Yo, here with another update. Exams are approaching again and I'm having classes everyday now so it goes without saying that the writing spirit hasn't been in me for a while now. I'm not going on a hiatus, I just won't have a specific time frame for my updates. At least for the time being.
Anyways, join AizenTheGoat's discord server where we discuss the economical and political state of the world of fanfiction and other things. If you have a need for a beta reader, need ideas for a fic, help with your fic, motivation or just want to hang out, feel free to join. The code's: https/discord.gg/KEWPD9qExh
Well, let's get to it.
Naruto stared at the groaning blond with wide eyes. Was every female from Superman's world absurdly attractive?!
"Kara, are you alright? How did you get here?" Superman rushed towards his disoriented cousin who only just registered his voice.
"Clark? Wonder Woman? You're here? Wait, you're all here." Kara looked at the superheroes, visibly shocked. "Where are we? How'd you get here?"
Kakashi's eyebrow raised at the mention of the man's real name. Clark. It sounded so…average. Almost like someone thought of a common name and just gave it to him.
Clark frowned disapprovingly. "I don't know where we are either. And I've told you not to call me by name when we're on the job."
"But you called me by my name first." Kara retorted.
"Oh." Superman blinked. He hadn't realised his mistake. Barry snickered at the man.
"Guess the others know we have real names now." Green Arrow said, rubbing his beard.
Tsunade fixed the man with a blank stare. Did he think they didn't know that from the beginning? "I think now's as good a time as any to share your names with us."
Green Arrow looked at the others who looked contemplative before shrugging. "Eh, no harm in doing so. My name's Oliver Queen."
Flash followed. "Barry Allen."
Black Canary sighed. "Dinah Lance."
Wonder Woman nodded. "Diana of Themyscira, but you can call me Diana Prince."
Superman waved his hand. "Uh, Clark Kent."
"Hal Jordan." Green Lantern powered down his ring.
Martian Manhunter spoke. "John Jones."
"Batman." Batman nodded. Everyone stared at the man.
"Your name is actually Batman?" Kakashi asked disbelievingly. The man was a lot stranger than he gave him credit for if that was true.
"He just doesn't want to say it." Superman rolled his eyes. "He might do so later, who knows."
"Were you also brought here via a portal?" Batman suddenly asked Supergirl who nodded.
"Yeah, I didn't even see it take me until I found myself falling a few minutes ago." She squinted in thought. "Or at least I think it was a few minutes ago. I'm not sure how long I fell for."
"Relatable." Barry smiled at her. "It's nice to know you didn't have to deal with the terror of being able to do nothing as a portal swallowed you from the feet down and take you into a void in which you plummeted towards what could have been a painful death."
Everyone stared at the speedster who blinked. "What?"
"I worry about you sometimes, Barry." Hal shook his head. It had to be the man's constant time travelling. Who knew what things he'd seen in the multiple timelines he went to?
"That shockingly dark bit from Flash aside," Oliver started slowly. "What's been going on in the world since we disappeared?"
"What do you mean, since you disappeared?" Kara tilted her head confusedly. "I thought we all got here at the same time."
"No, we've been here for hours." Oliver argued. "We've even had six or nine hours combined for the breaks we've taken in between the chapters."
"Whoever brought us here said it already, Arrow. No passage of time, both here and out there." Hal reminded the archer. Honestly, it still felt unbelievable.
Time was relative between places, yes, but it was completely impossible to grind both to a halt. When time was faster in one place, it was slower in the other, but the halting of time entirely in one wasn't supposed to cause the same effect in the other. It just didn't happen.
"If there's no passage of time, how do you spend hours here?" Kara asked.
Clark tapped his forehead just as Hal raised his ring.
She sighed. "Right, supercomputer brain and supercomputer ring."
"Comes in handy in times like these." Hal chuckled. Kara snorted amusedly before the archer's words came back to her mind.
"Chapters? You guys are reading a book?"
"Well, yeah. Turns out we all got sent here so we could read about an alternate version of Naruto here." Barry pointed at the blond who quietly watched their exchange. Honestly, he hated seeing Naruto so down, but he had no idea how to go about cheering the boy up.
Kara turned to the blond, finally noticing him and the other unfamiliar faces. "Who are you people? I'm pretty sure I've never seen any place where they dress like you do."
"That's because we're not from your world, Kara." Kakashi smiled at her, his mask somehow didn't shift an inch in spite of his action.
"Oh? What planet are you from then?"
"Try dimension." Tsunade spoke, getting the girl's attention. Kara's eyes briefly went down to the woman's bust and felt a bit of envy run through her. How did they get so big? Her envious look didn't escape Tsunade who smirked.
"Dimension?" She looked at them all. "You're from another universe? Nice."
"You don't seem surprised." Gaara finally stopped staring at Naruto to look at her.
"I've met people from other universes many times, myself included." Kara shrugged.
"Universe would imply our world is linked to yours." Naruto spoke out for the first time since the previous chapter ended. "We're from another reality entirely."
"Oh." Kara eyes widened. "Wow, I know about the multiverse, but another reality? Trippy."
Clark looked at her strangely. Trippy?
"That's what we thought too." Barry smirked. "But here we are."
"You think there's a chance that fictional characters actually exist in a separate reality too?" Kara looked intrigued by the idea.
"Err, I'm not sure, most likely not." The speedster shrugged uncertainty. It was scientifically impossible. The only way that would happen would be for said reality to be created at the same time as the creator of those characters made them.
Kara nodded disappointedly. Come to think of it, the strangers all bore an uncanny resemblance to a japanese comic she and Barbara loved to read. Especially Naruto.
Kakashi cleared his throat. "I believe introductions are in order. My name's Kakashi, nice to meet you."
Tsunade sighed. She hated introductions. "Tsunade."
"Gaara." Gaara nodded at her.
Naruto waved lightly at her. "Naruto. I'm guessing you're Superman's cousin?"
"Yeah, did he tell you that?" She looked at him with narrowed eyes. Her suspicion aside, he really resembled that comic book character. Barbara would probably go a bit crazy if she were here; the girl had developed a small crush on the character and littered her room with printed fanart of him. Weird, but she wasn't one to judge.
"He did." Naruto nodded, but didn't say anything more before going back to staring at the book on the floor.
"Oh, okay." She raised an eyebrow at him but turned to Kakashi. "Doesn't talk much, does he?"
"He's just…subdued." Barry was the one who answered her. "Trust me, he snaps out of his funk, it'll be like seeing a different person."
Kara looked at the boy who had gone back to staring at the book on the floor. The faint laugh lines on his face told her he smiled a lot and his hair, which was even brighter than hers, lent him an air of cheer, but he didn't look the part at all. He looked like what people thought was the face of depression.
She could see Wonder Woman glancing at the blond in the middle of her conversation with Batman and curiously listened to the man's heartbeat spike slightly in a pattern that could only mean irritation whenever she did. Curious.
There was a rumor that the amazon had been friend-zoned by Batman, but that wasn't the heartbeat of a man who saw someone as just a friend.
"Right." She muttered and sat back next to Naruto, much to his confusion. She stayed quiet for a few moments before speaking again. "Yo."
Naruto couldn't help his light snort. "Yo."
"Nice weather we're having." Kara continued, getting an odd look from him.
Naruto didn't really feel like joking, but went along with it anyway. "It's bright, a bit warm and the air smells great so I can't complain."
She chuckled. "So how long have you been here anyways?"
"We got here a little before Superman and the others did."
"Hm, I have to say though, it's a nice place." Kara looked around. "You know, if you ignore the fact that we're not here by choice."
"I think we've all gotten used to it." Naruto shrugged. "We're not staying here forever, just till we're done with the book."
"Oh yeah, the book." Kara nodded. "So what exactly is this book about anyway? I mean, I know it's an alternate version of you, but what's been happening so far?"
Naruto wanted to tell her to pick up the book and read it, but decided not to. "Well, my alternate self's a space mercenary and bounty hunter who saved you and Superman-"
"I'm pretty sure you already know his name now, you heard me saying it." Kara interrupted him.
