. He'd be lying if he said that he hadn't been anticipating it himself, waiting rather impatiently for whatever she chose to share with him next.
It had been her training…and it hadn't been good.
Tsunade is going to kill me. It was a blunt start, the strokes in her writing where jagged and deeply pressed into the paper. She must have been stressed. Everything is just so hard and I can't seem to keep up with how far she pushes me and I swear I'm not going to last in this training. Just when things start to click into place something goes wrong or I screw something up and I feel like I'm back at square one. He could tell these were fresh thoughts, the rambles of a frantic and doubtful mind not yet clear enough to think them through. He'd seen dejection in her before, he could picture the self-criticism and disappointment pulling at her shoulders and tilting down the corners of her lips. I'm not progressing like I should, I'm not going anywhere. I'm sorry for laying all this out but I just – the next words were written differently as if she had taken a moment from her thoughts to collect herself before continuing – don't know if I can do this. Gaara remembered clearly how he'd felt his jaw tighten at those words, even now it made something coil unpleasantly within his gut. Tsunade's put so much time into this, I don't know what to tell her, or anyone. What if I'm just wasting her time?
She was in a bad place, Gaara could practically feel it through the paper…she hadn't even signed it. Perhaps it was the sheer audacity of the words, the brazen offense it posed to her nature…it didn't matter what, he'd written back straight away, even showing his sister the letter so she could find some way to talk sense into Sakura.
Give up? He couldn't imagine it, the idea of healing and correcting the violent wrongs of the world just seemed so naturally becoming of her, this momentary lapse into self-loathing and self-doubt was something he was personally familiar with and he refused to allow her to wallow in it. He did remember what he wrote back that time, and of all the things he could have said, none seemed more important than what he'd needed her to hear. She pushes you because she believes in you even when you don't. You can't give up, people need you.
Her response had come a little over a week later, too long to wait in his opinion. Those long days had been plagued with quiet question. Had she revoked her apprenticeship with the Hokage? Had she felt such failure within herself that she could no longer persevere to her proper calling? It had been a great relief when the letter came, stating that, no, she hadn't given up. She'd felt foolish as it were, embarrassed for confiding such doubts in him. He hadn't cared in the slightest, she had felt trapped, in need of some release, and when she felt she could turn to no one else, she turned to him. He doubted she'd ever know how much that had meant to him, how much he'd been stupefied and enthralled all at once. In her hours of discontent she had sought his confidence, a testament to the friendship she claimed to share with him.
He had his favorites, of course, little things that were more so just thoughts that she cast to the wind rather than letters meant to keep him informed. She'd sent his sister letters of dreams she'd had; ones that brought her back to the desert, and she tried her best to make plans to truly come back but…so far they'd all fallen through. Gaara had been getting impatient with the whole thing, but then Temari had left a small note for him in his room one day, a little scrap of paper sent along with her own letter about canceling plans. I'm sorry, it had said. I miss you guys. I want to come back.
Ever since getting them, they'd made a permanent home in that pocket on his gourd's strap. These letters would be safest there, most private there; no one would dare touch them. He didn't want to risk it. There were too many times when just the simple sight of her script had breathed calm and control back into him, to know he could trust someone and to know they trusted him…it got him through many hard times.
But now, as he sat alone with all the letters she'd sent him, reading over the words yet again after countless times before, Gaara found himself fixating on how many times the Uchiha had been mentioned. He saw these words in a different light, the hints to his plan were so obvious now, the warning signs much more clear…the extent of Sakura's concern for her teammate was clear to him as well.
He's not like himself lately, he's closed off, distant – he couldn't help but wonder how close that meant they normally were – I'm worried about him. It's that mark, she had said in a separate letter, I'm sure of it. It's changing him and I don't think he realizes it, or maybe he's not trying to stop it. I wish I could help him.
Gaara looked over the letters, wondering just how long this desertion of Sasuke's had been in the works. Sakura had noticed something, she'd seen the change that lead to this whole mess, but perhaps no one had listened, or maybe she had hoped she was wrong and never told anyone other than himself. If that were the case then he should have listened better, seen something that she couldn't…he might have been able to do something to prevent this…
"Said she loved him, lucky bastard!"
…to prevent that. He felt it almost unjustified, but it made him angry. Lee was right, she was so wonderful, and to hurt her the way he had…well, he simply couldn't wrap his head around it. Perhaps this is what tempted him to search out into the city, to see if she was close enough to seek out. It hadn't taken long, she wasn't too far, just over a mile away by the front gates to the city and, beyond that, Gaara felt who she was waiting for.
