Episode Summary: Stan steals from a hand witch in training and must now pay the consequences.

Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.

Author's Notes: So, I know it's been forever, but I hit a roadblock with my previous plan of the series, I wanted to have Ford fight one of the giant bats like we see Dipper do in the newspaper during the Northwest Manor episode. However, Imagaco was quick to point out that this maybe confusing since there are already vampires in this AU who as you remember clearly don't turn into bats, so I've had no choice but to forget the idea, but no worries we'll just keep on rolling with the next story in que The Little Gift Shop Of Horrors!

Anyway, thank you for reading and please review!

Episode Short #10: Hands Off!

After the nightmare that was Stan's beard, the mystery gang had all agreed that they needed a break from the supernatural. Of course Ford had clued the others in on what they had missed.

"I can't believe you had another adventure without me." Heather huffed in fake annoyance. "I thought we discussed this, Stanford."

The gang had joined Mabel at the town's yearly summer SWAP MEET, in hopes of getting their mind off of things.

"It's not like we planned to have an adventure without you." Ford said as they browsed the rows of random oddities. "What was I supposed to do? Let that thing just sit on my brother's face?"

"It didn't go psycho until you tried to take it off." Stan said. "Just saying." He added quietly.

"Well, I for one can't believe you let some filthy creature live on your face." Bud pipped up.

Stan shrugs. "He wasn't all bad, it made me feel cool and confident." He admitted. "Like I could do anything."

"Yeah, facial hair does that." Susan concurred. "My cousin Jeff use to be a real wimp until he got facial hair. Now his pro wrestler."

"Neat." Stan said.

Heather sighs as she checks her phone for the tenth time.

"Still no word from Cooper?" Ford asked.

"He says he's not coming." Heather whined. "On the account that you're a magnet for supernatural weirdness."

Ford bit his lip. "I don't try to be, I mean I don't always look for it, or mean for it to happen."

"I know." Heather says. "And he does too, he just needs a break."

"I think we all do." Fids admitted, speaking up for the first time. "Besides we have more pressing matters to attend to."

"Oh right your Perpetual Motion Machine thingy." Heather said. "How is that going."

"We still haven't created a force strong enough to keep it moving." Ford answered almost robotically.

"Well I for one think you kidos just need a break." Mabel said as she appears wearing a new hat. "Look I got this new sun bonnet." It wasn't new, after all this was a swap meet, which was more or less a glorified yard sale. But it was obvious the previous owner had gone the extra mile to make it look nice. "I got it from the Northwest Family." She informs them.

"Really? What did you give them?" Susan asked.

"Oh just a mint condition copy of the New Bella." Mabel said as if it was no big deal.

"The original transcript?" Ford asked.

"What now?" Stan asked more confused than surprised.

"The New Bella was the play of the century." Bella informed them. "Like Shakespeare worthy, and only a few copies of the original script actually exist."

"I didn't know you were into plays." Ford said.

"It's one of my dreams to write an award-winning script." Heather admitted before shaking her head. "wait, no changing the subject! How'd you get a copy?"

"Oh well back in the day I was up in the running for the star role." Mabel informed them.

"You were going to be Bella?" Heather was ecstatic.

"Well I was in the running, but I missed the audition." Mabel said with a sigh. "It just wasn't meant to be…" She grows sad for a moment, and she looks almost regretful.

"What happened?" Heather asked. "You could have been a star."

"Well I don't know about star." Mabel laughed nervously. "but fate had different plans for me, true I could have fulfilled my dream as an actress but someone I cared about needed me more." She revealed. "It's actually how I ended up in this sleepy old town in the first place…" She shakes her head as if shooing away a memory. "But enough of that, did you kids see anything you liked?"

Heather bit her lip, she wanted to ask more, like who could be more imported then a possibility at stardom, but Stan was quick to steal the spotlight. "We saw some balloons and nerdy glasses. They made Sixer look even nerdier."

"No they made me look smarter." Ford corrected him.

