GWTPT 18
AN: * Trigger warning - mentions of non-con. *
{ 18 }
The next several days passed by quickly and were, thankfully, uneventful. Before I knew it, it was Friday again.
Quidditch practice was tough, but the team was looking better. We ran drills even though the rain was pelting through our practice gear. The first game would be in a few short weeks, so we couldn't afford to let up.
When the rest of the team went to the locker room, I kept flying, weaving around the pitch at high speed until my muscles screamed for me to stop.
As I set down on the wet grass, a lone figure emerged from the shadows.
My heart skipped a beat. My breath caught in my throat. I reached for my wand, only to realize it is in the locker room. I am defenseless. My instincts are telling me to take off again, get as far away as I can.
Then she stepped into the light.
Relief coursed through me as soon as I realized it was Hermione.
"How long have you been standing there?" My tone was a little more accusatory than it should have been. Maybe.
She raised her brow and her footsteps faltered.
"Just as your practice was ending. About twenty five minutes?" She took a deep breath.
I ran my hand through my hair and tried to calm my beating heart. Adrenaline still pumped through me at the perceived threat.
"I didn't know anyone was watching." There was an edge to my voice. I heard it. She heard it.
She tilted her head to the side and chewed on her bottom lip. Her arms crossed over her chest defensively and she took a step back.
"I didn't mean to intrude." She cleared her throat and pushed her hair back behind her ears. "That was very impressive flying."
I took another deep breath. My hand rubbed absently against my chest.
"You aren't intruding." I told her. "You just startled me. That's all."
"Oh. I didn't mean to." She blinked quickly and ducked her head to her chest.
"Did you want to go for a ride?"
Her eyes widened and she choked out a laugh.
"Like that? Gods no!"
I laughed. The last of the tension seeped out of my shoulders.
"I need to take a shower. You can wait in the locker room if you'd like. The rest of the team will be gone by now."
She smiled at me but shook her head side to side.
"That's alright. I'll wait out here."
I was peeling my clothes off before I even contemplated how odd it was that she would sit in the rain and watch me flying in the dark for nearly half an hour.
I was standing under the hot spray of the shower when I remembered she had her session with Edinfield before dinner.
My head fell forward and hit the tile wall.
You are a fucking arsehole.
Dammit. I just left her standing out there by herself. I hadn't even recognized the look in her eyes for what it was.
I dressed as fast as I could, barely taking time to comb through my hair with my fingers, not even looking in the mirror as I grabbed my bag and rushed out the door.
She was still there. Sitting on the bench outside the locker room, smoking a cigarette and watching the rain fall onto the pitch.
My steps faltered as I took in the sight of her. She was wearing dark jeans and a cream sweater that was loose and well worn. One side fell off of her shoulder, revealing the top of her tattoo. Her hair was loose and wavy. The wind blew through, revealing streaks of red beneath the black coloring.
She sat with her knees pulled up in front of her, hugging them tightly to her chest. I watched as she finished off the cigarette and put it out. Then she turned her head towards me.
Her eyes widened when she saw me standing there and her lip curled up on one side.
I closed the distance between us and sat beside her. Like a moth to a flame.
"Malfoy." She smirked as she reached up and ran her hand through my hair. "You're all tousled."
Her lips met mine in a heated kiss before I could respond.
Merlin and Salazar.
My mind went completely blank. There was nothing but her sweet chocolate taste, her strawberry scent and her body pressed against mine.
My hand spread across her back, holding her close. My other hand landed on her thigh, right above her knee.
Her hands were tangled in my hair. Her nails scraped against my scalp.
My hand slid further up her thigh. My fingers inched closer and closer to her arse.
"Draco." She gasped my name as her head fell back.
"Hmm." My lips trailed across her chin and down her neck towards her exposed shoulder.
"Draco…we should…probably stop…now."
It took me a few seconds to register what she was saying. As soon as I did, my hand lifted away from her thigh. Reluctantly I pulled back and pressed my forehead against hers.
"Too much?" I asked, even though I knew the answer.
"No," she breathed with a shaky laugh. "Not nearly enough."
My eyes searched hers. I moved in for another round and she stopped me with a hand to my chest.
