Xander was really surprised to realize how much he'd needed this.
Sure, he loved Willow and Buffy in nearly all the permissible ways this could be defined, and there was the whole frenemies relationship (with benefits) this high school student had for a while with Cordelia Chase, but actual male bonding time with another guy his age? This hadn't happened since Jesse and that was years ago now.
Yeah, okay, so Xander was at first required to take on about 95% of the entire conversation, but Oz finally loosened up at their latest school library chat together in delivering actual complete sentences. This laconic musician was still as funny as ever, even given the importance of them trying to find a weakness to use against the Mayor set on becoming one huge mothering demon at graduation.
Unfortunately, neither were having very much luck searching through Giles' dustiest books on the last weekend before that ceremony. Trying to divert themselves from an onrushing sense of hopelessness, Xander and Oz soon began bouncing off each other potential battle strategies which eventually degenerated into a half-joking competition to come up with something even dumber than Oz's hummus plan.
Once they'd finally run out of stupid ideas, the conversation drifted into other topics, such as how their graduation might've turned out if Mayor Dick had instead months earlier choked to death on a chicken bone rather than setting out to chow down next week on the students lining up to receive their diplomas. Naturally, several media depictions of this rite of passage and the parties afterwards were soon cited, such as Say Anything, last year's Can't Hardly Wait, and even the unbelievable Grease musical film.
"Those actors were supposed to be definite high schoolers? Oh, come on! None of them were anywhere as young as the characters they were portraying, and a lot were way older than that!" Xander incredulously declared.
Oz allowed an amused twitch to appear on his lips. "Yeah," he agreed, "nobody behaves like that in real life, either. I mean, who'd think they'd get away with something at graduation like…" Mentally hunting for a proper example, this short teenager paused for a moment before mentioning the ending of a certain 1983 film.
Xander promptly snickered, indicating he'd also seen that same movie. A silence then descended in the library while both guys there thought things over for a short while.
"Hey…" eventually came from Xander.
Oz quirked an eyebrow into the other boy's direction. "What?"
Xander shook his head, "Nah, it'd never work. What you just said, nobody really acts that way, and even if they do, only the characters acting badly in some mindless, low-budget flick would respond like we might hope for."
Now definitely perplexed, Oz ran the last few minutes through his head again. He blinked once. "You can't be serious."
Shrugging, Xander admitted, "Yeah, you're right. Let's forget the whole thing."
It became quiet in the library once more.
After another couple of moments, Oz cleared his throat. "It'd still be one heck of a distraction."
"Yup."
"Wouldn't last long, though."
"Yup."
"Might be all that'll need to work."
"Yup."
"Problem is, two seconds after Buffy hears about this, she'll stuff us both in the nearest trash can and then kick it out ten miles past the city limits."
"Yup."
Oz regarded Xander with growing disfavor. "So why are we even talking about it?"
In turn, Xander sent towards Oz his best smirk. "Because there's one girl we both know who'll actually hear us out instead of throwing the first thing she picks up really hard at our heads."
"Willow," happily chorused the boys.
Willow Rosenberg looked nervously around at the Chase family mansion back garden, at present filled up with virtually every female graduating Sunnydale High student. A swift flare of irritation stiffened her spine at two other people of the masculine gender making sure today to stay away as far as possible from here while leaving Willow in the lurch.
"Cowards," Willow grumpily muttered under her breath.
Hearing that quite well with her Slayer ears, Buffy glanced with puzzlement at the other girl she was standing next to in the garden. "What's that about?" Buffy asked.
Willow winced, but she rallied to say, "Oh, you'll find out, along with the rest."
This was finished by Willow indicating with a wave of her hand at the crowd before the pair. As if this gesture had summoned her, Cordelia strode from the forefront where she'd been conferred with her cheerleading team.
This young lady imperiously informed Willow, "All right, Rosenberg, we're all here, like you wanted! It better be important, what you're going to tell us about how we're going to fight the Mayor."
Willow sent a sickly smile around, just before raising her voice so that everyone could hear. "Um, about that… It's based on that man's psychological profile which revealed a definite weakness to give us a chance to distract him while Buffy does her job of taking him down for once and all."
The crowd perked up a little at hearing there was a honest-to-goodness plan maybe saving them all from being devoured by a demon at graduation. They expectantly waited for more from Willow, who regrettably only looked even more uncomfortable under everyone's gazes.
Soon enough, Buffy reached out to poke Willow on her shoulder to get this girl's attention. "Well? Are there, like, more details? Such as what's possibly gonna sidetrack somebody who's spent over a hundred years planning his big change into major demonhood?"
Instead of answering right away, Willow blushed bright red while also shutting tightly her eyes to avoid looking at anyone. She began to gabble, "That's exactly why it might work, how long the Mayor's spent as a prim, straitlaced guy—"
Cordelia interrupted this with a roared, "ROSENBERG! What're we supposed to do?"
