AN: Ohhh, I am so, so excited for this chapter and the next. Yui is back! So, this chapter and the next is going to be sugary, sweet wholesome fluff. Seriously, you're going to need a dentist afterward. Just feel good emotions all around.

you-may-call-me-V: I confess I may've made him a little too heavy-handed with the sexism. My bad and I apologize if I offended. Trust me, it'll be quieted down just due to character development with Kakuzu -hint hint-.

Cat Beats: We've finally got all the Akatsuki together. If just temporarily. But soon, very soon.

magmo22: Welcome back! Yes, yes we are. How unfortunate she's been condemned to being his partner too because I have a lot of interesting back story to her intertwined with a certain…Uchiha? -nudge nudge-. Kisame and Jūzō are my favourite partnership to write in this fanfic outside of Orochimaru and Sasori, haha. Thank you for reviewing and I hope life clams down finally.

Guest: I know, I know they've been pushed into the background in favour of the other characters so I'mma do my best to bring them forth more.

p.s. no beta, too lazy to edit. Please excuse any jank.

Warning(s): Genderbend (Mid), Out of Character

…

Wasteland

The Akatsuki Arc

Chapter 61

"Girl, you're going to Iwa for me," No "if's, and's or but's" about that statement. Zetsu flinched as Kakuzu a coin purse on her desk, near bludgeoning her with the sack which was overstuffed with coin and paper. Would've left a nasty bump if it did. "Amatsu and Teo need new masks. Take Daora with you," After saying this, Daora squeezed past her master and sat down next to Zetsu, cooing while nudging the woman with her beak.

Swiveling in her chair, Zetsu scratched Daora in the seams of her mask and the heart purred like an engine, wings quivering and backend fishtailing. She looked to Kakuzu who had his shredded cloak blanketed over his shoulder, having stopped on the way to drop it off in Konan's room to be patched up. "Just Amatsu and Teo, Sir?"

"Hn, might as well get new ones for Daora and Rājan too. If Yui has them laying around. Should be just enough money there to buy them all," Just enough? There was enough wealth in that brown bag to buy out the shop! Zetsu thought it humourous how Kakuzu had progressively paid Yui more and more over time despite her prices never inflating. In fact, she didn't charge him at all! It came out more like an alimony than payment.

"Ok. Anything else, Sir?"

"And this letter," What he handed her wasn't an envelope but a jumbo mailer which fell into her lap with a thump. It wasn't a letter but must have been a manuscript inside! "That's it. Don't go gossiping with Yui for too long. I need those masks as soon as possible. Pein has said he's already looking into a mission to send me on with that woman,"

"Gine?" Zetsu asked which was corroborated via glaring.

Zetsu had only spoken with the Chinoike once, if just to introduce herself and welcome her into the Akatsuki. Outside that, she hadn't much interaction with the other woman nor the other members as they kept their distance with Gine doing the same. Truthfully, the only person socializing with her was Sasori after he learned she not only succeeded in besting Kakuzu, his archenemy, but Kisame and Jūzō too. After that, he developed what one may describe as an infatuation with her, much to Orochimaru's displeasure.

"Yes, her," Kakuzu said as if speaking her name was blasphemous.

"Ok. I'll check with Sir Leader that I have no obligations then leave for Iwa,"

"Thank you, Girl,"

…

After checking and then just in case, doublechecking with Pein that she hadn't any duties, Zetsu packed a bag to go to Iwa with Daora. She hadn't seen Yui for the last several months due to being distracted by her piling missions for the Akatsuki. With the newest members to the organization, it meant more patrols for her. It felt like these days she was just going from mission to mission with little downtime in between. Hopefully, with three partnerships plus herself, the Akatsuki was finished expending and things may slow down as everyone got tailored to the everyday throws of the line of work. That, and Sasori got more spies, so she wasn't humping half the job just by herself. All in all, this was a welcomed break.

By dawn, Zetsu and Daora were in Iwagakure. It was quiet, the streets bare except the odd shinobi walking to their garrison or store owner preparing to open for the day. Due to this, none paid too much attention to the woman casually walking with her bear-sized, bird-like familiar outside a few double takes. It was early and since Iwa sat in such a high altitude in the mountains, the low temperature caused a cold fog to linger over the roads and to hug the buildings, not only obfuscating your vision but leaving them with a thin layer of frost that if not careful, could trip you up. Zetsu snuggled deeper into her old camouflage jacket.

