It's now the year 2008. It's been 2 years and I haven't heard from my bondmate, Skywarp or from my twin boys, Skycracker and Skystreaker. I kept sending emails to them, but I haven't gotten a reply back from any of the emails. I'm beginning to wonder if...no, I can't think something like that. He loves me. So do my kids. But still,...My mind keeps wondering if TC even told him what had happened. Probably not.
During the 2 years, Ratchet and I have been dating. A few years after Prime had told him that I was a spy for the Autobots, he apologized for being rude to me, then he smacked the back of my head for getting my right shoulder shot. I told him it wasn't my fault. And it wasn't. Ironhide had shot me with his stupid "water gun". That fraggin' liquid nitrogen he always seems to be using. It really made a mess of my shoulder joint.
That night, after I had talked with Sunny, Ratchet and I cuddled up in his bed and just read. I wanted to finish that novel he let me borrow. And I had a novel of my own that I let him borrow. It was one of my favorites, too.
I had put my book down and had Ratchet do the same. "Is something wrong, Wolf? You sound depressed about something", said Ratchet.
"You're very observant, Ratch. Actually, something is buggin' me. I'm just not if you can help", I said.
"I can help with just about anything, my love", Ratchet said.
"I don't think a computer is going to help with this", I said.
"Then I know someone who can help you. I'll make an appointment for you to see Smokescreen tomorrow morning. He's our resident therapist. He's very good at what he does. Would you like me to set up an appointment for you?", asked Ratchet.
"If you want", I said, shrugging my shoulders.
Ratchet didn't like this whole idea of me being depressed and not being able to help. He got up and headed for his door. "I'll be back shortly. I'm going to my office and schedule an appointment for you. In the meantime, why don't you try and get some sleep", Ratchet said.
"Ok", I said. Then I laid down.
After Ratchet left his room, he headed for Prime's office before heading for his. "I feel so helpless. I wish she'd tell me what's wrong with her", Ratchet said to himself, as he arrived at Prime's office door. Ratchet knocked on Prime's door. He was half expecting Prime to be in there, but at the same time he expected him to be off at this time of night.
"Enter", Prime said. Then the office door slid open and Ratchet walked in. Prime was typing something on his laptop when Ratchet walked in.
He looked up from his typing. "May I help you, Ratchet?", Prime asked.
"I need to talk to you about Wolf", said Ratchet.
"Give me a minute, Ratchet. I was just finishing up on this last report that came in earlier today", said Optimus.
"I didn't mean to bother you, Prime. I can come back in the morning", Ratchet said.
"Absolutely not! If you're that worried about Wolf, then we're going to talk about this. Have a seat. I'm just about done", Prime said.
2 minutes later, Prime had shut down his laptop, then he let it slide into a secret compartment in his desk.
"Alright, Ratchet. You have my full and undivided attention now. Why are you so worried about Wolf? Are you 2 having relationship problems?", asked Optimus.
"I'm not sure what's going on with her, Prime. She won't tell me what's wrong. She's been depressed ever since she came back a little over 2 yrs. ago. I'm doing everything I can think of to help her, but she's not letting me. I told her that I was going to schedule an appointment for her to see Smokescreen in the morning. I haven't made that appointment yet, cause I came to see if you could possibly talk to her", said Ratchet.
"And what would you like me to say to her, Ratchet?", Prime asked.
"You're her best friend. You figure it out", Ratchet said. Then he sighed.
"I'm sorry for snapping, Prime. I'm worried about her and tired. I'll stop by tomorrow morning. I just hope to Primus that you have better luck than I am. Good night, Prime", said Ratchet.
"Good night, Ratchet. I'll talk to her before I come to my office", said Optimus.
"Thank you, Prime. That means a lot to me", Ratchet said.
"You're welcome, Ratchet. Now, go get some sleep", Prime said.
Ratchet nodded then left Prime's office.
When Ratchet walked back into his room, he noticed that I was gone. The only thing that was left was a note for him. He opened it and started reading it.
"Ratchet-
I'm sorry I left without telling you, but I had to leave. It was nothing you did. It's me. I have decided to go looking for my bondmate and twin boys. I don't know when I'll be back. So, in the meantime, could you try to keep Sunny out of trouble, please? Tell him I'll email him when I can. Maybe I'll see ya around sometime. Take care.
Sincerely,
Wolf"
Ratchet couldn't believe that I had a bondmate. Or even kids. He was shocked. "Why didn't she just tell me when I asked her what was wrong?", Ratchet asked himself. Ratchet immediately buzzed Prime in his office. He was hoping that Prime hadn't left his office yet.
