One Piece: Strawhat Theater
"Our Mrs. Monkey"
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan-based work of prose. One Piece is the property of Toei Animation, Funimation, and Eiichiro Oda. Please support the official release.
Luffy and Nami sat in the Thousand Sunny's sickbay, watching as Chopper gave their daughter a thorough examination. Luffy had done a great job keeping his little girl distracted and giggling throughout the entire thing.
Though Nami had had to hold him down when it came to the vaccine injections.
Ace had cried and hiccupped, but some cotton candy and cuddles from her parents (and Chopper) calmed her down.
"So? Is she okay?" Nami asked Chopper. Chopper chuckled, looking over the lab results.
"She's perfectly healthy, Nami! Actually, really healthy!" He looked at Ace as she gobbled down more cotton candy, sharing some with her father, "Like, super healthy! She's as big as a four or five year old! Her metabolism is something else!"
"She's not going to age into an old woman prematurely, is she?" Nami asked, grabbing the lapels of Chopper's doctor coat and shaking him.
"UWAH UWAH UWAH! N-No! More than likely she just has her great-grandfather's height genes," Chopper said, gently pushing her away, "She's probably just gonna grow up really tall!"
Nami was fairly mollified, but Luffy frowned deeply.
"Awww... But I'm so short!" Luffy whined. "I won't get to carry her around for very long!"
"You are made of rubber, dear," Nami sighed.
"Oh yeah!" Luffy laughed and nuzzled Ace's nose. She nuzzled back, also giggling.
"I also gotta say, based on your exams," Chopper said, "It must have been a very easy birth!"
"I didn't notice any change," Luffy said, rubbing his chin, "Though I like your bigger boobs and wider hips-"
"LUFFY!" Nami shrieked, whacking him over the head.
"Ow! What?!"
Nami flushed but nodded.
"Yes... It was a fairly easy birth..."
Nami made a dark face.
"At the end."
ABOUT EIGHTEEN MONTHS AGO...
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"
This baby was killing her. Whatever painkillers the Weatheria Wizards had given her, it wasn't enough. Haredras had tried to hold her hand, but she'd ended up tossing him through a window.
"What do we do?! What do we do?!" The other weather wizards panicked, while their local doctor did his best to dodge Nami's flailing limbs.
"GYAAAAAAHHHHH!" Nami shrieked, tears falling down her cheeks. "GET ME MORE-AH-DRUGS!"
"THERE ARE NO MORE DRUGS!" One of the wizards cried. The doctor Wizard still remained perfectly calm, checking over Nami's belly and between her legs.
"Dilation is occurring normally, Mrs. Monkey, you're doing well," the doctor said, ducking under a lightning bolt Nami had unleashed. "Can someone get her Climatact away from her?"
"LIKE HELL!" The other wizards cried, all bearing bruises and scorch marks.
"HANG ON! HANG ON! I GOT A BLUE SEA DOCTOR!" Haredras cried, hurrying in through the front door into the small clinic. "IN HERE! IN HERE!"
"Who is...?!"
Nami's jaw dropped as a tall, dark-eyed man with a snow leopard cap and a sword walked in. He was followed by an upright polar bear.
"TRAFALGAR D. LAW?!" Nami shrieked in pain and disbelief, "YOU GOT HIM?!"
"He did help fix up your husband!" Heradras pointed out.
Law sighed.
"He scooped me and Beppo up," Law muttered. "He promised money-"
"I'LL PAY YOU, JUST HELP YOU STUPID BASTARD!" Nami snarled, and black lightning seemed to crackle outwards from her. The weather wizards directly in her line of sight crumpled to the floor, out cold. Beppo squeaked in terror, hiding behind Law.
Law... Smirked slightly.
"I see why he likes you so much," He mused. He walked up alongside the comatose Weatheria doctor, and held out his hand. "Room."
A blue aura emerged over Nami. Law immediately injected her with a sedative, and Nami laid back, breathing slowly.
"Ohhh... W-Wow," she mumbled. Law immediately went to work with his doctor's tools, opening Nami up. He placed a spare blanket in Nami's arms.
"Shambles."
"WAAAAHHHH! WAAAAAHHH!"
A newborn baby wailed. Nami looked down in shock, as a tiny, red, squawking infant filled her arms. Law finished his work, and dispelled the Room.
