A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...
Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Episode III: Crucible of the Force
Two weeks have passed after the Ebon Hawk's escape from the Leviathan where DARTH MALAK captured the Battle Meditator, BASTILA SHAN. Mysteriously, the Sith have yet to make their final strike.
Still conflicted with the knowledge of his true identity, REVAN is trapped on the moon Yavin IV. Unclear visions of the past, present, and future haunt his dreams along with an awakening darkness.
Finally, Revan is able to make out something—a ruined temple in the jungle. He is faced with the decision to investigate the source of his nightmares...
At first, the dreams were the same.
Falling—the ground was always approaching yet I never felt the impact. Cold—icy hands grabbed onto my body yet it never seeped into me. It was a heavy, uncomfortable sensation. And, finally, breathlessness. I screamed yet no sound left my mouth since the air had left my lungs. After feeling all of these sensations, I'd wake up without knowing where I was—who I was. Reality always came back though.
I was on the Ebon Hawk. The ground connected with me as I fell off the bunk. The cold ship air seeped through my body. My throat was hoarse after I let out a scream.
I was…
"…"
I should have felt something. Should have been afraid that these dreams were memories rising to the surface. Yet I didn't feel anything, as I should. It was perfect. Absolutely perfect. But this time the dream was different. It wasn't a memory.
It was a vision.
A scarred wasteland—craters had been carved into the landscape after a violent barrage. In the distance, a tiered temple sat on the hillside. The pain of a dead species radiated off the walls, poisoned the ground, killing all life within the vicinity.
"There isn't anything left."
A ghost, a shadow wearing Revan's mask, walked by my side. His voice vibrated from beyond the shadow. I should have been afraid, yet it felt more like I was walking side-by-side with an old friend.
"Why am I here then?" I asked.
Revan's mask tilted.
"You already know the answer." The mask stopped. I stopped. "You are seeking power. You sought out the power of the Star Forge to aid in the war against the Mandalorians. You're faced with a similar conundrum. You need power—power to face a threat greater than the Mandalorians ever were."
I grimaced. "Last time I tried that, the galaxy suffered for it."
"There is suffering—yes." He paused. "There will always be suffering. There are degrees of suffering, however, and I'd rather take the path of least resistance."
I paused—a part of me agreed with his words. Better if the few suffered for the many.
"If there is nothing here then…why am I here?"
Revan's mask moved forward. I followed.
"Knowledge is its own power. There may be nothing left, yet the past is persistent. You're here to gain knowledge."
Who am I?
"What is there to know?"
"It began years before my attempted conquest," he said. "Years before Exar Kun. Before Naga Sadow. Before the Sith—even. Why does one covet power? Why do they fall to the dark side? I asked this before as I studied beneath my masters. There are many answers. For some it is a crass desire. Selfish wishes from minds too weak to resist their animalistic passions. For some—grief. The deaths of loved ones—attachments—can drive anyone to do terrible, terrible things. Sometimes the pain can only be soothed by the pain inflicted upon others. Vengeance, selfishness, weakness—all of it can cause one to fall."
"Why did you fall then?"
Why did I fall?
We stopped before the steps of the temple. The mask faced me. His voice was dark.
"That's why you're here—isn't it? You're here to find out why you fell to the dark side."
I waited for Revan's mask to continue. To answer my unspoken question. Yet—
He laughed.
"What a foolish question."
I flinched.
"Foolish?"
"If you truly want an answer..." The shadows floated up the steps. "Find the Temple."
I stared after the mask and the shadow as it disappeared into the stone walls. I couldn't follow him after that. But I had to know. There had to be a reason why I fell to the dark side.
There had to be a point to it.
Ice cold water from the shower interrupted the memory of the dream.
It didn't make any sense. Revan spoke to me from the void of my mind. It shouldn't have been possible yet, at the same time, it felt all too real.
I shut off the water.
Ignore it. No matter if it was real or just a figment of my imagination…Revan needed to stay dead. Even if I never got answers. Even if I remained in this limbo of lost identity forever. Even if—
But you need to know why don't you?
As I dried off, the cloth covering the mirror fell to the floor. I'd put it there days ago—I felt sick just looking as I passed it to the shower. I paused as I accidentally caught my reflection in the mirror. The burn mark from Saul's torture remained as a faint bumpy scar on my cheek that was hidden by a beard. I hadn't shaved, heavy bags shadowed my eyes. I hadn't eaten much so my face had become gaunt. Stretched. Sick. That wasn't what grabbed my attention though.
The Padawan braid. The forgotten braid was tangled around my ear.
Bitter rage filled my body—it broke the emotionless serenity I'd built over the past few days. My arms shook as I leaned on the sink and stared at the braid. Oh, I was so proud. Ashamed that I'd demanded to take my trials. So grateful that the Masters forgave me for lashing out. Then relieved when I passed their stupid trials. But they only ever saw Revan. I was never Wes to them. They were afraid that Revan would return. No doubt the Jedi intended to string Wesley Gale along until he'd found the Star Forge then toss him aside like compactor trash—
Stop.
Broken—only momentarily. My breath had ramped up and I felt my body tensing. I slowly released the tension. There is no emotion, there is peace. Spoken with Bastila's voice… I stopped looking at my face, refused to look, and instead my gaze traveled down my torso.