Prime was just about to leave his office, when his comm. link went off. "Yes Ratchet", Optimus said.
"Are you still in your office, sir?", asked Ratchet.
"I was just about to call it a night, why?", Prime replied.
"I have something you should read. And it can't wait 'til morning", Ratchet said.
Prime sighed. He was tired and wanted to get some recharge time before it got too late.
"Alright, Ratchet. Bring it in and I'll look at it in the morning", said Optimus.
"Yes sir", said Ratchet. Then he cut the link.
When he reached Prime's office, he walked in and handed Prime the note. "Thank you, Ratchet. Like I said, I'll look at it tomorrow morning", Prime said. Ratchet nodded then left Prime's office...again.
Meanwhile on Cybertron, I was looking for Skywarp and my twin boys. I had heard laughing in the distance. I was wondering who it was and hoping that it was my bondmate and boys.
When the figures got closer, I noticed that there were 4 figures walking towards me. It was, in fact, my bondmate and boys along with a femme. It looked like Skywarp was telling her a joke and she was laughing. So were my boys.
As they got closer, I noticed that she was very beautiful. She had a beast mode of some sort. In her bipedal mode, she was purple and silver with Jade colored optics. I looked down at my body. I was red and black, like Sideswipe, but I also had ice blue flames. But I had Emerald green optics.
I watched all 4 of them walk right by me without even giving me a glance. I couldn't believe that Skywarp didn't even notice me standing there. What made it even worse, is that my boys didn't even notice me, either. My spark was broken. I didn't have a family any more. I had no reason to live. 'Maybe I should hand myself over to Megatron. Let him do with me as he pleases', I thought to myself.
"I hope you're happy with your new girlfriend, Skywarp. I love you, boys. Be good", I said quietly to myself. Then I turned around and started to walk back to Decepticon HQ in Polyhex.
When I returned to Earth, I sat down next to the space bridge. I couldn't believe that Skywarp had already found someone new. But, I guess that's what I get for leaving the Decepticons and betraying Megatron. Even though I wasn't really a Decepticon, I still betrayed Megatron. Now I'm paying the price.
I looked down at my Autobot insignia. I didn't deserve to be an Autobot any more. Just about everyone at Autobot HQ hates me, anyway. Jazz is still holding a grudge cause I shot his best friend, Blaster. I didn't know that I still had live rounds in my rifle. I thought I had unloaded them and put blanks in. Even Prowl won't talk to me, unless he has to. And Sideswipe. Hell. I can't even get him to even look at me, let alone say hi. Only a few Autobots will talk to me. Sunny, Optimus and maybe Ratchet. I should have turned down the mission. Especially, since everyone is ignoring me like I have some kind of rust plague.
While I was sitting by the space bridge, my comm. link went off. I looked to see who it was that was buzzing me. I had caller ID on my comm. link, too. An add on that I did. I wasn't surprised to see that it was Prime calling me.
"What do you want, Prime? Am I not allowed to wallow in self pity in peace?", I asked.
"Self pity? What happened on Cybertron?", Prime replied.
"I don't wanna talk about it. I just wanna be left alone", I said.
"Not until you tell me what happened. I want you to come back to the base so we can talk this out. Primus Wolf, Ratchet's worried about you. So am I. And so is Sunstreaker. He told me that you went to Cybertron to look for Skywarp and your kids. I'm glad that he told me. Otherwise, Ratchet and I wouldn't have known where you went", said Optimus.
"Sunny has a big mouth. And I'm going to shut it", I said.
Prime was surprised that I would talk that way about my adopted brother. "I'm surprised at you, Wolf. I would expect Sideswipe to say something like that. Not you", Prime said.
I sighed. "I'm sorry, Prime. No one there wants me around. It's probably better if I just stay away from there", I said sadly.
"Why don't I come and get you. We can either talk when I get there or we can talk when we get back to base. Your choice", said Optimus.
"I don't really care", I said.
"Wolf, I'm not liking this. I'm coming to get you right now. Prime out", he said. Then I shut my comm. off.
While Prime was on his way to get me, I had pulled out an energon knife. I never thought I'd see the day when I would try and take my own life. Then again, I've been depressed, so it wouldn't surprise me or anyone else. Anyone who cares, any way.
I looked down at the knife, then looked at my right forearm. Contemplating it. 'Why am I holding back? My family left me. I have no reason to live any more', I thought to myself, as I put the tip of the knife just below the bend between my upper arm and forearm.