As they got nearer to the Clay Pidgeon, Daora was practically sprinting down the path while hooting in excitement to see her "mommy" as Yui affectionately coined herself as to the masks. Zetsu had to run after her before she got too far out of sight or trampled an innocent bystander—again. Daora had made it to the shop first and was doing enthusiastic circles outside the glass door, hung inside was a white sign with red lettering reading: Open.

Unfortunately, due to her size, Daora couldn't enter the shop itself lest they have a "bull in a china shop" scenario. So, as Zetsu entered through the front, the heart circled to the back where Yui would typically let her into her workshop, after putting any expensive pieces away, that is.

Inside was nothing new outside the sculptures and dishes for sale. Except for the scent burning which today was…lavender? Jasmine? Whatever it was, whilst pleasant to others was like raw sewage to Zetsu as she tucked her nose inside her jacket.

Upon the chime going off, an oddly masculine voice echoed from the back, "Just a moment," Unlike the soft, grandmother-este voice of Yui.

That forementioned moment later and a dark-haired, scruffy man walked out from the back of the store, wiping the clay residue off his hands with a rag. Immediately, Zetsu recognized him as being the new store manager. She had only met him once, but Yui introduced him as her personal assistant whom she was training to take over the shop for the off chance she could not run it by herself anymore. Zetsu couldn't remember his name though.

"Can I help you?" The manager asked her, tucking the clothe in the back pocket of his trousers and standing on the other side of the counter as Zetsu stepped up to it.

"Yes, I'm here to see Yui,"

"I'm sorry but Yui is no longer here," Immediately, he must've recognized how badly that came out. That, or noticed the way Zetsu's face paled as he scrambled to correct himself. "What I mean is she isn't in the shop. She's at home,"

"Is she ok?" Zetsu obviously asked next. Afterall, it was out-of-character of the woman who proudly proclaimed herself as having never taken a day off in the last thirty years of her life, as sad as that may be.

"She's fine. She fell and broke her ankle so she's on bedrest," She let out a sigh as whilst happy to hear Yui was in fact ok, she was still saddened the elderly woman had fallen. As she left her own thoughts, she noticed the man's exhausted gaze staring her, scrutinizing her even which left her feeling a little self-conscious, uncomfortable too. "You're Zetsu, aren't you?"

She was amazed he remembered her since they had only met the once before but established it with a nod. "I am,"

"Yui told me all about you and everything else," Zetsu parted her lips as if to speak but hadn't the chance as he talked over whatever she may've said. "Don't worry, it's safe with me. Yui is the only reason I'm not dead somewhere in a ditch from a drug overdose. I'd never betray her trust," As he said this, he rubbed the silver coin dangling from a gold chain around his neck; scratched into the metal was the number six.

Oh yes, Yui mentioned his drug use once in passing and her pride in his sobriety. "You said she's home? Can I have her address so I can see her?" He did not immediately confirm nor deny her inquiry.

Instead, he lifted a finger to indicate she wait a moment as he pushed himself from the counter and disappeared through the drapery which divided the workshop from the shop. From there, she overheard the clicking of plastic buttons then after a few seconds, him talking to someone in a whisper. It lasted just a minute before there was the cling like that of a phone being put back on a cradle and he emerged again. Grabbing a pad and pen, he scribbled down something.

"Here's her address," He said, tearing off the paper and passing it to Zetsu then tapped it with the butt of his pen. "I called and let the nurse know to expect you,"

She gifted him a kind smile. "Thank you,"

He nodded. "Oh, and make sure to take your…pet with you," Upon that being said she heard a banging in the background paired with a high-pitched squawking and realized it was Daora scratching at the back door to be let in, impatiently so.

