Hello loves! So I was hopeful that FF would fix this stat problem, but I don't think that's ever gonna happen anymore... Soooo there's no point waiting (and it gives me anxiety not having finished fics on here too...) So pick your poison! This story is more up-to-date on AO3, but if this is your jam, I get that too!

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns Harry Potter. This author knows Lily is not a good person here, she hopes you know she is not a good person here, this story is not condoning bad behavior, just exploring it, if you are uncomfortable you can always stop reading, I won't mind :) Art work by the super talented windbyfire (insta)

Problematic ~ Twin XL

7th Year

"Isn't it weird that a big component of being in love is choosing to lie unconscious next to each other every night?"

James paused chewing his food with Sirius' random outburst at breakfast Tuesday. It was the morning after Halloween, and truth be told, James' head was still reeling from how he'd woken up — very much alone. "What?"

"You know, sleeping together. Well, actually sleeping sleeping together. Not like fucking."

Remus chuckled. "I swear, Padfoot, you come up with the most ridiculous things."

"It's not ridiculous! How important society dictates that sleeping next to another person to prove that you're in love is. Like, what if I don't like sharing my bed? Does that mean I'm destined to never be in love?"

James' three friends continued the conversation, but he tapped out. Did they have to be talking about this exact topic today of all days?

Why did it hurt so badly that Lily had left his bed in the middle of the night? He couldn't believe a rather large part of him had hoped that she'd still be there come morning. Maybe if she'd stayed they could have talked about what was happening between them. They could have discussed what them having been intimate meant for their future.

Waking up alone after giving up something so private about himself had been brutal. What have I done? James had thought, clutching his head as he swung his legs over the edge of the mattress to the floor of his dorm room. He'd blindly reached for Lily's body when he'd woken up — groggy and confused but in no way able to forget the monumental moment they'd just shared — but she wasn't there.

She'd left.

And all that remained had been an imprint on his pillow and deep swirling feelings of shame.

Did he regret having sex with his sworn enemy? Yes. Well… In theory. It was hard to fully regret something that had felt so damn good in the moment. However, he hadn't just slept with her, he'd also admitted how much he liked her.

"I fancy you like crazy…"

James wanted to smack himself. He'd whispered the words to her like a prayer last night, not even himself knowing just how true it was until he confessed it. You told her. You told her.

James knew Lily — she would never let him forget this. She would use this knowledge against him, twist it, weaponize it, throw it back at him and pierce his heart with it. He'd just given her everything she needed to destroy him. Easily.

He couldn't believe he'd just lost his virginity… to Lily fucking Evans. Fuck. While a tiny part of him was proud, because she was the sexiest, baddest bitch in school, the more sane, less hormone-addled part of his brain bristled with the implication. James ran his fingers through his hair as he continued chewing his stale, flavorless toast. James had seen Lily's spiteful side, her dominating side, her flirty side… but last night she'd given him something he'd never seen. Something that he didn't even know existed before she'd so generously given it to him: Lily's tender side. She'd given him smiles that actually reached her eyes and a softness that he wanted to foster and protect. Would James be arrogant if he believed that perhaps he was the only person who could have elicited such sweetness from an otherwise bitch?

Was he an idiot if he believed he could coax it out of her again?

He just had to speak to her. Which prompted the question: where the fuck was she?

Just as James was craning his neck, trying to scan the entire length of the Slytherin table, Sirius waved his hand in his face. "Hello, earth to Prongs!"

James startled, looking at his best mate. Shit, he so badly wanted to tell him what had happened. They were brothers, they told each other everything… and yet James knew he couldn't tell him this. One, because Lily had told him so, but two, because Sirius would definitely (and rightfully) point out what a colossal mistake James was making.

And maybe James didn't want to hear that; maybe he didn't care. Maybe James knew that what he was doing with Lily could only end in disaster but at the same time he knew he couldn't help it, couldn't stop it. He'd tried to date other girls, tried to deny his feelings for a monster, but the feelings persisted.

James Potter was destined to fall for Lily Evans no matter what she did.

"I said, don't you think it isn't that important?"

