Chapter 61: Late night talks and tea

…

"Do you remember the first time she crossed your warning line?" Joanne asked Michael after a few minutes of silence the two drinking their second coffees. The killer nodded and a slight smile touched his lips. "God," she put a hand to her face. "Dr Loomis went absolutely ballistic. I mean totally lost his temper. I have never, ever heard him shout like that. I was certain he was going to discipline me. I was fully expecting it too."

It would appear you were wrong then.

She grinned a little. "Ha. But you know what? To this day I don't know why he didn't. I mean ok, Danielle seemed to trust me and maybe even like me, or maybe because I admitted I'd made a mistake."

Why? What did you do?

She flushed a little. "I was talking to Jamie about something on TV the night before and I took my eyes off her for a second too long."

He chuckled. Smart move.

"Shut it," she mock glared at him. "Of course your line isn't tactile so her cane wouldn't detect it when she was crossing it! I was expecting the staff to put something tactile on it for the future. Why… why did you just touch her arm and not… not try to… you know?"

I do not know. She has asked me the very same question. I will say to you what I said to her. Perhaps because even then I noticed she was vulnerable in not being able to see me.

"Why did you care?" Joanne said before she could think it through. "Shit, you're Michael Myers, a killer! Or at least you were. Why in God's name would that stop you? Yeah there were guards everywhere, but shit man we both know if you'd really wanted to…" The killer smiled at her; she couldn't help smiling back. "Well?" Their gazes remained locked and she could tell he was seriously considering the question.

I think that is the answer. She could not see me, or perhaps it was because I in fact knew she'd crossed my line by accident and was totally unaware of this fact, so I wanted to warn her that if she came over it again I would attack.

"But you didn't," her voice was just above a whisper she realised. "The second time you held her hand for fuck's sake!" He sighed softly. This time she was the one to stand and approach his chair, it was her to kneel beside him and put her arm around him. "You're a good man Michael Myers," she murmured. "Somewhere deep down inside of you is a good man beyond whatever sparked your rage, need and desire to kill. Can't you see that? She's blind and you know what? She saw it. She saw the good man in you as buried deep down as he was. She saw him and brought him back!" She hugged him tightly as again they were silent but did not break their eye contact. Reaching forward, she took his warm and strong hand in hers and they squeezed.

You may be right.

"Maybe? I'd say the odds are good I'm bang on the money."

Perhaps you are.

"Do you remember when I first met you?" She shivered a little now. "That first day? Oh my God! A rookie guard, sure I had experience elsewhere like I told you at dinner two days ago, but this was a whole new ball game for me. Smith's Grove a psychiatric hospital with the most dangerous patients in the country, that was new. All the experience in the world could not completely prepare me for that."

Well you were clearly qualified enough.

"Ha," she chuckled. "Michael they're pieces of paper, training, tests. They don't fully prepare you for the real thing, nothing really can however hard they might try, it's impossible. Only when you enter the actual hospital can you fully grasp the job that's been intrusted to you. You know they even have actors to help with the training and act as patients? Violent, insane, aggressive, physical, vocal, you name it! But at the end of the day I think something in you deep down knows they're actors, it's not real. But when you walk through those doors for the first time, it's real alright! I remember when I first saw you. I was like holy fuck that's Michael Myers! Shit, what have I done? But by then it was too late. I'd got the job, passed all the tests and so on, so I had to do it to prove to myself I could even if to no one else. But right at that moment when I saw you I wanted to run as fast as I could the other way!"

He squeezed her to him again. She smiled at him. "Then you saw me, remember? I just remember you appearing in front of your bars, I didn't even hear or see you move! You can move so quietly it's terrifying! All of a sudden bang! You were there, your eyes on me. That cold, emotionless gaze. The only thing I could think was this guy could kill me so easily! I have to guard this killer?"

And now?

That's so a rhetorical question and you damn well know it Myers!" She smirked at him. "Now, I deeply care about you. I like all of us have seen the real Michael Myers come out and we both know who to thank for that!"

You're going to ask me how or why she did it, aren't you?