After thanking him again and then apologizing, she hurried out the shop and clicked for Daora (she couldn't whistle for the life of her) to come. Once Daora was back with her, she tucked her hand into the mask's threads and pulled them like a leash as they walked side-by-side. Unfortunately, Zetsu's navigations skills were zero without use of her Mayfly. Also, because she knew nothing of where anything was in Iwa. So, she had to question a few passersby on the location of the address and whilst most shined her on—likely due to intimidation by Daora—one person stopped and pointed her in the general direction, much to her infinite appreciation. To her surprise, it wasn't just around the corner or a brisk walk between the Clay Pidgeon and Yui's home, oh no. Turns out, she lived on the other side of Iwagakure and took over an hour of travel on foot between the two. Zetsu was beginning to understand why the old woman was in such great shape for her age.

By now, it had warmed up a little, so the haze had pulled back and granted better visibility. Unlike the rest of the village with its dusty, cobblestone roads and faceless stone buildings chiseled out of the very mountain the capital sat upon, the residential neighbourhood Yui lived had red brick streets and was lined with two-story, abode-style townhouses. It oozed upper-class and the few homeowners taking their dogs out on morning walks eyeballed them suspiciously.

As one lady walked by, her little dog pulled on its leash to bark at Daora. Daora replied by letting out an ear-splitting scream at it while puffing up to twice her size, sending the dog yelping back to its owner who glared at Zetsu then speedwalked away.

Checking the paper again, Zetsu walked amongst the line of identical houses while reading off each area code to herself. "2265…2266…2267…2268! This is it!" She glanced at the address written once more then at the placard swinging from the lamppost and confirmed the match.

Looking at the house, whilst it mirrored the others in the street, Zetsu got the impression this is where Yui lived as the front "lawn"—or rock garden, rather—was grand clay pottery with fake flowers planted inside and minimalist sculptures of woodland creatures lining the cobble walkway. One even looked like Teo but with a wolf skull for a face—a coyote, maybe? She walked up the rock steps to the front door while Daora, ever so carefully, tiptoed behind so not to destroy any of her mommy's other creations. Zetsu pressed the doorbell which sounded a loud buzzing inside the residence and waited. Several seconds later, a middle-aged woman opened the door, clothed in white medic's garb and looking irked anyone dare disturb her.

"Hello, my name is Zetsu. I'm here to see Yui?" Zetsu introduced herself, intertwining her fingers anxiously as the nurse stared at her through squinted eyes. Didn't help when she saw Daora either, hunkered down in Zetsu's shadow in a weak attempt to make herself invisible.

"Yeah, Boscoigne called," The nurse said, voice low and raspy indictive of a chronic smoking habit. "She's upstairs but you can only see her for a few minutes! She's very weak and needs her rest—"

"Is that them!?" A voice interrupted, yelling from the upper floor of the house. "Zetsu? Daora!?"

Upon hearing Yui's voice, Daora let out a delighted squeal and proceeded to trample over both Zetsu and the nurse as she barreled up the stairwell, bowing the wooden steps and railing with her large frame. Zetsu apologized to the frazzled medic before running after.

Upstairs, she listened for Daora's squawking and discovered her in one of the back bedrooms, happily smothering Yui in hugs and kisses—literally smothering as nothing could be seen of her except a pair of arms circling the beast. Seeing Zetsu through the weeds of black, Yui extended an arm and thinking it a plea for help, the Akatsuki rushed in to assist only to be pulled into the cuddle puddle too.

"Oh Daora! Oh Zetsu! How're my two favourite girls doing?" Yui asked between gifting them both sugary kisses to their faces. Daora cooed, nuzzling her mask against Yui's neck.

"I'm ok, Yui. Sorry for not being by for awhile," Zetsu said.

"Oh, don't apologize! Kakuzu told me how busy you are!" Finally, Yui eased her affectionate assault off Zetsu, and the emerald haired woman stepped back, fixing her jacket which had risen up on her belly in the scuffle. After a few last pets, Daora leapt off Yui and laid out the floor, turning over on her back in loved-out exhaustion and tucking her paws against her chest in a cute pose.

Once Zetsu could get a look at Yui, she frowned upon seeing her seated in a wheelchair and one of her legs lifted in a black brace. "Are you ok? I heard you fell,"

Following her concerned gaze, Yui looked down at her ankle and harrumphed. "I'm fine. I just fell over my two left feet like a big, dumb idiot. Just a little break but I can't fit this dumb chair in my workshop, so Boss grounded me! Said I can't go back until I'm all better. Even hired that nurse to make sure I didn't sneak out. Hmph,"

"I'm sorry," Zetsu said again, despite it not being her doing.