"You ran into the stand and knocked all the glasses over." Bud reminded him.

Ford winced as he recalled the memory.

"Ooh, bobble heads!" Susan suddenly runs over to a stand packed with monster bobble heads. She runs her finger along the heads of three, making them bounce. "They agree with everything you say!"

"You can get some if you like." Mabel told her. "I got more stuff to get rid of."

"Isn't trading junk you don't need for more junk kind of redundant?" Ford asked.

Susan gasped as she snatched up a handful of bobble heads. "these are treasures." She corrected him.

"What would you like for them?" Mabel asked the man in charge of the stand.

"I hear you're looking to get rid of some old inventory." The man said.

"You heard right." Mabel admitted. "Some things just aren't selling at the shack."

"I'll take a few knickknacks off your hands." He said.

Stan getting bored moves on to the next stand, his brother and friends follow.

"Woah, look at these watches!" He exclaimed, looking at a stand of gold watches. A rather creepy looking girl stands beside it. She was about their age and reminded Ford of that girl Wednesday from the Adams Family. Her skin was a dusty gray, and her hair was as black as midnight.

"Nice watches." Stan told her. "How much?"

"They are not for sale." The girl says.

"Oh right." Stan turns to the others and winks, cracking his knuckles. "Watch and learn." He turned back to the girl. "I got some stuff to trade, and they are a lot cooler than these knock offs."

"They are not for sale!" She repeats, not blinking. "Not for you, Stanley Pines! The wind whispers your name!"

The wind suddenly picked up, moving the wind chimes at Tyler Cutebiker's stand. He tried to shush them.

"Ok, we get it, you're creepy," Stan rolled his eyes. "Less talky, more watchy." He slams down his brass knuckles. "Look I'll even you my prize possession." He offers before grabbing a watch.

The girl grabs him in a death grip, eyes rolling in the back of her head. "GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY WATCH! She screeched, the white of her eyes glowed as she spoke. "Or you will suffer a fate worse than your wildest imagination."

Stan screamed, pulling away. "Yeesh! What a freak show!" He yelled as he led the others away.

"Why I've never." Bub began.

"Someone needs to work on their social skills," Heather said.

"And their observation skills," Stan snickered. He showed off his wrist, which had the watch on it. "Boom! Good job, heisting hands."

He kissed each of his hands, which also housed his pair of brass knuckles.

"Stanley!" Ford hissed. "Did you just steal from that girl?"

"Oh come on Sixer, she was being rude." Stan argued. "It's a swap meet, why bring stuff if you're not selling?"

"I don't think that was a good idea." Fids said. "Did you see her eyes, they glowed!"

"Yeah, that sounded like a curse," Ford admitted looking a little worried.

"'Uh, that sounded like a curse'," Stan mocked. "Hey! Anyone wanna buy a wet blanket?! We got a wet blanket for sale!"

The surrounding crowd laughed, all but Toby Determined who was literally selling wet blankets nearby.

"I can't survive in this market..." he said sadly.

Ford growls and stomps off. "Fine, but when this backfires on you, don't ask me for help!"

"Stan." Susan gives him a cross look.

"What? He's being over dramatic." Stan argues not realizing, that come tomorrow he'd soon be regretting his actions.

(The Next Morning…)

"You will suffer a fate worse than your wildest imagination."

Stan woke up with a start as the creepy girl's words echo through his mind. He runs to the bathroom and looks in the mirror, expecting to see something horrible. He sighs in relief, it's just him.

"Heh, curse. Yeah right," he snickered and goes to touch his face, only his hands are…GONE!

Ford jumps as he hears his brother scream. "I'm up!" he looks around. "Stan?"

Stan peaks his head into the room.

"What happened I thought I heard you scream." Ford said.

"Yeah…" Stan looks really put out, like he can't believe what he's about to say. "So you remember how you and Fids said I might be cursed. Turns out you might be right."

"Yeah, well I also said that I wasn't helping so-" Ford moves to lay back down.

Stan holds up his arms, showing off his missing hands.

