A/N: I think I need to set the record straight on something. Emily Dickinson never said, "'Ownership of Chuck' is the thing with feathers." She just didn't. So, get over it.
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Chuck shot Moon.
Zarnow shot Chuck.
Casey and Fitz made it to the roof only a moment or two later. They had heard everything. They found Zarnow kneeling near Chuck and Sarah, with Sarah's Smith Wesson held in one hand and the barrel touching her head. Zarnow's finger was on the trigger. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Casey was reassured that a professional like Sarah Walker would never have done something stupid like adjusting the factory-set trigger pull weight on her weapon to a so-called "hair trigger" setting.
Both men came up short and looked at Zarnow. Casey said, "Gotta tell you , Doc. This is a balls out move. Didn't really think you had it in you. Gonna be tough to walk away from this one, though, regardless, but if you hurt either of them, I will kill you... dead... instantly. I will. You can count on that."
"I'm not listening to you any more, Casey. Here's what's going to happen. First, you and your friend are going to drop your weapons. All of them."
"Ok, Doc. You got it." Casey and Fitz dropped their trank guns and Fitz unholstered and dropped his Glock 17. Of course, both men had multiple other weapons concealed about their persons, but found no need to mention that to Zarnow.
"Now, you are going to have someone bring me the Intersect and then you are going to fly us out of here. And don't bother to tell me you can't fly a helicopter, because I've read your file."
"Nope, Doc. I wouldn't tell you that. Ok, Billy? You catching this?"
"Yeah, Major."
"Ok, Billy. We have a hostage situation up here. Zarnow has a gun on Walker and Carmichael. He needs us to bring him the Intersect. Ok? So, just go get him. As you get close to the roof, announce your presence. I don't want the doctor startled when he sees you both on the stairs."
"Ok, Major. I got it."
"Right, Doc. Billy's on his way. That's gonna take a while, so we're gonna have to be patient."
The men were silent for a while until Casey said, "So, where do you want me to fly us to? That ship offshore maybe? What's the name of the ship?"
"Casey, I swear if you say another word, I will kill Walker and still have this other guy as a hostage. I really don't like the sound of your voice."
Casey nodded once and stood silently. A few minutes later Casey saw the expected movement behind Zarnow as Billy came out of the elevator building, moving silently and very, very slowly. Zarnow had been so focused on the stairwell he never considered that the elevator must make it to the roof if the helipad was unloading injured people. Billy was clever and understood when Casey had warned him that Zarnow could see the stairs.
Billy stood with his trank gun aimed at the center of Zarnow's back, but did not fire. A trank dart worked quickly, but not instantaneously. There would still be enough time for Zarnow to pull a trigger even after he was tranked. Even if it did work faster, Zarnow's collapsing body could end up firing a shot by accident. They had to get the gun pointed somewhere else before Billy could pull the trigger on Zarnow.
Time passed and no one moved. The tableau frozen. Predictably, Zarnow ran out of patience first. "Where is he? Where's your man with the Intersect?"
Casey held up his hand in a placating gesture and said, "Billy. Where are you?"
Leo answered, "Major, you need a distraction up there?"
"Yeah, Billy. That's right."
"Ok, I got just the thing," said Leo.
"Great, Billy. Remember we don't want to startle Dr. Zarnow."
"Got it. Here goes."
"Billy's carrying the Intersect up the stairs. The guy didn't want to come see you. Go figure."
Zarnow's burner phone began to ring. He looked confused and looked to Casey, who said, "Well, don't look at me. I'm not calling you. Who else did you give the number to?"
Zarnow began to fumble with the phone one handed. Billy couldn't see through Zarnow to the phone and the gun, so he just watched Casey for the signal. After having difficulty handling everything in his hands, he removed the gun from Walker's head for an instant while sticking out one finger to push a button on the burner phone. Casey nodded once. Billy fired. Zarnow slumped over. Casey stepped forward to take the gun while Fitz rolled him over onto his back.
"Thanks, Billy. Good call to wait. Solid."
"Thanks, Major. Didn't want to take the chance."
"Hundred percent. Well done, Leo. How'd you get the number of his burner?"
"I found your burner on the floor. I just hit redial."
"Good thinking. How do you feel?"
"I should probably be checked for a concussion, but otherwise good. I'm searching and securing the prisoners. Who's this Intersect guy?"
"Sorry, guys. Need to know. Forget you heard it... Fitz and I'll clean up here. Billy, go down and help Leo with the prisoners."
"Right," said Billy and left the roof.
They moved to Chuck and Sarah, collapsed onto the roof in a single pile, Chuck partially atop her, a trank dart in his arm. They rolled them apart, removed the trank darts, and tossed them aside. Laying them on their backs next to each other, Fitz said, "Pretty clever how Carmichael tricked Zarnow into admitting Moon was the pilot."
"Yeah," said Casey, "but about what I've come to expect from Chuck."
"He's a good man, Major," said Fitz.
