Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.

The Time Traveler's Goat (Part 3)

The Stan twins stood up and looked around. They were on a heavy trail in a thick forest. There was no civilization in sight. "When are we?" Ford breathed and looked about.

"The real question is: When are we!" Stan pointed out. "Oh, wait. You already said that."

Ford, chuckling, nodded.

The ground rumbled beneath them.

"Do you hear that?" Stan prompted. The two looked back. A herd of buffalo stampeded down the wide trail. The twins screamed and fled. In an attempt to dodge, the two of them ran off in a random direction, only to fall off a cliff and land in a wagon drawn by oxen.

A man in the very front yelled to the rest of the wagons, "Watch out for mountain lions!"

"Dysentery!" an old man wielding a canteen called. "Who wants dysentery?"

A man holding the reins on the front wagon pointed a hand ahead. "Forge ahead, mighty oxen, for a new life awaits us on this… Oregon Trail."

"Where are we? The seventies?" Stan asked and looked about the cluttered wagon.

"You sent us back a hundred and fifty years, genius!" Ford hissed. "It's pioneer times!"

The wagon driver looked back at the kids. "By, Trembley! Fertilia, it seems you've given birth to two more children!"

"It seems I have." They looked to the back of the wagon where a pregnant woman held a few children. More children clustered around her. "More little hands to render the tallow."

"Tallow?" Stan prompted.

"Whoa!" a boy gasped, seeing Ford's glasses and hands. "This boy is different!"

Ford recoiled from the boy, eyebrows contracted. "U-uh! We should get moving. Come on, Stan."

"Look at this!" Stan held out a calculator. "A magic button machine!"

"No! We can't mess with the timeline!" Ford snatched the calculator away.

"Says the guy who got us into this mess," Stan growled back and held up his hand.

"I got us into this?" Ford snapped. "You're the one who suggested time travel in the first place!"

"Time travel?" a girl said.

"Yep." Stan told her. "This is a high-five! Teach it to your friends!" The girl high-fived Stan and ooh'd in wonder.

"No! I'm going to set the timeline right!" Ford snapped and unrolled the tape measure.

"Wait!" Stan grabbed Ford and slapped the time machine. They vanished in a flash of light. The twins appeared back on firm land. They looked up. A T-Rex snapped its gaze to them and roared. They screamed and pressed a button on the machine until they vanished, leaving the dinosaur to attack empty air.

The two appeared in a ruined wasteland of broken buildings and fire. Two children looked about. A couple of Freedom Fighters raced past. "Run! RUN!" the first screamed.

"It's coming!" The second yelled as they ran by. A giant floating baby with an hourglass on his forehead floated past. He cackled in laughter as lasers from his eyes destroyed even more of the buildings.

"This future looks neat," Stan commented. Ford pressed buttons on the machine wildly.

They appeared by the Gravity Falls lake, which was filled with people. "…Fishing Season!" Grauntie Mabel announced. The two boys watched themselves give Grauntie Mabel looks of incredulity.

Stan snatched the time machine and growled, "We're going back!"

"Not without Gompers!" Ford snapped back and chased him. His calculator fell onto the ground.

They appeared before the unveiling of Wax male Mabel

"But enough about me!" Grauntie Mabel exclaimed. "Behold: ME!" Ford tripped over a wire. He got up and followed his brother, though he lost his shoe in the process.

They ran past the giant gnome monster, who cornered Stan and Ford. Stan dropped a pen he'd been carrying in his pocket.

They appeared in front of the Shack, but in deep snow. "It's getting hotter!" Stan complained and bounced it from one hand to the other. "HOT! HOT! HOT!"

"What did you do?!" Ford snapped. They vanished into a blink of light.

A younger looking Mabel with long hair looked about before shutting the door again.

They appeared in complete darkness. "Where are we?" Stan prompted.

Ford gasped, "There's nothing but inky blackness for miles! Stan, don't you see? We've transported to the end of time!"

The two kids yelled their terror at the prospect of being at the end of time. However, Stan interrupted himself. "Uh, why does it smell so bad here?" He opened a door. The portable potty door opened, letting in bright daylight. "Look! We're back in the present!"

"Which present?" Ford prompted.

Susan walked across the lawn. "Heh. This is the best present!" She hugged her new plushy.

"Yes!" Stan hissed.