Yui waved her off with a wrinkled hand. "It's ok. Since I can't do my pottery, I've used this chance to go back to writing!"

"Really?"

"Yes!" Wheeling her chair backwards, Yui exhibited her desk which was piled high with papers, open-faced journals with drabbles on the lined pages and an old typewriter that looked older than Yui herself. "I've been so inspired about your dreams—about the Wasteland, that I'm using it as material for my next book! You don't mind, do you?"

"No, no, of course not," In fact, Zetsu was honoured she found her psychotic-induced nightmares interesting enough to use as writing material.

"Oh! Before I forget," Yui said, suddenly thrusting a hand out to Zetsu whilst making a grabbing motion.

Zetsu hated to say it took her a second too long to realize what she was indicating but once she did, she rifled inside her jacket, pulling out the letter which Yui let out a thrilled gasp while taking it. However, she wasn't so pleased when Zetsu then pulled out the fat coin purse and laid it on the desk. In fact, Yui let out a flabbergasted sigh while muttering to herself if he was trying to blackmail her into an early retirement.

While Yui read Kakuzu's letter—or book—she offered Zetsu to look over her notes and drafts which the woman enthusiastically accepted as she sat on the floor, using Daora as a pillow while thumbing through the pages. She discovered Yui had taken note of everything Zetsu shared with about the Wasteland down to the littlest detail such as the colour of the sand and the Priest's face which she had illustrated out in terrifying detail. It felt like a police sketch with how definite it was, and this was only done through secondhand descriptions Zetsu had given her!

Another page turn led to drawings of Yui's interpretation of the Monster, all grotesquely bewitching. Each one coloured black much like Kakuzu's hearts but with unique features. One was just a black snake with yellow, whirligig eyes and a grinning mouth of pointed teeth which mirrored the depiction of the Nidhogg Zetsu had observed in Otogakure, another was just a pair of eyes and smile while the last was the most intricate and disturbing.

It was an emaciated, rabbit/human-esque horror, overall masculine in appearance yet brandishing large, female breasts stood erect on overly muscular legs and large paws with a toe bearing falciform claws, between which was an umbilical cord from its malnourished belly which spread out behind it like a perverted tail, gangling arms down to the ground with thickset forearms, and the head of a hound bearing overgrown buck teeth followed by canines then finished off with human molars in a smile which stretched to the very corner of its jaw, antlers budding from its scalp that curved inward like a crown and floppy ears dangling down to its chest. It upset her deep inside either because of the uncanny valley nature of it being so human-like yet not or maybe—maybe it was something else?

"So, that big grump has himself a new partner? And she's a woman?" Yui shook her head while uttering her sympathies for this other woman then tucking the novella back into the folder for later reading.

"What is this new book going to be about?" Zetsu decided to inquire, finally divorcing her eyes from the picture as she flipped to the next page and yet, the disquieting image lingered, smiling at her through the darkness of her subconscious.

"Oh! It's going to be a sequel slash reimagining of the Tale of Yggdrasil! Hmph, those critics said the original was too dark and scary for children? I'll show you dark and scary! I'm writing it from the very beginning to the very end. I've just started outlining it,"

"I can't wait to read,"

"You can be my beta reader! That way, you'll be the first person to read it, and you can give me feedback!"

Zetsu smiled. "I would love that," Yui smiled back, nodding in silent agreement on this.

Just then, there was a rapping on the door and each one looked over to see the nurse standing in the open doorway, still looking a bit frazzled from being run over. She looked at Yui then square at Zetsu in what could be described as a glare. "Ok, visitation is over. It's time for you to leave," Zetsu opened her mouth so she may plead for just a little longer but hadn't a chance when Yui spoke for them.

"Leave? But they just got here!" Yui insisted.

"Yes, but you have to rest," The nurse said, hands propped on her hips.

"I'm not a toddler that has to be put down for a nap!"