Scars. Many scars. My blood ran cold as I stared at them. When had they…? That wasn't supposed to be there. I'd never—
No. Wes didn't have any scars. Revan did. I combed a hand through my hair. But why hadn't I noticed? How many scars did I have? One long one trailed from shoulder to hip—as if a sharp vibroblade had tried to slash me in two. Small knicks were here and there. A large white gash on my stomach. My hands shook as I pulled out the metal shard. The only part of me that wasn't scarred until recently had been…my face. Because I wore a mask. The Jedi had manipulated my mind so much so that I'd even forgotten what my own body was supposed to look like. I'd ignored everything that hadn't matched Wesley Gale's life as a smuggler. Wes never went to war. Wes didn't get into deadly fights. Didn't get cut, stabbed, tortured.
Revan did.
I took a step back and sweat beaded down my forehead as I looked down. Bastila's gaze lingered on my chest. Eyelashes fluttered with embarrassment. I thought that embarrassment had been because of a simple thing. Simple attraction. Yet she had been horrified. My fingers shook as I touched the largest one on my side. A horn had pierced my armor. Pierced my lung. Blood ran down my lips.
This is the end.
A crack. The mirror split with a buzzing, powerful sensation. Shards clinked as they fell at my feet.
In a flash, I grabbed and yanked the braid off—only a sharp pain remained. Didn't care. The dark braid curled in my hand before I threw it in the fresher and flushed it away. Something broiled within my stomach and I bent over—spitting up acid. A million reflections looked up at me from the mirror shards. The sickness passed.
Now?
Now, I couldn't falter.
HK-47 stood at attention with his rifle after I dressed and left the fresher. I strode through the ship towards the communications room. Without the rest of the crew around, the ship was…quiet. During our journey, I'd grown so used to the daily happenings—Mission yapping the closest person's ear off, Juhani practicing, meditating, Canderous sitting close by regaling about the wars, Carth listening not so eagerly, Verena beating up on sand dummies naked, and Bastila…
I stopped beside the holoprojector—she sat there staring up into the ethers of the ship. I knew she wasn't really there…yet…
Her face scrunched when she finally noticed me.
"What are you looking at?" she asked. I blinked and didn't answer. She huffed a strand of hair away. "Right. Of course. You would just stand around here gawking at me while the galaxy suffers. And I thought you were a hero."
I shook my head at fake Bastila.
"Well, I was never a hero."
She frowned up at me after I said that as if I said a curse or insult. I blinked and she was gone. With her gone, I felt that aching of loneliness once again.
"Query: Err…Master? Who were you speaking to just now?"
HK-47 marched to my side. My neck burned once I realized I had been talking to thin air. I gave the droid a spare look then marched away toward my intended destination.
T3 beeped with enthusiasm as I arrived at the cockpit yet I didn't match that enthusiasm. The computer readouts were the same as yesterday—nothing. No comm channels either. The fixes I tried making yesterday using the meager parts I scavenged didn't work. I let out a long sigh…then slammed the console with a violent force—enough for it to tremor.
The poor droid beeped with concern.
"T3…no, it's not your fault. Do another scan. The parts aren't working." I stood. "There has to be something on this rock."
T3 responded with some low twips. In the meantime…
I left the Ebon Hawk and HK followed me as my ever-present shadow. The forest, the trees, wavered in the morning winds. There was a sort of peace to it all despite the slight tinge of smoke in the air. Remnants from a war long ago still. I grabbed a sharp metal rod I set down on a nearby rock and hooked it to my belt on my back along with the bag I'd thrown haphazardly to the ground. Without checking to make sure HK was following, I began my journey into the forest.
This was my routine. I explored the forests during the first week with HK, a sharpened metal rod, and the Force as my weapons. During those first few days, I wandered aimlessly in an attempt to discover why I came down here. It didn't take me long to realize it was a pointless endeavor. I'd crashed the Ebon Hawk in a fit of mania. That was the only explanation. This voice? A figment of my imagination. So, instead, I searched the ruins of old ships I came across for spare parts to fix the Ebon Hawk. I stopped at one I'd visited before—a fifty or so year old Republic battle cruiser. It had come apart when it crashed so only the front hull remained. I used the Force to climb through the hull, with each jump, each landing, the rusting metal quaked.
It was pointless. Even HK commented on it. At this point, I'd already made note of this one. Everything had been suspiciously picked clean. All of the important parts had been scavenged.
But I had to do something.
I left empty-handed and continued to my next destination. T3 navigated me through the dense trees towards another ruin thirty clicks east. When midday approached, I stopped and leaned against a tree to look down at my datapad. I let out a long sigh once I saw the remaining distance I needed to travel. The sky beyond the treetops was cloudless. Nothing appeared in that sky ever since I crashed. Why weren't the others coming after me? Something must have happened—Carth wouldn't have let me crash onto this moon without giving chase. Yet, every day, there was nothing. Perhaps they were having trouble due to the forest—could be blocking signals. But no, they would have at least tried looking for me. I would have seen something.
They were in danger. They had to be. If they were in danger, then I could do nothing about it here. If I had been stronger. Strong enough not to…to go insane like this, strong enough to just continue the mission, then maybe they wouldn't be in danger right now.
HK shuffled after me as I clambered through the thick forest of Yavin IV. It wasn't a thick jungle like Kashyyyk yet there was a simular pervading darkness, like a stench, that almost felt worse than what I felt on the Wookiee world.
A growl rumbled in the trees as I crossed the small river. I stopped walking and grabbed the cold metal of the spear. The wildlife, while deadly, was easily taken care of both through the use of the Force, the makeshift spear, and HK's blaster bolts. These beasts always managed to find us almost as if attracted to our scent. Or something else. Something…darker.
