July 2013
Emily came to with a gasp and sat up quickly. She saw Church to her left; he was already looking at her, his eyes showing tiredness, hardness, and sadness. From the way they were moving, she surmised they were in the back of a van.
"Welcome back," he said. She blinked. He was sitting next to one of his team members, who was sitting there silently. He had light brown hair that was spiked a bit, some scruff, blue eyes, and some dirt on his face over a summer tan. She focused on Church, the question in her head she needed answered right now.
"Maya?!"
"She's fine. Barney's got her." He nodded as he spoke, and she felt huge relief inside. Her daughter was alive. She was safe.
"Where are we?" Emily asked now.
"On our way to a safe house," Church answered.
"Oh."
"This is Jesse," Church went on. "He'll be working with you."
"'Sup?" Jesse said, his voice having a bit of a drawl to it. Emily pressed her lips together into a tight smile and nodded back at him with a muted "hello" in return. She hadn't expected to have company, but really, how was she going to do this by herself?
"Han is waiting at the safe house. He will also be assisting you."
"Okay," she said hesitantly. Her alone with two men? She guessed it would have to do. She felt slightly uncomfortable, though.
"They don't bite," Church advised, a bit of a smirk on his lips as if he could read her mind. She sat up straighter and tried to appear stronger than she felt.
"So where is Fred? Have you managed to track him?" she asked.
"We got him heading to Vegas," Church answered.
"Vegas?"
"Yea, we don't get it either."
"He's going to make some money," Jesse piped up now, giving Church a look that said "isn't it obvious?" He rolled his eyes a bit and snorted before looking out the window.
"Obviously," Church said, sounding slightly annoyed. "But I feel there's more to it than that."
"When am I going there?" Emily asked.
"First thing tomorrow morning."
Emily nodded. She was tracking Fred. She was going to take him down. No one said anything else for the rest of the ride, and when they got to their destination, she got out last. Church went inside within moments. Jesse faltered, waiting for her.
"You okay?" he asked her.
"I'm fine," she answered. She was far from fine. Her friend was dead. Lee thought she was dead. So did Maya...
"You look a bit woozy," he pointed out. He reached to pull a bottle of water out of his backpack now and handed it to her. "Here. You're gonna need this."
She took it because she was thirsty. She thanked him and unscrewed the top before taking big swigs. She was wiping her mouth with her sleeve when the man she figured to be Han stepped out of the safe house and walked towards her. He fist bumped Jesse on the way by, and Jesse soon disappeared into the house.
"Hi," Han said. "You must be Emily." Black hair just below his ears, black eyes, and South Korean descent. He had an easy smile and a laid back nature about him.
"Yes," she confirmed. "Han, right?"
"That's me."
"I appreciate you helping me."
"I don't typically like having terrorists running about wild and free," Han stated. "Pisses me off."
"Well, I have studied him for eight years. I know his habits," she advised. He let out a low whistle.
"That's a long time to be on a job."
"It is, but it'll be worth it when I get him."
Han smiled and nodded, and he ushered her inside. Emily went to shower and change, thankful she'd had a bag packed by the door that Church had grabbed before they left the island. She was walking to the kitchen to get something to eat when she heard the voices. Curious, she moved closer to hear better.
"You sure about this?" Jesse was asking. "She's not trained for the field, Church. She puts us at risk."
"Then just leave her in a hotel room and find Fred yourself," Church answered. Emily felt her blood boiling at this point. How could he do that to her after all she'd given up to do this? She stepped away and waited for Jesse to leave before going to Church's office only to catch him in the hallway.
Church looked at her, eyebrow raised. She stared back at him.
"Well," he said. "That was a shit show."
"I didn't realize," she said sarcastically.
"You know what you have to do now, right?"
"I know."
"Can you do it?"
"Of course. I gave it all up to do it, didn't I?" She gave him a scathing look, and he bobbed his head. He knew. She held up the photograph in her fingers to face him. "Fred's mine, Church. You owe me that much after the hell I went through." Her meaning was clear. No one was going to be leaving her behind to do a job she was going to finish. From his expression, he understood.
"You got it."
