Warning: Smut (of the very basic horny stupids-in-love kind).

The walk to the ship was made in silence. Bastila's back was tight and my thoughts bounced around my head like a wild blaster bolt. So much so, I barely paid attention to what was around me and was shocked when we arrived in what seemed to be no time at all. The anticipation was causing my hands to shake.

We climbed up the ramp into the cold air of the Ebon Hawk. T3 gave a happy beep and rolled up to us. I smiled back and waved him away. Bastila was still on the move. I could sense her heart beating rapidly in her chest. The tempo of her breath increased and…I don't even think she was paying attention to where we were going.

The doors to the women's dorm room hissed open and she marched forward then stopped. Silence…for too long of a time. Eventually, she turned to face me. She stood framed by the Ebon Hawk's fluorescent lights. Jedi robe draped over her body and tied closed, tan trousers, face flush, chest rising and falling. A...shudder. Like nerves. I staggered past the door frame as if possessed. Her gaze hadn't left mine.

The door hissed closed behind me.

"What is it that you wanted to talk about, sunshine?"

Her face twisted. "I need to tell you…something."

"Something?"

"Something very important. About the bond."

My tight body relaxed. "What about the bond?" She stepped closer, shivering still. I stepped closer too. She opened her mouth to speak, yet I had to interrupt her. "You're afraid."

Confusion filled her eyes.

"No, I'm—"

"I sense it. You're afraid…" I paused, sensing the bond. "...of me." Horrified, I met her gaze again. "Why are you afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you!" She shouted then became reflective. "No. Not anymore."

"Not anymore?" My voice broke. "What do you mean 'not anymore?' So, you were afraid of me—why?"

She came close, very close, and she held my cheek, traced her thumb over my cheekbone.

"It's because…you were…" She paused—her gray eyes wide. "You are in pain. So much pain. I sensed it at the beginning. Before the bond was forged." She shivered. "And after it was…your pain felt more real. Always in the back of my mind, it tormented me. Tested me. I was afraid of this bond at first. I mistook your torment as grotesque darkness. I wanted nothing to do with it. Feared it." Her whispered breath warmed my lips. "I still fear it. Only now I fear what it does to you. I want to make your pain stop. Need to make it stop. It's—"

I lifted her hand away from my face. I felt paralyzed.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm sorry." Bastila closed her eyes. "I'm probably not making much…sense."

No. She wasn't. I opened my mouth in shock and confusion. So confused that I didn't answer for a moment.

"Even if what you said were true, it's my pain to bear. Not yours."

"If I don't stop it, you will break. You will fall," she said. "I can't let that happen."

"I won't fall if you're with me."

I grabbed her hands.

"But what if I'm not there to help you? What if I—"

"That won't happen." I tightened my grip. "If someone hurts you…kills you, I—"

"No." She released my hands and whispered, fearful. "No, I meant…what if I'm not strong enough? What if I fall to the dark side?"

I froze. And with it was cold. Anguish. A mask of pure terror.

"That won't happen. Ever."

She shook her head. "Everyone can—"

"That's what you're afraid of. You're afraid of falling. Still."

"And you're not?" Her face became stony. "You're not afraid of falling to the dark side?"

"No. I'm not. I told you. I'd rather not become a pale, yellow-eyed monster."

"You're lying." She sneered. "You're afraid. I can sense the dark…the darkness. The pain in you. It's getting stronger. Worse. Everyday. You're just…pretending."

"So what?" I hissed. But I reigned myself back. "Yes. I'm afraid. But I'm only pretending that I'm not because it's an unfounded fear." I came closer and took her hands again. I rubbed my forehead against hers. "I will never fall to the dark side. Why? Because you love me. So, there is no way you will fall either…because I love you."

I moved to kiss her, yet she pulled her head away.

"No. We can't! You..." I sensed nausea pooling in her stomach. "This can't work. It can't work because you are…" Her eyes glistened as she looked back up at me. "You are…"

My brow creased.

"I'm what?"

She shut down—eyes empty as if she'd died. Then tears…ran down her face. She sucked in a breath and even though I didn't know why she was crying, I couldn't bear to let her stand there like that. I pulled her into an embrace and held the back of her head, hugging her close. She buried her face in my chest, hiding her tears.

"I can't." Her voice was muffled. "I'm not strong enough. I don't think…I'll ever be…"

I frowned and pulled away.

"No. You're wrong. And even if you weren't, it doesn't matter. You don't have to—"

She hooked her arms around my neck and pushed me into a deep kiss. Once again, the electricity within the bond became overwhelming and the waves of desire, pleasure, warmth consumed my mind until I could barely think or…control my body. I pulled her close—closer than when we danced—and held her tight as my lips, my tongue, danced with hers. A sweet flavor consumed my tongue—the nuts and whiskey from the ryshcate.