HK stopped with me and raised his blaster rifle. The small river we stopped beside quaked as if the ground shook. I closed my eyes as I felt the sensation close by. A rumble, cold, like icicles pricking the skin, closer…
There.
I didn't open my eyes when I raised my hand to lift two of the beasts before they pounced. HK shot them dead and I threw them hard into the forest. Yet, there were more than I expected.
"Master!"
A few tackled HK to the ground. I turned my attention away from the surrounding danger in order to rescue the droid. With laser focus, the boar and lizard-like beasts shot up and slammed into the river. I grabbed one and pulled it towards me—stabbing it with the sharp point of the spear. Dark blood burned my wrist as my weapon sank into the beast. I tried to pull it out as it fell to the ground, dead, yet it was stuck in the meat of the animal. I had no choice but to let my weapon go.
HK recovered. He shot at the encircling beasts. An entire pack of these animals surrounded us. The blood that once ran warm cooled beneath the shadows of the forest. Eventually, after the blur of violence, the alpha appeared. Huge. Hulking. The dark scales of the beast reflected the sun as it paced towards us. Its snake tongue hung out of its mouth past sharp teeth.
"Am I supposed to be the snake?"
Jolee's wrinkled face slackened. He turned his head, warm eyes glistening.
"Well, now, that's what I wanted to see for myself."
HK continued shooting the rest of the pack while I focused on the alpha.
A hum. A deep, powerful hum. The beast's yellow eyes shivered and its front paws ceased in their pace as I rose my hand. Within the chest of the beast were large lungs. Pumping breath, life, into the beast. Yet the pipes leading to those organs…small. Delicate. The creature's lungs stopped moving and the tongue went lank as I squeezed. A whimper. The Force crushed those pipes and I felt…pain. The creature's pain. It couldn't breathe. It felt cold. It felt…
Good.
"Master?"
With a flick, I snapped its neck. Its large body collapsed in a heap. Its pain was gone, yes…but for a split second, I enjoyed it. Once again, that sensation of dread interrupted the peace that I desperately pretended to have. When there is no emotion, there is peace. Always. Yet, just like peace, it never lasted.
The screams of torture rang within the endless halls. As they screamed, they lost the very thing that weakened them. Fear. Revan watched on as Darth Malak shot lightning into the body of a Jedi. It was necessary. They needed to be stronger. Or else... Malak's face morphed, his jaw replaced with an iron cage. It was a symbol like Revan's mask, in a way. His apprentice squinted at him with disgust. "I used to look up to you, Master. Joined a war for you. Sacrificed so much for you." Malak towered over Revan, towered over him like a crashed warship. "Now all I see is a pathetic, weak creature." Gray eyes. The Jedi that had been tortured no longer had an unknown face. Now...it was Bastila. "Have nothing to say, Master?" She was in pain. I could feel it. Just like the beast. "Of course not. You had nothing to say back then. You have nothing to say now." Malak lifted his hand. "You don't really care for her, do you?"
Lightning crackled from his fingertips. The pain—
Was gone.
One moment, I was in the forest. The next I had fallen onto my knees in the main hold of the Ebon Hawk. Cold. So cold. I held myself as that numbness persisted. Bastila...had broken the connection between us before...
T3 rolled up to me then beeped with concern. I ignored the droid and rushed to the dorm. Once there, I fell to my knees and shut out everything. All thoughts. All feelings. All memories.
Everything.
For days I stayed inside that room. There was nothing out there. No parts. No rescue. Nothing. Nothing but the dark side. I'd been a fool to try to find a way to escape. The more I fought, the more I tumbled headfirst into the abyss.
HK gave me the silent treatment after I stopped going out on our excursions. He resembled more of a statue than a shadow. I opened my eyes. The day had passed and the cold air wrapped around me. I felt no chill nor the biting pain of hunger or thirst. I sat there—staring into the darkness. Sat there until the voice entered my mind again. You don't really know who you are, do you? The Jedi told me that Revan fell due to his arrogance. How did they know though? Revan wouldn't have told them. You'll find the answers if you find the Temple.
No. It wasn't real. Couldn't be real. I covered my ears when I started hearing that voice. Revan was dead, after all. Any answers I found would be the dark side. I wouldn't fall to the dark side. I'd stopped listening to the voice…so much so, I almost didn't catch the harsh beeping behind the door of the dorm. I hesitated before I decided to let the poor droid in. T3 rolled back and forth at the top—exclaiming about getting a signal. A spike of fear broke my thoughts that I quickly suppressed. It's time. Finally, they found me. And now, my resolve was going to be tested.
I finally left the dorm room and followed T3 to the comm room. The receiver was flashing and my hand hovered over the button to accept the call. Desperately, I suppressed the desire to run away to the dorms again, hide, and never speak to anyone. Yet, that—again—was letting my emotions control me. I had to do this. It was the only way to escape this hellhole.
So, I pressed the button.
"Hello?"
Hissing. Nothing but a long, silent, hiss. False alarm. I let out a long, tired sigh before collapsing into the closest chair. T3 rolled up to my left and let out a defeated beep himself. Was I relieved? In a way…yet also, strangely, another fear cropped up within my mind.
I had to get out of here. Somehow, someway. The longer I stayed down here, the closer I grew to the dark side. Whatever was calling out to me wanted to ensnare me with calls of power. And every day I spent here, I wanted to go find it. So, that day, I sat in the garage with a hydrospanner, fiddling with T3. If he was upgraded with a long-range transponder…then maybe…
My stomach yawned. T3 let out a concerned beep—always a concerned beep. This time it was about whether I, as an organic, had something to eat yet.
