Sunday, 9/25

"Yusuke, I'm begging you," Ryuji pleaded, his voice shaking in frustration and need. "Just pick up one piece of confetti. One effin' piece, man. That's all you need to do."

"No." As he had all morning, Yusuke continued to dance atop the couch while singing shit about disco infiltrators. Around him, GRAVY worked on fixing Ren's apartment to its usual standard. Yusuke wasn't the only one unwilling to work; Futaba took up shop in front of the TV and grinded levels for Ren in one of his games.

"C'mon… just one? Pretty please?"

Yusuke, fully confident in himself and his lack of work, held a hand up to Ryuji. "Stop! You can't believe, what you believe, or the disco infiltrator will leave!"

"Yusuke!" On the verge of confused tears, Ryuji continued to beg Yusuke as the others kept working. "What the eff is a disco infiltrator?! And why can't you just pick up one piece of confetti?!"

He's asking all the wrong questions.

From the kitchen sink, Ren cleaned dishes and joined in on Ryuji's conversation with Yusuke. "Better yet, how did you get into my apartment, Yusuke?" Ren asked multiple times during his birthday party how his friends got in, only to be told that Yusuke unlocked the door. That raised the question of how Yusuke got in, to which Ren had no reasonable idea.

Obviously, he scaled down the side of the building, used a laser to cut a circle in the window, then jumped into my room. Simple as that.

"An artist only reveals their secrets once they've made their fortune." Yusuke turned to the kitchen, pausing his dance. His height became intimidating with the extra two feet from standing on the couch. "Unfortunately for you all, my knowledge will remain my own because I am broke."

"Have you ever thought about a job, Yusuke-kun?" Haru asked. She'd taken a stool from Ren's kitchen counter to stand on it and take down the gold lettering from the wall.

"Jobs are where art dies."

Ren countered with the most reasonable perspective. "Jobs are what let people create art. Can't paint anything if you can't pay for food."

"Preposterous. I manage, and I have never paid for food."

"Well, that's because you're Yusuke and you can get away with stealing."

"True, true."

"I was joking."

"Ah. I couldn't tell."

"So you actually steal?"

"Does Robin Hood steal?"

"Isn't that the whole point of Robin Hood?" Ann asked.

"I steal as Robin Hood does. I take from the morally depraved; those consumed by desires and I give it to those in need."

"And it just so happens that the person you view as the neediest is yourself?"

"Precisely."

"When's the last time you said something that no one doubted?"

"Quite a few years. It has actually b-"

"Ew, get that shit away from me!" Ryuji screamed like a little girl and darted around the couch to avoid something Ann had in her hand. When Ren looked more closely, he saw a dirty paper towel.

Ren didn't need to ask to get an answer. He only asked to get some clarity. "Ryuji, you good?"

"No, man! Ann's tryna get me sick with-"

"Ryuji, I literally just wiped up the table and was taking the paper towel to the trash." Ann laughed as she walked past Ryuji and tossed the paper towel in the can. "You really think I want to wipe crumbs off on you for a laugh?"

"Well, no, but there are germs in that thing!"

Ren didn't need to see, he just felt everyone in the room collectively turn to Ryuji with confused looks. "You're scared of germs?"

"Hey, I never said that!" Ryuji held his hands up, defending himself by proclaiming his innocence. "And if I am, so what? Being sanitary never hurt anyone!"

Futaba walked up to Ryuji, punching him in the arm. "It's a paper towel. Get over it."

"I will not get over it. You see how close she held it to my face?!" Ryuji held his fingers apart by just an inch, leaning over Futaba to intimidate her into agreeing. "That shit was right here."

Futaba didn't take well to anyone imposing over her, let alone Ryuji. "Oh, ok. I guess you're right, Ryuji." She turned around, starting to walk away from Ryuji. Futaba waited just long enough for Ryuji to let his guard down. A second later, she spun around and coughed at Ryuji. "Boo!"

Her plan worked. Ryuji jumped backward, swinging his hands in front of him. "Hey! The eff are ya trying to do?!"