"I'm used to calling him Superman." Naruto glanced at the man who was staring at them both. "Besides, he didn't look too happy to have his name exposed like that."
"It's alright, Naruto." Clark spoke, having heard him. "You can call me Clark, the cat's out of the bag anyway."
Naruto nodded and turned back to Kara. "I saved you and Clark from The Preserver."
"Who?" Kara squinted as she tried to recall any villain bearing that name to no avail.
Naruto smiled slightly. "Some guy who collects rare things from everywhere around the universe. Sometimes it's animals, sometimes it's people. He had a big ship too, but I blew it up."
Kara made a noise of approval. "Nice, nice. And I was there?"
"No, just Superman." Naruto shook his head. "But I saved you on Argo."
"You actually got to the city?" Kara asked him surprisedly. "That must be one durable ship."
"Yeah, I got into the city." Naruto sent Kakashi a triumphant look. Kakashi rolled his eyes.
"Alternate universe, Naruto. Argo's a planet there and you owe me a hundred thousand."
"Really? Argo's a planet there?" Kara was shocked.
Naruto sighed resignedly. "Yeah, it was a planet."
Kara didn't look as downtrodden as Clark had been. "You owe him a hundred thousand? That's a lot of money, Naruto. How'd you work up a debt that large?"
"He lost a bet." Tsunade answered in Naruto's place. "I told you not to be so carefree with money."
"Sure, granny." Naruto grumbled and dodged another cork tsunade tossed at his head. Just how many corks did she keep on her?
"What do you mean by granny?" Kara gave Naruto a confused look. "She doesn't look a day over thirty."
"She's…" Naruto trailed off when he saw Tsunade's glare. "...like a grandmother to me."
'Nice save.' Kakashi snickered.
"Huh, if you say so." Kara nodded skeptically before grinning lightly. "I couldn't help but notice your weapon pouch. You're a ninja, aren't you? Awesome."
Kakashi's eyes widened. How did she know what was in there?
Naruto blinked. So this was what Diana meant by people in her world digging the mercenary lifestyle. "How did you even come to that conclusion?"
"You've got kunai in there. Only ninjas use them." She pointed at the pouch and panicked internally when she realised she'd have to explain her x-ray vision if he asked how she knew. "I could see the outline."
Kakashi hummed. "I'm beginning to think we're doing something wrong at this point since Batman saw it too, but no, Kara. Kunai are a farmer's tool."
"And it inspired ninjas to fashion their own model. You sure as hell aren't a farmer too." Kara deadpanned. She'd done a lot of reading in her spare time and she'd laser her own arm off if any of them were farmers.
"What makes you think so?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow curiously.
"For one, farmers don't wear combat gloves." Kara pointed out.
The silver haired man sighed.
…
"Who's going to read the next chapter now?" Flash asked when everyone gathered again, courtesy of Superman who said it was time to start reading the next chapter.
Before anyone could say anything, the book flew into Diana's hand. The woman sighed; she'd been hoping it would pass her by for a few more chapters.
"The book has chosen you." John stated the obvious, much to Barry's amusement.
"Hey Manhunter, can I interest you in a game of dungeons and dragons when we get back?" The speedster asked. "With the way you speak, you'd be a hit with the gang."
"You still play DnD?" Oliver snickered. "How the hell did you get married?"
"Iris loves the game." Barry frowned at him. "And Clark joins in too sometimes."
Clark gave the archer a sheepish smile. "The game is pretty fun. If I didn't know it would take all her time, I'd get Kara a deck too."
"I knew you were forgetting on purpose." Kara glared at the man. "What's so bad about me playing DnD?"
"Aside from the fact that you and Barbara skipped three days of sleep and showers so you wouldn't stop playing the last time you went to visit her?"
"We had to keep the excommunicated paladin occupied until the knights showed up." Kara defended herself. "Do you know how hard it was not to punch him in the face while he groped me?"
Barry coughed. Up until his previous character got executed, he had played as a paladin who got excommunicated for being a lecher, but it wasn't possible for them to be the reason the dice rolled wrong for him. Right?
Kakashi gave the blushing girl a slightly disturbed look. "Three days? I can't even abstain from showering for a day without feeling sticky."
Naruto scoffed. Kakashi was as much of a clean freak as the word got. The man's house was always squeaky clean and smelt of cleaning products. It wasn't surprising that his obsession with hygiene applied to his own body as well.
But yeah, purposely skipping a bath for three days was a bit excessive.
"What's dungeons and dragons?" Naruto asked Kara.
"Uh, it's a card game…I don't really know how to explain it." She shook her head sadly. She really wished Barbara was here.
"I love card games." Naruto responded brightly. "I play the black deck a lot when I'm at home."
Kakashi frowned at the boy. "Doesn't the black deck need three people to play?"
"Yeah, so?" Naruto tilted his head.
"You live alone."
Naruto didn't respond for a moment. Kakashi would never let him live it down if he found out he played cards with his own clones. "Kiba and the others come to visit me sometimes."
"Right." Kakashi nodded slowly, clearly not believing the boy.
Kara looked at the boy enviously. "You live alone? I've been trying to move away from my parents' place, but they won't let me."
"Kara, you're eighteen and unemployed." Clark sighed.
"I can find a job." She shot back heatedly. "Or I'd be able to if you let me actually stay in Metropolis."
Naruto shook his head with a small smile. "Living alone isn't as fun as it sounds, Kara. It gets lonely sometimes and there's bills to pay. Lots of bills."
"Doesn't mean I don't wish I could move out, though. Barbara lives on her own." Kara sent Clark a pointed look that he turned away from.
"Barbara's a data analyst and software developer who works for three companies remotely." Clark replied. "You couldn't even keep your job for a month before getting violent."
"It wasn't that bad."
"You punched him so hard, his eyes popped out of their sockets." Clark reminded her. "If the guy wasn't so terrified of you, he'd have pressed charges."
"I hated the job anyway." Kara grumbled weakly.
Who knew working at a fast food joint was the ultimate test of patience? She didn't. At least not until she failed the test by punching a customer who tried to toss his food in her face because she told him extra condiments weren't free.
Naruto gave her a sympathetic smile. "I think you just haven't found the right one yet."
"Thanks, Naruto." She grinned at him.
"I think we should start reading now." Diana interrupted with a small frown. She didn't have anything against Naruto talking with someone else, but the two hit it off a bit too fast for her liking.
"Oh, alright." Naruto nodded. A few seconds later, the room went silent and Diana opened the book. The screen lowered again as she did and she began to read.
Chapter 5 - Rest
"Am I the only one a bit worried by that title?" Barry chuckled awkwardly. "Other Naruto went through the five stages of grief in the last chapter and now, rest. You don't think he-"
"No." Tsunade cut the man off annoyedly. "He wouldn't."
"Is that why you were so down when I showed up?" Kara asked the boy next to her who shook his head.
"No, it's the other me. You'll understand soon enough." Naruto pointed at the screen.
A long but rather narrow and sinuous lake surrounded by tall and steep mountains on all sides. It was a fjord, a place of rarely seen beauty.
"Wow." Naruto stared at the screen amazedly.
"Yeah, it's always something to see." Clark smiled wistfully. "I never get tired of staring at them while I'm flying by."
"I agree." Batman nodded. He had a yatch in a fjord in New Zealand that he liked to go to every few months and just relax for a day or two while Dick and Barbara handled Gotham.
Diana felt a pang of homesickness as she stared at the book. Places like this were dime a dozen on Themiscryia and when she was a girl, she would visit them with her mother who would tell her more peaceful tales than war stories as she taught her to fish.
Even when grown, she still liked to go there, albeit alone. Her mother couldn't take time off from her duties anymore, much less disappear to spend hours alone with her.
A simple wooden boat was floating gently on top of the water and on the boat there was a red-eyed man with thick and dark whisker-like marks on his cheeks.
"Naruto?" Kara looked at the blond sitting next to her and the one on the screen.