I pursed my lips.
"No, T3. I'd rather try to find a way out of here first."
He said something about working on an empty stomach.
Yeah, he had a point…
I screwed him back up, and finally, after days without food, I made something with the synthesizer. It was a mush—Bastila would have wrinkled her nose at it. Not like she could do better.
No. Stop thinking.
I sat in the main hold as I ate my mush. Meanwhile, the dorm room...the door to the women's dorm...I hadn't dared to go in there. Not since…
The Jedi had synthesized some boring crap—rice and some kind of egg in a bowl. She sat, alone, in the canteen. Methodically, like a droid, she dipped a spoon into that mush and stared off into the ethers of the ship.
Then later...
"What is the real reason you refuse to see your mother? It's not because attachments are bad or anything like that. It's because you're afraid." Bastila remained silent, still simmering from my words. "Someone told me once that I needed to face my fears. So, then, why are you running from yours?"
My spoon stopped, frozen with the mush as the memory of my own words interrupted the painful recollections of Bastila. That's why I was here, wasn't it? I was running away. I refused to...even think about her because of the fear I refused to face. And why? Why was I so afraid?
Finally, after what felt like hours, I lowered my spoon and I made a decision.
Swish. The door to the women's dorm hissed closed behind me. The room had become cold with the lack of life over the past few weeks. Stumbling in, I closed my eyes as I felt another aching silence. I refused to come in here even while I had been searching for supplies.
With a sigh, I opened my eyes and approached Bastila's cot and eyed the compartment above. With a flick, I opened said compartment and inside was a small knapsack. Within were the usual Jedi belongings. Robes, first aid kits, nutrition bars, a holocron…
With shaking hands, I picked it up and sat on the bunk with a thump. It was unremarkable, really. Plain. The square shape was made of pure bronze. Normal holocrons, the ones used by the general populace, had a switch on the side to turn it on. Yet, a Jedi holocron needed the Force in order to play the contents. This one...could be opened in this way too.
Open it.
I didn't want to yet at the same time I needed to. Whatever Bastila wanted to say, I needed to hear it. Any explanation as to why this happened. Why she saved me. How…she could have ever loved me. It was time to stop running. I placed the holocron on the ground then raised my hand. The cube unraveled with the small burst of power I sent into it.
Bastila's blue figure flickered above the metal of the holocron. My heart leaped as I saw her face…and the guilt that I felt before, when I harmed her, surfaced. I almost closed the holocron right then and there, yet her lilting voice changed my mind.
"Everyone. I…never hoped that it would come to this. T3 was instructed to lead you to this holocron in the event of my death. This means if you are playing this holocron then I am likely deceased. Before you come to any conclusions, please listen until the end. This is my final wish.
"I may as well come out and say it. The man you know as Wesley Gale is Darth Revan. That day on the Dark Lord's flagship…I saved Revan's life by creating a Force bond. Afterwards, his survival was kept in utmost secrecy by the Jedi Council."
Bastila's face wrinkled as if she was in pain. I felt a ghost of it…it was what I felt so often while on Manaan. Her sadness. Her pain. She hurt keeping this from me. Eventually, her face regained its stoicism.
"Wes, I'm sorry. You are not who you believe yourself to be. You were not born on Deralia. You were not raised by a mother and father. You were not captured as a slave then rescued. You were not a smuggler. You were raised as a Jedi from birth, a war hero, and…the Dark Lord of the Sith. When I brought you to the Council, they discovered that your mind had been destroyed. Yet they had to make a decision on what to do with you.
"They couldn't kill you. Although you were gravely injured, on death's door, the Council thought it wouldn't be right. Imprisonment was the safest option. They stripped you of the Force and placed you in a cell. I continued on with the war for months. The Council believed your mind had been completely destroyed and so they wanted distance to erode the bond. Except…
"Except your memories were coming back. You weren't aware, I don't think, but I saw a glimpse. When I brought this knowledge to the Council, they panicked at first. They considered wiping your mind, but some on the Council saw your returning memories as an opportunity. An opportunity to discover how the Sith rose to power so quickly. So, we waited for another vision.
"But you were, in essence, a husk. So, in a desperate attempt to gather any information at all, they gave you a new identity. One of an imprisoned smuggler. Then you were given a choice. To stay within your cell…or to join our mission on the Endar Spire.
"It was…this was never supposed to last. They didn't want me to look at you, never mind speak to you. Yet, I made a mistake. Grew impatient. I had the Endar Spire jump to Taris—the site of one of your first battles—despite knowing the Sith had taken the system. You started to remember again, but it came with a terrible price. Taris' destruction.
"I blame myself…always blame myself for what happened. And yet I do not regret it happening. Because if it didn't happen, I never would have gotten to know Wesley Gale. Never would have gotten to understand you, Revan. The Council was wrong about you. You didn't join the Mandalorian Wars out of pride or ambition. No, you did it to protect the Republic. The people of the Outer Rim. Like the Wookiees and the Progenitor, you felt their pain as if it were your own. And that…something like that, I've learned, is hard to ignore even with all of my Jedi training.
"The man I've come to know during this journey…he is arrogant, vain, selfish, and egotistic, yes, but that is all a part of your mask, isn't it? Not the one you wore as a Sith. The one in your heart. At first, I believed the mask to be real. If you were really this terrible, evil person at the core, it would make my hatred of you justified. Make this mission easier knowing that you deserved the deception. Deserved all of it. But I realized a terrible truth. At your core, you aren't an evil man, Revan. Far from it. You…you care deeply about others. That mask is there to protect yourself from the pain you feel.