I pushed her back—deeper into the room. Against the wall by the beds. Too bright. I waved and the lights dimmed. The blue darkness of the ship hugged us both. She pushed back against me, we fought each other with sweet kisses then...

Something in the back of my mind flashed a warning.

No. It doesn't matter.

I pressed another kiss to her lips—pushing her head tight against the wall. I pulled my hands through her hair, her pigtails fell away, her hair free. Light fingers tugged at my robe—my tunic. I threw off my robe then pulled my tunic over my head and dropped it to the floor. Her hands moved across my bare torso. Like hot pokers. My own fingers responded—I untied her robe and pushed it off her shoulders.

We continued kissing. My hands rubbed her body and drifted down past her hips, to her behind. She sighed and leaned into me. I continued to run my hands up across her behind, her waist, her sides, and pushed her tunic up her chest. Her gaze met mine—heart pounding with anticipation. After finishing the next kiss, I pulled her tunic off. Pale breasts soaked in the blue light.

Kriff—you're beautiful.

She bit a nervous kiss on my lower lip—gray eyes looking up at me with a shivering lust. I pressed another kiss on her lips and she returned the favor, getting close. Warm. My legs wobbled as I felt her breasts push against my chest. I fell back away from pressing her against the wall and sat on one of the bunks. She followed and kneeled over me, hooking her legs around my waist, sitting on my lap. Pressing…close. Very close. Closer than that one time she tackled me on Tatooine.

Her hair tickled my nose as she pressed kisses down onto me. She smelled like the gardens on Dantooine.

Electricity returned and all concerns I had faded from my mind. I struggled to lean forward to unlace my boots. She helped me as I did, kissing me over and over. I flung my boots off, away. She did the same while her kisses warmed my lips. When our boots were gone, she leaned on to me, breasts pressing on my chest again, body trembling. Nervous. Unsure…of what to do.

She gasped as I flipped her onto her back on the bed. Her nervous gray eyes stared up at me. Wavering.

Her head sunk into the pillow. I pushed her into the small mattress and kissed down onto her, her body melted into mine, legs spreading apart. My center ground into hers. A spike of pleasure rushed at the rubbing sensation. My hand traveled down and found one of her bare breasts. Gently, I kneaded—she hummed. My other hand rubbed everywhere else, her arm, her chest, her face, waist, thigh. As she hummed, my kisses traveled down…down her jaw, her neck, her collarbone.

So beautiful.

The sensation of my touch along with her shivers of pleasure affected my own pleasure, my own arousal. She was sending these emotions over to me. Over the bond. It was...strange to be affected by her mentally like this. Old Wes would have thought it was a breach of privacy, but…but I didn't block her out. Force no, I let it happen.

I leaned back so that I could brush my lips near the peak of her right breast. Her expression slackened as I kissed around her hardened nipple, and before she became too lost in her arousal, I trailed my kisses over to her other breast. I went from breast to breast yet never touched her nipples. Teasing her.

Her face twisted, her lips trembled. I smirked as I finally sensed frustration at my teasing. She narrowed her eyes and her shivering hands gripped the sides of my head. Not pushing me away. Pushing me down. I stopped teasing then consumed her nipple in my mouth.

Sweat built on my brow. Heat…grew underneath my trousers. Under her trousers. On my face. On her face. Over my body. Over her body. She shivered and wrapped her fingers through my hair as I messaged her nipple with my lips, rubbed the peak with my tongue.

"Force, I…you…"

Her accent was barely recognizable through her heavy breathing. And then I stopped. I couldn't take it anymore. She knew. She knew I wanted her. And…I could sense the same thing within her. She wanted me.

I pulled myself back up then slid my tongue in her mouth. She gasped in surprise against my tongue. I ached for touch, for…for something to touch me.

My lightsaber clattered in the distance—my belt unhooked at the front. I stopped kissing her as I felt a hand push beneath my trousers. Shaking fingers brushed around my length. She knew. She knew and she obliged. My eyes rolled back.

Kriff.

I twitched and grunted at the unexpected touch—at the tingling sensation. Her fingers didn't move, unsure of what to do. I bit my lip then pulled down my belt and waistband until my trousers were off. A shiver rippled over my naked body. I grabbed her hand and squeezed tight. My heart pounded. Hard. Her lips parted and she blinked fast as she squeezed me. Warm. So warm. I pushed her grip up…down. When I let go, she continued exploring, rubbing, tugging, and squeezing with a shaking hand.

Pleasure…from her exploded. Like a deflected blaster bolt the tingling ministrations from her soft fingers hit me than her again and again. She could feel what I felt. And I felt it over and over. A never-ending aching pleasure.

