AN: This is going to be a filler/fight chapter. Joy oh joy how I love to write the fight scenes, ugh. But I'm getting better and will continue to get better. . .because I have too, haha.

Cat Beats: Phew, glad to hear because sometimes, I fear I may be taking the character too far from canon but I'm not changing canon itself. He's still going to bloodthirsty brute that loves fighting. Just also a ladies' man. Yeah, Zetsu is going to be a little in the background in upcoming chapters since it's going to be focused more on the other members and developing the Akatsuki. But I'm trying to even out how much screentime every member gets since there's going to be a lot more characters. Tbh, I thought the Akatsuki was not strong enough. But maybe that's because they all got their asses kicked by children. Ugh. Thanks for your review once again! I always love reading them and hearing your input.

p.s. no beta, too lazy to edit. Please excuse any jank.

Warning(s): Violence (High), Genderbend (Mid), Language (Mid), Out of Character

…

Wasteland

The Akatsuki Arc

Chapter 57

It didn't take long after Kisame was drafted into the Akatsuki for Zetsu to warm up to him. Maybe it was because he was funny or kind or interesting or all of the above. Whatever it was, he and she became overnight friends and begun spending a lot of time together. Like, a lot of time together. Kakuzu observed this change too.

All of a sudden, he went from seeing Zetsu once a day, either for a meal or sparring, to seeing her once a week, if he were so lucky. Whatever he did, he'd ask her if she'd like to train or have dinner with him, just like they always did but everytime, it was either, "oh, I've already trained with Kisame" this or "oh, I had lunch with Kisame" that, then the promise she'd catch up with him later, but she didn't, she never did. Either because she forgot or again, she was too occupied with Kisame. He couldn't even depend on spending time with her on missions because Pein went back to sending her on solo missions in preparation of pairing Kakuzu and Kisame up. Kakuzu felt like he had gone from her most important person to a stranger—and he didn't like it. He wasn't quiet on it either.

He started sending letters to Yui in mass, ranting and raving about Kisame and this new fascination Zetsu had with him. So many letters in fact that he had to send Daora with a literal mailbag to deliver them all. Yui, to her credit, matched his flurry of letters with her own and in them, she sympathized a lot with him, saying no father liked his daughter's male friends (he knew she used that purposely to tease him because he hated any implications of father-daughter relationship between him and Zetsu) and she herself was sad because Zetsu didn't come see her anymore. That only succeeded in giving Kakuzu a new reason to hate Kisame.

However, her empathies ended there as she then went on to remind Kakuzu that Zetsu wasn't a little girl anymore and could make her own decisions, with or without him and he again, he didn't like that. So, he decided to get a second opinion —or instead, a third opinion.

"Who does this bastard think he is? Coming in like he owns the fucking place? And Zetsu?!"

"Uh huh," Konan hummed stoically as she was currently invested in her sewing of said bastard's cloak.

"Such bullshit!" Kakuzu fumed, having spent the last half-an-hour ranting and raving to the woman whilst pacing back and fro through her room which he barged into without so much as a knock. It was surprise he hadn't indented the hardwood floor with his marching around.

"Kakuzu, if I may," She said once she got to a stopping point in her stitchery and turned in her chair to face the huffing elder, crossing her arms with a leg slung over her knee. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were speaking of a sixteen-year-old girl, not a twenty-three-year-old woman. Zetsu is an adult, and she can make her own friends, with or without your blessing,"

He snorted dismissively. "You sound just like Yui," He said, despite the fact the bluette hadn't a clue who that was. "I understand she's an adult, but I don't trust her with that mermaid fucker,"

"Kakuzu!" She snapped at him for the egregious slur. She herself may have not yet warmed up to the Akatsuki's newest member but she wasn't going to sit by and let him be so openly discriminated against, ningyo or otherwise. Neither would she with Orochimaru. "I understand you don't trust him, but you trust Zetsu, yes? So why not now?"

"She may be an adult, but she doesn't know any better! She's too immature,"

"Oh please. I'd say she's one the more mature ones out of us all. Especially Sasori. I think know exactly what is going on," There was a bang on her wall which she ignored.

Kakuzu looked at her dubiously. "Do you now?"

Konan nodded, plucking up her mug from her desk. "I think you're upset because you don't like the fact that Zetsu isn't a little girl anymore and you aren't the only person in her world now, but that's none of my business," She sampled her tea.

