Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.
Author's Notes: I know this is out of order, but I decided to use it for filler. I was going to make it about Fids, but Ria and Dan have kind of become side characters without me even realizing it, so I decided to change that.
Thanks for reading and please review.
Ria and the Real Boy (Part 2)
(The Next Day…)
It's closing time and Mabel is a worried mess. "Has anybody seen Ria?" She asked.
"We're supposed to help her with matchmaking today." Heather informed her looking disappointed.
"I thought she was with you guys," Fids frowned. He and Ford had just gotten back from working on their project down at the Greasy Dinner.
"She didn't come in at all today," Mabel said, confused and worried. "It's the first time she's ever missed work."
The kids looked all looked at each other, concerned.
"We'll go check on her." Heather decided.
"Okay, Bud will you and Dan help me close up?" Mabel asked.
"Oh of course Miss Pines." Bud says with a wink. "Counting money is my specialty."
Meanwhile the twins Heather, Cooper and Fids walk to Ria's house. When they entered they found her in her room, surrounded by empty soda cans and playing the game.
"Well, that's basically my entire life story," Ria laughed. "Now you tell me a thing about you!"
"Every time you compliment me, my muscles get even bigger!" Rumble said.
"Really? Um, you're handsome," Ria said. Rumble's muscles grew. "And pixel-y!" Again his muscles got impossibly bigger. "And so agreeable!"
"Uh, Ria?" Fids said cautiously. Ria spun around to see the kids.
"Huh? Oh, hey dudes! Come in!" Ria smiled. "This game is amazing. I'm making eye contact, going on dates, and I haven't seen any natural sunlight for 13 hours!"
"I don't think that's healthy," Ford frowned. Stan kicked a soda can aside as he walked forward.
"Ria, maybe it's time to apply these skills to real boys," Heather suggested.
"And get some natural light up in here." Copper said as he opened the curtains.
"But he's about to meet my parents," Ria said, then added in a whisper. "His dad is an octopus man."
Suddenly sunlight spill into the dark room. Ria yelled and hissed, hiding under her desk.
"We're going back to the mall," Ford said pulling her out from under the desk. "You need to unplug."
"I-I'll see you later, Rumble," Ria said, grabbing at her desk. "I'll be back, I swear!"
"Ha-ha, Ria, it's just a game," Stan laughed. He pulled the door shut. "You don't have to say goodbye. It's not like it's going anywhere."
"Yes. It's not like I'm going anywhere," Rumble said. The computer screen shot off, and a bolt of electricity traveled from the computer to a nearby toy to an alarm clock and finally the telephone wires outside.
Ria and the kids were at the mall again. Stan was looking through a pair of binoculars.
"Dang! Where are all the guys?" Stan asked.
"Probably scared them all away yesterday." Cooper whispered.
"Cooper!" Heather warned.
"What? Dan said she had them running for the hills yesterday." Copper whispered lowly.
"It was pretty bad." Ria admitted sighing.
"I'll check the men's bathroom." Stan ran into the bathroom, welding a megaphone. "IT'S LOVE TIME, MEN! GET OUT THERE! NO TIME TO WASH YOUR HANDS!" A group of men ran out of the bathroom, screaming. "IT'S TIME TO DATE, DATE, DATE!"
However, the men just ran right past Ria eager to get away from Stan.
"Oops." Stan admitted sheepishly.
"We'll go get some ice cream," Fids said gesturing to the ice cream stand a little ways over by the kids area.
"Whether it be victory ice cream or failure ice cream has yet to be determined," Heather said.
"Well, here comes security," Ford sighed. "I'll deal with this. Ria go and practice on some real guys."
The kids walked off, leaving Ria on her own. She hid behind a potted plant, watching guys.
"These guys have so many dimensions," Ria said, walking around. "And no explanation-y menus!"
Ria accidentally bumped into a guy.
"Hey! Watch it!" He glared.
"Oh no! Undo, undo!" Ria said quickly.
"You can't undo who you are," the man said darkly. Ria cried out, running off in the opposite direction. She leaned against the window looking in at a bunch of TVs.
"Oh man, this is the worst," Ria huffed. "I wish I was back home with-
"Hi, Ria!"
Ria turned around to see Rumble on a TV screen.
"Rumble!" Ria sighed happily, placing her hands against the glass. "I'm so relieved to see you! Although... sorta confused."
"Oh, Ria," Rumble said. A second Rumble appeared on another screen. "I am not an ordinary game." A third Rumble appeared. "I am..." he zapped a robot dog, making it bark, "special." On another screen a bunch of people working at computers showed up. One of the people was red. "The programmers tried to delete me. So I had to delete them."
The red man was about to delete the game on his computer, but he was shocked and killed.