And just like that, 20 minutes later Stan and Ford are sitting across from their friends at a booth in Greasy's Dinner. Usually it wasn't open this early, but Grenda had allowed Ford and Fids to use the back storage room to work on their project.

"So what's up?" Fids asked.

"Yeah, there better be a reason why you forced me out of bed at the crack of dawn." Heather warned.

"Stan has something he's like to share with the group." Ford said, giving his brother a look. "Stanley."

Stan, who is wearing giant oven mitts rolls his eyes. Again, he looks too put out to answer; truth was he hated to admit when he was wrong. However, he knew his brother wouldn't help unless he did.

"Well?" Susan asked.

"Well…" Stan cleared his throat. "It's really not that big of a deal." He began.

"Not that big of a deal?" Bud snapped. "Stanley, you are lucky I consider you all close friends." He looks terrible mostly because he had no time to dapper himself up before he was called. "I haven't even done my morning routine; can you imagine people seeing me like-"

Stan cuts him off as he removes the oven mitts, revealing his missing hands. The others screamed.

"NO HANDS! NO HANDS!" Susan yelled.

"What- how- why- Stan, what happened to your hands?!" Heather cried.

"Eh, so I might have gotten cursed a little," Stan shrugged.

"A little?" Ford exclaimed. "You have no hands, Stanley!"

"But the watch looks nice, doesn't it?" Stan showed off the golden watch on his wrist.

"Foolish boy!" The girl said, appearing in the watch. "Thieving hands find wicked fates! You must return what isn't yours-"

Stan used his mouth to place the oven mitt back over his arm, muffling the girl's speech. "That's better," he smiled.

"Stan this is serious." Fids warned. "You can't go one without your hands."

"What do we do?" Susan looks to Ford, which makes since, he did always have the answers to everything.

"We can't do anything." Ford said. "Stan did this, if he wants to undo it, he'll have to give that watch back and apologize."

"What?" Stan blew a raspberry. "She should apologize to me for denying my right to swap for cheap junk. I don't need hands." He flung the oven mitt off his arm. "I got self-respect!"

He tried to pick up his soda for a sip, but ends up dropping it. The fizzy drink splashes on his face. He sighed. "Are you sure apologizing will even make a difference."

"It might not." Ford admitted. "But it would be a step in the right direction."

Stan still doesn't look convinced, but Susan gives him an encouraging look as she places a hand on his arm.

"We'll be with you every step of the way."

Stan sighs. "Fine, let's go find this creepy witch girl."

It took some digging, but the friends soon learned that the girl was named Abigail and her father apparently worked for Mama Misfortune's Traveling Carnival and Freak Show. The girl herself didn't live in Gravity Falls, but the Swap Meet pamphlet, explained that she lived in her horrible lair on Hand Witch Mountain.

"This is it." Heather said as they arrived at their destination. "Hand Witch Mountain."

"The lair of the Hand Witch." Fids said ominously.

"Could ya stop saying Hand Witch?" Stan asked as they entered the cave. He had two flashlights taped to his arms and was using them to light the way. The others followed closely behind him; the cave felt wrong somehow.

Ford couldn't explain it something just felt off, suddenly a hand tapped his shoulder, and he turned to where it had come from. "Stan, did ye just tap my shoulder?" he asked.

"Bro, I can't 'tap' anything," Stan reminded him, shining a flashlight in his face.

Fids jumped as two hands tapped him, and he grabbed at his shoulders. "Guys, can you stop tapping both my shoulders?" He asked.

"Fids no one is near you." Bud said he jumps as something taps him too. "What was that!"

"Guys I don't think we're alone." Heather says as she sees a dark spider like creature climbing up the cave wall.

Susan sees it to and grabs Stan's flashlight, but the thing is gone.

As if sensing the presence himself, Stan points the light at the ceiling, showing that it was covered in hands. All of them screamed as the hands began to attack them.

"Hands! Lots of hands!" Susan cried. The group began to fight off the hands, but it was a losing battle.