She watched him shake his head and walk back into his office. She took some breaths. It was done. She could only imagine the hurt left in her wake, but hers was just as strong. She turned and walked out of the building, pulling the hood up over her head as she did so to go stand in the growing darkness and listen to the night sounds starting. It was a long road to get back to normal now, and she wondered if she'd ever get there.
Or if she'd even be forgiven after reaching the end of it.
Present Day
Lee was quiet again, but Emily waited him out. He didn't know what to say; his brain was spinning once more. Fred had shot her. If she hadn't been wearing a vest...
He didn't want to think about that.
"It took you almost two years trying to catch him," he said finally.
"He's smart," Emily stated. "He was always a few steps ahead of us. Then he found me, and I guess he wanted to lure out Barney and all of you for some reason."
"We killed his boss," Lee told her. "He probably wants revenge."
"Ah, you're probably right."
"Did Barney tell you that, then? That he killed Stonebanks?" Lee asked, feeling the tightness in his stomach again over his friend's betrayal.
"No."
"So this team of yours," he said next. "Where are they now?"
Emily opened her mouth to answer when someone burst through the door. Within seconds, Lee had the gun from his cupboard drawer in his hand and pointed at the intruder.
"Stop!" she cried, reaching to grab Lee's arm and pull it down. Lee stared at the man, who was lowering his gun as well.
"Em?" the guy said as a question. Then relief hit his face, and he stepped closer to her. "Em, you're okay."
Lee stared as this man caught Emily's face and kissed her. He dropped his hand with the gun to his side, and a laugh started to bubble out of him. It didn't take long before he lost it and sounded like a crazy person. By this point, Emily had pulled away from the man and was trying to get Lee's attention.
"Lee," she said. "Listen to me..."
"You love me, huh?" he interrupted. "Loved me so much that you shagged another bloke while you were on vacation?"
"No!"
"I'm out," Lee said, moving to leave and grabbing his keys. He just didn't want to be there anymore. Emily chased after him as he headed for his truck.
"Lee, I swear. I didn't do anything with him..."
"That little snog says otherwise," Lee retorted, yanking open the truck door.
"I didn't...please just let me finish the story," she begged. He gave her a look and climbed up into the driver's seat. He pulled the door shut after and cranked the engine to life.
"Lee!" she shouted, but he locked the doors. He began to drive away.
...
Emily was feeling such despair. She hadn't anticipated that kiss happening, and she needed Lee to understand she only wanted him. She couldn't get into the cab of the truck, so she ran to the back and caught the tailgate with her hand before he started driving. She hauled herself up and tipped herself over into the box of the truck with a heavy thud. She cried out in pain but pushed through it. She got up and moved to smack her hand on the glass when Lee hit the brakes and sent her crashing into it instead. She cried out even louder and fell onto her back. The truck stopped entirely, and she heard Lee get out and walk around.
"Emily? What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, and she managed to turn her head to see him. Despite all that anger, she could see he still cared about her. She held onto that with all her heart.
"Taking drastic measures," she answered.
"I'm done," he said, shaking his head. "I don't want to hear anymore."
"I love you, Lee," she said strongly, slowly sitting up. Everything hurt right now. "I'm not lying."
"Get out," he ordered, but she shook her head back at him.
"No," she said stubbornly. She moved to sit cross legged to prove her point. Lee stood there grinding his jaw as he looked at her.
"Emily!"
She turned towards the voice and saw the problem coming after them at full speed, and she didn't want to deal with it. She pulled herself up, hopped out, and then hustled to the driver's side.
"Oye!" Lee exclaimed.
"Get in!" she ordered, slamming the door and unlocking the truck. He was in the passenger side a moment later, and she drove off.
"What the hell?" he asked, twisting to look out the back window at the person running behind them before they slowed to a stop and stood watching them leave.
"I told you," Emily said, turning onto the main road and stepping on it. "The only person my heart belongs to is you." She glanced over at him, and he moved his head from looking out the window to her, and she could see that a part of him believed her. She'd do anything to prove it.
"So who was that?" he asked, and she sighed.
"I have to tell you the beginning first."
He made a slightly disgruntled sound in his throat but turned back to face the front in his seat again, hands in his lap.
