Two quotes from the Part II intro are definitions of the word "Broken" from Google. The bottom quote is from the song "Wrecked" by Imagine Dragons.
Happy reading, everyone.
2014
Lee was breathing hard as he came inside from his run. He grabbed a towel from its spot on the dryer as he walked through the mud room. He was rubbing his head and neck as he walked into the kitchen and found Gunner sitting with Maya as she furiously scribbled on her notebook. Maya had insisted on doing at least some school over the summer. She didn't handle boredom very well, so Gunner was indulging her with material.
Lee went to open his mouth when Gunner held up a finger, and Lee realized Maya was in the middle of a test. He nodded his understanding and went to go shower. As the water beat on him, he closed his eyes and reflected on the last year.
Maya had adjusted to her new life as best as she could. In the beginning, she had so many nightmares to the point Lee was worried she was greatly damaged by everything. Toll had taken her to his therapist, who normalized what was going on and provided some good coping tools. Toll himself had struggled a lot, and most times he and Lee would spend time together trying to distract one another from their loss. Sometimes it worked.
Tool had helped Lee get some papers and identification for Maya that said she was his daughter. No one asked any questions. He had offered to put her in school once they had this, but she asked for a year of homeschooling, stating she preferred working with Gunner and the others and getting more advanced in her learning. She was seven going on eight years old and doing work that an adult could do. It blew his mind.
She was still close friends with Louis. Their shared trauma bonded them together even more. Tia joked that they might even end up married one day. Lee had a hard time picturing Maya as an adult. To him, she'd always be that little girl who stumbled upon him in the dark holding her stuffed dog.
He'd fallen into the role of being a father awkwardly. Toll had given him books to read, and sometimes all of the men pored over them to figure out what the hell to do when Maya would ask a complicated question or to figure out what was appropriate to tell her about certain things. Most of the time, for a really complicated question, they turned her over to Tia, who would roll her eyes and tell them to grow up already.
Otherwise, both he and Maya fumbled their way through this new life together, and he knew without a doubt he would die for her and do everything he could to give her the best that she deserved.
He shut the shower off and dried off, stepping out to look at himself in the mirror. The pain was still there in his eyes. The grief was never far away. Sometimes it hit him when he least expected it. It had taken a long time to smile again, but he had to for Maya. Her confusion about her feelings hurt him sometimes because he knew she thought she should be sad and would feel guilty for laughing at something. It was a learning process for both of them, but they were getting through it.
"You're doing great," a voice behind him said, and he gripped the counter and closed his eyes briefly.
Oh yes, and he kept having hallucinations. How could he forget about that?
"You're not real," he said without turning around. The figure shifted until they were sitting on the counter next to him, swinging their legs.
"Your mind disagrees with that statement," Emily commented. He finally looked at her, and he wished he could understand why this kept happening. The first time it did, he'd almost had a heart attack and then felt so much disappointment to realize she wasn't real. It hadn't stopped him from trying to touch her, though, but his hands had only met air.
"Why do you keep coming back?" he asked her. "Huh? Are you waiting to see if I'll screw up?"
"I just like knowing you're both okay," she said softly. He gave a snort at this.
"We'll never be fully okay, and you know that," he said, pushing himself off the counter and going to his room to get dressed.
"Besides, you and I both know it's you that keeps bringing me back!" she called after him, but thankfully, she didn't follow him. At least these moments were getting shorter in length. She wasn't hanging around for hours anymore. He shook his head, trying to rid his mind of her image and voice. It was hard enough to get up some days let alone have these moments on top. He didn't want to consider that he was having a mental problem. He chalked it up to his constant longing to see her and his brain granting him that wish.
"YES!" Maya shouted gleefully from the other room, and Lee couldn't help but smile. He recognized that tone. It meant she had aced another test. He finished drying off and got dressed. He pulled his white t-shirt down as he walked back to the kitchen.
"100%?" he asked her.
"Yep," she said proudly. Lee knew how much she prided getting full marks. He sometimes had to calm her down when she didn't and reassure her that she wasn't a failure. He was monitoring that carefully.