Soon the group are kneeling in a row as they are held down by the hand army.

The Hand Witch, Abigail rides into the room on a throne of hands, laughing. "Look at this touching scene," she joked. "Up top!"

Stan rolled her eyes as she and several hands high fived.

You guys... you guys get me." She laughed.

"Alright, Witch you win." Stan said, wanting to get this over with. "Stealing is wrong, etc.." He shook off the watch causing it to land before her. "Now can I have my hands back? There's a certain gesture I'd like to show you."

"Stanley!" Ford warned.

The girl looks from Stan to Ford as if trying to decided finally she picked up the watch before speaking. "Evil knocks at your door and you waste time stealing; for shame."

"Evil?" Ford asked. "What evil?"

The girls eyes suddenly roll back in her head once more as she speaks. "The beast with one eye he plots, he schemes, and YOU!" She points at Ford with a crooked finger. "You shall take center stage in the demise of our world."

"Don't listen bro, she's crazy." Stan said.

Ford gulped, he wanted to believe him, but hadn't crazy Chu warned them about a beast with one eye? Even his mosquito bites were telling him to watch out for someone! "Please just fix him, we'll do whatever you say, we'll never bother you again." He begs.

"Give me your hand." Abigail orders.

The hands release Ford and shakenly he holds out one of his own hands to the girl.

She takes it and looks at his palm and traces a line. "I see short relationships in your future." She says. "No one want to hold on to a rose with this many thorns."

Okay ouch, that was a little uncalled for.

She examines his hand some more before tracing another line, she speaks again. "An important decision awaits you, choose wrongly and you will lose yourself forever."

"Okay is there like a point to this?" Heather snaps.

Abigail hisses like a snake and everyone seems to stop breathing. "You are missing someone; he will return soon." She speaks. "You are too smart for your own good…Think before you shoot…" Each time she speaks she traces another line on Ford's hand.

Finally she traces the last line and grows gravely still.

"What...what is it!" Ford screamed. "What do you see?"

"I see great loss; you will lose what you love most in this world."

Ford felt like he was being squeezed to death by a cobra, if this girl was right, if she was really see some glimpse of his future through his hand then…

Suddenly the girl blinked, her eyes are back to normal. She looks lost. "Sorry, what was I saying?"

"You…you said…" Ford is fighting for words, his friends too stunned to speak.

Luckily Stan knows exactly how to handle this. "You accepted my apology and was about to give me back my hands."

"Yeah, then you went all creepy like." Bud added.

"Oh, I'm sorry I space out sometimes." She shrugs and snaps her fingers. "Sorry for freaking you guys out like that, I'm not sure what came over me." Suddenly the hands released them and crawled away.

Stan gets to his feet and watches in awe as his hands jump out towards him and reattach themselves. "My hands! My beautiful heisting hands!"

"So what this was all just a ploy to teach Stan not to steal?" Fids asked.

"No, I…I'm not even sure why I was in town yesterday, or why this watch is so important." She looks at the watch in her hand genuinely confused. "This happens all the time, I didn't say anything weird, did I?"

"Uh define weird." Fids said as he pulled Ford to his feet.

Ford was too busy looking at his hand like it had grown a head or something.

The look on his face seems to answer Abigail's question. "I am so sorry; I can't control it."

"So what are they like prophecies?" Ford asked, finally finding his voice.

Abigail shrugs. "If they are, I've never seen any of them come true." She explains. "I used to work with my dad in the freak show." She revealed. "I was a palm reader, but a lot of times I just freak the visitors out. Than we came here, I finally felt normal, like I was finally home. So I decided to never leave."

"And the hands?" Susan asked. "Do they belong to other people too?"

"Probably." Abigail admitted. "Hard to say, when I space out like that, I tend to forget everything."

"So you have no idea what you said to me just now?" Ford asked.

Abigail shook her said, "I'm sorry, no…but I wouldn't worry about it, like I said, nothing I 'See' actually happens."

Ford breathes a sigh of relief. "You really had me going there."