"I dunno," James admitted, but his attention was already slipping, because at that very moment, Lily flounced into the Great Hall, looking as beautiful as ever.

"What the fuck are you doing?" James hissed at Lily the next day after he'd just watched her exit a room with Avery. He'd waited until the Slytherin boy was just out of earshot down the hall, and not a second sooner, before accosting her.

James had been a wreck. The more Lily acted like nothing had happened between them, locking herself up in her room by night and completely ignoring him in class by day, the more James felt like a gargantuan dickwad. It was crazy how days felt like lifetimes when he was awaiting her verdict — in this case a show of possibly nonexistent feelings — with bated breath. He'd practically poured his heart out to a cold-hearted harpy who couldn't give less of a shit if she tried, and the realization hurt. The more the news sunk in, the more James tried to tell himself that it didn't matter, because hey, he'd already fucked her, right? And wasn't that the ultimate fuck you?

No… he sighed internally. That would only be true if it meant nothing to you, when it clearly did. He cringed. You also came so embarrassingly fast, so she's probably ignoring you because she thought it was terrible.

James hated everything about this situation.

Lily looked up at his sudden appearance perplexed. "What do you mean what am I doing?" She added in a harsh whisper, "What the fuck are you doing?"

She was right: what was he doing? He was acting insane.

Too bad that's exactly how he felt. "It's been two days. You already needed another fix?" He truly couldn't fight his jealousy when it came to her. He felt obsessed, and her unaffected behavior was only making everything ten times worse.

Lily's eyes bulged before she quickly looked up and down the hall to ensure they were alone. Once satisfied they were, she clutched his wrist and dragged him inside the very abandoned classroom she and Avery had just exited.

"Really? Sloppy seconds in the exact same place?" James said acidly, hating himself for already getting slightly hard at the prospect. He was so addicted to this woman, and it was starting to become a massive problem.

Lily slammed the door closed and then slapped James clean across the face, more than getting his attention. "Stop that," she snarled, pointing her finger at him as James' cheek smarted. "You don't get to slut-shame me when it suits you, or when you're butthurt, or whatever the fuck this is anymore, remember?"

James stared at her, momentarily stunned, only finding himself able to swallow and nod. She was right of course, even if it had felt good to try to humiliate her in the moment.

"Not that it's ever any of your business, but I was not hooking up with Avery." She pointed to the trash, and James saw fresh bloody bandages curled up at the bottom of the can. Of course, it was another healer house call. James wondered if he was so quick to assume the worst because he saw just how much Avery was clearly into Lily.

Possessively into her. Just like you.

"I'm sorry," James whispered, instantly filled with shame.

Lily huffed, crossing her arms as she continued to study him. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"

James shifted uncomfortably, not knowing what to say. Sure, he'd let his emotions get the best of him, but he thought his reasoning wasn't the wildest thing in the world to follow. He'd confessed he fancied her, she was acting like she didn't care, so now he was hurt. It wasn't rocket science. He stuffed a hand in his hair, tugging at his roots. "I thought you were shagging him."

Lily shook her head. "And? So?"

Why was she acting so daft? "Evans, we just slept together…"

Lily huffed. "What? And you think that means that I'm not allowed to fuck anyone else now? You think that means I'm your property or something—"

"No!" James cut her off rapidly. "No, nothing like that."

"Then what?" She was looking at him like she was almost revolted. "I'm allowed to shag whomever I want, Potter."

"I know you are!" he said, fully frustrated.

"Especially if I didn't even come with you."

Ouch. James stood there, staring at her, wondering just what he'd done to deserve this level of malice. Sure, he'd been overly territorial, but did that warrant her ripping him a new one? Was spite her way of reclaiming her independence? Was she being mean as a way to prove to him, and everyone else, that she really didn't need anyone? It sounded like an incredibly lonely way to live. When looking at her began to hurt too much, James walked past her, starting to pace near the teacher's desk. He didn't know what to say, so thrown off-kilter by being so swiftly put in his place. "I'm sorry," he tried, searching for the right words to try to make things better with her. If she was at the point of slapping him, clearly she was upset. "It was my first try — I'll be better next time." I hope.