Before I lost control, I kissed her—deep. She gasped in surprise against my mouth and released her grip. I undid her belt—her own lightsaber clattered to the ground—and peeled her trousers off down her waist. Get them off. Her body flinched at the sensation of the cold ship air and my fingers sliding on her skin. Naked. I yanked her trousers and underwear down her thigh until more skin was exposed. Past her knees, her bare feet, until I'd thrown them off. Her legs, her entrance, spread apart…

I took her beauty in for a moment before I crawled over her naked body. I kissed her. Deep. Then I brought my center down close to her. Down. Closer. So close. Closer...in. Go in.

When my tip touched her, I froze.

Fear. Intense fear.

Everything screeched to a halt.

I yanked away from her body as if cold water had been poured onto me. Her nervous expression twitched. Warm breath tickled my chin—my own breath hit her nose. Horror filled my veins.

What the hell were we doing?

"W-Why…?" Her breathy voice whispered below me. "Why did you stop?"

"Because we…" I pushed myself further up by the hands, away from her naked body. I shivered—still warm, aroused. "We should stop. You haven't…we're going…"

Too far.

We were going too fast. Too far. My body shook. My mind…I'd become so overwhelmed…that I'd stopped thinking. Stupid. I sensed frustration. Her lips pursed. Hatred filled her eyes. Hatred…that turned into determination.

"I don't care." Her face twisted—eyes blurred with tears. "I don't care anymore."

I paused. "But it's—we aren't—"

Thinking.

She pressed kisses onto my lips as she spoke. "We don't need to think." I don't want to think. "Forget it." All of it. Don't want to remember. Don't want to be... "I want you." I need you. "Wesley Gale." Bastila Shan. "No other." Only you.

My eyes softened. My face twisted and felt hot.

"You're right." I cupped her face and pressed a kiss onto her lips again. "Oh, Force—you're right."

Her tight expression melted away—replacing it once again with light in her gray eyes. Once this stress left, her legs shook—her body shivered, desire once again returned. I planted kisses while rubbing her breasts, her waist, her thighs.

Everywhere.

I adjusted so that I could reach my hand down. It rubbed her inner thigh. Her breath hitched along with her beating heart as my hand rubbed closer…up.

I stared deep into her eyes.

I want to touch you.

Bastila's chest raised, lowered, expression still nervous, yet I also sensed intense desire. Her arm hugged my shoulder, as if in preparation. She whispered in my ear.

"Touch me."

I lowered my hand and felt soft, wet folds. Aroused. Her breath skipped as my fingers explored and her arm tightened on my shoulder as I tried…to find…

With the bond, it was easy. The closer I got, the more I sensed her arousal. Her lips parted into a moan when I finally found it. The bond breathed fire. I kissed her but she didn't kiss me back as I messaged that spot, carefully, intently. Slowly.

Her body thrust against my hand as if begging for me to go further. She flinched when one of my fingers touched her entrance. Then, I buried that finger in. Her waist twitched. Her eyes opened at the filling, uncomfortable sensation. My own breath hitched as I felt it too. I pulled it out when I sensed her discomfort.

"No, keep…going…" She placed a hand on mine and pushed. My finger went in again. "I'm okay. Go—"

I pushed in deeper and started to pump. She released my hand and grabbed my shoulder. She bit her lip as her body shook, her knees knocked into me. I kissed her and her lips vibrated against mine as she moaned. Her breath, her pale breasts, heaved. Face flushed. Fingers burned my skin as her nails clawed into my shoulder. Her body, her expression squirmed with lust. In the bond, I felt intense spikes of pleasure.

I pumped and rubbed that spot at the same time and the warmth grew. A shaking hand returned to touch my length. I stopped when she curled her fingers around and felt me from tip to base. Feeling. Passion. Heat. Fire. I couldn't…move after I felt her touch again. To stop her, I fit another finger in. She twitched with pleasure this time as I twisted and pumped. Her hand and arm fell away from me and she collapsed onto the bed. All she could focus on after that was the pleasure I gave her.

More. She needed more.

Her gasp rang past my ear as I pushed in. Deeper. Heat spread in her center as she stretched and tugged with my fingers. The desire within myself grew. Grew until my fingers couldn't achieve what we wanted.

"Wes." She whispered my name over my mouth with a hot breath, looking me in the eyes. "I…you can…I want you to…please…"

I pulled my fingers out and positioned myself between her legs. I kissed her again, softly, then deep. Gray eyes gazed over me with nervous pleasure.

I buried the tip in. At the surface. Wet. Her body shook with anticipation. So, without waiting, I broke through. In. Halfway. She yelped and winced. There was a tight, hot, stabbing pain from within me.

Ow!

I flinched, feeling her pain. Sorry.