Ren finished the last of the dirty dishes and turned off the sink. As he wiped his hands on a rag, he walked out of the kitchen toward Ryuji. "Let's all take a second to relax, okay? Our friend Ryuji has grown a bit more cautious about his health. That's not something to make fun of, right?"

"Damn right!" Ryuji said, still in defense mode after Futaba's prank.

"If he wants us to be a bit cleaner, we can easily oblige him, can't we? So, from now on, let's all be like Ryuji and be a bit more germaphobic because nobody likes getting sick," Ren said loudly so that his voice would carry through the apartment. Everyone in GRAVY listened attentively to his support for Ryuji. "Any questions on GRAVY's new sanitation protocol?"

Unfortunately, Futaba raised her hand first. Even worse, she didn't wait to be called on. "So if we're gonna be washing our hands more, does that mean Ryuji will take his first shower?"

"Oh, you little-"

"Alright!" Ren yelled, interrupting the argument before it started all over again. "Ryuji wants to be cleaner, the rest of us should care less about how he lives his life. If he wants to-"

GRAVY's moral decay reared its ugly head when Haru, of all people, interrupted Ren. "Why are you making it sound like Ryuji-kun has made a significant lifestyle change?"

"Look, uh…" Ren felt himself losing GRAVY as the tensions rose. Ryuji wanted to yell at everyone, Futaba wanted to egg Ryuji on, and Ren was still wondering why anyone gave a shit about such a minor thing. "Agh, fuck it. Ryuji's a germaphobe-"

"I'm not a germaphobe!"

Ren ignored Ryuji and made his point. "-Let him 'phobe in peace. That's the end of it."

Ren walked back into the kitchen. He wasn't sure why; he'd already done all the dishes. The apartment stood still and quiet for seconds, the tension not dissipating in the slightest.

Yusuke ruined it. "Would any of you kind associates care to buy me my noon meal today?" GRAVY agreed on one thing, and it was to unanimously groan loud enough to shake the apartment walls.

(INSERT LINE)

"Yusuke, I have a question and I know that you have the answer because you're the type of person to keep track of everything," Ren said, wiping the sauce of his Universe Burger off his lips with a napkin. "Who among GRAVY has paid for the most of your meals?"

Ren had the sneaking suspicion that topped the leaderboard.

Yusuke didn't even hesitate to think it over. "Futaba, quite easily."

"Really?"

"Well, only because of the last month or so. Our work on her non-fungible token collection is exceedingly draining. She orders me food to keep me working."

"Uh… is Futaba exploiting you?"

"Far from it. My artistic ability feeds off her energy as well as her food."

"Okay," Ren said, very weirded out and eager to move on from a topic he understood nothing about. "What else have you been up to?"

"Do you watch the news?"

I don't know why I expected Yusuke to answer a question normally.

"Only when I have to."

"If you have had to lately, then you surely know of Madarame's ongoing trial."

Oh… shit. It's good that Madarame's getting what's coming to him, but Yusuke's got old wounds. The trial is definitely opening things up for him again.

"I didn't know," Ren said, staying casual. "I assume you've been following the trial?" While he expected Yusuke's response, Ren went back to eating his burger.

"I have, and rather closely. It has become rather difficult to do, though, because of the staggering amount of witnesses they continue to call." Yusuke paused, looking down at a half-eaten burger and fries. His never-ending appetite betrayed Ren's wallet, but Ren was too focused on Yusuke to care. "I'm learning of evils that I never could have imagined."

"Madarame was a fucked up guy and he kept the Sayuri scam hidden from you, so it's not hard to imagine that he had other stuff he got up to, right?" Ren said.

"Countless pupils have taken the stand against him, all accusing him of the same crimes I witnessed," Yusuke said, huffing and puffing. Ren rarely saw color come to Yusuke's face, but the artist seemed genuinely furious over the trial. He contained the fury well enough, though he still seemed like he was about to burst. "Yet I am here and I say nothing."

Ren didn't need to converse with Yusuke about the trial. What could he add with the little experience or knowledge that he had? Instead, Ren would serve his purpose as a metaphorical shoulder to lean on; a person for Yusuke to vent to. "Do you want to take the stand?"