"Bullshit!"

"Maybe but let me ask you this, would you be this upset if she was friends with a woman?" When he didn't have an instant reply to that hypothetical, that in itself was all the answer she needed. "You're jealous,"

"I am not jealous!" He immediately roared, loud enough the entire manor may've heard him. Sasori definitely did and since he and Konan shared a wall (which was nightmarish as it sounded even before he and Orochimaru got "involved" with each other), the redhead banged on it with a yell of, "shut the fuck up!". Konan sighed and sipped her tea again, wishing it marvelously became alcohol.

"Yes, you are, whether you like to say so or not, and you have to understand that Zetsu is an adult now and doesn't need you holding her hand anymore,"

"I'm not holding her hand; I'm just making sure she's safe! I don't trust her with that bastard,"

"Sure, sure," Konan waved him off, deciding herself finished with this conversation as she whirled herself back to her desk and whatelse Kakuzu may've said was muffled by the loud pumping of her industrial sewing machine.

Getting the hint, Kakuzu left with a huff.

…

After his failure of a talk with Konan, whom he incorrectly thought would've sympathized with him due to her being Zetsu's other guardian, the plight with Zetsu and Kisame didn't get any better for Kakuzu. In fact, he started to fear that was because something else may be going on between them—something deeper. If it was, well then, Zetsu wasn't talking to Kakuzu about it. Due to this, he decided to take matters into his own hands and by now, it was desperate measures.

One day, after making sure Zetsu had left with Kisame to their morning training regime like they did everyday (like she did with Kakuzu, once upon a time), Kakuzu snuck into her bedroom.

He hadn't been inside her bedroom for a long while since Zetsu generally visited his bedroom instead (or used to), so he was surprised to see it looked exactly like it did last he saw it. It had a cute patchwork aesthetic between mature and childish with notes and handmade posters tacked on the walls related to history and literature while there was a mound of animal plushies in the corner by her bed, four of which sat on her mattress and were drafted off Kakuzu's masks and sewn by Yui, gifted to Zetsu on her nineteenth birthday.

Making a beeline for her desk, after a moment of searching, he found what he was looking for: Zetsu's diary.

Kakuzu knew reading it was a huge violation of the woman's privacy and if she learned what did it, she may never trust him again, but he just wanted to know if her sudden obsession with Kisame was as innocent as he prayed it to be. He just wanted to protect her, that's what he contracted to do by Pein! Didn't matter to him that contract was made back when she was child with the mental capacity of a toddler.

Sitting down at her desk, he thumbed through the pages dating weeks back until landing on an entry the day of Kisame's employment into the Akatsuki and read from there. It started off innocent enough with Zetsu illustrating the mission and Hoshigaki Kisame himself, stating how intimidated she initially was of him due to his delinquent background and gigantic size but described him as a "gentle giant". From there, Kakuzu read the progressing of their friendship starting with Kisame questioning Zetsu on the Akatsuki and its members then him inviting her to train with him and then meals and so on and so on. Just pages on pages, entries on entries of just Zetsu spending time with Kisame with the odd mission peppered in between. There were mentions to Kakuzu too with Zetsu saying how guilty she felt that she hadn't been spending as much time with him as she once did, but Kisame was always the first to ask her to spar or to breakfast and she was too timid to deny him. It gave Kakuzu the impression the bastard was doing it on purpose to put a wedge between the teacher and student. It was then, the third to last entry that confirmed all that he suspected and frankly, feared.

It started off like all the others with Zetsu spending the morning with Kisame who was bestowing her with the syrupy of praise from her skills to her looks like he always did. However, she noticed it moreso that day and decided to go to Konan to discuss. Not Kakuzu—Konan!

…Konan implied maybe it's due to Kisame liking me. I don't understand what there is to like, though. I'm nothing special and he's only known me for a limited time. That isn't to say I don't like him too. I do—a lot. I don't want to assume he does like me too. Just because he compliments me may mean nothing outside him being a nice person. He compliments Orochimaru too and Konan, and they're much prettier than I am… Wrong. Kakuzu never knew Zetsu thought so negatively about herself. He'd have to talk to her about that later, if he ever had the chance.