August 2013
It was the beginning of August, and Emily felt the countdown to Maya's birthday starting. She felt so bad that she was going to miss it. She ached with missing her little girl every day. She'd sent Barney a postcard for her as a way of letting her know she was okay. Emily wondered if Maya would tell Lee, but she knew her little girl would probably keep it to herself for safety reasons, which made her feel even worse because when Lee found out, it would kill him. She hoped that by this point, maybe Barney and/or Maya had told Lee, but she wouldn't find out until later.
She stood and looked at herself in the mirror now. She was decked out all fancy in her black dress that showed too much cleavage for her liking and a slit on the left side just under her thigh. She'd put her hair up, letting some pieces curl down and rest against her cheeks.
"You ready?" Han asked, coming in and leaning forward a bit against the vanity to adjust his tie in the mirror. He looked sharp in his black three piece suit.
"Yea," Emily answered. She could feel Jesse sulking in the other room. He'd lost the coin toss and was stuck being the eye in the sky.
"Gotta be fast and furious," Han said, giving himself a onceover after getting his tie right.
"Furious?" Emily inquired.
"Well, I am," Han told her. "Fred makes my blood boil."
"What did he do to you?"
"It's not what he did to me personally, it's what he is in general."
"Ah."
Han flashed her a smile and then left. She followed right after, grabbing her clutch and feeling her heart pounding. They were going to find Fred in the casino. If they timed it right, they could get him, and this would all be over.
"I should've gone," Jesse muttered when Emily walked by.
"You should've picked tails," she retorted, and he gave her a startled look as if he was surprised she'd heard him. Then he smiled.
"You look nice," he commented. She kept her look level and even. He held it.
"I'm in love with someone," she said firmly. Jesse gave a slight scoff.
"The hotheaded mercenary? You sure he'll still love you after what you did to him?"
Emily felt her heart constrict because she was pretty sure Jesse was right, but she didn't want to admit that. He smiled again and went to sit in front of his laptop.
"You ready?" Han asked, sticking his head around the corner.
"I'm always ready for breaking bad," Jesse answered.
"What?" Emily asked, confused.
"Raising hell," Han explained. "And I told you to stop watching that show without me."
"Ya, whatever," Jesse said, waving his hand. He pulled the cigarette from behind his ear and stuck it into his mouth unlit.
"And anyway, I was talking to Emily, not you," Han added. He looked at her now. "You ready?"
"Yes." She went to join him, and he put his arm through hers. She reached to slightly adjust her blonde wig as they got into the cab.
"I still think we should have gone with a limo," Jesse's voice said in the comm in her ear. Han gave a snort.
"We don't have a budget for that," he replied.
Emily tuned out their bickering. She'd learned that they'd worked together for almost ten years, so they knew each other very well. She looked out the window and watched all the lights pass by. She'd never been to Vegas before; all the flashing signs gave her a headache. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on their mission. Fred favored the blackjack tables, so the plan was to catch him there. Something was niggling in the back of her brain, though. It was telling her this was a bad idea.
"Emily?"
She opened her eyes and looked at Han. "Huh?"
"I said: Did you want to come from the right while I cover the left?"
"Um...sure," she answered. Did it matter? She was unarmed. Han was the one with the gun under his jacket. She just wanted to look Fred in the eyes as they took him away. She wanted him to know that she'd done this to him.
"Han doesn't do right," Jesse said now. Han rolled his eyes.
"It's easier."
Emily noticed the cab driver was giving them funny looks in the rear view mirror. She nudged Han, and he understood what she was getting at.
"We'll talk later," he murmured, turning his face to look out his window while Emily watched the driver. After a moment, the driver was banging his fist on the steering wheel and cursing at another driver in a foreign language. Emily was always fascinated by languages. She wished she knew a bunch of them. She stayed quiet until they arrived and reluctantly took Han's arm as they walked inside. If she was honest, she was scared of Fred recognizing her. What she'd done will have been for nothing if he did.
"It's okay if you want to sit this out," Han said, pausing with her before they entered the main room. Emily took in some breaths.
"I'm good," she promised. He gave a slight nod, and they were moving again. Emily scanned everything and everyone. She didn't see Fred, but that didn't mean he wasn't there.
"Yo, what's happening?" Jesse's voice asked.