"Yeah, it's me." Naruto confirmed.
"I didn't know you liked to fish." Kakashi said.
"I don't, I prefer to garden." Naruto shook his head. In spite of being good at it, he didn't like fishing at all. It took too long and always reminded him of his earlier life.
"Poison Ivy sent you a friend request." Kara joked.
Naruto blinked. "You mean the plant poison ivy or the eco-terrorist Poison Ivy?"
"The eco terrorist - wait, how do you know her?" Kara's eyes narrowed at the boy.
"We talked about her." Barry replied for him. "Don't know why, but Naruto was very interested in knowing about her."
"Why?" Kara asked, not liking the idea of Naruto running after that crazy woman.
Barry shrugged. "I don't know, ask him."
Naruto rolled his eyes. The first hokage hadn't been able to control wood he didn't make out of his own chakra and here was someone who could control all plant life and didn't have the first hokage's limitation to wood alone. Of course he'd be curious.
That and she sounded like she was even more attuned to nature than he was.
Despite his rather scary-looking face, there was an aura of peace and calmness around him.
"Yeah, you look a lot more…stable than in the last few chapters." Clark agreed with the book.
Naruto rolled his eyes. He was always stable.
With a straw hat on his head and a fishing rod in his hands, the young man looked as though he was one with nature, an integral part of it. It was as though the paysage would be incomplete without him.
Naruto smiled brightly. It was one of the perks of senjutsu. The only downside to it was that animals tended to get too comfortable with him even when he was out of sage mode. He almost had a heart attack once when he woke up to see a snake asleep on his belly.
"Seeing you like it does adds to the serene vibe." Barry nodded. "It's almost unreal."
"Yeah, the whole thing's like something out of an artwork." Hal said.
"It's like a Bob Ross painting, but with a fisherman in it." Oliver admitted. "You do this often in your world, Naruto?"
"I already said I don't fish." Naruto answered. "And no, I rarely visit places like this. Most of the ones we had are destroyed and the intact ones are the ones most people haven't found yet."
"Guess we have that in common." Kara sighed. Every good place got polluted the moment everyone had knowledge and access to it.
All of a sudden, with a quick jerk of his wrists, he pulled on the fishing rod in his hands. An enormous yellow fish, about twenty five feet long cast a shadow over the lake when it was yanked out of the water. It was even larger than the man's wooden boat! But there was no panic in the man's red eyes.
"How can he not be panicked? That's a monster fish, even by monster fish standards." Barry asked.
Oliver snickered. "Monster fish? You watched that show?"
"It was probably what he was expecting to see." Dinah answered as she elbowed Oliver in his side. "It doesn't look like his first time being here."
"Yeah, he definitely has something planned." Kakashi agreed with her. "He's probably going to seal it away before it can drop or something because he can't carry it to shore even if he does kill it."
Clark grimaced at the sight of the fish. It reminded him of the one that bit his hand when he drew it out the first time Johnathan took him fishing. Sure, it's teeth didn't break through the skin, but it didn't stop him from screaming his lungs out and crying hysterically as he tried to shake it off.
Fishing sucked.
With practised movements, he threw five shurikens at the large fish still in mid-air.
"Where did those shuriken come from?" Clark squinted at the screen.
"It's a secret." Kakashi chuckled.
The five shurikens moved almost as though they were remote-controlled drones not thrown projectiles and they started flying in circles around the fish.
"Okay, I've learnt some absurd stuff about you in the last three chapters, Naruto, but this is the height of it." Hal cried. "What's the explanation for this now? Telekinesis?"
Kakashi and the other sharp eyed members of the room narrowed their eyes at the screen. The silver haired man wasn't sure if it was a trick of the light, but he could swear he saw light reflecting off what could only be wires.
"Newton's second law has been confirmed true, but Naruto is above all laws and by proxy, his weapons are as well." Kara smirked.
Naruto grinned at the girl. "I don't know what Newton's second law is, but I like that a lot."
"Of course you would." Tsunade sighed but internally admitted that it sounded cool.
Then, the man clenched his fist and five very thin metallic wires appeared in his hands seemingly out of nowhere - they had been connected to the shurikens he'd thrown from the beginning.
"So that's how he made them move." Dinah said.
"It still doesn't explain everything." Batman frowned. "The shuriken aren't moving like they're attached to anything."
Kakashi agreed with the man. The only explanation for that would be if Naruto was using chakra as well to manipulate the wires.
Before the fish even started to fall, the wires tightened around it and arcs of lightning travelled through the wires and zapped the large fish to the death.
Oliver whistled as he watched the writhing fish. "And here I thought electrocution was a relatively okay way to go."
"What made you think it was?" Barry asked.
"I don't know, I just thought since the electricity fried all your nerves and stuff, you wouldn't feel anything." The archer shrugged.
"Not quite." Hal shook his head. "It's very painful and might not even kill you at once, if at all."
"How do you know that?" Oliver looked at him suspiciously.
"It's the only method of execution on a planet in Sector 3000." Hal looked like he was remembering something unpleasant. "I got to see one take place. They had to stop and restart it five times because the guy wouldn't die. God, the screams…"
Oliver didn't say anything after that. Maybe he wasn't missing out on anything in space after all.
"The poor fish." Clark winced. Having been on the receiving end of many electrocutions, he knew exactly what it was suffering.
Kakashi's eyes widened. "Lightning? You can use lightning now?"
Naruto nodded. "I'm no master, but I'm getting there."
Batman's eyes narrowed. Wind and now lightning? Maybe element manipulation in general was a common ability they all shared.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Kakashi asked the blond who shrugged.
"It's not like doing so would mean anything." Naruto shrugged.
"I could have taught you to use it better."
"Err, no offense, but you're not exactly the best teacher." Naruto frowned. "Besides, Bee's already showing me a few techniques."
He couldn't help the bit of guilt that welled up in him when he saw Kakashi's shoulders sag. "I mean, it's not like you're a bad teacher, you're just not… the right one for me."
That bit wasn't false. Kakashi was able to teach Sasuke more because they shared common chakra natures and both possessed the sharingan but aside from the basics, there was nothing he could teach a boy whose chakra nature was the exact opposite of his own and also happened to be the one element he had no techniques for.
"What, so you electrocute the animals you catch too?" Kara asked Naruto when she saw he'd stopped talking with his teacher.
"No, it damages the muscles and burns it if you put too much into it. It's better to just use the normal way." Naruto shook his head. It was easier than doing it the standard way, but the benefits were a lot less.
"And what's that?" She asked again.
Naruto gave her an odd look. "Why do you even want to know? Do you hunt or something?"
"Nope, just curious." Kara turned back to the screen.
Naruto stared at her for a few seconds before turning back to the screen as well.
Although the fish was now dead and that the lightning had dispersed by the time the fish dropped back into the water, its body was still twitching, disturbing the previously still surface of the lake. But soon, the fish became immobile, its nerves finally ceasing their activity.
"Ouch." Barry blew on a finger. "You know, a part of me was expecting more dead fishes to float up to the surface like in that episode of The Simpsons."
"Remind me how you have a PhD again, Barry." Oliver folded his arms at the man.
"By not avoiding college to blow my parents' money on women and parties." Barry laughed at the man.
"Oh, fuck you." Oliver scowled at him. He hated people bringing that up when Dinah was around. "And I went back to college, I'll have you know."
"But did you finish college?" Barry smirked when he got no response.
The fisherman tied the metallic wires connected to the fish on one end of the wooden boat and then he grabbed the paddles and started to slowly move towards the shore. On the shore, a giant bonfire was burning merrily and a nine-tailed fox that was as big as a horse was pacing around restlessly.
"I don't think I'll ever get over how he changes size so casually." Clark said. "One moment, he's small enough to wrap around your neck and the next, he looks like he'll chomp your head off."
"I don't think I'll ever get over how much he likes food here." Naruto said. He was very glad Kurama only liked to sleep.
