Episode #12: Ria and the Real Boy
Episode Summary:
Ria receives an invite to her cousin's wedding but finds herself utterly dateless.
Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.
Author's Notes: I know this is out of order, but I decided to use it for filler. I was going to make it about Fids, but Ria and Dan have kind of become side characters without me even realizing it, so I decided to change that.
Thanks for reading and please review.
Ria and the Real Boy (Part 1)
(Present Day…)
"All right miss Pines I have finished." Ria said to Mabel as she dusted off her apron. She had just finished cleaning the gift shop and everyone was there.
"Wow." Mabel looks around in awe. "You've really out done yourself this time Ria." She gives the young woman a check. "I gave a little extra, go get yourself something nice."
Ria takes the check and hugs her. "Gracious…" She whispers.
"Think nothing of it." Mabel assures her, pacing out the rest of the checks.
Stan take his gratefully, however, Ford turns and immediately gives his to Cooper.
"Sweet!" Cooper smiles as he pockets it.
Mabel gives a check to Fids who gives his to Bud.
"Thanks a million." Fids told him.
"Please tell me you two are almost done." Bud said, trying not to sound ungrateful. "Labor is doing unholy things to my soft little hands."
"Just a few more days." Ford promised. "Next week it's back to the norm."
"Finally." Stan whispered.
"Well, I need to pick up Heather at the Pool." Cooper said. Heather had meant to be off today, but She took his shift with Susan so he could fill in for Ford.
"Tell the girls we said hi." Ford told him.
"Yeah sure." Cooper said as he left.
"Here you are Dan." Mabel moves on to Danny, who is at the counter, playing with a Chinese finger trap.
"Thanks Miss Pines, see you tomorrow." He walks out with Ria not far behind.
"I'll see you dudes tomorrow," she said with a wave.
"Bye, Ria!" The twins said.
Night, Ria," Mabel smiled.
"Bye!" Fids called.
"Night, Ria!" Dan told her before bouncing on his bike and riding away.
Inside, Mabel starts to turn out the lights in the shop.
"You guys ever wonder what Ria does when she's not here at the shack?" Stan asked.
"No," Ford shook his head.
"Not really," Fids shrugged. "Well maybe a little," He added thoughtfully.
Stan shrugs.
Meanwhile back at her home Ria is playing video games while her Abuelito, a frail man in a wheelchair goes through the mail.
"Punch! Punch those leopards!" Ria cheered on her character. A timer next to her went off. "Oh! Cookies are done!" She stood up to get the cookies from the kitchen, but Abuelito stopped her.
"Just a minute, mija," he said, holding out an envelope. "Look at this. Your cousin Regina is having an engagement party next month."
"Wait, what?" Ria's eyes widened as she looked at the letter. "Regina's engaged?" She smiles as tears come to her eyes. "This is wonderful-I know I'll call her!" She moves to grab the phone.
"Mija little to me baby." Abuelito is adamite. "I don't want to pressure you; I know you only work hard to provide for me." He gestures to his chair. "But it is time for you to find someone to be with you when I am gone."
Ria looks unsure, nervous even.
"Please, Regina's engagement party is in a week, please find a boy to bring for Abuelito."
Ria smiled softly and nods before he heads for the kitchen. "Heh, no problem," She said to herself, leaning back against the couch, "I'm great at cooking, playing video games, I clean really well, and I love kids. I could totally get a date in a week. Totally! Piece of cake."
"You're dead!" The video game announced.
"I'm dead," Ria agreed.
(Back at the Shack…)
The next morning a kid happily walks through the Mystery Shack gift shop, flipping a coin and licking a lollipop. Suddenly, Mabel jumped out from behind a post card rack.
"HELLO!" She yelled, causing the boy to scream. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you! Hey, I know what'll make you feel better. How about you use that nickel to get a hug from old Mr. Stuffens?"
Mabel removed a sheet, revealing a hugging machine bear underneath.
"Uhhhhh..." the kid said nervously, and rightfully so, the bear is missing patches of fur and smells like it could catch fire any minute.
