AN: While last chapter was entertaining to write, I'm excited to write this one because it's going to be a lot of "character" development for the Akatsuki and world building. Also, a lot of Zetsu and Kakuzu fluffiness—and Sasori being a little shit. Please note, a lot of things mentioned aren't going to be canon because they're going to be headcanons, basically. So, if at one point you're reading this and think "that wasn't how it worked in the manga", that's because in this fanfic, I reject canon and substitute my own. That should've been obvious by now with the genderbend, lol. Prepare for a lot of dialogue and exposition.
Cat Beats: Haha, sorry about it being a bit wordy. I'm a person that believes that a lot of description is better than no description and sometimes, I get insane with it. Oh, and trust me, it's going to get better with Kakuzu and Zetsu. This chapter and the next is going to be a perfect examples of that, lol. Also, I don't think anyone is going to a "soulless villain" per say, in this fic (except perhaps Orochimaru, can't do much there). I took German as my second language in high school and college so I can speak it…kinda, haha.
Kuro641: I'm always happy to hear I was successful at writing dialogue because I consider it my weakest skill. I cannot say if I'm going to be adding Black Zetsu because this fanfiction is hella canon divergent so there are characters that may or may not be included. And you aren't stupid because you're correct, I am hinting towards something, but I cannot say what it is because it would be spoilers obviously, haha.
rarae aves: That was one of favourite parts to write too, haha. You're always welcome and thank you for reading and commenting on every chapter! You're the best.
I'd like to take this time to thank everyone that has favourited, alerted and commented on this fic. You're the ones that encourage me to write and get these chapters out as quickly as possible! You're all the best!
Warning(s): Language (Med), Genderbend
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Wasteland
Red Dawn Arc
Chapter 32
It was a half-an-hour before this huge "announcement" could be made as Sir Leader wanted to wait for Konan to arrive first. During which, Kakuzu obtained a steak from the freezer and Zetsu was currently seated in the metal chair in front of Sir Leader's desk, holding the cold slab of meat on her ballooned face with a disgusted grimace. Sasori was in the chair beside her, fastened to it by threads to prevent thrashing, arms shackled to his sides and a dirty rag stuffed into his mouth to muffle his obnoxious moaning. It did little though as he had started humming a mutilated tune. Kakuzu wanted to tear out his vocal cords, but he couldn't exactly do that with Sir Leader a few feet from him. Instead, he tapped the metal-toed boot on the cement floor to drown out the out-of-tune warbling and Sasori, being the shithead he was, replied by humming louder. All it accomplished was disturbing Sir Leader who was trying to finish his paperwork and if they weren't so crucial for the Akatsuki, he might've killed the both of them.
Finally, after thirty-seven minutes (Kakuzu had timed it), Konan descended the stairwell into the basement. Instantly, her ambered eyes snapped to Zetsu and upon observing her puffy, black and blue face, let out a horrified gasp like she just found the girl's corpse. "What happened!?" She wailed, hastening to Zetsu's side and crouching beside her. "Zetsu, what happened?"
"A fight." Zetsu answered genuinely, flinching when the woman pulled back the steak to examine her eye that was inflamed shut and painted pitch-black like a panda's eye patch.
"A fight?" Konan's burning orbs instantly menaced Kakuzu and her coloured eyelids squinted. Mama Bear mode activated. "What happened?" She asked him, darkly.
Kakuzu just shrugged and casually said, "A fight."
"Why was there a fight? And why are you using a steak instead of ice?"
"Meat is cold and draws out the water that causes swelling." Kakuzu replied.
"We have ice for that!"
"Raw meat is better for black eyes."
"Raw meat has bacteria, it'll give her an infection!"
"She isn't using it on any wounds, just her damned eye!"
"She can get pink eye!"
"She isn't going to get fucking pink eye!"
"Ahem!" Sir Leader cleared his throat loudly, interrupting the two guardians' quarreling. "Would you two kindly hush up so I may speak?" Immediately, Kakuzu and Konan "hushed up" and instead, exchanged heated glares over Zetsu's head, much to her discomfort as she slinked down in her chair. "Thank you."
Sir Leader pushed aside his infinite paperwork and intertwined his hands on his desk, preparing his throat again. "Now then, I am pleased to announce that preparations in Amegakure have finally completed after numerous delays due to insufficient funds and weather. It shall function as the Akatsuki's main headquarters and the organization will be relocated there."
"So, we're moving to Ame?" Kakuzu asked, basically summarizing everything he said with the question.
"Yes."
"When?"
"As soon as possible. I'd prefer it be done today as I have a meeting planned after everyone has transferred. That isn't too much to ask." It wasn't a question. Kakuzu went silent with his interrogation so Sir Leader continued speaking. "I'll be going ahead, and Konan shall be the one guiding you to Ame once you are all prepared. Any other questions?"
Kakuzu glanced at Zetsu, expecting her to raise her hand because she always had a million questions to ask, but by the crinkle her brow and tilt to her head, he could tell she was lost on the situation and would have to explain it to her later. "Perfect. Now, if you would kindly leave my office." He shooed them off with a sweeping gesture of the hand.
Everyone obliged the superior's request and left. Kakuzu freed Sasori from his threads and the first thing the brat did was spit expletives at him, then literally spit at him and run into his room, slamming the door behind him. He would've hunted down the boy and strangled him if he didn't feel a tapping on his side and gazed down to find Zetsu staring up at him, now pressing an ice bag to her face. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Konan put the steak back into the freezer with a cringe and glare in his direction.