Recovering from that, I struggled to go in more until she was less tight, less in pain, relaxed, and melded with her, hugging her, locking in, kissing her over and over. Trying desperately to give her that pleasure again. Once the pain and discomfort were gone, Bastila snorted. She was laughing. I released her from a kiss and let out a breathy laugh.

"What's…so funny?"

Her eyes sparkled.

"You...it's so…it feels—"

I jolted. She gasped and her legs spread apart more. I lifted my hips and thrust, again and again, rubbing her thigh. More sweat beaded down her brow. And mine. I nipped at her ear.

"Good?"

Her eyes rolled back. She let out a warm breath.

"Yes...oh, yes."

"Well…" My breath hitched as I felt myself twitch. I brushed a kiss over the wet hair that stuck on her forehead. "Surprise. Sex feels good." I thrusted again, feeling her pull and tug around me. "Wait—is this your first time?"

"Y-Yes, of course, you...you…idiot."

"Huh, wouldn't have…" I thrusted. She gasped. "…ha…figured."

She huffed. I stopped—concerned that I'd insulted her again. Her face scrunched into her kinrath pup expression. Then, she pushed my cheek away lightly, a smile sweetening her lips.

"Shut up." Her body went lax. She felt even less tight now. "Stop teasing me. Stop talking. Just…keep…keep going—" I thrusted hard, both of my hands grabbed onto the back of the mattress tight. She let out a squeak. "Oh. There." I thrusted. She squirmed. "There! Force. So…so good. Don't stop!"

And I obliged.

I kept a steady, slow pace. Made sure each movement, each thrust, was as filling and careful as the last. My arms pushed deep into the bed but I continued to kiss her, her lips, her neck, her jaw, her face. Bastila kissed me back and closed her eyes with a hum. I sensed an all-consuming ecstasy as we both shared our pleasure over the Force bond.

The stress. The sadness. The pain. With the pleasure, with the sensations, it was gone. From us both. It felt good. So good. And it felt odd being so…aware of what she was feeling. Different. I sensed the suction and the tingling, warm pressure within her after I filled and tugged at her with each thrust. And she could feel a slippery sensation as warm walls rubbed and gripped around me. Wet, soft, warm. Passion. Over and over. Never…felt anything…it felt so good. I'd done it before yet before it never felt real. All those other times. Hadn't been real. Blurry. Misty. Void. Faces I didn't recognize. Not real. This…it was real. It felt too good not to be real.

Bastila's hand brushed my cheek and then her arms hugged my neck as I continued thrusting. Her hot breath and moans of pleasure tickled my ear. Her lips brushed my jaw, my neck. Couldn't even kiss me anymore.

These shared sensations made me fall apart fast. Too fast.

On my next thrust, a heat rushed below. I let out a gasp and I clenched a fist on the bed. Freezing—I pulled myself up. Halfway. Out. Before I lost control. But it was too late. Bastila felt a tug as I started leaving. She'd also sensed the rush and held me tight with her legs. She pushed my head down into a kiss, gripped me. Hard. Her body shook, her waist thrust at me, and—kriff—I couldn't stop...I couldn't…let this feeling go.

I grabbed the mattress again and moaned as I pushed deep into her. So deep. My slow, steady pace turned into a slapping, wet frenzy.

We lost control. And it felt so good.

Her core warmed.

Tight. Release. Fast. Tight. Hard. Wet. Hot.

She thrust her waist to get me in deeper—all the way in. A shout of pleasure escaped her lips, she cursed the Force again as everything grew hotter. Hot. Hot lightsaber red.

When she moaned, I moaned. When she squirmed, I pumped faster. When warmth spread in her, heat filled me. When she shouted my name, I shouted hers. She could only feel me. I could only feel her. My thoughts turned inside out until I felt nothing. Nothing but the bond. The light. Nothing but her. Nothing else mattered but her.

Bastila.

Then—it stopped. Too soon. It stopped too soon.

We slowed and breathed together—in sync. Sweat ran down our bodies. All that remained was warm, wet. The sensation of ecstasy and passion disappeared. Replacing it was a flash of…regret. Fear.

What have we done?

Her eyes wavered. Worry seeped into her as she sensed my thoughts. Fortunately, the regret disappeared too. It turned into love.

Pure love.

"I love you," I whispered over her lips. "I love you so much."

Bastila blinked away a tear then kissed me—love. Love came with her kiss. I stayed in her for a moment—soaking in her love. But a wave of fatigue washed over me. I slackened out. She stopped kissing me as she let out a final gasp of pain due to the filling sensation disappearing. Then I felt…aching in my core. In my thighs. No. Bastila's thighs. There was a kink. I messaged her sore leg then hooked my fingers through her hair, around her head. I bumped my forehead and nose with hers. Kissed her once more. A tender, longer kiss. One that I wanted to last for as long as we could breathe.