Gunner was flipping through the textbook in front of him. He'd offered to teach Maya all that he knew in math and science. Tool taught her art class. Toll did the social science stuff. Barney handled the gym piece. Lee taught her self-defense. He wasn't about to let her go out in the world without knowing how to fight back if she needed to. He tried not to worry about her going into the school system in the fall, but he couldn't keep her out forever. He and Barney were currently looking into which school to send her to.
"Good job," he said, ruffling her hair as he walked past her to get some water.
"What am I learning next?" she asked Gunner, who had stopped flipping and was reading the pages now.
"Chemistry," he answered, sliding the book over to her. "Here, learn the periodic chart." She took the book eagerly, poring over it instantly. Gunner got up and stretched, cracking his knuckles. Lee looked at his phone as a message came in.
Got a job. Gonna need all hands on deck.
He sighed. The hardest part of his work was leaving Maya. She would stay with Tia and Louis while he was gone, but he always worried about her and knew she worried about him. He didn't want her to worry about him, not after all she'd been through. That was why he bowed out of some jobs more often than not. Caesar limited his jobs with them greatly, too, after almost losing Tia. He did about three a year with the goal of stopping entirely in the near future. They really only used him in a pinch.
Where? he wrote back.
Somalia, but we gotta make a stop first, Barney wrote back.
Alright.
He sighed, shutting his phone. He looked over at Maya, who was reading with a furrowed brow. He was beginning to think more and more that Caesar's idea of retiring was a good idea.
...
Barney was mapping things out when Tool came to join him. He pulled the cigar from his lips and held it in his fingers, his hand resting on the table. Smoke curled into the air slowly.
"Well?" Tool asked, resting his hands on the table on the opposite side of Barney. "Is it doable?"
"Yea," Barney answered. "We're gonna hit the train. Pull him out from there and then head to Somalia after."
"You think he's gonna want to go to work so quickly?"
"I think he'll have so much pent up rage in him that our enemies won't know what hit 'em," Barney answered, putting the cigar back in his mouth.
"It'll be good to see him again," Tool agreed, nodding. He shifted the papers, revealing the photo of "Doctor Death" a.k.a. "Doc" and chuckled.
"Christmas is gonna hate the competition."
"He'll get over it."
"You heard from Yang at all?" Tool asked, knowing this was partly motivation for Barney getting Doc back aside from the whole "saving him from rotting in prison for life" piece. Yang had left the group before Billy and was MIA for a while. Last they'd heard, he was working for Trench.
"No," Barney answered around his cigar.
"I'll leave you to it," Tool said, knowing his friend was done talking. He patted the table and ambled off. Barney sighed and flipped the map on the table, making marks with his pencil. Caesar had agreed to help him with this, and he had a feeling it was going to be his last mission. He had a feeling it was going to be Lee's last one too. He didn't blame either of them.
...
"You're crazy to do this," Emily said. She was standing with her arms crossed as Lee packed his bag. He was doing his best to ignore her. Maya was packing her bag too, excited to spend time with Louis and Tia but also apprehensive about him leaving. Lee was very thankful for Tia's female influence. He feared what Maya would grow up to be if she was only surrounded by a group of mercenary men.
He pulled out his knives from his hiding spot in his closet and buried them in the middle of his bag. He'd get the rest of his guns and ammo from Barney's place.
"If you die, who's gonna raise Maya?" Emily asked.
"Tia," Lee answered absently.
"Don't do this," she begged. He stopped and turned to look at her.
"I'm not letting a hallucination tell me what to do," he replied. "That would make me entirely off my rocker, and I don't feel like being locked up in a psych ward."
He zipped his bag with a hard yank and slung it over his shoulder as he walked down the hall to Maya's room. He knocked on her door.
"You ready?" he asked.
"How long are you going to be gone?" she countered, coming out with her backpack on and sleeping bag under her arm. Tia was promising a small camping trip, so Maya was excited.
"Not sure," Lee answered, putting a hand on her shoulders and steering her down the hall in front of him.
"You're going to come back, right?" Maya asked, stopping and looking up at him. He squeezed her shoulder tight and gave her a smile that he hoped was convincing.
"I'll always come back," he promised. It was a question she asked a lot. The first time, she'd burst into tears with anxiety that he was abandoning her. It had taken a lot to calm her down, and he'd made her that promise. He'd die trying to keep that promise.
