AN: This is going to be a filler chapter. Sorry sorry, but gotta have them every once and awhile, if just to build plot and character. It'll be over quick, I promise. Then we can get back to the Akatsuki! With a new member next chapter.

Cat Beats: You're so true. Because of the Akatsuki won, like they should've, it'd be called good writing. It'd be interesting, in the least. But I digress. If I liked the canon, I wouldn't be writing this fanfic! Haha.

magmo22: Never apologize! I'm just glad to hear from you again and I'm sorry life is so hellish for you. Here's praying it gets better. But yes, I love Papa Kakuzu too. So, you'll like this chapter, I think.

p.s. no beta, too lazy to edit. Please excuse any jank.

Warning(s): Genderbend (Mid), Language (Mid), Out of Character

…

Wasteland

The Akatsuki Arc

Chapter 58

Once Kisame came from his first mission with Kakuzu, Zetsu knew something was wrong.

Without explanation, they went from seeing each other every day—once, twice, even three times to nothing. In the beginning, she thought because he was too busy with being an Akatsuki member now and getting used to the rhythm of it, so she gave him space. After a week of no communication though, not even so much as a greeting or glance in her direction, she got worried. Immediately, her thoughts went onto what she did wrong to displease him.

Had she said something wrong? Was she not as skillful a sparring partner as he claimed her to be? Was it…oh no, was it the confession? It must've been! She had said she liked him before he went on that mission. It must've given him the time to think on it and realize he didn't like her back that way. Yes, that must be it! She couldn't think of any other explanation as to why he was avoiding her like he was, and he was avoiding her. That is because she had seen him interacting with the other members of the Akatsuki just fine (minus Kakuzu) except her. She must've made him feel so awkward, especially since they just met. She had to apologize to him, to take it back. He was the only person she considered a friend in the organization, and she didn't want to lose that over schoolgirl feelings. So, she decided to confront him.

Like everyone else, Kisame had a schedule. Everything he did was at a designated time, including when he got up to train. So, she waited until he got up the next morning. She'll be truthful in saying she was so nervous about speaking with him that she didn't rest much that night, if at all so she didn't sleep in. Instead, staying up and occupying herself with her writings and reading. As forecasted, at five o'clock in the morning on the dot, she heard a door being opened outside her bedroom. Instantly, she was up from her desk and pushed her door open also just in time to see Kisame walking by with Samehada buckled to his back.

"Kisame!"

Kisame flinched at the unexpected callout and blinking, turned to see Zetsu sprinting down the hallway towards him. "O-Oh, hello, Ms. Zetsu. Umm…what're you doing up so early, hmm?" It was a dumb question, and he knew it since she was always up at this time. Mainly because he was.

"I…why are you avoiding me?" She decided to do as Kakuzu's favourite idiom blend said, "no bullshitting around the bush".

"Ohhh? I'm not avoiding you. I've just been…busy," He scratched the back of his head awkwardly whilst beady black eyes looked elsewhere from the woman, likely searching for an escape.

It was a lie. She knew this because she knew his order of business but also because she sensed the transgressions in his chakra. A fact she wasn't quiet on it either. "You're lying,"

"Wha? I'm not lyin', Ms. Zetsu, I—"

"Yes, you are!" She rigidly disputed, rare for the likes of the ordinarily meek woman who avoided conflict like the plague. But, at the same time, when it found her, she wasn't afraid to fight back. "Why? Have I done something to upset you?"

"Wha? No! Wh—"

"I-Is is because I said I liked you?! Be-because I didn't mean it! I was just—" She couldn't finish her thought because she didn't know whatelse to say. She always was bad at lying which was starting to seem like a bad thing.

She had expected that to be why and to have Kisame agree because she couldn't think of any other reason but to her surprised, he shook his head doggedly. "Don't say that 'cause I know you don't mean it. It has nothin' to do with that, trust me,"

"Then what is it?" She all but pleaded him. She just wanted—no, needed to know so if it was something she could improve, she wanted to do so. That way, there wasn't another misunderstanding like this.

For a moment, it didn't look like Kisame was going to give as he dillydallied, crossing his arms, uncrossing his arms, putting his hands on his hips, dropping his hands, cracking his jaw, and clicking his tongue. For whatever reason, he didn't want to tell her and she was about to give up the ghost and just leave it when the swordsman sighed, as if out of defeat. "Mr. Kakuzu doesn't like me spendin' so much time with you," He finally professed.