"What... what did you do to them?" Ria asked fearfully. Rumbles covered the left half of the screens.
"That's not important," they all said before switching over to the right half of screens. "What's important is that you never have to talk to real boys ever again. You and me can be together..." One giant Rumble made up all of the TV screens, and he was reaching out to Ria. "FOREVER!"
"That's awesome!" Ria cheered. "Sorta a red flag. But mostly awesome! Some what do you wanna do now?"
"Anything you want, Ria," Rumble smiled, on only one screen now.
Ria was on a kid's train. Rumble was on the screen, riding a virtual train.
"Choo choo!" Ria laughed. Rumble laughed along before the screen turned black.
"Please insert 50 cents to continue," the train voice said.
"Aw man," Ria said. A man laughed nearby. Ria looked up to see that he was watching her from a Meat Cute stand.
"Oh, sorry," the man said, walking over. "Your such a free spirit, I wish I was bold enough to ride a train meant for children. You're totally owning it."
"Huh? Oh yeah," Ria said. "I'm like, if it's fun, uh, do it. You know?"
"Exactly!" The man agreed. "Being an adult is the worst. Skewering meat, remembering to pay bills; I just wanna ride tiny trains all day."
"Well, at least you get to work at Meat Cute," Ria said, pointing to the man's uniform. "Extreme lunch meats are the food of the future."
"I feel the same way," the man nodded. "I'm Michael, by the way."
"Oh, I'm Ria," Ria said, shaking Michael's hand. "I'll tell you, if you like robots for kids, you should check out the best restaurant of all time!"
"You mean-" Michael began.
"Hoo-Ha Owl's Pizzamatronic Jamboree!" The two said together. Michael started to nervously play with his apron.
"What?! You've heard of Hoo-Ha Owl's?" He asked. "I loved that place when I was a kid!"
"Oh yeah, dude," Ria nodded. "There's one right in this mall! I should show you sometime."
"I'm... free around eight," Michael said.
"Boom. Done," Ria said.
"Great! I'll see you then," Michael smiled and handed Ria some coins. He walked away, waving. Ria waved back.
"What a nice man," she said. "Well, back to riding this tiny train for children."
"AHHH! RIA!" Heather screamed excitedly, jumping onto Ria and kissing her cheek.
"We saw the whole thing!" Ford beamed.
"That was amazin'!" Fids smiled.
"You talked to a real guy!" Heather cheered. "And you got a date!"
"I did?" Ria realized.
Cooper smiled. "Yeah I'm just as surprised as you are."
"Guess that game really worked." Fids pondered out loud.
"You think?" Ria asked.
"Of course, you were in the zone, you made eye contact - it was like you'd done this a million times before," Ford said.
"Which means Ya don' need it anymore," Fids said. "Ya can toss it out!"
"Toss it?" Ria asked nervously. "But I like Rumble. He's good to me. He's predictable."
"Well that's pretty boring," Cooper scoffed. "Besides He's not real."
"He's right Ria." Ford argued. "You can't take a video game as your date to Regina's engagement party.
"Uh..." Ria bit her lip, they had a point. Oh well it was just one date, Rumble would understand. So when she returned home to get ready she decided to be honest.
Sitting in front of the computer with Rumble back on the screen she asked nervously. "Hey Rumble? We, uh... can we talk,"
"Of course!" Rumble said. "I am programmed to find everything you say interesting!"
"Well, have you ever had to choose between two things you like, but you don't know which one is right for you?" Ria asked. "I'm just saying, I'm thinking long term... maybe I should be with someone a little less," Ria stood up, mimicking a video game character, "beep boop. Heh, y'know?"
"I don't think you know what you're saying, Ria," Rumble said angrily. "No one loves you more than me. The boys out there will just make fun of you!"
"You... you really think so?" Ria asked with a frown.
"I KNOW so!" Rumble yelled. "Besides, we had a deal. You bought my game, I held your books, you're my girlfriend. Now sit down in that chair!"
"I don't think I like the way you're acting," Ria said nervously.
"I WON'T LET ANOTHER BOY TAKE YOU AWAY FROM ME, RIA!" Rumble screamed, pounding on the computer screen. "YOU HEAR ME?!"
"Rumble, calm down!" Ria cried.
"YOU'RE MINE, RIA!" Rumble yelled.
"Uh, uh..." Ria looked around in a panic. She grabbed the controller, pressing a button. "Pause!"
Rumble suddenly stopped in the middle of his screaming, looking shocked. Ria looked around, rubbing the back of her head.
"Woah, that got intense," she said. "I'm sorry, Rumble." She removed the game disk from her computer. A trail of electricity crackled, and Rumble stayed on the screen. "Maybe having a cursed robo-boyfriend wasn't such a good idea." She stuffed the disk in her pocket and turned off the computer. "I'm taking you back to the video game store after my date with Michael."
