Episode Summary: On another Family Day Mable takes the kids Mini Golf where Stan is quite the natural. Unfortunately, so is Preston Northwest!
Disclaimers: I do not own Gravity Falls or the Relativity Falls AU idea.
Author's Notes: So, I'm not sure where the time went but I looked back and noticed it's been over 2 months since I updated this story! So, here's the next chapter everyone sorry it took so long.
As always, thank you for reading and please review!
FYI: Not many changes in this chapter, just our favorite family playing some mini golf, and rich people trying to ruin their fun.
The Golf War (Part 2)
The screaming goes on as the twins raise their clubs ready to attack.
"Wait!' One of the creatures scream holding his hands up submissively.
The brothers share a look before lower their clubs.
"We good? We good?" The creature asked.
The twins and Fids nod still unsure.
"All right then! Hi, hello. I'm Franz." The creature said, he looked like a golf ball with a little body arms and legs. "Welcome to our home!"
"What is this place?" Fids asked, surprising himself and his friends that he's the first to find his voice.
"Yeah! Are you guys' tiny humans, or enormous mini-humans?" Stan asked.
Ford gives him a look like: 'How could you think that question makes a lick of sense?'
Franz laughs "Neither. We're Lilliputtians! Lilli- Lilliputt... the name makes more sense written down than spoken. And we control the balls! Behold!"
The side of the windmill opens, revealing a complex Rube Goldberg-ian convey system, with Lilliputtians turning cranks, pulling levers, and pushing turnstiles. A golf ball rolls out of the windmill into the hole.
"That's incredible!" Fids says with awe.
"And so needlessly complicated!" Ford agreed.
Franz blushes. "Aw shucks. It's only our life-long passion. Would you like us to elaborate through song?"
The Lilliputtians gather and prepare to sing.
"Nope, no, we're good." Stan interrupts them.
The Lilliputtians groan in disappointment and disperse, all but Franz who looks curious. "So what are you hugelings doing here anyway?"
"We kind of have to play this golf tournament against one of our rivals, Preston." Ford explains.
"More like I have to play." Stan mutters under his breath. It wasn't that he wouldn't fight on his friend's behalf. No, Stan would gladly stand up for any of them, but Fids just threw him in this without even considering Stan's own feelings.
The Lilliputtians gasp and mutter.
"Oh, we know all about rivals." Franz assures them.
"Put a clog in it, ya windmill-lubbers!" A voice shouted as the pirate ship lights up across the court.
Fids gasped as he noticed Pirate Lilliputtians are looking over the deck.
"These frilly bottom popinjays are terrible at controllin' the balls!" A Lilliputtian pirate captain decrees as he draws his sword. "We are the ball masters, says I! Argh!
His crew Arghs their agreement.
Suddenly another shout rings into the night "Shut your mouths, you show-boating pirates!" a French looking Lilliputtian comes into view as the Eiffel Tower lights up. "Everyone knows ze Eiffel Tower hole is ze best!"
His fellow French Lilliputtian shout in agreement.
Just when Ford thought things couldn't get more out of control, the castle lights up as manly Lilliputtian dressed as knights; step forward. "Stay thee your comments, ye scurrilous Frenchmen!" One says as he removes his helmet and shakes his hair. "None control the balls better than the knights of—"He stops and notices the graffiti. "Wiener Castle? Who wrote this?"
Franz moves forward. "We'll settle which hole is best! Attack!" Armed with golf pencils, the Dutchmen charge.
The children watch in awe as the Lilliputtian go into battle with one another swinging pencils and fake swords while trying to avoid falling into the lake.
Stan laughs "These guys are a riot!"
"Stan they're trying to kill each other." Ford lecturer.
"Guys, guys, calm down! Your fighting is sad. "Stan cut in. You guys are too…what's the word?"
"Adorable?" Fids asked.
