Xander Harris entered the lobby of the headquarters building for the Cleveland Slayers House that afternoon after most of the day away on personal business, only to pause at seeing there several of the other senior members of the New Council apparently waiting for him. Making him even more suspicious by the moment, they were all bearing identical gleefully suffused expressions of barely-restrained mirth, almost as if they knew a really big joke he'd somehow missed.
"Okay," Xander carefully asked no one in particular of Dawn, Faith, Rona, and Vi. "What's going on?"
Dawn answered for them all, smirking fit to beat the band, "We had someone here accidentally say the w-word, and it got granted."
Groaning in genuine exasperation, Xander clapped the palm of his hand against his forehead, and then glanced around the lobby with equally sudden trepidation. Relaxing slightly at seeing nothing particularly amiss, he said thankfully, "So, no big changes? We didn't turn into a completely new universe?"
"Doesn't feel like it, Boytoy," Faith drawled. Though, the very evil grin she then sent towards Xander wasn't all that reassuring.
"Fine," gritted Xander. "What's so funny, then?"
The four young women broke into mutual guffaws, with Rona unable to stop laughing but gesturing for him to come along with them, anyway. The still-snickering females headed towards the double doors to the main gym, with a baffled Xander trailing after them.
Vi pushed open the right-hand door to the accompaniment of her unceasing giggles. Even more hilarity resounded from the interior of the gym, along with a man's angry yelling, "WILL YOU QUIT IT! IT'S NOT FAIR!"
Xander stopped dead in his tracks. He worriedly mentioned, "Please tell me it wasn't Andrew who-"
Unable to finish that sentence due to the enthusiastic nodding from his friends, Xander trudged into the gym, glumly prepared for almost anything except for what he beheld in the large room with exercise mats scattered throughout the area.
Upon many of these mats, close to a dozen Slayers of all ages and experience were rolling around on the floor, holding their aching sides from near-continuous laughter which battered Xander's ears. Standing in the middle of the gym, Andrew Wells clad in oddly-familiar robes was glaring with intense loathing at those mocking young ladies.
Catching sight of Xander gaping at this absurd scene, Andrew's face speedily changed from annoyance into an actual pout as he called out to his fellow Sunnydale native, "Xander! Tell them to stop doing that! It's not my fault, what went wrong!"
Sending Andrew a beady stare from his remaining eye, Xander responded with evident irritation at the apparent cause of all this excitement today, "Oh, so you actually meant to use the double-you plus 'ish' thing we tell everyone never to say, right?"
An extremely guilty expression flashed over Andrew's face. He found the tips of his soft boots to now be of supreme importance, judging from how hard Andrew was examining them to avoid looking at Xander. Sheepishly mumbling during this, Andrew offered, "It just slipped out! What really bugs me is why all the other stuff came from a completely different movie! I wasn't even thinking of it!"
Knowing he was going to regret this, Xander couldn't help wanting to know, "What stuff?"
Hearing this made Andrew perk up, only to cautiously request from Xander, "You promise not to laugh?"
The abrupt hush into complete silence from their previous amusement by all the rest of the gym's occupants made Xander pause to look around. He found the intent stares of the Slayers (not to mention Dawn) presently upon him and Andrew to be quite unnerving, as if they were waiting for Xander to set up the ultimate punchline.
Nonetheless, just to satisfy his growing curiousity about what was the whole big deal, Xander told Andrew, "Yeah, okay. Get on with it, already!"
Drawing himself up with actual dignity, Andrew cast one last wrathful glare at the expectant feminine audience before he held out both arms, palms uppermost, and then intoned, "May the Schwartz be with me!"
From out of thin air, a short metal rod appeared and dropped into Andrew's waiting hands. He next lowered his fingers grasping the unusual baton to put this down at several inches below his navel, pointing the rod away from him.
There was a very good reason for this latter action, since in the next second, a straight bar of pure energy, about a meter long and consisting of a decidedly bizarre color, erupted from the far end of the metal rod. Keeping the baton at the same level all throughout this, Andrew then began thrusting and spinning and sweeping back and forth the energy weapon.
Xander tore away his fascinated gaze from all this to ask Dawn unbelievingly, "Andrew wished, for like the millionth time, to be a Jedi? And some vengeance demon listening in on this actually granted it?"
Raising her voice over the loud sniggers starting again from the other Slayers, Dawn told Xander, "Not quite. Yes, he's a Jedi. The problem is, whoever answered the wish, they didn't turn him into a Star Wars Jedi. Look, I know you've seen the film. Remember what Andrew just said?"
Xander frowned, replaying in his head the scene of a few moments ago. "Something about the Schwartz- Oh, come on!"
He gawked at where Andrew was still playing with his lightsaber illuminated in its pink-white-brown colors before stating in a voice of purest incredulity, "What we've got here is a Spaceballs Jedi?!"
"You betcha, down to the flesh-colored lightsaber," contributed Rona in her driest tone. This black woman then went on with matching sarcasm, "Not to mention what set us all off then and is gonna do it again in three-two-one-"
"NOOOOO!" howled Andrew at how his lightsaber beam abruptly went limp from its previous rigidity, dangling uselessly to the floor. He let loose with one hand to clench it into a fist and whack the hilt of this energy weapon several times to no avail.
Watching all this, Xander felt a terrible impulse to break his promise to take Andrew seriously and instead start laughing at the top of his lungs at the frantic guy in his Jedi robes hopping around and shaking the malfunctioning lightsaber. But, no, he was going to keep his word, no matter how difficult it might be...
"Work! Work! Please work!" Andrew begged of the dysfunctional device he was still holding.
From where Faith was standing by Xander, she leaned over to whisper into his ear, "Can't tell ya how many times I've heard the same thing in bed from other guys even after they've downed a king-size bottle of Viagra!"
That did it.
Collapsing onto his knees at the nearest exercise mat, Xander finished off this descent by topping over on his side and curling up to howl with uproarious laughter all during this. He was joined by each and every one of his companions, none of whom paid all that much attention to how Andrew abruptly froze to stare with honest betrayal at Xander Harris having fun at his expense.
The lightsaber vanished into thin air as swiftly as it'd previously appeared. Turning his hands into claws aimed at a certain part of Xander's body, an outraged Andrew Wells went over to the Dark Schwartz.
"YEEOOOWWWW!"
Convulsing to clutch at the crushing pressure applied to his groin, Xander bellowed in agony.
From where she was also lying down on the floor nearby, Vi used all her Slayer speed to yank off a sneaker and hurl this shoe with the exact level of force necessary directly at Andrew's forehead. That sneaker hit and bounced off from there, rendering Andrew promptly unconscious as he limply fell backwards onto the gym floor.
Xander sagged in his sudden relief from the end of that unbearable grip onto his family jewels, which were now painfully throbbing like nobody's business.
Dawn and the Slayers scrambled up onto their feet (well, Vi did it in one sneaker and one foot). Rona and a couple of Slayers from where they were clustered around him warily regarded Andrew out cold and a big lump already swelling onto his forehead.
They heard Dawn tell them, "Pick him up and put him in the infirmary's magic-suppressing bed. That should keep him under control long enough for Willow to fix things."
"Good idea," Xander croaked to the room at large.
Faith eyed with some alarm Boytoy still curled up on the floor. "You gonna be all right, stud?"
"In a while, yeah. You really want to help, get me an icepack and leave me alone for a couple hours. I'll be comfortable enough staying down here. Might as well as pass the time saying nasty things about Mel Brooks and his stupid movies."