She gave a nod and continued walking. Lee locked the door behind him, giving his small house one last look as he hurried after Maya and made her shriek with laughter as he picked her up by her backpack, her legs dangling.
"Put me down!" she ordered, but she was still giggling.
"You're gonna be good, right?" he asked.
"Of course!"
"Good." He set her down and pulled off her bag to put it behind the seat. She clipped her belt on and looked out the truck window as he threw his stuff in the box and got into the driver's side. He barely used his bike anymore. There was no point in adding anymore risk to his life than he already had. He smiled as Maya started singing to the song on the radio. Toll had introduced her to Dire Straits, and she would belt out "Money for Nothin'" at the top of her lungs every time it came on.
"She looks happy," Emily said, making him jolt in surprise. He turned his head to see her sitting on the middle console, watching Maya. He gritted his teeth and didn't answer. He knew Maya was smart enough to figure out what he was doing if he did.
"No matter what anyone says, you're doing an amazing job," Emily added, finally looking at him. It killed him to have her that close to him and know she wasn't real.
"Dad?" May asked, making Emily disappear as he focused on his adopted daughter.
"Yea?"
"What do you do for work?"
He cringed inwardly. She'd asked him once before, but he'd managed to deflect and distract her. He knew she was curious about it, especially since she'd seen them use guns on the island. Also, he was gone sometimes for two weeks at a time.
"Well," he said, thinking fast. How would she even understand? He had to word it just right. "I...I'm a negotiator."
"I haven't heard of that word before," Maya said, frowning. Lee knew it would bug her. She prided herself in knowing a lot of "adult" words.
"It means I help people work things out," Lee explained. It was a softer version of what he did. His negotiations usually ended with someone getting shot or stabbed, but they had it coming. Maya didn't need to know that right now, or ever.
"Does it take a long time to do it?"
"Sometimes. People can be stubborn." Or they just wouldn't die and made the team chase them around for a while before "negotiating" with them.
"It sounds boring," Maya said, wrinkling her nose.
"It's better than chemistry."
"No, it isn't. Chemistry is important."
"So is negotiating."
"Agree to disagree?"
"Alright."
"Do you shoot people?" she asked, looking at him. Lee knew that was coming and had honestly been surprised it had taken her so long to ask it.
"Only if they try to shoot me first," he said, half-lying.
"Well, don't miss," she commented, and a slight scoff escaped his lips.
"I won't."
They pulled into Caesar's driveway, and Louis came running when he saw the truck. Caesar was waiting with his bag, ready to ride in with Lee. Maya was out of the truck like a shot when they were parked, and Lee pulled out her stuff and went to hand it to Tia.
"Thanks, Jersey," he said.
"Anytime, English. We'll have a good visit."
"I'm sure," Lee said with a smile. Tia hugged Caesar one last time and kissed his cheek.
"Be safe," she said.
"Of course," Caesar replied with a wide grin. "Last mission for me. It's guaranteed to be a success."
"Uh huh," Lee said, rolling his eyes. He grunted when Maya ran full force at him and threw her arms around his waist.
"Bye," she said.
"Bye," he said back. She looked up at him.
"Love you."
"Love you too, kid," Lee said, ruffling her hair.
"You'll come back?" she asked again. She was trying not to sound nervous or worried. He rested a hand on her cheek.
"I'll come back," he answered. He knew that was a big risk, promising that. He couldn't keep doing this; he knew that. Satisfied, she pushed off and ran back to Louis, and they ran around to the backyard. Lee and Caesar waved to Tia as they got into the truck. Then they were gone.
...
Caesar looked at Lee as he drove. He always felt a pang of sadness whenever he looked at either Lee or Maya. He hated that they'd lost Emily the way they had. He wished he had been able to do more. He also felt sad for Toll, who had spent a lot of time processing losing Serena and trying to make sense of it.
"So," Lee said after a bit. "Last one, eh?"
"Yea. Tia's relieved," Caesar answered. "I am too. Honestly, I've been dodging bullets for too long now."
"Will you miss it?"
"Maybe. I don't know," Caesar replied honestly. He scratched his head absently. "I've got other plans, though. Do some traveling. Maybe just get a mediocre job somewhere. Have a life."