Naruto was coming back.
He'd gone quickly to investigate, to see what would happen when he returned to the city, and placed himself a good distance away down the street. He was weak, fatigued, hopefully she wouldn't notice him so close, she wouldn't bother looking whilst so preoccupied, and he watched as Naruto approached her at the gates. Before he even appeared beyond the walls, Gaara could see her shoulders slump as her hands held a gasp to her lips. He was alone, no one followed him; Sasuke was gone.
…loved him…
"Naruto," she said without thinking, Gaara could just barely hear them over the voices of the few people scattering the road.
Naruto approached, desperate apology clear in his movements. "Sakura…" he started, his steps slowing from his sprint back home. He began to hold up his hands, as if in way of spoken apology. "I couldn't…he…" He huffed, the both of them clearly frantic and scattered, so much chaotic energy pulsing between the two. "I'm sorry, Sakura," he finally said, his shoulders falling and his voice becoming hollow. "Sasuke said he isn't coming back."
"No," Sakura breathed as she stepped back, he could only see the way her lips moved around the word. "No!" A few people had stopped and turned at the sudden sound of her voice, their eyes falling on her and all her disarray. "You…you promised!"
"I know," Naruto muttered in return, following after her staggered steps back. "I know, I'm sorry." He reached out to her, snagged her wrist and attempting to pull her close. Then, with a choking sob that Gaara heard all too well, Sakura collapsed into the arms of her friend. The energy she emitted, swamped with pain and devastation and heartbreak, flooded out to the streets around her. Gaara stepped back, focusing on that whirlwind of hurt and – now that he saw her pain true in her eyes and the heartbreak in her voice – he thought himself a fool.
Who was he to think he could help her? What right did he have to assume he could mend the hurt of another? He'd done nothing but cause this sort of pain his whole life, first his mother, then all the countless, nameless, faceless others that littered his path after. No…he'd only make things worse, it's all he ever did.
"Come on, Sakura," he heard Naruto urge her. Through the people walking quietly on the street, Gaara saw Naruto turn Sakura, trying to get her out of the public area. "Let me take you home." She couldn't respond, the breaking of her voice and the sobs ripping from her throat wouldn't allow it, she only leaned on him for support, turning her face into his shoulder as she tried to hide her sorrows from prying and curious eyes.
He had to get out of here.
His heart thumped painfully in his chest, his limbs felt both heavy and weightless and not at all well, he felt compelled, desperate to do something, but there was nothing he could do. Sasuke was gone, but to where? Gaara didn't know. It would be pointless to go in search of him to drag back for her sake, it would only cause more problems if he even tried. With no other feasible option, he disintegrated into a flurry of sand along the ground, sifting to the wall and slipping over the barrier unnoticed. He simply couldn't sit in the presence of that hurt any longer, it stirred his beast and it suffocated him.
Not that it mattered, at least she was safe in the city, with Naruto as well, someone trusted and beloved, he could comfort her better than Gaara could…he was sure of it.
×愛×▬▬▬×愛×▬▬▬×愛×
"Are you sure, dear?"
"Yes," Sakura spoke back, her voice a little ragged yet.
Her mother paused, not really believing her daughter's words, but what more could she do? This was all young love and heartbreak, nothing she herself hadn't lived through before…though desertion had never been a factor in her own teenage dalliances. Either way, she knew Sakura was stronger of heart and spirit than she gave herself credit for; she would be fine.
Just needed to sort herself out.
"All right," she complied, her voice softening as she moved to stand in the doorway of Sakura's room. Sakura was sitting on her bed, hands clasped limply over her lap while she stared blankly in front of her. Her lips were tilted and her brow was furrowed in a perpetual expression of dismay, her eyes were puffy and red – oh, how she hated to see her daughter this way. "If you're going to be okay, your father and I have to get going."
Sakura nodded. "Don't miss your reservation, Mom," she muttered, turning to her mother for a moment. "I'll be fine."
"All right," she said again, grabbing the door handle to shut the door behind her. "We'll be back later. I love you, dear." Sakura nodded, her lip suddenly pulled between her teeth to suppress another quake threatening her voice.
