Chapter 66

Breakdown

The White SeeD Ship sailed into the crumbling castle harbour in the pre-dawn hours, with a conflicted and depressed Thalassa leaning over portside. There were a couple of stocky Centran nomads approaching the harbour side, their steel armour clinking in the darkness and catching the whole moon's sheen, preparing to help anchor. Battleship Island had beaten them here, and loomed further down the port, a black colossus in the semi-darkness. Thalassa looked beyond the Neo-SeeD vessel, to those five round towers silhouetted in the comely quicksilver moonlight, still amazed that not one of them had crumbled over the past century. Lenown Castle had weathered the Calamity and remained standing proud, awaiting its first sitting monarch in a century.

The captain was already breakfasted and in uniform, the only other White SeeD awake being their helmsperson. She had been unable to sleep since a dream about Gerra had resulted in her waking in a cold sweat. All alone, of course, as it was the third morning since she had sent him away.

Thalassa did not know if she had done the right thing, and was only partially successful blocking it out of her mind. It had been in a moment of blind anger, that the man from a world of ruin that she had accompanied down a path of redemption, that the man she had fallen in love with, was a double child murderer. She knew that term was not completely fair on Gerra, and she understood why he had had to do it. That if he had not, then he would not be in the present, and Ultimecia would be cementing her world domination on this day, as had happened in his timeline. Still, it had not lessened the abhorrent nature of his darkest deed, and Thalassa did not know if she could ever willingly be in Gerra's presence again. And if any of her crew ever found out, they would probably want to kill him. At the very least, she would take his dark secret to the grave, even if she lived to a ripe old age.

Thalassa could not take it back, now. And even if she wanted to, finding Gerra would be difficult, as he had no phone and no traces of existence in this world, reliant on the charity of his newfound allies ever since his arrival. There was no time to look for him on the colony before Timber. And although he had said he would injunction from Ifrit, he had also left his gunblade and his trenchcoat behind.

Perhaps the ludicrousness of a fire-elemental GF now confined to the deck of a predominantly wooden galleon should have been apparent. Obviously, Ifrit did not like water, and could not move around in his immaterial form to pass through cabin portals due to the danger of him setting fire to the ship; he was too big to take physical form in most cabins, anyway. Although he could levitate, he could not fly long distances like Phoenix could, and certainly would not attempt to do so over the open ocean. And so, Ifrit remained in his brawny, corporeal form, sitting cross-legged at the bow with his eyes closed, with the tonberries and cactuars for company. He had been looking forward to reaching Lenown.

The Bringer of Hellfire remained undecided on a White SeeD to junction with, one who he deemed gifted enough with fire. The GF had said that his namesake, an Almasy, would be his preference, as he had been famously junctioned with a juvenile Seifer. But little Ifrit was far too young and inexperienced to be used in combat, and Fujin would never allow it, even had Ultimecia not targeted him. Nor would Thalassa; she was confident the boy would earn his White Beret within a few years, just not before the war's end.

Still, either Ifrit were the least of Thalassa's worries. Barely an hour after Gerra had flown away, Noctis and Relm both asked for her in the operations room, to formally request their discharge. This was only softened slightly as Thalassa had seen this coming. The reason why was because a restored Centran monarchy would necessitate an army to defend the Nine Shires and continue to aid the struggle against the Empire. Tonberry King and Jumbo Cactuar had opted to remain junctioned with the two, and this would put said Royal Army – as it had previously been known – on par with Galbadia and New Sarona with two GF bearers. The Centrans were already a hardy people, they had had to be, and White SeeD-trained officers would make their army a force to be reckoned with.

The royal cousins had tried to reassure their soon-to-be former captain, saying that Steiner would want Noct's sisters, Garnet and Eiko, to begin training with her. Still, losing two of her best warriors for girls of eight and ten summers was hardly a balanced scale. Relm said she would be relinquishing Celes' runic sword, too, though this was another empty gesture, as it was almost completely devoid of para-magic after Mysidia. Thalassa had told her to keep it.

