39

Bella hadn't been able to comprehend the information Tyler had shared with her and Edward. All of it, not just the fact that Ben and Angela weren't really Ben and Angela, but Alec and Jane? That they'd been raised as siblings, or that they most likely murdered their adoptive parents the same way they most likely murdered Kate Denali and Michael Newton. None of it made sense; the more Bella thought about it, the less she understood.

How could Angela and Ben become so infatuated with the Volturi Brothers, especially Marcus?

The way they spoke about him, like he was alive and well; telling them exactly what to do, how to do it, and boasting about how proud he was of them. Were they insane? And were there more followers out there, waiting for a chance to get a piece of them?

Feeling claustrophobic, Bella slipped off her bed and looked over her shoulder. Edward was curled up on the left side. While he had finally passed out due to sheer exhaustion, she couldn't turn her thoughts off long enough to fall asleep. So she grabbed her jacket and tiptoed out of her bedroom, closing the door as quietly as possible before she walked down the hallway, through the living room, and out onto the front porch.

The air was cold, and she pulled her jacket tighter around her body as she walked down the front steps along the path toward the barn. When she opened the side door, she was surprised to find Rosalie inside. She turned and looked at her, a smile spreading over her lips.

"Hey, Bee."

"Hey."

"You want to help? I figured they haven't been brushed in a while."

Bella nodded and stepped inside. She picked up one of the brushes and walked to her favorite, a dark charcoal-gray quarter horse.

"Hey, Smoky," she murmured, tucking the brush under her arm before patting the side of his neck. "Did you miss me? Because I missed you."

Smoky neighed, causing her to smile.

"I've missed you . . ."

Bella felt her shoulder tense. "Ro."

"I'm sorry. I just . . . I just miss you, Bee. You're my person."

"I can't be your person right now, Ro." Bella turned and looked at her. "Edward and I had sex."

Her eyes widened as she looked from Bella to the door to the barn and back.

"Before they . . . it was the morning they kidnapped us. It was the first time I had ever felt comfortable in my own skin, Ro. I'd never even kissed a boy before him, let alone taken off my clothes. And I was scared, I was so fucking scared, but I knew he wouldn't hurt me. It was perfect — beautiful and magical. But then we saw the news report about the fire, and then the building alarm went off, and they were there. They were just there. We fought, Ro. We fought so hard, but . . ."

"Tyler told us."

"He did?"

"Well, the others watched the security footage, but I couldn't, so he simply said you fought like hell, Bee."

Bella nodded, her tears streaming down her face. "I tried, Ro; I really tried."

"Is that why you've refused to talk to me? You thought I would blame you?"

"No? Yes? Maybe, I don't know." Bella frowned. "Edward wanted to stay with his parents; he said it would be safer, smarter, but I . . . I insisted on staying at his place. I wanted to be alone with him."

"Oh, honey, the only people to blame for what you and Edward went through are Ben and Angela."

Bella shook her head before turning to Smoky. "They used me against him."

"What do you mean?"

"I meant what I said. They knew I was important to him, and they manipulated him by threatening me."

"Oh, Bee."

"Yeah, so . . ." Bella tossed the brush back into the basket before she looked over at Rosalie. "Never thought we'd be back here."

"Me, either."

"You didn't want to leave here, though." And when Rosalie shifted her eyes to the ground, Bella said, "You thought I didn't know, didn't you?"

"Kind of."

"I'm not an idiot, Ro. I've always known the only reason you came with me was out of obligation, or whatever you want to call it. If I stayed here, I was never going to be more than that fragile, pathetic little girl who peed her pants when Eric Yorke got too close. I thought going to Los Angeles would give me a fresh start, a chance to be strong and brave."

"You don't think it did?"

"I don't know. Maybe. I mean, I put on a good mask, didn't I? Pretended like my life wasn't falling apart at the seams. But inside, I've always felt like that fragile, pathetic little girl."

"Except with Edward."

"Except when I'm with him, yes."

"What makes him different?"

"He . . . he doesn't scare me. When he touches me, I feel this calmness, a peace that I had never felt before."

"Does he still make you feel like that?"

Bella nodded. "He's the only person who makes me feel anything right now."

Rosalie frowned.

"Sorry, Ro, I don't mean to hurt your feelings."

"You didn't. I'm glad he's there for you."

"But?"

"But," Rosalie said cautiously. "I am a little worried you're becoming too dependent on him."

The words hung in the air as Bella stared at her. She should have expected it, of course. She had spent too many years dependent on Rosalie for everything, both personally and professionally. Just when she started leaning on someone new, someone different, her world was shattered, and she found herself in a cement prison, fighting for freedom. Maybe Rosalie was correct; maybe she was too dependent on Edward, but he was the love of her life, the only person who ever made her want to be touched, and she longed to feel the same comfort in his arms that she had just days ago.