Preston dragged Gompers along the grass. The baby goat cried and struggled as he attempted to get away from him.

"Oh no!" Ford gasped. He attempted to take the machine back from Stan. They ended up running around the portable potty. "Give that back, Stan!"

Stan climbed on top of the portable potty, which Ford could not climb himself. "Give it up, Ford! I've worked too hard to lose this!"

Ford frowned. "What about Gompers? I love him!"

"You said that about a talking parrot at a science fair, once," Stan dismissed. "Do you really want Susan to date Cooper?"

Ford looked down to his pictures of Gompers. "I… I don't know." Ford sighed and trudged off. He sat down by the totem pole and set his head in his arms. "What I do know is I've sacrificed tons of things for you." Ford told him. "I gave up on the science fair in the 4th grade so you wouldn't spend a summer alone. I could have gone to space camp!" He shouted. "I turned down a scholar ship to that preparatory school so that we could graduate together. I could have graduated nearly four years early!"

"You're not guilt-trippin' me, bro," Stan denied.

Ford turned his head so that he didn't have to look at Stan.

"Come on, Ford. I know you," Stan tried. "You're gunna get over this in a day." He took out his time machine and jumped down. "Let me prove it!" He pulled it back so that he went forward a day. "See?"

Ford still sat by the totem pole, glaring down at the grass. Most of the fair stuff was packed up already. "Okay, maybe you'll forget in a week…" he pulled the tape a week into the future.

Ford hadn't moved from the spot. It was completely clear of anything fair related and his brother looked miserable. "A month! You'll be better in a month!" he flashed forward a month, but Ford hadn't changed, though he did have a bunch of crumpled up notebook papers and a broken pen next to him.

Fids came walking up with a group of tourist "And right here you'll see a boy who sacrifices everything for his brother, only to have his heart crushed!" He paused and looked to Stan. "Oh hi Stan."

Stan looked to Ford and sighed, his brother had given up a lot for him, and the two of them were as thick as thieves because of it. Did he really want to jeopardies that bond now?

No, he decided and pulled back the time tape. For once in his life Stan was going to sacrifice something for his brother.

"Well here goes nothing." He said and vanished.

"I don't know if it's a panda or a duck, but I want one!" Susan announced as she and Stan walked up to the stand with Heather and Buddy.

Stan sighed and turned to Susan. "Look, I just wanted to say that, uh… that people make mistakes. And you should forgive them. A-also that tight pants are overrated."

Susan gave him a questioning look. "You lost me." She told him.

"I know." Stan answred. "One ball, please." Stan gave his ticked to the carnie and took the ball.

"You only get one chance."

Stan hardly needed to throw it at all for it to hit the pins, the backboard, and then hit Susan's eye. "Agk! My eye!"

"Whoa, Susan!" Cooper ran up to him, a freezy cone in her hand. "Are you alright?" As they walked off, Cooper played with the string on his hoodie as he turned his attention to Heather. "I, uh… you know, I've been wondering. I know we broke up, but I've really changed since then and…"

"Yeah?" Heather asked.

"I was wondering if you'd give me another chance." Cooper said hopefully.

"Look I'm just not ready." Heather told him.

"Then please, just give me chance to prove it."

Heather looked to Susan who nodded after all Cooper just helped her.

"Okay." Heather said. "But you only get one chance."

"Wait what?" Stan asked.

"Ha! I told you the guy was after Heather!" Buddy whispered into Stan's ear. "You should of listened to me."

Stan was about to answer but huffed instead as he was knocked over.

Ford laughed, "Stan! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Gompers bounced on Stan's chest and head, causing him to laugh and put him down. Ford immediately hugged him. Gompers bleated and bounced about. "He's saying 'thank you' in goat." He let go and looked at the goat. "Aren't you, Gompers?" Gompers head-butted Stan's shoulder.

"Thank you for what?" Buddy asked confused.

Suddenly Preston stalked by, holding an angry chicken at arm's reach. The bird pecked him relentlessly.

"It's a long story." Ford answered.

It was in that second that Blendin showed up "YOU!" he screamed causing the twins to jump. He tore the time machine out of Stan's hand. "YOU TWO!" The two screamed once more at the sudden outburst. Ford held onto Gompers. "Do you have ANY idea how many rules you just broke?!" Blendin barked and then hesitated. "I'm asking; I wasn't there with you… it was probably a lot, right?"