The man and the fox in question were none other than Naruto and Kyuubi. They were in the middle of enjoying their holiday alone, on an unknown planet away from civilization. It was a planet from outside of the 3600 sectors of the known universe protected by the Green Lantern Corps, in a star system located in the unknown void.
"No way." Hal shook his head. "The guardians checked. There's nothing beyond the known sectors."
"Nothing to your knowledge." Barry corrected him. "The universe is infinite, Hal. For all we know, the nearest one outside the sectors is a billion lightyears away, but they stopped only one lightyear short of finding it."
"Alternate universe, you two. Things are different." Dinah shut them both down annoyedly. Was it too much to ask for Diana to be able to finish a page without getting interrupted?
Its living conditions were nearly identical to the Earth but there were no sentient creatures on this planet. There were only animals and because of that, nature was rich and pristine. It was Naruto and Kyuubi's secret refuge, a place where they sometimes went to heal their souls and rest.
"A natural world devoid of technology and people, huh." Kakashi mused.
"Sounds like Poison Ivy's paradise." Batman spoke. The woman would probably drop everything on Earth to live in such a place.
One hour later, more than half of the enormous fish had already been cooked and eaten by the two of them. More exactly, it was Kyuubi that had eaten almost everything by himself. Lost in his greed and gluttony, he had even increased his size to that of an elephant so he could take bigger bites out of the fish and eat more at once.
"Jesus." Oliver grimaced at the sight of the fox. "I'm glad we don't have anything like this in our world."
"We have no way of knowing if they exist." Batman said. "Myths always depict fox spirits to be situated in Asia, one of the few places we don't have any members in.."
"What about that Katana lady? I thought she was in the league." Kara asked.
"She's an occasional ally, but her alignment mainly lies with the suicide squad." Batman said.
He'd have extended an invite to the woman if it weren't for her methods and the fact that he'd be inadvertently giving Amanda Waller a degree of access to the league if she agreed.
"What's the suicide squad?" Kakashi asked the man.
"An off the books team consisting of convicted criminals created by a government agency to do their dirty work in exchange for their freedom." Batman rubbed his head tiredly at the memory of his last confrontation with them at Arkham Asylum.
"How do they keep them in line though?" Tsunade asked. "I'm pretty sure they'd rather just run away than do what they're told and they'd probably kill any agents sent to monitor them."
"They have tracking devices planted in their bodies that double as explosives that can be triggered remotely." Batman frowned. From what Harley told him, Amanda made an example of KGBeast in that manner.
"Doesn't sound all that bad to me." Kakashi shrugged. "They succeed, you get what you want. They fail, you're rid of them and nothing they did can be linked to them."
Batman scowled at the man. Criminals or not, his disregard for their lives didn't sit well with him.
"Katana lady? Does she make them or something?" Naruto scratched his chin.
"Nah, she's got this katana she uses to fight." Kara replied. "Scary stuff considering it seals the souls of people it kills."
The ninjas glanced at each other concernedly. That didn't sound good at all.
"That sounds terrifying." Naruto shook his head. "Imagine dying and having to spend your entire afterlife in a sword."
It sounded even worse than spending eternity fighting in the death god's belly.
In contrast to the voracious fox, Naruto was sitting cross-legged on the grassy ground with his eyes closed. As he drew in the natural energy of the planet, he periodically exhaled a greyish black cloud through his mouth.
"Natural energy? You're drawing power from the planet or something?" Kara asked.
"It's a bit more complex than that, but yeah." Naruto nodded.
"What's with the black smoke though? I've never seen that happen whenever you use nature energy." Gaara asked the boy who frowned.
"Sometimes the nature energy in certain places is tainted, usually by pollution or lack of plant life. When I take it in, it leaves impurities that I have to purge before they accumulate and cause problems." Naruto explaned.
He did it thing everytime he made the gathered natural energy in places like Tankazu Gai and Amegakure. In spite of having constant rain, that village had the one of the highest amounts of pollution he'd seen.
"Why do you take natural energy in those places then?" Diana asked. "It sounds counter productive."
"Because it's a means of purifying those areas." Naruto answered. "I take in as much taint as I can and go to expel it in forests for the plants to feed on."
Hal frowned concernedly. It sounded awfully like the boy was purposely taking in carbon compounds. "What exactly happens if you don't expel them and they reach a critical level?"
"Illness, petrification, insanity, death. It depends really." Naruto shrugged nonchalantly. "I sure as hell don't want to find out which might happen to me."
Tsunade looked at him worriedly. She knew he had his duties, but it didn't make it easier on her to know what could happen to him if he messed up.
Oliver chuckled lightly. "I'm not going to lie, everything you said sounds like something you'd hear from a hippie trying to explain why they're hugging a tree."
"That also explains your fascination with Poison Ivy." Batman stared at the boy who groaned. "She does something similar as well."
"Uh Batman." Barry waved at the man. "I'm not sure if you've been wearing that cowl for too long, but Naruto's not green."
"How can you be so sure?" Batman pressed. "He did say he can use illusions. He could be masking his true appearance."
"You can't be seri-what the fuck?" Naruto recoiled from Kara when he saw her eyes glow white before she blushed brightly and shut them.
"Kara!" Clark shouted angrily. Unlike the others who were confused, he knew exactly what she did.
"He's not using an illusion." Kara shook her head apologetically at Clark but refused to look at Naruto.
"What the hell was that?" Naruto glared at her.
"It's something I can use to tell if people are masking their appearances." Kara lied. She doubted he would take kindly to knowing she looked through his clothes and into his body.
Naruto stared at her suspiciously. He'd seen many dojutsu capable of seeing through genjutsu, but her eyes bore an uncanny resemblance to an active byakugan at that moment.
"I'm sorry, I should have asked you before checking. It was more of an impulse than anything." She apologized.
It was her remorseful tone that made Naruto's suspicious glare lessen before he sighed. "It's fine, just don't go around scanning people whenever the urge strikes you."
He didn't believe all she did was check if he blanketed himself with illusion or not, but he'd give her the benefit of doubt for now.
Diana quickly flipped to the next page before anyone could speak again.
Once every few years Naruto came here to expel the impurities that his body accumulated by drawing in the natural energy of the planets that were inhabited by sentient species. Whenever he used his Sage Mode on such planets, he would draw on the polluted, infected energy of nature. It did not have an immediate effect on him if it was in small doses but if left unattended, or if he drew too much of that infected energy at once, he could become like Juugo from the Elemental Nations and go berserk.
"Jugo?" Kara raised an eyebrow.
Naruto sighed at the visible madness in Juugo's amber orbs when an image of him appeared for everyone to see.
"I'm guessing it's not just your alternate self that knows him?" Batman asked.
"Yeah, I knew him too. Juugo had the ability to gather nature energy without any physical consequences."
"Physical consequences?" Dinah looked up at him.
"Yeah. For everyone else, myself included, we actually have to focus because the main issue is actually incorporating it into your body and balancing it with your own chakra." Naruto explained.
"What happens if you can't find a balance?" Kara asked, already having an idea of the answer.
"You'd have to expel all the nature energy at once." Naruto said gravely. "And I mean everything. Anything else would lead to petrification and consequently, death. The human body wasn't made to handle senjutsu."
"And this is what could happen to you?" Barry asked worriedly. "Do you think it's worth it? What happens if you're in a fight and need to gather nature energy but can't stay still for long enough to focus?"
Naruto smiled at the man. "If I ever get pushed far enough to have to use sage mode, it means I'm doomed anyways."
"Damn." Oliver shook his head slowly.
"What about this Juugo?" Clark pointed at the screen. "You said he doesn't suffer physical consequences. Why does he look like this then?"
"That was how his body worked. The nature energy gave him more abilities than it does any other user, but passive or not, you still need to be trained to use it." Naruto said. "Juugo was not trained. And while it didn't have an effect on his body, his mind was a different matter."
It was one of the very few things he genuinely resented Orochimaru for. The man knew next to nothing about senjutsu and most of his knowledge was based on his observations of Juugo who knew even less and has been forced to use it just to satisfy the man's curiosity.