"You want to fuck again?"

When James startled, looking back at her, he saw her standing there, having turned around to face him, cutely tilting her head as though confused. "Huh?"

She took a step closer to him, uncrossing her arms. "I said, do you want to fuck me again, Potter?"

Was she being bloody serious right now?! "You know the answer to that; don't play dumb." Even if real feelings weren't at play (which of course they were, James was cursed by his crushes), look at her: she was fucking gorgeous. Of course he did.

She continued as she approached, "You tell me I disgust you. You tell me you don't want anything to do with me. You say 'You're so fucked up' and call me a hate hookup and spit in my face that you think having been with me was a bloody mistake. So what do you expect me to believe?"

James was gobsmacked. Had he really said all that? Had he really, honest to Merlin, told this woman all that shit to her face and then slept with her anyway? He was the one who sounded like a monster. No decent human being would treat someone they claimed to care about this way.

"I figured it was a one time fuck, you know, to get me out of your system," she added quietly, and James' heart broke. He never wanted to make a girl feel like this, but hadn't that nearly been word-for-word the thoughts in his own head? He'd thought maybe if he'd had one touch of her, one kiss from her candy-scented lips, it could have been enough.

But it was never enough. It would never be enough when it came to Lily Evans.

"You've already proven you think you're this chivalrous guy even as you tear me down, so I wouldn't put it past you to fuck me and ditch."

James didn't think he'd ever felt worse in his life. Is this really what she thought of him?

"Lily…" he began painfully. "Then why'd you fuck me, if I'm so horrible to you?" Was she just used to that type of behavior? Was the bar so low for the men in her life that he could treat her the worst he'd ever treated anyone and still get away with it? At the same time, she'd told him he was a good man during their hookup. Had that been a lie? James didn't fully realize until now just how much her confession had meant to him.

"Because I could."

He didn't believe her. She'd just so savagely reminded him of all the lies he'd told her to deny his true feelings for her and he suspected now it was her turn. For the first time, she looked vulnerable because of how she felt about him. Did she like him back, at least a little bit? She couldn't be as cold as she pretended to be. She just couldn't. Especially if she'd remembered all the things he'd said to her in the past almost verbatim and was bringing them up now. She had asked him if he liked her during their shag. It had looked as though she liked the answer. She cared.

She's scared, James realized. Call him overly confident all you want, but he was starting to think that Lily liked him back and the notion terrified her. She's pushing you away before you can do the same to her.

"You're not a chicken, Evans. Don't lie."

They stood ramrod still, staring each other down. She licked her lips before smirking. "Fine. Because I wanted to."

If she was trying to make him feel like a worthless, dirty sleaze, it was working. This whole fight was getting them nowhere, so James decided it was time to pivot with the truth. Sure, she was a Slytherin, and being cunning and calculated was in her very blood, but he was a fucking Gryffindor, so he would be brazenly brave even to the point of self-destruction. He had to make it crystal clear to her that they could be in this thing together… if she let them be. "I told you I fancied you."

James wasn't sure, but he thought he heard the exact second all the oxygen was pulled from the room with his confession. Lily's expression changed infinitesimally, as though even she couldn't believe he'd just gone there. Again.

"Yeah," she answered softly before forcing a swallow down her throat. "But we were having sex. Guys will say anything to get their dicks wet. You know that, Potter."

And there it was, her truth: she really, truly didn't trust him. And given everything he'd told her in the past, James couldn't even blame her. He'd always had a nagging feeling that this girl knew more about self-preservation than most, and he was starting to think he'd been so very right in that assessment. "I told you you were special to me." She deserved to hear it again, and not solely because James wanted for this horribly vile way he felt about himself to go away. "Why would I lie about that?"

"I just told you, Potter. Guys will say anything. Besides, maybe you were playing up some fantasy in your head—"

"What? How?"

"I dunno how your brain works!" Lily exclaimed, making James scoff. The feeling was mutual. "Maybe you were role-playing losing your virginity to a girl you actually liked—"

"Lily, that's insane." How paranoid was she?

"Is it?" Lily's brows shot up her forehead.