"No. I could not under any circumstances. I would allow myself to get caught up in my art, my master's art, and everything that stood in between those two pillars." Yusuke turned around to look out the Big Bang Burger's window. The same crowd from the day before and the day before that walked past. "It would be a detriment to the prosecution's case because I love that evil man. I truly do."

"I'm sure he taught you a lot. That's why you love him?"

"The man may be devoid of the abilities the world perceived, but his taste was truly impeccable. Madarame was evil, but not any normal man could recognize the genius of the Sayuri. All my favorite pieces were introduced to me by him," Yusuke said, his frustration slowing as he acknowledged that Madarame could still be seen in his life every day. Every brush I ever used was purchased by him."

"You feel like you owe him?"

"I could, but I don't. I want him to rot for taking my mother's work as his own. I want each and every pupil that testified against him to have a successful career despite him." Yusuke rested his glum expression on his bony hand. "And I want a career of my own if that's not too much to ask."

"You still have your ability. You've got a career as long as you keep painting."

"An artist cannot create without inspiration. With no inspiration, whatever is produced is hollow. It is soulless. It is essentially Twisney's Earth Harmony films; worthless trash for those who don't care about passion to make money off of."

For real. Most of the Earth Harmony movies aren't good, but at least the bad ones made by the original guy stand out.

"I have become what I hate the most; I paint for Futaba's NFTs without any actual care for what I produce. I appreciate the opportunity and the companionship Sakura-chan has given me, but I find no fulfillment in something as empty."

"Okay, why don't we take a second to sit back, relax, and do a little brainstorming?" Ren leaned back in his chair and extended his legs out to the side of the table. Yusuke followed, closing his eyes and breathing very, very loudly. "Let's think… how'd you feel last night during your karaoke performance?"

"High."

"What?"

"I was on drugs at your birthday party, Ren."

"That makes a lotta se-"

"I am only joking," Yusuke said, robotically chuckling after. "But I would compare the feeling to a high of sorts. It is like momentarily disconnecting from reality."

"There you go. Why don't you try to visualize that disconnect and paint that?"

Ren could see Yusuke's eyes darting around beneath his eyelids, but he could tell that the idea didn't truly excite him. "I may try that…"

"Or, alternatively, do what we just did whenever you feel creatively bankrupt. Think of a moment where you felt a strong emotion, then paint that emotion. You know what I mean?"

"Yes," Yusuke said, exhaling long-windedly as he opened his eyes. "I understand what I must do now."

Look at you, Ren. You're like Maruki. I mean, without all the brainwashing and shit.

"You do?"

"Yes. I must do the unstuck!"

"I still don't know what the fuck the unstuck is."

"You will get it someday, Ren. I have faith in you."

"That means a lot coming from someone capable of doing the unstuck." With both GRAVY members returning to the silence of their food, Ren felt refreshed. Yusuke actually got his feelings out, which was quite the achievement for Ren, and both of them felt better over it. With cleared air, Ren hoped that one last question could be answered. "Ya know, now that we're having a bit of a moment, could you finally tell me how you got into my apartment?"

"No, I don't think I will."

"Just a hint?"

"I recruited the help of Davé to fight the demon lord Buer, president of Hell, leader of the underworld's fifty greatest demons. After a brutal month of bloodshed and the ritual sacrifice of five million cows, I, Yusuke Steven Kitagawa, defeated Buer and was granted a key to the apartment of Ren Amamiya." Yusuke tossed his remaining half-burger a full twenty feet across the room into the trashcan then sipped his drink. He stared Ren down without an ounce of irony in his eyes. "There's your hint."

Duh! How'd you not guess that, Ren?

"Your middle name is Steven?"

"No. What gave you that idea?"

"Good talk, Yusuke."

(INSERT LINE)

After sneaking through the back door and around multiple security teams, Ryuji finally got his opportunity. Hifumi stood in the center of flashy cameras, backed by a plain white background. Ryuji held his sign high in the air and looked directly at Hifumi, hoping to make eye contact as soon as she read his homemade poster.

ModCon, short for Model Convention, was a gathering between modeling agencies, models, and basement-dwelling fans of the same models. Along with security, Ryuji had to sneak past too many grown men in fedoras for him to count.

