SMART GUYS MAKE SURE THEIR EARS ALSO GET WEBBED WHEN LOSING TO SPIDERMAN; THERE'S NO OTHER WAY TO BLOCK OUT THAT JERK'S ENDLESS MOTORMOUTH.
WHEN THE X-MEN ATTACK, CLAIM YOU'RE A MUTANT AND WHEN THEY ASK YOU TO PROVE IT, CALL THEM A BUNCH OF RACISTS FOR CONSIDERING ONLY THOSE WITH EVIDENT POWERS OR LOOKS TO BE PART OF THEIR SPECIES. THAT SHOULD CONFUSE THEM LONG ENOUGH FOR YOU TO ESCAPE.
TELL YOUR BOSS TO STRIKE IN MANHATTAN ONLY BETWEEN MEMORIAL DAY AND LABOR DAY; ANY HERO THERE THAT MIGHT INTERFERE WILL BE WEARING THEIR COSTUMES UNDER THEIR REGULAR CLOTHES, AND THEY'LL PROMPTLY PASS OUT FROM HEATSTROKE DURING AN USUAL NEW YORK CITY SUMMER.
JUST FOR FUN, INVENT A FICTITIOUS ANIMAL WITH A TOTALLY RIDICULOUS NAME (A FLURSNAGLE, SAY) THAT WAS RECENTLY DISCOVERED IN DARKEST BORNEO, ADD IT TO WIKIPEDIA, AND WAIT TO SEE HOW LONG IT'LL TAKE FOR SOMEONE WITH POWERS (GOOD OR EVIL) TO DRESS UP AS IT.
WHENEVER THE MONARCH OF LATVERIA PROCLAIMS HIS NAME, IT'S REALLY NOT A GOOD IDEA TO BE THE ONE TO MOCKINGLY PROVIDE A BACKGROUND ECHO OF "DOOM, DOOM, DOOM…."
DO NOT EVER PISS OFF THE NYPD, GIVEN THAT IN FORTY-PLUS YEARS OF CONFISCATING WEAPONS CARRIED BY DEFEATED SUPERVILLAINS, ALIENS, ATLANTEANS, ASGARDIANS, AND EVERYONE ELSE, THOSE COPS NOW HAVE THE FIREPOWER TO SLAP DOWN GALACTUS.
IF YOU WANT TO SCORE POINTS WITH THE LEADER, SUGGEST THAT HE LOCATE AND DESTROY A CERTAIN PANTS FACTORY. ONCE THE HULK CAN NO LONGER FIND HIS FAVORITE PURPLE TROUSERS, BRUCE BANNER WILL BE FRANTICALLY SEARCHING THROUGH THE L.L. BEAN CATALOG FOR SOMETHING ELSE TO WEAR.
HENCHMEN DREAM ABOUT BEING LIKE THE GUY WHO INFILITRATED SHIELD FOR HYDRA, GOT ASSIGNED TO THE HELICARRIER, AND INVENTED THE HAIR GEL THAT ALLOWS UNMUSSED HAIR FOR ALL PERSONNEL SERVING ON THIS FLYING BASE WITH THE IMMENSE SPINNING PROPELLERS. THAT DUDE RETIRED WITH A FORTUNE AND A SIGNED LETTER OF THANKS FROM NICK FURY HIMSELF.
THE LAST PERSON ORDERED BY HIS EVIL OVERLORD TO SUBVERT WONG THOUGHT ABOUT IT FOR A COUPLE OF SECONDS, THREW HIMSELF ON DR. STRANGE'S MERCY, AND A DIMENSIONAL SPELL LATER, THAT MINION IS VERY, VERY HAPPY WITH HIS NEW SHAPE AND JOB OF BEING ZATANNA'S FISHNET STOCKINGS.
MR. FANTASTIC HAS NOT ONLY HEARD ALL THE JOKES, HE'S GOT THEM ON HIS COMPUTER FILED AWAY BY DATE, GESTURES, REGIONAL ACCENTS, AND PUNCHLINES.