"Just, not here." Her eyes sparkled even as they darted around to the empty quidditch pitch.
Where we are sitting is fairly secluded. We are protected from the rain and hidden in shadows from all of the spectator seating. Still, anyone could walk in and see us.
"Right." I released a deep sigh. "I'm going to need a minute."
She rested her cheek against my chest and I held her close as our breathing slowly returned to normal.
Several minutes passed. I listened to the rain and rubbed her back in circles that seemed to calm both of us. I was just about to suggest we go when she cleared her throat.
"I don't want to be alone tonight." Her voice was barely above a whisper.
Ice ran through my veins at her admission. The temporary distraction was gone. We were back to the reason she had come in the first place.
"You don't have to be."
The rain continued to fall. The wind was picking up speed. And in the distance, lightning flickered on the horizon.
Together, we made our way quickly to the castle and started up the stairs. We both knew we were headed to the third floor. Even the castle knew. As soon as we stepped on the staircase from the second floor, it began to swing around towards our stop.
Once we were in the sitting room, I started a fire and Hermione prepared us each mugs of hot chocolate. We sat together on the couch and listened to the storm.
After some time in awkward silence, she sighed deeply and stood. She paced over to the window and stared out.
I waited until she finally broke the silence.
"What's your happiest childhood memory?"
I choked on my hot chocolate. The question was random and there is no good answer.
"Should be an easy question to answer, right?" She turned and stared at me.
"For some people, maybe." I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. "I did not exactly have a happy childhood."
She tilted her head to one side before nodding once.
"Neither did I." She folded her arms over her chest. Her gaze did not land on me. Instead, she stared at the wall behind me. I could tell she wasn't seeing it, either. She was a million miles away.
"What was it like?" I cleared my throat. My ears burned at asking such a stupid question. Still, I wanted to know. I needed to know. "To grow up without knowing magic?"
She ran her hand through her hair. Lightning flashed in the window behind her.
"I never really thought about it." She sat down in the chair beside me. "I didn't know that magic existed, so I didn't know I was missing out on anything. At least, until I started to show signs of accidental magic."
She curled up in her chair and twirled a lock of hair around her fingers.
"I thought there was something terribly wrong with me. I would tell my mother or father the things that happened and they would share this look between them." She shook her head from side to side and wiped at her eyes. "They even took me to a psychologist. A muggle mind healer. They thought I was crazy. She thought I had an overactive imagination brought on by too many books and not enough friends."
She chewed on her lip. Her eyes glazed over as she remembered something from her childhood. A lone tear slipped from her eye and made its way slowly down her cheek.
"Sometimes, I wish she had been right."
Her soft admission sent a pang of grief flooding through my heart.
"Hell, maybe they were. Maybe I am crazy and all of this is just a fantasy world inside my head." She threw her head back and stared at the ceiling. "My own personal Hell. A nightmare that won't end."
I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. My hand found hers. I tugged gently until she moved from the chair to sit across my lap on the couch.
"I am as real as you are." I slid my hands through her hair, cupping her face, and stared into her eyes, searching them.
"You can't prove that." Her lip tilted up on one side in a small smirk.
"Would you really classify this as a nightmare?" My thumb caressed her cheek. My eyes darted to her lips. Her tongue darted out quickly.
"It has its moments." She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine.
I kissed her slowly, savoring the feel of her lips moving against my own.
She pulled away far too soon and curled up next to me with her head on my shoulder.
The wind outside the windows howled as the storm picked up momentum. Hail pelted the windows. Despite the fire, a chill had settled in the room.
"The first time I saw the castle, I was mesmerized. It was so magical. But, each year has just brought me more danger. More peril." She clenched her hand into a fist for several seconds before relaxing it and releasing a deep breath. "Yes, Draco. I would say that Hogwarts is a place of nightmares. One after another after another."
"It hasn't all been bad, has it?" I had rather enjoyed most of my time at Hogwarts. Or maybe I just preferred to be here rather than at the Manor.
She huffed and wiped at her eyes.
"Well, let's see. First year I was attacked by a troll in the bathroom, nearly eaten by a three headed dog, encased in devil's snare and forced to be a part of a chess game that was literally life or death."
Wait. What? I didn't know about any of that.