The nature energy, especially in somewhere tainted with as much death, anger and agony as Orochimaru's subterranean laboratories, had slowly corroded Juugo's mind until he became the way he had been. His moments of lucidity were few and even then, the slightest things drove him over the edge again.
"Was?" Batman narrowed his eyes.
Naruto didn't respond.
"Did he get cured or something?" Barry asked hopefully.
Naruto sighed despondently. "No. I wanted to help, I swear I did but I couldn't. I can't cure madness. He was too far gone, he was hurting too many people, he had to go…"
He shut his eyes as the image of Juugo's resigned face flashed in his mind again. It had never hurt him to kill someone as much as it did to kill Juugo. When he was lucid, the man was harmless, genuinely hated fighting, loved animals and was an all round pleasant person.
But that had barely been a percentage of the time anymore. In the span of just three months after the war and his disappearance, he had been reduced to a rabid beast that went around attacking small villages and mauling travellers and when he was identified, the kages decided he was too dangerous for anyone other than a fellow senjutsu user to combat.
Unfortunately, the only other senjutsu user happened to be him.
In their final confrontation, he found a semi-lucid Juugo tending to a few rabbits in a forest after massacring a hamlet in Rice Country. In spite of the fresh blood on his hands staining their fur, the animals weren't afraid. A testament to the man's affinity for nature.
In spite of not being in full control of himself, Juugo had been able to sense him coming with the same ease that he had used to track him. The real surprise had been that he had not only accepted his death, but saw it as a necessity.
He had intended to finish him quickly with a gudodama, but the man's madness took over at the last minute and he was forced to go about it in a harsher way.
Even killing him in that state felt more like putting down an injured deer than killing a mass murderer and he still wished he could have helped him earlier, but life had taught him that he couldn't save everyone and as much as he hated to admit it, it was better for most that Juugo was dead.
None of the superheroes said anything, but it was clear they understood and didn't like it. It was Kakashi's uncharacteristic glare that stopped Batman from saying what he opened his mouth to say.
Diana stared at the blond sorrowfully. She could understand what he felt, having had to kill people she'd rather not. It was for the best, it really was, but even that didn't make it any easier to deal with.
They took a break for half an hour before Naruto recovered enough for the reading to continue. When everyone gathered again,
Or worse, instead of going berserk, he could turn into a statue if he lost control of the natural energy in his body. He had gone through that in the past once so he was careful to not repeat his mistakes again.
"I love this planet. Such pure nature, such calmness, such peace." Naruto opened his eyes and said. "I feel like any Sage Mode user would be able to prolong their lifespan by decades if not even centuries simply by living here."
"Nature energy prolongs your lifespan?" Kara asked the boy who seemed to have regressed back to the state she firsr found him in.
Naruto looked at her. "It speeds up regeneration, but not enough to actually increase your lifespan. But then again, the nature energy in that world is literally untainted since there aren't any people there. Who knows?"
Tsunade sighed. Hopefully, it also applied to the elemental nations.
Most sentient living beings desired the companionship of other people. And Naruto was no different. Although he no longer got emotionally attached to persons and places, he still enjoyed living with people.
"The end result of eternal life." Diana said. "Apathy."
"I don't think he's gone that far." Dinah noted. "He still likes being around people, he just doesn't feel the need to form bonds anymore."
"At that rate, he'll grow tired of people before the end of the century." Diana argued.
"I doubt that." Barry cut in. "It's the same way people enjoy going to clubs and parties and have the time of their lives even through they probably won't even leave their seats."
"Barry, you are that 'people'." Oliver grinned at him.
"...I can't be the only one like that." Barry folded his arms. "Besides, I can't go as wild as you do in parties. I'm married."
"Perks of being single." Oliver's grin died when he saw Dinah raise an eyebrow. "I meant being unmarried and having a fun loving girlfriend."
"I'm not a party girl, Oliver." Dinah said. "You've got one on the side that I need to know about?"
"Hell no, pretty bird." He grinned nervously. She was the only woman he had or needed.
"Well, you did text me once that I was your last hoe." Dinah tapped under her chin. Barry snorted with laughter.
"Damnit, Dinah. I told you it was autocorrect. I wrote 'hope.'" Oliver began to sweat. He didn't want to confess to drunk-texting her that night.
Kara couldn't help laughing at the man's predicament.
He liked interacting with others, joking around, visiting restaurants, going to movie theatres and sometimes he liked even to just go to a bazaar and watch people haggle and argue with each other for prices.
"I like to do that too." Naruto nodded.
"Considering your current situation, I doubt you're be able to do that anymore." Kakashi said.
"His current situation?" Kara asked what was everyone's mind.
"Well, Naruto here is famous." Kakashi reached over to ruffle the annoyed boy's hair. "So much that people travel from halfway across the continent to our village in the hopes of seeing him."
"That's very famous." Clark muttered, knowing how that felt. Lois told him Metropolis' population boom was because of people wanting to see him in action at least once.
Kara stared at the boy. Call her shallow, but she'd always wondered what it was like to date a celebrity.
Although people had a very dark side to them, they had beautiful parts too. And the more he lived, the more Naruto understood that these two sides of people were like the two sides of a coin. One could not exist without the other.
"That's true." Dinah said. "But people aren't exactly two sides of a coin. There's more to a person than good and bad."
"I think we all know that, Dinah." Kakashi smiled at the woman, not wanting to listen to her talk about the human psyche. He got enough of that from Ibiki.
"Well forgive me for wanting to share a bit of knowledge." She huffed halfheartedly.
As Naruto was sunken deeply into his philosophical thoughts about people's nature, a very loud beeping sound came from a small distance away. It came from the combat suit that he had left in a hut that he and his shadow clones had built when they arrived on this planet a few weeks before. Now, he was wearing casual clothes - a pair of brown pants and a light blue t-shirt. He had no weapons or any other devices on him except for the armband that contained the shurikens and ninja wire that he used in fishing.
"Brown and blue? Not a good combo." Oliver shook his head.
"How would you know so much about colours combos? You wear all green." Barry raised an eyebrow at the archer.
"Grove Street for life." Oliver raised an arm. "Besides, I model."
"Oh, okay."
"Haa~" he sighed in annoyance "These guys don't know how to give up."
"There's always more money to be made, Naruto." Barry said with a deep voice.
"You said it right this time." Naruto smiled at the man who returned his smile.
He went to his hut and took out a wristwatch. Then, he covered his face with his hand and made a downward motion with it. A white ANBU fox mask appeared on his face and his strawberry-blond hair became bright gold while his red eyes became baby blue. Then, he tapped the screen of the wristwatch with a finger and a hologram appeared on top of it. It was a human-sized humanoid rat.
"A sentient rat." Dinah blinked. "I've seen weirder, but wow."
"I wouldn't let any of them hear you saying that if I were you." Hal shook his head. "Most races are sensitive about things like that."
"You guys are taking this awfully well." Clark noticed that the ninjas were unfazed by the sight of a human sized rat.
"We have lots of talking animals." Tsunade said. "I work with talking slugs."
"I work with talking dogs." Kakashi joined in.
Naruto smiled. "I work with talking toads."
"Toads and slugs, eww." Kara rubbed her arms.
"Don't like them much?" Tsunade didn't look impressed.
"Err, they're not as…awesome as yours are in our world." Kara replied quickly.
A high pitched voice came out:
"Seriously, Mr Uzumaki, where have you been these past four months? You didn't give us an update on your location and most of the time we couldn't even reach you through the lightwave. We've been so worried that-"
"Four months is a long time for a vacation." Naruto frowned at his other. If all he did was fish and relax during that four months, he'd get rustier than a metal tool left in a swamp.
"I think your other just hung up on him." Kara snickered. Classic.
The hologram of the talking rat abruptly disappeared when Naruto cut off the transmission. But 2 seconds later, the wristwatch started beeping again.
"Got to give him props, he's persistent." Clark said. You constantly for four months and even though the first thing the guy did when you finally reached him was to hang up on you, you still called back.