Mayor Wilkins beamingly regarded his repast today from the temporary stage set up on Sunnydale High's football field. Just moments from now, after his speech to the graduating students and their families, he'd ascend into becoming an Olvikan demon and sup upon those fine people. Hmm, all of the female students were for some reason seated in a single bloc together in front of the stage, with the boys and the non-participants on the sides and at the rear of the audience.
Perhaps he'd eat the girls last, saving the best for the main course, Wilkins inwardly chuckled. Around him, the air abruptly dimmed into darkness. He and the rest of the crowd looked up at an unexpected eclipse of the sun, with only the Mayor having anticipated this in advance. Excellent, the vampires led by that rude demon who referred to himself as Spike were now getting from under cover and advancing upon the humans to prevent any of them from escaping.
Stepping towards the stage microphone, Mayor Wilkins knew a century of hard work was finally reaching its culmination. Nothing could stop him now!
Minutes later, that appeared to have turned out to be absolutely accurate. The Mayor was now an enormous snake coiled up on the stage, the cowering audience was surrounding by vampires and other demons, Principal Snyder was just about to make a break for it…and the entire female student bloc simultaneously stood up from their seats.
This action caught everyone's eye, leading to a short pause while they all watched in confusion at the girls there taking off their graduation caps to then drop this headgear onto the ground. Next, a multitude of feminine fingers unbuttoned the top clasp of their gowns. With a ripple of fabric, all of these ceremonial robes slipped off the shoulders of Buffy, Willow, Cordelia, Harmony, Aphrodesia, and many other Sunnydale High graduating girls, revealing them all to be…
Topless.
Not a single girl wore anything above their pants, exposing to the entire audience numerous pairs of youthful bare breasts.
Mayor Wilkins froze.
Principal Snyder froze.
Spike the vampire froze.
Xander Harris froze.
Daniel Osbourne froze.
The remainder of the entire male contingent there froze. Even Larry Blaisdell and a couple more did it, too.
Taking a deep breath while bringing up the massive battleaxe she'd been hiding under her gown, Buffy leapt towards the stage. She landed there and then commenced jumping up onto the snake's coils, soon reaching her goal of standing directly atop Wilkins' reptile skull. Alas, he'd never even noticed, instead continuing to gape at the rest of the half-nude girls before him.
The crowd's scrutiny of Buffy's actions, though, was total, especially among the XY group fixedly gawking at how her still-jiggling breasts were thrust forwards when the Slayer lifted with both hands her battleaxe and then brought down this weapon with immense force between Wilkins' eyes, burying almost the entire blade there.
Crashing down onto the stage, the Olvikan demon and the Slayer began their dance of death.
Watching it all with horrified fascination, Xander heard from his right side out on the field in an English accent, "Hullo, sonny, isn't that something to see?"
Whirling around to point his crossbow at Spike peacefully standing there a few steps away and lighting up a fag, Xander didn't instantly fire. Maybe this had to do with how Spike was just leering at the topless girls through a cloud of cigarette smoke instead of attacking anyone.
Spike then sent a true shit-eating grin Xander's way. "Oh, relax, you little wanker. I'm calling a truce here between me and all the happy meals. Can't pass up the chance of seeing how it ends, hah?"
Xander lowered his weapon slightly.
Spike's evil smirk lessened a bit at seeing just where the razor-tipped crossbow bolt was now aimed, just below the vampire's belt buckle. He sneered, "Fine, be like that."
Taking another puff on his cigarette, Spike continued to regard with professional interest how Buffy was making evident progress in winning against that soddin' worm. He also took the chance for another sidelong study of all those fine Bristol bits. Unable to resist, Spike asked that kiddie, "How'd you lot come up with this scheme, anyway?"
Still keeping his crossbow unwaveringly aimed at Spike's crotch, Xander shortly responded, "There's an American teen sex comedy called Private School that came out in 1983. The ending has the graduating girls moon the camera."
Spike huffed both a dirty laugh and more cigarette smoke. "But you upped the stakes so that bloody snollygoster who's all big on family values got hypnotized long enough for the Slayer to hand him his arse now."
Xander couldn't help glancing quickly over there. Sure enough, Wilkins was limply down for the count, his entire head nearly completely decapitated save for a strip of scales. Xander continued to watch while a triumphant Buffy dripping with blood which also trickled from the tips of her nipples stalked over there, battleaxe ready for a final terminal stroke.
From behind, Xander heard from a very amused Spike, "I used to be a poet, y'know. There's loads of symbolism to be found there, particularly if you're the bloke who thought up this in the first place."
With a flash of steel, Buffy chopped off the Mayor's head. At the same time, Xander uneasily squeezed hard his legs together.
He was in so much trouble.