"Are we moving?" Zetsu asked.
Kakuzu nodded. "Yes."
"To a new house?"
He hadn't asked that, but he couldn't imagine Sir Leader making them live on the streets or god-forbid buying their own residences. That wouldn't fly with the miser. "We'll see. Now let's start packing." He ushered her to their shared bedroom, nudging her along using his knees.
Thankfully, Kakuzu didn't have much to pack: his clothes, financials and old book collection a certain someone gifted him. Zetsu had much more in terms of the hundreds of plushies Konan bought her—it wasn't hundreds, but it felt like that. After boxing her clothes and books, she didn't have anything for her stuffed animals and started getting upset, thinking she would have to leave them behind. Eventually, Kakuzu had to sew a blanket into a bag for her to put their combined weight in toys inside—and who was the lucky person that got to play Santa Claus and carry it? Him, naturally. After approximately an hour, they finished and left the room, Zetsu with her backpack jam-packed with her books and homework and holding her box of clothes while Kakuzu was hauling his own wardrobe and collection underneath his arm plus the bag of stuffed toys slung over his shoulder. In the living room, Sasori was seated on the couch, tapping his foot on the table and humming again.
Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at the back of his red head. "Boy, where are your things?"
Sasori's paused in his woolgathering, glaring at the elder from the corner of his eye as he leaned off the cushions and jabbed a thumb to the scrolls buckled to the back of his Sunagakure vest. "Scrolls, dumbarse." Kakuzu scowled and once again, was going to throttle the shit when he was interrupted by Konan entering through the front door.
She gave everyone a once over. "Is everyone ready?" She asked, receiving a lukewarm reception except Zetsu who chirped out an ecstatic "yes!". Instantly, Konan noticed the girl was wrestling with her backpack and a heavy cardboard box and stepped in. "Oh here, let me take that, sweetheart." She offered and took the box off her hands with a smile.
"Thank you." Zetsu said, presenting back a fat-lipped, beartrap smile. Kakuzu scowled at the fact Konan failed to also offer to take the toy store he was hauling. Afterall, she was the cause of why Zetsu had so much junk. She never did either.
Instead, she told them to follow her as she walked out the door and they trailed behind her in a straight line, reminiscent of a mother duck and her ducklings. Kakuzu positioned himself between Zetsu and Sasori during the little road trip to prevent a playback of this morning's events. Thankfully, Sasori didn't try anything as he was too busy with bitching the minute they left; bitching that he was hungry, or that he was hurting, or that he was getting mud in his sandals as they trudged through the Marshlands—being the only one with open-toed shoes. Kakuzu could tell even the saintly patient Konan was starting to get irked with the complaining and he was curious which one of them would snap first and kill him. Fortunately—or unfortunately—it never came to that as after a miserable two hour walk, they arrived at Amegakure's entrance. Immediately, Perimeter Patrol, Takeshi and Satoshi, greeted them excitably, like two dogs upon their owner returning home, babbling on about God and Angel and the Akatsuki like everytime anyone affiliated with the organization came around. Konan humoured them until the gate was dropped then bid them farewell and two men tripped over each other waving her goodbye and blessing the ground she walked upon.
Upon entrance in the industrialized city, Kakuzu's gaze was instantly drawn to a building in the distance. It was hard not to notice it with its skyscraping height and bizarre choice of architecture. When he last saw it, it was enveloped in a metal skeleton with wooden walkways that carpenters traveled on as they laboured over welding the steel plates together. That ugliness was now gone, leaving behind the finished project that could be considered equally, if not uglier. This tower was tall, easily dwarfing every and any other structure in the capital and fashioned with massive piping that served no purpose except aesthetic. That demonic face he spied soldered on the side was now joined with three others, all with unique but hideous features including one with its tongue stuck out; each stared out over the capital with its replicated Rinnegan like a mechanized god. Something told him that tower's completion had been part of Sir Leader's preparations.
Konan led them to god-knows-where, though Kakuzu presumed it to be the tower, the metal-plated streets clanging noisily under their feet as they walked over them. As they walked past the drenched citizens, dressed head-to-toe in their waterproof ponchos and a few greeting them through rebreathers, he noticed something peculiar. At first, he thought it was his old, senile brain playing tricks on him, but after examining himself, including the boxes tucked under his arm, then Sasori and Konan marching in front of him, it confirmed his suspicions. Especially when considering Sasori was quiet on such perfect bitching material.
"The rain," He spoke up and Konan spared him a side-eyed gaze over her shoulder. "Why aren't we getting wet?"
Upon hearing this, Sasori glanced down at himself, discovering he was drier than the wastelands of Suna despite being on the wettest place on earth besides the ocean. "Wait, what the fuck?"
"Rain isn't wet?!" Zetsu gasped, swiping her hand through the falling water that left no moisture on her skin as she did. Yet, she felt its cold.
"Oh yes, now would be a perfect time to explain the rain in Amegakure. Yes, as its namesake, it does rain in Amegakure, but it is manufactured." Konan said, lifting a hand and cupping the water inside it that then poured out between her fingers. "Sir Leader is that one controls it and its main function is detecting foreign chakra signatures of anyone that may've infiltrated the village. However, those considered to be of importance do not feel the wetness of the rain. Currently that is: Sir Leader himself, myself, and members of the Akatsuki."