"Sounds nice."
"You ever gonna quit?"
"I don't know," Lee answered quietly, looking ahead and gripping the wheel tight. Caesar knew that Lee didn't really know any other life outside of being a soldier.
"You gonna put Maya in school?"
"Yea. She's better off there."
"You've got the papers now. They won't take her away."
Lee said nothing, but Caesar knew that was a big fear of his. He couldn't imagine what they'd all go through if Maya got taken away.
"You know anything about the guy Barney is rescuing?" Lee asked, changing the subject.
"Not a clue, but apparently he's good."
"We'll see," Lee muttered. Caesar smirked.
A Few Days Later
Lee stared ahead as Barney flew the chopper towards the train. Toll was behind him. Gunner was on the other side. Caesar was waiting in Somalia for them. He was doing recon.
Lee didn't ask questions about who they were rescuing, but he gathered they were important enough to Barney to warrant the mission. When Barney got them within range, he jumped down with Toll and Gunner to climb down into the train and get to work. They walked straight, taking down targets as they went. Lee was in the front with Gunner and Toll flanking behind him. They approached the place where the prisoner was being kept, and they broke into it. Lee stared at the restrained man sitting there with headgear on, who was staring back at him. Something in his eyes told Lee he was a bit numbed out.
"Come on," Toll said, and Lee stepped forward to cut this man free. When he was done, the man stood and stared straight ahead.
"What's going on?" Barney's voice asked in their comms.
"Your man's wiggin' out," Toll answered. Lee passed a hand in front of the man's eyes, and he got no response.
"Come on," he ordered, stepping around him and heading back to the exit with Gunner and Toll. The man followed until they were on top of the train. He looked at Barney and then he turned and ran in the opposite direction.
"This guy's not worth it," Lee said angrily as Barney lifted them in the air and kept following the train.
"He is to me," Barney answered. Lee resisted commenting further. This was supposed to be fast and easy. They weren't supposed to be at high risk doing this. They watched as the man unleashed hell on his captors. Lee felt antsy the closer they got to the building at the end of the tracks.
"Doc!" Barney shouted. After a moment of nothing, he shouted again. "DOC!"
The man eventually jumped up and leaped to grab the leg of the chopper just in time, and Barney yanked them hard to the right and flew away. The train crashed into the building below them with a mighty roar and explosion. Lee felt his heart rate settle back down slowly at the near miss. He went back to feeling aggravated by this man's recklessness. Toll grabbed the man's hand and hauled him inside the chopper, and they flew to where Barney's plane was waiting.
...
Maya was in deep concentration, pencil in hand. Tia was teaching her how to draw, and she wanted to get it just right. Louis was working quickly, but she noticed hers wasn't perfect.
"Baby, you know it doesn't have to be perfect, right?" Tia asked, leaning over Maya's shoulder and reading her mind.
"Yes, it does."
"No," Tia disagreed. "It's art. It's your perspective. You don't have to be a slave to your photo you're working from. You can make changes...alterations. You can do whatever you want with it. It's yours."
"I like it to be perfect."
"You'll get hung up on that and won't be able to do it well," Tia explained. "Don't let perfection block what you can actually do."
Maya knew her honorary aunt was right, but she didn't want to agree. She liked perfection. She liked getting 100%. Lee always had to talk her down if she only got an 80 on a test, explaining that there was always room to grow, that no one can know everything all the time. It was logical, but she struggled with it.
She loved that he was her father. She missed her mother every single day, sometimes so much it hurt, but she was happy with Lee and all her honorary uncles. Gunner was her favorite. He'd sneak her a treat sometimes when Lee wasn't looking.
"Don't be afraid to shade dark for shadows," Tia added before tapping the table and moving to stand behind Louis next. Maya feared going too dark. She knew you couldn't erase dark shading but could always add to it later if it was needed. She knew it made the photo pop and come to life, though. As she worked, she thought about Lee. She hoped he was safe. Sometimes he came home with cuts and bruises, and she felt sure that his job was more than just talking to people. She had been surprised that he'd confirmed he sometimes shot people, but she'd known that since the night he'd killed Ethan. She knew about military men and knew her adopted family had something to do with that kind of work. She was going to use the computer later to read more about military and negotiating to see if they were connected.