Her mom shut the door, the sounds of her footsteps echoed down the stairs and she heard muffled voices below as her mother spoke quietly with her father. They hadn't wanted to leave her be, they wanted to cancel their reservations and stay with her, but – as much as she loved them for caring – she didn't want them hovering. It wasn't long before she heard the front door open and shut as her parents left the house.
She shifted on her bed, leaning over so she could snatch the picture frame from her bedside table. In the soft glow of the lamplight, she studied the faces in the picture. Her hair was longer back then, and she noticed that she no longer recognized that face of hers as the one she now saw in the mirror. Naruto had gotten taller and, to her surprise, some of that dorkiness actually made way for some potentially handsome features. He looked so young in the picture…so much could happen in just a few years. So much could change.
Then her eyes drifted to Sasuke, that brooding and underwhelmed expression of his, forever frozen in this physical memory, suddenly caused her heart to clench. She cursed herself, her fingers gripping the wooden frame tightly, and wished she could be rid of the torment that seemed to come to her in waves, always coming back for her right after she found some sense of center again. She pressed her lips together tightly, trying to hold back the shaking of her throat, and used an already damp sleeve to dry her eyes.
Her eyes fixed on his in the photo. "You idiot," she muttered. "So stupid."
It was too much, she couldn't look at it anymore, not yet at least, and she tossed the picture back to her nightstand in a sudden fit. It knocked her alarm clock to the floor and she sighed, bending down to pick it up. She leaned over, the chain of her necklace slipping around her neck and the pendant swinging out from under her shirt.
She picked up the alarm clock, taking more interest in her pendant as she set it back on the stand. Sakura peered into the glass sphere, the sand was so still and unassuming, and it struck her as odd. Hadn't she felt him in the city? She'd been surprised to say the least, but upon hearing that Temari and Kankuro had come with him it made more sense. But even so, she could have sworn she'd felt him within the city limits, it had to have been, though the energy had seemed quieter, perhaps less abundant than before. But now – now that she thought of it and focused – he was much further away.
Her heart sunk into her chest, something all-together different than the waves of chilled pain that had wracked her heart at Sasuke's expense. He had been in town earlier, he'd been so close and she was right to think that she'd felt him. Hadn't that brought her some sense of peace? She'd been relieved at least. It wasn't long after Lee ditched the hospital that she had heard of it, and she'd also heard how Gaara had saved his ass on the battlefield and brought him back to the safety of his doctors. But now he was…leaving?
Yes…he was.
She could feel it as he gained distance, the pulsing of the sand inside the glass sphere growing weak and slow. The necklace always seemed to pulse to life when he came by, the sand reacting to the tidal flow of the energy that followed its master. And as he retreated farther from the necklace, farther from her, the vibrating tumble of sand grew gentle and dormant.
She heard herself whimper, her hands shaking as she moved with sudden and frantic force. Snatching up the necklace, tearing it from around her neck and almost breaking the chain over her head, Sakura squeezed the glass in her palm. If only she could talk back to him through the sand, if only she could tell him to come back, that she wanted to see him, to thank him, to tell him she missed him and ask of what happened with his siblings. If they truly were okay. So many things she needed to ask of him, so many things weighing much too heavily on her shoulders, and in the midst of all of this he was just going to…what? Leave? She was only just able to feel the last flickers of the energy it held as she gripped it tightly in her hands as if the tighter she held it the more he might be able to feel her. Tears threatened to burst from her lashes and she pressed her eyes shut against them, her lips trembled in protest of the sob trying to rip from her throat, and in her moment of unrest; she felt the glass give way.
The sphere splintered in her palm, sharp edges piercing through her skin, and droplets of dark red blood seeped out around the glass.
"Ah!" She gasped, opening her fist and dropping the loose sand and broken glass to the ground. "Shit!" She hissed, her heart sinking suddenly as she bent down to the broken pendant. She touched the pile of soft sand, little bits of reflective glass poking out, and huffed out a disappointed sigh. She hadn't meant to break it. Sakura held up her hand, holding it with some care as some blood dripped down her palm and wrist, and tried to pluck out the tiny slivers of glass, tried to pick the little grains of sand from her cuts.
She wiped some tears from her eyes, sniffling a little as she did so. Her palm, stinging and silently leaking blood, began to itch. She peeled back the skin of a cut, inspecting the strange itching sensation, and saw a few grains of sand moving in her wound. They lifted from the cut, clumping together and falling to the floor. The itching had been the tiny tingles of vibrations and the sand of the broken pendant clumped together, sticky with blood, and slithered in its place.