"We don't see him," Han answered, looking at the blackjack tables. Emily heard Jesse curse a bit before clearing his throat.
"Alright. I'll see what our guy has to say about it."
"Take your time," Han said, slightly sarcastic. He took them to the bar, but Emily declined a drink. Han sipped his beer as he leaned against the bar top and scanned the crowd.
"You have a daughter," he said casually, making Emily look at him.
"I do."
"What are you gonna do when you suddenly come back to life?" His eyes weren't judgmental, just curious. She swallowed.
"She knows I'm alive."
"You told her?"
"I sent a postcard."
"Won't that make it worse?"
"How so?"
"You've left her behind...abandoned her. She knows you're out here in the world without her, that you made that choice. Isn't that worse than being dead?"
"I..." Emily hadn't thought of it that way. She sincerely thought her daughter would understand, but what if she didn't? What if Maya hated her for doing this?
"Something to think about," Han said, popping something into his mouth and chewing it before pushing himself off the counter and moving through the crowd again. Emily followed.
"Guys?" Jesse's voice asked.
"Go ahead," Han answered.
"He's gone."
Emily and Han looked at each other, confused.
"Gone?" Han repeated.
"As in left the country," Jesse added. "His private jet took off two hours ago."
Emily felt her heart sink low and like she could start crying. They were supposed to get him today. She was supposed to be able to go home.
"Next time," Han said, reaching to pat her shoulder and sensing her distress. "We'll get him next time."
He started to walk towards the exit, and Emily stood there feeling anguish inside. A moment later, she hung her head and walked out after him.
Present Day
"Why?" Lee asked. They were parked in a gravel parking lot somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Emily had her hands on her lap with her head slightly bowed. "Why didn't she tell me?"
"There were a few moments in our past where I had told her it was imperative that no one knew what we were doing for our safety, so I guess she thought this was one of those times."
"If she knew you were alive, then why...?" he trailed off. Why had she pushed him to date Lacy?
"I only sent her that one postcard," Emily answered. "I had promised her one year, and when that passed without me coming back, she would have assumed the worst."
That explained her sudden depression around the year mark of Emily's "death." Lee felt angry that Maya had to go through any of this. He felt angst that she hadn't trusted him to tell him the truth. Had she been afraid of his anger? He felt bad if this was the case.
"What about Barney?" he asked next.
"I saw him a month ago," she replied. "That's when he gave me the knife. I...I'd told him how much I missed you, and he said while it wasn't one of yours, it was the same style and that it could remind me of you whenever I looked at it and keep me safe."
Lee studied her, and she finally looked at him. He knew she wasn't lying. She bit her lip and looked away again.
"He told me to come home," Emily added softly. "And I wanted to, but Fred had discovered our safe house, had possibly seen me, so I knew he was looking for us and if I came home and he saw me, I'd lead him straight to Maya." She'd answered an unasked question as to why she hadn't just come back instead of letting Maya believe she was dead, but Lee still felt like she should have let Fred go and come back regardless.
"I really think," he started.
"Don't," she cut him off, looking at him once more. "Don't say it. I already know. I already beat myself up for it every single day. I should have come back, but Lee...I couldn't stop fearing Fred would somehow find us. It drove me to stay away until it was finished. Don't sit there and tell me that if roles had been reversed, you wouldn't have taken the time to finish the job because I know you would have!"
He held her gaze, knowing she was right to some degree. If it was his child, he'd do anything to keep them safe. On the other hand, if he had his team ready and able, he would have utilized them.
"You're right, but you had us to help you, and we would have helped you. We kept Maya safe all this time, so she would have been safe if you were working with us."
Emily looked upset again, and Lee knew that she'd been thinking about this a lot.
"Maybe so, but in the end, I am glad she wasn't around me when Fred did find me."
"Where were you when he found you?"
She shifted, and he waited, wondering and having an idea what she was going to say.
"On the island," she answered.
"The island," he repeated. "What the hell were you doing there?"
"It seemed like a good idea at the time after he found our safe house. We didn't think Fred would ever go back there."
"So how did he end up getting you?"
"Someone betrayed me," she answered quietly. "It's the only thing I can think of because only four people knew I was there."
"You have someone in mind?"
