Episode Summary: On another Family Day Mable takes the kids Mini Golf where Stan is quite the natural. Unfortunately, so is Preston Northwest!

Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.

Author's Notes: So, I'm not sure where the time went but I looked back and noticed it's been over 2 months since I updated this story! So, here's the next chapter everyone sorry it took so long.

As always, thank you for reading and please review!

FYI: Not many changes in this chapter, just our favorite family playing some mini golf, and rich people trying to ruin their fun.

The Golf War (Part 1)

It was another hot summer day in Gravity Falls, and after the crazy fiasco that was Ria's date the twins were enjoying some much needed down time.

At the moment Stan and Ford were watching Duck Detective, a new show that was gaining popularity. Ria enters the room with a pan in her hand. "Does anyone want Pancakes they're fresh."

"I could eat." Stan says taking a plate and staking it with the cakes.

"So how are you and Michael doing?" Ford asked as he joined them. It had only four days since Ria's now boyfriend had returned to Portland. However, Ford had always heard long distant relationships weren't easy.

"It's doing good." Ria tells him as she makes his plate. "We talk almost every night."

"That's great." Stan says halfheartedly. He's reading a copy of the newspaper that Mabel has left out. Preston Northwest great's him on the front page, 'Preston Northwest declares Polo Shirts the look of the season!' "Oh boy." He whispers, but it's not quite enough.

"Is that today's paper?" Ford asked.

"Yep." Stan said.

"Let me see." Ford insisted. "Fids and I submitted an article about our Science Fair project." He explained. "It should be on the front-" He stops as he catches some of the words.

The newspaper reads "GREATEST THING OF THE SUMMER!", and shows a portrait of Preston Northwest, with the caption "PRESTON NORTHWEST."

"Unbelievable." Ford shook his head. "Looks like someone bought their way to the front page."

"Don't worry about it Sixer, anyone who has to pay to get to the front page isn't anything to sneeze at." Stan assured him.

Ford smiled, ever since they had found out the Northwest family was a fraud Stan had stopped letting Preston's antics get to him. It was inspiring to see him take the high road for once, Ford however knew one person who would be upset. And as if the thought Summoned him, Fids walked into the shack with a look of defeat on his face.

"Did you see it?" He asked Ford.

"Yeah." Ford told him. "It sucks."

"It more than sucks Stanford!" Fids groaned as he sat down beside them. "We worked on that Article for days. It's supposed to help our project stand out, how are the judges supposed to find it on page 24!"

Ford bit his lip "I'm sorry Fiddleford, it's possible Preston bought the front page to get back at me for the whole, 'Your family is a fraud' thing.

"I don't blame you." Fids said. "I blame him! This is what he does, any time someone tries to outshine him, you remember the dance competition don't you?"

The twins nodded knowingly.

"He's going to get his way regardless." Stan says. "So, we might as well just let it go, stressing over it is what gives him the power."

"That's very wise Stan." Ria praises him.

"I have my moments." Stan boast.

"Once a month, if we're lucky." Ford joked.

Stan gives him a playful punch. "You know what we need?" He asked. "A distraction." He answered his own question.

"Did someone say they needed a distraction?" Mabel asked as she entered the kitchen.

"Yeah." Fids answered. "Rich people are ruining our day."

Mabel winces as she sees the paper. "Shoot I was planning on hiding that." She admits. "Well fear not, for Grauntie Mabel declares it's Family Day!"

Now it was the boy's turn to wince, Mabel had gotten a bit better when it came to Family Day, still with this news the idea of going out didn't appeal to them.

Suddenly a commercial on the TV catches their attention.

"Looking for a distraction from your horrible life?" The Announcer's voice says.

"Why yes!" Stan says as they all move to the living room to see what's up.

"Victory, honor, destiny, mutton! These old-timey sounding words are alive and well at the Gravity Falls Royal Discount Putt Hutt!" The voice declares as it shows off a mini golf course.

"Oh that's where I plan to take you." Mabel cut in.

"This is perfect!" Ford said. "We love Mini-Golf."

"Yeah, if there one thing our family is good at its Kickboxing and Mini-golf." Stan says proudly.

"How about you come with us Fiddleford?" Mabel asked.

I don't know." Fids said looking pretty down.

"Come on Fids a day in the sun playing our favorite game, it's just what you need to turn the day around." Stan insisted.

"Maybe." Fids seemed to think it over.

"Come on, Fids! Victory!" Stan declared, trying to get his brother on board.

"Honor!" Mabel jumped in.

"Destiny!" Ford shouted.

They all looked at Ford expectingly.

"Mutton!" Fids raised a fist half-heartedly.