"Okay will someone please explain to me what's going on?" Buddy asked.

A flash of light behind Blendin caused them to jump...AGAIN. He spun around to see two men. Though the two looked similar in bulky, tall stature, similar military clothes and weapons, and the same green eye-pieces, Dungren was darker with black hair and Lolph was lighter with amber hair. Dungren, on the left, growled, "Blendin Blandin."

"AH!" Blendin yelped. "The Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squad!"

"Time paradox?" Buddy gave them a weird look.

Lolph agreed, "That's right, and our phones have been ringing off the hook! There are settlers' high-fiving in the 1800's and calculators littered through eight centuries!"

Dungren took out a pair of handcuffs. "You're under arrest for violation of the Time Traveler's Code of Conduct." He pulled Blendin's arms behind his back and handcuffed him.

"It was those kids! And their leader, Gompers!" Blendin denied.

Lolph gave him a flat stare. "That's a goat, Blendin."

Blendin glared at Stan and Ford. "I'll get you for this! I'll go back in time and make sure your parents never meet!" he vowed as they left.

Several seconds went by and nothing happened.

Ford shrugged. "We're still here."

"Guess he forgot to go back," Stan agreed.

Mabel, wet but mostly due from sweating in the sun, looked about the crowd. Many people had already tried their hand at the throw but lost. Mabel caught up in the mood, laughed. "Ha-ha! Nothing and no one can knock me down! Hey, you two! Take your best shot!" The TPAES officers looked back at her. Lolph shot the handle with his arm canon and they left. Grauntie Mabel fell into the water. The crowd cheered.

Fids who had walked up to the twins and Buddy moments before said. "Do I want to know?"

"They went time traveling!" Buddy shouted accusingly. "Without us!"

Fids gave Ford a look of disbelief. "Seriously? You should know better."

"Never again." The twins vowed in unison.

Stan laughed and then sudden gave his brother a look of concern. "So, I guess we never found out who was causing those time anomalies Blendin was looking for."

Ford gasped. "Wait, Stan! I think it was us."

Stan groaned, "Ugh, my brain hurts."

"Mine too." Ford agreed. "Any way how'd it go with Susan?" He asked.

"Uh actually." Stan didn't know to tell him so Buddy took the lead.

He turned Ford over to the candy apple stand a few yards away. Ford looks and frowns as he sees Cooper and Heather sharing a candy apple as Maria tends to Susan's injured eye. "Let me guess you did what you always do and jump to conclusions."

"Yep." Stan admitted. "Turns out he was after Heather this whole time."

"Told you so." Buddy taunted. "She didn't turned him down per say." He told Ford before he asked. "But she is giving him a chance to prove he's changed."

Fids shook his head. "And what did we learn today Ford."

"Always double check your brother's findings." Ford joked.

The boys laughed, but moments later Ford frowned. "Still I can't believe she's giving him another chance."

"Does that mean he's going on adventures with us now?" Fids asked.

"I hope not." Buddy admitted

"I just can't believe I gotta deal with this all summer." Ford groaned.

Cooper and Heather stood by a caramel apple stand. Cooper laughed, "It's good; it's caramel."

A devilish smile spread over Stan features. "I'm on it." He got Gompers attention and pointed at the candy apple. Gompers bleated and charged Cooper. He dropped the candy apple, and ran away screaming. which Gompers happily ate. Then a container of hot water spilled over Cooper as he knocked it over. "My pants! They're shrinking!"

Everyone in the crowd, even Heather and Mabel, laughed.

Gompers bounded back to Ford and sat down next to him, the apple in his mouth.

Susan laughed, "Oh man."

Stan patted Gompers' head. "That'll do, goat. That'll do."

(Many centuries in the future…)

Time Baby floated in the midst of a small crowd. A blue beam linked the hourglass on his head to Blendin, who floated as well. "You have broken the eternal laws of space-time!"

Blendin stammered, "I-I beg your mercy, Time Baby!"

Time Baby stated, "You must now clean up all of the anomalies."

With a flash of light, Blendin was gone. He appeared back by the lake during fishing season. He plucked the calculator off the ground and went on his way to find the rest of the time anomalies loudly plotting his revenge as he went!

Author's Notes: Tune in next week to find out what happens next!

Thanks again for reading and please review!

Yours Truly, RoxieDivine ;)