At ModCon, there were shoots for fans to watch as some form of entertainment. Ryuji had checked Hifumi's shoot time in advance—he'd been planning this day for weeks—and showed up right on time to get her attention, win her back, and finally have a girlfriend by the end of the day.

And so, with the goal of marriage to the Venus of Shogi, Ryuji held that sign as high as he effing could. Hifumi switched poses every few seconds, darting her eyes from camera to camera to give each of them a great shot. Ryuji stood on his tippy toes to get his sign higher above the observing crowd that formed for Hifumi. Ryuji wasn't her only fan, but he was certainly the most devoted.

Finally, when her eyes were crossing the line of photographers in front of her, they paused. Ryuji knew she saw the poster, yet she didn't react. She continued posing for the photographers without dropping her expression or showing her surprise. Ryuji's smile grew as Hifumi finished up the last few poses of the shoot and then called for the end of it.

Now or never, Ryuji. If you eff this up, you will die alone, Ryuji told himself to make sure he knew the stakes. Girls like Hifumi were hard to come by; who knew if Ryuji would ever get another chance like her?

The crowd of fans quickly dispersed, all of them in search of the next model's shoot. Hifumi and her escort, two beefy guys dressed in black, began to make their way away from the setup. Ryuji followed after. His pace accelerated with every step, getting closer and closer to his goal. Hifumi saw his sign, he couldn't give up when she was only ten feet away. When ten became one, Ryuji struck.

"Hey, Hifumi!" She stopped and turned around. Her bodyguards moved to push Ryuji away from her, but she held her hand up to stop them in their tracks. "Hifumi!" Ryuji said, panting from how fast he had to walk. From his side, he held up the sign with much less emphasis than before. "You saw my sign, right?"

Ryuji glanced down and reread the sign to himself. " Be my Venus, Shogi Queen!" What girl wouldn't fall for that? Ryuji thought, almost laughing at the memory of his mother helping him create the poster. He couldn't brainstorm a phrase deserving of Hifumi on his own, so Eri Sakamoto ghost-wrote Ryuji's poster for him.

"Yes, I did…" Not the reaction Ryuji hoped for, but he could work with it. He didn't need her to like the sign, he just needed it to give him the opportunity. "Ryuji, could we discu-"

"Look, I wanna be honest with you," Ryuji said, dropping the poster to the ground. "I can't see myself with any other girl. Hifumi, I know you're the one for me. It may have been a little awkward the last time we talked, but I'm past that. So, whaddya say? If you give me a shot, I promise that you won't regret it."

"Um…" Hifumi paused, surely because she was so overwhelmed by Ryuji's outpouring of honesty. She wouldn't be able to forget him, couldn't think of anyone other than Ryuji. He had etched his words into her memory and reminded her of how much she liked him. Now, Ryuji could take her under his arm and make her his girlfri- "Sorry, Ryuji. I'm just not interested."

"We'll take it slowly at first, 'cause of-"

"I don't like you that way." One of the bodyguards tapped Hifumi on the shoulder to remind her of more pressing matters. With a quick, "I'm sorry, Ryuji," Hifumi was whisked away, never to be seen by Ryuji again.

His head hanging low enough to be considered a hunchback, Ryuji looked down at his abandoned sign on the ground. "Not interested?" Hifumi's response was like opening a window on an airplane. Ryuji got sucked out that window, flung through the air with enough force to ignite the ozone layer, then hit the ground hard enough for his body to explode into a million pieces. Of course, he would live through it because the world wanted him to suffer and suffer he did.

Ryuji picked up the sign, endlessly rereading the message his mother wrote on it. "You've done it again, Ryuji," he said, sighing his last breath of hope before he turned his back on ModCon's main room.

(INSERT LINE)

"Sir, you need to vacate the premi-"

"Yeah, yeah. Gimme a minute, man." Ryuji did not need to look up at the security guard to be pitied. "I'm grieving."