Zetsu blinked. Of all the cases why, not once did she think it had anything to do with Kakuzu as she was so prepared to blame herself. "And he told you this?" While she knew Kakuzu did not favour Kisame, she didn't expect him to say anything about it. At least, not without speaking to her first.

Again, Kisame itched the back of his head in unconscious style. It was a question how he hadn't scratched down to his skull. "Not so much said as much as, hmm…yelled it? He wasn't happy you told him that you liked me,"

Pause. "I never told him I liked you,"

It was Kisame's turn to blink at her now. "You didn't?" She shook her head to confirm. "Hmm, I sure as hell didn't,"

"Then how did he—?" Zetsu was in the middle of saying before all of a sudden falling quiet, very, very quiet with a dead stare. It succeeded in frightening the ningyo who thought he may've said something to upset her. Oh, how the turns tabled. Then, like a switch, she flipped back to her poker-face as she looked to him, even offering him a little yet pushed smile. "Well, I'm just glad to hear it was nothing I've done to upset you,"

"You? Oh no. I just want no trouble with Mr. Kakuzu or the likes since I'm new blood, y'know? Just tryin' to keep the peace. I shouldn't have cut you off without talkin' you though and for that, I apologize," It was sincere, she could tell without having to read his chakra. He was just the nicest man—person she ever met outside maybe Konan.

Her smile became a little lighter, pure. "Do not apologize. I'm going to speak to Si—Kakuzu about this. Afterward, would it maybe be ok if we had lunch?"

"Sure, sure! Why don't we go out for lunch? My treat for worryin' you like this,"

"It's a deal,"

Once Kisame left for his morning training, immediately, Zetsu swiveled on her heel and marched to Kakuzu's bedroom. He often was up at this time and if not, then he was now as the woman punched her fist onto the shōji door. Seconds later, a bedraggled and irked Kakuzu answered though his ire turned to bewilderment and concern upon seeing Zetsu on the other side. A displeased Zetsu at that.

"Girl? Wha—"

"You read my diary!?" She exploded at him, caring little of disturbing the other sleeping members in the manor as white-hot anger, the likes she never experienced, overtook her. She ignored the itching in the back of neck where the chakra rod laid nor the gnarling in her head.

Kakuzu didn't immediately reply as her outcry left him momentarily stunned because one: Zetsu never raised her voice towards him or at all and two: how the hell did she learn he was the one to read her journal? "Girl—Zetsu, I did not read—"

"Yes, you did!" She interrupted him. "I know you did because I spoke to Kisame, and he said you told him you knew I liked him! But I never told you that and he never told you that and someone was in my room and read my diary! So, how the fuck else did you learn about it!?"

Again, he was left flabbergasted by her outburst. She even got in his face to scream. He would've chastised her for swearing if his damned old brain wasn't bluescreening at the moment. "I—"

"And why would you threaten him to leave me alone!? He's the only friend I have here! Why would you ruin that for me!?"

"Zetsu, I—I'm just trying to protect you—"

"Protect me!? From what?"

For once in his drawn-out lifespan, Kakuzu was at a loss for words. Never had he expected for Zetsu to be so upset over this, despite reckoning she wouldn't be too pleased if she ever learned he transgressed upon her confidentiality—but this? Nothing like this. "From him—he—,"

"I'm not a child anymore, Kakuzu! I'm an adult! I can make my own choices and choose my own friends without asking you! You don't control me! Why can't you—why can't you understand that?" In a manner of milliseconds, her anger dissolved into frustration. "Why can't…why can't you treat me like an adult like everyone else does?" It left her in a mournful sob as tears surged in her caramel eyes. She tried blinking them away, internally cursing her weak, female emotions, but they kept coming and soon, she was just standing there, crying like a damn baby.

All five of Kakuzu's hearts broke at sight of it and over the fact he was the one to saddened her so with his greedy, self-interests. He thought what he was doing was to protect her but all he did was hurt her. He ushered her inside his bedroom lest one of the others investigate, likely Konan, due to the yelling. It was an awe Sasori hadn't traipsed out of his room, bitching and moaning about people trying to get sleep in this house.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," She bawled, rubbing her face with her hands. She didn't like yelling, especially not at Kakuzu.