She felt it then, the growing pressure on the horizon, and she stood from the floor, her eyes locked on the pale light coming in through her window. Her lips thinned, her brow drew together over her eyes as she scowled. So this is what it took?
Her abandonment and heartache weren't enough to warrant some comfort? She'd been thrown aside after everything she'd done, tried to do, and now he was done with her too? So she herself wasn't enough but a simple little cut was?
She sucked in a ragged breath through her teeth. "Fine," she hissed through tight lips. She snatched up a sliver of glass, her heart feeling as though it would simply burst from her chest, some tight ball of anxiety that needed a release, and she dug the glass into her palm.
She winced against the pain, ignoring the throbbing of the cut, the pressure getting heavier all around her. She pulled the end of the shard, the fractured edge tearing more into her skin. But she pushed through it, if this was what he wanted, if this was how she was going to be noticed, then so be it. Squeezing her hand shut, she pressed the glass further into her skin, tears leaking from her eyes as she did so.
She felt the blood seep from the small wounds, dripping down her wrist and down her forearm in thin little trails, and suddenly she felt that pressure give way.
Wind blew harshly at her window, the trees of her yard whipping in the gusts, and with the wind came a barrage of sand. It slammed against her widow, tearing the pane open and flooding into her room. She stood there, her eyes squinted against the sand in the air, and waited for Gaara to show.
When he materialized, his hand came first, reaching out from the swirling wind and snatching her wrist. The rest of him followed after, all tense and...and angry.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" He hissed, pulling her hand closer, the remaining sand in the cuts moving around again, causing her palm to itch.
She resisted, trying to pull her hand back, and glared at him. "What do you care?" She spat, her voice threatening to break. "Give me the picture!"
He didn't let go of her hand, the sand in her cuts working to pull out the tiny slivers of glass still stuck in her skin. "What are you talking about?"
"The picture! Asshole!" He did hesitate at this, looking up to meet her eyes and seeming to first notice the tears. "You obviously don't want it, give me my damn address back!"
His brow pulled together as he realized what she spoke of, his fingers tightening their grip on her wrist. "No," he responded, his voice flat and non-negotiable.
"Yes!" She cried out, her voice breaking, tears spilling over her cheeks. "Give it back! Just-" She sucked in a breath. "Just give it back."
"Sakura," he started, loosening his grip on her wrist, but refusing to let go.
"Sasuke didn't care, not about me, not about Naruto, so why should you? Just... just give me the picture and go. You were already going anyway."
Her voice had become defeated, her hand now limp in his, and her shoulders shook and quaked as she tried to contain her sorrows.
He paused, his mind void of thought or ideas, unable to comfort her. This is why he had left, why he had put distance between them, knowing he would only fall short of what she needed. Who was he to know how to cope with loss? Who was he to know how to fix a terrible heartache? He'd lived a life filled with rejection and scorn, but he'd never thought to ease the hurt it brought. How could he help her when he hadn't been able to help even himself?
But here she was, standing there in the flesh with her blood on his hands and her tears staining her cheeks. Telling him to leave? How could he? He couldn't possibly do that now.
"No, Sakura. I'm not leaving."
She looked up to him, a hopeless pain in her eyes he couldn't sooth. It nearly broke him. "Then..." she mumbled, her lips trembling. "Then why did he leave?"
Selfishness. Revenge. A pointless path to a disappointing end. None of these answers would help her, he knew, they couldn't take away the ache swallowing her up. "I don't know," he said, lying as he did so. "I don't know."
She choked on a sob, ripping her hand from him in an attempt to stifle herself. She turned, her shoulders shaking, her breath ragged and erratic, and she stepped away from him. Grabbing a hand towel she pressed the cotton to her palm, soaking up the blood, and placed her good hand over her lips. Gaara quickly followed after her, cracking his knuckles and taking a few calming breaths before reaching out for her hand again. She let him have it, not bothering to fight him now, and allowed him to do his best at wiping the blood from her hand and wrist.
"I should have gone after him," she whispered, her throat too strained to handle her voice. Gaara did his best not to show it, the way her words cut him into an angry edge, but he could feel his lips tilt into a scowl. "I could have helped Naru-"
"No," he stated, cutting her off and silencing her. "He only would have attacked you as he did Naruto. He wasn't going to let either of you stop him, you know that."