Franz steps forward, now bruised and battered. "Adorable we are, hugeling, but our tale less so. Every hole in the park thinks they're superior, from the cowboys in the east to the grimy miners of the south. If only there was some way to decide which side is best, with... maybe... an award, or, like a trophy, I dunno."
One Lilliputtian gasped and points at Stan's sweater. "But Franz, look!"
"The sticker. The sticker could decide!" Franz exclaimed, noticing the sticker.
"It does say "Ze best" on it!" the French Lilliputtian agreed.
The Lilliputtian head Knight Lilliputtian nods. "Decide for us, hugeling! Choose which mini-kingdom to give the sticker to, and end our war!"
The Lilliputtians cheer.
Stan looks unsure "Uh, I don't know, guys. I'm not sure I wanna get involved in your weird mini-blood feud."
"Pst! Stan! This is perfect!" Fids whispered. They control the balls so they control the course! Just tell them you'll give the sticker to whichever group does a better job of helping us win!"
Stan bites his lip. "I'm not sure, Fids I'm all for cheating, but I already settled things with Preston."
"He's right Fids, this is your fight." Ford cut in. "Do you really want to know that you only won because you used Stan and these little guys to cheat?"
"Guys Preston's rich." Fids reminded them. "He's cheating at life. Please Stan do this for me?"
Stan sighs, how he could say no to that. ""Alright then. Whoever does the best job of helping me beat Preston in our golf tournament wins the sticker."
Fids gives an approving smile while Ford tries not to look disappointed. He wasn't mad at Stan per say. He knew his brother just wanted to help their friend, but Fids needed to fight this battle on his own.
"I will not be insulted by a man with no depth perception wearing earrings!" Franz yelled.
"Just remember, a-as long as you're helping us, no fighting," Ford added.
The Lilliputtians smiled and glanced around at each other mischievously.
Meanwhile outside Mabel and Ria are sitting in the car out in the parking lot doing their best to pass the time.
"How do you think they're doing?" Mabel asked looking up from her scrap book. She had started making a new one since the kids arrived.
"They'll be fine." Ria assures her as she stops her knitting to give her a pat on the knee.
Mabel smiled as she noticed Ria is knitting a sweater. "Finally giving larger garments a try I see?"
Ria smiles, Mabel had always been like a mother to her and had taught her to sow at a young age. She made purses mostly as well as hats and scarfs. Still she never could get the hang of more completes garments like shirts and pants no matter how much she tried. "My Abuelo says I should keep trying." She reveals.
"He always was a smart man." Mabel agreed. "You keep trying and let me know when you get stuck, we might be here a while and I don't mind helping."
Ria nods as the Northwest's car pulls up with Preston inside.
"Now remember my mother cannot know I am here." Preston snaps at the driver. "You pick me up in one hour got it!?"
He steps out of the car "Sergei," he snapped his fingers. The man got out of the trunk, grabbing the golf bag.
The car drives off as Preston and Sergei entered the golf park.
"How much do you want to bet they're no-shows?" Preston asked. A row of lights lit up, revealing Fids, Stan and Ford.
"Looking for someone?" Stan asked with a smirk.
"Waiting in the dark, not creepy at all," Preston said sarcastically. "Honestly, I don't know why you bothered to come. Unless you've got something up your sStanves."
"Oh, you could say we've got a little something," Fids admits nervously, nudging Ford with his elbow. A Lilliputtian peeked out from Fid's sStanve, and he shoved it back in.
Ford laughs nervously and find he can't stop.
Stan gives them both a look of horror, man these two were terrible lairs. He leads the group to the first hole.
"Eighteen holes. Standard rules," Sergei said. "Winner lives in glory, loser wallows in eternal shame. On your mark... get set..." he shot a blank gun, "mini golf!"
And with that the game begins at the cowboy hole, Preston putted, hitting the golf ball. The cowboy Lilliputtians climb out of a mini covered wagon. They moved it to block his ball. Then Stan putted. The Lilliputtians moved the grass to push his golf ball towards the hole. A cowboy shot at the ball from the mini water tower, shooting it into the hole. Stan gave them a thumbs up. The cowboys turned to mock the pirates, who growled.