Abigail nods. "You guys are fee to go, sorry if I scarred you."

The hands move out of their way giving them a clear path to the exit.

There is an awkward silence finally Bud takes the lead. "You don't have to tell me twice!" He hightails it out of there. His friends not far behind.

Susan stops as they reach the cave entrance. "Guys I feel bad leaving her." She admitted.

"Don't be, she stole my hands, and her excuse is she doesn't remember why." Stan argued.

"It didn't seem like an excuse." Ford said as he walks back the way they came.

"Bro forget it, she's crazy, nothing she said it true." Stan argued.

"Yeah, you're not a thorny rose at all." Heather agreed.

"Well, he maybe too smart for his own good." Fids whispered.

"Fids not helping!" Susan hissed.

Ford wanted to believe them, he wanted nothing more, but he hated not knowing. The missing knowledge, his mind just couldn't allow it. "Uh Abigail?"

She's right where they left her only now, she is playing cards with a few of her hands. "Did you forget something?" She asked.

"Are you sure you don't remember anything?" Ford asked.

"Well…" Abigail crunches up her brow deep in thought.

"You mentioned a beast, a beast with one eye." Ford tried to help her. "You said I would cause the end of the world."

Something registers, he can see it in her eyes.

"You do remember something, don't you?" Ford asked. "Please tell me, what is it, I have to know!"

But she say nothing as the hands become a tidal wave, pushing him back out of the cave.

"Please, how can I stop it, if you don't tell me!" Ford screams.

"You can't…" Her voice is barely a whisper, but he hears it all the same. "Only the one who shares your face can save you from your fate."

And with those final words Ford is pushed back outside. He watches in disbelief as the hands form a wall in front of the cave entrance sealing it off.

"What did she say?" Stan asked.

Ford just stares where the entrance once was.

"Sixer, what did she say?" Stan asked forcing his brother to look at him.

Ford looks at his brother, someone with a face that mirrors his own, and he sees it, he understands what she meant. He goes to tell him, but stops…

"You will lose what you love most…"

No, Stanley was what he loved most, he couldn't lose him, not Stan. 'I can't tell him; I have to protect him.' He realized. "It was nothing." He lied. "You're right she's just confused."

"That poor girl." Heather said.

Stan shakes his brother "Don't scare me like that." He snaps.

"Sorry." Ford oofs as Stan embraces him.

"I'm sorry I put you through all this, thanks for always being there for me, even when you say you won't be." Stan says.

"I shouldn't have said that." Ford admitted. "I'm your brother, I'll always be there for you."

"Man that was intense." Fids admitted.

"Maybe Cooper is right, maybe you guys are magnets for trouble." Heather said.

But Ford was no longer listening, no he was lost in thought still thinking about what Abigail had said, and if it would all really come true someday. There was just so much he didn't understand. Like why was he a thorny rose? That made no sense especially when he now had more friends than ever before.

What did she mean by thinking before he shoots and what important decision would he have to make?

He wasn't sure, but there was one part of her fortune that he was sure of.

"You are missing someone; he will return soon."

The Author of the journals, Ford wasn't sure why, but he was sure of it. Abigail had been talking about the Author and if she was right then he would be seeing him real soon.

And if he did, than he would know if her words held any truth.

-To Be Continued

End Notes:

Reference Point #1: Fun little fact, according to the journal Ford actually met the hand witch who seems to be a traveling palm reader. Stanford spotted her tent while he was visiting Mama Misfortune's Traveling Carnival and Freak Show, and decided to enter to see how much of a fraud she was. I was originally going to do a separate episode of this but decided to mesh it into one.

Reference Point #2: In the journal Ford tells of his time after he was swallowed by the Rift. He traveled through several dimension and meets many astonishing beings. In Dimension 52 he meets an Oracle, who tells him he has the face of the man who will defeat Bill.

I thought this was a really important piece of information that was left out of the series, after all it brings a whole new meaning to the end. Which is why I decided to add it here.