"Which is why this isn't easy. Not in the slightest. If I am gone, then you only have yourself and the crew to support you. You have to believe in the goodness within you, Revan. The goodness I have seen behind that mask. You asked me, once, why people fall to the dark side. In all honesty, I do not know why you fell, Revan, but it no longer matters. Because you can and will be redeemed. I know it.
"I need to go—we're going out to 'relax.'" She smiled briefly. It disappeared like the wind. "To be honest, I can't relax. Not while I continue lying to you like this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I lied to you. I'm sorry that…I can't be there to protect you anymore." She bent down as if she was about to turn off the recording. I thought she would have ended it there yet she continued, whispering to me. "Wherever you are now, whatever you are doing in this great galaxy...I will love you. Always."
The light from the holocron flickered off and I was met with cold, dark silence.
"Observation: Master, we have been traveling for hours in one direction. This means we no doubt have a destination. Query: Where are we going? Are we finally going to attack the Jedi, Master?"
I batted away a branch with a burst of the Force. We'd been traveling into the thickest part of the forest, further than I'd ever gone. The bag of supplies I carried weighed me down so travel was even slower than usual. I carried a comm on me just in case.
I sighed. And I thought the droid would have continued with the silent treatment.
"I told you, HK, you don't have to call me Master."
"Commentary: Of course I do, Master. You are Revan...you are my master, the one who created me. I exist to serve."
I growled, feeling the slight urge to turn around and use the Force on the droid. Instead…
"Why the hell did I create you?"
"Answer: I don't know. You created me shortly after you and your apprentice began your war to conquer the galaxy. Presumably to assassinate your enemies and aid in your conquests."
"Oh. Right. Of course. Of course I did." I slashed another branch and HK bashed some of the leaves away. "Lucky you then. If you hadn't been captured…well, you probably would have been destroyed when Revan…when I was captured."
"You were captured too, Master?"
"Malak attacked me and then Bastila…saved my life. I was captured by the Jedi."
"Exclamation: I find this most distressing."
I raised a brow. "Distressing?"
Wait, did this droid actually care about Revan? I created HK with the desire to be distressed over my well-being? That seemed pointless.
"Statement: Of course, Master. You are the one who created me, meatbag or no. And while you may not be all you once were, I am grateful for my existence. I could certainly have protected you from the Jedi and your pupil's betrayal had I returned."
I stopped by a copse of trees and took a drink from the canteen. Yes, the Force helped with the heavy lifting, but weeks without much food meant I could barely go a day without feeling the weight of fatigue. Yet, in a way, this pain also made my connection to the Force stronger. I pushed forward, using the Force to break apart a larger branch in my way.
The ground thudded.
"I doubt that you could, HK."
"Objection: But I would have tried, Master! They would have never expected me. I would have killed the Jedi, Bastila, I am sure of it. She would have screamed, Master. I'd try the blaster first, of course, but usually, flames work best when taking a Jedi by surprise. Oh, seeing that meatbag burn to a crisp in torturous pain would have been—"
I felt that wave of power again. HK was forced to a stop and his lights flickered as I squeezed on the fragile internal circuitry. My voice lowered though I knew the droid could hear me.
"Never talk about Bastila like that. Ever."
HK's voice modulator softened. For once…he sounded afraid. I didn't even think that was possible.
"Retraction: I-I apologize, Master. It is a…a force of habit."
Force of habit. HK talked about torture. Death. Pain. He'd been programmed with that innate desire by Revan. By myself. I slowly released the droid—a single metal bolt fell to the dirt. If it was a force of habit for HK, then was it a force of habit for Revan?
We continued our journey. The sensation that I felt in the dream became stronger. With it came a dangerous question. A question I didn't dare ask over the past weeks of my time on Yavin.
"Am I like the Revan you knew?"
HK's mechanical clomping masked his words.
"Observation: In many ways you are, Master, yes. You have much of the beloved cruelty of the Master I knew. When you take down your foes without remorse, it is beautiful." I sighed. Yeah, I was afraid of that. Yet, before I moved on, HK continued. "But in other ways…in other ways, you have a concern for life that is unsettling. So, I am unsure. I do not know how to explain this. Regardless, you do seem to be improved, overall, from the human I once knew."
"Improved?" I laughed. "You're joking."
If anything, I felt worse than when I first set out on this journey for the Star Forge months ago. Improved? No, Revan knew how to keep his emotions in check even if he'd fallen to the dark side. Revan had a purpose. He knew what he wanted to accomplish, well, at least before it was taken away.
Now? I didn't even know who I was anymore.
HK's lights dimmed.
"Statement: It is just an observation, Master."
A cool breeze brushed my face. The edge of the forest was before us, and beyond the treeline were kilometers upon kilometers of ravaged fields. HK's metal joints creaked as I stepped out into the open. The winds billowed my cloak and tunic and the sun had started to set in the horizon. The red giant, Yavin Prime, eclipsed the temple in the distance. Gray pillars that once held up roofs dotted the landscape near the stairs.
Revan.
There. A shadow. I rushed across the field, ignoring HK's protests to slow down, and eyed the shadowy form moving up the steps. I was out of breath when I finally reached the bottom of the pyramid-shaped temple.
Before I made my climb, the comm at my belt hissed. T3 let out a stream of beeps—I ignored T3 and shut off the comm. He would have to wait.
