Sighing, Rupert Giles seated at the head of the table as was his aristocratic privilege really regretted not turning down the Northumberland earldom he'd been offered two months ago.
It had to be admitted Giles was rather surprised at the time that Great-Uncle Theodoric even remembered there was one last living descendant of his, what with this 97-year-old earl being thoroughly gaga for decades. As was further proven by becoming informed in the course of events by the London law firm handling the matter that either the New Council's director took up the ermine or the whole bloody lot — land, mansion, money — would go to create and sustain an institute for the training of attack budgerigars.
(Great-Uncle Theodoric was, at the end, someone whom for which people that normally went around wearing their knickers on their heads could point to as definitely a total loony.)
The will was still held to be valid, assorted legal sniggers or not, so Giles took all of those he considered his Sunnydale charges along with him to see a place he barely remembered from a few childhood visits to the Cheviot Hills. On second thought, these companions — Buffy, Willow, Xander, Faith, and Dawn — basically invited themselves from their Scotland headquarters, vastly entertained by the whole situation.
After a horrendous road trip consisting of unceasing yes-me-lords, tugging of forelocks, and Faith's loud singing of various Fenian rebel tunes, the group arrived at Giles Hall, best described as a combination of Castle Gormenghast and a heap of stone rubble carved by Bronze Age conservatives who considered menhirs to be a dangerously advanced form of architecture.
Naturally, the younger members of the Scooby Gang were one and all absolutely charmed by the deteriorating place. An aghast Giles was unable to resist five sets of puppy-dog eyes, soon resulting in him accepting the earlship and with even greater reluctance a wrack-and-ruin residence clearly about to set new records as an ultimate money sink while being brought up into hopefully decent habituation.
Giles at least took some vicious satisfaction in conscripting this same bunch of little sods to work their fingers to the bone around the castle, doing the necessary clean-up tasks and other urgent repairs. Alas, this older man's vindictive mood was quickly spoiled by how eager Buffy and the others acted in throwing themselves into the work without complaint or cessation.
That led to tonight's celebration of a certain American holiday which the children had earlier requested of Giles. Not seeing any harm in it, he'd granted their plea…you bloody idiot.
Twenty feet past the far end of the dining table resting in the middle of the Great Room, Xander Harris was grinning like a maniac and holding ready the end of a long string attached to a bizarre device whose main component was a thick tube pointing nearly straight up to the ceiling's flying buttresses.
Just beyond this thing resting on the floor which to Giles' appalled gaze resembled an actual howitzer barrel, Buffy Summers now crouched down on her heels. Looking upwards at the same time while clenching in one hand a very sharp kitchen knife and in the other hand a honest-to-goodness ice cream scoop, Buffy called out a crisp, "Pull!"
Hearing that, Xander promptly yanked hard upon the string he was holding. In reaction, a noisy BANG! came from the tube, accompanied by a whole roast turkey then being propelled out and aloft at quite a high speed from the barrel.
Buffy was even faster in jumping right after the soaring turkey, catching up with it in mid-flight and going to work with her knife. In a blur of action, she carved it in numerous juicy slices, slapping these along onwards to their targets: the assorted empty plates laid out onto the dining table. With unerring accuracy, all of the turkey slices plopped onto the three plates in front of Giles, Dawn, and Willow where they were sitting at the table. Next came three more slices for where Faith, Xander and Buffy were going to eat tonight.
At their apex, Buffy then started using the ice cream scoop, stabbing this deep inside the turkey and with an expert flick of her wrist sent along the second course of their Thanksgiving meal.
Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! came right after the other, with these sounds due to globes of delicious stuffing smacking onto the six plates next to the turkey slices already there.
Now subject to the laws of gravity, both Buffy and the turkey began their descent, but this Slayer wasn't finished yet. In a double set of grand flourishes by her knife, she carved off two specific pieces of this cooked fowl which went sailing through the air until these reached their proper destination.
A pair of turkey drumsticks stuck a perfect landing at both sides of Giles' plate to round off where the slices and stuffing were at present resting in the middle of this tableware.
Buffy's feet hit the dining room floor at the same time the carved turkey remnants plummeted into the rubbish bin previously placed and ready for its duty by the table.
Performing a smug twirl of both her knife and scoop before putting then down at the edge of the dining table, Buffy and Xander then took their own seats and shot a mutual stare of purest innocence at where Giles was giving them all — Willow and Dawn included — his own best basilisk glower.
This impressive frown then abruptly changed into genuine alarm when Giles looked past the other occupants of their table at the same time a familiar voice attracted the remaining Scoobies' attention: "Not bad, B, not bad at all. 'Course, it's time now for the main event, so watch closely and prepare to be impressed!"
Swaggering into the Great Room with a steaming tureen big enough to be used as a baby's bath perched upon the palm of an extended left arm, Faith brandished an enormous kitchen utensil in her other hand.
An expression of absolute gleeful wickedness displayed itself upon the Boston-born Slayer's face while she intoned to the awestruck group, "I got one humongous ladle! I got a bowl of damn hot gravy! It's showtime!"
Author's Note: Hope you had a safe and happy Thanksgiving!