"No," she squeezed his hand. "Because that I think would be an unfair question. I'm guessing you don't know or even fully understand it yourself, right?" He shook his head. "Exactly. So why would I ask you something you can't answer?"

Because I'm expecting it, have done since she… found her way into my heart.

"Oh Michael," now Joanne couldn't help herself. She pulled him into her arms this time and a tight hug. The killer stood again and reciprocated. "No one is judging you," she said softly. "In fact we hugely respect you. Why do you think we 'allowed' you to kill Jefferson? Baker? Not to mention that fucker Dawson? Because we could see you were protecting a woman who… ok with Jefferson it just angered you, Baker you were close friends and Dawson need I say more? He'd badly hurt, abused and raped on many occasions the woman you'd fallen in love with, almost causing her to take her life which is how we met her in the first place. The woman who'd done so much for you without even realising it! Look how protective you were of her when Andrews wanted her chained! There was no way you were going to let that happen just as we weren't! But don't keep 'expecting' that question because it won't come. Not from my lips, Rick's, Jack's or the doctors."

If you say so.

"You're not convinced?" It was her turn to kiss his cheek. "Let's call it… a woman's instinct!" She heard his soft sound of amusement and hugged him again. "Ah now, don't you go under estimating us Mr. Myers. We women know what we're talking about! No seriously, no one in our little group is going to ask you that. Plus if anyone does you'd be totally within your rights to ignore it. It's none of their business as Danielle said that night."

Now you are speaking of Laurie, aren't you?

She knew that too was not a question but Michael didn't tense or release her if anything he held her tighter. "Strode can mind her own fucking business," she'd said before she could stop herself. "Jesus! She just sees a killer; she's got no idea what's happened over the last few months and neither does she need to know. So for her to harass Danielle will be bang out of order! That cow giving her Danielle's number? Fuck me! That's just… wow!"

She heard him chuckle again as she finished her passionate rant and he squeezed her close.

Well said.

She smiled. "I try. But damn that pissed me off! I mean fucking hell! What? Like 'oh, she's Michael Myers' prime target, so she knows more about him than you? She's his enemy, so listen?' Seriously!"

That really angers you doesn't it.

"Damn fucking right it does! I hope Laurie doesn't try and accost Danielle when she's back in Haddonfield."

So do I, for her sake.

Joanne shivered. "Yeah, but like Danielle said 'you want to kill her anyway, have done since 1978.'"

Maybe that will change, but only if she is very, very careful. She makes any move to approach and interrogate her, she will die.

"Then I think you or one of us should tell Danielle this, so she can pass the message on to Laurie. She deserves a warning."

Fine. I would ask you to do that, please?

"Of course," she hugged him again. "Leave it with me."

I thank you. Incidentally, I am sincerely thankful I didn't meet the man who broke your jaw in that prison. Or perhaps I should rephrase, he should be.

She hugged him again as these words bought her close to tears. "Thank you," she said sincerely. Michael stood and hugged her back. "That means a hell of a lot to me."

You're welcome. I in turn thank you for taking care of her the way you have.

"Nothing to thank me for." She glanced at her watch. "It's fifteen minutes to 9, shall we make a move?"

Fine by me.

"Thank you for the chat, Michael. I have really enjoyed this chance to get to know you better."

As have I you.

She couldn't help it and hugged him again before they left the office. Michael walked at her side and she didn't even consider chains as they headed down the corridors. When they reached the conference room, doctors Loomis and Stark plus Jack were already there.

"Good morning Joanne, Michael," Dr Stark greeted with a smile. They entered and sat down, Michael writing on his notepad.

I think we should close the doors so she has to open them, also maybe a couple at the back talking so the only way she can get your attention is to use the microphones?

Dr Loomis laughed. "That's a great idea Michael, I was already thinking along the same lines. Joanne, Jack, care to do the honours?"

"Sure thing," they said together and headed to the very back of the huge conference room. "She'll have to ring the call bell to get our breakfast," Dr Loomis said to Michael who smiled at him.