"Second year I was petrified by a basilisk."
Right. There was that.
"Third year, I was chased through the forbidden forest by a werewolf and dementors."
Lupin. Had to be. I remember hearing something about that.
t
"Fourth year. Hmm. What happened during fourth year? Oh, right. The Triwizard Tournament. I was chained to the bottom of the black lake for hours."
She was also the most beautiful girl at the ball that year. Not just my opinion.
"Fifth year?" I wasn't sure I wanted to know. That was the year Umbridge had taken over the school. I was a party to doing everything I could to make her and her friends miserable that year.
Her hand drifted to her stomach.
"Fifth year we were tricked into going to the Department of Mysteries. We were ambushed by Death Eaters." She started to tremble against me. "One of them cursed me. And left me for dead."
I squeezed my eyes shut. Yes, I had heard about that mission. The one my Father failed and landed in Azkaban. The reason I had been forced to take the mark.
She had been there.
Merlin, I hope it wasn't my Father that cursed her.
I didn't ask. I'm not sure I want to know.
"Sixth year." She took a deep, shaky breath.
Sixth year I was busy trying to complete my task and stay alive. I was not paying much attention to anything else. I don't recall her being in direct danger that year.
The way she was acting would indicate something very bad had happened. Tears streamed down her face. Her hand rubbed against her chest. She shivered against me.
"Hermione?" My voice was laced with concern. Her eyes stared blankly ahead, lost in a memory that was still traumatizing.
"I didn't know there was any danger." I barely heard her. Her voice was quieter than a whisper. "He came out of the shadows behind me."
It took me a moment to register what she had said.
An even longer moment to understand.
My stomach dropped.
Who? When? What happened?
All questions that I should ask, but I didn't have to. Because suddenly, I knew.
Sixth year. He was here that night. He came through the vanishing cabinet with the others.
My heart froze in my chest.
My breath caught in my throat.
A shiver worked its way down my spine.
Oh…fuck. No!
My stomach churned.
"Are you saying…that happened here? At Hogwarts?" My voice was no louder than hers. Fear mixed with horror filled every ounce of my heart. Fear that she would confirm my suspicion. Horror because she didn't have to.
She sat up quickly and looked at me with wide, horrified eyes.
"I…I thought you knew that?"
Fuck!
"You said that he told you…"
I stood quickly.
"I just assumed it was when you were captured, before they brought you to the Manor." I couldn't breathe. A vice had gripped my heart and was squeezing it.
"Draco!" She jumped to her feet and reached for me just as I collapsed to my knees.
"My…fault…" I gasped out between uneven breaths.
She was saying something. I don't know what. It was muffled. Roaring in my ears prevented me from hearing her.
I tried to breathe, but it was impossible. The weight on my chest was too heavy. The guilt pressed down on me, robbing my body of oxygen. My vision faded around the edges. The last thing I saw was Hermione. Her eyes were wide. She looked like she was scared.
She should be scared.
I'm a monster.
I can't fucking breathe.
Her hands settled on my face. They felt cool against my heated skin. I tried to pull away. Instead, I found myself leaning into her touch.
Through the haze in my mind. Through the pounding in my ears. Through the pain in my chest. I heard her voice.
"Breathe, Draco."
I took a gasping breath. It was shallow, but all I could manage.
"That's it. Again."
Why is she holding me? Why is she with me at all?
Another breath.
"It's my fault." I could barely manage a whisper. "I let them in. He was here because of me."
She would pull away now. She would walk out that door and never look back. She would realize I had ruined her whole life.
Except, she didn't pull away. If anything, she held me a little tighter.
"Just breathe, Draco."
Why doesn't she hate me right now? Why is she still here?
"Stop. Don't." I pushed her away and scrambled backwards.
She fell back, landing hard on her arse. A gasp, almost a small scream left her lips as she fell.
I was torn. Help her up? Or get the fuck out of there?
My eyes darted around the room.
Neither one of us moved.
Finally, after several heartbeats, I pushed myself up to my knees, then to my feet. I took two steps towards her and held my hand out to help her up.
Her hand was shaking when it clasped around mine. I pulled her to her feet. I expected her to be hurt, upset even, now that she knew the truth. Instead, her eyes flashed with anger.
