Author's Note: I couldn't resist putting Xander in that amusing superhero comedy movie, even with setting it earlier than the original events of that 2005 film to match it up with the Buffyverse timeline.
Xander Harris was 100% sure he'd gotten caught up in the Mayor's latest scheme, having him abruptly transferred today to some other out-of-town school so that he couldn't help the rest of the Scoobies stop that folksy politician from turning into a ravenous snake demon out to devour the whole town sometime soon.
There were a couple of clues as to whose fault it could be, among them a smirking Principal Snyder showing up at third-period Civics class along with an impassive city cop to escort Xander out of the classroom to that student's locker. Despite all his protests, Xander had still been forced to empty his locker, stuffing everything there into his spare backpack, and then marched outside to the parking lot in front of the school.
Snyder then gleefully handed over Xander's permanent transfer documents, finishing this off with a last parting zinger, "Like I've been dreaming about for years, I won't ever see you again, Harris. Hopefully you'll undergo some instant, extremely severe discipline when you arrive at your new school! Even if I can't watch that, I'll still enjoy telling your little juvenile delinquent friends you're gone from here forever!"
The bald principal then strolled off towards Sunnydale High's main entrance, gaily humming under his breath in a rare good mood at this speedy expulsion of one of Snyder's most troublesome nuisances.
Just barely glancing at the documents he was holding, Xander instead shot an assessing frown at the cop stolidly standing by the police car next to the sidewalk. The teenager had already been warned by 'Troll' Snyder that any attempts to sneak away or contact Giles, Buffy or Wils would only result in landing Xander in jail. Judging from how humorless the cop looked now, which was a definite possibility.
Unable to think of anything else to do right at this moment, Xander studied his transfer documents. That was odd…nowhere did the actual name of the school where he was supposed to attend show up on these forms—
"Your ride's here," the cop grunted, the first time he'd spoken while in Xander's company.
As he glanced up from what he'd been reading with growing puzzlement, Xander managed a "Huh?"
Sure enough, a medium-size yellow school bus had just turned into the parking lot and was pulling up in front of him and the cop.
Xander tried to find the name printed on the side of the bus which would tell him his new school. However, nothing was on there, just blank metal.
He didn't have time to wonder about this, what with the stopped school bus having its passenger door opened by the driver. This chubby dude sitting inside the bus consulted a slip of paper in his hand and asked, "Alexander LaVelle Harris?"
"That's Xander!" this very same young man snapped back, annoyed by having his detested middle name revealed to the entire world.
Chubby Dude eyed the cop standing next to Xander and sent a conspiratorial wink towards his latest pick-up. This also came with a hoarse whisper of "Gotcha!" at Xander, who was really beginning to think his horrible day had just turned even worse.
The cop then growled a terse order of "Get in, kid."
At Xander's stubborn hesitation, the police officer meaningfully touched the nightstick attached to his belt in a clear indication that any further disobedience would be instantly rewarded with maximum pain.
Sullenly entering the school bus, Xander slumped down into the nearest seat, dropping his backpack there, too. The door was closed by the driver who next put the vehicle in gear and headed out of the parking lot.
Xander glumly stared out of the window while they soon left the Sunnydale city limits and drove along one of the two-lane roads leading towards the state parkland east of the town. The traffic sharing the rural road with them steadily decreased until they were the only vehicle on this motorway.
Trying to figure out what'd just happened and how he could possibly rejoin his friends back there, Xander paid no attention to the driver switching his cap to a new one grabbed from the glove compartment. Neither did Xander notice the driver pulling out from other hidden compartments around his chair enough futuristic electronic instrumentation to pilot the space shuttle.
That latter description wasn't just a simile, not when the grinning bus driver yanked back the main control lever by his chair and caused a pair of wings to unfold from where they'd been hidden in the bus sides. A cluster of rocket engines also protruded from the rear of this vehicle, and lit themselves off with a thunderous roar.
Totally taken by surprise by this, not to mention the seat belt that'd suddenly whipped out from the top of his seat to protectively wrap around him, Xander screamed, "AAAAAAHHHHHH!"
His panicky yell hit an even higher pitch when the bus took off into the air from the empty road. Zooming upwards in a nearly vertical climb, the flying bus soon vanished into a handy bank of clouds.
Several minutes later, Xander was standing there, completely numb from far too many shocks that'd just happened to him now.
A flying bus.
A floating high school campus thousands of feet above the ground.
After landing there, the bus driver pointing at a nearby building and telling Xander to report there for orientation.