Ryuji sat against the wall of a deserted hall in the massive building. He'd taken the walk of shame off of the convention floor, immediately slumping against a wall when he was out of sight. His sign hadn't made much of an impact and it did even less when he used it as something to sit on. The security guard found him in his despondent state, and without legitimate credentials, would soon throw Ryuji out.

"I will not continue repeating myself, sir. You must leave or else I will be forced to-"

"Ryuji?!" Both the security guard and Ryuji turned their heads to see the feminine voice's owner. At the end of the hall, Ann stood with her own security guard and a suit-wearing man. When they locked eyes, she rushed over to him while leaving her companions behind. "What are you doi-" Ryuji shook his head, stopping Ann from getting him kicked out. "I mean, here you are! I've been looking for you for the past half hour!"

"Tch." The pest that hounded Ryuji shook his head and walked out of sight immediately.

"Thanks, Ann." Ryuji couldn't give Ann the energy he usually gave her and that depressed him even more. His primary responsibility as a friend was to always be energetic for his friends, brightening their moods if they were down and firing them up if they were lethargic. Essentially, he saw himself as GRAVY's spark plug.

Instead of condescending standing over him, Ann dropped down against the wall to sit next to him. Both of their legs extended out over the carpeted floor. "So why on Earth are you here? No offense. It's just weird seeing you at one of these ."

"I, uh…" Ryuji momentarily held himself off the ground and pulled the poster from under him. He passed it to Ann to hold in front of her face. As she read, Ryuji explained himself. "I was gonna win Hifumi back. I had it all mapped out…"

"Oh…" Ann could guess the result of Ryuji's plan without him even telling her. "Ryuji…"

Ann's presence next to him encouraged him to unleash. "I spent weeks thinking 'bout this, man! It's like being a kid and waiting for Christmas, just to get an effin' bag of coal!"

"If Hifumi couldn't see how much you liked her, then that's her loss, Ryuji," Ann said.

"She had to have seen it. I put it all out there for her, and what does she do? She tosses it back in my face." Ryuji shook his head, looking down at his palms. They shook with frustration.

"Honestly, Hifumi doesn't deserve you. Think about it. When's she ever gone out of her way to talk to you? When has she ever initiated?"

"Well, that's not her job! It's on the guy to start things off, ya know?"

Ann smacked his shoulder, getting him to look her in the eye. "That's why you've never had a girlfriend. You've been ignoring the girl that's trying to initiate with you because you're so stuck in your bad dating conventions!"

"I have?" This was a mind-blowing revelation for Ryuji for multiple reasons. One, girls could initiate a romantic relationship. Two, there was one trying to do so with Ryuji. "Is she hot?"

"She's a model."

"I like her already."

"And you've known her for a few years…"

"Damn…" Ryuji looked up, trying to think of who the hell it could be. "That really narrows it down, but… yeah, I got nothing."

Again, Ann smacked his shoulder. "Ryuji!" When he looked at her again, her crazed eyes pulled him in. "I'm right fucking here!"

"What?"

"Ryuji! I! Like! You!"

"We talking like-like, or, like, just li-"

"Watching you obsess over Hifumi makes me want to pull my hair out. I've been flirting, I've been talking, and I even invited you to a romantic walk along a beach!" Ann grabbed Ryuji's head by putting her hands on Ryuji's temples. She shook him to get her point in, no matter how dizzy it made Ryuji. "What do I need to do for you to realize I want to be your girlfriend?!"

"Like, a friend who's a girl, or-"

"Oh my god!" Ann dropped Ryuji's head and shook her own. "You're hopeless."

Rubbing his temples, Ryuji chuckled. "Okay, that was a joke." He cracked his neck by leaning it to both sides. "But you're serious?"

"I've been serious for months!"

"Huh."

"That's all you have to say?!"

"Nah, I just realized I chased Hifumi for nothing."

"What?!"

"I've had a bit of a crush on you since junior high, but you're out of my league. Figured it wasn't worth putting up a shot."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. You're literally a supermodel and I'm… the only kid at Shujin who dyed his hair blonde. And you never seemed that into talking with me, so…"

"Well, that was just me playing hard to get."