"I'm sorry," Rosalie said, shaking her head. "Just forget I said anything."

"I love you, Ro. You know that, don't you?"

Rosalie nodded.

"You've spent too many years holding me together. It wasn't fair of me to expect you to always be there, ready to pick me up off the floor when I panicked or freaked out. You should be able to have a life. Maybe go on a date with Emmett."

She smiled, her cheeks turning red. "He said he wants to marry me, Bee."

"Marriage?"

Rosalie nodded. "I know it seems fast. Trust me, I know it seems stupid fast to me, but I . . . I love him, Bee. I love him so fucking much, and he . . . The way he looks at me is how my daddy used to look at my momma."

"Wow," she whispered.

Rosalie dropped the brush on the floor, lifting her hands up in front of her as she stepped toward Bella, who tensed and moved away. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I just . . . I just can't handle that yet. I'm trying here, Ro, but I have limits."

She dropped her hands to her side. "I love you, Bee, and no matter what happened inside that room, I will still love you. That will never change."

Bella frowned. "Maybe it should, though."

And wrapping her arms around her torso, Bella turned and walked out of the barn, back to the house and her bedroom. Edward was still asleep as she quietly closed the door behind her, removed her jacket and shoes, and climbed under the covers, nestling herself as close to Edward as she could without waking him.

—TB—

Bella sat in the backseat of Charlie's truck with Edward beside her, her broken arm cradled against her chest and her heart in her throat. Or at least that's how it felt. Charlie and Carlisle were taking them into Bondurant to meet Irina at the medical center so she could check her broken hand and see for herself how they were healing. She hadn't wanted to go, hadn't wanted to venture into town. Someone could see her; someone could alert the media that she was safe, that she was alive. And while they knew she hadn't been one of the two people who died inside her house, the media had still been speculating on her whereabouts.

There had been 'sightings' of her in Hawaii and Paris, in New York and Austin, Texas — all of which had been splashed over social media, and none of which were true. Nobody knew that Kate Denali and Michael Newton had been the two people who died in the fire. Nobody but them. She'd spent the last four days scouring through Kate and Mike's social media accounts, searching for any family who would be missing them.

Mike Newton didn't have any siblings, but he had an ex-wife who lived in San Francisco. A curly brown-haired woman named Jessica. They'd been married for almost five years when Mike suddenly and out-of-nowhere presented her with divorce papers, according to a rather scathing Facebook post made nearly six months ago. A little digging was all it took for Tyler to figure out that Mike filed for divorce just after learning he was dying from stage four lung cancer. She suspected he hadn't wanted Jessica to be saddled with a sick husband and thought he was freeing her to live her life to the fullest.

Kate Denali had a younger sister named Tanya. She was a freshman at the University of Iowa and had been posting on her Facebook page about her sister's disappearance. She pleaded and begged anyone to contact her if they saw Kate. It had taken a great deal of effort on Bella's part not to reach out to her through a private message, but how could she? How could she tell this young woman her sister was dead? At least, not until they knew for sure that Kate and Mike were the two people found inside her house.

The police still hadn't been able to get enough DNA to make the match, from what she had overheard Tyler telling Charlie and Carlisle. From what they said, Mike Newton had left Sin Records not long after she and Edward had. He had an appointment with his oncologist, which he attended, but nobody had seen him again after he left. The theory was he'd made it home but was ambushed before he could make it inside. And from there, nobody knew where they took him. To her house? To their place? They were still trying to find out where Angela and Ben lived in Los Angeles, not that Bella cared.

Unlike Mike, Kate Denali never made it to her condo. Her car had been found in the employee parking lot of Sin Records with her purse and briefcase in the back seat. The door had been left open, and her keys and cell phone had been found beneath the car. When questioned about the security cameras in the parking garage, Tyler explained that 'someone' had hacked into the system and erased any footage of their attack.

That left even more questions, though. Why did they take Kate and Mike? Why those two specifically? Was it a coincidence? Or did Angela and Ben target them because Edward and Bella had suspected them of being her stalkers? And if the latter was true, would their families ever forgive them?

Bella blew out a thick breath when Charlie parked in the back of the small medical center. He shifted into park but didn't turn off the truck. Instead, he turned and looked back at her. His eyes were filled with sadness and longing. He'd been trying to get her alone for days, trying to get her to talk to him. She wanted to, she did, but at the same time, she was terrified of what she would say. Logically, everything he had kept from her was his way of protecting her. She knew this, but she still felt betrayed.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Irina is already inside."

"And she just wants to check my hand?"