And for the topper, there was in this building which appeared to be a kind of gym where he'd been greeted by some guy in a letter jacket and white shorts looking at a clipboard and grumbling under his breath about missing lunch over this who moreover had a really amazing resemblance to Bruce Campbell, the actor from the Evil Dead franchise.
"Okay, you!" barked the Bruce Campbell double at Xander, who jumped slightly at how that penetrating, loud voice rattled his bones, "It's Power Placement time! Demonstrate for me what you can do!"
"What?" Xander gaped at the guy from where they were atop some kind of stage in the gym, having absolutely no idea what he was talking about.
Rolling his eyes, the exasperated guy sneered, "Oh, goody, we're being modest now? Fine, this'll settle it!"
Backing up a few steps until he reached the edge of the stage, the guy took out a remote of some sort from his jacket pocket, and thumbed a button on the remote.
A wrecked car from where it'd been attached to a dangling cable hooked from the ceiling until the remote signal had just dropped this car now crashed onto the stage, directly at where Xander was standing.
Putting the remote away and taking out a pen from that pocket while holding his clipboard in readiness in his other hand, the guy expectantly eyed the heavy steel shell of the stripped car at the spot where it rested upon the stage. After a few more seconds of nothing occurring at all, the guy frowned and advanced closer, next bending over at the waist to peer under the car.
He didn't find anything there, not even the newly-broken body of the teenager Coach Boomer had been ordered today by Principal Powers to examine for their fitness for either the school placement tracks: Hero Track or Hero Support Track.
(The Sky High students themselves always referred to the latter as the 'Loser Track'.)
"Huh," thoughtfully muttered Coach Boomer, straightening up just in time to get a double-kick right in the face from Xander's boot soles which instantly rendered him out cold. He went tumbling off the stage, landing onto his back on the gym floor, the clipboard and pen skidding free from the coach's limp hands.
Fists clenched, Xander standing before the car wreck glared down at the unconscious dude who'd just tried to kill him. Only Sunnydale instincts had given Xander the slightest warning, diving out of the way of the descending car. Hidden from view, Xander then jumped up to place his hands on the car's hood and swung his body around horizontally to punch that total jerk in the head with his feet. Xander finished up with this gymnastic move by shoving away with his arms to land onto the stage when his defeated opponent had gone sailing off this upraised platform.
Hopping down from the stage, Xander went over to pick up the discarded clipboard. He read on the sheet of paper what was printed there of A.L. HARRIS and two more lines with a box after these single words to be checked off: HERO and SIDEKICK.
Okay, that explained it all…not. Xander tossed the clipboard back onto the gym floor where it clattered to a stop by the guy still down for the count, and tried to think of what to do next. As if this had been a signal, Xander's stomach loudly growled in hunger.
It'd been a while since breakfast, Xander had to admit. So, yeah, go find the school cafeteria and dig in. Afterwards, find someone who could finally tell him what was going on.
A few minutes' searching located his goal for Xander and he entered the cafeteria. Now truly ravenous, Xander made a bee-line for the server station, collecting a tray plus the utensils provided with the tray, and went through the usual selection procedure to collect his lunch. Hmmm…chicken or ham sandwich? Might as well as go with the ham, along with generic chips and fruit punch Gatorade.
Looking around for the nearest unoccupied table, Xander headed towards where only one guy Xander's own age was sitting at a particular table, hunched over his own meal. Xander paid no attention to the sudden hush which overcame the entire cafeteria when the other students stopped talking to stare at the newbie in Sky High plopping down at the other end of the table from none other than Warren Peace already there in his private territory. Instead, Xander unwrapped the sandwich and took a big bite from it.
In the middle of this mastication, Xander heard the other guy snarl at him, "Get lost."
Mumbling through his mouthful of ham and bread while still chewing, Xander managed, "Nah, I'm fine here—"
At that point, a clenched right fist was thrust under Xander's nose from the very annoyed Warren leaning over to do this in expressing his displeasure. In the very next second, the fist caught on fire, flames steadily flickering upwards from an otherwise unharmed hand.
Xander swallowed his bite and thoughtfully eyed that incendiary threat just inches from his face. He then did something which any of his Sunnydale High friends would've wearily expected from Xander Harris.
That is, he brought up the ham sandwich Xander now held with his right fingertips by its crust to wave it back and forth several through the flames still arising from that guy's fist.
This astonishing action by Xander brought forth an incredulous "What're you doing?!" from the other guy, who then had the flames vanish from existence from his hand like they'd been blown out like an extinguished birthday candle.