"So…it's a genjutsu?" Sasori inquired.
"It is a jutsu but not a genjutsu. Both Sir Leader and I can use it."
"Ooh, so awesome!" Zetsu gushed.
"That's fucken insane." That could've been mistaken as a compliment too but with Sasori, nothing was a compliment.
Kakuzu wanted to know why this exception hadn't existed during the several times he had to tread through the waterlogged city, but he wasn't complaining. Whatever saved his hair from the nightmare of frizzing, he'd happily take.
They changed direction, leaving the claustrophobic town center for quieter thoroughfare towards that of the tower, as Kakuzu anticipated. As they neared it, he felt a tugging on his hand and stared back at Zetsu walking behind him. She pointed at the tower, likely to question him on it.
"Why is there seven Sir Leaders?" She asked instead, taking him aback.
"What?"
"There's seven Sir Leaders." She explained, pointing at the top of the structure where the two largest heads were located, counting one then dragged her finger down until it was directed at the ground and numbered to seven. "Why?"
He didn't know how to answer that because he didn't know what the hell she was talking about, so he decided to ignore her instead as he went back to facing forward. As he did, he saw Konan staring at them and caught a mildly disquieted expression etched in her features before she turned away. Thankfully, Zetsu didn't insist with her bizarre question. Kakuzu also ignored the fact she kept her tiny hand tucked in his.
"Don't tell me we're goen to that ugly ass builden." Sasori moaned and threw his hands up, referencing the tower of which the waggling tongue face was staring down at them like a horrific, haunted attraction in a carnival.
Konan winced from the comment, obviously offended but said nothing. "No, it is not. Our destination is coming up." She said, much to Kakuzu's curiosity. If it wasn't the disaster of artist liberties, then where we they going exactly?
After being led through a few shady back alleys, a bustling marketplace, and poor neighbourhoods, suddenly, they were standing outside a mansion. It came out of nowhere too; they just turned a corner and bam, it was there. Kakuzu had flinched it was so surprising. This couldn't be it, could it?
"Here it is," Konan proclaimed, holding an arm out to the residence. Like it needed anymore introduction. "This, is the Akatsuki Manor."
The dubbed "Akatsuki Manor" was a single-story chateau; a hybrid of wood and steel. It was hedged by a ten-foot brick wall snarled with creeping ivy to prevent eavesdropping with a torii gate that had the Akatsuki symbol burned into the metal. It opened into a garden made up of fake grass and trees, because the everlasting rain would kill any actual vegetation, and a pebbled walkway that transformed into a bridge that led to mansion's entrance; underneath the bridge was a pond. Zetsu squealed upon seeing the colourful koi swimming in the crystal-clear water and Kakuzu had to hold onto her hand so she didn't fall into it while she cooed at the fish. There was a second building off the beaten path besides the home, smaller but designed like a chapel with strained glass windows and marble pillars. It wasn't part of the tour, however. Konan welcomed them inside the manor, holding open the door as they stepped into a large entryway of beautiful grey bamboo flooring and walls.
"Is this what the funding went to?" Kakuzu asked humourlessly as he kicked off his boots, so it wasn't mistaken as a light-hearted joke.
"No, this was here before. We just…renovated it." Konan replied ambiguously, setting down the box and helping Zetsu get her shoes off, arranging them aptly with her own sandals on the step.
"This is way fucken better than that ugly cabin." Sasori injected his two-cents, much to Kakuzu's offense. In his humble opinion, the cabin was perfect until the little terrorists arrived.
"I'll show you where everything is." Konan said and the ducklings followed her in an orderly fashion.
Much like a school, the manor was built of hallways and rooms in a square shape with an open courtyard in the middle. There was a sitting room with television and seating that had a sliding door that led outside into an exterior, closed-in hallway; a kitchen with a outside view; a meditation room and a washroom. The hallway led to the master-sized bedrooms, ten in total, and opened up into the garden with a glass roof that Konan mentioned could be used as a training area.
"That should be everything," Konan mentioned as she walked them back into the living area. "You can pick your bedrooms and drop off your things. I have obligations but I'll be back in approximately an hour to take us to our next destination for a meeting. Should that be enough time for everyone to be settled?" She received a half-hearted shrug from Kakuzu but accepted it. With a gentle kiss goodbye on Zetsu's bruised cheek, she took her leave. Once Konan was gone, Sasori immediately hurried off to pick out the best bedroom first like the spoilt brat he was.
Kakuzu turned to Zetsu, adjusting her bag of goodies he had lugged this entire way. "Girl, did you see a bedroom you wanted? You better pick now before the boy does."
"Oh, umm…I don't know," Zetsu muttered, staring down at her pink socks as she shuffled her feet and twiddled her thumbs. "We don't share?"
"No, we're going to have our own bedrooms now."
"Oh…what room did…did you want, Sir?"
He piqued an eyebrow at her. "Why?"
"Umm…because…because I want the room next to you." She finally admitted, staring up at him through a black eye and smiling at him with puffy lips. "So, we can stay together!"
Kakuzu couldn't explain what he just experienced, but it was like an invisible force punched him the chest and all five of his hearts skipped a beat. It left him breathless and with the inexplainable hankering to scoop up the girl and hug her for what she said. He'd never do something so ridiculous though. Instead, he pounded a fist on his chest to get his hearts in rhythm again and vociferously cleared his throat.
"A-Alright," He replied, cursing himself for the weak stutter that infiltrated his speech.