"And I'm the one following bad dating conventions?" They both laughed, echoing out in the empty hallway. Ryuji shot a quick glance to where Ann's companions had been, finding them both to be long gone.

"I guess it's both our faults," Ann conceded, staring at the wall opposite of them. Ugly checkered designs covered the wall. "But more yours."

"Get outta here."

"We can agree to disagree on that," Ann said, her voice getting a little higher the more she spoke. "But how about we agree to something else?"

"Like what?"

"After what we just talked about, what do you think?"

"Ohhh, you want me to ask out that girl who likes me?" Ann nodded, forcing Ryuji to get serious. "Ann, wanna go out with me?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Well, shit. That was easy."

"For you."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm guessing you're here because you have a shoot?" Ryuji asked, transitioning the conversation from its climax without even hesitating. Ann seemed annoyed with how quickly Ryuji moved on from the emotional moment, but that was just the way he rolled.

"Kinda. I'm actually trying to reestablish some of my connections, but…" Ann trailed off. That told Ryuji enough about how her day had gone.

"Not going well, huh? Well, if they don't want you, eff em."

"I can't just turn my back on the industry. I like modeling."

"Then what's stopping you?"

Ann leaned forward and looked past Ryuji. As he turned to see, Ann spoke in his ear. "Someone cornered the market."

"Well, well, well… if it isn't Takamaki-san. How's it feel to sit on the ground while everyone else is being worshipped by their fans?" On long, thin legs and giant heels, Mika strolled down the hall into view. Her own entourage of security and such stayed ten feet behind her no matter what.

Immediately, Ann sounded bummed. "Hi, Mika."

"Couldn't find anyone to hire you on the floor so you're begging guys for attention? You've stooped really low, Takamaki-san."

Ryuji looked between Mika and Ann. The former stood over him and Ann, arms crossed and the most delightfully sick smile plastered across her face. Ann, sitting on the ground, couldn't bear to look up at Mika.

Ann was around for me when I needed her. Now it's my turn, Ryuji thought as he pushed himself off his ass. He shot up, staring down Mika head-on. Her smile grew as what she thought to be fresh prey presented itself.

"What did the blind man say to the fishmonger?"

Amused, Mika thought that Ryuji's joke wouldn't lead anywhere. She played into it. "I don't know, what?"

"'Good morning, Mika!'" Making sure to get his laughs in while taking care of his friend, Ryuji extended a hand downward. "Ann, could we go? It smells like the damn harbor over here now."

"How dare-"

"Could you please hurry, Ann?" Ryuji continued. Ann took Ryuji's hand and that only encouraged him to finish his joke. "My nose is turning itself inside out with all the god damn fish in-"

"Don't think this changes anything!" Mika walked away before Ryuji could get another one off. Ryuji finished helping Ann up, then grabbed his poster off the ground.

"She wouldn't be so defensive if she wasn't insecure. I feel kinda bad for her."

"Nah. Fuck Mika. I'm plotting her downfall already."

(INSERT LINE)

Ren set his homework down on the coffee table and picked up his ringing phone. As soon as he answered, he pressed it to his ear. "Hel-"

A demon lord of static and noise screamed through the phone, "I effin' did it!"

"Ryuji? You alri-"

"Aaaaah! I did it!" Ren recoiled from his phone, but Ryuji was so loud that his voice still pierced Ren's ears from a few feet away. "I got an effing girlfriend!"

"Good fo-"

"Aaaaah!"

"Stop screa-"

"I finally did it!"

"That's nice, Ryuji. I'm gonna go n-"

"Aaaaah!"

I don't know how the fuck he did it, but good for Ryuji.

Ren hung up, laughing at the absurdity of the call. Ryuji was too busy screaming to tell Ren any of the actual details. Nonetheless, Ren was happy that the friend with a great curse on his romantic life managed to overcome the impossible. He returned to his homework in a better mood than before.

(INSERT LINE)

Monday, 9/26

"Your coffee's getting better."

"You don't give me enough credit. This shit is divine compared to what I was making five months ago."

