Note: References to my Fanfics 'Cherished', 'Falling inside the Black' and Tyroth Darkstorm's fanfic 'Cursed and Blessed' appear in this chapter.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Repeating the Pain
After Donatello had been discharged from the medical bay, the Purple masked turtle had gone to look for his family.
He soon found Splinter talking to George on a bench near one of the canals.
As soon as the rat saw his son, he stood up.
"Donatello! My son!" he said joyfully, "How my heart soars seeing you out of the medical wing."
Donatello gave a weak smile and embraced his father then Splinter led him to the bench.
"It warms my soul to see you awake and walking again dear boy." George said with a smile placing a paw on Donatello's to which Donatello bowed his head.
"Thank you, Gramps." He said half heartily.
Splinter placed a paw on Donatello's cheek and saw his third eldest son was looking pale and sad, and he soon saw the same darkness that clouded his mind during the time Pandora was born.
It hurt the rat's heart as he remembered that terrible time, the events before and after it and seeing that same darkness in Donatello, he was starting to fear the worst.
"My dear son." He said, "I can sense you are troubled?"
Donatello sighed and kept his eyes down.
Splinter squeezed Donatello's hands with one paw whilst keeping the other on his cheek.
"I can see it very clearly." He said "Please, do not hold it in, not like before."
George looked curious as well as concerned as he looked at his friend then at Donatello who sighed deeply.
"I just…" Donatello said, "I can't help but feel I let everyone down…that I wasn't able to save you, when you needed me most!"
Tears filled the turtles' eyes.
"I tried to help Mona when she fell, yet I never saw Komodo strike me…." He lifted his hand and touched the scars on his shoulders as well as his shell.
George bit his lip seeing how deep they were.
"I couldn't help anyone…" Donatello began to sob, "I wasn't able to help Monalisa, nor Raphael…and now he is unable to speak! I wish I had done something sooner, but I let myself get poisoned!"
"Donatello." Splinter said but Donatello went on.
"I'll never get the images out of my head! Kemeko stabbing herself! Leonardo at Arashi's mercy! Michelangelo shot by Hanako! And you being surrounded by the Venomous Five! And I was unable to help!"
"Donatello!" Splinter said loudly yet Donatello lowered his head and sobbed more, and Splinter just pulled his son close to let him cry on his lap.
"It's alright my son, please do not torture yourself, just cry, hold nothing back! Just cry."
George placed a hand on Splinter's shoulder in compassion and stood up.
"Shall I leave you be for a while?" he asked.
Splinter said nothing as he looked at Donatello then back at George giving him a nod.
George gave a sympathetic smile then walked away leaving Donatello and Splinter alone.
Donatello lay there on Splinter lap as the emotions flowed out of him, he felt comforted by Splinter stroking his head and the soft lapping of the water in the canal.
After a few minutes of crying in silence, Donatello spoke again.
"I'll help James and Dahlia." He said, "Help them with Kemeko, Monalisa and Raphael's healing, it's the least I can do, after I failed them at the Foot Headquarters battle."
"You must not feel pressured to do so my son." Splinter said, "You do not need to make up for anything, you have not failed us, I promise you, you haven't!"
He continued to stroke Donatello's head and shell, letting him cry and letting him soothe himself.
He wasn't sure how long he had been laying on his master's lap, but Donatello soon felt a hand on his shoulder, and he looked up to see Raphael looking down at him.
Donatello blinked then saw Raphael sign to him as well as move his lips.
"Brother? Are you alright?"
Donatello lifted himself up from his sensei's lap and looked at Raphael, he looked at his concerned eyes then at his throat where the scars still showed where Hanako had stabbed him.
"Raph…" Donatello said in a sad voice as he lifted his finger and touched Raphael's throat then Raphael looked down and placed his hand on Donatello's.
"I'm sorry Raph." Donatello said tearfully, "I wish I could have stopped her! She took your voice…and I only wish I could help get it back!"
Raphael shook his head and signed to his brother.
"It's not your fault."
Donatello sighed and leaned forward resting his forehead against Raphael's in an act of sadness as well as hold his shoulders and Raphael did the same.
"I swear Raphael." Donatello whispered, "I'll help you talk again; I will work with James, Dahlia and Devina to get your voice back."
Raphael squeezed Donatello's shoulders and nodded against him, giving his brother the confirmation that he was grateful.
As The red masked turtle listened to Donatello, he couldn't help but think of all the torture his brother had gone through before in the past and he remembered when he had suffered the same physically and mental torture from Dr Arden when the Foot located and captured the Hamato Clan when Monalisa was pregnant, and they attempted to force Donatello to remove Pandora from her womb.
That had shook Raphael to the core, thinking he was going to loose his mate and child, but Donatello being forced to hurt his own sister and niece, that was horrific.
He hugged Donatello close, even though he couldn't tell him with words, he could at least tell him with his actions and emotions alone that he loved and trusted the turtle to be there and help him, his wife and Kemeko to recover now that he was well again to do so.
All the while Splinter watched with sadness as well as emotion seeing the tenderness and love between the brothers at their lowest points.
It made him proud seeing how his sons looked after each other, as any siblings would during the darkest of times.
He especially felt proud of Raphael that he was taking the fact that he couldn't speak in his stride, and learning to live with it and find other ways to communicate.
Normally Raphael would be really upset and angry and maybe even hiding away, but not this time.
As the years had gone by and his hot-headed son had matured, both in age and the fact that he was a husband and a father.
Splinter wiped a tear from his eye.
"I'm so proud of you, my sons." He thought "You've been through so much, but you are strong, and you will come back from this, even if it takes time."
Meanwhile, from a distance in the centre of the village, Leonardo and Tyroth watched the brothers hug and Tyroth sighed.
