A/N - I didn't check the timeline against the show. I started to but got so angry that I decided to post as is. Apologies for those of you who like season 5 enough to notice any discrepancy on dates. xoxo - kals

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Chapter 10: But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old, Just say you won't let go

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One Month After Season 5 Began

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"I went back to active duty." Danny said quietly, walking up behind Kara in the small conference room where she stood. He saw her stiffen, then square her shoulders before she turned to face him.

Her eyes flickered over him, as though checking for damage. "I heard that you were back in the States."

The words were neutral, but her eyes were shaded - guarded. The last time they saw each other, he had asked Kara to wait until he got back to make any decisions. Hell, the entire way back from Columbia he had told himself over and over again that, if he were given another chance with Kara and Frankie, he wouldn't squander it. And yet, upon reaching American soil again and learning that, against all the odds, the Nathan James was still afloat, Danny did nothing as the days and then the weeks slipped by. The fear, the paralysis creeping back in. Wolf had even suggested that Danny return to the program and Danny seriously considered it. But how could he do that when there was a war going on? Besides, he should be able to face his own damn wife.

Then, this morning, Danny woke up knowing what he had to do. He had walked into Command and told Sasha that he was returning to active duty with the intent of joining a squad on the front lines. And after he signed on the dotted line, he went to find Kara.

"Can we talk?" He asked, seeing the faint surprise flare across her face.

Kara studied his face for a moment. "You can come by the house tonight if you want."

"I was thinking dinner," Danny replied quickly. "O'Malleys?"

Kara hesitated, perhaps remembering other - happier - times, before nodding. "I'll see if Mom can keep Frankie. Meet you there at nineteen hundred?"

"Perfect."

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Danny nursed his beer in the back booth of the pub as he watched the entrance. He had arrived two hours earlier to make sure he could get this spot. He didn't want to spend tonight looking over his shoulder at every sound or movement, instead wanting to focus on Kara.

On his wife.

Strange how those words didn't feel natural anymore. He turned the ring on his left hand, remembering the evening when Kara gave him back her ring. Threw it at him, more like. He wondered if she would ever wear it again, if she would be willing to give him that second chance. Carlton's estimate of Danny's odds had recently gone from single digits to negative digits, claiming that the only way Danny was digging himself out of this hole was claiming temporary demonic possession.

Kara walked through the doors at exactly nineteen hundred, wearing jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. Danny released the breath that he had been holding, having half expected her to appear in her uniform, starched and stiff. Navy Kara, work Kara. The Kara he had seen over the video monitor when the team was first able to make contact. She slid into the booth across from him.

Danny forced a smile. "I'm glad you came."

"You said that you wanted to talk." She seemed calm, but Danny could tell that she was agitated. The way she was biting her lip was a dead giveaway.

"Let's order first," he hedged. "Tell me what's going on in Mayfair?"

As Kara filled him in on the state of affairs, Danny allowed his mind to wander, simply watching her, soaking in her presence. He had forgotten how much he enjoyed being around Kara. Listening to the sound of her voice, watching the expressions pass over her face, catching the moments when she finally relaxed and laughed at his joke was both familiar and calming. For an instant, it felt like those days back in St. Louis or Rota, before everything got so complicated.

"I did a thirty day program." He waited until they were eating their entrees - a hamburger with mushrooms for her and without mushrooms for him - before he said anything.

Kara paused, burger halfway to her mouth. He noticed that she didn't seem surprised by his admission, and he wondered who had told her. Carlton, probably. She took a small bite, chewing slowly, then set down her burger before answering. "When you first left?"

"Yes. It was a condition of joining Delta Team."

"Did it help?" She asked, looking directly at him, challenge in her eyes, and he knew exactly what Kara was thinking. Was it worth leaving her and Frankie?

"Yeah, it did." He chewed on a French fry. "I was supposed to have regular check-ins but then everything in Columbia happened. Now that I'm back, I'm seeing a counselor weekly."

"I'm glad that you're seeing someone." Kara played with her burger, picking it up and then setting it back down. "But why are you telling me this, Danny? Are you asking to come home?"

Trust Kara to cut to the heart of the matter.

Her voice trembled slightly, not with anger this time but with hurt, and he wanted to tell her everything. He wanted to confess how scared he was that he would hurt her or, god forbid, Frankie. That it wasn't that he didn't want to come home, but that he couldn't come home - not when he didn't trust himself not to do something horrible.

"I don't want to lose you, Kara," he said, stumbling over the words. "You or Frankie. Right now I need to focus on the war and getting my head on straight. But at the end of this, I'm hoping that there will still be a place for me."

Kara picked up her burger, not looking at him. "You'll always be Frankie's father. Nothing will change that. I told Frankie that we could have a pool party next week for his birthday. You should come."