"I... W-Wow," Nami murmured, her eyes locked onto the tiny baby.
"I patched up your internal organs, arranged things so you'll be able to recover in a matter of hours instead of months," Law stated, "You don't want to fall behind your crewmates."
"Y-Yeah," Nami managed, enraptured with the baby. "Is... Is it-?"
"Congratulations," Law said, with the ghost of a smile on his face, "It's a healthy baby girl."
Nami cried. She cried ugly, and she cried endlessly. She cuddled the tiny life, felt the small heartbeat against her chest, and sobbed happily.
"Th-Thank you... Thank you...!"
"Well... Just remember me to your husband when you meet again," Law said softly. "I'm gonna need your help."
"I... Depends on what that help is," Nami managed. She was drugged, but she was still lucid. Law nodded.
"I expected as much. My payment?"
"How much?"
"For a housecall like this?" Law hummed. "Normally I'd charge 2,500,000 Berries-"
Nami cradled her new daughter even as she snarled like a tigress. Law moved on, not skipping a beat.
"I'll cut it to 1,200,000 Berries."
"700,000!"
"1,100,000," Law countered.
"... 750,000!"
"I did allow myself to be kidnapped," Law pointed out. Nami sighed.
"Urrrrgggghhh... Fine... 1,000,000! Final offer!"
"Deal."
"HEY!" Haredras cried. "That's hardly your money to spend! You stole it from us-!"
Nami held her daughter up to him. The baby opened her eyes, stared at him, and then cooed softly.
Haredras sighed, melting.
"1,000,000 it is," he said, handing over a thick stack. Law smirked.
"Pleasure doing business with you."
The present...
"Wow," Luffy sighed, "Wish I could have been there. Ace got born... And you gave money away!"
"It wasn't my money," Nami smirked.
"Still!"
Ace ran off like a rocket. Luffy followed. Nami then shivered.
"Brrr... I can feel a cold front coming up," she murmured. "Chopper? Alert the crew, we need to start dressing warm."
"Gotcha, Nami!" Chopper said with a nod.
Nami went to her cabin with Luffy, and pulled on her jacket. She headed out with a jacket for Luffy and one for Ace. She looked around for them and then spotted Usopp running into the Den-Den Mushi Room.
"OI! NAMI! WE'RE GETTING A DISTRESS CALL!" Usopp shouted.
"What?!" Nami cried. She hopped over the railing and landed at a run. She burst into the Den-Den Mushi Room. She was expecting Franky or Brook or anyone else to be answering the call... Not...
"ACE!"
"Hi! I'm Monkey D. Ace! And I'm a Princess!" Ace cried cheerfully.
Luffy carefully pulled the Den-Den Mushi speaker away and patted his daughter on the head. Nami sighed in relief, as did everyone else.
"Sorry about that! This is Monkey D. Luffy! I'm going to be KING OF THE PIRATES-!"
Nami punched him in the head.
"IDIOT!"
"Well, there's no doubt they're father and daughter now," Usopp sighed.
Cesar Clown chuckled. Well, things could have gone worse. Sure, Strawhat Luffy and his crew had landed on his island and found his secret lab. As had the Marines under Vice-Admiral Smoker. Cesar's alliance with Trafalgar Law was quickly dissolving, given that the Doctor of Death had made an alliance with the Strawhats. And while he'd done well enough in the first battle with Strawhat, he'd been forced to escape as he tried to eliminate everyone.
He knew Strawhat and Vice-Admiral Smoker were on their way to his main lab, spoiling for a fight. Well... He wouldn't give them one. He was too smart for that!
Caesar grinned and laughed horribly. Just before Strawhat and Smoker charged into his lab, both looking furious.
"You got a hit in on me at first, Strawhat, and that's to be commended," Caesar sneered, "But a moron like you can't stop me! Neither can you, 'Bright Hunter!' Besides... I've got an ace up my sleeve! Or should I say... Your Ace?"
Caesar activated a screen. An image of Acenath appeared. She was sleeping in her mother's arms down in the facility, as she and the other Strawhats tried to keep the test subjects calm. Caesar grinned broadly.
"Your own daughter, Strawhat! I could have taken her at any time I pleased! But with the push of a button, I can end her!" He held a finger over the button. "You can either watch your wife and daughter die, or work for me, like a good little pirate!"