"Watch this!" Mabel winked. She put a coin into a slot in the machine. Mr. Stuffens raised his arms and Mabel goes to embrace him. Suddenly, both of his eyes fell out and oil oozed from his mouth. The child cried and ran away as Mr. Stuffens made an eerie screaming sound.
"Ok, really, Ms. Pines?" Dan asked from the counter, looking at a magazine. "I thought we retired Mr. Stuffens."
"I reckon it's time to throw that thing out," Mabel seemed to agree.
"Yeah, it's scaring Fidds," Heather huffed, putting an arm around the boy's shoulders. He was shaking fearfully.
"It's face reminds every one of the ine- inevi- inevitability of death." he stammered
Mabel shook her head, "It's a shame he was a classic with kids back in the day."
She set her hand in a puddle of oil, slipping and getting her arm caught in Mr. Stuffens' mouth. His mouth shut on her arm. Mabel screamed as she waved her arm around.
"AHHH! KILL IT, KILL IT!" She yelled.
Meanwhile, Ria was hanging up a shirt that resembled hers on a rack. She turned to see a man looking at a snow globe.
"Oh, a man!" Ria whispered. She hid in the middle of the shirt rack. "Ok Ria, you can do this. Just use your mouth to say words that make romance happen." She slowly rose out of the shirt rack, facing the man. "Hi."
The man yelled fearfully, dropping, and breaking the snow globe before running out of the shack. Ria sighed, sinking back to the floor.
"Ria?" Ford spoke, moving the shirts to reveal the woman. "What was all that about?"
"I was trying to make small take." She admitted. "But I jumped out too sudden, I must have really freaked him out."
"Why were you hiding in clothes rack anyhow?" Stan asked.
"Well, I kinda promised my Abuelito I'd get a date for my Cousin's engagement party." Ria sighed. "But I only have by the end of the week, and I've never actually been on a date before." She admitted nervously. She grabbed the 'Out Of Order' sign off the vending machine and taped it to her. "You belong on me, 'Out Of Order' sign."
"Oh Ria you're not out of order." Heather told her. "You just need some help…Dan you could go with her right?" She looked to him hopefully.
Dan shrugged. "Sure, I don't mind."
Ria shakes her head. "Thanks you are a good friend Danny, but no, I promised my Abuelito that I would try. I owe it to him and Regena to put some thought in my date."
Dan smiles. "No problem, and if you change your mind we can go…as friends." He added quickly.
Ria nodded.
"Ria, a little advice," Stan began with a smile. "You need to get rich. Or lie about being rich. Outside of that, I don't like your chances."
"Don't listen to Stan, Ria," Heather scoffed. "You're a sweet girl with a steady job and great cooking skills."
"Plus you like doing guy stuff too." Dan added. "My sisters say boys like girls that enjoy doing things they like."
"Ria, please let us help you." Heather pleaded.
"Yeah you've helped us so much, it's time we help you," Ford smiled. "We're gonna get you that date."
"But how?" Ria asked.
"We're taking you where romance lives and fashion styles die," Stan began.
"To the mall!" Fids exclaimed, surprising them all. "What I'm not totally clueless."
"The mall?!" Mabel reappears suddenly. "That's perfect, theirs a guy there with Animatronics, I bet he has spare parts I can use for Mr. Stuffens."
"The it's settled." Dan said. "We're going to the mall!"
"But the store…" Ria began.
"No one cares!" Dan said ushering them all out.
"It can survive one day being closed." Mabel assured her and moments later the group finds themselves at the entrance to the downtown mall.
"All right kids you guys have fun, and Babysit Stan while I'm gone." Mabel said pushing Mr. Stuffens on a dolly in front of her.
"Hey!" Stan exclaimed.
"Alright, Ria," Heather said, looking around the mall. "Are you ready to explode the charm bomb on these poor, unsuspecting gentlemen?"
"I dunno, guys," Ria said nervously. "What if I embarrass myself again?"
"Hey, whatever happens, just remember," Heather began, putting one arm each around Ford and Fids. "You can't be any worse at this than these two!"
"Yeah!" The two boys agreed with a smile.
"Wait, whaaat..." Ford frowned, realizing what Heather had said.
Stan blew a whistle. "And... FLIRRRT!"