I brought up the blade, then thrust it into my arm and continued 'til I reached my hand. I watched the energon flow out of my arm. Then did the same thing to my other arm.
I started to feel light headed, then blacked out. I fell to the ground and energon still pouring out of my arms. I was hoping that by the time Prime had reached me, I would already be dead.
I felt my body lifting into the air. I had a feeling that Prime had found me. I heard him say something into his comm., but I couldn't make out what he was saying. Maybe I should have tried for my spark instead. It would have been quick and painless.
When Prime return to Autobot HQ with me, Ratchet was waiting outside. He looked at me with sad optics. Then he looked at Prime. Without a spoken word between them, Prime had an idea of what Ratchet was going to say. "I'll set up that appointment with Smokescreen for her, Ratchet. She's a danger to herself and others around her. I'm taking her off of active duty indefinitely and stripping her of both her positions. At least until she can get help. I hate to do this to you Ratchet, but...", Prime said. Ratchet shook his head.
"I understand, Prime. It's probably for the best, any way. It just breaks my spark to see that she even tried to take her own life. I knew she was depressed, but I didn't think she would go this far. Sunstreaker is going to blow a fuse when he finds out. He's very protective of her. He's going to think I drove her to suicide", Ratchet said.
Meanwhile in med bay, Ratchet was telling Wheeljack what I had tried to do. "I didn't think she was capable of that. Guess I was wrong. Don't you worry, Ratchet. I'll help you get her back on her feet. I know how much she means to you", Jack said.
"Thanks, Jack. We can't let Sunstreaker know about this. He'll blame me for her trying to commit suicide", said Ratchet.
Back on Cybertron, the twins, Skycracker and Skystreaker, both felt something in their sparks. They looked at each other. They had fear in their optics. "You don't suppose...?", Skycracker asked, not even wanting to finish the sentence.
"I wouldn't be surprised, bro", Skystreaker said.
"Should we tell dad?", asked Skycracker.
Skystreaker nodded then they headed for home to tell their father about what they felt in their sparks.
When they got back home, Skywarp was just heading out for a while. "Did you 2 have fun while you were out?", asked Skywarp. Then he noticed the looks on his sons' faces.
"What's wrong? You 2 look like you just lost your mother", Skywarp said.
"I think we might be, dad. We felt something in our sparks a while ago. It was like mom was trying to tell us something. Dad, we have to go back to Earth. We have to find out what's going on with mom", Skycracker said.
When they got back to Earth, Skywarp told TC to get a hold of the Autobot Twins. "Let them know that we're coming in peace. And to tell Prime that my boys want to know what's going on with their mother. Got all that, TC?", asked Skywarp.
"Got it, 'Warp. Let's just hope Prime will let us in", TC said.
"If we're coming in peace, I'm sure he will. I'm not involved in the war any more cause of my boys. And dad knows it, too. I might just ask Prime if I can join the Autobots just so my boys and I can be closer to Wolf. Did you know that mom was neutral when she met dad?", Skywarp asked.
TC looked at him in total shock. "I thought she was dead? When'd you see her?", replied TC.
"Earlier today. I was showing my boys around Cybertron, and we ran into her. She hasn't changed, TC. She's still beautiful as ever. I can't wait to tell dad that mom is still alive. He'll be so happy to hear it", said Skywarp.
"I'm sure he will. I still can't believe it, myself. I thought she was dead all this time", TC said.
Back at Autobot HQ, after Prime had rushed me to med bay, Ratchet had just walked out of his office with a data pad in his hand. He was looking over some information that Wheeljack gave him. He also had a cup of hot energon. (Gotta love that energon, hot or cold).
Ratchet looked up from the data pad and saw Prime laying me down on the medical berth. He dropped both the data pad and his cup of hot energon. He rushed to the berth and immediately assessed the damage. "What in Primus' name happened to her, Prime? Was she attacked by Decepticons?", Ratchet asked, as he started hooking me up to the life support machine.
"No, Ratchet. She attempted suicide. I managed to stop what I could, but she's lost a lot of energon. Her life force is very weak. Did she mention anything to you about being depressed?", asked Optimus.
"Yes, she did. But there were no signs of her even thinking suicide. Where did you find her?", Ratchet replied.
"By the space bridge. I found her like that. It saddens me to see her like this. I can't have this kind of thing going on. If word got out about this, then I'm held accountable if she dies", Prime said.
Then he got mad and punched the closest thing to him. It just happened to be the empty medical berth behind him. He swore in more than one language. He was that pissed. Ratchet had to calm him down, then asked why he was so upset.