There was a popping noise and stench of smoke mingled with the fresh scent of rain in the air. On the other side of the corridor, one of the paper doors was open and Sasori was inside the room, activating the scrolls that held his belongings. Kakuzu did not want to be near the boy or god forbid share a wall with him, so he browsed the rooms on the opposite side. After a bit of back and forth, he made his decision.
"I'll be taking this one." He told Zetsu and pointed at the bedroom that was one of two that made up a corner.
"Ok! Then I want this one!" She chirped, pointing at its cornering neighbour.
"Alright, girl. If we're going to be sharing a wall, so you must be quiet and not disturb me, understand?" He wasn't too worried with her being loud as when she was perfectly quiet while staying in his room, but he didn't want her thinking that just because she had her own bedroom, she could party every night.
"Understood!" She pulled open the sliding door to her new bedroom and ran inside. He left the sack of her stuffed animals on the inside of the door then entered his own new bedroom.
Bedroom? No, he had misspoken. It was a house; it was huge, easily the size of the cabin, perhaps slightly larger. The ceiling was high with a fan lazily spinning overhead and the flooring and walls had the same bamboo finish as the rest of the house. It was furnished too. There was a large kotatsu in the middle of the room, a desk, a queen-sized bed and a wardrobe. It even had its own heating and air conditioning. There was a second glass door that led to a private patio area over the water that was canaled into a stream. Except having to purchase a bookcase and sharing a bathroom with two teenagers again, it was an upgrade and for once, Kakuzu considered it to be a good investment for the organization. Plus, he liked having his privacy back.
After putting away his clothes, he decided to check in on Zetsu and found her practically bouncing off the walls as she gushed over her new room. Once seeing him, she grabbed his hand and using impressive strength, dragged him around her room as she showcased everything to him. It was the same as his, but he said nothing and just let her give him a tour. "Look at my bed!" She squealed, pointing at the bed then at the heated table. "Look at that thing!", (he had to explain to her what a kotatsu was) and when she discovered the outside patio and the fact she could watch the fish swimming by, she lost it, letting out the highest pitched scream that made the koi splash away and Kakuzu cringe. He checked his ear with his pinky in case it was bleeding. Sasori's own nails-on-chalkboard voice screamed, "shut the fuck up!" from the other side of the complex. Kakuzu patted her on the head and told her to put her things away then left to finish unpacking also.
An hour later, like promised, Konan had returned. When she entered the house, she found Sasori ransacking the kitchen, searching through the cabinets and fridge, all of which were empty, and complaining loudly there was so food and he was starving in the whiniest voice achievable; and Konan, being a maternal woman, ignored him and went on to check on Kakuzu and Zetsu.
Kakuzu was spending the little free time he had to write a lengthy letter when someone knocked on his door. "Come in." He granted, hiding the personal message in his desk and turning in his chair as Konan opened the door and stepped inside.
She stole a glimpse around his room then her kindling iris landed on him. "Are you unpacked?" She asked curiously.
Given his lack of material possessions, he could understand why she'd be confused, thinking he hadn't done anything yet when he nothing left to unpack; his clothes in the wardrobe, paperwork stashed in his desk and novel collection kept safe in its box until he could acquire a bookcase. "Yes."
"Ok, do you know which room is Zetsu's?"
"It's the room next door." He answered, pointing to his right.
"Oh, she's staying next to you?"
"Yes, she wanted us to stay together." And Konan gave him this skeptical stare, like he was bullshitting her, and she couldn't and didn't want to believe the implication that Zetsu was starting to like him, especially after how horribly he treated her in the beginning. He found it unbelievable too. More so with the possibility he might like her back, but the mostly because he found her to be the the lesser of two evils when compared to the infinite evil that was Sasori.
"Ok, can you please get Sasori?"
He heaved a heavy sigh but muttered, "Sure." Konan left to the room besides his as instructed to get Zetsu.
She found Zetsu in her room, occupied with stacking her plushies in the corner, replicating an avalanche, and hadn't put her things away yet so Konan quickly did it for her. Afterward, she helped her change out blood-splattered clothing she was still wearing from this morning and ushered her to the sitting room where Kakuzu was lounging in the new recliner, just Kakuzu though.
"Where's Sasori?" She asked him and checked the wall clock. She didn't have time for this, she didn't want to make Pein wait too long. This meeting was important for the Akatsuki.
Kakuzu shrugged, arms folded behind his head and eyes shut. "I don't know. He isn't in his room and I can't find him anywhere else."
"He was in the kitchen last I saw him and…oh no."
Turns out, Sasori hadn't lied about being starving. It was a half-an-hour that they had to wait for the redhead to return. When he finally did, he casually walked into the sitting room as if he hadn't just disappeared without a trace, a fast-food takeout bag clenched in his hand, and everyone stared at him; Zetsu was staring at him while it was Kakuzu and Konan glaring at him, their combined glowering hot enough to melt steel.
He just shrugged it off. "I told you I was hungry." He swiveled on his foot to take his food to the kitchen and eat but didn't have the chance when Kakuzu was on him, snatching his meal out of his hand. "What the fuck!?" Kakuzu didn't reply, instead, he walked outside the front entrance and turned the bag upside-down, emptying the contents into the water and the koi happily munched on the sandwich. Sasori lost it.