…

Despite initially sleeping heavily, Danielle was awake very early the next morning. She lay in bed listening to the silence, apart from Nigel's slow deep breathing. She knew why she was awake and it had nothing to do with Chancer's execution the night before fucking Adam. He was still there, still taunting her even after death, just as she'd feared he would. It was the nightmare which had awoken her. That house, Adam chaining her to the bed to rape her, his vicious many assaults, his shouts. His demanding she call him 'Sir' in almost every sentence she addressed to him. Doing so seemed to be the only way to keep him happy. That was if not assaulting her in any way constituted happy in Adam's world. He's dead! She told herself firmly. He's dead and he can't hurt you again! Your now other half made sure of that! But while she knew this was true, it didn't stop the dreams. Sometimes they seemed worse than the reality had been. She tried to tell herself this was because dreams were all she had left and would never have to face the reality again, but those words didn't help her much. She thought of Nigel's words to her two nights ago. 'Something like that will take a while to recover from, that's if you ever can' and hoped people wouldn't see this as a setback on her part. After all she was already seeing it that way so why shouldn't they? Slipping quietly out of bed, she used the bathroom before creeping into the kitchen. Shutting the door as quietly as she could, she checked her phone. 03:05AM. "Fuck!" She said out loud. This was not the time she wanted to wake up at. Heading over to the kettle, she turned it onto boil having made sure both doors were shut so as not to wake Nigel and being as quiet as she could. Fortunately the kettle wasn't a particularly loud one. When it was boiled she poured out her drink, Nigel having shown her where the sugar and tea bags were and she grabbed the milk from the fridge. She could tell how full the cup was by the increasing pitch as water entered it and knew just how much to put in to add the amount of milk she liked. Once this was done, she sat down at the table with her drink and tried to calm herself. She'd woken up with her heart hammering. She took several deep breaths and reminded herself again that Adam could not hurt her from beyond the grave. Not in the same ways as in life anyway.

She knew she'd need to speak to Dr Stark about this, but also didn't want it to affect her treatment. As she'd said regarding her old number 'I can't run to you in tears every time.' The same held true here, but she was also no longer ashamed as she had been when she'd first arrived at Smith's Grove to seek the doctor's help. That was why she was here after all and why her family had urged her to go. The second time upon entering this hospital she had a lot more confidence, independence and after all she was also there voluntarily, Michael aside. Ah, Michael. She sighed softly, part out of happiness, but also she couldn't deny it to herself, longing. She didn't regret staying with Nigel what so ever and was glad she had. She knew only too well she'd see him in just under six hours, but the temptation to text him now was unbelievably strong. She could hear Dr Stark's voice as clearly as if she were in the room. 'Then do it, that's what partners are there for, when the other needs them. Michael won't mind, I already know this.' She just wished she could be as convinced as her imaginary doctor was. The problem also was that she was desperately longing for something from Michael, such a small thing to someone not in an abusive relationship before. Hell they wouldn't even ask; they'd just do it. But even though he'd gently told her many times to just do it regarding touching his ears, this was a whole new ball game. It was something he'd only done for her twice in all the time she'd known him and all she wanted with all her heart right then was for him to do so again. The thing was she would love to instigate it but was too afraid. Maybe it's just because I've just had nightmares about Adam? She thought as she sipped her tea. Maybe that's all it is and I'll feel more confident come morning? But she still wasn't convinced. She knew within herself even if no one else was willing to accept it, that it would take her a long time before she'd feel or be strong enough to just do things with Michael as normal. That was if she ever was. She sighed, feeling the threatening sting of tears. NO! She shouted at herself. DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE CRY AVERY! YOU CAN DO THIS; YOU JUST HAVE TO TELL HIM! Ah but that was the problem wasn't it? Telling Michael. She wasn't even sure she was able to do that tiny thing. She also feared, irrational as it was, that if she told anyone what she was struggling with they'd laugh. Hell if she was on the outside and this wasn't in fact her situation she probably would've done! Not at the woman herself, but the absurdity of not being able to ask her partner for such a tiny thing. No you wouldn't, she thought. Because you know how cruel that would be. So by that same token, nor will they! You have to trust them and stop being so paranoid. Adam's fault yes, but why are you letting him have even that small victory when he's dead and gone? That's what he'd want after all.