Second to last entry:

I thought a lot about what Konan said yesterday. I didn't want to interrogate Kisame on if he likes me or not, so I asked him why he liked spending so much time with me. He went on to say because I was a great conversation and training partner. I don't know why but I just blurted out that I liked him too. He stared at me and then laughed. I was mortified. He wasn't laughing at me, though, but because he said was glad to hear it because he liked me too. I don't know where this leaves us. I've never liked anyone like this before. I don't know what to do now. So, I left it and he didn't say anything further…

Last entry:

…I cracked. I asked Kisame if he thought us friends. He said yes but said we could also be something else. I don't know what I want. He must've noticed my hesitation because he tacked on that we could take things slow as not to make it awkward. I like that. After we finished training, he hugged me. We were sweaty and smelt but it was amazing…

And that's all Kakuzu needed to read, or instead, could stand to read. He couldn't believe not only had Zetsu kept all this a secret from him, but she had romantic feelings for Kisame! No, she didn't. Kisame was manipulating her into thinking she did, and Konan wasn't helping matters either. She didn't know any better. Like she wrote herself, she hadn't experience with this and so was lost and confused. Kakuzu wasn't going to stand for it!

Pushing the diary back into the drawer, he marched out of her bedroom before Zetsu returned and caught his spying; back to his bedroom where he stewed and schemed on what to do. He had to do something before Kisame had an opportunity to brainwash Zetsu any further.

Later that night, Zetsu and Sasori loudly got into it with Zetsu accusing the puppeteer of having snuck into her bedroom and read her diary again. Sasori, of course, yelled back he hadn't read her "pathetic lil' dribblings". It turned physical with Orochimaru unfortunately caught in the middle as she tried breaking them apart before it got bad—for Sasori, that is. Kakuzu didn't step in to help or tell Zetsu it was him that was in her room, nor would he ever.

…

Days later, Pein called Kakuzu and Kisame to his office for their first official mission as "partners".

Kakuzu, obviously, was not pleased while Kisame was just happy to get out of the manor after so long and back out there. It was a cut-and-dry assassination mission in the Firelands, and they headed out immediately.

It was dead silence on the walk there with a tension between the two men that could be cut with a knife and Kisame, being the social butterfly he was, for once stayed mum. Only questioning Kakuzu on the specifics of the mission and once to inquire of Daora when Kakuzu summoned her to track their target. He talked a little of Samehada in comparison but shut up when it was obvious Kakuzu wasn't interested nor gave a damn.

The mission itself went remarkably…perfect. Kisame lived up to his namesake of the "Tailless Tailed Beast" and was one to be reckoned with. In seconds, he succeeded to sundering their mark into ribbons with the Samehada with the exception of his face for identification that even Kakuzu himself had to begrudgingly give him credit. However, that is as far as his generosity extended.

After dumping the bounty at the collection's office then going to the bank to deposit the payout, they walked back to Amegakure. The hostility between the "partners" hadn't gotten any better. In fact, it had worsened as Kakuzu had been left to stew over the information of the secret between Kisame and Zetsu over the past day or two. So much so, every second he grew angrier and angrier at the thought of it until he was feverish with rage. Kisame must've sensed this because the next millisecond when Kakuzu all of a sudden thrusted his fist at his face, he had drawn Samehada, using the sword to counter the punch as her scales punctured through her bandaging to cleave the banker's fist. Kakuzu, however, had triggered his Doton so the scales harmlessly brushed his hand. He leapt backwards with Kisame mimicking him, so they were stood on either side of the dusty path they had been walking.

"Woah! What that for, Mr. Kakuzu?" Kisame obviously asked, setting Samehada back in her holster but didn't let go of her helve, just in case.

"You know exactly what that was for, you motherfucker!" Kakuzu snarled back, much to Kisame's bewilderment because no, he did not know what that was for outside past grudges. "You stay away from Zetsu!"

"Zetsu?" Kisame uttered, as if oblivious on who he was speaking of before saying, "Oh! Yes, she said you may be a lil' jealous of us hangin' out so much. I mean nothin' by it, though."

"Bullshit! You've brainwashed her into thinking she has feelings for you!"

"Wha—ohhh, so she told you about that then? I mean, I like her too. Hard not to!" That's all the confirmation Kakuzu needed and he neither confirmed nor denied Zetsu in fact being his source.