"What the fuck!?" He screamed again, shrieking like a banshee but face red like the devil. "My fucken food! That's all the money I had, you bastard!" He clenched his puppet hand into a fist and from the wrist, ejecting the sword hidden inside. He charged at Kakuzu, waving the blade at him in an attempt to stab him but the senior activated his Earth Spear and easily slapped the weapon away as though it was a plastic toy.
"Oh, get over it. You ate this morning."
"Yes—this mornen, you fuckface! I'm goen to starve because there ain't any food here!"
"We just got here so of course there's no fucking food!"
"Why didn't anyone bring the food over from that shit cabin in the woods!?"
"If you want that food, then you can go back and eat it."
"Fuck you!"
"Please," Konan pled, interrupting the ludicrous argument happening between the two males. "We're late for the meeting and I do not want to make Sir Leader wait any longer. After it's finished, we'll all go out to eat? How is that?"
"But I'm hungry now!" Sasori cried and stomped his foot, acting not like a fifteen-year-old teenager but a five-year-old child. Zetsu behaved more mature than him and she had the mental process of a four-year-old, Kakuzu thought, shaking his head.
After a bit more negotiation between the spoilt teenager and two adults, it was decided they'd dine after this important meeting and it'd be at a five-star restaurant upon Sasori's demand, as compensation for his wasted last thousand ryō. Once that melodrama finished, they herded the children out of the house and hurried off to the overdue gathering. Turns out, said meeting took place in the "ugly ass builden" (much to Sasori's chagrin) as Konan chaperoned them to the tower which was within spitting distance of their new home.
The reinforced metal doors could only be opened from inside, not outside to prevent intruders and upon entrance of the massive ground floor, it was sickly humid with hot steam leaking from the pipeage and loud with the bone-chilling noise of metal grinding on metal caused by the turning of huge metal gears that powered the flickering lanterns hung overhead. In the middle of the chamber was a circular glass capsule the top of which was interconnected with a pully system—it was an elevator. It was large enough so the four of them could fit inside and have elbow room. There was a control panel that had a dozen, brass buttons, none of which were labeled to which floor they led. Konan pushed five of the buttons in quick succession as if she was dialing a number pad on a phone. Kakuzu quirked a brow, a gesture she caught onto.
"You'll be taught the codes during the meeting." She explained, mistaking his look for confusion as that of curiosity. He just shrugged.
She pressed a big button on the bottom of the console which caused the glass doors to slide shut then, a set of gears independent for the others started turning with a wheeze and heave of smoke and the elevator started chugging upwards. Zetsu gasped excitedly, loving riding in elevators and pressed her fast to the glass to watch the metallic walls pass by. Kakuzu, in the meanwhile, clutched the handrail and squeezed shut his eyes, scowling. Elevators, especially the ones with windows, gave him vertigo. He hated them. It wasn't a quick ride either as they headed to the top and considering how preposterously tall the tower was, it took them an entire minute to reach the top. When they reached their floor, the elevator decreased to a stop and chirped happily as the doors opened into a second set of doors. They stepped through them into a dark room, only faintly illuminated by gas lanterns lining the walls. Zetsu hugged onto Kakuzu's leg, having a fear of the darkness and he petted her head to calm her.
Konan walked off, vanishing into the blackness and a few seconds later, copper blinds on other side of the room were cracked open, immediately flooding the room with the outside, muted lighting and exposing they were inside a sizable conference room. It had oblong table, long enough to fit a dozen chairs plus one at each end and the chairs themselves were comfortable-looking leather office chairs. Konan cranked them open enough so that Amegakure's skyline could be admired through them but being high enough that no one could spy through back at them.
"You can sit anywhere with the expectation of the chair at the end; that one belongs to Sir Leader." She said but didn't specify which end chair would be their superior's due to both end chairs and every other chair being identical. "I'll be right back after I get him."
After she left, being the little shit-eater he was, Sasori decided to seat himself in Sir Leader's chair like he was just explicitly told not to do. "Alright, I'm mayor of Fucktown now," He proclaimed, leant back in the chair with his hands behind his head and feet kicked onto the table, grinning smugly. "An' as mayor, you two are fired! Now get out!" Kakuzu just rolled his eyes and took a seat on the opposite end of the table to avoid the red-haired brat with Zetsu plopping down in the chair beside him.
When she discovered it could swivel, she gave herself a few spins, giggling and gradually spinning herself faster and faster until she was a blur. After a minute of this, Kakuzu caught her chair to cease the motion, the spinning making him dizzy and a tad nauseous. Her fun ended, she decided to look out the window instead but as she got up, she stumbled a few steps before her vertiginous brain sent her toppling to the ground. Sasori barked obnoxiously with laughter while pointing at her. She recovered quickly and ran over, oohing and awing at the view down below. Sasori scooted his chair behind her and he kicked her in the backside, sending her lurching a step towards the glass. She screamed out in fear when she perceived herself coming within inches of falling to her death, despite the fact the metal blinds would've prevented that, and fled back to Kakuzu as Sasori crowed like Sunagakure's national bird: the kookaburra. She was sniveling and the felon ruffled her hair while glaring at the boy across the table.
After a bit of this, Zetsu perked up from her near-death experience and decided to pick a fight with Kakuzu, ducking out from underneath his hand and punching her hand into his palm. It was play though, something he picked up on and held up his hands, letting her use them as punching bags as she practiced her punches. At one point, she tried to be clever and bop her fist into his chin, but he tilted his head back then gently thwacked his open hand on her forehead. Zetsu squealed with laughter from the pretend attack and even Kakuzu found himself smirking in a rare moment of weakness.