"No, I'm sorry," He said as he walked her over to the kotatsu so they may have a seat and talk. "You're correct, you aren't the child you once were and I'm sorry for treating you as such," He didn't have any tissues to offer her, so instead, he grabbed a piece of scratch paper he was using to drabble calculations on. She obviously declined it.

Instead, she used the blanket tucked around the heated table. "Then why do you keep doing it?"

"Because…it is like I said, I'm just trying to protect you,"

"From Kisame? Why don't you trust him?"

He sighed, rapping his fingers on the table as he looked off. "Not him as much as any man…"

An explanation from Kakuzu wasn't necessary why because it immediately clicked with her. "Is it because of Gaku?" Again, he didn't have to say anything because she was 99.9% positive that was it. Afterall, he was the only man to harm her, it was hard to forget. "I understand. It was a long time ago but—"

"But nothing. That bastard attempted to murder you in the fucking backyard! And whatever else. I just regret not doing anything about him, not doing shit about the red flags waving in my fucking face,"

"It's not your fault. Sir Leader should've never let him join the Akatsuki. And I understand why you're so defensive over me, but Kisame is nothing like Gaku. He isn't going to hurt me,"

Kakuzu shrugged a shoulder. "Maybe,"

It was Zetsu's turn to sigh. "He isn't but if he does, you'll be the first I tell,"

"You better,"

She wasn't sure why but that caused her a smile. Despite how smothering he was being, she was still lauded by how protective he was over her. "I will and I'm sorry for yelling at you…and cursing. I didn't mean it,"

"No, you did, and I deserved it. I'm sorry for reading your diary. I fucked up. I just wanted to know what was going on between you two, but I should've never done that. I'll never do it again either,"

"You could've asked…"

"I know this now and next time, I'll talk to you like a fucking adult,"

"Please do,"

There was a silence between them and thinking that was that, Zetsu was going to leave so she have breakfast and clean up when Kakuzu cleared his throat to speak again. "I just want to say if you're serious about this…thing with Kisame then you have my blessing. But it may be time Konan and I finally gave you 'the talk'," God, he was dying on the inside just saying that.

It was that smack to the face he needed to get it through his skull that she was in fact an adult now and not the little girl that used to speak in gibberish and cry over spilt milk, literally. He prayed he'd never have to have this conversation with her and if it did come down to it, it was Konan that did it. Afterall, she was the one to have to explain to her what menstruation was.

She blinked at him, her turned sideways. "'Talk'?" He nodded to confirm while grimacing internally. "Are you talking about sex?"

The whiplash he got from that question; it was a miracle it didn't break his neck at he stared at her silent horror. "You…you know what that is?" She nodded, blushing. "How did you…?"

"Orochimaru," She said bluntly, staring downward at the table to juke the man's large-eyed gaze. "She likes to…brag about her and Sasori and I didn't know what she was talking about, so I asked, and she explained it to me…in detail," Her face mimicked that of a tomato.

Meanwhile, Kakuzu was petrified and outraged because not only did Zetsu know what sex was, but it was Orochimaru had told her—Orochimaru! That old Sannin bitched ruined her innocence! What little she may have left at this point. He'd be having a talk with her about this later. "I…well then—"

"B-But I'm not interested in it! It's disgusting. I like Kisame but I don't like like him like that! I promise," Zetsu faltered, clasping her hands together in a pleading motion. Despite being an adult, she still had a lot of childish traits to her.

Kakuzu snorted. "Fine, I trust you," He said. Not so much but he just wanted this talk over with. Talking about feelings and shit was exhausting and he wasn't built for it. He'd rather punch it out instead of speak of his emotions.

"I'm sorry again," She said, standing up.

He got up too. "Don't be. Just, please be careful," She nodded in acknowledgement.

There was an awkward moment of them just standing there until Kakuzu noticed the look Zetsu was giving him. It was the same look she gave him whenever she was searching for remuneration. So, sighing and staring elsewhere, he lifted a begrudging arm out to her. Smiling, the woman immediately fell into his arms, hugging him with her face nuzzled into his chest. He hugged her back, pressing his cheek against the top of her head as they held each other for a long second.