She stared at him, trying her best to read his face through her misty eyes. "Nothing?" She asked. "I could do nothing?" Her tears were coming back, brimming against her lashes, threatening to drop. He shook his head, knowing that above all she would appreciate truth in this. Her face fell, dejected and altogether broken, and not for the first time this day either. Her shoulders slumped and it seemed like she would simply give out. "But...but I told him I loved him."
Gaara could only nod, refusing to let that punch to the gut show in front of her. It wasn't what she needed now. "I know."
She sucked in a short breath. "I told him I'd do anything for him," she said, quiet and shaken. Gaara only nodded again, remembering well how he'd envied the boy for just that; companionship and blind devotion, things he'd always been denied...things Sasuke had only thrown away. She took a step toward him, perhaps worried her legs would give without support, perhaps seeking a physical comfort he surely couldn't manage, he wasn't certain. "Doesn't that -" she started, choking on a lump in her throat. "Didn't that count for something?"
He didn't know what to say, it was a question he'd always pondered and never solved. What could he tell her?
"Isn't that supposed to be enough?" When he didn't respond she squeezed her eyes closed, tears dripping down her cheeks, and she leaned into him.
He let her rest her head against his shoulder, her hands gripping his shoulders and pulling herself closer, trying to hide from the world within the fabric of his shirt. He put an arm around her waist, a firm grip to show she was welcome to seek whatever comfort he could offer and smoothed his other hand over her hair. It was softer than he'd thought it would be. She shook and quaked even more now, as if she found a means to release what she could no longer contain, and he stood with patience as she cried.
She sniffled, no doubt staining his clothes, and tried to steady her voice. "I thought it was going to be enough."
He nodded, holding her tighter as she drew her arms around his neck, pressing the hot skin of her face into his throat. He had to say something, anything to quell that pain, but what could he say? Who in their right mind would throw away what she had offered? It was something he'd have to fight for every day of his life and Sasuke had simply let her slip by. Gaara continued to hold her as she emptied herself of sorrows and tears, a quiet pillar of tenacity for her to cling to, and tried his best to sound sure and sincere in his words. "For the right person, Sakura," he said, hoping to whatever god was out there that he wasn't pulling complete bullshit out of his ass. "It should have been more than enough."
She nodded against his neck, satisfied with his answer it seemed, and he forced himself to pull her arms from around his neck. She pulled back, sniffling a little in embarrassment at the dark stain on his shoulder from her tears. He took hold of her hand, the bloody one still holding the wash towel, and peeled the wet fabric from her palm.
"Sakura," he said, his voice quiet and almost pleading with her. "Fix this." He'd gotten the sand from her cuts and taken the tiny splinters of glass along with them, but he could do nothing more. He couldn't mend and repair as she could, he couldn't heal like she could and it only angered him to know she'd done this to herself.
She scrunched her face together, glaring down at her stinging palm now that she felt spent and foolish for her actions, and scoffed. "I don't care," she muttered.
Gaara simply persisted through her shortness, doing his best with this whole patience business, and tried again. "I do."
She paused, her swollen lip pulled between her teeth as she thought, and it appeared she would give in to his request. She nodded, the veins under her pale skin already pulsing with the softest green glow, and the cuts on her palm shrunk and mended, her skin smoothing over with nothing to blemish it but a crimson stain. She flicked her wrist out of his hand, the glow dying as quickly as it had come, and sneered.
"Happy now?"
He knew better than to take her tone personally, he too had lashed out and provoked people in his moments of unrest, and he also knew better than to feed that attitude. He nodded, staying calm and even. "Yes. Don't do these things to yourself," he said, the tone of his voice causing her eyes to dip to the floor. He took her hand again, holding it so she could see her bloody palm as if for emphasis. "Not even a little."
She knew he was right, that she'd been caught up in her emotions and acted out in a less than desirable way. She nodded, foolishness washing away her temper, and spoke quietly. "I know, it's just that...you were here all day. I knew it, I felt it..." She stood stiff and rigid a step away from him, probably the most awkwardly she'd held herself in his presence for a while. He felt his chest tighten, something winding with a violent tension, faced with the repercussions of his actions. "And then you were just...leaving. I never heard from you, never saw you, nothing. I just didn't want to feel like I was losing everything."
"No, Sakura," he said, closing the step she'd taken between them, taking a bold chance to touch her face and demand the attention of her eyes. She'd been dead wrong to think that and he wanted her to know it. "I thought I'd only make things worse for you. I didn't know what to say, what you would want me to do."