At the pirate hole, Stan hit his ball into the pirate ship. The pirate Lilliputtians shot the golf ball out of a cannon and into the hole.
"Out of the way!" Preston snapped, shoving Stan aside. He smacked the golf ball with his club, but it shot right back at him, landing in his mouth. Preston growled, spitting the ball out. "Are you serious?!"
The pirate Lilliputtians cheered. They poked holes in the side of a Root Beer can, drinking the soda. One pirate raised the flag.
At the miner hole, Stan putted, and his ball rolled into the mine.
"Haha, miner hole," Ford chuckled, holding the score sheet and a mini pencil. "I wonder what cute, silly things are going on down there."
The golf ball rolled down the mine, landing in a mine cart. Two miner Lilliputtians prepared to push the cart along the tracks.
"Stop! You can't go in there!" A third miner cried, running up. "There's been a gas leak! Anyone who goes in there will DIE!"
The miners grouped together, looking scared. The crowd parted as a large Lilliputtian approached.
"I'll take it," he said.
"No! Don't go, Big Henry!" A little girl sobbed, running up and hugging him. "We need you here!"
"Go home, Polly," Big Henry said. He pushed the cart into the mine, leaving the others to stare after him. He walked through the gas, sweating and breathing heavily.
Up outside, Stan and Preston stood silently, waiting for the golf ball. Stan coughed awkwardly, and Preston checked his watch.
Big Henry was still walking through the mine. He slapped himself.
"Come on, Big Henry," he spoke. "You can do this."
He reached the end of the track, and struggled to push a button on an elevator, sending the golf ball up. He gasped, collapsing besides the track. He pulled out a drawing of him and Polly. He smiled, his eyes filling with tears, before he groaned and stopped moving.
He smiled, his eyes filling with tears, before he groaned and stopped moving
The golf ball rolled out of the mine and into the hole.
"What?!" Preston yelled. He threw his club, which Sergei caught. "Sergei! Soda! Now!"
The twins watched as the two of them walked off. Stan lifted up the lid of the miner hole.
"Ok, guys, that was amazing," he smiled.
"Hey, little high sixes, everyone," Fids said, holding out a finger. "Little high sixes all around." He gave each Lilliputtian a high six. "Nice one... You did it... You're the man."
"I don't wanna call it out early, but I think the miners might have one of these in their future!" Stan said, pointing to the sticker.
The miner Lilliputtians cheered.
Franz watched the scene from the window in the windmill, looking through a telescope.
"Are you kidding me?!" He yelled. "After everything we worked for!"
"Calm yourself, Franz," a second Lilliputtian said. "There may be another way to win the hugeling's favor. Knock on wood."
The two knocked on their wooden shoes.
Meanwhile Preston was sitting on a bench while Sergei got a Pitt Cola from a nearby vending machine.
"There's something going on, Sergei," Preston said. "I can feel it."
"Maybe they have little people who control where the balls go," Sergei said, handing Preston the soda.
"Hoo, we gotta get you English lessons," Preston said. "I mean, think about it. I'm globally ranked. It's ridiculous that he's beating me!" Neither of them noticed a small figure darting to hide behind the bush. Preston took a sip of the Putt Cola and spat out the pit. "Ew, Pitt Cola. I always forget about the pit. Get me a new one, Sergei."
Sergei faced the vending machine to get another soda. A tiny hand tapped Preston's shoulder and he was dragged into the bush. Sergei turned around, seeing that the boy was missing. "This is bad."
Stan paces by the next hole nervously, it's the same one he missed this morning. He knows he won't miss this time thanks to their 'little helpers', But he's starting to think that maybe he should have put his foot down with Fids earlier.
Nearby Ford was tallying up the scores.
"I can't wait to see the look on Preston's face when we win," Ford chuckled. "I bet it'll be something like 'ugh'." He made a disgusted face. "You know how he does that? 'Ugh'."