HK clanked to my side.
"Master?"
I dropped my bag at the bottom of the steps—weary of the shadow I'd seen climbing them. I forgot my metal spear, it had been abandoned after the incident, yet the Force could be a weapon if not a more deadly one.
"HK, stay here and watch my back."
"Objection: Master, I will not leave you defenseless. There could be traps—"
"Whatever is in there, a droid will only get in the way." I looked up. "I need to face this. Alone."
Fortunately, the assassination droid listened to me this time. A miracle.
Vines, leaves, and debris covered the gray steps that led up to the top of the temple. My body tightened like the beasts that had prepared to pounce and tear me apart limb from limb. That's when I felt it. A cold. Only, I didn't sense pain from it. No, it was a cold that came with the dark side.
The tall entrance to the temple led into a large alcove. Just like the many dreams, a plinth with an altar sat in the back. Only…only unlike the dream, mummified corpses of an unknown species were strewn about as if a large force had thrown them into the air.
And the shadow.
It was formless—a dark nothing. The entire alcove glowed red with both the rays from the sun and from Yavin Prime. I pushed away my fear. Pushed away my desire to run. I was tired of running. The shadow was now mere feet away. Whatever it was, it didn't react to my presence and acted more like a stabilized smoke bomb. Nothing. Silence. Until—
"There you are."
The voice echoed in my mind. I tried to take a breath, yet it was as if the oxygen had been sucked out of the temple. It was enough to speak again.
"Here I am."
"Yes." It swirled closer. I took a step back. "What is your question?" But I didn't ask the question. The shadow waited until it obviously grew impatient and spread about, forming a cloud that covered my view of the sky. "You have lost so much. You lost your will to live, your friends, your lover, your identity." I flinched. Yet still, I said nothing. "How do I know this? Because I am you." The shadow moved again and…in the darkness a red mask floated up to me. "I am Revan." My dry lips pursed as I scrutinized the mask. When I still didn't say anything, the voice continued. "I knew you would come. You're curious. So curious. You want the answer, don't you? Why did you fall to the dark side?"
Still, nothing.
The mask wavered. "First, a question… Why do the Jedi call it a fall?" I narrowed my eyes. The shadow sighed when I still said nothing. "Quiet, huh? No matter. I will tell you why anyway. My masters were always such fools. They called me arrogant and blind to power. As if using the Force to its fullest potential was a moral failing. Would you say that to someone using a blaster with precision? A bomb? No. The Jedi call it a fall because if they call it a rise, they would lose that sliver of power they allow themselves. A starving man sees a bread crumb as a feast in the hands of a hoarding noble. That is how the Jedi view the Sith utilizing the power of the Force."
As the shadow spoke, I felt my chest grow heavy. So heavy, I finally spoke.
"The Sith destroy worlds."
"And the Jedi don't? Have you heard of the Sith Naga Sadow and his Empire? Millennia ago, they populated the galaxy. Only…they practiced the dark side. Because of that, the Jedi couldn't allow them to live. They'd been tainted." The shadow was closer. "And in your war. The Mandalorian Wars. The Jedi were prepared to let the Outer Rim worlds burn. Let the Republic burn out of fear. And when you rose up and fought against that fear, they called it a fall. Cowards. Hypocrites. The dark side made you stronger. Made us stronger. We rose. Don't you see? I've felt your pain as you've stayed here. It wouldn't exist if the Jedi left well enough alone. You and Bastila could be happy together if you only stopped fearing the one thing the Jedi taught you to fear."
I felt my fist bunch at the sound of Bastila's name.
"I'm not afraid of the dark side. Not anymore."
"Lies. I felt your fear when you tortured that beast. You feared the power beneath your fingertips. Revan never feared that power."
I took a step back. Away from the shadow.
"Bastila and I…could be happy?"
"Yes. Happy. Happy together. In peace. If only you embrace the dark side."
"How?"
"By becoming Revan again." The shadow waved at the plinth. "Spill your blood upon the altar and you will remember. You will have the power the Jedi stole from you again. Enough power to save her."
I looked up behind the shadow to the plinth. On it was a stone altar inscribed with unknown syllables. Yet, the closer I looked…I understood those symbols. I walked up then brushed my hand upon the dirty stone. Eventually, I turned to face the shadow again.
"I think there's a misunderstanding."
The shadow didn't respond for a moment.
"Misunderstanding?"
"You see, that wasn't my question. Not really. I don't care to know why I fell to the dark side. It doesn't matter. And if I never learn that answer...then so be it. But that means you can't possibly be who you say you are. So my question is...who are you? You're not a Sith." I paced towards the shadow. "Because a Sith would know that peace is a lie. Naga Sadow knew that. Revan knew that." I tilted my head. "Pity that you forgot that, Exar Kun."
The mask disappeared and the shadow shook as if enraged. Then the darkness rushed towards me—
One, two, three—repose.
My body moved with the rhythm of battle. Two Cathar fought me with blue and green blades. It was a spare—a duel. One of the many we had during our training. My double-bladed lightsaber swirled with a blue flash. It wasn't enough though. Both Cathar easily defeated me. Easily made a fool of me. My Master shook his head then walked away into his hut.
I needed to know more. I needed to be better. Better than my own Master. Then he would see. That night, I learned the truth about the Sith. That night, I found my Master's holocron and learned the truth about the Force. That had been my first taste of the dark side.
And it was glorious.
Plop!