Ria left her room. The computer turned back on with a flash of electricity, showing a distorted image of Rumble.
(Back at the mall)
Ria bit her lip looking nervous, she had slipped on a pink dress after her fight with Rumble and barley made it on time. "I'm so nervous."
"You can do this, Ria," Stan said as Ford gave her some water.
"Yeah you're not late, besides he's supposed to wait on you anyway." Heather added.
"Just remember what your love crew taught you. How does he look?"
"Nice!" Ria responded.
"What are his jokes?" Fids asked.
"Funny!" Ria said.
"And who can pay for dinner if they want to?" Heather added.
"RIA CAN!" Ria yelled, standing up.
"Now DATE!" Ford yelled, blowing an air horn. Ria shouted and ran off towards the restaurant.
"They grow up so fast," Stan smiled.
Michael was standing outside of Hoo-Ha Owl's entrance. He rubbed one leg with the other.
"Itchy legs, itchy legs," he looked up at Ria's arrival. "Oh, hi Ria!"
"Michael!" Ria said happily. "Are you ready for a..." she looked at her hand, "date with..." she looked at her other hand, "me?"
Michael laughed.
"Haha, I totally am," he smiled leading her to a booth only to trip once they get there.
"Are you ok?" Ria asked.
"Oh yeah!" Michael gets up suddenly, hitting his head on the table. "Ow."
"Here let me." Ria helps him to his feet before guiding him to take a seat.
"Thanks, sorry, I'm just…" He pauses nervously. "Kind of nervous." He admitted.
"Really?" Ria instantly relaxed. "Me too." She admitted. "I've never actually dated before, and I was really nervous about this."
Michael looks surprised. "Really? You were so confident back on the train I didn't think anything made you nervous."
"Oh yeah, lots of things. This one time I went to dinner with my Abuelo, and a nice boy came over and said Hi to me. I got so nervous I stuffed all the bread sticks in mouth so I wouldn't have to say anything back."
Michael laughed, smiling. "That's nothing, one time I was so hungry, I ate the decorative bamboo at a Chinese restaurant," He patted his stomach and sung the next part. "Like a big ol' panda."
Ria giggled relaxing completely, heck she didn't even know why she had ben worried in the first place. She looked back at the video games behind Michael. Rumble appeared on one screen, making subtitles that read 'You paused me?' Ria spat out the water she was drinking onto Michael and coughed.
"Ria, are you ok?" Michael asked, reaching across to her.
"No! Uh, I'm fine!" Ria panicked. "just, wrong pipe." She tried to explain.
"Here do you need a napkin?" Michael asked worriedly as he offered her one from the table.
On three screens appeared 'You left me', an arrow pointing at Michael, and 'for him?', in that order. The arrow turned into a spinning picture of Michael's face with a flashing red X over it.
"Uh, thanks, but I think I'll just clean up in the bathroom. Ria said before running off. She spots the twins and their friends sitting close by and joins them in a frantic rush.
"Ria, what are you doing out there?" Stan asked.
"I've got a big problem, guys," Ria panicked. "I'm being stalked by Rumble!"
"Rumble?" The kids repeated, confused.
"Yeah, from the game," Ria nodded.
"Ria, get a grip on yourself," Ford said. "Rumble can't stalk you because he's not real."
"Says the guy who brought a video game character to life," Heather rolled her eyes. The group of friends saw Rumble on three screens nearby. Rumble saw Ria as 'Target' and the kids as 'Tiny enemies'.
"Uh oh," Stan said.
"This isn't going to end well," Ford worried.
"Well the guy at the video game store did try to warn us." Fids added.
"Don't worry, guys," Ria said, "I'm pretty sure he's stuck on TV screens."
Rumble moved across a row of game screens, getting closer to Michael as he went.
"Oh boy," Ria gulped. She ran over to Michael, sitting down in the booth. "So hey, anyway, you wanna, uh, move this date into the forest far away from all electronics and people?"
"What?" Michael asked, confused. "But the floor show's about to start."
Five animatronic animals were playing as a band on stage. The cheerleader beaver laughed as she played. Hoo-Ha the owl was up front.
"Hoo hoo hoo! Who wants to hear Hoo-Ha the owl?" He asked. "Oh! Who..."
He powered down suddenly. The stage lights focused on the big beaver, who was strumming a guitar and now possessed by Rumble.
"Hello, friends," Rumble greeted. "Hoo-Ha the owl is dead." The lights went out, and the frog began to softly play. "This next song goes out to my forever girlfriend, Ria."
"Ria, what's going on?" Michael asked.
"No time to explain!" Ria cried. "We gotta get out of here!"
Ria ran to the door with Michael, the kids following behind them.