She cradled the hot mug in her hands, feeling the steam hitting her face and all of a sudden it hit her. Self-hatred. Why the fuck could she not even ask Michael for something so small without fears? Of course she knew the answer, which was why she was back in at Smith's Grove in the first place, the main reason at least. Adam. It all came back to fucking Adam fucking Dawson. He was the reason she was in this mess; he couldn't even let her recover in peace could he? Oh no, because even that would be making her think she'd 'got away from him!' No, he had to remind her 'who was boss' even inside Smith's Grove. It wasn't enough to let her heal and then try something, no he took the first chance he got and it fucking succeeded! Why? How had it been allowed to succeed? How had Charlotte got so badly hurt because of him? Even if the sneaky bastard had covered his tracks on that occasion, she knew it had been him! Who the fuck else would have a random reason to hit and run Charlotte Avery in the street? Jesus Christ! Ok Adam had now been served the ultimate justice, but it still made her so angry and upset. But most of all as selfish as it sounded, was the fact he'd been able to target her. Charlotte in a terribly sad way kind of made sense. She was out in society, easy to target. But she'd been in a damn hospital, supposedly safe and even then Adam hadn't stopped. The texts, Emails, calls had continued all throughout her first stint in Smith's Grove. She'd only gone back to Haddonfield because he'd, yes he'd hurt Charlotte! Should she have perhaps realised the whole thing had been some kind of sick, cruel trap she'd fallen straight into? She'd been so desperate to go to Haddonfield to be with her friend while she fought for her life that she hadn't even considered Adam's possible ulterior motive! Had he done it purposely to get to her because he knew she'd come running if Charlotte got hurt? STOP! JUST FUCKING STOP! YOU CAN'T THINK ABOUT IT NOW, IT'S OVER! Charlotte WILL BE OK; SHE HAS TO BE! SHE FUCKING HAS TO BE! Adam's DEAD, DON'T THINK ABOUT IT, STOP ALREADY AVERY! GO BACK TO BED DAMN IT! But it was too late. The tears were falling before she even realised it and soon she was crying in earnest. Adam had scarred hers and Charlotte's lives so badly she wasn't sure either of them would ever recover completely. Charlotte's bullshit about how she hadn't been in as much danger as she had been was just that, bullshit. Abuse was abuse just as Dr Stark had told Charlotte herself. But it wasn't just all that, it was Michael. She was missing him so bad it felt like the worst kind of ache, except this one was deep within her heart. She knew she was being stupid she'd see him very soon, but it didn't take the pain away. Perhaps it wasn't just the pain though. It was probably also because she wanted to ask him for something, something so small yet huge to her but because of the late Adam Dawson's influence she still wasn't sure if she could. What were the doctors expecting? That she'd leave Smith's Grove perfectly recovered? If so she'd be there for a long time yet, voluntarily or not.

She didn't hear the kitchen door open and only knew Nigel was there when his arms came around her, pulling her tightly to him. He didn't speak just let her cry, handed her some tissues and rattled the open white chocolate cookie packet on the table. At this sound she gave a faint smile unable to help it and it turned into a small chuckle when he put her hands on his ears. Still he didn't speak though and she was grateful for this, as it gave her time to get her thoughts, feelings and emotions under control or even straight in her own head. She gently pulled his ears and he chuckled, leaning in and kissing her cheek. She wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him as tightly as she could. If it hadn't been for this man right here, she would very probably if not certainly be dead now. While that was what she'd wanted at the time, now? Still without speaking, he kissed her cheek again and stood, heading to the kettle. She heard it boiling and then him pouring out his own drink, before he slipped into the chair beside hers at the table. She knew only too well what this silent signal meant. 'We're talking, tell me what's wrong.' Or maybe she was mistaken, maybe he was just being there for her while she cried. Either way, she fucking adored him. Eventually she was able to look up at him, throwing her tissues in the bin. Unable to resist, she took a white chocolate cookie before silently holding out the packet to him. Fuck the time, this was one of her comforts and of course he knew it. It was one of the many things she'd told him while they'd talked when Adam was at work. He took one and they sat there in silence for a few moments, drinking their hot drinks and nibbling their cookies. She was the first to break it.