"You have to rest. I was hired to make sure you're healing,"

"Yes, yes, Boscoinge may be paying you but who you think is paying him? So, I have say here and I say they'll leave when I say they leave and I rest when I say I rest!" It was so dogmatic in delivery that Zetsu saw flavours of Kakuzu in it. They said opposites attract but maybe Yui and Kakuzu were more alike then Zetsu got first impressions on.

Begrudgingly, the nurse left and Yui huffed with a smug smile. However, that her bright smiling crumbled downward in a frown and her mood seeably dampened. It was so forthwith, that it left Zetsu whiplashed as her chakra mimicked a saltiness with a smell of mildew. It also worried her that there was something wrong which she wasn't speaking on. So, of course she had to ask to ease her own anxiety when Yui spoke up instead.

"I'm glad you're here, Zetsu. There's something I've wanted to talk to you about," Yui said, staring down at her hands folded on her blanketed lap.

"Of course," Zetsu said, straightening up as if to listen better. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes but no. I don't know if you noticed but…I'm old!" With that, Yui burst out into laughter in an attempt to lighten the mood which helped a little bit but not much given the heavy subject. She cleared her throat to take on a somber tone again. "And because I'm getting older, I've had to start making…arrangements for when this old body of mine bites the dust,"

Zetsu flinched. She didn't like thinking of the woman's mortality and was blissfully ignorant Yui's older age. Whilst she wasn't sure exactly sure of her age since she didn't like speaking of it, just saying she was "old" such as now, Zetsu estimated to be near Kakuzu in age due to their history—and Kakuzu in question had just celebrated his eighty-second birthday, was it? So, yeah. "I understand…"

"Boss suggested I make a bucket list for things I want to do until then, but truth be told, I've done everything I could've ever wanted to do. I was a medic, traveled the world, wrote books and opened my own pottery shop! Whatelse is there to do? So, I thought on it and there's only one thing I want to do,"

"Yes?"

Finally, Yui's pink eyes met Zetsu's golden ones through the lens of her reading glasses with a serious look. "I want to see Kakuzu again. Just one last time,"

While surprised, Zetsu couldn't say she was shocked by this development. It was understandable after fifty years of separation yet regular communication. "Have you asked him?"

Yui scoffed, waving her hand in front of her face as if the very words she uttered smelt bad. "Of course, I have but that old grump is so paranoid he wouldn't come within a hundred miles of Iwa! Said it was too dangerous for us both!" Yeah, that sounded like Kakuzu, unfortunately.

"So, if you two did meet, it would have to be outside any of the villages," Zetsu said, moreso to herself as she tapped an inquisitive finger against the corner of her lips as she put on her imaginary thinking cap. "But somewhere you both could meet in the middle,"

"Yes, and I have an idea of where!"

"Where?"

"There's a little tourist town outside Iwa called Morioh. We can meet there! It's seaside so it should be far enough out for him to feel comfortable,"

"That isn't too far for you, is it?" Zetsu questioned, trying but failing not to glance down at Yui's leg.

"Oh no no. That's what carriages are for. Like I'm walking anywhere like this! Not unless I learn to walk on my hands!" Yui jested.

Zetsu smiled and nodded. "Ok. Now question is: how do we convince Kakuzu to go there?" Maybe a mission? She wasn't sure if he would believe her if she said there was a mission out there nor could she convince Sir Leader to fake one.

"Oh, just tell that old penny pincher there's a sale or something. That'll get him going,"

Zetsu scratched the back of her head. "I could try that,"

"So, you're going to help me?" Zetsu didn't hesitate in agreeing with a nod. Afterall, if this was the only thing Yui wanted to do before the end, who was she to say no? As much as Kakuzu may object. Gasping, Yui ushered Zetsu to come over and once she did, yanked the young woman into a hug, littering her cheeks in kisses again. "Oh Zetsu, thank you so much! Thank you!"

"Anything for you, Yui," Zetsu said, hugging her back, gently so for the sake of her old bones. She didn't need to break anymore.

Pulling back, Yui swaddled Zetsu's face in her hands, rose quartz orbs glistening with bubbling tears. "You are the closest thing to a daughter I could have ever asked for. You have been such a blessing for me—for us. Even if that old grump Kakuzu never tells you how much he loves you, I'll tell you."