"He is. And he doesn't even know it," said Casey as he was checking them for injuries.
"Why not?" asked Fitz.
"Cause life has dealt him one crappy deal after another. Even when it looks like he somehow managed to get a decent break, some a-hole shows up and takes it away. And, as much as life beat his ass,….well, he's still a good man," said Casey.
"Sounds like you like him," said Fitz, as he went to check on Moon.
"What? Hell no. That guy is nothing but a pain in my ass. And if you ever tell him I said anything decent about him, I'll be a pain in your ass, Fitz."
"Ha. Your secret's safe, Major...Moon is ok."
Casey went to Zarnow and began to search him. "Good. Marco, pull the van up to the building. Then go for the other one and do the same."
"Will do, Major," said Marco.
"Oh, and Marco, what do you hear from the Coast Guard?"
"The FAA identified the ship the chopper left from and the Coasties have sent the cutter Grant there with the intention to board her. Stay tuned."
He turned to Fitz. "Let's get Walker and Carmichael into the communications van, then stack the others in the detention van."
And so it began. Luckily, the hospital had left a number of gurneys behind. The four agents made several trips, but eventually Chuck and Sarah were laid out on the floor of the communications van and the others, all manacled (even the ones sleeping off trank darts, because, hey, you never know), were in the detention van. It took them about a half hour to get everyone where they belonged.
While Marco and Leo took the prisoners and the bags of money in, and Billy drove the pick-up back to the lot, Fitz and Casey drove the still sleeping Chuck and Sarah to Sarah's hotel, with one quick stop along the way.
Casey and Fitz had stripped them of their gear in the van, took them upstairs, and dropped them on Sarah's bed. They took off their boots but otherwise left them dressed. It was well after midnight when Casey and Fitz left them. The last thing Casey did before leaving was to open their phones and set alarms for the morning.
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Sarah didn't like alarm clocks, so she wasn't thrilled when the one on her phone went off. But then, a second later, another alarm went off. It wasn't even the same alarm noise. The cacophony of the two discordant noises was really, really annoying. Grumbling, she reached for hers on her night stand and felt Chuck's arms around her. That was good, but why was he dressed? Wait, why was she dressed? Those questions, while interesting, were secondary to the task of shutting down her phone's alarm. Once it was off, there was only the one noise.
"Chuck...Chuck...your alarm..."
"Oh," he said, mumbling and still half asleep. He reached for and turned off the alarm. The phone said 8:30 AM. "Mmmmm." It was then he noticed that they were both wearing the black fatigues from last night. "Ummm, the roof."
"Yeah, last I remember, I was in a fight with Moon."
"I was there. You got tranked from behind by Zarnow," said Chuck.
"Then what?"
"Then Zarnow flipped out and told me to load you onto the helicopter. As I went to pick you up, I got him to admit that Moon was a helicopter pilot, not him, so I shot Moon with your trank gun. Then Zarnow tranked me. I'm guessing Casey and the guys moved us here after taking care of Zarnow."
"That was nice of him," she glanced at her phone. "I have a voicemail message from him."
She touched her phone a few times and Casey's voice came out of the speaker. "Morning, you two. While you were napping, the rest of us finished up the mission. Zarnow and the North Koreans are all in the can. What to do with a bunch of North Korean spies is up to Beckman and Graham, but they'll think of something. So, rise and shine. You guys have a busy day. Larkin's funeral is at 11 AM. Then at 6 PM we all have to be at Chuck and Ellie's for dinner. Walker, I stopped on the way back to the hotel last night and bought you a bottle of Chardonnay to bring to Ellie. It's in your fridge. See you guys later."
"He got me wine? Who is this guy? He's not Casey," said Sarah.
Chuck chuckled. "I know, but If we tease him about it, we'll just discourage it."
"So, we just let it pass? Seems to be missing a perfect teasing opportunity."
"Ok," said Chuck, "Maybe just a little teasing."
He gave her a kiss and swung his legs off the bed. She said, behind him, her voice more serious, maybe even a trifle nervous, "Chuck, when we were getting ready last night. Getting ready with the team, you flashed on something. What was it?"
Even with his back to her, she sensed his sudden tension. "Oh, nothing. Just something one of the guys said."
"It was about me, wasn't it?"
"Why do you say that?"
"Other than the fact that you are a terrible liar? Because after you flashed you said something stern to them, then Fitz talked to them and one went over to you to apologize. That sounds an awful lot like you were defending me," said Sarah.
There was a long pause and Chuck finally said, "Yeah. It was about you."
"What was it?" asked Sarah.
"Your reputation, mostly."
"Killer," said Sarah.
"Assassin," said Chuck.
"But that wasn't specific. That wasn't the specific thing you flashed on, was it?"
"No, it wasn't. Maison Gauche," he said.