"I didn't wake you did I?"

"Irrelevant as that is, no babe you didn't. I woke up and saw you weren't in bed. I was heading back from the bathroom when I heard you in the kitchen."

"I'm sorry, I couldn't sleep.

"So you're apologising for… what exactly?"

She smiled a little. "Fuck! Nothing, I fuck!" She ran her hands across her face. God she was tired. Not necessarily physically, but mentally. Tired of Adam's constant influence even now, tired of her own what she viewed as a weakness not to ask Michael such simple things. All she wanted to do now was the very opposite of what she'd wanted when she'd first entered this hospital and that was to live.

""I want to ask Michael to do something for me. He's done it twice and I fucking loved it! But I… I'm struggling tonight. God! What I wouldn't give to ask him today, but… but I don't know if I'm strong enough yet."

"That's not a crime, you know that right? No one will hold it against you least of all Michael."

She sighed. "Wish I could tell myself that and believe it."

"What that Michael won't hold it against you?"

"No, the fact it's not stupid. Because I feel like it is and I don't know what to do about it. I can't stop thinking and it's driving me insane! Are Dr Stark, Dr Loomis and our family yes Nige I said 'our,' expecting me to leave here fully recovered? If so I'll see them in about… fifty years!"

He chuckled. "No honey of course we're not. You leave when you're ready to leave. That's what Dr Stark said was it not? So listen to her. As for what this 'tiny' thing is you need to ask Michael," she knew he was quoting her use of the word 'tiny,' reminding her that to her it wasn't. "Then if it takes time that's ok. You've told me how kind he's been to you about things like that! So it's not a 'tiny' thing if it's worrying you or it's something you desperately want him to do for you! Tell him in whatever way you can and I guarantee he'll do it, no questions asked. Is it to touch his ears?"

At this she finally did laugh properly at last. "No, although God knows I want to do that too! His ears are so fucking sexy!"

He laughed with her. "Well… I don't have a… thing for ears, so I'll have to take your word for that!"

She took a deep breath and finally told him what she'd been thinking about the late Adam's real motive for having Charlotte injured, getting to her when she of course went down to Haddonfield to be with her. "Did I fall straight into his trap?" She asked softly.

"Darling," Nigel pulled her tightly back into his arms. "That too is irrelevant now. Because you and I both know Charlotte will wake up, will come back to us! You can't keep thinking and wondering about that it'll do you no good at all! Plus if you dare to say you feel like it was your fault Danielle Avery that Charlotte got hurt because Adam wanted to get to you, I will never whistle or let you touch my ears again!"

"I think I'd better take that threat seriously," she managed to laugh again. "But please, I have to say this once, I kind of… do! I mean shit. The DASC should've protected her yes, but Adam of course knew I'd run down to Haddonfield when it happened, he was probably planning all this even before Charlotte got hurt!"

"Ok, so I've let you say it once, fine. But I'm warning you if you say you feel that way to me again, no whistling or ears for you!"

She smiled a little. "You're on. Thanks Nige, I love you."

"I love you too, more than anything in the world. I'd do anything for you, you know that right?"

"Ditto," she kissed his cheek this time as they sat holding each other.

"As for feeling 'guilty,' this time she knew he was quoting her. "Answer me this, once! Why? You didn't make Adam do it! What? Were you just supposed to not come down to Haddonfield and say 'oh sorry I can't? I know Charlotte's critically ill but I can't be with my best friend because that's what Adam wants?" Fuck that dead peace of fucking shit! You would never have not gone to be with Charlotte. Tell me something. If you'd known what you very unfortunately do now, that Adam was planning to grab you as a result of you being in Haddonfield, would you have remained in Smith's Grove? Even knowing Charlotte was fighting to survive?"