"Wait," James interjected, remembering something. "You asked me repeatedly if I liked you. Is that your fantasy too? Fucking someone who you've got wrapped so completely around your finger that they'll do anything for you?"

Lily didn't respond to his question, but James thought he saw the corner of her mouth twitch. In the seconds that followed, the thunderous clock on the wall making each one all the more pronounced, James couldn't help but feel like he'd just surrendered a piece of himself to her again. A piece that she'd so desperately needed and relished having. "Okay. So you want to do it again?"

James snorted. She was unbelievable. "Are you still sleeping with other people?"

She looked at him funnily before tilting her head again. James wished she wouldn't; if he couldn't resist her when she was being a cunt, he was even more powerless when she was being cute. "Why?"

"Because… I can't keep sleeping with you if you're with other people."

She was fully smiling now, this time not sweetly but more like a cat cornering its dinner. "Why?"

"What do you mean why. Why do I have to explain it to you?! You know why." James answered flustered as hell.

"And you promise you'll get better if I agree to only be with you? Learn how to last longer for me?" She took a few slow steps towards him and James felt all the hairs on his arms standing at alert. "You'll masturbate beforehand so that you'll stay hard long enough for me to come first?"

She was getting off on James' utter embarrassment, he knew she was. "Yes." She was within arm's reach now and he wanted to pull her in and snog the wicked smile off of her face. "I'll get better."

"You sure?" Lily skimmed her fingers up his forearm to his bicep and James suppressed a shiver as he looked down to her, his body vibrating from within. Her proximity just did something to him.

He wished she'd never stop touching him. "Was I that bad?" James whispered, scared for her answer. He knew he'd come too fast, robbing her of her chance to, but he thought she'd been enjoying herself up until that point. Please, please don't tell me it was all in my head…

Lily paused, her fingers stalling before traveling back south, jumping from his tense hands down to his crotch. James' breath hitched as he felt her nails tracing the outline of his cock, roughly encouraging it to harden further under her touch. "No. I wouldn't consider sleeping with you again unless I saw your potential."

James moaned as her hand got more incessant, tugging on him through his clothes. She had to be an absolute vixen for it to feel as good as it did. "So you see it, eh?" James didn't know if it was from all the blood leaving his brain or because he'd gotten Lily to fondle him again, but suddenly he was feeling very cocky. He leaned into her, nudging her nose with his own as her grip clutched around the head of his cock, giving him a hearty squeeze.

"Calm down," she instructed with a fresh smirk as she removed her hand and went to sit on the edge of the teacher's desk. "Just so you know, I'm always on top."

James decided to ride his high whilst following, rolling his eyes as he stood right in front of her. He wanted to touch her in return so bad, the desire felt like a physical ache deep in his bones, spurring forth all his movements. "Sure you are."

"No, I mean it. I will only ever be on top. Position wise."

There was a long beat. "Every single time?"

"Every time," Lily clarified.

James narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"I just like it."

A horrible thought struck James. "Did something happen to you?" Would that explain her? Could anything explain this enigma seated so temptingly before him?

"No," Lily said dismissively. "Nothing had to have happened to me for that to be my favorite position. I like to be in control, and I like to come. So… if that's what works, then that's what I do."

"Okay…" James began skeptically. "Well then how am I supposed to get better at sex?"

"You will. Just at sex under me."

Could he live with that? James laughed at himself. Of course he could live with that. Being beneath Lily Evans was so much better than never getting to have her at all. James knew love was watercolor, seeping through all the rough edges and creases, painting his whole body with the intensity of it. But obsession was a slash of color, a bold red splatter, hitting whatever segment of him it landed on, not caring, yet accepting anyway — lovesick no matter what. It made no sense but was all-consuming all the same. "I'm good at eating you out though, aren't I? I got you to come from that." Was he seriously trying to convince her to give him another shot at banging her? Is this what his life had been reduced to? Evans was simply so good, so talented at manipulation that he had gone from wanting an apology when he entered this classroom to nearly getting on his hands and knees for another shot at shagging her right. James' head was spinning, and yet he knew it was true: he'd do anything to prove himself again between her thighs.

