June 2014

After a week of planning, they got it figured out. Emily signed up to be the eye in the sky for this one as she didn't want to feel that anxiety again being on the ground and facing Fred possibly. Also, this time was a higher risk of escalation in a more dangerous environment, and she didn't feel quite confident enough to be involved in that.

"You'll cover...?" Han started.

"The right, yes. God," Jesse growled. "How many jobs have we done together? I get it. You do left...always left."

"Thanks," Han said cheerily, loading his pistol and holstering it. Jesse muttered under his breath as he picked up his shotgun and checked it over. He already had his Kevlar on, as did Han.

"Be careful," Emily said, feeling the need to say it. They both looked at her.

"Sure thing, Ma," Jesse replied sarcastically.

"Ignore him. He's cranky because he lost at cards last night," Han advised. "But thank you for the sentiment. We will be."

"I did not lose," Jesse retorted. "You cheated!"

"Did not."

Emily had to walk away to avoid listening to another bicker fest. If she was honest, it reminded her of Lee and Barney, and it made her ache with missing them both, specifically Lee. She sat down behind the computer monitors and put her headset on, trying to keep the memory of him at bay for just a little bit. She drove herself mad with thinking about him sometimes, and she was afraid he would hate her after this was over and she came back. She kept convincing herself that he'd understand, that he'd have done it himself if roles were reversed, but the fear was still there. She couldn't bear to lose him, to be rejected by him, but she had to prepare herself for that.

"Sorry," Jesse said, making her turn to see him in the doorway. "I was being an ass; you didn't deserve that."

"I appreciate it."

"I'll be careful," he promised with a smile. She gave a smile back. He tapped the doorframe with his fingers and left. Emily got settled in her chair, waiting for everything to start.

Present Day

Emily's phone ringing again interrupted, and she silenced it once more. Lee knew it was Church again based on her expression.

"So what happened?" Lee asked when Emily didn't continue. "Obviously you didn't get him."

"We didn't," she confirmed. "It was a shit show, and Fred got away." Her phone rang again, and this time, Lee snatched it from her hand and answered it.

"Lee!" Emily exclaimed, but he pulled out of her reach.

"What's up, Church?" Lee asked.

"Ah, the angry Brit finally knows what's going on," Church replied sarcastically. Lee gripped the phone a bit tighter, still fighting Emily off with his other hand.

"A lot of trouble would have been saved if you had just told us," Lee retorted.

"I don't have to answer to you, Christmas," Church snapped. "Where is Emily? Put her on the phone."

"She doesn't want to talk to you, or did you not get that from your calls being ignored?"

"You tell her that we have an in," Church went on, ignoring him. "Alright? You tell her that. We have an in, and it's gonna bring Fred down. Tell her to call me!" He hung up, and Lee snapped the phone shut before handing it back to Emily.

"What the hell, Lee?" she asked, irritated.

"He says he has an in," Lee told her. "To get Fred."

"He always does," she muttered.

"He sounded persistent."

"I'm done with it," Emily advised strongly. "I don't care what in he has. I'm done with it, and I want to go home." Her voice wavered slightly at the end, and he watched her look away and press a hand to her face.

"What happened on the job, Em?" he asked.

"Jesse and Han got there and infiltrated his safe house, but he somehow knew they were coming and they got ambushed. They nearly died."

"Is that when you decided to shag the one?"

"Oh my God." Emily sighed wearily. "You know what? I can't have this argument with you. Believe me or don't, but nothing happened."

"So you lost Fred and spent the next year finding him again."

"Actually, we found him in August," Emily stated. "When Stonebanks was killed."

Lee felt his skin prickle. Had he and Emily been in the same place at the same time? He didn't know what to say, and she was watching him carefully.

"Were you there?" he asked, unable to help himself. "In Azmenistan?"

"Yes," she whispered. Lee clenched his jaw slightly. "But I didn't know you were there, and I stayed back to surveil while Han and Jesse did the ground work. Church wanted us to get both Fred and Stonebanks, but Barney beat us to Stonebanks. We found that out after."

"I see."

"They weren't in the same location you were," Emily added. "We were on Fred's trail after he fled that scene. He was too fast for us, though."

"Barney saw him," Lee said, remembering. "You said you saw him a month ago?"

"Yes. Church was quite upset about it, but he insisted on speaking with me."

"Why?"

"I told you. To tell me to come home," she answered quietly. Her eyes met his, and he didn't know what to say. "He wanted to take over the hunt. He wanted me to stop and come back to Maya, to you."