"Hey! Why did you hang up me, huh? Here I am, all concerned about your well-being and that's how you treat me? You ingrate-"
"Yeah, Naruto." Oliver teased. "Don't be an ingrate. At least listen to him before hanging up."
Dinah rolled her eyes with a small smile. She couldn't say anything about that, she did it a lot too.
If the mask didn't cover his face, one would be able to see that a vein started to pulse on Naruto's forehead.
"Alright. I'll cut the transmission and switch off the lightwave receptor."
"NO, WAIT!" The rat-man yelled frantically.
He calmed down when he saw Naruto did not follow up on his threat and said unhappily. "Sheesh, you're as grumpy as ever. No pleasantries, no joking around, nothing."
"He's been calling you for four months to offer you a job." Barry said. "The least you can do is be polite
"Oh I'm big on pleasantries, but I can't help but feel I just don't like this guy." Naruto replied, ignoring Kakashi's cough.
"You are?" Tsunade gave the blond a wide eyed stare.
"Don't sound so surprised, I'm the village diplomat!"
"Get to the point already!" Naruto couldn't help shouting. "I do joke around with most people but you're just so irritating! Argh, why do I even put up with you?!"
"Because he's good at what he does." Hal shrugged. "It's the only reason a guy would put up with a plug he hates."
"A plug?" Barry snorted. "You've been watching those YouTube videos again, haven't you?"
"Yeah. That Ratchet guy does good stuff." Hal nodded.
"Doesn't he use slurs in all his videos?" Oliver narrowed his eyes. "Is that where you learnt about that gun stuff?"
"No, it was from a rap song."
Dinah sighed. Ugh, rap.
A smug expression appeared on the rat man's face at the blond's outburst. "It's simple: because I'm the best at what I do."
"That's how it is and that's how it goes." Hal nodded smugly.
"Let me guess, another rap song?" Barry asked. "Eazy-E?"
"Yeah. I've been listening to all the guy's tracks. I hope he drops another album soon though." Hal nodded.
"He's been dead since '94." Oliver shot the man down.
Hal's expression dampened. "Damn."
Naruto let out a snort but did not contradict him.
"Look, I know you said you need some time on your own, but we've got a huge job on our hands this time. To be more exact, two huge jobs. With the payment from these two bounties, you'll probably be able to even buy a fleet of ships strong enough to take over a planetary system. Or legally buy a small-sized terraformed moon."
Everyone went silent. That was a lot of money.
"And all he has to do is take two people?" Clark asked disbelievingly. "Whose he going to hunt? Darkseid?"
"Knowing how things are, I wouldn't be surprised if it were something along those lines." Hal sighed. The higher the bounty, the more likely it was someone infamous.
When Naruto remained silent, the rat-man said in exasperation. "I hate it so much when I can't gauge your reaction because of that creepy mask of yours!"
"That's the point of wearing a mask." Naruto said. "Hides your facial expressions and identity."
Batman nodded.
"I meant a full mask." Naruto corrected himself. "I don't know why you don't cover your mouth too. That's like asking to get punched in the mouth."
"I'm sure he has a plan to avoid that." Oliver flashed the vigilante an acidic smile. "He has a plan for everything."
"Everybody has a plan till they get punched in the mouth." Naruto argued.
Dinah grinned. Apparently, Tyson's words applied in other worlds too.
After a few seconds of silence, Naruto spoke:
"I told you I'm retired. At least for now. I don't really have a need for money. I have enough money to live in peace for a long time. I don't care about conquering planetary systems and whatnot either. As for owning a moon..." He trailed off and started to chuckle.
"He has a private planet. I don't think a moon would motivate him to come out of retirement." Gaara said.
He already had a planet twice as large as the Earth with perfect living conditions and nobody to mess up its nature and ecosystems. It was like a paradise. What was a mere moon compared to that?
"Come on, just this once? I really need you to take this job, don't do me like this, man." The rat-man almost begged.
"Now it's a bit suspicious how insistent he is on Naruto taking the job." Tsunade said.
Kakashi agreed. Calling for four months without giving up and still trying to beg him to take the job even after he said he was retired. It reeked of an ulterior motive.
"It's almost as if this job was meant for him." Kara frowned.
"Or it's meant for him." Batman narrowed his eyes. It could very well be a trap designed specifically for the boy's alternate self.
Naruto covered the forehead of his mask with his right hand and sighed, not knowing whether to laugh or to cry.
"What did you do this time? Did you gamble your wife and your kids and lost again?"
"Wait, what?" Barry blinked.
"He gambled his wife and kids away?" Kara was just as surprised. "I thought that stuff only happened in movies."
"It doesn't, Kara. It really doesn't." Tsunade shook her head. She'd seen it happen dozens of times in the many gambling houses she visited over the years.
"From the way you said it, I'm guessing this is your first time helping him settle his debt." Oliver told Naruto who sighed.
"So I'm his go to guy when he gets himself in situations like this. Wonderful."
It was not a joke, nor an exaggeration what Naruto asked. The rat-man in the hologram was a degenerate gambler, someone that actually had really gambled his wife and six kids and lost them in a game.
Naruto glanced at Tsunade who caught his look and glared back at him.
Granted, it was proven that the other party had been cheating and he didn't truly lose his family in the end but the fact that he was willing to gamble away his family for money spoke volumes of what type of person he was.
"I'm surprised he even still a family in the first place." Dinah shook her head. If she ever saw Oliver became a chronic gambler, she'd leave him without a second thought.
"Yeah, you think they'd leave him after he gambled them away once." Kara nodded.
"Maybe they just don't have any way to survive without him." Naruto offered. "Chances are, the rat guy's the breadwinner."
"That'd be unfortunate." Kara shook her head pityingly.
"I-..." the rat-man fidgeted as if he did not know how to explain himself. "I took the payment in advance for those jobs and-, and I've already spent that money. But don't worry, getting that money back is not an issue! At all! I swear on my honour!"
Diana paused to laugh. A gambler's honour. What a joke.
"He must have thought he'd get you on it in record time or something." Kara shook her head.
"I know, right. He hasn't even reached me and he's already spent all the money. He's lucky they haven't tried to get it back yet." Naruto snorted.
'A gambler's honour. Pfft.' Naruto inwardly said but stayed silent and let him continue.
"The problem is that one month has already passed since I accepted those bounties on your behalf and they told me they don't need their money back. Either we complete the mission or they will send the Gordanians after me."
Hal's face soured.
"What are gordanians?" Naruto asked.
"They're intergalactic slavers allied with the citadel." Hal scowled. "Recently, they've taken to warmongering and with the backing of the citadel, conquering planets. They're responsible for the fall of Tamaran."
Batman paid attention to that last part. Robin, who had gone to Jump City, told him about getting a teammate who called herself a Tamaranean and claimed to have escaped a race called Gordanians.
Apparently, she wasn't lying.
Naruto felt the beginning of a huge headache. Anything involving the Gordanians was going to be nasty. They were infamous for being a warmongering race hell-bent on conquering and enslaving other planets.
"Explain."
"Expand on that." Oliver snickered.
"I don't think now's a good time for that, Naruto looks angry." Clark pointed at the screen. Even though his face was covered by a mask, it was clear the bounty hunter wasn't pleased.
That single word made the rat-man tremble. He understood that Naruto was slowly getting pissed and he also knew better than most people that as easy-going and amiable Naruto seemed to be, it was a terrible thing when he got truly angry.
"I know how that is." Kakashi nodded. He could count the number of times he'd seen Naruto angry on one hand but each time it happened, he left a trail of destruction in his wake.
A few minutes later, when the rat-man was done explaining and anxiously waiting for the verdict, Naruto asked:
"So, the first job you accepted was from the Psions. They want me to capture someone for them to experiment on him... tell me, Rui Nak, when have I ever accepted any jobs from those bastards?"