"What you make now is alright. What you made back in April was a disgrace to Leblanc, to coffee, and to every human that ever sipped a drink from a cup. I don't think many things in life are truly awful, but that coffee…" Sojiro shook the shivers out of his body. "That was a travesty on a colossal scale. The atomic bomb of cof-"

"I get it. I made shit coffee."

"Now you make less shit coffee, but you improve with every cup. That's what's important. At your current rate, I'd say you have about sixteen more years before you catch up to me."

"So that means I'll be better than you at making coffee by the time I'm your age?"

"No. I said 'catch up,' not 'match.' I'll be making coffee until I die. If you ever serve me a cup of coffee that's better than what I brew, I will sell Leblanc to you for a single yen coin."

I could never own a store or restaurant. Too much work dealing with too many people, plus customers get so entitled when it comes to the food business. That one guy had me remake his coffee six times. Six! At a certain point, boiling his head in the coffee is more worth my time than making his six cups, but I did it anyway. I'm nothing more than a lackluster rebel standing on uneven ground.

Leblanc's bell rang as the door opened and closed. Ren and Sojiro followed the procedure to look before asking what the customer wanted. Many people came to Leblanc, not for coffee, but to talk to Sojiro. Some came for Ren, though not nearly as often as they did for his boss.

This time, however, was for Ren. Goro Akechi, in his gloriously beige peacoat, stood at the door.

Huh. He looks less angry and fed up than the last time I saw him. He must not have fulfilled his smugness quota for today.

"How can we help you?" Sojiro asked.

Akechi looked up at the hand-written menu above Sojiro's head. "I'll take a cup of the Leblanc Special." His gaze switched to Ren. "And a few minutes of your assistant's time."

Woah, hold on. I know that I need to talk to Akechi, but assistant?! A Lord of GRAVY-esque Goodness being relegated to an assistant?!

Ren left his trusty stool and went to the closest booth. Akechi followed, sliding in at the exact same time as Ren. They faced each other while Sojiro got to work on Akechi's coffee.

You know, today my balls are gigantic. I'll cut to the chase.

"How's your god-fighting going?"

Both of Akechi's eyebrows heightened in confusion. "God-fighting?"

"You know… remember what we talked about in the little vision?"

"No, I can't say I do." Confusion couldn't wipe the smirk off Akechi's face. Ren wanted it gone, desperately, and he paused his questions to do a little analysis.

Smug smile, but says he doesn't know what you're talking about… Ren, you're being lied to.

Two could play that game. Ren's own trademark smirk emerged as he leaned over the table. He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Goro, I've been looking into the god more. I did more trials, I think I signed a contract in one, and I-"

Akechi hit the table as his face dropped into bitterness. "Listen to me when I say that you are chief among all imbeciles, one so stupid that-"

"So you do know what I'm talking about."

Akechi's murderous intent vanished immediately. "You aren't going against what I ordered you to do?"

Outsmarting Akechi… today has been a great day. I could get hit by a train after this and the day would still be one to celebrate.

"I've been a little too busy to fight a god, but I'll get around to it eventually."

"I didn't come to this pathetic co-"

"Then why did you come, Goro?" Ren interrupted. He glanced to his left to check the status of Sojiro's coffee; nearing completion.

"I wanted to see if you were obeying."

"Not for long. I can't stay cooped up forever, you know that."

"You must. It is imperative that you do nothi-"

Ren liked annoying Akechi. Sure, he was being an asshole, but Akechi approached him on equally dumb ground. "Eh, I dunno. Sounds bor-"

"You are at the top of a distressingly short list of suspects in the Takata case. I suggest you shut your mouth and do what you're told if you don't want your probation to end with incarceration," Akechi said, scowling at Ren. Whatever the conversation had become must've been quite far from what he wanted when he initially entered Leblanc.

"A detective, who's still a teenager, has the power to erase a suspect in a murder case? Get the fuck outta here."

"Watch me. Better yet, do nothing and watch as I keep you around for reasons not even I know." It was Akechi's turn to lean over the table in a show of confidence. "You are important because you are the exception to the god's plan, nothing more. In fact, I may have already squeezed all the worth out of you. I just don't know it."

"I feel fatter than squeezed, so I'm not too sure about that."