"But you didn't," Lee said, remembering and feeling hurt again.

"I'd convinced myself at this point that you were both better off without me," she confessed. Lee studied her face and saw she wasn't lying.

"You did, or did someone else?" he asked. She looked away, and he got his answer. He clenched a fist on his leg, wondering which one had done it.

June 2014

Shouts, gunfire, and then nothing. Emily sat there stunned. She stared at the monitors as each screen went dark one at a time. A message went across her screen now.

Better luck next time.

"Oh my God," she said, pressing the mouthpiece of the headset closer to her mouth. "Han? Jesse? Anybody?!" No one answered, and she panicked. She called Church.

"What?" he asked, irritated.

"I think Han and Jesse are dead."

There was silence, and then there was a lot of swearing. She listened as Church railed on about Fred and Stonebanks and blank blank liars and sons of bitches and every other name in the book he could use.

"Where are you?" he asked now once he'd stopped.

"In the safe house," she answered. "I was eye in the sky."

"Get out," he barked. "Right now."

"But..."

"Now!"

He hung up on her, and she ripped her headset off. She knew she had to enact on the safety plan they'd set up if this failed. She honestly hadn't thought she'd have to use it. She grabbed everything she could before bursting outside and pulling her hood up over her head. She walked casually, pretending nothing was wrong. Inside, though, her heart was racing and she wanted to cry. Thinking that Han and Jesse were dead was a devastating thought. She'd mostly kept her distance, but she hadn't been able to escape getting to know them a little bit. Neither of them deserved that kind of ending.

She got to the next safe house and tried to get settled, but it was hard. She couldn't stop imagining what happened to Jesse and Han. She paced, wringing her hands. She'd be truly alone here now. She wondered why she was still doing this. What was the point? Fred was too good. He was always one step ahead. He'd end them all.

Except he didn't know she was still alive.

Emily went to stand in the living room, staring at the wall and feeling numb. She had a gun but didn't want to kill anyone. She wasn't the best shot, but Han and Jesse had made her practice enough times to at least know what she was doing and hit a target. They'd joked that she'd at least maim the target so they could finish the job.

She pressed her hands into her face, wondering when Church was going to contact her with next steps when the door burst open. She instantly grabbed her gun and aimed it towards the intruder, and she found a very bloody Jesse with a limping Han practically dragging him in.

"Emily!" he exclaimed. "Thank God! I thought he'd gotten you!"

"You're okay," she gasped, lowering her gun. "What happened?!"

"Ambush," Han answered, hauling Jesse to the bathroom. Jesse was coughing and moaning in pain the entire trip. Han set him on the floor and began to work on fixing him up. Emily could only watch, and she could see how much of a partnership these two had just by the way Han took care of Jesse.

"Ahhhh, hurry up will ya?!" Jesse howled as Han worked as fast as he could. Some other foul language came out of him next until Han cuffed him in the one spot he wasn't bleeding.

"Save your energy," he advised, but he was ignored. Jesse yelled in pain during the disinfecting stage, and Emily had to turn away at this point. She went to sit on the couch and put her hands over her ears to drown out Jesse's shrieks.

When it was finally over, Han came out looking battle weary and fell back onto the armchair next to her. He was breathing hard and looked like a disaster. A moment later, Jesse came out. Emily was astounded he could even walk, but it was an effort from the look of it.

"Your turn," Jesse said to Han, who shook his head. "Yes, come on. You can't leave your leg like that." He gestured, and Han begrudgingly got up. Emily saw that nurturing side of Jesse in this moment. Despite being half dead, he was taking care of his partner. She noticed Han did not make much noise during his clean up.

"Show off," Jesse muttered as she leaned against the doorway and observed. Han's eyes were closed, and he almost looked like he was sleeping. "I oughta stab a fork in ya to make sure you're even still alive!"

"Shhh," Han replied. "I'm trying to meditate."

"You can't meditate your way out of pain."

"Sure can," Han argued. "Try it sometime."

"I'm kinda busy at the moment," Jesse retorted sarcastically.

"He got away," Emily said when they were quiet for a bit. Jesse looked over at her and gave a nod with a gruff sound in his throat.

"He knew we were coming," Han stated. "Not sure how."

Emily was beginning to wonder if there was a mole in their midst, but she didn't know how to voice it. She watched as Jesse finished up and Han sat up slowly.