After approximately ten minutes, Konan returned with Sir Leader in tow. Upon entering the seminar room, the origamitress's eagle-like gaze instantly pinpointed Sasori, sat in the chair she had advised everyone not to sit in. She glared at him with manicured hands balled, her metaphorically teapot boiling over. Sir Leader, on the other hand, didn't appear the least bit fazed with having his designated chair stolen. Instead, he sat down in the other available end seating, besides the feuding Kakuzu and Zetsu. Kakuzu put an end to their game but not before Zetsu got in one hit, jostling his sunglasses on his nose. Konan sat next to her partner which left Sasori by himself on the other side of the lengthy table.
"Hello, Sir Leader," Zetsu greeted politely, grinning, obviously having gotten over her initial intimidation of him.
The ginger's pierced lips twitched into what could be mistaken as a smile. "Hello, Zetsu. How are you?"
"I'm ok." She answered despite her face replicated an abstract painting with splashes of blues and blacks.
"I'm glad. How do you like your new home?"
"I like it a lot!"
"It has quite the intricate architecture. It must've used a lot of our funds to build it." Kakuzu interjected his opinion as subtly as a punch to the face, eyeballing the other man.
Picking up what Kakuzu was putting down, Sir Leader shook his head. "It cost us nothing except to furnish it and clean the blood stains. The Akatsuki 'acquired' the manor. It was Hanzō's clan home."
"So, you stole it after you killed him and his family?"
"Yes." While Kakuzu wasn't thrilled to be now living in the house of a slaughtered clan, including that of Amegakure's tyrannical leader, at least it wasn't why he had been forced into slave labour these last few months. However, he couldn't say this tower was worth it either.
"Now then, I'd like to start by thanking everyone for their presence here today," Sir Leader stated. "And—"
"What!?" Sasori interrupted him with a yell, his voice ricocheting loudly off the empty walls. He had his ear cupped due to being out of earshot. "I can't hear you!"
Sir Leader let out a small, sharp exhale of air through his nose and closed his eyes, for the first time, frustrated by Sasori's antics. Konan looked readied to get up and give the boy an overdue spanking of his lifetime. "Kakuzu, would you kindly seat Sasori closer so we may begin?"
It wasn't established that it had to be done with gentleness as Kakuzu got up and marched over to the teenager. He grabbed Sasori by the arm and the boy let out a deafening scream of "pedophile!". Konan got up to shield Zetsu's poor, innocent ears from the incoming swearing but Pein beat her to it, leaning over and cupping the girl's ears for her. Sasori struggled as Kakuzu lifted him from the chair, thrashing and kicking the older man in the shins while screeching like a child with behavioural issues. Kakuzu had triggered his Doton, otherwise, he'd be in a lot of pain right now. Dragging the lashing puppeteer, he brought him around the table then picked him over his head and slammed him down in the chair beside Konan. It squealed and made a crunch noise but amazingly, didn't collapse into a million pieces of plastic.
Kakuzu went back to his seat and Sasori straightened up, brushing back his messy locks and fuming at him. If he tried anything, Konan was prepared with her skin peeling back into white sheets to inflict painful paper cuts. Thankfully, he just slumped in his chair with his arms crossed and split bottom lip puckered.
Now that everything was said and done, Sir Leader cleared his throat to start again. "As I was saying, thank you everyone for being here today. What I want to speak to you all about is the Akatsuki: what we are, the future of this organization and our ultimate goal."
"We're a mercenary group that works for shit money but goen to make millions so we can afford fucken food?" Sasori guessed aloud, sarcasm dripping from his tone.
"Hush!" Konan scolded him, pressing a finger to her painted lips but Sir Leader laid a hand on her shoulder to pacify his partner.
"No, he is partially correct. The Akatsuki is a mercenary group and we do accept assignments for little money. While it has handicapped us finically, our name has spread throughout the nations and we've been contacted directly by Kages to take missions or fight in the Third War on their behalf. Now that've we've garnered their trust, we're going to gradually increase our prices while remaining below that of our competitors. Eventually, they'll be driven out of business and the countries will be dependent on the Akatsuki for their missions."
"So, in twenty years, we'll be making millions?" Kakuzu asked, summarizing what Sasori said and fighting not to say it sarcastically also though it was implied.
"Yes, because it twenty years, we'll be creating wars to capitalize on."
"How so?"
"Using the Bijuu." The air was sucked out the room leaving behind a strangling sensation in everyone's chest. It was so casually said too like he was mentioning the weather and not the tailed beasts that had been terrorized the world for the past thousand years.
Zetsu, lost on everything said so far, tugged on Kakuzu's sleeve. "What's a Bijuu?" She asked him quietly. He hushed her, patting her head and telling he'd explain it to her later to which she huffed. He never explained anything later.
"Are you fucken insane?" Sasori yowled, sitting up now and punching his fists on the table. "The fucken Bijuu?"
"What are you expecting us to do, catch the Bijuu as if they were butterflies?" Kakuzu questioned next in disbelief. "Then once we do have them, how the hell do you except us to control them? They're own Jinchuuriki cannot control them."
"The hows and whys shall be answered at a later date. The capture and weaponization of the Bijuu is the second part of the Akatsuki's ultimate goal. Currently, we are in part one: obtain enough money to support the organization. So, do not concern yourself with the then, but the now."