She eyed him up and down saucily as she slunk her body weight back over her palms, her left knee shaking side to side. "You did."

James' hand caught her fidgeting leg, finally allowing himself to touch her as he stilled her knee before his fingers trailed up her thigh towards the edge of her skirt. He wanted to regain some power in the situation, he wanted to hide just how horrendously this entire situation had him blushing. He'd been a self-confident man before he'd met her, hadn't he? He could channel that energy once more, even if it was currently a lie. "So I can do that again…" His pride soared as Lily tugged her bottom lip in between her teeth, telling him that his charm was working. "… If you want."

Lily's eyes watched his hands as they gently parted her legs, stepping himself in between them, clearly interested in what he was going to do next. "I might want." James grinned smugly as he leaned in to kiss her, his mouth rough as his fingers expertly began opening up her blouse's buttons, intent on worshipping her entire body like a queen today. If Lily doubted his sexual prowess, he knew this hookup was like his tryout, this was his time to shine and convince her that he could be her first string. He needed to get her screaming, needed to get her shaking, so that she would see that he was more than up to the challenge of getting her there.

Lily let out a soft moan as James' kisses trailed down her neck and he pushed her shirt over her shoulders and onto the desk before he quickly snapped open the clasp of her bra and pulled it off. "Fuck, Lily," he whispered, "your tits are so fucking perfect." She moaned louder as she buried her fingers in his hair and tugged him into her chest, occupying his lips with the taste of her rosy nipple. He flicked it with his tongue, celebrating how she sagged further back onto her free palm with his ministrations. He traced the other breast with his fingers before switching his mouth's attention to it. He pulled back slightly, his words tickling her freshly wet flesh. "So fucking bouncy and perky and—"

"I get it," she laughed breathlessly before pulling him in tighter against her once more.

"Do you?" he taunted, raking his teeth against her tender skin before giving her a soothing lick. Her breath hitched again, loving his sour and sweet treatment. "I don't think I'll ever get over them." He kissed the underside of her left breast before kissing lower, over her flat stomach as he sunk down to his knees, pushing up her skirt. "You wore knickers today," he announced amused when he made the discovery.

"There are a lot of staircases in the castle, Potter."

"Hm," he agreed, barely registering the meaning of her words as his fingers hooked around the edge of the baby blue fabric and he began tugging it down her thighs, over her knees, and letting gravity do the rest. Shit. "Fuck, Lily. I love the way your pussy smells."

Suddenly the room's ticking clock was all James could hear again as all his blood rushed to his face, staining his cheeks. He couldn't believe he'd uttered the thought out loud. Lily tittered. "Damn Potter. I didn't realize you had that kind of language in you."

"Shut up—"

"No, don't get shy on me now. It was fucking hot." Lily grabbed a hold of his curls once more and pulled him forward. "Now taste it."

And so he did. Giving Lily every ounce of depravity he had, James licked and sucked on her clit as he brought his fingers up into the fray, pumping in and out of her in a rhythm he knew was guaranteed to make her see stars. The harder his tongue stroked, the more her hips rutted, shifting herself ever so slightly closer to the desk's edge. "You like that?" he asked brashly, feeling more and more in his element with every additional sign she gave that she was losing control.

"Yes," she bit out, her nails scratching his scalp while she roughly spurred him on. He sunk his tongue lower, replacing his fingers with it so he could taste her, be inside her, while his nose rubbed against her nub. "Fuck! James—"

She was so fucking wet, and James loved having this physical evidence of just how good he was doing for her dripping down his chin. "Not too bad, huh?" Lily groaned at his quip, riding his face, her obvious retort morphing into a babbling whine. "I can be this good of a lover for you if you just be patient with me…" His thumb honed in on her clit and rubbed tight circles for her just like he'd done in the shower, making her toes curl inside of her shoes. "Just teach me." Please, he added in his head.

"Fuck, fuck—" Lily cried, but stopped with a gasp as James shot to his feet, his thumb still pleasing her as his free hand wrapped around her upper back, supporting her body as it began to lightly convulse, succumbing to her orgasm. "What—?"