"He and the kyuubi are the last of their world. A job from the Psions also doubles as a trap for them." Hal folded his arms. "They use money to bait people into taking jobs for them and deliver whatever it is to their doorstep so they can take both the goods and the person."
"And people still take jobs from them?" Kara asked disbelievingly. "They should learn from the mistakes of the ones who came before them."
"Money blind the eyes, Kara." Naruto said. "When the money is worth the risk, you tend not to think too much about the second part."
"Mr Uzumaki, please don't get angry!" the rat-man - now named Rui Nak - said quickly, desperately trying to stop Naruto from getting angrier at him than he already was.
"I've checked the past of that bounty target. I spent a lot of resources for that but I did find out that he's caused several world wars and genocides in his homeworld. Whatever the Psions will do to him, he fully deserves it!"
"Several world wars and genocides?" Oliver frowned. "That's extreme for one person."
"The real question is how he didn't get arrested for it." Hal said. "If it's public knowledge enough to make it to a bounty description, it means they've got concrete evidence of his guilt."
"It could be that he's just very well protected." Barry offered.
"Nothing can protect you from solid evidence, Barry." Dinah shook her head. "It's why even the most powerful men try to get rid of it."
Feeling that Naruto was mollified by his explanation, Rui Nak continued:
"As for the second job, I took it especially because it was connected to the first one. The king of Tamaran sold his youngest daughter to the Gordanians as a slave for the sake of peace."
Kara looked revolted as did most of the others. "Now that's just wrong!"
"Is it, Kara?" Tsunade asked. "Sometimes, sacrifices have to be made for the good of the world, regardless of what it is. The man has even less choice in the matter since he's the king. That's the burden of leadership."
Diana nodded. Her mother banishing her from Themiscryia was one of such examples. It was to maintain order in the form of proving that no one was exempt from the laws, not even her own daughter.
"It's admirable, but in the end, it didn't matter." Hal said. "The gordanians came back a few months anyways and Tamaran fell."
But the Queen of Tamaran, his wife, secretly put out a bounty to rescue her daughter. My sources tell me that the Gordanians demanded the princesses of the royal family of Tamaran at the request of the Psions."
"Of course they did." Oliver scowled. League member or not, he'd put an arrow or a dozen into a Psion if he ever saw one.
"They could have also just taken her to sell." Hal explained. "Tamaraneans were rarely found outside their planet and as such, they were still considered exotic enough to fetch a high price. The princess, especially the youngest one, would fetch a higher price than the older."
"Why would the younger be costlier than the o-oh, I get it now." Kara shuddered.
Kakashi shut his eyes. He'd seen how things were in the skin market, having been hired by both slavers and liberators. It was a lot worse than how Hal was saying it.
"So you mean to say I'll be hitting two birds with one stone?"
Rui Nak nodded vigorously.
"Exactly! You can capture the target of the bounty offered by Psions and after you hand him over to them, you can also raid their base and rescue the princess of Tamaran."
"I'm sure they'd reward you for returning their princess to them." Hal told Naruto who nodded.
"Maybe, but the elation kind of falls through when they realise her return would mean the gordanians would assume they reneged on the deal and come back to continue their attack."
"Oh. Yeah."
Naruto hummed in thought.
"I'll need you to send me all the data you have on the bounty offered by the Psions. I will be the one to decide if the target really is a scumbag or not."
"Absolutely!" the rat-man said eagerly.
"It's definitely, most assuredly and undoubtedly not a trap, I promise." Oliver mimicked the rat's voice, getting laughs from most of the occupants in the room.
A few hours later, Naruto was sitting next to a campfire with his back resting against a tree as he read on a tablet the information that Rui Nak had sent him in regards to not only the Psions' bounty but also about the current state of affairs in Tamaran, the Gordanians' attack. and the enslaved princess.
"This guy really is the best at what he's doing, but sometimes I feel like I wanna strangle him to death," Naruto said in annoyance.
"There's no worse feeling." Oliver agreed.
"What do you mean by that?" Clark asked the man suspiciously.
"It's kind of like dealing with a lawyer who obviously wants to bone your mom but not being able to fire him because you're knee deep in lawsuits and the guy rarely ever loses a case." Oliver explained and when he saw the whole room staring at him, added. "It's just an analogy."
"Right…" Naruto nodded skeptically. "Right."
Rui Nak was an information broker, one of the best - if not the best - in the galaxy. Naruto was not the only bounty hunter in partnership with him. Even Lobo took bounties from him once in a while. Rui Nak was not subordinated to anyone. He was a free agent, simply selling information to anyone who paid him. In spite of his despicable morals and degenerated persona, as a businessman, Rui Nak was excellent.
"I am Jack's grudging respect." Clark's chuckle died out when he saw Batman staring at him. "Even you have to admit that your mind went to Fight Club when you read that."
"You hate American Psycho, but you like Fight Club?" Barry asked disbelievingly.
"Jack isn't a murderer." Clark argued.
"No, he's just an anarchist with split personality disorder who beats himself up, looks at his own life from a third person perspective and would have killed himself if the gun didn't have a blank in it." Barry rolled his eyes.
"And Bateman's a materialistic, homicidal narcissist who thought his co-worker had to die for having a better business card and has a morning routine out of one of those fake 'a day in the life of a twenty four year old CEO' videos on the internet." Clark folded his arms.
"I don't know what you're talking about, but you two need to shut up and let Diana read." Tsunade glared at the two men who went quiet.
He was an extremely well-connected person - there was not an inhabited planetary system or prison planet in the 3600 sectors of the known universe where he did not know a guy or two.
"For a mercenary, that's a dream partnership." Kakashi said. "No wonder your other puts up with him. He could go out of business completely if he didn't."
"I don't see how." Kara didn't understand.
"For someone that connected, all he has to do is give a reason why you shouldn't be hired and you'd get blacklisted from pretty much everywhere." Hal said. "That's your whole career gone all because one guy said something bad about you."
"I don't think my other cares much." Naruto said. "He is retired. And you don't need a good reputation to go bounty hunting."
He made it his job to learn all about the latest bounties posted by the major powers of the Galaxy and contact the bounty hunters that might be interested in them.
The bounty hunters were happy to get a juicy job, the clients were happy to have their problems solved and Rui Nak himself was happy to get a hefty commission from the bounty hunters and even from the clients themselves if they contacted him directly. The rat-man was not the sole information broker operating on an intergalactic level but he was among the best.
"He put in his thumb and pulled out a plum and said 'what a good boy am I'." Barry rhymed.
"It's surprisingly fitting here." Dinah had to admit.
"Where's the rhyme from?" Clark asked. It didn't sound familiar at all.
"It was made by Candice." Oliver answered. Barry covered his mouth with his hand to hide his grin.
"Who's Candice?" Clark frowned.
"CANDICE DICK FIT IN YOUR MOUTH, BOYYY-" Oliver stopped when Clark's eyes glowed red. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it."
"RAAAAAAH!" Barry had no such reservations and ran away before Clark could react.
Naruto's eyes widened at the man's speed. He only barely saw the man's trail.
"I hate that joke so much." Clark snarled at where the speedster had once been. It was bad enough that Booster Gold once got him with a deez nuts one in front of the Metropolis press and nobody let him live it down.
"He's definitely not gonna get even one coin as commission from my reward after the shit he pulled."
Kyuubi was curled up very close to the fire in his tiny form as a fox cub and yawned lazily every once in a while.
"You could've just ignored him and not taken the job. But you couldn't help playing the hero again, eh?" Kyuubi jabbed at him.
"The hero complex rears its ugly head." Tsunade smirked at the boy who groaned.
"I don't have a hero complex, granny. I just like saving people." Naruto said tiredly.
Kara nudged him with an elbow. "Don't worry, you'd fit right in with us with that attitude."
Tsunade's smirk dropped off her face at the girl's words. Naruto wasn't leaving to deal with another world's problems if she could help it.
Naruto glared at the fox and retorted. "What hero? I'm getting paid for it. Not to mention, we've worked together for so many years."
"Extortion, extortion." Clark repeated, keeping his gaze solely on Naruto who ignored him.