God, he'd forgotten. He had forgotten his own kid's birthday. Five. His son was five now. As the guilt piled up, threatening to drown him, Danny pushed away the thoughts. Compartmentalized. It was a skill he always excelled at - except with it came to Kara and Frankie.

"I'll come by to see him," Danny hedged, only to earn himself a look that he knew well. "I'll come to the party, Kara. Text me the details. Okay?"

Kara's face softened. "It would mean a lot to Frankie."

Danny fought the urge to reach across the table to take Kara's hand. "What about you? Would it mean a lot to you?"

"I don't know." Kara sighed. "You left, Danny. You left without a word. I begged you to tell me what was going on and instead of talking to me you turned to Sasha Cooper."

Now that wasn't what Danny expected. Kara couldn't possibly think ... "Sasha and I are just friends..."

"I know that," Kara cut him off. "It's not about sex."

"Then what is it about?" Danny asked, completely baffled. Of all the things he expected Kara to complain about, talking to Sasha hadn't even been on the list.

Kara set down her burger, pushing away the plate, and he could see tears glittering in her eyes. "Trust, Danny. It's about trust. I found out that you left from a note on the counter. I learned that you lied to me about being on a mission at a barbeque. The only reason I knew that you weren't lying about joining Delta Team is because I have access to the computer tracking system. That's not marriage, Danny. That's not a relationship at all. You went to see Mike and Carlton and Sasha and you couldn't even send me a text."

"I'll make up for it," he vowed, yet he could see that she didn't believe him. And why would she? This time he did reach out, taking her hand in his. "Tell me what you want me to do."

"It's not that easy, Danny," Kara replied, her eyes fixed on their hands as they sat on the table. "What I need is for you to step up and be a father, Danny. The way you promised."

As much as Danny was expecting it, he flinched. "I'll start seeing him more."

He could tell that it wasn't enough, but it was something. Kara pulled her hand away, fiddling with her empty plate and napkin. "Things at Command are a mess. I'm working all sorts of hours and I need to be able to count on you to help. It's too much for Mom to have him all the time and there's nobody else," Kara paused, drawing in a deep breath. "I still keep reaching for my phone, thinking that I need to call Alisha but I can't and ..."

Kara trailed off, biting on her lip as she stared at the ceiling. Fuck. He hadn't even thought about Alisha, about how much her loss must be impacting Kara. Some effort he was making, so focused on the mess in his own head that he had forgotten both his kid's birthday and the fact that his wife just lost her best friend. "I'm sorry about what happened, Kara. Russ filled me in on Kelsi."

"Thanks." Kara gave him a weak smile. "It's just...she survived so many things and then to die in her own apartment here in Florida. It feels so damn unfair. Death in the line of duty, well, I can accept that. But murder? If I saw Kelsi right now, I'm not sure what I would do."

Danny thought about how different Frankie's death felt, the fact that he died from his own hand somehow making it all so much worse than losing Smith or Berchem or Cruz. It was something they talked about in group. Why some deaths were harder than others. But murder was different.

What Zack did to his family was different.

Pushing aside the thought, Danny thought back to that day in Gitmo when he packed up Frankie Benz's bunk, and how much it meant to him that Kara was there with him. Maybe there was something he could do. Danny checked his watch. "What time is Debbie bringing Frankie home?"

"He's sleeping there," Kara replied. "He usually does when I work late. It's easier. Why?"

Pushing aside the immediate guilt of knowing that, if Danny were home, there would be no reason for Frankie to sleep elsewhere, Danny pulled out a few bills to drop on the table. "Because I'm going to suggest that we blow this joint and pick up two quarts of ice cream to enjoy Chez Green. I know how much you enjoy eating Rocky Road while watching bad late night television. You can pretend that I'm Alisha and tell me all of the hot gossip on base."

But instead of smiling, Kara was studying him through narrowed eyes. "I thought that you didn't want to come to the house? Or is it because you don't want to see Frankie?"

"I'll come see him, I promise," Danny replied, warming to this new idea by the second. Going to the house now, when Frankie wasn't there, would be better. This way they could spend some time together, just the two of them - and he could make sure that he wasn't going to panic the moment that he walked in the door.

"Fine, let's go. But I'll drive myself. You can follow me." Kara paused. "Where are you staying anyway?"

"Carlton's couch."

Kara's eyebrows shot up. "Still? I thought you would have gotten your own place by now."

Danny shrugged, ignoring the question in her eyes, trying to understand why he would be crashing on Carlton's couch when requesting a bunk on base would be the work of two seconds. "It's comfortable."

Kara's lips pursued, but then she stood, picking up her purse. "Let's go."