"Yea, I do," she replied softly, her voice pained. Lee waited, and she pressed a hand to her face and closed her eyes briefly. "I trust you, Lee. 100%."
"Where was that 22 months ago?" he challenged. She dropped her hand and sighed heavily.
"That version of myself was an idiot, and I wish I could go back and change it, but I can't. What I need you to understand now is that I need you, Lee. I need you, and you're the only one I trust right now."
"Barney wouldn't have," Lee began, needing her to realize Barney didn't betray people.
"Maybe not directly," she interrupted. "I don't know and I have to be careful right now."
"If you don't trust him, then you don't trust me," Lee stated firmly. She met his eyes with hers.
"I'm not saying he ratted me out, Lee. I'm saying maybe someone he talked to did."
"He wouldn't have told anyone," Lee insisted. "Emily, he didn't even tell me, and I'm supposed to be his best friend who was in love with you and devastated by your loss."
She contemplated his words and nodded slowly. "You're right. I'm just being paranoid."
"What happened after Vegas?" Lee prompted.
"We spent time tracking and searching, and he popped up again in Rome in the spring."
He waited, and she caught on that he was wanting her to continue her story. She was about to when her phone rang. Lee was startled by it, not realizing she had one. She looked at it and silenced it before putting it away again.
"Who was it?"
"Church," she answered. He looked at her and realized Church was the person she suspected right now for betraying her.
"If you don't trust him, you should turn off your location on there."
"I did."
He breathed evenly, wishing the pain in his head would stop throbbing. "Go on, then." He looked at her, and she nodded, beginning again.
June 2014
It was almost summer again, and Emily was dying to be done with all of this. She sat and pored over maps and conversations that had been eavesdropped on and interpreted. She wasn't getting anywhere with it, and it was frustrating the hell out of her.
"Pfffttarrgghhyaaaberdabbygargh!" Jesse exclaimed, making her startle. She saw that his head was in his hands, his hair sticking straight up through is fingers and his face showing extreme irritation.
"What?" she asked.
"This guy is a ghost," Jesse answered, "and I'm sick of trying to find him. It's like trying to find a needle in a haystack."
"The needle is there, though," Han advised, overhearing. "It's just the labor of removing each piece of hay that's time consuming, but it can be done."
"Oh my God, shut up," Jesse growled, looking over at Han. His hands were still gripping his head.
"I'm just trying to be positive."
"Well, it's annoying."
Hear, hear, Emily thought to herself. She'd gotten to know these men in the last while, and she recognized that Han was the cool one who rationalized things or looked for the positives. Jesse was the hothead who'd freak out if his coffee mug was moved without his permission, but then he'd show a softer side where he'd get out and move a turtle off the road so it wouldn't get hit. Out of both of them, she could feel Jesse leaning into her more and more. She wished he wouldn't.
Her back straightened suddenly, as she picked up a piece of paper with something on it that seemed important.
"Hey," she said, reaching to smack Jesse's arm.
"Ow," he retorted irritably.
"Look at this," she ordered, ignoring him. She handed him the paper, and he dropped one hand dramatically onto the table while reaching for it with his other hand. Han came over to look over his shoulder.
"Nice catch," he said. "We can use this."
"Don't say it," Jesse groaned.
"See? Needle found," Han stated with a triumphant grin. Jesse groaned again, louder, and dropped his forehead onto the table. Han took the paper from his hand holding it up and went to call Church.
"Almost there, Jesse," Emily said, and he lifted his head to look at her. His eyes were slightly bloodshot from lack of sleep.
"I've been hearing that for a long time, Em," he advised. "I've come to the conclusion that it's never going to end. We're gonna be stuck in this forever because there's always something or someone that needs to be dealt with or that they always get away. My advice? Get out while you still can."
Emily said nothing as he pushed himself up and went for more coffee. She was going to get out when Fred was gone. She had zero interest in pursuing other people for the CIA. She was finished with that. She got up and found Han, who was finishing up with Church.
"Well?" she asked.
"We're gonna start planning," he answered. "Good job, Em."
She smiled grimly, and he patted her shoulder before going back to sit with Jesse and go over the specifics of the job. She went to bed, needing to sleep. The last thing she thought about was her baby girl and the man who was now raising her.