She considered his question, but not for long. "No fucking chance!" She almost growled.

"Then I rest my case," he hugged her fiercely to him. "That's why we all fucking love you so much Danielle Avery, even Michael fucking Myers does! Because you're selfless, you always put others first and you didn't even consider that it might put you in danger at the time did you? Can you honestly tell me that entered your head during your journey back down to Haddonfield?"

"Not for a second," she admitted instantly.

"Then let me ask you again and for the final, and I mean final time. Why do you feel guilty? How was it your fault? You did what any real friend would've done, not even considered the danger you might be in over your best friends and now sisters remember? Health. You did nothing wrong; Dawson orchestrated the whole fucking thing! He's the evil fucker here or maybe I should say was, thank you Michael," he whistled a happy little tune and she at last giggled. "So don't you dare blame yourself, got me? If that was Adam's plan to injure Charlotte to get you down to Haddonfield and attack, how is that your fault? I mean it, argue with me and your whistling and ears access from me are over for life!"

She felt tears sliding down her face again, but this time of love. "Fuck I love you," she said through her constricted throat as she hugged him again. "I know you're right… I just… I know I can't and refuse to call it 'survivor's guilt' because Charlotte's not fucking dead yet and she fucking isn't going to be! I just hate to think of the fact he used my sister as a chip to get to me!"

"Which was not your fault. How do you know for certain he wouldn't have tried to hurt Charlotte without you in the picture?"

This was something she had to admit she hadn't even considered. "Well I don't," she said quietly.

"Exactly! So no guilt, hear me?"

"Thank you Nigel Manning," she hugged him so tightly she heard him pretend he couldn't breathe. But she couldn't release him. He hugged her back just as fiercely and she kissed his cheek once, twice. "I fucking adore you," she said, her tears of love hitting his face. He picked up a tissue and lovingly wiped her eyes.

"I 'fucking' adore you too," he said, his own voice cracking. "Don't you ever forget that! I could never, ever have let you fucking hang in that garage because of that fucker!"

"I owe you my life," she said simply. "Nothing more or less. Though," she smiled through her tears now. "If Michael had had his way when I first arrived it would've all been for nothing anyway!"

He chuckled and now took her hand, pulling her to her feet. "Come on you, let's get some more sleep. You'll see a certain Michael, yes Michael," he whistled again and she laughed genuinely this time. "In just a few hours. What is it they say? Absence makes the heart grow… bigger? Or something like that!"

"It's fonder you daft bugger," now her laughter was real.

"Oh!" He slapped his forehead. "Of course it is! I forgot!"

Still grinning, she finally slid back into bed. She felt a million times better although she still just hoped she could ask Michael for her tiny little request.

"Just ask him," Nigel said from the other bed. She gaped at him. "How…"

He laughed. "Dr Loomis taught me the gift," he said in a mysterious voice. She giggled again. "Fuck off!"

"Because I know you Missy, that's how! I know what you're thinking about! Listen babes I know it's hard given everything, of course I do! But that's what Dr Stark said. Work with Michael, let him soothe you when you slip up and I'm sure you help him when he… struggles too."

She thought of the day Michael had said those dangerous five words to her in their cell. 'I need to kill someone.' Nigel was right. She'd hugged him then, asked if there was anything she could do to help him and even moved them both so they were lying down in a cuddle. If she could do that, could she do this too? She thought of his text to her straight after she'd done so. 'You see? This is the control you always should've had. With me, you always will.' So could she act on it and ask him for it? She still didn't know. But one thing was certain. She WOULD get rid of Adam Dawson from her memories, nightmares and existence. It might take time, but she'd realised recently she was nothing if not a fighter. When Adam had grabbed her she hadn't gone to pieces, 'go to hell Adam' was a pretty damn good indication of that. No, her family and the doctors, not to mention Michael and the guards were all right. Fuck Adam, he was dead and had no power over her! She was no longer the woman who'd walked through these doors the first time and she would make damn sure the world knew as much.