Furthermore, losing Noct would mean that she would likely be losing Gladiolus, Prompto and Ignis, too. Disregarding that they were all best friends, Gladio and Prompto were Centran by birth, and the Esthari-raised Iggy had been adopted by House Christophe after his defecting parents were tracked down and murdered. Sure enough, Thalassa had received three more discharge letters the following morning, Iggy's being highly apologetic, written like classical poetry and about triple the length of the other two's.

Then, yesterday, all the remaining Centran White SeeDs, of which there was a significant percentage, also requested to leave. More than a third of her White Berets! And Thalassa was certain that Matron nor Kurin had never seen such mass desertion, even if there was a good enough reason for it.

After that succession of heavy blows, Thalassa had broken down in front of Relm. She had not cried so hard since the day Matron had tearfully broken the news that her parents had died, or the night she had found Matron and Cid's ravaged bodies. Relm had been one of her best friends since her time with the Centrans, and she could not lie to a GF bearer, so she had just limited the truth, saying that Gerra had needed to leave for a while and guiltily pulled need-to-know when Relm had asked for more details. Relm was leaving, after all. Then, Thalassa had shut herself in her cabin for the remainder of that day, and had cried herself to sleep.

In the present moment, the two Centrans on the harbour were waving animatedly as the ship gently touched the sandbags lined on the side of the harbour. 'G'day!' they called jovially, in Centran fashion, and Thalassa mechanically returned their waves before throwing them anchoring ropes, then began lowering the gangplank herself. She briskly met the two of them at the end. 'G'mornin',' she returned, the Balamb way, and just as minimally.

One of them was broad and stood a good six inches higher than the other; likely of Almaj. In the dim lighting, Thalassa could make out long, black hair, a darker skin tone and mahogany eyes from the other, surmising his ancestors had probably come from Serengeti. The shorter one's teeth glinted white in the pre-dawn as he addressed her, well cared for even with a nomadic lifestyle.

'How ya goin', love?'

Going, not doing. It was a very Centran question. This was a monumental day for the Centrans, and it was likely the ale and the gin was already swilling in these night watchmen, who would not be retiring to bed after their shift. The Serengeti man's body language was clear, with his chest proud and his shoulders back. He seemed determined to start the dawn off on a high by flirting with an attractive White SeeD, and Thalassa was not in the mood, even if she had come to a firm decision on Gerra. But then the grinning Centran squinted, his eyes swivelling to the left side of Thalassa face. Even in the near darkness, he would be able to make out those tribal markings. Her facial tattoo was two of a kind.

'Xande's cock!' he exclaimed; it was another Centran expression. 'It's Thalassa!'

Thalassa thought she heard the briefest of chuckles from the Son of Almaj, though the use or her first name made her wonder.

'Have we met?' she asked the Serengeti man.

'It's me, Kaleb!'

Thalassa searched her memory in her fatigue, and it took her a couple of seconds to recall. Ah yes, Kaleb. He had been around her own age when she had been taken in by the nomads, and had initially picked on her for her shortness and her Balamb accent. Though he had been secretly infatuated, presuming to seize and kiss her before her departure with White SeeD. Thalassa had kneed his groin in response, screaming about how her father had been the Armageddon Fist, and that if Kaleb ever touched her again, he would lose more than just his reputation.

'Long time no see, Kaleb,' she said slowly, then levelly added, 'I hope you've learned to keep your hands to yourself, or you'll be going headfirst into the deep.'

The Almaj man laughed a lot harder this time, and Thalassa could definitely smell gin on him now. Chances were that Thalassa knew him, too.

'Hey, we were kids!' he defended himself, nervously.

'I hear that you're captain of White SeeD, now!' the Son of Almaj said. 'Good on you, Thalassa!'

Thalassa said nothing, as more silhouettes on the brightening ship caught her eye. Thirteen in total, and she knew without a shadow of a doubt who they were. Her Centran White Berets, walking the gangplank for the final time. Relm was at their head. Noctis was behind her, his prematurely grey hair highlighted in the moonlight.