"Yes!" Ria declared as they left the shack chanting. "Victory, honor, destiny, mutton! Victory, honor, destiny, mutton!"

"And the goat can watch the house." Ria added.

"Did we turn off the stove?" Ford asked.

Gompers jumps off the couch and trots over to the stove where he gets on his hind legs and uses his mouth to turn the dial off.

"Probably." Stan answers.

"Good, did you sports want to invite your friends?" Mabel asked.

"Buds busy with his own family today." Stan answers. "And the girls are working at the pool with Cooper." Fids remined her. "Looks like it's just us today."

The gang loads up in the car and several minutes later they find themselves at the Ye Royal Discount Putt Hutt. With their putters and balls in hand they were ready to take on the course.

"Wow, not bad." Stan admitted as he took in the sights.

Ford nodded his agreement; it was obvious why the placer was so popular. The course had everything you could think of. From tunnels to bridges, sharp corners, windmills and other various obstacles.

"Man, it has all the bells and whistles." Ford said looking to Fids. "You ready?"

Fids looks unsure. "I've never played a real course before." He remined him. "Just the home made one you and Stan make."

"It's not that different right Stanley." Ford looked to his brother.

Stan takes a deep breath feeling at one with the place already. "Ahh, mini-golf! The sport of mini champions!"

"The grass is fake, but the fun is real! There's something here for everyone! You'll see." Ford assures Fids.

"Alright kids give it a whorl." Mabel instructed.

Ford steps up to go first, preparing to hit a ball. "Focus! Focus!.. And, eh..." He swings his club and misses the golf ball, which rolls into the nearby pond.

"Don't worry Sport, you're still, 'Ext-roar-dinary'!" Mabel assures him as she slaps a dinosaur sticker on his cheek)

"I'll take what I can get." Ford said.

Fids moves to go next and hits the ball, he misses too, but he's a lot closer than Ford only missing the hole by a few inches.

"See not so bad." Stan praised. "You just need to hit a little harder. Watch me." Stan steps up to demonstrate. "Do the hip wiggle, and eh!" He hits the ball with his club, which touches Crazy Chiu's nose and goes into the hole.

"What? How'd I get here?" Crazy Chiu asked before scampering off.

Stan fist pumps. "Yes!"

"Holy smokes! We may finally have a Sports Star in the family!" Mabel praised.

"Man Stan, I knew you were good but-" He whistles. "That was perfect."

"You guys ain't seen nothing yet!" Ford bragged.

Stan's family watches in amazement as he plays through the course hitting his ball into various holes, while Ria sings him a theme song.

"He's so good, yeah! Look at him hit that ball! He's got lot of skills! Take that ball into that hole!"

Finally, they reach hole "18" and a crowd has formed around Ford, Mabel, and Ria.

"Guys, this is amazing! If Stan gets a hole in one here, he'll beat his all-time high score!" Ford announced.

His first perfect game, it was right there for the taking. 'You can do it, Stan!' He told himself. 'Pretend the ball is Preston's face!' "Eh!" He hits the golf ball, and nearly scores a hole, but misses and rolls into a puddle. "Aw, nuts!" He throws down his club in a fuss.

The crowd boos and dissipates.

" Ah, don't worry about it kid! You did your best." Mabel tried to cheer him up.

"Yeah, besides the Bermuda's Triangle, how mini-golf works is our world's greatest mystery." Ria added.

"You did good." Fids agreed.

"Good? He did amazing." Ford countered.

"Yeah!" Everyone cheered making Stan smile.

Mabel nodded. "As far as I'm concerned, you're still better than anyone else in Gravity..."

Suddenly a ball rolls past getting a hole in one on the eighteenth hole.

They gasped as they see it's none other than Preston Northwest!

"Oh, would you look at that?" Preston taunts. "I didn't know it was "hobos golf-free" day!"

"Preston!" Stan growls.

"Well, if it isn't the Pines family!" He pints at them one by one while shooting insults. "Fat, old, Nerd, lame, and braces!"

"You know I happen to be a friend of your mothers." Mabel warned him.

"It's called being socially polite." Preston reasoned. "my mother may play nice to save face but I tell it like it is."

Ford steps in. "I got this! Hey, Preston! How's that whole "your family being frauds" thing working out for you?" He jeered.

"Great, actually! That's the thing about money! It makes problems go away!" Preston countered with ease.

"Well, it can't buy you skill!" Fids challenged. "You walked into the game of a mini-golf champion!" He gestured to Stan knowingly.

"Well I wouldn't say…" Stan began

"Ha!" Preston snaps his fingers. "Sergei!"

A thin athletic man walks over.

"This is Sergei, my trainer!" Preston boasted.