"Hey bro?" Stan said, fiddling with his club. He looks over to Fids who is speaking to some of the Lilliputtians. "Do you think it's right of me to let this be going so far?"
"What do you mean?" Ford asked.
"This thing between Fids and Preston, I don't mind standing up for him, but I'm fighting a battle I don't even want to." Stan admitted. "I'm letting the guy have power over me after I decided I couldn't care less what Preston thinks. Worse I'm actually enjoying making him look like a fool." He shook his head. "Do you think I'm a bad person for feeling good that he feels bad?"
"Stanley I'm glad that you want to take the high road, it's shown how much you've grown." Ford assured him. "You learned that Preston is a rich fake who has to buy his way to the top, and found your own worth. I learned with Cooper that I have to face my attackers head own instead of hiding behind someone else. Fids he needs to learn a similar lesson, but he just hasn't figured it out yet."
"I thought you nerds were supposed to be smart." Stan jabbed.
"Book smart." Ford reminded his brother. "Street smarts is more your thing. In the meantime, just enjoy knocking him down a peg. A little loss never hurt anybody."
The three friends jump as they hear Preston scream. They turn to see him tied down in front of the windmill, surrounded by the Dutch Lilliputtians.
"What's going on?!" Preston yelled. "Let me go!"
"Welcome friends, welcome!" Franz smiled. "I can tell you're loving this, right? Right? No?"
"What are you guys doing?!" Stan cried.
"This wasn't part of the deal, tiny Dutchman!" Ford glared.
"Deal?" Preston looks confused but it doesn't last long. "You cheat, this is why you were winning, what are these your robots are something?"
"Seriously? Does it look like we have any control here?" Fids snapped back.
"Guys lets just relax." Stan advised. "What's going on?" He asked Franz,
"Ok, so we saw how much you were favoring the miners, and we thought 'What's better than beating Preston?'" Franz blew a raspberry, slapping his forehead. "Killing him! Right?"
"Yeah right!" Preston snapped, struggling against the rope. "I'm calling my mom! Where's my phone?!"
The Lilliputtians giggled as they typed out a text message reading 'U R DUMM!' on Preston's phone.
"Hehe, send," the Dutchman said, pressing the button.
"Hey, HEY!" Preston shouted.
"So hows about it, hugeling?" Franz asked with a smile. "Who's 'da best' now?"
"Not so fast, landlubber!" The pirate captain yelled. A light shone on the pirate ship, showing that they had captured Sergei. "If you're going to play dirty, so are we. Now give us the sticker, or he walks the plank!"
"No, give us ze sticker!" A French Lilliputtian yelled.
"The miners! Give it to the miners!" The miner Lilliputtians clambered. All of the Lilliputtians fought and yelled for the sticker.
"ENOUGH!" Stan yelled, silencing the entire park. "You know what? You know what? No one gets the sticker!"
The Lilliputtians began to boo him.
"No, no. Nuh-uh. No booing- stop, no!" Stan said angrily. "No one gets the sticker cuz you're all being jerks! I mean, why can't you all just get along?"
There was a pause.
"Because we hate each other!" A Dutch Lilliputtian spoke up.
"That's kind of how rivalries work, lad," the pirate captain said.
"Well then, maybe..." Stan looked at Fids and then Preston, "maybe rivalries are dumb. Maybe you don't settle them with petty competition. Maybe the only way to be 'da best' is to stop fighting and work together!"
Stan peeled the sticker off his shirt, balled it up, and ate it.
"Stan, did you really just...?" Ford trailed off.
The Lilliputtians gasped and mumbled quietly to each other.
"It's all so clear," s Dutchman said.
"If we work together..." Franz began.
"Then we can cut open his belly and get the sticker!" The pirate captain finished, brandishing a mini sword. The Lilliputtians cheered, rushing forward.
"Get ze boy! Slice him open!" A French Lilliputtian yelled.