She shook her head, sniffling away some residual tears, and leaned into his touch as she did so. "Just be here."
He paused, nearly mesmerized at the way she leaned her cheek into his palm, turning into his touch and closed her eyes to the world. "Okay," he muttered, his other hand reaching out until his fingers just barely touched her hip. He drew his arm around her then, the embrace he was positive she was seeking, and drew her close. "I'm here."
She slumped against him as if there was no more strength in her body, the rigidity he'd felt was gone and the soft resistance of her body against his was much more pleasant. Her shoulders shook still, her breathing wasn't nearly calm or level yet, but with an arm secured fast around her waist and her arms held tight around his neck, she was free to as much time as she needed. He wouldn't complain, it didn't bother him and he found that – even in her sorrows – it was just as intoxicating as when he'd secure her to his side for travel.
And just like the times he traveled with her as one with the sand, it felt much too soon when she finally stepped out of his arms. She sniffled, doing her best to hide the puffiness of her eyes. "Sorry," she said, her voice quiet between them. "This must be so silly to you."
Gaara shook his head. "No," he said in return. "No, it's not."
Sakura wiped her eyes, trying to soothe the dry puffiness to them. "So," she began before clearing her throat. "Where's Temari?"
Gaara shrugged, looking to the side for a moment as she tried to collect herself. The aforementioned picture still kept company in his strap's pocket, this woman before him was a hollow reflection of that picture, lacking the confidence and happiness that made her eyes shine and her skin glow… "She was back in town last I gathered," he said. "Got Shikamaru back fine, Kankuro and Kiba are fine as well, no casualties between them at least."
Sakura nodded, a silence falling over them as they stood in the dim light of her bedroom. "Senseless," Sakura muttered, her arms coming up to hold herself. "Just senseless."
"It would seem so."
Sakura paused, looking up at him after a moment. "Gaara," she began, her throat feeling tight again as soon as his name left her tongue. "I…look, I can't thank you enough. All of you, for everything you did today."
"It's nothing," he insisted, wanting to rid her of that guilty expression.
Sakura didn't refuse this, but she did pause, her eyes seeming to clear from her pain for a moment and she started looking at him differently. He didn't like it. "And you're…sure you're fine?" she questioned after a moment. "You seem different."
Gaara thought about trying to bypass this subject but decided against it, her abilities of perception were at times beyond his understanding. Sure, he was similarly skilled, but he had a demon to explain things…she was just innately like this. "Yes, I'm fine," he said doing his best to sound sincere and promising. "Though I had a harder time than I'd rather admit." This small admission of vulnerability almost brought a smile to her face…and at that a bit of his pride indeed flew out the window.
"Difficult? Really?" she asked, the small smile on her lips and the upward inflection to her voice almost making him miss the fact that she was teasing him. "Big, bad you had a hard time?"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yes," he said, his voice flat and already tired of her taunting. "Big, bad me." He looked to the side, still able to vividly recall the look in his opponent's eyes, the determination and ignorant resolve to Kimimaru's voice. "But this guy was something else. He used attacks you wouldn't believe, was able to survive things no human would." Sakura had paused at the sudden drop in his tone of voice, the jeering glint in her eyes fading over to that worry once again. "He would have killed Lee…" There was a pause, something telling Sakura that this thought of his wasn't quite finished and she waited in apprehension. "He almost killed me."
Sakura sucked in a breath. "Oh, gods," she breathed, suddenly upon him again as if this news somehow changed his physical state. Her finger touched his face, turning his chin to make him look at her. "Why didn't you say something?" she demanded, a shake to her voice once again. This seemed less hurt or heartbroken and more so panicked or possibly even annoyed. "My god, I can't believe I went on about myself like that after-"
"Sakura, stop," he insisted, taking her hands in his and pulling them from his face. "I'm fine, nothing to worry over."
"Almost killed you?" she repeated, a strange mix of impatient disbelief on her face. "Nothing to worry over?"
"Yes, Sakura," he retorted quickly, only the slightest bit of annoyance showing through in his voice. "I know what I said."
"No," she stated outright. "No, you don't get to say shit like, oh yeah, I almost died, no big deal." She scoffed, almost wishing she could slug him once really good in the shoulder like she did with Naruto when he was being dense. "I mean, Christ! What did I say to you the last time? Where was your back up?" she demanded.