"The Sport Olympics had mini-golf once. I took gold!" Sergei shows off the gold medal on his chest.

Preston smiles "So if you don't mind moving out of the way of the professionals! Hmpf..." He walks over to a "bonus hole" and strikes the golf ball which scores causes an explosion. "Enjoy second place. Give him a hand, folks!" He starts to leave as the on lookers clap.

Fids clenches his fist, no he was not doing this again, not this time. "Oh, yeah? Well... we want a rematch, you... you WALKING ONE-DIMENSIONAL BLEACHED BLONDE VALLEY STEREOTYPE!"

Everyone gasped.

"Fids!" Stan exclaimed.

"No, he ruined the dance off by not playing fair, he stole our spot on the front page." Fids yelled. "He's not getting away with it again."

"Oh it's on!" Preston snapped his fingers stomping back over to Stan.

Suddenly clouds move in over head.

"Hear ye! Hear ye! Honk honk!" the Mattress King drives into a lamp post before ramming into it several times. "Ow! Stop at once! The park is now closed due to weather! The King of Mini-golf has spoken!"

Stan breathes a sigh of relief.

"This isn't over." Preston growled" You, me, midnight. We'll see who's best!"

"We'll be here!" Fids yells as lightning flashes, and it starts to rain.

Preston whips out his umbrella and walk away while Sergei runs behind him.

"We'll be here?" Stan snapped at Fids. "Fids I already went on a self-discovering adventure. Remember? When we proved his family was a fraud I decided that I didn't need to prove myself to him."

"I know, I know." Fids stomps his foot, "He just makes me so angry. For once I wanted to stick it to him you know." He sighs. "You can pull out if you want, I'd understand."

"And make a fool out of myself? Heck no." Stan stated. "I'll do this for you Fids, but only because it's you."

"Well, you heard the Mattress King the course is closed." Mabel cut in. "Now I'm all for some friendly competition but why don't we head over to the dinner across the street and get out of this rain."

"Sounds good to me." Ford agreed. He gives Stan a pat on the shoulder. "I'm real proud of you for not letting Preston get to you." He told him as they started for the car.

"Thanks bro." Stan gave a half smile.

Moments later the gang has hunkered down at Hermanos Brothers Diner where gloomy music plays.

Fids groans as he eats chips, he's really starting to regret his actions. "Why did I do that?"

"It's my fault." Stan told him feeding him another chip. "I guess seeing me stand up to bullies is starting to rub off on you nerds." He said remembering how Ford tried to square off with Cooper at the start of the summer.

"Standing up for yourself is nothing to be ashamed of." Mabel tells Fids. "But having Stan fight your battles for you…" She trails off.

"I know." Fids sighed.

"I don't mind." Stan said. "I love standing up for my friends."

"I know you do." Mabel smiled. "It's good to be there for each other, but sooner or later Fids is going to have to. You are leaving at the end of summer after all."

Stan deflated. "Oh yeah, right."

"Well, no backing out now." Ford warned. "We'll never hear the end of it. Besides If we win he could never rag on us again.."

Stan looks outside. "Looks like the rains cleared up."

"You should practice at the 18th hole maybe you can perfect a strategy before midnight." Ford suggested.

Stan looks alarmed. "Go to the golf course after dark, you say? I don't know, we'd have to break in and- Just kidding let's break in!"

The kids look to Mabel as if just remembering there is an adult present.

"What you think I can't keep a secret, Ha! Besides you need a driver." Mabel reminded them. "I got this."

Mabel drives the kids back to the golf course where she helps sneak them inside through a lose panel in the gate. She pulls out her sticker book and hands Stan a "U DA BEST" sticker. "Just remember, you're already a winner." She reminds him.

"Thanks, Grauntie Mabel." Stan puts the sticker on his sweater. Before the boys rush over to the windmill to start practicing. He tries several times, but no mater what he does he just can't make the hole. "Darn! Poop heck darn!" He screams.

"Ugh, I don't get it! What is wrong with this hole?" Ford yelled.

"Maybe it only favors rich people." Fids suggested.

"That's silly." Ford shook his head. "There's got to be a logical-" He stops as he hears clanking inside the mill. "Did you guys hear that?"

Fids and Stan nod.

"What? What is it?" Fids asked.

"Grab your clubs." Stan ordered.

The boys raise their clubs and advance towards the windmill. They nod, and Ford pulls away the back panel.

Small little Dutch-themed creatures can be seen merrily moving golf balls along their Dutch-themed landscape.

The boys gasp, and the creatures freeze. There is a moment of silence before one scream.

The boys scream back as each side looks ready to attack.

-To Be Continued