Chaos erupts while the tinny creatures race at Stan. "Uh, I don't think you guys are getting the point, here," Stan said nervously. As the Lilliputtians ran by, they accidentally flipped a lever. Preston, still tied to the ground, started moving towards the now-spinning blades of the windmill. He screamed, trying to break free of the ropes with little success.
Fids sees him and rushes over to him, thankfully the Lilliputtians are so focused on Stan, he makes it over with ease.
"We have to get out of here!" Ford yelled, looking at the exit.
Stan looked back at Preston and sees Fids coming to his aid. "We can't leave them; we need a plan!"
"I'll get Sergei while you distract the masses well catch up with Fids after." Ford decides.
"On it!" Stan shouts before he climbs up a lamp post, followed by the hoard of Lilliputtians. He swung along a string of lights, dodging the miniature pencils.
Meanwhile Ford takes advantage of the opening his brother gave him to run to Sergei's aid.
"Ahh! Mister Stanford!" Sergei cried, about to fall off the plank. "Het! Het!"
"Don't worry, man!" Ford called. "The water is shallow! There's no way to drown!"
Suddenly Sergei fell face-first into the water, and with his limbs tied down tight he can't get up.
"Seriously?" Ford rolled his eyes as he ran over.
"Ugh, took you long enough," Preston complained as Fids started to untie him. "And watch the rings! They're worth more than your house!"
"I could still leave you, you know." Fids reminds him.
Preston's eyes widened. "Untie me! Untie me!" He cried fearfully.
"That's what I thought," Fids laughed slightly. He pulled Preston free only to be surrounded by Lilliputtians as Stan comes to join them.
"We have you at miniat-ARR pencil point!" The pirate captain growled. "There's no way around us!"
"You ready to putt?" Stan asked as he raised his own club with a smirk.
"Way ahead of you," Preston said, kicking his club up and grabbing it.
"Fids catch!" Ford throws him an extra club.
Fids manages to catch it as the enemy attacks. The three boys began to swing at the Lilliputtians.
"You know, you're not half bad." Preston says to Fids. "Your form is sloppy but-"
"Just shut up and putt!" Stan shouted. They hit the Lilliputtians out of the way as Ford and Sergei rode up on the golf cart.
"Get on, get on!" Ford urged. Stan, Fids, and Preston jumped onto the cart.
"Floor it!" Stan ordered, and they speed for the exist.
"Don't let them escape!" The pirate captain yelled.
. The knight Lilliputtians cut a string, releasing a pair of swinging axes in front of the gate. Ford drove faster and they zoomed through the door, doing a loop-de-loop and causing Sergei to fall off.
"Sergei overboard!" The man yelled.
Everyone looks at each other as if thinking about stopping.
"...I'll buy a new one," Preston said after a moment.
"They're locking us in!" Ford cried, seeing the Lilliputtians trying to close the doors. A pencil tip poked through the top of the cart.
Fids grips his club tightly and grunts climbing up onto the roof of the golf cart where Franz stood.
"Don't even think about it," Franz growled, holding a miniature pencil. "You know you're no golfer, you needed us and your friend to even face your rival. Without us, that club is useless in your hands!"
"Oh yeah? Well what's two plus two?" Fids asked. "Two plus...? Uh, hold on," Franz murmured.
"FOUR!" Fids yelled, smacking Franz into the bonus hole. The fake volcano glowed, shooting up a column of fake lava. The golf cart rode on the lava through the door, skidding to a halt in the parking lot. The cart fell apart as the doors slammed shut. Pencils and even an axe poked through the doors.
"And stay out, you dumb hugelings!" Franz yelled. Golf balls were thrown over the wall.
"What did you say, you little trolls?!" Preston yelled. He stomped towards the closed doors. "I will sue you! I will sue you, and then I will own you!"
He punched the door, breathing heavily. He spun around to face the three friends.