Thalassa was pleased that Relm had reconciled with her estranged father at Mysidia; Sir Clyde Marston, formerly known as Shadow, now serving as interim captain of the Knights of Pluto. Thalassa assumed that Noct would be taking that permanent post, but Clyde would be invaluable to the Royal Army and their future efforts to police the Nine Shires, due to his old ties and vast knowledge of the bandit country.

'Your Highnesses!' the Centrans shouted with elated realisation, bowing before Relm and Noct in turn.

The Almaj man must have been known to Gladio, as the two giants embraced as soon as Gladio was clear of the gangplank. Noctis was the only one anywhere near their girth, Steiner's union with Beatrix having only taken a few inches from his firstborn's eventual height.

Relm followed Thalassa, who had taken the opportunity to scarper several metres down the harbour. Her dear friend knew her too well, and would know she was hiding things after their conversation the previous day. In fact, Relm had probably resolved to get every single detail from Thalassa before the White SeeD Ship left these shores. The comely, petite princess had a remorseful but decided air about her. Although faintly visible at this hour, her freckles had become rather prominent during the spring heatwave, and her strawberry blonde hair had naturally highlighted.

'How are you going?' Thalassa was asked, for the second time that morning. 'Lassa, even without JC' – the abbreviation Relm had taken to using for Jumbo Cactuar – 'you can't lie to me! You look like hammered shit! You've barely slept since Gerra left, and you've been avoiding everyone!'

Thalassa could not look at her, repeatedly finding her anger welling up much faster than what she was accustomed to. Down the harbour, the Centrans had started singing their old national anthem. She grasped her beret with both hands, thinking that had she not been wearing it, she would have tried to yank her own pigtails out.

'Diablos fucking Shiva!' she cursed. 'How the hell do you expect me to feel, Relm! My boyfriend takes off, and then a third of my White SeeDs hand in their resignation!' Thalassa noted she had not unconsciously said ex-boyfriend, as she wheeled on Relm. 'I only got two of you killed at Mysidia! More died at the Necropolis! You should all know by now that defeating the Empire isn't going to be a cakewalk!'

Thalassa was instantly disappointed with herself. She was suffering from a mixture of chronic fatigue, heartbreak and depression, and was not thinking rationally. Worse, she had revealed information about Gerra's departure. Relm was about to leave White SeeD forever, and this was how she would remember her final morning as a White Beret, that her captain and friend of twelve years had screamed in her face. Worse, some of her ex-crew had noticed, and were approaching them, as were Kaleb and the big Almaj man.

'Hey!' Relm said defensively. 'None of us question that you're an amazing captain, Lassa. I'm certain Viviana did not blame you for her death, and Ptolemy gave his life for you. This is just unfortunate timing. We all knew this anniversary was coming, and we knew what His Majesty intended. Mother Centra is going to need us, if she hopes to play a significant role in this war.'

Two more shapes were descending the gangplank, and Thalassa knew who they were by their gait before they even came into view. Sophia and Fynn, holding hands. Their incarceration in the Centran mines meant they were instinctual early risers, now earlier than was standard for soldiers, normally the only ones who appreciate that there were two four o'clocks per day. Her outburst had not necessarily attracted them, but they were looking at her worriedly. Thalassa thought that she was going to cry again.

'Hyne, Relm,' Thalassa croaked, not loud enough for the Centrans to hear, and felt obliged to add, 'I'm sorry, Your Highness.' After all, the princess' service to White SeeD had ended at midnight, and Thalassa was addressing royalty.

'Is everything alright, Captain?' Noctis asked her, both respectfully and worriedly, and all the eyes of the Centrans were boring right through her. Thalassa's mouth was wired shut. She had never been so close to a mental breakdown.

Come on, you stupid bitch! Thalassa reproached herself. This is nothing compared to the traumas Tyris went through! Tyris would be laughing if she could see you now!

She hesitated a little too long, because it was Prompto that blurted the next inquisition, characteristically unable to contain himself.

'What's going on, Captain? Why did Gerra leave?'