The rock fell into the lake. I hissed with frustration then raised both of my hands, focusing hard on the pile of rocks I'd gathered and thrown on the shore. The sun was setting and I didn't have long before my master came looking for me. One more time. Just one more time. Before I could send them flying across the water, there was a rustle from the bushes behind me.
All of the rocks that had been lifted by the Force fell with a thump. Another boy, larger and with narrow eyes, smiled down at me.
"Ah! Um…sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt. Saw you wander off after the sparring lesson and I was…" The large boy blinked. "So…what are you doing?"
The rocks started to hover and some skipped across the water.
"Practicing."
"Oh." There was another awkward silence. The rocks fell with a plop. "Practicing what?"
"Control."
"Right." More silence. "Do you…always practice?"
"Yup."
"By yourself?"
"Sure."
Silence.
"Why?"
I huffed.
"I need to focus. People like you are distracting."
The boy with narrow eyes squinted. "People like me? What does that mean?"
"It means, 'Go away.'"
Blood. Death. It was curious. The more I fed upon the Force, the more powerful I became. Death was an inevitability yet with the Force? With the dark side?
In the end, it didn't matter. Not after the betrayal.
The humid air within the temple stifled my connection to the Force. I closed my eyes as I felt the life surrounding me. Hundreds. Thousands. Their lives were nothing before the Force. They were nothing before me. Before Exar Kun.
I lifted my hand. One by one I felt each life being snuffed out with a bolt of lightning. One by one I felt myself strengthening. This power, this ecstasy. Nothing could stop me. No one could stop me. I was the one with control.
No.
But then.
It didn't matter.
All of this power didn't matter.
Not after the betrayal.
The betrayal.
Alek killed me.
He killed me.
All sensation came back in an instant. My eyes shot open and I pushed myself onto my feet before the dark shadow consumed my soul.
A deep, rumbling laugh echoed in the red temple.
"Ah, you resist. Unfortunate. You aren't stupid either. So much like myself when I was corporeal." The voice of the shadow faded. "No matter. I will wait for a more foolish mortal. In the meantime, I will grow stronger. It shouldn't take too long…"
I shouted while I threw the altar with the Force, smashing it against the wall. With the destruction of the altar, Exar Kun's ghost faded. I took a deep breath as air finally filled the space then stumbled back as I once again felt that power from the visions. Fueled by my anger at almost being possessed by a Sith ghost.
Though, I knew what I was facing when I came here. The voice speaking to me hadn't been Revan at all. Now, though, the voice was gone. With the silence came intruding thoughts. Maybe Exar Kun was right. Maybe the Jedi were—
"Master!"
I ducked behind a pillar after I sensed the blaster bolt. Hissing echoed within the temple along with the pounding of red bolts. I chanced to peer out at my mysterious attackers.
"It's time for you to pay up, Suvam! We saw your droid—you can't hide from us!"
Lizard-like Trandoshans aimed their blaster rifles at the pillar I hid behind. HK also hid behind one of the stone pillars, shooting his blaster out at the lizards. I could have found a way to escape. Run. I didn't have a weapon, after all.
But no, I didn't run anymore, did I?
Focusing on the columns near the lizard-men, I closed my eyes and sensed every crack. Every defect. With a large push, the column crumbled and the Trandoshans shrieked in terror as it collided with most of them. I took advantage of this distraction and rushed out of cover, dodging the few blaster bolts that sprayed at me. With another rush, I lifted one of the lizards and slammed him against the wall. He died like one of those rabid beasts, crushed to death.
"Who—t-that's not Suvam!" one shouted.
"R-Retreat!" their leader shouted back.
The shooting ceased as they started to run away but I didn't bother to give chase. HK, on the other hand, continued shooting. I lifted my hand and grabbed the blaster from his metal grip, then I waltzed over, stepping over the collapsed column, to the entrance HK had been using as cover.
"Master! Objection: What are you doing? Those lizard meatbags are—"
"We need to get to the Hawk before they find it." I shoved the blaster into his hands. "Come on."
The droid's lights dimmed.
The sun had set by the time I arrived back at the Ebon Hawk. Unfortunately, the state of the Hawk was…not good.
Because the Trandoshans already found the Ebon Hawk.
Two ships parked close to the Hawk, both rust buckets. A few fires had been lit by the lizards near the ramp. A few cackled by their swoop bikes. I perched far away on a nearby tree branch while staring down at the captured ship. This would be my luck, wouldn't it? It looked like a pirate gang or smugglers.
HK-47 sat close by the tree I climbed in order to get a good view of the site. My mind raced as I tried to come up with a plan. If I could steal one of their ships, I could escape to the orbital station and get back up…
"Watch it, core slime!"
Mission. I recognized her voice even while I was this far away. My heart beat hard against my chest as I watched the lizards lead Mission, Juhani, Verena, Canderous, and Carth down the ramp. Jolee was the last to leave the ship and he was hobbling along as if he had a limp. The heat of anger flooded my face at the sight.
"Suvam!" One of the Trandoshans, their leader, shouted at them as he exited the Ebon Hawk. "Where is Suvam? If you don't tell us now, the annoying girl gets it."
The lizard waved a blaster in her face. Carth tried to get out of the grip of the goons holding him down, yet he failed. He said something I couldn't hear...
"I know he's here, human!" the Trandoshan shouted. "That is his ship right there. So, he must be hiding. Suvam! Stop hiding, coward! Pay up!"
I grit my teeth and prepared to enact some sort of plan to rescue them.