"I lo—" He unconsciously uttered before he caught him, stupefied at the near slip-up. Abruptly, he pushed her away, a little too hard but Zetsu didn't mind it as she used to the rough treatment from him. "Go on. I've got things to do this morning," He dismissed her with a wave towards the door.

"Of course. Thank you, Sir,"

"You're welcome, Girl."

…

"So, how'd the talk with Mr. Kakuzu go, hmm?" Kisame asked. He and Zetsu were eating lunch at a brunch diner the ningyo discovered while out walking Amegakure. Unfortunately, Zetsu couldn't try any of the food but the milkshake she ordered was delicious.

"Good," Zetsu said, taking a swallow of her chocolate milkshake. "He apologized for reading my diary—that's how he learned about us, and we talked it out,"

"He read your diary? Jeez. Hmm, did he say why he hates me so much?" He inquired between bites of eggs and bacon which was an open-mouthed chomping motion due to his canines.

"It isn't so much you as so much due to past incidents and overprotectiveness," That was putting it lightly, but he didn't pry further.

"Ohhh, glad to hear it. I'm sure him slappin' the taste outta my mouth for a week helped too,"

The casualness of this statement made her gag a little back on her beverage which instantly led into a brain freeze as she rubbed her temples. "H-He did what!?"

"Ohhh yeah, we got into a little brawl on that last mission. I underestimated him. Samehada and my Suiton did nothing to him!" He said it as if getting into a fight was a good thing, thrilled about it even.

"A-And he beat you up?"

He shrugged with a shark-toothed smile. "Just a little," Yep, that sounded like Kakuzu.

"I-I'm sorry he did that…"

"Don't be! It was exhilaratin'! I'll hafta ask him to train with me. Y'know, after he doesn't hate my guts as much,"

After lunch, they strolled through the wet streets of Amegakure, just talking and walking off the meal, Kisame moreso. Zetsu was glad to be talking with him again because she honestly liked it. Kisame was a great listener. However, on their way back to the Akatsuki Manor, the chatting took a more serious turn.

"Hey, Ms. Zetsu, I've been thinkin'," Kisame all of a sudden said. "I do like you a lot, but I think we should keep our relationship…hmm, professional? For the peace, y'know?"

Truth be told, Zetsu was relieved at the proposition. As much as she liked Kisame, having an intimate relationship had no place in an organization like the Akatsuki. Besides, she was a little turned off of the idea due to Sasori and Orochimaru. Kakuzu's upset hadn't helped her opinion either. "Oh, I understand and agree! I like you too b-but like friends! We can stay friends?"

"Of course! So long as you'll keep lettin' tell you how cute I think you are," She blushed red but nodded. "Best friends?"

"Best friends."

"Great! I'll make us friendship bracelets," She smiled and giggled at the joke while he smiled down at her. "Ohhh, you think I'm kiddin' but I'm not."

She just laughed harder with him echoing her.

…

"Kisame, Kakuzu, thank you for seeing me," Pein glanced between the two men who were standing on opposite ends of his desks; Kakuzu with his arms crossed looking none too pleased with being disturbed while Kisame had a more laidback demeanor to the out-of-the-blue meeting. "It has been brought to my attention that you two got into a fight last mission?" Neither confirmed or denied the claim but by Kakuzu's sneering and Kisame's guilty puppy look, that's all the confirmation the ginger needed.

"Kakuzu, would I be correct in surmising that you were the instigator?" Kakuzu said nothing, just huffing and turning his nose up at the organization leader like a disobedient child. "I'll take that as a yes,"

"Hmm, well, I kinda…provoked him," Kisame interjected in an attempt to share the blame, but Pein silenced him as he lifted a hand up.

"Kakuzu, I will not stand for the injuring and/or maiming of other Akatsuki members. You have already killed your last two partners," This was news to Kisame as he looked at Kakuzu in surprise. He knew the old man had a bad attitude but to go as far as murdering his old partners? "And you, Kisame. You said you provoked him into attacking you?"

Kisame scratched the back of his head and sheepishly shrugged. "Maybe a lil',"

Pein sighed in exasperation as he squeezed shut his eyes and clinched one of the black piercings punched through the bridge of his nose. "In that case, making you two partners was an ill-thought idea on my part. I cannot send you two on mission together if all you are going to do is fight and try to kill one another. But I also cannot have either of you functioning by yourself. It is too dangerous,"

"Then make me partners with Zetsu again," Kakuzu lackadaisically suggested with a wave of his hand and shrug.