Thalassa turned from them, and away from the ship. She realised she was facing northeast, towards the landmass where Gerra more than likely was now. All alone, likely feeling abandoned, because of her flash of anger.

'Gerra had to go away for a while,' she said carefully. 'Don't ask me why, because I can't tell you. Any of you. It's personal, between me and him. This is my last order to you all,' she finished firmly.

Simply put, Thalassa just needed to get this day over with, so that she could throw herself back into the war as a diversion from her sudden problems. Although she could not admit that to any of these proud Centrans, who had longed for this centenary.

There was a tense silence, broken only when Ignis cleared his throat the way he liked to. He stepped forward of the other Centrans, standing between his foster brother and sister.

'Our discharge papers are just that, Captain,' the Esthari articulated in his deep voice, adjusting his spectacles. 'Paper! We may be answering our call to the New Royal Army, but we shall never cease being Edea's SeeDs! I speak for all of us when I say that you can call on our aid whenever you need to. Your captaincy may be in its infancy, but your steadfast leadership was demonstrated at Mysidia, and we could never have performed such legendary feats without your guidance, Riptide! It was an honour to share those heroics with you, Captain Thalassa!'

Thalassa knew Ignis meant well, but easterners and westerners alike would inevitably infer that White SeeD, with such strong ties to the Centran monarchy, was already acting beyond Matron's mandate. It had been for many years. The likes of Shawn Argus had already implied the White SeeD Ship was the flagship of Centra's Royal Navy. It was an inevitable conversation Thalassa needed to have with both Squall and Steiner, because if it was left unaddressed, White SeeD could find itself fighting against Neo-SeeD in the generations to come.

'Thanks, Iggy,' she said obligatorily.

By now, Sophia and Fynn had joined them. Sophia of the Elderwood clan had immediately clicked with Thalassa, having had the honour of meeting her late father on his first SeeD mission, and had gotten a tanned hide for charging Zell to look out her window. Thalassa had never met Sophia's mother, but knew she still commanded the Forest Fox, and had been the leader of Timber's military before the annexation. Though she had met Sophia's two brothers, Gareth and Rickard, the last time she had been in Timber. All the POWs had had shaven heads in the mines, so Sophia's hair was the same length as Fynn's, though it suited her.

As for Fynn, the former Galbadian sergeant was one of the friendliest tough guys that Thalassa had ever met, tall and dark-haired with a top-heavy physique; the main thing missing from his image was the red uniform, ops vest and wrist-mounted gun. He had become highly popular among the crew, and neither he nor Sophia had given any indication of wanting to leave. Thalassa guessed that would change after Timber.

The Almaj man was gesticulating at them as he sang sonorously, willing the western couple to join in.

'I don't know the words!' Sophia said coyly, then smiled at Thalassa. 'Good morning, babe! Hyne, we could hardly sleep with the excitement!'

'Me, neither,' Thalassa lied. Well, a half truth. Before either of them could ask her how she was, Thalassa rolled her shoulders and said, 'I'm gonna go for a big stroll now, take a look at some of the ruins. Seeing as we're all gonna be out on our arses, feasting and drinking, for most of the day.'

In reality, Thalassa wanted to get out of sight and summon Leviathan, so that he could spirit her far away. She had the half-plan of riding along the shoreline to Lenown Forest, as she had not been there since she first met Carbuncle, and would kill for the solitude before anyone from Battleship Island saw her. Especially the Children of Fate.

'Good luck with that,' Kaleb warned. 'The whole harbour is in a sorry state, cracks and holes everywhere! It's the same with every street in the city, and there are deep chasms all over!'

'I'm not blind, Kaleb,' Thalassa replied. 'You're the one already knocking back the gin. Just make sure you don't fall in anywhere!'

Kaleb did not dare bite. She swivelled and started down harbour, in the opposite direction of Battleship Island.

'Wait up, Lassa!' Sophia called jovially after her. 'We'll come with!'

Thalassa almost groaned. I knew it, she thought, with a resigned sigh.