She crossed her arms over her chest and popped her hip out to one side.
"Don't you dare try to take on that responsibility, Malfoy." She seethed. " You did not assault me. You did not force yourself on me. You did not steal my virginity. Those were his actions. Not yours."
I turned around and paced across the room.
"I never should have fixed that damn cabinet." I ran my hands through my hair and gripped it tightly. My head was pounding. My stomach churned. My chest hurt with every breath that I forced into my lungs. "He never should have been here!"
"And I shouldn't have been wandering around the castle after curfew." She shouted in response. "If I had been back in the dorms like I was supposed to be… fuck!"
"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You cannot possibly be blaming yourself?"
"Why not?" She threw her hands in the air in frustration and yelled right back at me. "You are."
We glared at each other from across the room.
"What about you, Draco?" She was still glaring at me. She had her hip popped out again and angry tears streamed down her face.
"What about me?" I returned her glare. Anger was pulsing in my veins. Anger at myself for contributing to her assault. Anger at the evil bastard that hurt her. Anger at her for not blaming me.
"We are talking about this now, right? I told you when he got to me. What about you?"
I blinked quickly against the images that flooded my mind.
"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"
Why would she want to know that?
She didn't answer. Just lifted one brow and waited.
I released a shaky breath.
"At the Manor. In my Father's study. After the three of you escaped."
I can still hear his voice inside my head.
I was looking forward to a repeat performance. You'll make a fine consolation prize.
She stumbled backwards. The movement caught my attention. I focused on her. The anger was gone. In its place was shock. Horror. Her eyes were wide. Her skin was pale.
Merlin and Salazar. Did I say that out loud?
"He wanted me." She whispered it harshly. "He told me when we were captured. Whispered it in my ear. A repeat performance. That's exactly what he said. I knew it was coming. When he couldn't get to me…"
"That isn't on you." I crossed back over to stand in front of her.
"I should have taken you with us." She turned and paced away. "I saw it in your eyes that you didn't want to be there. You were just as much a prisoner there as we were."
Her eyes were a million miles away. She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, holding herself together.
"Hermione, you couldn't have rescued me from that place."
She knows that, right?
"I should have tried!" She sat heavily on the couch and dropped her head in her hands. "I just left you there!"
My hands itched to hold her. I sat next to her.
"Look at me." I tilted her chin up and wiped the tears from her cheeks. "We both know that I would not have gone with you. Not willingly."
We sat there in dead silence for what felt like a very long time.
"What he did to you is as much my fault as what he did to me is yours." She finally said clearly. My eyes met hers before she continued. "We were both victims of the same evil man. It is not your fault. It is not my fault."
It was the strength of her words, the conviction in her voice, that sparked that now familiar warmth in my heart.
I don't know what she saw at that moment. Whatever it was, she surged forward. Her arms wrapped around me and she held on tight. Her tears fell, soaking my shirt. I held her in return, inhaled deeply.
Something inside of me snapped. I gripped her a little harder as tears flowed unhindered from my eyes and hers. For the first time, I let myself cry, let myself mourn for not only her loss, but my own as well.
We held each other, comforted each other as we came to terms with what had happened. The roles that we had each played.
Guilt still weighed heavily on my heart, but somewhere along the way the grip relaxed enough that I could breathe again.
"Draco?" Her voice was soft. She sighed and pushed away slowly. Her red-rimmed eyes met mine.
She was beyond exhausted. So was I.
"I'm sorry I pushed you away earlier. Are you hurt?"
Her lip tilted up on one side.
"I'm fine. Exhausted, but…good?"
I huffed out a short laugh.
"That sounded like a question."
"It did, didn't it?" She smiled. She rubbed away the tears from her face and stood. She stretched her arms up over her head. Her shirt lifted just enough to reveal creamy skin above her jeans.
While she excused herself to go to the bathroom, I quickly wiped my own face clear of the salty moisture that remained there. Then I dropped my head into my hands and forced several deep breaths.
I stood by the window and watched the storm outside while I waited for her to come back out. It was odd. Despite everything, I felt like a bit of the hurt had been healed. I felt like I had been able to forgive myself, even if just a little bit. It was still a start.