Kisame didn't even flinch as there was an explosion as a tree next to him detonated into wooden shrapnel and smoke all of a sudden. The cause of the invisible air bullet being Daora who had her head poking out from Kakuzu's collar with mask open and a little whirlwind swirling inside her beak, prepared to launch her next attack—and not miss. "We're doin' this then?" Again, Kakuzu said nothing, not he had to as his answer was obvious.

Taking that as a "yes", smirking, Kisame drew his hand back and after grasping Samehada's handgrip again, hauled the gargantuan sword over his head. The heaviness of her caused her to smash downward into the ground, making the earth quake and casting a cloud of dust. After tugging at the bandages, they fell off and revealed the sword not to be…well, a sword, but a weapon made up of blue, blade-like scales with a large, gaping mouth lined with rows of teeth. The Samehada smiled at Kakuzu.

"This is Samehada, and she doesn't slice, she shreds!" Kisame acquainted while petting her scales affectionately and the weapon uttered a noise which could almost be translated into…purring? Kakuzu narrowed his eyes in an expression which may illustrate disgust, but it was impossible to translate with his mask on.

Daora slithered back under his cloak and in her place, her twin sibling Teo clawed himself out. Leaping off Kakuzu's shoulder, the fire mask landed onto his paws next to him and sat himself down obediently. Amatsu bumbled out next, crumpling out onto the ground and dragging herself to Kakuzu's other side. All while Kisame observed in silence, curious to what the other man was up to but tickled pink, nonetheless. He had been itching for a fight, a real fight. In the next second, Kakuzu was on him.

Using Samehada, Kisame countered the punch focused on his face. Her scales didn't even graze Kakuzu's brass skin. As punch after punch was laid into the sword, Kisame stole a glimpse at the two chimeras lying in wait only to find they hadn't moved an inch from their positions as they watched on. One even looked to be asleep. It made Kisame question Kakuzu's intentions with them, but he'd fret about that later. For now, it was just he and him, one-on-one, mano a mano! Just it was last time.

Swinging Samehada backhanded, Kisame succeeded in launching Kakuzu off him while leaping back himself to create breathing room between them. However, he hadn't the time to take in a breath when Kakuzu ran at him again. Lifting Samehada again, Kisame braced himself for the impact which wasn't a love tap by no means as the elder hammered his fists into the shark-skin sword again. This time something was different, though.

As the strength of the hits pushed Kisame back, his footing slipped, and he nearly lost his balance but succeeded to stay standing. The ground felt slippery under his sandals and when he stole a glimpse downwards, there was a glittering liquid blanketing the dirt. It looked like…soap? But how was that to be? Whatever it was, it was making it hard to keep balance. With one last punch, Kakuzu sent Kisame skating backwards through the sparkling fluid until slowing to a stop after several meters. As the ningyo recovered, his beady eyes were drawn in the background again and there he saw the source of the mysterious suds.

One of Kakuzu's masks, the blue one, was dribbling water from its beak while the red one was rolling around in the liquid, much like a dog, and making it to foam up into bubbles. So that was the cause of the soap. It was going to be difficult to fight with this environmental hazard present. So, with the intention of casting a suiton, Kisame streaked through the necessary handsigns but before he could exhale the torrent, Kakuzu was marching on him again; a hollow thudding of metal as his feet were solidified using his earth jutsu so he himself did not slip in the lather. Kisame abandoned the jutsu in favour of picking Samehada up again just as a punch was thrusted at him. In the split second Kakuzu was between attacks, Kisame spewed his water jutsu, washing away the soap and bathing Kakuzu in the intense spray.

Suiton: Water Bullet!

Whilst it failed to sweep Kakuzu away due to his density from the Doton, Amatsu and Teo were caught in the current. Amatsu turned over onto her belly as she rode the waves while Teo, having an inherent dislike for water due to his fire element, yelped and scrambled onto her back.

All of a sudden, Samehada was being slashed through the wall of water. As Kakuzu lifted his arm up to take the hit, Kisame used his free hand to nail him in the ribcage with a sucker punch. It sent the banker back a step and as Kisame went in to shred him with Samehada, in his peripheral vision, he saw an object heading towards him. It was…a bubble? A bubble that may've been leftover from the soap but as it harmlessly floated near his head, he noticed the flame flickering inside and by then it was too late. It exploded, grilling his blue skin with the smell of cooked fish. As Kisame instinctively jerked back his burned face, Kakuzu whacked him in the gut with his fist as payback.