Strawhat's Haki rose furiously... And then dropped down to almost nothing. He sighed.
"Ugh... I really didn't want to bust this out for a loser shithead like you, but..."
Smoker jumped away as Luffy vanished in a cloud of steam and bolts of Haki. He gaped, as did Caesar, at the huge, hulking brute that emerged. Strawhat Luffy looked up, his brow etched in rage, his fists black with Armament Haki and as big as cannons.
"You had to go and piss. Me. OFF."
"Wha-?!"
Before Caesar could even think, he was punched away from the control panel, through the wall... And the next twenty seven walls.
He counted.
Strawhat in his monstrously huge form was also insanely fast! And that Haki! It burned him down into his soul! He tried to attack, any attack, but Strawhat hit him and hit him and hit him-!
"GUM GUM... KONG... GATLINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!"
And his world was now nothing but punches! Every memory and thought he had was nothing but punches! He was driven into the snowy mountain, through the Earth, into his lab, down floor after floor after floor!
Everything was pain and darkness and punches!
Before he mercifully passed out.
Smoker's jaw refused to close. How could it, after watching Strawhat's wrath?
Every bit of the lab he could see was either rubble, or on fire. Or both.
After a bit, Strawhat trudged back in through the hole he'd made, carrying the very unconscious Caesar Clown on his shoulder. He looked up at Smoker.
"Hey... You got Seastone cuffs, Smokey?"
Smoker grit his teeth... But pulled some from his belt and tossed them to Strawhat. The pirate took them, and slapped them on Clown's wrists.
"Thanks."
"So..." Smoker began, "What... Was that?"
"That?" Strawhat smirked.
"I call that... Gear Four."
Smoker nodded slowly. Strawhat smiled.
"Anyway... I got what I came for," he said. "You can have your guy. You're pretty pissed with him too, right? You should go beat him up."
"And after?" Smoker asked.
"You take the kids somewhere they can go home and get help, and we leave," Strawhat said.
"It's always so simple for you, isn't it Strawhat," Smoker grumbled.
Strawhat nodded, his smile turning into a frown. His eyes hardened like Armament Haki.
"In this case? Yeah. You threaten anyone I love, I break your everything."
Heaven help them all if the World Government pushed harder. Smoker knew they would, and the war that would ensue... In that moment, it wasn't a possibility. It was fact. That war was going to happen: He could still remember Whitebeard's ominous words at Marineford. They felt like prophecy in this moment, a prophecy that would be fulfilled.
He was going to have to make some uncomfortable choices soon. Sooner than he had hoped.
Nothing for that though. He had business in the present.
"And Caesar?"
Strawhat shrugged.
"Tra-Guy has a plan involving him to take down Donflamingo, Big Mom, and Kaido. It sounds cool, so I'm in."
Smoker found himself laughing, if only out of sheer disbelief.
"Another Warlord, and two Emperors? You don't think small, Strawhat."
"Nope! I'm gonna be the Pirate King, after all!"
Strawhat turned and began to walk for the door, right past him.
He could just let Strawhat go.
Just let him go. Not say a word.
Duty, however, reared its ugly head, and Smoker held up a hand to stop him.
"I should try to take you into custody, you know," Smoker said.
Strawhat laughed.
"Yeah. You could try. That might be fun!"
There wasn't any malice in his tone, or warning. Smoker didn't know if that made it better or worse.
"But if two Pirates can team up against some really bad guys..." Strawhat smiled again. "Why not us? We did it before, right?"
Smoker let out a large cloud of smoke from his mouth. He shook his head.
"... Go take care of your family, Strawhat," Smoker stated, "We'll handle the rest."
"Aw, thanks Smokey guy!" Strawhat laughed, "You're the best!"
Strawhat headed off. Smoker sighed again.
Well... He had a renegade, corrupt Marine he could take his frustration out on. There was that.
Notes:
Because I HATE Caesar Clown. Fuck him. This arc should have been shorter. And so here, it is. He doesn't deserve to be ended by Gear Four, but I think Luffy would be sufficiently cheesed off with him that, nah, not even gonna waste any time. This fight will not be fun, he just needs to be ended, NOW.
Him and his goddamned annoying laugh.