"Thanks, man," he said to Jesse, who nodded and grunted in response. He looked pale and unwell as he sat on the floor and leaned against the wall.

"You need a hospital," Emily told him, and he smiled grimly.

"First place they'll look," he replied. "Spy Shit 101, you know."

Emily felt slightly disgruntled, but it made sense. He got up after a moment and went to lie down. Han did as well. Emily tried to sleep, but it was fitful. She had nightmares where it was Lee half dead and barely hanging on as she tried and failed to save him.

She gave up after an hour, going to sit in the living room again. When the sun rose twenty minutes later, that was when Church arrived.

"Someone call for blood?" he said when he came into view. She shuddered at the sight of the bags of blood and IV stuff.

"In here," Han's voice answered, and Church went to where Jesse was resting. Emily did not want to witness that, so she stayed put. When it was over, Church came out and sat down across from her, folding his hands.

"I'm gonna ask you one question," he said.

"Okay..."

"If you lie to me, and I find out, that's it for you."

"Church, what are you talking about?"

"Did you give Fred intel that we were coming?" he cut her off. His steely eyes bore into hers, and while Emily felt sheer outrage at his insanity, she knew being super angry showed as defensiveness, which was associated with being guilty. She took a breath, still holding his gaze.

"No, Church, I did not," she answered. He kept staring, and she felt like he was going to stare forever when he finally sat back.

"Then we have a problem," Church advised.

"Why?"

"You didn't do it. Han and Jesse sure as hell didn't do it, so who is out there feeding Fred with intel to keep him ahead of us?"

"I don't know."

Church sighed heavily and muttered to himself. "Alright. I'll go figure this out. I may go dark for a bit, but just hang tight. We'll get answers and find Fred again. I promise."

"Church," Emily said, making him stop after he stood up. "Is it really ever going to end?"

The question seemed to stop him in his tracks, and he pondered it for a moment.

"No," he answered, "but you get to decide when to jump off the train."

She figured that would be his answer, and as he walked out of there, she wondered when she should take the leap.

August 2014

"We got 'im!" Jesse hollered, banging his fist on the desk. "By God, we got 'im!" Han came rushing from the kitchen where he was making dinner. Emily was sitting next to Jesse and feeling just as excited. Church had made sure the three of them were the only ones working on this now, and she had hope that this time, Fred was not going to get away.

"Oh shit," Han said, getting excited now too. "That's Stonebanks. Holy shit, guys. This is it!"

Stonebanks? Emily looked at the photo Han had pointed to. The man in the picture looked hard and cold, and she suddenly realized that was her brother's killer. She picked it up and studied it. She wondered what it would feel like to kill him. Would he even remember Wyatt's name? Or why he killed him?

"Yes, yessss!" Jesse whooped, playing the table like a drum set for a moment. "Whoo! We can nail these clowns and go home!"

"Until the next one," Han reminded him.

"I dunno," Jesse said, sobering up a bit. "I think I might be done after this, Han. Way too close last time."

Emily knew what he meant. He'd suffered a big hit on the last job, and she had seen how scared it had made him without him saying a word to anyone. She didn't blame him for wanting to get out.

Han just looked at him, his expression unreadable. Jesse was oblivious and got up to get some water. Emily didn't know what to do or say right now. It seemed almost unreal that they'd get both Fred and Stonebanks this time.

But she had faith.

Hours Later

Emily wasn't really sure why she was there. The helicopter landed, and Jesse and Han jumped off and landed on their feet like cats easily enough. She was staying in the helicopter, but she was too close to the action for her liking.

"How are you doing this again?" she asked into the comms. "There's an entire army out here..." She'd heard Church muttering about it and something about a Drummer and how things got effed since he'd gone dark. She had no idea if he'd found the mole yet. He hadn't said anything, and she wondered if he still thought it was her.

"They're focused on something else. We're gonna use that as cover and sneak in and deal with the bosses." Han sounded so sure of himself.

"This feels too dangerous."

"Yes, Ma," Jesse retorted on cue. "We know."

She pressed her lips together, annoyed. She kept coming off as the careful one, the mother, but she'd done her fair share of risky, dangerous things in her life. Just because she wasn't running around with a gun in her hand didn't mean she hadn't done intense stuff. Hell, she'd even killed someone, and that still gave her nightmares to this day.

She said nothing else as she listened to them talk to each other. She felt anxiety in her chest, fearing they'd get hurt again. Bullets hit the helicopter then, and she shrieked.