"Oh, but I am. You didn't read the contract you signed, correct?" Akechi's rhetorical question went unanswered because Sojiro came by with a cup of coffee. The detective traded cash for the cup, then set down the coffee in front of him. "In that contract, you forfeited something that I now possess."

"Virginity?"

Top five Ren Amamiya moment of all time, right there. I'll be telling that one to my kids.

Akechi laughed. Not at Ren's joke, but at Ren. "You wouldn't get it. It's an item that is of little value to you, powerless as you are."

"Sure…" Ren didn't know how much he could believe Akechi. He'd proven that the Akechi in the hallucination was real, that was a win, but beyond that? Ren couldn't trust the detective. He'd entered Leblanc intent on lying until Ren saw through him, then changed course to belittlement. Ren wanted to toss Akechi's coffee in his face, but he still had reason to talk to the detective. "Fine. You get your secret little McGuffin. I have one thing I want to clarify, then you can leave with your insecure briefcase."

Akechi stood on a hill that Ren didn't think anyone would defend. "Do not insult the briefcase."

"I'm gonna insult the briefcase all I want. It's stupid, and you know it."

"It is not stupid!" Akechi spat.

"Did I hit your briefcase nerve?"

Akechi sucked so much air through his nose that Ren hoped the detective's head would explode. Alas, Ren's day reached its maximum number of good moments for him. Akechi opened his eyes without the insecurity of his briefcase, but with calmness. "What did you want to be clarified?"

"I may have done a little investigating of my own with Yoshizawa," Ren said. Akechi raised a curious eyebrow but allowed Ren to continue. "I think she's being brainwashed by Maruki, Shujin's counselor. She doesn't remember who I am all of the sudden, and others working with Mar-"

"Thank you." Akechi stood up, dusting off his pants. When he grabbed his briefcase to leave, Ren protested.

"Hold the fuck up, where do you think you're going?"

"I've gotten what I want from you. This conversation doesn't need to endure any longer."

"No no no, this is the part where you're supposed to tell me what to do and help. Kasumi is being exploited and she can't do shit about it!"

"Quit your yelling, kid," Sojiro muttered from behind a newspaper.

Ren's words worked. Akechi sat down and plainly looked at Ren. "Neither will I. As I said, your information about Yoshizawa decides no part of what I do. It only settles a personal bet."

"What?!"

"My hunch about Yoshizawa is correct. If your counselor is brainwashing her for the reason I think he is, you would agree with him."

"No, I wouldn't. Neither should you."

"I don't agree with Maruki. If you are telling the truth, I stand against everything he stands for. However, this doesn't mean that I must take action. Maruki is harmless."

"He's got Kasumi forgetting about friends!"

"Is that what you are? Her friend?" Akechi stood up, glaring down at Ren. "You don't even know her name."

The fuck does that mean?

Ren was too busy recovering from the verbal dagger to notice Akechi grab his briefcase, thank Sojiro for the coffee, and leave. He shot up from his seat with every variation of hatred, anger, and frustration flaring.

At least he helped me remember why I hate him. He's trying to stop a god from ending the world, but he's going to be an ass about it while doing it on his own terms. I'm sure there's another reason he's involved in all this; no one's that smug without a master plan. Well, they are in the movies. I'd never met someone that pretentious until I met Akechi.

"You always look like you hate yourself after talking to him," Sojiro said from the other side of the counter. Ren returned to his usual stool and exhaled relief at Akechi's departure.

"I don't think I've ever been more frustrated with someone than I have with him."

"I don't blame you. I knew a kid like him when I was in high school. One morning, he showed up at school in a suit. It was an election year, so politics always got a lot of talk in the halls, and he decided to be a contrarian just because he wanted to break people's balls. He would interrupt conversations just to provoke people into arguing with him. Everyone hated him, and I still haven't found an asshole who's managed to top that kid."

"Anyone ever do anything about him?"

"Some of the third years took him behind the gym and kicked the shit out of him. Month-long hospital stay." Sojiro dropped the bomb in such a casual, unphased way. "Moral of the story: don't disagree with people just because you want to feel different. Get an actual reason to disagree, or else you'll end up in the hospital."