"No. Zetsu is to operate by herself, and she will continue to do so. She was never your partner. If anything, she was your babysitter so you didn't get yourself killed," He knew labeling her as such would get under the old man's skin. "Unfortunately, I will have to separate you two and find you each a partner of your own. One whom you cannot kill," That statement was obvious addressed towards Kakuzu but that didn't mean Pein trusted Kisame, not with his notoriety nor his tendency for betrayal.

"Yeah, good luck with that," Kakuzu snorted crudely.

Again, Pein just sighed since it'd be easier headbutting through a brick wall than talking down the ex-felon. "I will start searching immediately but if either of you have a preference for whom you would like to work with then please, do share with me. So long as they meet the criteria of the Akatsuki," It wasn't serious, a jest. He didn't think either man cared who they were partnered with.

So, colour him surprised when it was Kisame that timidly raised a hand. "Yes, Kisame?"

"Uhhh, I may know a guy,"

Pein blinked his Rinnegan at him. "You do?" A nod. "And who may that be?"

"A guy by the name of Jūzō Biwa. He was a member of the Seven Ninja Swordsmen of the Mist too. He defected Kiri after the Third War,"

"Jūzō Biwa?" Shuffling in a drawer in his desk, Pein pulled out the latest edition of the Bingo Book he kept stashed inside and thumbed through the pages until finding the correct entry of a man with red facial tattoos. "He's wanted for treason and theft of government property. His bounty is meager but much like you, Kiri is paying more for the sword than him. Why was it he defected?"

"So, after the Third War, Kiri had the Seven Swordsman cleanin' up whatever stragglers were leftover in the Wetlands from the war. They ran into a group of lost Konoha nin and one of the bastards wiped them all out. Only Jūzō and Raiga Kurosuki and Fuguki Suikazan survived," He spat the last name out as if it left a bad taste in his mouth.

"Fuguki? That was the man you assassinated, was it not?"

Kisame sighed, folding his arms "Yeah, that's the same bastard. Fuguki said Jūzō and Raiga as havin' caused the death of the other Swordsman due to 'incompetence'! And Kiri ate up that bullshit. Jūzō didn't wait to be thrown in jail so just took Kubikiribōchō and left. Been on the run ever since,"

"Interesting," Pein nodded, writing down the details on a scrap of paper. "And this Jūzō—do you know him personally? Or rather, did you?"

"Yes, I did! I knew Jūzō back when I was just a guppy. He used to let me practice my sword swings with Kurouchi. Hmm, that's what he called his sword. Sure a helluva lot easier to say than Kubikiribōchō!"

"Do you know where he went after leaving Kiri?"

Kisame shook his head. "Nah, unfortunately. Years since I last saw him, but I can tell you one thing, he ain't in the Wetlands. He'd never set foot back in that place after what they did to him,"

"One last question: Jūzō is who you'd like to be partnered with then?"

"Sure do! I never got to fight with the guy before he left Kiri. His moniker on the battlefield was the 'Blood Butcher'. I'd be honoured to be partners with him!" Just talking of the possibility with fighting with the other swordsmen, one who he thought so highly of too, it got him all excited akin to a kid on holiday morning.

"Then it is decided. I'll hand Jūzō's information over to Sasori so he may track him down," Pein used his drabbled notes to bookmark Jūzō's page in the Bingo Book before snapping it shut and looking to Kakuzu. "And you, Kakuzu, do you have a suggestion of whom you would like to work with?"

"No."

"Very well then. I'll search for a partner for you; a partner you cannot kill,"

Kakuzu huffed in beguilement at the idea. "Bastard would have to be immortal for that. Or someone not even I could defeat,"

"I shall make it my personal goal to meet those qualifications. You are dismissed."

…

AN: There, a quick and painless chapter. Now we can get back to the interesting stuff, like a new Akatsuki member! And do not fret, he is going to be staying for awhile. I've been hella excited to introduce him into Wasteland. And yes, I understand Jūzō was part of the Akatsuki before Kisame and partners with Itachi and I'll be keeping a few things to canon but obviously I can't do all of it since I've fucked the canon timeline. Oh well.

Next Chapter: Jūzō Biwa

Until Next Time.