"You three!" He snapped. "I don't know what you did or what's going on, but if you think just because you saved my life I-"
Fids steps forward. "No, you win." He admitted. "I cheated and had others play for me. You would have beaten me. Fair and square."
"Me too." Stan admitted.
"We just got angry that you stole our front-page spot." Fords revealed. "Very important people are coming to that science fair and our future is really riding on them noticing us."
"Well if you dweebs hadn't exposed my family secret, I wouldn't have had to steal your front page." Preston said defensively. "My mother keeps getting calls, and apologizing to everyone, for a lie she didn't even know was a lie! I needed a way to distract the masses."
Ford frowns, so this was his fault. "Can we just agree that our fighting only makes things worse for all of us and move on?" He asked hopefully.
"Fine." Preston says. "But only because you admitted to my victory." Preston said, folding his arms.
Moments later Mabel and Ria pull up in the car the three friends waste no time climbing in. They look back at Preston and sees him looking around expectantly.
Stan and Ford look at Fids who sighs. "Hey! Your Driver isn't here. You need a ride or something?"
"As if I would ride in your-" Preston was cut off by the sound of thunder.
Mabel gives him a reassuring smile. "It's okay Preston we won't bite."
Preston huffs but gets in and is soon smushed between the twins in the back seat of Mabel's car.
"Singing the driving song," Mabel hummed. "Headlights are out. Can't really see where I'm going."
Preston visibly cringed at the singing. His gloved hand rested on a sticky spot on the seat.
"Ew!" He said, pulling his hand away.
"Man, I'm starving." Stan said.
"Oh, I picked up Tacos before you guys can out." Mabel told him. "They're behind you in the back."
Stan reaches for them and passes them around.
"You're allowed to eat in the car?" Preston asked with surprise.
"Yeah, Gruntie Mabel is cool like that." Stan answers.
"Awe Stan." Mabel coos
"You want one?" Stan asked.
"Oh, I'm not supposed to take handouts," Preston denied.
"'Handouts'?" Fids raised an eyebrow. "It's called sharing! You... you do know what sharing is, right?"
"Sha-shaawing?" Preston tried to say.
"Just take it," Stan handed the taco to Preston.
Ford laughs as Preston takes it and opens it before taking an experimental bite. "How is the peasant food?" He joked.
"Not bad." Preston admitted as he finished it quietly. Moments later they pulled up to Northwest Manor, and Preston stepped out of the car.
"Thanks for the ride, and food or whatever," Preston said, waving his hand. "Oh, and I uh, I can't
"So are you guys, like, cool now?" Ford asked.
"Awe maybe they is hope for him." Mabel said.
"So are you kids all friends now?" Ria asked.
The twins look to Fids.
"I think we made some progress," Fids said.
Stan nods "The important thing to remember is that at the end of the day, he's just an ordinary kid like us."
They watch as the gates of the manor swung open, revealing a garden complete with fountains and peacocks. Fireworks that read 'Congrats Preston!' went off.
Silence follows...
"… We should have charged him for that taco." Ford whispers.
"Agreed!" They all laugh as the car drives away. However, unbeknownst to them, Franz was riding on the back of the car.
"Laugh now, hugelings, but Franz will have his day!" The Lilliputtian said. "Franz will-" He fell off the car, landing upside-down in some sand. "Ah, help! Sand trap, ow, ow!"
Meanwhile the Lilliputtians were finally singing their song together back at the park.
"We control the balls! We control the balls! From Birmingham to Montreal, we control the balls!"
A miner Lilliputtian stepped forward.
"Hey guys, I figured it out!" He said. "We control the balls!"
"Now he gets it!" A second Lilliputtian stepped forward.
"Oh, you guys!" The miner laughed.
"Our lives are filled with nonstop fun! But there's nothing like a hole in one!"
They struck a finishing pose. Sergei, who was sitting in front of them, clapped. "Can I go now?" He asked.
"NEVER!" they screamed leaving the hugeling to his fate of eternal song.
-To Be Continued