"Mhm. Keep telling yourself that."
Seeing Naruto becoming silent at his words, Kyuubi asked. "So? Where are we going now?"
"To Earth."
Batman felt a pit form in his stomach as realisation set in. How come it hadn't clicked earlier? "He's going after Vandal Savage."
"You've got to be kidding me, Vandal Savage?" Barry asked, having returned. "He's going to have a hell of a time finding that guy."
"Yeah and he'd have to turn the Earth inside out to find that man." Oliver understood Batman's worry. "Savage won't let himself get found that easy and even when he does, he won't go without a fight. He'd nuke the whole continent if he has to."
"Oh, I see why it's a bad thing now."
"What would the Psions want from Earth?" Kyuubi raised his head from his front paws and asked, appearing as though he was very intrigued.
"Apparently, it's someone who has lived for nearly 50,000 years. He's the one who had caused the two deadliest wars in Earth's history and numerous other atrocities. A human named Vandal Savage. I think the Psions will dissect him to the last atom to see what makes him tick, what gave him immortality when everyone else on Earth lives up to a century at most."
"I can't believe I'm saying it, but I hope Naruto gives him to them." Kara said earning a shocked look from Clark. "I know, but if he's as bad as you say he is, don't you think he's better off dead or in the hands of people who'll see to it that he won't leave an operating table?"
Clark sighed, not wanting to argue with her. Sometimes he forgot that Kara had been raised on Krypton for the purpose of joining the military. She wouldn't always see things the way he and the others did. It was good enough that she still valued life and didn't see humans as lesser species like he was sure most others would have.
"Keep in mind that if the Psions can get the root of his immortality, they'll use it on themselves." Hal said. "You really think it's better for immortal Psions to be running around?"
"Didn't think we'd get back to Earth so soon. Not that I have anything against it, mind you." Kyuubi said and the nine fluffy tails at his back started wagging.
"Yeah, he probably just wants to eat and make Diana pet him again." Naruto scoffed.
"Well, you won't hear me complaining if he approaches me." Diana smiled.
"I swear he's not actually the way he is in this book." Naruto shook his head. No matter how much time he had to process it, it still felt like he was the one imagining it.
Naruto grinned when he looked at the tiny fox's unveiled excitement.
"Oho, you look excited. I wonder why? My bet is that you can't wait for that woman to give you some belly rubs again~" He said snidely.
"What else would it be?" Clark asked.
"Probably to trick Batman into paying for his eating spree again." Dinah joked.
Batman sighed. His poor other self. He just hoped Dick and Alfred in that world didn't hear about it.
"Y-you!" Kyuubi sputtered at the unexpected verbal attack. "What does that have to do with anything!"
"Oh really now? Then tell me, what's the tail-wagging for?"
"He might be aroused." Barry said.
"What the fuck, Barry?!" Hal shouted. "First was that existential void stuff and now this!"
Diana grimaced. She hoped Barry was wrong.
Kyuubi bit on his own treacherous tails in embarrassment. At the memory of the blissful feeling from the Amazon princess' gentle caresses, his tails had involuntarily started wagging on their own, out of his control. Kyuubi did not understand himself why he had liked it that much; he did not know that it was because of the gift that the Olympian Goddess of the Hunt and Wilderness had blessed Wonder Woman with.
"I'm telling you a gift like that shouldn't make him this way." Naruto insisted. "This is Kurama. If he were awake, he'd be pissed to see this."
"I can tell you're just jealous you can't touch his tail but I can." Diana grinned at him. He clearly couldn't comprehend how powerful a god's blessings could be.
"Oh, your maturity is unparalleled." Naruto rolled his eyes. "I mean, I am a bit jealous, but come on. What are we, children?"
"If only the people from our homeworld could see this: the mighty Kyuubi no Kitsune, the strongest bijuu in existence, wagging his tails like a dog and purring like a cat from a simple belly rub! You were so cute! So adorable! Wahahaha!"
"It's more disturbing than anything to be honest." Kakashi said. "This fox is considered to be the embodiment of anger, hatred and everything negative. It's said to thrive off negativity."
"Gangland." Clark, Barry and Oliver said at the same time.
"What?" Kakashi blinked.
"Nevermind, it's a thing in our world." Barry waved him off.
But as he laughed out loud, Naruto suddenly jumped up to his feet and, immediately after, he leapt into the tree behind him. From there, he broke into a mad dash, jumping from one tree to another as quickly as he could.
"Damn, I've seen bullet trains slower than that." Oliver stared at the screen surprisedly.
"So you can run on trees and branches?" Kara asked Naruto who nodded. She inwardly screamed. Barbara had to be here.
That's because a gigantic nine-tailed fox, the mighty Kyuubi in his original form as a tailed beast had suddenly smashed the spot he had been sitting on before with his immense claws. Hundreds of feet tall and wide and 9 tails that were just as huge as his main body - even the enormous trees of that virgin planet were dwarfed by his gigantic size. Now, he was a behemoth.
"Jesus Christ!" Oliver screamed and jumped off his seat. Naruto and Dinah cackled at the man.
"You think that's huge? That's not even his final form." Naruto grinned.
"I'm suddenly a lot more afraid of the fox than I was a few minutes ago." Barry whispered.
"Join the club." Kara agreed with him.
"Naruto! Don't let me get my hands on you!" Kyuubi's demonic roar rang and the shockwaves of his roar flattened to the ground the forest around him for miles.
In his original form, the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox truly was like a natural disaster, a calamity. But in front of that terrible might, obnoxious laughter could be heard in the distance, just as loud as his roar. Naruto had purposely infused his chakra in his voice, to make sure that the fox heard it.
Diana chuckled as she closed the book. "A truly fearsome fox he is."
'Damn right I am.'
Naruto jumped as the familiar voice echoed in his head. 'Kurama, you're finally awake!'
'Obviously. And imagine my surprise to see you stuck in a room with strangely dressed people. Who are they?'
Naruto ignored the strange looks he was getting and leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes. 'Want to come out and talk to them yourself?'
A low growl sounded in his head. 'I'd rather not.'
'Come on, they're cool. And they all know your name now.'
There was silence before Kurama spoke again. 'And how do they know that?'
The fox's voice was calm, but Naruto could feel the murderous rage hidden beneath the question. 'It was written in the book. The same one Diana was reading. It'll take too long to explain within the seal. You're sure you don't want to come out and catch up with everything?'
Kurama went silent again for a few moments speaking again. 'Let me out.'
Naruto sighed and his gut glowed brightly, alarming everyone before a small, glowing fox appeared and became as large as a horse before the glow died out and nine tails became visible.
Diana's eyes widened at the sight. It was Kurama, right here with them. But Naruto was right, the fox wasn't like how he was in the book.
Where the one in the book was largely docile, this Kurama radiated nothing but malice towards everyone. A malice that made the once jovial atmosphere go tense as everyone save for Naruto, prepared to fight.
"Well everyone, meet my partner." Naruto purposely avoided saying the fox's name so as not to irritate him further.
"I'm honoured to finally meet you, Kurama." Diana was the first to speak.
Kurama wasn't sure why he suddenly felt as calm as he did when the woman spoke to him, but he didn't like it one bit. It reminded him too much of the cursed eyes for his comfort.
"The feeling isn't mutual." He snarled, surprising her. "I should kill you for saying my name."
"It's not her fault, Kurama. She wouldn't know how you are about it." Naruto rubbed the fox's fur. Kurama grew larger and Naruto, getting the message, took his hand off.
The fox stayed silent, but continued to glare at the woman who returned it with a calm look of her own. After nearly a whole tense minute, he snorted and looked at Naruto. "Tell me everything."
I tried to write this document once, but I noticed that I stopped writing at 666 words so I deleted it. Y'all stay safe.
In all fairness, we've all wondered what it's like to date a celebrity or even better, be one. If you say you haven't done either, you're just lying to yourself.
To the guest who asked, it's not Iron-Man, it's Cyborg.