"Yes, and she has the results of your . . . rape kits. She didn't feel comfortable giving them to us, so . . ."

Bella nodded, her eyes flickering to Edward, who was staring at his feet. "Does it really matter what they say? Is it going to change anything that happened?"

"No."

"Then she can burn them for all we care," Edward murmured. "We already know what happened, Dad. We don't need proof. It's not like we can put them in jail, can we? We killed them. We stopped them. We did it together because you were too late."

And without another word, he opened the door and climbed out, stretching his hand toward Bella. She shifted her eyes from Carlisle to Charlie before she wrapped her fingers around his, slid across the seat, and let Edward help her out of the truck. He wrapped his arm around her waist before he closed the door and started toward the back entrance of the clinic with their fathers following.

The door opened, and Irina gave them a gentle, reassuring smile. "Edward, Bella, it's nice to see you again. I have a room set up. No one else is here."

"How'd you manage that?" Bella asked. "It's the middle of the day. Don't you have other patients to see?"

"Yes," she admitted. "And those patients got the care they required. But we needed the safety and security of an empty building, and it won't take long."

Bella nodded, and they followed her into the building, down the hallway, and into an examination room on the left side. Someone had already placed the portable X-ray machine inside. Irina closed the door with a loud click.

"Well," she said, and when Bella looked over at her, she saw her leaning against the closed door. "You two look like shit."

"Thanks?" Edward scoffed.

"Sorry." Though she didn't sound apologetic. She tilted her head to the side. "You're not sleeping much, are you?"

Bella and Edward shared a look before shaking their heads.

"Sleep is hard," he replied.

"You're having nightmares?"

"Nightmare doesn't seem like a strong enough word," he confessed, his arm tightening around Bella. "I can't really speak for her, but for me, it's like . . ."

"Like being locked away again," Bella whispered, drawing everyone's attention. "I spent my entire life, what life I remember at least, living in a constant state of fright. I would . . ." She blew out a shaky breath. "Have you ever woken so paralyzed with fear because you could feel people on top of you? People who weren't there?"

"No, I can't say I have, but it's not surprising that you did, Bella."

"It's not?"

Irina shook her head. "You spent twenty years suffering from Haphephobia."

"What's Haphe . . . whatever you said?"

Irina smiled. "Haphephobia is the intense, overwhelming fear of being touched. It's not uncommon for children who suffered through what you and Edward did to experience."

"No one ever put a name to it," she admitted. "How do I . . . How can I get over it?"

"You can't," she said. "It's not something you can just get over, Bella. Haphephobia is typically treated by cognitive behavioral treatment or CBT. We use psychoeducation, cognitive therapy, reduction of safety behaviors, and anxiety management."

"I don't understand a word you just said."

Irina laughed. "Sorry. But basically, the only way to help you overcome your fear of being touched is by various methods of touch therapy."

"You mean letting people touch me?" she asked, stepping backward.

"No, of course not." Irina put her hands up. "It means providing you a safe, secure place where you can face your fears without letting them become overwhelming."

"Oh."

"There's medication, too. Anxiety medication can especially help take the edge off. But if I am honest, Bella, I don't like the idea of medicating you."

"Why not?"

"Because until you fully understand and accept the trauma you suffered, both as a little girl and over the last few months, no amount of medication will help."

"You think she needs to go back there, don't you?" Edward asked, and when Irina looked at him and nodded, he shook his head.

"How is that going to help?"

"You have those memories, but she doesn't. She's been told that x, y, and z happened to her, and she's had to take a hell of a lot on faith value alone. And just when she was starting to process what had happened to both of you, you were kidnapped and brutalized again. She needs closure, Edward, and so do you."

"By going back to there?"

"If you want your lives back, it's time to face your pasts. And for Bella especially, that means going back to the original Gathering of the Twilight."

"But —"

"Okay." The simple word had barely left her lips when she felt Edward look down at her.

"Okay."

"Bella . . ." He shook his head. "Are you sure?"

"No," she admitted. "But I'm tired, Edward. I'm tired of being afraid of people I don't even remember. You don't have to go. I'll understand if you don't or can't, but this is something I need to do."

Edward's eyes closed, and he sighed, then nodded and said, "I can do it. I can do it for you."

Bella bit the inside of her lip before she looked at Irina. "So, now what?"

"Now, we check your hand and see how your break is healing. Then we will know whether to recast it or place a splint."

While Bella was terrified by her decision to face her past inside the Gathering of Twilight, she knew if she ever wanted her life back, it was up to her to be brave and strong, even when the last thing she felt at that moment was either of those emotions.

Thank you for all the AMAZING reviews! Bella made some huge steps forward. Thank you for Sunflower Fran for helping me with my mess! See you next Saturday!