"Poor Donnie." He said placing a paw on Leonardo's shoulder sympathetically.
Leonardo nodded.
"He feels so low, feeling like a failure that he couldn't help us when Komodo Dragon struck him down."
"It wasn't his fault what happened." Tyroth said "But he continues to feel that way, I only know his pain."
"I also." Leonardo agreed and he felt a pang in his heart and stomach as he remembered his anger and sadness as his family's first defeat of the Shredder those years ago, making him touch the chipped away part of his shell as well as when he went through that dark time after injuring Raphael over an argument about Monalisa.
"Maybe if it gets too much, we can help Donatello like we helped Kemeko?" The Dragon suggested.
Leonardo turned to Tyroth.
"I'm sure we can." He said then he thought of Kemeko still in the medical bay, but a lot calmer and sleeping better after Tyroth's help.
"I can't tell you how grateful I am Big T." the blue masked turtle said "For what you did to help Kemeko."
Tyroth chuckled.
"Well, don't let me take all the credit, you did it as well." He reminded Leonardo with a nudge of his wing and a wink.
Leonardo smiled softly.
Since that night, Leonardo was less worried and stressed, he was looking less pale and the dark rings under his eyes had faded slightly, yet he still carried concerns.
The help with the nightmares had been effective yet Kemeko was still upset, and the white streak in her hair would forever be a reminder of how she had been so deeply affected by the truth of her origins.
James and Dahlia had confirmed that the condition was permanent but if Kemeko wanted to, she would dye it.
So far Kemeko didn't seem worried by the new look in her hair and after Pandora, Sonia and the Geckolings had seen it when they visited her in the Medical Wing a little earlier, they thought it looked pretty awesome, despite the reason it had appeared.
"Despite her feeling better." Leonardo continued "I still see the darkness within her, and feel She needs properly closure."
"Like how?" Tyroth asked raising an eyebrow.
"She's only seen photos, as well as videos of her parents, and not just the one where her mother spoke to her from beyond the grave via a DVD, but a chance to see them again, just to feel closure and know they are there for them."
"Like how we helped Monalisa reconnect with her mother after Diablo's betrayal?" Tyroth asked, he ground his teeth as he again toyed with the thought that Diablo would be topside and back in Chicago, but until he was sure, he couldn't let that bother him.
"Yes, yet I have another idea." Leonardo said then pulled out an old and slightly battered postcard from his belt.
Tyroth looked over at the card and he recognised the photo on the front of Mount Fuji in Japan and several small photos underneath of the rural countryside and mountains of the Far East country.
"Japan?" He asked, "You're planning to take her there?"
Leonardo nodded.
"Remember the stories I told you of me travelling there, twice, and for my personal reasons to find peace and expel the darkness from my soul, as well as become a better person/turtle."
Tyroth murmured as he agreed remembering all the blue masked turtle had told him.
"I plan to take her on the same pilgrimage I took, to help her find peace, closure, and also see where I buried Chaplin and Karai's ashes, I laid them to rest next to Hamato Yoshi, Tang Shen, and of course, the Ancient One when he passed."
Tyroth was very quiet when he listened.
"I never spoke about it, being something so sacred, all those years back, but I remember it like yesterday, my family and I travelled by plane, hiding in the cargo hold to take their ashes to be buried, Pandora was almost four when we made the trip and she doesn't fully remember, before we had travelled by ship, but we felt it would take too long, especially since Pandora was only a toddler and Kemeko still just a tiny baby…"
He cradled his arms as he visualised a tiny baby Japanese girl in her arms, swaddled in her white blanket, her grey eyes looking up at him and her sweet gummy little mouth gabbing at him, whilst her ebony black hair covered her tiny head.
A couple of tears formed in Leonardo's eyes at the memory and how he wished he could turn back the clock, even if it was just for a moment, just to experience them again.
But he brought himself back to reality and forced a chuckle.
"Imagine it, being on a ship with a baby and a restless toddler?"
Tyroth chuckled a little as well, memories of Pandora when she was young returned to him as he thought of the young hybrid, compared to now, she was happy, cheeky and carefree and as he had watched her, he had felt the same feelings of what it would be like to have a child of his own with Sephie.
But then it did happen with him and Sephie a year before Kemeko came into the turtle's lives when Freya and Loki were born, and it was the best moment in Tyroth's life.
"Oh yes." Tyroth smiled if not a little bitterly "Several weeks on a ship with Pandora running around, I can understand why you decided to fly instead."
Leonardo nodded.
"But yeah, we travelled to Tokyo and travelled to the countryside where we stowed away on trucks until we got to the Home and temples of the Ancient One and we stayed there for a few days laying Karai and Chaplin to rest, where we knew the Shredder would never find them and hurt them whilst they rested in eternal peace."
"You did the most noble and honourable thing Leo." Tyroth smiled placing his large paw on Leonardo's shoulder, "and I think what you plan to do for Kemeko will be very special for her, and hopefully she will find inner peace and closure."
Leonardo smiled up at the Dragon.
"I hope so my friend." He said, "I plan to talk to her about it later!" He winked.
He looked back at the postcard as many memories returned to him when he took the journey to the Ancient One in Japan and how he felt it had helped him.
"I took the same journey to heal myself in that amazing place, and I hope it will be the same for Kemeko, after all she's been through, she deserves peace of mind and soul…."
So Donatello is feeling like a failure, but he does have his family around who do not blame him.
Meanwhile, Leonardo has decided he wants to take Kemeko to the home of the Ancient One in Japan hoping it will help her fully heal spiritually.
Just like it did for him in both the TMNT 2003 episode 'The Ancient One' and my Fanfic 'A Warrior's Journey'.