Using the soap-like liquid, Amatsu had spread it between her spindly fingers while Teo breathed little lights of fires through them, making the bubbles. Kisame divided himself by jumping back but didn't have the opportunity to heal himself as more of the explosive bubbles glided his way. Once making direct contact with anything, it triggered them to erupt, even the ground. So, using Samehada, he bashed through them then used the living weapon to absorb the blast as they all went off like a chain reaction. Much like Kisame did, through the fire and dust, Kakuzu charged in for a surprise attack.

However, Kisame had anticipated this and had a water jutsu at the ready which he gushed at the other man. Unfortunately, Kakuzu had expected this too and braced himself with his Doton once again. Since his Suiton could do nothing to it, Kisame ceased the downpour but not before there a sudden and unexpected steam explosion. Boiling hot water splashed him and Samehada who bawled in pain as the water succeeded in even burning her steel sharp scales. As Kisame dropped his sizzling arm which he had used to shield his face, he saw Kakuzu was missing and in his place, one of his pets. Except, this one wasn't one which Kisame up-to-date with, and yet, it was so familiar.

This new beast was quadrupedal but headless with hand-like extensions extruding from its back, each finger glowing red hot. On one shoulder was the fire mask while the air mask was on the other. Out from a treeline walked Kakuzu, having let himself be washed away to a safe distance using a water clone. He had also used it to withdraw Amatsu in favour of Daora. Afterall, Teo and Daora were treated as twins for a reason.

"Phalx," He said calmly. Phalx, as it was so christened, let out an ear-splitting scream.

It gnarled its extremities backwards where white-hot fire spewed out, revealing them not to be extra hands but thrusters—then much like a rocket, it launched itself at Kisame at a speed parallel to that of light. It wasn't even a blink that it slammed into him. In that split second, he managed to get Samehada between him and the hearts, but it was no use.

Instantly, he was picked up off his feet and sent barreling through tree after tree. It must've been the length of a mile he was smashing through the foliage until Phalx's turbines flickered out and it ambled to a standstill. Kisame's body, meanwhile, tumbled bonelessly for meters more until mercifully, gravity put a stop to his course. After laying facedown in the dirt for a moment, weakly he pushed himself onto his back and grunted. That was a mistake since several if not all of his ribs were broken. Maybe his pelvis too.

"Ok…I ain't gonna lie. That one hurt," He cackled to himself, turning his head to cough up blood from his lungs which were peppered with the bone shrapnel of his own ribs.

With Samehada still in hand, he squeezed her bandaged hilt and in reply, she pumped him with chakra erstwhile embezzled from old enemies. In seconds, each and every bruise and crushed bone was healed like new. As he sat up, Phalx squawked at him, but the swordsman picked up his hands in surrender to communicate he wasn't going to do anything. Instead, he leant himself against a bisected tree trunk and waited patiently until Kakuzu came to investigate.

"You good?" Kisame asked the other man once he walked into crash site. "Do you feel better?"

Saying nothing, Kakuzu treaded over to the fallen ningyo and leaning over, he grabbed the collar of his cloak, so they were face-to-face. "Stay away from Zetsu!"

Keeping his hands up, Kisame nodded. "Consider it done, man," Satisfied, he let him go and left his "partner" as he walked away.

Whistling at Phalx, the hearts pulled themselves apart back into Teo and Daora. After shaking themselves off, they skittered around their master and rubbed against his legs affectionately to get pets for such a job well done.

"Damn, talk about an overprotective daddy," Kisame uttered to him with a pleasant huff before pushing himself back to his feet to follow after Kakuzu, making sure to keep a respectable distance between himself and the grumpy old man.

As of now, it left them at a draw.

…

AN: Chapter complete! I was hella hesitant on this one just due to the fact it was a fight between Kakuzu and Kisame so I had to do a lotta research to make sure it was feasible that Kakuzu could win against Kisame in a fight of jutsu. I just went off canon information. Also, I wanted to incorporate the fusion of Kakuzu's hearts like in canon but with a twist and by fusing their elements. Overall, even if it isn't too accurate, I'm satisfied. I better get good at it because a lotta fight scenes coming up, ugh. But, until then, we got drama! Ho boi.

Chapter Fun Fact(s): Phalx is a reference to Valphalk, the Sky Comet Elder Dragon from Monster Hunter.

Next Chapter: Confrontation.

Until Next Time.