"Alright," Tia said. "Snack time."
Louis dropped his pencil instantly and pushed his chair back. He hurried to the kitchen behind Tia, and Maya slowly put her pencil down and looked after them. She felt a pang of jealousy as Tia ruffled Louis's hair and smiled down at him. She missed her mother. The ache in her chest was always there no matter how hard she tried to make it go away.
"You coming, baby?" Tia asked, looking at her.
"Yea," Maya answered. For a moment, she pretended Tia was her mother. She imagined her mother's face, her smile, and her voice. For a moment, she felt okay.
And then it was shattered like always, and Maya was left trying to keep all the pieces of her broken heart together like usual.
...
Lee was pretty sure Doc was insane. His eyes definitely portrayed a level of craziness at times, especially when he bulged them out. He bristled inside when Doc made a comment about his tattoo. It was clear that Barney and Doc had rapport, which made him feel slightly jealous. He also didn't like no longer being the only knife specialist on the team.
"Jing a ling, jing a ling," Doc said now, and Lee tuned him out. He looked out the window and wondered what awaited them in Somalia.
Hours Later
Barney felt like everything happened in slow motion. When they emerged from the water after the explosion, he looked around at his soaking wet team who were shouting at one another as they hauled Caesar out of the water.
Caesar.
He was screaming in pain. Barney managed to pull himself out and stumble to where they'd set him down. Doc was moving fast, trying to patch it up somehow. Barney reached to grab Caesar's hand, and the big man clenched it so hard that Barney thought his hand might have broke a little. Toll was holding his shoulders down while Gunner and Lee were at either side of him. All of them felt helpless. Barney felt enraged.
Conrad Stonebanks.
The man was still alive. He couldn't understand it. How was it possible? And if he was alive, then no one was safe. That was a guarantee, and Barney couldn't have that.
"Barney!" Lee shouted in his ear, making him come back to the present. They were all working to get Caesar up and carried back to the plane. He walked with them, still holding Caesar's hand tightly. When they got him in the plane, Doc put him out, and Barney walked like a zombie to the pilot's seat and started the plane. Lee sat in the back with the others, Caesar on the floor at their feet. The whole scene played through Barney's head over and over again as he flew, the dog tags jingling behind him the entire way.
...
Toll couldn't stand it. Watching his best friend suffer and hover on the brink of death was making him feel more pain than he could take. Every day was painful enough from mourning Serena; he couldn't lose Caesar too.
They loaded Caesar into the back of the van. Doc was monitoring vitals and such as Barney drove. Toll reached to hang onto Caesar's hand, willing his friend to be okay. He met Lee's eyes and saw he was just as afraid. Gunner was in the passenger seat trying to make sure Barney didn't kill them all with his driving to get to the hospital.
Once at the hospital, they were left behind as the hospital staff loaded Caesar onto a stretcher and wheeled him away. Toll went to walk off his emotions, knowing he had to keep it together for Tia, Louis, and Maya.
It was all he could do right now.
...
Maya didn't understand what was happening when Tia drove like a madwoman to the hospital. Louis was in the backseat with Maya, and he was afraid too. When they got there, Tia almost forgot about them in the car. Thankfully, Lee was outside waiting, so he came to get them while Tia raced inside.
"Dad," Maya said, jumping out and hugging him tightly. He had new cuts and bruises, and he looked exhausted and sad. She suddenly felt scared. Was Uncle Caesar dead?
"Hey, kid," he said, hugging her back tightly.
"Is my dad okay?" Louis asked, his voice small. Lee reached to wrap a hand around Louis's head and pulled him in for a hug too. Maya made room for him, putting an arm around him.
"I don't know, bud," Lee said truthfully, something Maya loved about him but also hated at times. Times like this.
"I'm scared," Louis said, sniffing hard. He was trying not to cry.
"Me too," Lee admitted, his fingers curling against Maya's shoulders tighter. "Me too."
She wasn't sure how to feel now, knowing he was just as scared. Weren't adults supposed to be brave? She felt confused.
"Come on," Lee said after a moment. "Let's go inside." Maya took his right hand, and Louis took his left, and the three of them walked into the uncertainty of the situation before them.