"I'm going to kill Dumbledore," James Potter announced with deadly certitude in his tone.

With a snarl somehow sounding even more dangerous than her husband's grim voice, Lily Potter countered, "Not if I get to him first. Then, the rest of you idiots can line up for your own turn!"

She glared at James and the others clustered around her by the lonely road next to the absurd vehicle parked there, who abruptly developed mutual sheepish expressions on their various new faces easily seen by the illumination provided by the full moon overhead.

Well, except for Peter, who was just standing there, swaying to and fro on his feet with a faraway look in his eyes, and mumbling, "Oh, wowwwww, the colors, the colors…"

Lily ignored that for now to instead hiss at James, Sirius, and Remus, "Couldn't you have at least bothered to ask the Headmaster a few little details in advance? Such as, where were we going to be sent, and more importantly, when? Not to mention appearing here without our wands or even any magic at all as completely different people!"

Giving their chest one last disbelieving prod through the thick sweater Remus was presently wearing, this former Marauder tried to protest, "Lily, Dumbledore sprang it completely by surprise on everybody when he called us into his office! The spell to transport us into this dimension away from Voldemort wasn't going to last much longer, which is why we had no choice but to get you and Harry from Godric's Hollow to Hogwarts as fast as possible without any time for explanations!"

"Really?" Lily snorted.

She paused to smile evilly at Remus in their new outfit consisting of an orange turtleneck sweater, a red skirt, and knee-high orange socks paired with sensible flats. "Did you bother to notice it's the full moon and nothing bad's happening to you?"

"What!?" yelped Remus, as this young woman snapped her head upwards to gape through her thick glasses at the lunar satellite shining brightly in the clear night sky.

Bringing down her head to slowly grin in delight at Lily, Remus excitedly said, "I don't feel anything from my werewolf curse! This body must never have been bitten!"

Lily just lifted an eyebrow. "Which means…?"

Remus stared in confusion at his best friend's wife continuing to regard her with gloating anticipation, "Um…nothing? What's the problem?"

Shaking her head, Lily sighed, "And you're supposed to be the most intelligent one of your little gang. Let's just say, depending how it hits you, before the next full moon you might wind up wishing for something a lot less painful than turning into a werewolf!"

Needing to actually think that over, Remus eventually paled so sickly that her freckles were quite discernible even in the moonlight at exactly what the female body this former wizard currently occupied was going to go through in the following thirty days…

Satisfied at gaining the first of her revenge against those morons, Lily glanced down at her next victim. She purred at the Great Dane warily seated on his haunches there, "Say, Sirius, did you know that in the muggle world, dogs can't talk?"

"Rey can't?" the enormous canine frowned out loud, his eyebrows lowering in sudden puzzlement.

"No," Lily smirked at Sirius. "They especially don't have that ridiculous speech impediment you do. Not that it matters. The first time you open your mouth around other muggles, they're going to want to know how you did this. I'm sure that soon enough, you'll be strapped down to a lab table somewhere for a veterinarian's examination and it'll involve stuff being shoved far up where you really don't want it to go!"

"Mmmmmfffff!" Sirius frantically clamped an oversized paw over his mouth in horrified alarm.

Snickering, Lily then moved on to her dearly beloved husband, who backed up a step at the icy glower he was receiving. James heard from the woman he'd promised at their wedding to cherish and honor forever, "Honey, I'm not sure I ever mentioned this before…but I hate blondes."

"Huh?" James gawked at Lily thoughtfully nodding her head. From out of the corner of his eye, he spotted his reflection in one of the side mirrors of that strangely painted auto-mabile which showed James that he indeed possessed a thick coiffure of that exact golden shade—

"Oh, yes," James' attention was abruptly brought back to where Lily had just stepped up close to him, looking up worshipfully with her new, beautiful visage, while she continued, "I'm sure that the soonest you can get your hands on some scissors and a razor, you'll shave your head completely bald to show how much you adore me!"

This time, it was James who quickly patted his hand with sudden dread on the top of his head, feeling the profuse layer of hair there that would beyond a doubt be totally gone within the next twenty-four hours. It didn't matter the slightest how much James hated having to do that; it was either him removing it…or Lily would when he was asleep. If he was lucky, she'd stop right there.

If not, Harry was going to be an only child.

"Yes, dear," James Potter groaned in total defeat.

Jerking her chin up to savor her triumph, Lily eyed her final target, only to find herself something at a loss by Peter in turn happily waving at Prongs' mate.

They all heard him then declare to her in a drawling croon, "Lils, Lils, Lilssssss… There was something important I was going to say, but I can't remember it now!"

Lily, James, and Remus all looked at each other and rolled their eyes in unison with justified exasperation.

Even Sirius lower down to the ground wrinkled his big black nose and muttered, "Re reeks like a joint ficker zhan Hagrid's leg!"

Contemplating how Peter was absorbedly studying his fingernails, Lily had to agree. "We're going to have to keep him out of sight in the back of that car, or the first bobby to come along will arrest both him and us for possession with intent to distribute!"

"Food?"

After saying that, Peter's head twisted around to stare with evident hunger at the van's rear doors. The goateed man then swiftly shambled over there to open these and climb in, vanishing from sight accompanied by the sounds of tearing paper and chomping jaws drifting from the interior of that vehicle.

"Looks like he found something to eat," James grumbled. He glanced at the others. "Come on, let's get to our next case before Peter starts gnawing on the seats."

Just before they would've also taken their usual places in the Mystery Machine, an anxious Lily called, "Hold it! Where's Harry?"

As if this mere mention of his name summoned him, a Great Dane puppy burst out from the grass lining the road, dashing on all four feet to stop in front of Lily. This little dog then rolled over to present his tummy for a good rub from Mum, stubby tail wriggling away like mad.

Bending down to do this while Harry whined with pleasure, Lily told her son, "Good boy! Now, come along!"

Doing a fast rotation of his entire furry body, the panting puppy put his nose down to the ground for one last quick sniff while he sped towards the van. This meant Harry didn't look where he was going at full tilt, directly at where Uncle Siri was also trotting on his massive paws to the back of the van.

Promptly overtaking the bigger Great Dane, the puppy's forehead rammed with agonizing force right into the particular dangling canine bits of which Sirius Black treasured as deeply as any male normally would.

Freezing stock-still, the enormous dog moaned, "Ru-roh," his eyes slowly crossing.

Then, Sirius fell over and curled up on the ground in a whole new world of utter misery.

Lily picked up the stunned puppy and patted her little boy, who responded by eagerly licking her face.

In between this, she smiled at a whimpering Sirius, "Get up and walk it off, you wanker. If it makes you feel any better, I'll do something a lot worse to Dumbledore when he finally brings us back!"