"I don't wanna be in this fucken organization until 'then'." Sasori mumbled, folding his arms on the table and burrowing his face in them.
Even Kakuzu found himself a bit overwhelmed. He had joined the Akatsuki after being approached by Sir Leader for the easy—but little—money. If he had known that sometime down the line the organization was going to be snagging up the nine Bijuu, he would've laughed. While using them as WOMDs for wars was brilliant though taboo, he couldn't help but be curious how the hell Sir Leader expected to rule demonic creatures so uncontrollable and destructive they required being jailed inside human prisons to prevent them from ending the world.
"I understand such a goal is preposterous for a mercenary group," Sir Leader said, it being the understatement of eternity. "But it'll be the greater good."
Sasori snorted crudely. "Greater good?"
Kakuzu shook his head at the farfetched motive and Zetsu just stared, trying her best to understand what was happening but failing.
"Like I said, that is going to be 'then'. For the 'now', we require funds. Currently, we have five members separated into two groups, that being Konan and I, then Kakuzu, Sasori and Zetsu. This is a poor business practice if we want to maximum our profits with our low prices. So, we'll be hiring new members and dividing everyone up into partnerships; a partnership will consist of two members functioning together. Each partnership will be responsible for taking out their own missions and enable more missions to be done at a single time."
"If you want more missions done, why not let us do them by ourselves?" Sasori asked, bringing up a legitimate question.
"It's for safety and effectivity. It is too dangerous to send a member on a mission by themselves in case of injury or death. When partnered, two members can protect each other in battle and finish missions more efficiently than one member can. Only one member is going to be functioning by themselves." As Sir Leader said that, Kakuzu caught the quick glimpse he stole in Zetsu's direction.
"Can we afford new members?" Kakuzu brought up, arms crossed.
"You can decide that for yourself as, starting today, you are the Akatsuki's treasurer." Sir Leader casually mentioned. "Can I trust you with the organization's funds?"
"Damn right." Kakuzu grunted. Finally, the recognition he deserved, and he'd be doing the two things he did best: making money and handling money. It'd be like his prison days again.
Sir Leader turned to Sasori next. "Sasori, what do you think of intelligence gathering? You must have experience with it, having fought in the Third World War, correct?"
"If you mean brainwashen Konoha pommies an' senden them back to spy an' kill their own mates? Then yes." Sasori gave him the most pretentious smirk.
"So, would you be interested?"
He shrugged. "Sure. I'm great at manipulaten people an' getten what I want." Kakuzu and Konan gifted him the flattest stare. Talk about the understatement of the year.
"Alright then, next, I'd like to discuss the next important topic of this meeting: the organization's uniform. It'll be a black cloak decorated with the Akatsuki's symbol: red clouds, and your choice of one of three outfits. You are required to wear this uniform on mission so clients can identify you as being with the organization. Also, each member is going to be given a ring and required to paint their nails…"
"Excuse me?"
"Whaaat!?" Sasori exclaimed, grabbing his hair in a dramatic display. "You tryen to turn us into fruitcakes or somethen!?"
"No, I am not. The…"
"I am not wearing nail polish." Kakuzu established firmly.
"An' I ain't wearen jewelry!"
Sir Leader opened his mouth to try and speak again when Konan, who had stayed mum during the meeting thus far, spoke up for him. "Would you kindly shut up so he can explain!?" She barked at the two males, stealing her partner's trademark line. Instantly, it went quiet as both misogynists glared at her for speaking to them like that. Zetsu sank into her chair, disliking the woman's yelling despite it not being pinpointed at her.
"As I was trying to say," Sir Leader sighed and massaged his temples, the continuous interruptions and shouting plaguing him with the beginning signs of a headache. "Each has an individual importance; it is not for fashion. The rings will signify one's membership to the Akatsuki. It has a second function also, but that'll be explained at a later date. The nail polish also signifies one's membership and depending on the colour chosen, will have a secret phrase associated with it. This will prevent intruders from entering Amegakure if a member is mimicked physically through a jutsu, as they'll be asked the code which their nail colour represents and a doppelganger will have no such knowledge."
"Can't you just give us the codes without us having to paint our nails?" Kakuzu asked.
Sir Leader stared at him and unblinking, said, "No." Kakuzu just sighed and turned his head away, realizing he could argue until he was blue in the face but in the end, he wouldn't win.
"Hmm, I believe that to be everything. Does anyone have any questions before this meeting is concluded?" Sasori raised his hand. "Yes, Sasori?"
"Are we goen to be fucken paid or what?" He inquired, bluntly.
"Yes. For each mission successfully completed, the Akatsuki shall take eighty percent of the profits and the team responsible of the mission shall earn twenty percent. That'll then be split in half between partners ten and ten."
"What!? That ain't enough to eat off of!"
"Yes, it is," Kakuzu parenthesized. "Example: if you and your partner finish an assassination mission which paid out one-hundred thousand ryō, then twenty percent of that is twenty-thousand and you and your partner get ten-thousand each. That's plenty to feed yourself for the week if you don't waste it on junk food." The last sentence was a slight in reference to the incident today.
Sasori caught onto it. "Fuck you an' your damn math lesson." He snarled through gritted teeth.
"Any other questions?" Zetsu's hand flew up with such suddenness that it made Kakuzu flinch.
"Yes, hunny?" Konan asked her in a sweet manner.
"Why is there seven Sir Leaders?" She parroted the question she had asked Kakuzu earlier then unintentionally but rudely pointed at Sir Leader.