I needed Bastila.

And Bastila needed me.

Warm water pounded onto my head. Bastila stood close to me under the shower, wet hair curtained her eyes as she looked down at our feet. We didn't say a word. We didn't need to. We could already feel a deep shame from each other.

We shouldn't have done that. It was dangerous. Reckless. Too many things could go wrong. Yet that wasn't why we felt ashamed.

Because, even though there was this shame, this regret, oh, we wanted to do it again. Why wouldn't we want to? It felt so good. And Bastila felt good. Better. She finally looked up at me, water droplets rained off her face, she blinked as it got into her eyes. For a moment, only she existed. I couldn't help…kissing her once more. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pressing her wet body against me…

We kissed for a few moments, hugging each other close under the water streams. Once again…I sensed that deep sadness… It hadn't gone away.

Why won't it go away?

It needed to go away.

I lifted her by her thighs and pushed her against the shower wall. She gasped in surprise yet didn't protest. I slid into her, filling her. It was easier this time with the water beating down on us. Pleasure once again thrummed in our cores. Bastila's face and body slackened as I thrust into her again and again…the stress melted away… With some help with the Force, I held her up against the wall. My name fell from her lips as I pushed closer, deeper, into her.

Forget it. All of it. None of it matters. The Force. The code. None of it. Only feel. Just feel. Emotion, yet peace. I love you. Only you. Only you matter. Wes. Bastila.

It didn't take us long to lose control again. Our moans of pleasure rang off the walls of the cramped shower. When we finished, the water pounded onto us. Shame surfaced again. The pain…the pain had gone for a moment. But it returned. It was still there.

Why?

No matter what I did, this pain within her wouldn't go away. A depressing thought. So, for now…for now, I pretended. Pretended that we'd lost control again. When the pain had disappeared.

There was a glow in her eyes as I shut off the shower. We dried each other off and left the fresher. Shivering, we sat on the bed together. So beautiful. Most of the stress had been released after we'd succumbed to our desires. So, really, did it matter? All I wanted was for her to be happy. If being in love with me made her happy, if making love to me pulled her out of this incessant depression even if it was for a moment, who cared if we were breaking the Jedi code?

I laid down and she let me pull her under the sheets. Since the bunk was only meant for one, she laid her body on top of my chest. I closed my eyes as I felt more comfortable. More at ease. Minutes passed as I held her. Feeling…relaxed at the sound of her heart beating. Her breathing. So at peace.

"After the mission…"

When I spoke, she flinched. She probably thought I'd gone to sleep. Bastila's head shifted on my chin as she leaned against my armpit and looked up. Her eyes moved, almost as bright as stars in space.

"Yes?" she asked.

I sat back, my head consumed by the pillow.

"I'm going to quit being a Jedi."

That caused her to turn and pull herself up closer to my face, the thin blanket moved with her. She looked down at me, wet hair brushing my nose, confused.

"You—"

"I didn't want to be a Jedi in the first place." I moved some wet hair away from those beautiful eyes to behind her ear then shrugged. "I only became one because of the visions. Oh, and because of you—the bond. Once we find the Star Forge and defeat Malak, the visions will stop. We'll be free."

"Free."

"Yes." I smiled. Her gaze was thoughtful. Doubtful. My expression matched. "You don't think so?"

"It's just…" She glanced to the side. "You have so much innate talent, it—"

"Oh, so you think I'm talented now, hmm?"

She huffed. "No, it's...yes. You are talented. There. Happy?"

"Very." I smirked. "How was I talented, exactly? Did you enjoy the first time better or…the second?"

"W-What? No, Wes, I—"

"For me, it was the first time. You were very talented with your hands." I snuck a quick kiss on her lips. "You might have other hidden talents..."

I kissed her over and over and gradually pushed her onto her back. Before I kissed down her body, she pressed her fingers upon my lips.

"I'm not talking about that. Though, I liked it when...you touched me, and…when we lost control. Both times. I…i-it felt good. Losing control." I sensed warmth spreading over her face as she remembered... but she reset herself with a sigh. "I was talking about your talents in the Force. It would be a shame if you didn't use those talents for the Jedi."

"Yes. What a shame." I rolled my eyes and laid back down on my back as bitter, angry thoughts climbed into my head. I'd thought she was done spouting off about this. "Too bad I was never cut out to actually be a Jedi. Master Vrook was right—I'm too old to care about the code or their rules." I stared out into the nether of the Ebon Hawk. "The Council will probably exile me anyway once I'm done being useful. Honestly? I'll bring them flowers on the way out."

She didn't say anything for a moment. Then, she crawled back on top of me again. Staring deep into my eyes.