Oh, God, she thought. He knows. Beyond reputational gossip, he really knows now. He knows what she did...what she is. For sure. This is it. This is the beginning of the end. It's inconceivable that a good, gentle man like Chuck ...well, that he would be with someone who could do those things. That realization upset her much more than she would ever have imagined. Soon she would be alone again. No Chuck. Alone.
In a small voice, not really wanting to know the answer, she asked, "Is that the first time you flashed on me?"
"No, it's not. The day you left for DC. Last week. I flashed on a ring you were wearing and I saw a video clip of you fighting off and killing three men." Sarah knew the ring and promised herself that it was going in the trash immediately,
"And you didn't say anything about it? You didn't tell me."
So, he knew of a kill-count of eight. Damn, what if he ever found out that that was only a small slice of what she had done? Those eight that he knew about, she could justify those with a self-defense explanation, but not all of them. Some of them had been executions.
"Sarah," his voice was soft, "I know you don't like to talk about your past. And maybe I understand a little better why you don't. But the truth is I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to say..."
She thought, just say you don't want to see me anymore. Just break it off. I don't want this dragged out. Just do it.
"...I didn't understand it. I still don't really. I knew we'd talk about it eventually and I hadn't gotten my thoughts in order to do so. I'm stumbling a bit here...I didn't expect to have this conversation so soon...I have feelings, but it's hard to put them in words or even a coherent train of thought...While you were away, I read a book..."
"A book?" despite herself, she wanted to laugh. That was such a Chuck thing to do.
"...yeah. It was written by a US Army Ranger, a Lt. Colonel who was a psychology professor at West Point. It was helpful to me in understanding what … well, how your past experiences...your past actions...affected...and continue to affect you."
Yes, she thought, I'm a killer. That's how they affected me.
"And I feel so proud of you..."
Wait..what? What did he just say?
"Sarah, you carry a heavy burden...when you told me you had baggage I never imagined just what that meant. But now that I have a tiny inkling, I understand a little...the people in Paris must have been particularly hard for you..."
The book had explained that the psychological impact on the killer increased as the physical distance to the victim decreased. Sitting next to someone at dinner and killing them. Wow, he thought.
"I know there's no way I can truly help you carry this burden, but, if you let me, I'd like to try." The book had called it the "burden of guilt," but he deliberately avoided that phrase. He didn't want to imply that she should feel guilty.
What? What? How?...HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?, her mind screamed. She looked up at him and his eyes showed compassion, warmth, and understanding.
"You aren't...upset?" she asked.
"Of course, I'm upset. Not by what you did, but by what you have chosen to endure on all of our behalves. And all alone, too. Sarah, the country is engaged in two wars at the same time right now. Soldiers are returning every day who have killed men in combat. Every day. A small number of them develop PTSD, most of them don't. But every one of them, like you, lives with their actions for the rest of their lives. And they do it to keep me safe ...to keep Ellie and Devon and Morgan safe. You are just like them, having accepted a burden so that the rest of us don't ever have to. That's why I'm proud..."
He was trying really, really hard not to allow any semblance of pity to enter the discussion, although the truth was, he felt very sorry for her. He knew just how insulted she would be by that.
She thought, this just wasn't possible. Nobody was this good, this compassionate, this understanding. But here he was in front of her. He knew a bit of her past and still ...still wanted to be with her. She was so surprised she almost didn't comprehend it.
"...but there's a difference. A soldier has a team around him, his brothers in arms, to help and support him. You don't seem to have that. I mean, I don't know what you spies do to process these things...with each other. I don't know if part of your training includes dealing with the aftermath of what you have gone through. But I'm sure talking can help though. I had tons of talk therapy when my folks left Ellie and me and I know talking helps. Anyway, I know you don't like to share stuff about your past and that's cool, but if you ever do want to talk about things, I'd be honored to listen."
She did the only thing that she could think of, the only thing in her mind. She wrapped her arms around him, buried her head in his shoulder and said, "Thank you, Chuck."
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A/N2: The book Chuck read while Sarah was away was On Killing by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman, as Chuck says, an Army Ranger and professor of psychology at West Point (now retired). I read it a few years ago. It is an excellent book that explains why Chuck won't pull the trigger, why Sarah and Casey will, and the long-term effects on both of the latter of having done so (at least, if these characters were real people). Col. Grossman now travels the United States lecturing to military and law enforcement personnel. I heard him interviewed last year and he is a fascinating and compelling speaker.
Many of the fan fiction stories here emphasize how upset Sarah is about her past actions and her fear of Chuck discovering them. I didn't catch that from the show, though, at least not to the extent reflected here. My Sarah, unlike some of the others I've read, doesn't go in for the whole self-abnegation thing and is much more phlegmatic about her past. It kind of reflects my view that this Sarah is maybe a little more mature than her canon counterpart. She still doesn't want to talk about it, but that's not at all unusual for combat veterans, and that's pretty much what she is.
One more short chapter left telling the story of Team Bartowski's meeting with the good doctor Zarnow.
Does anyone know how to say "the city" in Spanish? Asking for a friend.