"Is it letting up at all?"
I turned to see her standing right behind me. Her hair was damp from the shower and she had changed into black sweats and a gray t-shirt.
"If anything, it's getting worse."
She stepped up to the window next to me and looked out at the torrential rain that was beating against the castle. My hand slid around her waist and tugged her closer. She leaned her head against my shoulder and sighed.
"Are you alright?" I asked her quietly.
"I will be." She turned to look at me and smiled softly. "How about you?"
"Yeah. Me too." I leaned down and kissed her forehead.
In the bathroom, I washed off my face and changed into pajamas that nearly matched hers, black flannel pants and a gray long sleeve shirt. When I came back out, she was no longer in the sitting room.
I found her in the bedroom, staring out the door to the balcony. The rain was pelting the glass. There was no way to sit out there without getting drenched.
I cleared my throat so she would know I was there. She turned around. It might have been my imagination, but I think her shoulders relaxed a little when she saw me.
"I can sleep on the couch again." I didn't want to make her uncomfortable.
She tilted her head to the side and raised one eyebrow.
"If that's what you would prefer to do?" She sounded a little unsure. Her eyes blinked twice and she cleared her throat. "I would rather you stay in here. With me."
Her cheeks tinged pink and she dipped her chin.
"Are you sure?" I stepped closer and put my hands on her waist. She chewed on her bottom lip.
"I told you, I don't want to be alone tonight." She looked up at me through her eyelashes. Does she know I can't say no to her when she does that?
I stepped back and motioned towards the bed. She took the right side. I took the left.
We laid under the covers, staring at the ceiling. Not touching each other. Stiff as a board. Awkward as hell.
After several minutes, I turned my head to look at her. As if she sensed my gaze, she turned to look at me also. We both smiled.
"You're too far away." I rolled over on my side. My hand settled on her stomach.
She rolled away, then scooted back so she was flush against me. I took a deep breath, inhaling her strawberry and vanilla scent.
"Good night, Granger." I placed a kiss on her shoulder.
"Good night, Malfoy." Her hand settled over mine and squeezed.
This. I could get used to this.
The hallway extended out in front of me. Freshly lit torches illuminated the way.
"What do you think?" I asked. I turned to see Hermione next to me.
She chewed on her lip for a moment. Then she turned to me and smiled.
"Fortune favors the brave." She took my hand and started to walk away.
I tugged just enough that she stopped and turned back.
"Spoken like a true Gryffindor."
She laughed, waited a few seconds, then pulled on my hand until I reluctantly followed.
"Come on, Malfoy. Let's have an adventure."
Of course I followed.
My eyes opened slowly. I became aware of several things all at once. First, I was lying on my back and Hermione was draped across me, snoring softly. Second, the storm had passed, but heavy gray clouds remained. The sun had risen and filtered through the clouds, lighting the room despite the gloom. And third, that was the best night's sleep I can remember having. Possibly ever.
Slowly, carefully, I extracted myself from beneath her. She made this whimpering noise and pulled the blanket tighter around herself.
"Too early," she mumbled.
My lip turned up and a short laugh escaped unbidden. I forgot she isn't a morning person.
Despite her complaint that it was too early, a quick check of the clock showed that it was actually mid morning.
I went to the restroom and relieved myself. In the small kitchen area, I prepared coffee for Hermione and tea for myself.
I went back to the bedroom. Hermione had curled up on her side. She had one foot over top of the blanket and one arm spread across the bed.
I took a moment to just watch her. So beautiful. This view. I could have this view every morning for the rest of my life and never get tired of it.
I shook her shoulder.
"Five more minutes." She rolled over.
I laid next to her. My hand settled on her stomach. Her shirt had ridden up as she rolled around. She sighed softly as my fingers skimmed across bare skin.
I studied her face as I drew small patterns on her skin. Her eyes started to flutter open. My movements stopped as I felt something other than smooth skin. A pronounced ridge. A scar.
I looked down but I couldn't see anything without lifting her shirt. Which, of course, I wouldn't do. When I looked back up, her eyes were open and she was staring at me.
"There she is." My hand settled around her waist and pulled her closer. "Good morning."
She blinked several times.