Moments later the kids and Ria are hiding behind a potted plant, watching a man nearby.
"Eye contact," Stan said, doing the 'I'm watching you' hand movement to Ria. She got up, walking over to the man.
"Hi there! I'm not scared of your eyes at all," Ria said, looking at the man's eyes. She used her fingers to open her eyes even wider. "I'm gonna look at them!"
The man screamed, running off.
"Eye contact!" Ria repeated.
Heather face palms. "Let's try something else." She suggested.
So the Kids take Ria to another part of the mall.
"Conversation," Heather said, moving her hands between her and Ria. Ria approached a man who was eating ham on a stick.
"Hey. Y'know, I've actually been in a pig's body before," Ria told the man. "Did you know pigs have a hard time walking backwards?" The man started backing away from Ria. "Not you, though. Not that I'm calling you a pig! Hey, where're you going?"
"Wow….she wasn't kidding." Dan said as he walked up to them. "She really is bad at this."
"Okay time for a new approach." Stan declared. "Confidence," he smiled.
"It's no use." Ria sighed.
"Just, try…" Dan encouraged her. "Remember you're doing this for your cousin."
Ria takes a deep breath before walking up to a nice man just outside an Edgy on Purpose store. She leans against the wall, trying to look confident.
"So, you're probably a boy, right?" Ria asked.
The person gives her a weird look. They had short black hair and was wearing punk out goth clothes.
"Wrong? No, I was right the first time." Ria narrowed her eyes still unsure "Wrong?"
"Oh boy." Dan shook his head.
(Back with Mabel…)
Mabel hums to herself as she pushes Mr. Stuffens around the mall. She keeps walking until she sees a place called Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree. "Okay Mr. Stuffens, let's get you fixed." She pushes him in and looked around. "Wow this place is decked out." She whistled.
The Pizza themed restaurant was all futuristic with large TV's and arcade games off to the side.
Mabel looks to the stage where a group of animatronic animals were standing. An animatronic badger stepped forward, playing a guitar.
"Who wants to get BAAAADGERED?!" The badger asked. The kids started to cheer. An employee walked over to Mabel.
"Oh yeah, that's Will E. Badger," the man said. "He opens for Hoo-Ha and the Jamboree."
"Ooh, ah! Ooh, ah ah!" Will E. sung and danced. The kids cheered for him. Someone even threw their pants on stage. Will E. held out his cap upside-down. "Now give me your mon-aaaaay!"
The kids clambered to put their money in the hat.
"Oh he's nice." Mabel looked thoughtful.
"Let me guess you want to buy him?" The man chuckled. "You're in over your head, grandma, Animatronics is a young man's game." He flicked his earring. "You couldn't handle the hardcore life of a pizza robot manager."
"I don't want your business." She gestured to her own Animatronic bear. "This is Mr. Stuffens, I rescued him from a pizzeria themed restaurant not much different from your own. I couldn't help but notice he's roughly the same size as Will E. Badger. I was hoping you had some spare parts, maybe a new outfit or two?"
The man's eyes widen at the bear. "Wow he's a classic, a hugging bear, worth a lot of money." He admitted with a whistle.
The sound of a child puking caught their attention.
"Hey, you! No! Barfing in the ball pit!" The man called; he looks back to Mabel. "Sorry miss, lots of old jerks been trying to take my job lately, but I got some spare things in the back that may help. You're welcome to it. Of course, I can't give it for free."
Mabel nods pulling out her check book. "Oh thank you so much, this means so much to me, he's also leaking some oil."
"Not my department." The man said. "But I know a guy." He hands her a card. "Names Gary by the way."
"Thanks Gary." Mabel gives a sigh of relief. "You're doing me a real favor."
"No problem miss, my partner in the back can help you out from here." He looks towards the ball pit. "I got business elsewhere." He runs off to help the kid who is still throwing up.
Mabel smiles as he walks away. "What a nice man."
(Back with Ria…)
Ria sighs as they all sit on a bench just outside of a video game store.
"Don't worry, Ria," Heather assured her as she opens a sticky-hand toy she just bought. "You'll find the right guy. You just gotta," she flung the sticky-hand at Ria's face, and it stuck to her cheek, "stick with it!"