"I had none." She nearly choked so Gaara took it upon himself to elaborate. "The scouting party wouldn't be equipped to deal with any rouges in league with Orochimaru, they had to stay behind. I would have only trusted Temari or Kankuro out there and after my fight, I even doubted if they would be all right on their own."
Her brow pulled together as her eyes shifted quickly over his features, appearing as though he looked different to her suddenly. "Gaara," she urged, stepping closer to emphasize herself. "You're not serious…you were alone?" He simply nodded. "Oh," she breathed. Her lips trembled again, her hands found his shirt but her fingers shook as she took hold of it.
He knew what was coming, he could see it in the way her shoulders tensed and her eyes fell from his face. He took hold of her and helped guide her to sit on her bed. She sunk to the mattress, her determined grip on his shirt forcing him to sit with her. Her eyes seemed lost in thought when she spoke again, trying to wrap her head around the words he'd said. "You were careful?"
He nodded. "As I could be."
She only leaned against him in response, her head resting on his shoulder as her arm slipped around his. She was trembling again and it almost baffled him, but she had offered him some sense of explanation soon enough. "Be careful," she urged, her words spoken so quietly with her lips so close, the soft heat of her breath just barely ghosting over his neck. "I said people needed you."
"I know," he said quickly after. "I remember."
"I'm one of them, you know?" She paused as if waiting for him to respond, but her words had caused his throat to close shut and his mouth to suddenly run dry. He could only nod even though, no, he'd never thought she'd ever need him. If anything he thought he'd only end up needing her. She sighed, probably at his lack of verbal reply, and simply made herself more comfortable at his side. He was suddenly all too aware of the arm he had untangled from hers to slip around her, of the softness of her hair against his neck, of that pressure she placed against him, that resistance and that warmth.
"If Sasuke's gone," she said, her words trying their best to be strongly spoken. "If my team is falling apart and…well, I can't lose you too. Just, I don't know, be careful, I guess." He nodded his agreement again, unable to put words in his own mouth. "I'm sorry I broke it," she said after a moment. "I didn't mean to."
"It's all right," he replied simply, his voice a little rough past the lump in his throat but she paid it no mind.
Sakura paused a moment, though, pouting over her small loss, and there was that shy, almost embarrassed tepidness to her voice again. "Do you…do you think I could have another?"
Gaara scoffed, almost tempted to shake his head. "You don't need it, you stick out enough on your own."
Her pout was more noticeable now. "Well, still…" she muttered.
"Fine," Gaara relented. "I'll think of something."
"Good," she said, an upturn to her voice, like a smile he could hear. "How long will you stay in town?" she asked. He felt her turn her face to him just a little more, felt her hair and the tip of her nose brush against his jaw, gods how he fought the deep thumping of his heart.
"I don't know," he said curtly, worried how his voice might betray him. "The others haven't left yet."
Sakura pondered this a moment, thinking of her friends all battered and bruised at the expense of a futile effort. She thought of Naruto and how he must be drowning himself in self-blame, though of Lee and how he'd risked his recovery and his future just to try and help them, thought of Temari and Kankuro, how they had dropped their missions to come to an ally's aid. There were so many people that cared about them, so many people that came together for them.
If she thought about it, now that her head was a little clearer and her thoughts weren't so plagued by sorrow and guilt, she realized that it hadn't been them who failed Sasuke this day. They hadn't failed to show him the goodness there was to still live for, failed to convince him of his home within their lives and within their city, failed to be there for him.
It was him, it was Sasuke that had failed all of them. Oh, how it still hurt, and it would continue hurting – she knew, but even now, even as she sat in the presence of her quiet and trusted friend, and felt some of the guilt lift from her shoulders. She leaned into him more, he moved instantly, making room for her to be comfortable even though he was obviously stiff and unsure of his movements.
"Stay with me a while?" she asked quietly. Stay with her? Here? How could he say no? How many times had he stared at that address of hers and wondered what lay on the physical side of things? "At least until my parents get home?"
"You're sure?" Gaara asked, his eyes drifting along the walls and the tables and the half-open closet and absorbing everything he could. He could tell she was calmer now, something closer to stable, and he could busy himself with memorizing all that he could.
"Mhm," she mumbled. "Please?"
"Sure," he agreed, this little space of hers offering so much peace and sanctuary even to his foreign self, the pressure of her weight against him, the privacy of her intoxicating company…how could he pull himself away? How had Sasuke been such a fool? "As long as you need."
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