"What could you possibly do without guidance from the Council?"

I cupped her face, rubbing her cheek. "Everything." I smiled. "We could go somewhere far. Somewhere in the depths of the Outer Rim. Maybe even past that."

"We?"

I quirked a brow. "We could go to some beautiful nowhere planet. Like Dantooine. Or Deralia. Maybe once I'm there I'll start a farm like my father. Fix up some old droids, build a house, keep my feet planetside. No more space. No more cramped freighters. No more war or death or pain or…" I paused. "And every day we could watch the stars. Trace the path we traveled. Laugh about…all the stupid things we did. For once, peace. Only peace. And I want that more than anything because…" I searched her face for the words I wanted to say. Eventually, I found them. "Because I've never felt this happy before in my life. I was always on the move before, never stopping. Never living. I…" I stopped myself and shook my head with a smile. "Sorry, I'm rambling."

Instead of smiling, though, she gave me that look as if she was in pain. My eyes were starting to grow heavy and I tried to make eye contact, yet it was difficult.

"What?" I smirked at her. "You're looking at me as if I said something sappy there. Um, well, it was, but it's true. You do make me…happy."

Bastila fully laid down on my chest, head over my heart, warming me with her body.

"It's not. Not at all. It's just…you make me feel the same way. Happy." She whispered her next words. "It's terrifying."

"Terrifying?" I laughed nervously. "Why?"

"What you said…it's a beautiful dream. But…I don't think it'll happen."

"What? No, it'll happen," I said, frowning. "We can make it happen."

"I hadn't thought..." She paused. "We've been at war for so long that...I can't even imagine it ever ending."

"What? We only have one more Star Map to find. It'll end when we win. And after we win, we'll only have each other." I wrapped my arm around her and kissed her head, smelling the gardens in her hair. "Whatever happens, it won't matter." She traced a finger across my chest. I hesitated when she didn't respond. "I mean… you could come with me. If you wanted to."

She stopped tracing and her hand fell.

"I don't..."

I winced. "Yeah, you're right, we don't have to go to the middle of nowhere. That's a big ask." I brushed my hand across her bare back. "There's lush populated planets. Like Naboo or Alderaan or Talravin. And everyone could visit or stay whenever they wanted to. Carth could grumble about the usual. Mission could come with us of course and continue her lessons in droid building. We definitely need to pay Big Z a visit. Canderous and Verena will go their own way…no more fighting, after all. Juhani will probably…stay with the Order. Her choice. Jolee…Force I hope that old man doesn't stalk us after this. We could see your mother—"

"Stop."

I flinched. Something wet dripped onto my skin near her head. Tears. She bunched up a shaking fist and her chest rose and fell. As if she was…grieving. And she was grieving. I could sense it.

"S-Stop...I-I don't want to think about it. It doesn't matter. None of it."

Of course. I rubbed my other hand across her arm.

"You're right. One day at a time. Need to actually find the Star Forge and kill Malak first."

She didn't respond. Her body was still shaking, so I hugged her closer—rubbing her back—kissing her head. Yet, it did nothing. Nothing had helped. I wanted to ask what I could do to help ease her depression, her pain, yet…fatigue caught up to me. My head rested on the pillow again, drifting into an uneasy sleep.

I dreamed of Dantooine.

Master Zhar watched me as I practiced my stances. Perfectly. I faced down droid opponents, other Padawans, beneath my hand the Force was easily mastered. Instead of the disappointed frowns he would always give me during my training, he nodded with approval as I passed every test, defeated every challenger. My chest warmed at my successes. All I wanted was to make him and the other Masters proud. To be a Jedi. One of the greatest. And Master Zhar said as much.

Jolee walked into the practice hall with a long stride. His grumpy face wrinkled.

"No, you don't. You don't want to be a Jedi anymore. Remember?"

Master Zhar narrowed his eyes at the old man.

"There is no emotion; there is peace."

"Why would you want to be a Jedi? The Jedi didn't want you. Ambitious, they said. Reckless. Destined to fall to the dark side." Jolee chuckled. "You couldn't even find the way back home. Just tripped over your own feet like a clumsy oaf."

My ears grew hot. Anger flashed.

"No! I'm going to be a Jedi. A Knight! The best one in the Order!"

My voice sounded childlike. Was childlike.

Zhar nodded. "You will be a great Knight someday, Padawan."

It was my dream. My only dream.

"You don't need to be a Jedi," Jolee scoffed. "What has being a Jedi gotten you? Nothing but death. Dead children. Dead soldiers. Dead planets. Dead. Dead. Dead."

Corpses. So many corpses. Burning corpses. They burned around me. Screaming in eternal torture. They were Jedi. Children. All of the children in the Dantooine sanctuary. They were dead because of me. Tears ran down my face. Little hands rubbed my eyes. I tried to stop the tears, but they kept coming.