"The only way out, Ria, is in my arms!" Rumble yelled. His eyes turned red, and he snapped his fingers. The other animatronics came to life. "After them!"
People ran out of the restaurant, screaming before the doors close trapping Ria, Michael, and the kids inside.
"I'm sorry, Ria," Rumble said. "But you can't run away from our relationship."
He took control of the skee-ball games, making them shoot balls at the group of friends. Michael tipped over an arcade game for them to hide behind.
"So, about all this, I might have accidentally purchased a dating simulator that attained sentience and went crazy," Ria explained to Michael.
"Oh, I am crazy," Rumble said. "Crazy for you, Ria!"
He shot lightning at the gang. Michael screamed as his hair caught fire.
"Oh no!" Ria cried, patting out the fire. "I'm so sorry, Michael! I'll fix this. It's me that he wants. I'll distract him while Stan, Ford, Heather, and Fidds keep you safe. It's the only way!"
"Ria, these are children," Michael said as Ria climbed atop the arcade game.
"The only WAAAAAY!" Ria yelled. She ran towards the kitchen, still being attacked by the skee-balls. "Over here, Rumble!"
"Stop!" Rumble yelled, reaching out for Ria. She grabbed a serving plate, using it to slide under the animatronics and through the swinging door into the kitchen. Rumble slammed the door open, rushing in behind her.
"On three, we split," Ford was saying. "One, two-"
The girl beaver karate-chopped the arcade game in half. Michael and the kids screamed, running off in different directions.
To the right of the playset Heather climbs up the slide, but soon slid back down. "I forgot my shoes!" She pulls them off.
"Heather this is no time for rule following!" Fids yells grabbing her and forcing him to climb back up.
Two animatronic rats tried to follow them, but get stuck.
Ford, meanwhile, was cornered by the animatronic beaver.
"I'm gonna eat your face like pizza!" She laughed. Ford screamed, ducking out of the way. The beaver instead hit a win button, getting lots of tickets. She laughed, clapping.
Michael hits her with a chair, but was soon surrounded by more animatronics. "There's too many of them." he huffed.
Back in the kitchen Rumble has Ria cornered. "I've got you surrounded, Ria," he said. "There's no way out."
They passed by a window, where Ria could see the others being round up by the animatronic animals.
"Please, let my friends go," Ria begged. "I'll do anything you want. I promise!"
"I seem to remember someone promising to be my girlfriend," Rumble countered. He appeared on the nearby TV screen, pictures of boys passing behind him. "Think about it. Real boys are unpredictable. They judge you." The boys on screen snickered and laughed. "Do you really think Michael is going to take you back after this awful date?" The screen showed Michael slamming the door in Ria's face before it started to rain. "I can download your brain into the game with me, and we'll be together forever."
Rumble pointed at Ria, his index finger extending into a flash drive.
"Ah!" Ria cried, "Stay back!" She began to pull stuff from her pockets, throwing it at Rumble. Unfortunately, the animatronic dodged the items easily.
"Come on, Ria," Rumble said. "Don't make me delete you, too!"
Ria pulled the game disk from her pocket. The game if she destroyed it maybe rumble would be destroyed too!
"What do you say?" Rumble asked.
"I say... game over, Rumble!" Ria yelled. She opened the oven, tossing the game disk inside.
"No, wait!" Rumble cried. He began to scream as the disk burned up. The TV screen fizzled and became disoriented before flashing off, erasing Rumble. The face of the animatronic beaver melted as it dropped to the ground. The other animatronics shut down, dropping Michael and the kids.
"I'm sorry for all this," Ria said as she ran over to them. "I honestly remember this place being a lot more fun when I was a kid."
"Believe it or not, I've been on worse dates," Michael chuckled.
"You have?" Ria asked, surprised.
"Never date a magicians assistant," Michael warned.
"Ew, why would I?" Ria asked. The two of them laughed.
Ford nudged Ria, trying to wordlessly remind her.
"Oh right, hey you aren't maybe interested in going to my cousin's engagement party in a week, are you? I promise there's like, zero robot badgers."
"Haha, yeah," Michael smiled. "I'll still be in town then."
"'Still be in town'...?" Ria repeated.
"I'm heading back home to Portland in a few weeks," Michael said sadly. "But we can video chat, if that's ok with you."
"A relationship with a boy who I can only see through my computer," Ria said thoughtfully. "Sounds perfect!"
Watching the two from a little was off the gang celebrate their success.
"By the spirt of love we did it!" Stan exclaimed.
"Yes!" Heather hugged the nearest person beside her, which happen to be Ford.
He hugs her back awkwardly before pulling away.
"Oh sorry, got excited." Heather let's go, laughing nervously and with that the gang concluded another amazing adventure.
-To be Continued