"Toasting my sandwich into a melt," Xander calmly replied, taking another bite from his sandwich that produced a satisfied "Mmmyeah!" through this warmed-up delicious mouthful next going down his throat.
"Are you nuts?!" the guy declared in that same disbelieving tone. "Don't you know who I am?"
All right, that was it.
Dropping the remainder of his sandwich onto the lunch plate, Xander turned to look at the other guy right in the eye for the first time. Bigger than him, long hair, scowling face also now appearing more than a bit baffled, and none of that mattered.
"What I know is, I'm having a real bad day!" Xander growled at Warren who was genuinely taken aback by this outburst. "I got yanked out of class by my asshole principal, learned I've been expelled from Sunnydale High, took a rocket trip in a flying school bus to this floating place, and some jerk of a coach dropped a car on me! Aside from that, yeah, I don't know who you are, why I'm here, or even where I am!"
"Uh," Warren was definitely at a loss at that new guy who didn't seem the slightest bit afraid of him. Deciding it couldn't hurt to clue him in over at least one of his complaints, Warren went on to explain, "This is Sky High, dude. We're here to be taught how to control our superpowers that we got from our parents."
Xander glanced around the cafeteria. Except for how most of the other kids there were watching him and his new acquaintance with curiosity, they didn't seem all that different from the normal Sunnydale High lunch crowd.
He turned back to the expectant guy at the table, saying sarcastically, "Yeah, right. Next, you'll be saying you and your own friends recently saved the world from a bunch of evildoers."
"Well…"
Opening his mouth to begin another snarky comment over that sheepish acknowledgment from Warren, Xander instead yelped in startlement at the abrupt burst of bright light appearing in front of their table, which manifested into a gorgeous, mature woman dressed professionally and frowning at him.
In a rather stern voice, this woman reproved Xander, "So there you are, Mr. Harris. Why didn't you show up at my office like you should've?"
"Huh?" Xander gaped at yet another someone bearing an amazing resemblance to a minor celebrity. This time, that lady was a dead ringer for Lynda Carter several decades after that actress's playing Wonder Woman in the 1970's television show of the same name.
Acting on a sudden impulse, Warren offered, "Principal Powers, I think someone screwed up big-time with him enrolling at Sky High. He doesn't know anything about us."
A chiseled eyebrow lifted in mild bemusement on the principal's face at hearing this. She nodded, "Thank you for that, Mr. Peace."
Directing her next question at Xander looking back and forth at herself and Warren, Principal Powers asked, "Is this true, Mr. Harris?"
"I dunno," Xander shrugged. "All I know for sure is that I want to go back to Sunnydale High."
Principal Powers just firmly shook her head, "That's not possible, I'm afraid. The jurisdictional issues were settled long ago between the American supernatural and superhero communities. We can live, work, and have conflicts with each other, but when starting high school it's required that those persons exhibiting which specific abilities they possess begin their education at the proper training faculties. Frankly, you should've been here your freshman year."
Xander seized upon the only thing he could protest about this recent stunning news: "I'm not a superhero!"
This time, both of Principal Powers' eyebrows went up. "I reviewed your file. Are you saying you didn't bring Buffy Summers back to life, faced down Angelus the vampire all on your own, went through multiple mental possessions, offered yourself as a sacrifice to stop a life-draining mummy, and performed many other acts of true bravery? Trust me, you're a hero."
Turning away from where a red-faced Xander was gawking at her, the principal added, "Besides, there's this."
She lifted up her left arm and pressed the face of the wristwatch with her right index finger, pointing that timepiece at the cafeteria's far wall.
The bland wall shimmered into a massive viewscreen showing a recording of recent events in the school gym. The cafeteria occupants then watched up close and personal how Xander Harris adroitly avoided being crushed under a descending car wreck and next leapt into action, handily (or footily) taking out Coach Boomer.
Loud laughter resounded throughout the cafeteria at seeing one of Sky High's most disliked teachers getting his undignified comeuppance so easily.
Even a chuckling Warren Peace reached over to do an impressed fist-bump against Xander's upper arm, saying, "Way to go, dude! You should've said what you did first before taking a seat at my table. Just for that, I would've given you a free pass right away for bothering me!"
Now really embarrassed, Xander frantically tried to come up with yet another reason not to go to school here. He appealed to the principal, "Look, you saw how I hit a teacher! Doesn't that mean instant expulsion for me?"