"But…but if I'm not…not a Jedi…then…"

There was no point.

"Become a Sith then." The old man smirked. "Maybe if you were a Sith, you'd actually get shit done. But no, instead you're here crying over Jedi who thought you would fall anyway."

Then, Jolee walked into the fire.

Darkness.

The hissing of a lightsaber made me flinch. I turned. Bastila Shan. She and a few Jedi stood before me with their lightsabers raised. Outside—a battle raged. The Force pounded in my ears, quickened the blood in my veins, and I felt power. Absolute power. It was the only thing I felt. With it in hand, I could accomplish anything. With it, I could do what a Jedi couldn't.

With it, I could protect the galaxy.

I ignited my lightsaber. Red crackled and danced in the reflections of a window. Bastila's face…fear. She feared me. Good. Without even a second passing, I gripped the Jedi on the left tight with the Force. He shouted in pain as I crushed his bones and threw him into the wall. Neck—broken. Dead.

The next one screamed. Anger. Pain. I'd killed her Master. This one would have been useful, but I didn't have time. With a flick from my lightsaber, her head bounced to the ground.

Bastila shouted useless petty words at me. Her hands shook as the fear consumed her. I twirled my blade around once. Then we clashed, golden sparks rained on us both. Through the Force, I sent a spike of pain into her mind. She yelped, yet she somehow had enough strength and fortitude to stumble away from my blade.

No. Stop. Don't hurt her.

We faced each other again. I sensed her anger. She wanted to kill me. She wanted to destroy me. Good. I waited for her first angry strike.

But it never came.

Boom!

Pain. All over. I couldn't breathe. Bastila stood over me. Shock. Anguish—fear—on her face. She fell onto her knees. Blood dripped out of my mouth. Couldn't breathe. Chest burning. With a shaking gloved hand, I reached over and grabbed her arm—

"Wes!"

I sucked in a breath—my eyes felt glued together and my body felt numb after that nightmare. So numb, I barely felt Bastila shaking my shoulder. When I saw her after I opened my eyes, my breathing slowed and my heart stopped racing.

What…was that?

She laid on top of me and held my face tight. In response, I touched one of her hands.

"You're okay," she said. "You're fine. It was a dream. Only a dream."

A dream. Only…it felt real.

"Was it?"

Her breathing stopped.

"What?"

"Just a dream?" Fear. It clogged our veins. "Or was it a premonition?"

Her mouth gaped.

"A premonition? No, that…"

"If felt real." My voice shook. "In the dream, I attacked you. Why would I do that? I'd never hurt you. Never. Then, I was dying. I was dying and you…you were there. Bastila…what does that mean? What if that happens—?"

She interrupted me with a deep kiss. My eyes dropped shut as I felt her soft lips on mine. All of the questions, all of the fears, went away as she hooked her legs around me and pressed her bare center into my chest. Heat once again grew over the bond. She stopped kissing me and slid down, straddled my waist, brushed me, teased me. Her expression wavered, nervous, before she pushed. It took her a few clumsy tries to get me in, but eventually, I slid into her. My eyes rolled back as I felt her jostle on me, thrusting, heat…passion…

Our passion was interrupted by a distant clanking of the Ebon Hawk's ramp.

We froze.

Bastila jumped off of me and stumbled about the room. I blinked, still dazed from our lovemaking, and didn't even register the tunic slamming into my face.

"You have to get dressed. We have to…sneak out…before they see us."

"Sneak out? What are we—teenagers afraid of our kriffing parents?"

"Just put that on!" I listened, pulling the tunic on, but at a slow pace. Bastila crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. "Hurry up!"

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my underwear and trousers.

"Someone's a little impatient."

"For good reason!"

I pulled on my underwear. "What reason?"

"What will they think if they see us. Together. Undressed. In here?"

"Why, they'd think we had a wonderful conversation."

She buckled her belt.

"Wes."

I shrugged. "Why would it matter?"

"Because I'm the leader of this mission." Bastila's shoulders shook. "If they…I can't…they will think…"

"They won't lose respect for you if they know about us." I narrowed my eyes. "And, if they do, they'd lose my respect."

Her face became grave.

"Maybe I wouldn't care if you weren't...if we weren't also Jedi on a serious mission to save the galaxy."

I stopped tying my boots. I finished after I processed her words then crossed my arms.

"So, you want to keep us a secret?"

"Yes!"

Disappointment…wavered in my mind. She was right in asking to keep our trysts private. Yet, a part of me wanted her to feel comfortable about opening up with the rest of the crew. Comfortable with being vulnerable, with expressing herself. Her love. How could she do that if she kept her feelings bottled up between just the two of us?