Hearing this, it may be pathetic but took everything inside Zetsu not to start crying too. She had done so well in disciplining herself on her emotions and didn't want to slip up now. So, whilst she did not shed any tears, her eyes watered a bit with her lip quivering. "Thank you, Yui. I love you too."

The rest of the visit was spent commiserating on the when, where and how of getting Kakuzu and Yui together all while leaving Kakuzu in the dark, a task easier said than done. Once everything was in place, now just the matter of executing it. They labeled it: Operation Date Night.

…

"I'm back, Sir," Zetsu announced upon entrance of Kakuzu's room with Daora waddling in after her.

"Welcome back, Girl. How was it?" Kakuzu asked without looking up from his financials, only picking up his free hand to pat Daora on the head as the heart pushed her mask into his lap.

"It was great," Zetsu confirmed as she put down a cardboard box onto the table that the extra masks were packed into.

After her afternoon with Yui, she had gone back to the shop and Yui's assistant, whom she now knew as Boscoigne, had packaged them up for her. As per Yui's instruction, she then tipped him for his services using the coin purse Kakuzu had sent Yui—the entire coin purse. To say he was baffled by this was an understatement and upon leaving, Zetsu overheard him calling Yui up to question her on it, obviously suspecting it to be one of her pranks again.

"How's Yui?"

"She had a fall," The instant upon saying that Kakuzu turned around in his chair to look at her with such a briskness that it startled her with Daora yelping and slinking away underneath the kotatsu to hide, thinking she had angered him.

"What!? She fell?" Zetsu nodded to confirm as so. "Fuck me, is she ok?"

"She's ok but she broke her ankle and is on bed rest,"

Kakuzu punched his fist onto his desk, causing the wood to creak as if seconds from buckling and may be from the abuse it suffered on a day-to-day basis. "Goddamnit, I told her she's too old to be running around that damned shop! Just like her not to listen to a fucking thing I have to say. Bullheaded old woman,"

To this, Zetsu muffled a snicker if just because of the pet names he and Yui used for each other were so alike. "She's ok, Sir. I promise. She's just annoyed because she can't do her art," She fished the envelope from her hoodie with Yui's letter inside and handing it off to Kakuzu. One may be forgiven in thinking she was just giving him his own letter back as it was repackaged in the same brown jacket with the same page count to match his own. It was impressive since Zetsu herself struggled just to write a page of her own thoughts in her diary some days.

Kakuzu sighed, kneading the junction of his nose between his eyes with his fingers. "Obviously she isn't using the retirement fund I sent her," With a grandiose sigh, he swiveled back towards his desk and chucked the heavy package onto his desk which ruffled the paperwork laid out. "Thank you, Girl,"

"Of course, Sir," Zetsu went to leave but paused in his doorway and turned to look at him again. "Oh, Sir? Can I ask you something?"

"Hn?"

"So, Yui told me about this café in the Highlands that has the best chocolate desserts. She even gave me a coupon to go but I can't use it because its two-for-one? I'd really like to go so would you like to go with me?"

Kakuzu snorted dismissively. "You want to me to go out to Iwa for that?" Zetsu just shrugged. "I'll pass,"

"Oh, ok. That's ok. I can ask someone else. Like Kisame. It can be a date!" As Zetsu turned to leave again, she heard the dull thump of Kakuzu's fist being thrusted own onto his desk again. Daora, who had finally crawled out from her hiding place, turned tail and clambered back underneath.

"When do you want to go?" He deadpanned. Bingo.

With her back to him, he couldn't see the smirk Zetsu had drawn on her face. "The coupon expires next month on the thirteen. How's that?"

"Sure, sure. Whatever," He sighed heavily and waved her off so he could get some work done. Zetsu left, smiling all the way back to her bedroom.

Operation Date Night was a go.

…

AN: This has to be one of my most anticipated chapters to write ever. I've always had planned for Kakuzu and Yui to reunite but didn't know where to put it in the fanfic. Well, I finally had the perfect opening before we go back to all the drama and fighting! As much as I would've liked making this all one big chapter, it felt better as two and I'm a whore for cliffhangers, haha.

Next Chapter: Date Night.

Until Next Time.