"I still say it's too early."
"It's after ten." I chuckled. "There is coffee in the other room."
"There's the magic word." She rolled away and stretched out. "Fine. I'm up."
I watched her for another thirty seconds before she finally sat up. Twenty minutes later she was ready to sit down with her coffee. She rummaged around in her bag and presented a small container of dried fruit and nuts.
It wasn't much of a breakfast, but it would do. We ate in relative silence. I suspect it was because she was still half asleep. Regardless, it was nice. It fits.
You want this.
Not just this. Her. Every day. To wake up beside her. Eat meals with her.
Let's have an adventure.
"Are you alright?"
I looked up to see her watching me with an amused look on her face.
"Fine." I cleared my throat. "I'm fine."
She raised her eyebrow and tilted one side of her mouth up in a smirk.
"If you say so." She pushed her plate away and stood. Her eyes finally looked clear, more awake than asleep. She stretched her arms over her head. My eyes drifted to her stomach, where I now knew a sizable scar resided.
She noticed me looking. Her hands dropped to the hem of her shirt. My eyes darted up to hers. She lifted the material up to reveal her stomach, bare except for a thick line that ran from her hip, across her stomach, and it disappeared under her shirt just below her breast.
"Department of Mysteries. Fifth year."
She didn't move as I lifted my hand slowly and drifted my fingers across the scar. It looked the same as mine. I stood and mirrored her actions, lifting my shirt to reveal the scar that ran from just below my arm to the center of my chest.
"Potter. Sixth year." Her fingers drifted across my scar just like I had done.
I suppose this is one more thing we have in common. Matching scars.
Her eyes met mine. Her hands spread out across my chest, then slid around to my back. Skin against skin.
She has to be able to feel my heart racing. I can practically hear it. She looked up at me through her lashes.
"How many times have you been within a hair's breadth of death?" I pushed her hair back from her face and studied her eyes.
"Too many." Her fingers slid across my back, distracting me.
I leaned down and rested my forehead against hers.
"You know, it's a damn miracle that we are both still alive."
"True story." She tilted her head back and kissed me quickly. She pulled back just as fast and rested her cheek against my chest.
"Last night…" She cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "Thank you for staying with me."
"I wish I could stay with you every night."
Fuck. Did I say that out loud?
"Me too," she admitted softly.
I held her a little tighter. I never want to let her go.
I was just thinking about kissing her when a silver buck appeared in the middle of the room.
" Hermione. I don't know where you are hiding this time. I can't find you on the map. But McGonagall is looking for you and Malfoy." Potter's voice filled the room. " She seemed quite agitated."
"Fuck." She sighed. Reluctantly, she stepped away. "Guess that means we should get dressed."
What the hell could the Headmistress want on a Saturday morning? My heart started pounding in my chest.
What if Bones had changed her mind? What if she reported to McGonagall that I was out after curfew? That I hadn't returned to the common room last night?
Merlin and Salazar. What if this is it and I'm headed to Azkaban?
"Draco?" She shook my shoulder gently, pulling me from my thoughts.
I didn't answer her. I did go into the bathroom and dressed in black pants and a white shirt. I smoothed out all the wrinkles and combed my hair to perfection.
When I came back into the sitting room, she had everything packed up and ready to go. She was dressed in blue jeans and a green pullover. She looked at me and smirked to herself.
"What?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't missed anything before I realized she was laughing at me again. My ears burned with embarrassment.
"Nothing." She answered with a short laugh. "It's just, it's like I'm dating two people."
That was fair enough. I crossed the room and stood in front of her. I reached up and wrapped my fingers around a lock of her hair, then I twisted it so I could see the black and the red colors intertwined.
"We both have masks that we wear for everyone else." My eyes met hers. She understood. The version of me that is relaxed, tousled as she called it, is only for her.
"True enough." She released a shaky breath.
My lips covered hers in a short kiss. As much as I wanted to deepen it and snog her senseless, I knew we needed to go.
With a deep breath, I took her hand and we left the small living quarters together.
AN: Hello fabulous readers. Big things happening here. They are opening up to each other more and more, and learning to rely on each other. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.
A transition is coming, so keep reading!
Until next time.
-mezy