After he calmed down, he told Ratchet why was upset. "I understand she's your best friend, Prime. But throwing a temper tantrum isn't going to help repair her. This is not befitting of you, Prime. Even when I had brought Ironhide back from the brink of death, you never got this mad. What does she really mean to you, Prime?", asked Ratchet.
"If you're implying that I'm going to ask her out, then you're mistaken. I know she's with you. I have no intentions of getting in the middle. Sighs She reminds me of Elita in a lot of ways. But she's also like a sister to me. I can talk to her about anything, and she helps me sort out my problems. I guess being around her is good for me. I have a clear head by the time we're done talking", said Optimus.
"So, what you're saying is that she's therapeutic, correct?", Ratchet said.
"I suppose I am", Prime said.
"That's good. I've been trying to get you to relax for quite sometime. The answer to your relaxing problem is laying here, dying. Get Wheeljack in here. I'm going to need his help if she is to survive. I'll let you know what the outcome is, ok?", said Ratchet.
"Thank you, Ratchet. And I apologize for the temper tantrum. You were right. It's not befitting of me. I'll send Wheeljack in right away. I'll be in my office, finishing up the pile of work I never finished", said Optimus. Then he left med bay to get Wheeljack.
While Ratchet was waiting for Wheeljack, he looked over the scar on my arms. "Why would you do something like this? Why didn't you come to me for help?", Ratchet asked. He knew I wouldn't be able to answer, but he asked anyway.
He also decided to call Sunny in to help, as well. He walked over to the wall and pushed the intercom button. "Sunstreaker, would you please come to med bay. And make sure Wheeljack is on his way", Ratchet said. Then he went back to my side.
10 minutes later, both Sunstreaker and Wheeljack walked in. "So, what's the big emergency, Ratchet?", Wheeljack asked.
Sunny just about dropped to his knees when he saw who was laying on the medical berth. "Please say that's not who I think it is", Sunny said.
"I'm afraid it is. Prime found her like this. She tried to commit suicide after she came back from Cybertron", said Ratchet.
"I just got an email from TC before you called me in. It seems that him, Skywarp and his kids are on their way to see her. I told Sides to email him back and let him know that it was cool to come on by. I had no idea that she was even back and like this. I'm sorry, Ratchet. I can't help you. With her being my adopted sister,...well, I'm sure you understand", said Sunny.
Ratchet nodded. "Yes, I do understand, Sunstreaker. Why don't you go tell Prime that Tundercracker, Skywarp and his kids are coming by to see Wolf. And in the meantime, Wheeljack and I will do what we can to keep her alive", Ratchet said.
"Thanks, Ratchet. I don't want Sides or Jazz knowing about this yet", Sunny said.
"Not a problem, Sunstreaker. Go on. Get out of here", said Ratchet.
After Sunny left med bay, Wheeljack and Ratchet started working on me. "Why would she try this, Ratchet? She didn't look like the type to even think about it, let alone actually do it", Jack said.
"I don't understand it, either, Jack. I knew she was depressed, but...to do this? The only woman I fall in love with, ends up on my repair table, dying. I can see why Sunstreaker refused to help. Let's just get her patched up for now", Ratchet said.
After they were done, Ratchet unspaced a little box. In that box was a ring. He opened it and stared at the 2 carat diamond that was set in the middle. Wheeljack noticed the ring in the box.
"WOW! That's a pretty big diamond, Ratch", said Jack.
"Yeah, it is. I was going to propose to her next week. I was hoping to take some time off towards the end of the week. I was also hoping that nothing would ruin the weekend for us, but...", said Ratchet.
Wheeljack walked around and put his hand on Ratchet's shoulder. "She'll be back online in no time, Ratch. You're good at what you do. Don't give up on her. Don't let this stop you from spending the rest of your life with her. Let love be your strength, not your weakness", Jack said.
Ratchet looked at Wheeljack. He had energon tears running down his face. Wheeljack handed Ratchet a rag. "I don't think she would want to see you like this, Ratch. This is not your fault. Come on, I'll buy you a drink down in the rec. room", said Jack, as Ratchet wiped his face with the rag. Then he smiled a bit.
"Thanks, Jack, but I think I'll head to my room. I need to be alone for right now", Ratchet said.
"Ok, Ratch. But I'm going to stop by later to check on you. You're my best friend. I don't want you to end up like she did", Jack said.
Ratchet looked at him. "Don't insult me, Wheeljack. I can't believe you would think something like that. Especially, thinking I would pull something like that. Do I look suicidal to you or something?", asked Ratchet, who was pissed.