"Psst, hey, you—"
Before I could fully register the person who hissed at me, I jumped down from the branch and slammed the stranger against the tree. The terrified bug-face of the Rodian shivered after I pressed my arm against his windpipe. The tube of his mouth quaked as he spoke in his language.
"No! Please, I'm not going to attack. Just—"
I released the Rodian. "Are you Suvam?"
"Y-Yes."
I waved at the Trandoshans.
"Turn yourself in."
"No!" The scaly skin of the Rodian wrinkled, expressing some form of anger. "First of all, I have a feeling I know who you are. You're a part of that group, aren't you?" When I didn't say anything, the chatty Rodian rambled on. "You know—your friends have really been annoying me these past few days. Something is wrong, we need to go rescue him, yadda, yadda. Like I don't have a life. It's not like I could leave when I was expecting the Trandoshans to come around one of these days… I'm in the smuggling business—I don't rescue idiots. Well, your friends got impatient. They threatened to steal my ship to go after—hey—!"
I grabbed Suvam by the cuff of his shirt and dragged him towards the Trandoshans. The lizards all raised their blasters at my appearance.
The head lizard hissed. "There you are, Suvam! Thought you could slink away without paying us our protection money, eh?"
I ignored the exchange and eyed the Trandoshan's prisoners. Carth appeared flabbergasted as if he'd seen a ghost appear before him. Mission and Juhani also appeared shocked yet instead of a tight anger in their faces, I noticed it was mostly relaxed relief. Jolee and Canderous chuckled. Verena acted as if I hadn't appeared.
I didn't believe for one second that they were defenseless prisoners.
I dropped Suvam to the ground. The Rodian whined in pain.
"You have what you want." My voice felt harsh and stoic due to disuse. "Release them."
The Trandoshan let his tongue sliver out as he looked me up and down.
"Hmm…I don't know." He looked back at his gang. There were about ten to fifteen of them. We were outnumbered. "You don't make a good offer, human. I could get a lot of credits for the Cathar. Maybe double for the Twi'lek—"
The pink tongue froze in place. Something cold sunk into my limbs as I grabbed the Trandoshan's neck with the Force. The group behind him looked between each other in confusion after the Trandoshan stopped speaking. I walked slowly up to the lizard, looking deep into the small pupils of his yellow eyes.
"That wasn't an offer."
Crack.
The body of the Trandoshan fell. Before the other Trandoshans could register what happened, I broke both Juhani and Jolee's bounds with the Force. Without hesitation, they used the Force and took their lightsabers off the belt of the dead Trandoshan leader. Canderous didn't even pretend like he'd been defenseless. He ripped his bounds off without my help and dove for the Trandoshan's fallen blaster then rolled into the cover of the ship. Everyone else spread out into cover before the lizards regained their senses and started shooting.
HK laughed with glee as he shot at the lizards once again. Suvam whimpered below me as I focused on the Force once more. Using the fire surrounding them, I threw coals at the lizards. They shrieked in pain and, distracted by the flames, they were taken out by Canderous' blaster.
One blaster bolt managed to escape Juhani and Jolee's defenses. Before it managed to hit either me or Suvam, I slowed the red energy bolt to a crawl and, with a flick of my wrist, sent it back at the lizard. Then, I lifted two other Trandoshans and smashed them hard against their ship. So hard, green guts that used to be their heads splattered to the dirt below.
I caught Carth's horrified gaze for a split second after the violent scene. The last lizard was taken out by Juhani's lightsaber. After, without the blasters going off or the lightsabers humming in the air, silence. I hadn't broken a sweat either. In the grand scheme of things, this battle had been nothing.
Mission stood up and faced me. I thought, for a split second, that I saw anger in her eyes. Yet, it disappeared immediately. She ran up and gave me a Wookiee hug. And, once again, I couldn't breathe.
"Wes—err—sorry, well, forget it! I'm so glad you're okay! We thought you—"
Carth stormed up to me with anger raging within his eyes. Mission, as if sensing the incoming anger, flinched away. The pilot grabbed my robe and shook it.
"What the fuck is wrong with you? We thought you were dead!"
I grit my teeth.
"Carth."
"Don't Carth me—why the hell did you steal the Ebon Hawk like that? What did you…what did you remember?"
I sighed. Already regret this…
"I didn't remember anything."
He let out a sardonic laugh. "Somehow, I doubt that."
"It's true."
"Sure."
"You don't have a choice but to believe me."
Silence.
"And if I were to believe you…then why the hell did you leave then?"
I pursed my lips as I searched the Republic pilot's reddening face.
"I..." What had I been doing? My face stiffened. "I needed to sort things out. Alone."
"Sort out what, Wes?"
"That's not my name." There was a long chilling pause. I didn't let that awkward pause last. I detached myself from Carth's grip with the Force and started walking towards the Hawk. "The Ebon Hawk needs repairs. Make the Rodian fix it with the parts he scavenged from this moon. If he refuses, tell him we'll give him to the lizards. That should be convincing."
"Wait—after what happened, you think you can just order—?"
I didn't hear the rest of Carth's protest as I disappeared once again into the Ebon Hawk.
April fools - here's a chapter :P! I kid! XD
Apologies for the delay, part of it was due to real life, another due to old-fashioned writer's block. I wanted to make sure there was a good balance of both angst and a light of hope in this chapter (and this chapter was character focused over plot...but it's also very important for Revan's character development). You'll get to see more of Revan's true self in this coming arc...whether that's a good or bad thing...well...
I won't promise the next chapter to come quickly - I'm still busy as all hells - but I can't wait to continue! So, I'll see you next time!