Everyone laughs, but Ria who just sighed sadly.
"Could this day get any worse?" she asked. She looked up to see a similar-looking girl and a strong-looking man. "Oh no! Cousin Regina!"
"Feel it, it's muscle," the man said, flexing his arm. Ria's cousin giggled, squeezing the man's arm.
"She can't see me like this!" Ria cried, trying to hide her face using her arms. "I gotta hide!" She ran into the video game store, hiding near the back. She sat down in front of a shelf. "This is it, Ria. A lifetime of loneliness." She picked up two games. "You're the only ones who could love me. Fight Hogg, Dr. Punch Head MD..."
"oh Ria don't give up." Heather said as they caught up to her.
"Maybe the mall was a bad idea,." Dan suggested. "It's not Ria's thing you know."
"If only there were games that taught you how to date." Ria sighed.
"Wait there is!" Fids ran up to the front counter. "Got any dating sims?"
"Only one." The man behind the counter said gravely. "But you don't want it. This is the third time it's been returned, and there's a note on it that says, 'Destroy at all costs'." He holds up the game with said note.
"Huh. Never seen that one before." Ria says as she takes it , reading the back. "Virtually improve your dating skills. Nine out of ten basement dwellers recommend. This is perfect!"
"Well, I guess you are better at video games than at flirting," Ford said, walking over with the others.
"Anything to get you out there, Ria!" Stan smiled.
Ria nods. "Worth a shot." She pulls out her purse and pays the man before walking out of the store. "Thank you guys for helping me." She tells them.
"Anytime." Ford assures her. "Who knows maybe this game will work."
"You kids ready?" Mabel asked as she pulls up with Mr. Stuffens.
"Who look at his new fixings!" Heather praised.
"He's not perfect." Mabel said, "But he's got new eyes, and his new outfit hides most of his imperfections. I got a guy whose gonna fix the oil leak too. Soon he'll be good as new."
"That's great Ms. Pines." Danny said. "Still creepy though, sorry animatronics just freak me out." He admitted.
"Not me." Ria admitted smiling brightly, she still didn't have a date, but she was still hopeful. After all, things just had a way of working themselves out.
(Later That Evening…)
Ria entered her room, putting the game disk into her computer. She sat down, watching a 'Year 2000 Electronics' logo appear on her screen.
"Man, I can't wait for the year 2000," Ria said, smiling softly. Upbeat music started playing and the main menu for the game ('Romance Academy 7') appeared. Ria looked at the options. "Uh, start." Ria read aloud the game's intro text. "When the cherry petals of magic romance academy are in bloom... anything can happen. That is so true."
A classroom setting appeared on the screen. A very strong-looking boy was standing in the room.
"Hi there! My name is Rumble McSkirmish," the boy said. "I'm a student at School University. Would you like me to carry your books?"
The options 'Yes, thank you!', 'I'm impatient, date me now!', and 'Look, a squid!' appeared on the right side of the screen.
"I'm really feeling number 2 right now," Ria said, clicking the option. "Click!"
A buzz sounded and the option turned red.
"Oh no! I messed up!" Ria cried.
"That's ok," Rumble said. "Try again."
Ria clicked the 'Yes, thank you!' option. The game awarded her 100 'Love Points' and some coins fell from the top of the screen.
"Wow, I'm learning!" Ria smiled. "And games are making it fun."
"What do you want to talk about?" Rumble asked. The options 'My interests', 'Samurais', and 'Squids' appeared.
"I'd rather just click your face," Ria said, doing so.
"Ha-ha, you're hilarious!" Rumble laughed.
"This game is amazing!" Ria exclaimed. "I don't know why anyone would abandon it."
"Yes, and I'm sure you'll never abandon me, new girlfriend," Rumble said.
"Girlfriend?" Ria said, surprised. "My, Rumble, it's almost like you're actually alive."
"Yes. Almost," Rumble started to laugh. Ria laughed with him. "You have such a nice laugh!"
However what Ria didn't notice was that her computer had been unplugged the entire time!
-To Be Continued