"Come for me, Lily," James whispered before he leaned into her mouth, letting her taste herself on his tongue as he kissed her. When he'd made her come in their shower, he'd stayed on his knees for her, wanting to see her face and feel the way her walls fluttered around his fingers as he pushed her over the edge. Now? Now he wanted to experience it with her, breathe it, be right there in her face so that she could have no doubts that she was coming for him, from him, and that he could be the man who could do this for her.

He had to be the man who'd do this for her. He was starting to worry what the fuck he'd do if he wasn't.

James' kiss slowed as she stilled and her body got heavier in his embrace, stealing one last sweet peck before he leaned back. He pulled his hand from her clit, sure it was overstimulated now anyway, and tucked some of her hair behind her ear. James wished he could have taken a picture of the way she was looking at him when she finally opened her eyes. "Good enough?"

Lily slowly blinked before a triumphant yet lazy grin spread across her face. "Yeah. You'll do."

James smiled, leaning back in to kiss her again when the door to their previously abandoned classroom swung wide open with a, "All right you two, break it—!" The girl stopped with an almost comical gasp as her eyes went impossibly wide. "James! I'm so—"

"Obliviate."

James hadn't even had time to register one of his prefects walking in on them, let alone seen Lily reach for her wand. "What the fuck, Evans?!"

Lily kept talking to the slack-faced girl she'd just magicked memories away from. "Rebecca, you saw nothing. Go back into the corridor, close this door, and continue on with your day."

The Hufflepuff turned around, face still blank, and did as she was instructed.

"What the actual fuck?" James repeated, recoiling in disgust as he tried to get as much space from Lily as he could. "You can't just—"

"Can't what?" Lily cut him off, reaching behind her for her bra and slipping it back on. James hated how he watched his favorite breasts fade from view. "Keep us safe? Protect both of our skins?" She threaded her arms back into her blouse and jumped off the desk as she began buttoning herself back up.

"You don't have the right to steal someone's memories!" James yelled, in complete disbelief that someone would ever do such a thing. He knew he should have known she could do something so evil, but it was another thing entirely to watch her actually perform such a spell.

"Of course I do," she huffed. "If it's gonna keep me alive, I'll do whatever it takes."

"How is Levine seeing you shirtless a threat to your life?"

"I told you!" Evans whisper-yelled, spinning around and getting in his face. "I told you that we have to remain a secret and that no one can find out about us—"

"Okay, but that still doesn't give you the right…" James trailed off, remembering the night they'd spent trapped in a closet during a patrol together. "Hang on. Sirius caught us together, and you didn't Obliviate him."

Lily huffed. "That was different."

"How? I was the shirtless one then!"

She looked like she was holding herself back from rolling her eyes as she walked to the door, but just barely. "That's back when this was just a game, Potter." She bent over to pick up her bag from off the floor, and it was the first time he realized that they'd even deposited them by the door in the first place. What was it about this woman that always had him completely losing his head? "I wasn't kidding when I said it before: I could get hurt if word got out that we're fooling around." She swung her bag over her shoulder and looked at him significantly. "We both could."

With that, she exited the room and snapped the door shut behind her.

James deflated against the desk where she'd just come so magnificently, mulling over her words. Sure, she was worried what people would think of them, and he'd admit that they were an odd couple — good versus evil, valor versus corruption and all that — but no one would legitimately get hurt by their pairing, right? That would be insane. Their peers in this school would talk, they always did, but the people that upset could just… mind their own fucking business, couldn't they? It wasn't like James and Lily fucking personally effected any of them.

Whatever the case may be, James decided that trying to protect her privacy wasn't enough of a reason for Evans to assault this poor, innocent girl who was only trying to do her job.

James groaned as he cradled his head in his hands, so very much like he had done when he'd woken up alone after his last hookup with Evans in their suite. He felt oddly guilty, because despite what she'd just done, and despite how much he knew that it was wrong to curse random people, the overriding feeling in his stomach was still joy that Lily had confessed that their relationship was no longer a game to her.

Because that meant it was now real.

Next Chapter: Greedy