Konan stiffened up, face plastered into a horror-struck expression like the girl had asked the colour of her underwear and Kakuzu felt mortified for her. He was going to berate Zetsu for asking such an outlandish question and pointing, which he slapped her hand down, when Sir Leader stepped in. Of everyone, he should be the one angered, being put on the spot like that, but he wasn't.
"There is not seven of me, but I understand why you might think that, given your sensitivity to chakra due to the Mayfly. What you're sensing is the rain which is infused with chakra. It might be what is confusing you." It was such a simplistic yet suspicious explanation, especially when Konan uttered a quiet sigh and her shoulders dropped like an invisible weight had been lifted off them. That, and it conflicted with what was said earlier about the rain. Kakuzu smelt bullshit but said nothing. "Anything else?"
"Umm…what's a Bijuu?"
"It's a tailed beast. Anything else?"
Finally, Zetsu lowered her hand, shaking her head, her lips downturned into a frown. She wasn't too satisfied with the answers she received but she didn't want to get in trouble by asking too many questions. Sir didn't like it when she did that and she didn't think Sir Leader would either.
"Does anyone else have a question?" He gave it a few seconds during which no one said anything. "Perfect. Now Konan, would you kindly give everyone their rings?"
Konan stood up and from the front pocket of her cloak, produced a wooden box. She opened it and plucked one of the rings from it, then turned to Sasori, holding it out to him. He accepted it and held it up in the light as he examined it with a disgusted expression. She then rounded the table and fetched another ring from the box that she handed to Kakuzu. He analyzed his also. It was polished silver with a dark green emblem in the middle marked "hoku". He wasn't into jewelry, but it wasn't too hideous. That didn't mean he liked it though.
Sir Leader explained. "Sasori, your ring is "gyoku" and is to be worn on your left thumb. Kakuzu, yours is "hoku" and on your left middle finger."
"What the fuck does that mean an' why do we have to wear them on specific fingers?" Sasori demanded, jabbing the ring onto his thumb and holding out his hand as he considered it.
"That'll be explained at a later time."
"Which ring is Zetsu to be given?" Konan asked her partner, now facing Zetsu who was bouncing in her chair as she eagerly anticipated the piece of jewelry.
"Zetsu isn't receiving a ring but she is not a member of the Akatsuki yet."
"What?" Kakuzu and Konan asked in unison.
"While she has made a lot of progress from what I have personally witnessed and she had hold her own in a fight, but I do not believe she is yet prepared to be declared a member." Sir Leader clarified, shuffling in his seat from the death glare he was subject of from the blue-haired woman.
"Why not? You said she's made process and can fight." She challenged him.
"Yes, that I did. Kakuzu, how is process with the Mayfly?"
"Err…" Kakuzu muttered. "It's been temporarily put on hold." His answer, or rather, lack thereof, was enough for Sir Leader.
"Until Zetsu has mastered the Mayfly, I cannot grant her membership to the organization. My apologies, Konan."
Konan frowned but understood so she didn't attempt to dispute it. Instead, she stared down at Zetsu and smiled sadly. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but you'll have to wait a little longer, ok?" Zetsu frowned back, more upset she wouldn't be getting a shiny ring then not being a member.
"Konan is going to take your measurements for your new uniforms then you are dismissed." Sir Leader stood up, bowing and turned his back to take his leave but paused. "Oh yes, and one last thing. You three shall be the pioneering members of the Akatsuki, therefore I grant you permission to call me either Sir Leader or Pein."
"Pein?" Kakuzu inquired curiously.
Sir Leader, or Pein, nodded. "Yes, that is my name. Consider it an honour."
Sasori gave a spitting laugh. "Pein? What, like penis?" Kakuzu unexpectedly snorted then cleared his throat to hide his snickering. He wasn't laughing for long when Zetsu predictably turned to him and asked him with a penis was.
Pein turned his head, delivering the teenager a melancholy look due to the filthy pun of his name. On the other hand, Konan had finally been pushed to her breaking point with the boy's behaviour and unleashed her paper jutsu on him, her outstretched arms turning white and the skin peeling off into paper sheets that folded them into origami shapes. Sasori fell backwards in his chair, squealing and thrashing on the ground as he was stung by an angry swarm of paper bees.
It was now that Pein took his leave, decided to lay down for an hour to nurse his headache and question his life choices.
After everything was said and done, like promised to Sasori, they went out to eat at a five-star restaurant. However, Sasori wasn't too pleased when the "restaurant" turned out to be a five-star rated burger joint and when he tried complaining, both adults stared him down and told him, "you said five-stars".
Meanwhile, Zetsu got a chocolate milkshake and toy and was as happy as could be, getting over the fact she hadn't gotten a pretty ring too.
…
AN: Phew, it's been a bit since I wrote such a long chapter and I did it in record time too! Like, two weeks since the last chapter. Sorry if this was an exposition dump but I had to get this chapter out, establishing how everything function with Amegakure and the Akatsuki. Also, I got a bit of humour and fluff in it, so I'm satisfied. Next chapter is going to exposition too but oof, after it we're going to be going back into dark territory. I'm just going to say, enjoy Zetsu's innocence while it lasts because its going to be shattered in upcoming chapters in more ways than one.
Big chapter, no BETA. Apologies.
Next Chapter: Everyone adjusts to their new life in the Akatsuki.
Until Next Time.