Principal Powers only shrugged, "Once he came to, Mr. Boomowski was more than eager to put you in the Hero Track. He did mention afterwards that he was really looking forward to your first training session with him."
"Ooooo," sardonically contributed Warren, earning him a dirty look from Xander. This latter teenager then frowned suspiciously at Principal Powers.
"Hero Track? What's that?"
She clarified, "We have a two-track curriculum. The upper track is reserved for those students designated as heroes, while the rest are in the lower-ranked hero support track."
Warren dismissively muttered under his breath toward Xander, "The sidekicks."
Xander looked puzzled for a moment, which soon changed into genuine outrage. He was even inspired into arising upon his feet at the table and next even going further by climbing up onto the bench and then the table itself, standing there while cupping his hands around his mouth to make his next vociferous remarks carry throughout the entire cafeteria. Both a startled Principal Powers and Warren could do nothing but watch in their own astonishment at what they then heard, along with the rest of the room.
"Hey, people, listen up! I just got told there's a whole caste system here, divided between the heroes and sidekicks! That's not okay with me! I know from my own experiences that anybody can be a hero, just like anybody can be a sidekick! Why don't we do that instead, making everybody the best can be? So, are you with me in changing things?"
At that point, Xander paused to gauge the crowd's reaction. He looked around the room, only to see the other occupants regarding him with actual disbelief. That caused him to prompt them a bit more sheepishly, "Uh, this is the part in the movie where you're all supposed to cheer at the tops of your lungs and rally around me, all right?"
In an immediate chorus of scoffing, the other Sky High students went back to their lunches and totally ignored Xander still standing on the table and sagging in disappointment. His glum mood wasn't improved any by Principal Powers' disapproving order, "Get down from there, Mr. Harris."
Doing as he'd been told, Xander glowered at Warren grinning at him, hugely enjoying his newfound discomfort. They then both heard from the principal, "When you're finished with lunch, Mr. Harris, see me in my office. I'll give you your class schedule and a list of the school rules, specifically the ones on proper behavior here—"
"Hold it!" Xander blurted, suddenly realizing something. "Was Mayor Wilkins responsible for sending me here in the first place?"
Principal Powers had to admit, "I believe the original request came from the Sunnydale mayor's office, yes. What's that got to do with anything?"
Feeling like his luck had just changed for the better, Xander argued, "He's our latest Big Bad villain! This must be part of his whole evil plot, separating me from my friends so he can get away with wiping out the whole town! You have to let me go back to Sunnydale High so that the other Scoobies and me can stop him!"
"Oh, well," Principal Powers airily tossed off, "That comes under the heading of extra-credit work. Make sure you take careful notes regarding this and turn these in at the end of the semester after your group's victory against Mayor Wilkins so they can count towards your final grade. Just keep in mind to complete your other Sky High class assignments, too. Remember, my office after lunch."
With those last words, the principal turned into a bright light and departed in a streak of illumination from the cafeteria, leaving behind a gaping Xander, who then heard from Warren.
"Sounds like fun, dude. Want some help from me and my gang?"
"Who?" frowned Xander at where the other guy was waving at another part of the cafeteria. Following this gesture, Xander saw a couple of students, almost evenly divided between boys and girls approaching their table. Another statement came from Warren.
"Wait, we never actually traded names, right? I'm Warren, and you're…?"
"Xander."
"Cool," Warren nodded. He introduced them all to each other when the approaching students finally arrived, "Guys, this is Xander. From left to right, that's Magneta, Will, Ethan, Layla, and Zach."
This latter student was actually bouncing on his feet in glee, chortling towards Xander looking at him in turn with growing disbelief, "Mister, seeing you punching out Coach Boomer made my day! Gimme some!"
At those last exuberant words, Zach threw up his hand for a high-five from Xander who rather than returning this greeting just kept on staring at him. The small group of heroes and sidekicks then heard from the newest member of their company a very dubious question, "Dude, are you glowing?"
Turning his uncompleted high-five into several triumph fist-pumps, Zach happily declared to them all, "See, he gets it!"
There was a short pause among the group before Zach looked around to ask in his sudden confusion, "What?"
Further Author's Note:
Will Xander and whatever the other Sky High students decide to call their new superteam show up at the Sunnydale High graduation battle against Mayor Wilkins and his monstrous forces to save the day?
Will Zach learn his biological glow is utterly fatal to vampires, reducing them to instant dust?
Will Buffy fall for yet another bad boy with a tragic past who can throw fireballs capable of melting steel?
Learn the answers to all these questions at the same Sky High time, same Sky High channel!