Bastila pressed against the wall—looking like a nervous teen trying to sneak out.

"You…you go first."

I rubbed the back of my head then sighed. Digging my hands into my robe pockets, I waltzed out as if I belonged. Though, I still had to come up with an excuse as to what I was doing here.

Carth looked up from staring at the readouts in the main hold. Great. Quite possibly the worst person that could have been there. He raised a brow.

"What's up? Just getting the Hawk prepped for takeoff. Surprised to see you here so early."

I shrugged. "Couldn't sleep."

He narrowed his eyes at me. Uh, oh.

"So, you decided to walk all the way here to the Ebon Hawk?"

"Yes."

Straight answers were always better. It wasn't enough for Carth though.

"That's…odd."

I sighed. "Not really. Just thought sleeping here would help. It did."

He looked behind me.

"In the women's dorm?"

Agh.

"Oh. Heh." I rubbed the back of my head. "Whoops."

"Whoops? How did you mistake the women's dorm for the men's?"

"Must have been tired…"

"You just said you couldn't sleep."

I knew he'd catch my lie. Damn it. Why didn't Bastila come out first? Carth wouldn't have been suspicious of her. Actually, no, he would. The pilot stopped looking at the readouts and crossed his arms. His infamous suspicious expression appeared on his face.

My face grew warm. "Why are you interrogating me like this? So early in the morning too. I was just getting a Force-damn caffa!"

"Your shirt."

"Huh?"

"It's on backward."

I narrowed my eyes. "As I said, I didn't get much sleep."

"Hmm…" He rubbed his chin, watching me with narrowed eyes. "I think I need to check something."

"Check what?"

"The women's dorm."

I flinched and stepped in front of him as he walked towards the door.

"Oh, uh, no. I wouldn't do that."

"Why not?"

"Uh…" Kriff, think Wes! "T3!"

"T3?"

"T3. Was doing some repairs. He's on the fritz. You might mess up something."

Carth gave me an odd look. "Okay…" Thank the Force. He returned to the read-outs. "You know, you have an unhealthy obsession with those droids."

"Obsession?" I scoffed. "You mean I have a hobby?"

"No. An obsession." He gave me an angry look. "Which is why it's strange that T3 is in the cockpit."

Oh, kriffing—

Bastila, hide!

Carth marched past me before I could react.

"Look, it isn't…okay, yeah, I lied about that…but it's—"

"I don't know what you did, Wes, but if you did something perverted while you were drunk or something I'm throwing you off the ship."

"What!" My voice cracked. "No! Hell no! That isn't…I didn't—"

The door to the dorm hissed open. No one was there. Phew.

"See? Nothing!"

He walked in and scanned the room. I shivered. I'd never feared Carth before, but there was no doubt he'd find something…

A lightsaber staff. Bastila's. It glinted in the light. Before I tried to call it to my hand slyly, Carth found and picked it up.

"Isn't this…Bastila's?"

Heat gathered on my face. I chuckled to myself as I snatched it from his hand.

"Oh, wow…that's funny. Wonder why that's on the floor?" I twirled it in the air and caught it. "Heh, isn't Bastila so forgetful? Leaving behind her lightsaber. Again. You'd think she learned after the Vulkars!" There was a mental slap. Not from myself. From Bastila. "I'll make sure to return this to her…soon."

His eyes narrowed as I stared at him with hot intensity.

"Why are you…?" Then, his face fell in realization. Horrified. "Oh…uh." He coughed in his fist then scratched the back of his neck. "Right. Yeah. S-Sorry."

He rushed out of the dorm so fast it was like he had the Force. Once the door hissed closed, the fresher door hissed open. Bastila wanted to kill me. I didn't even have to look to tell. Anger and embarrassment emanated from her body.

I walked up to her with a raised brow, then passed over her staff. She snatched it from me. Her face was lightsaber red.

"I told you—!"

"Hey! It's not my fault! I wasn't the one who left my lightsaber on the kriffing floor!"

"But you left your lightsaber behind too!" She pointed at it in the corner. "It's right there!"

I huffed and called my lightsaber into my hand. "This wouldn't have been suspicious!" I crossed my arms. "It's fine. Carth would have figured it out anyway. At least now you can stop worrying about keeping us a 'secret,' right?"

Bastila shook her head with a growl then stepped into the fresher again. The door hissed closed in my face.

I'll be frank - I've never written smut/sex before this (or at least I was too nervous to publish it lol). Hopefully, my experience of just reading it helped this turn out alright XD! What matters to me the most anyway is that everyone is still in character. If they are, then I've done my job :p

Also, I probably won't post until next year. Both because I will be busy and I want to plot and write out the Leviathan in advance. So, happy holidays and happy 2022 :)!