"We're moving out," the pilot said. "Too dangerous here."

She looked to see men running like ants everywhere below, and she wondered just what was going on exactly. Stonebanks had come here, though, but for what, she didn't know.

They landed somewhere dense and secure. The pilot told Han and Jesse the coordinates to find them. Emily sat there and waited, her heart pounding.

"Shit, he's already dead," Jesse said, panting.

"Who is?" Emily asked, feeling a lot of hope in that moment.

"Stonebanks."

Her heart fluttered. This was good. This was very good. If he was dead...

"He's runnin'! He's runnin'!" Jesse called now, and she listened hard. After a while, she checked in.

"Guys? What's happening?"

"Go, go, go! Building's collapsing!" Han shouted. Her chest tightened, and she grasped her hands tightly together, her leg bouncing.

"Han? Jesse?" she asked. Not again. Not again, not again, not again...

"F*** that was intense!" Jesse exclaimed finally, and she let out the breath she'd been holding.

"Heading your way," Han said now.

"Did you...did you get Fred?" she asked hesitantly.

"No. Sorry, Em. He got away again."

She dropped her head into her hands, feeling the tears starting. How? How?! How did this keep happening?! She sat there mutely until Han and Jesse got there. She still said nothing as the helicopter lifted off. Han rested a hand on her shoulder in comfort, which she barely felt.

Her year deadline was up, and there was nothing to show for it. Maya would think she was really dead, and Emily had no idea how to fix it without putting her back in danger.

Two Weeks Later

Church was arguing with Jesse and Han. He'd confirmed Stonebanks had been killed by none other than Barney Ross, and Emily felt like her chest might explode. Barney had been in Azmenistan? Had Lee been there too? She ached for him so badly. She cried herself to sleep a lot lately from missing him and Maya.

"Those two just won't quit," Han said as he approached her now. Jesse and Church were still at it. Emily didn't even know why they were fighting.

"About what?"

"Missing Fred. Church thinks we messed it up somehow."

"You were down there with an entire army doing some kind of fight," she argued. "It was kind of hard to pull it off seamlessly."

"We should have, though," Han insisted. "Everyone's attention was not on us. It was supposed to be a simple in and out."

"Barney really killed Stonebanks?" Emily asked now.

"Yea." Han nodded.

"I see." Her throat was tight. She had stayed away all this time, but the pull to go take a peek at everyone and see how they were doing was strong. She swallowed.

"You miss him still, don't you?" Han asked. She nodded. "You think he'll forgive you after this?"

"I don't know," she whispered.

"This kind of life doesn't exactly have room for relationships," Han stated next.

"I'm not staying in this life," she insisted.

"I didn't think so either, but here I am," Han advised. "Trust me, Em, sometimes the people we love are better off without us...we just cause bitterness and pain, and that's not fair to them. Think about it. Is your daughter really going to appreciate what you did? She's probably going to hate you forever for it, and then what? You might be best to just leave it that you're dead. She'll always love you that way."

She just looked at him, his words hitting her hard right now. He gave a grim smile and left her alone again, and she tried not to let his words become her own inner dialogue.

But it was too late.

October 2014

Emily couldn't help herself. She went to see Maya.

She stood in the shadows outside Lee's home, and she watched them interact with each other. Maya was happy for the most part; Emily could see the lines of grief on her, though. She wanted so badly to go and hug her and tell her she was alright, but she couldn't. She had come this far to keep her daughter safe; there was no sense in risking it now.

And then there was the fear of Maya hating her, and Emily couldn't stand that thought. Maybe Han was right. Maybe she should just disappear and let Maya be happy with her new life.

When Lee came outside by himself, she watched him with an ache in her chest. He looked so haunted, and she knew she'd done that to him. It took everything to not walk towards him and reveal herself. She kept thinking about what Han said, and she also didn't want to leave a trail for Fred to find Maya if he was looking, so she stayed put.

Her nails dug into her palms, and she steadied her breathing. She would end this and come back, but would there be something to come back to? She didn't know.

As she walked away, she kept thinking that maybe, just maybe Han was right. Maybe Lee and Maya were better off without her after all.

Days Later

Church had stayed with them to ensure safety. Emily wondered if he was just keeping an eye on them to make sure they weren't sabotaging the jobs. She actually was starting to wonder if he was the mole, but he was too passionate about getting Fred it seemed. She didn't know anymore.

"Thanks, Maggie," he was saying into the phone before hanging up. Emily liked Maggie. She'd met her a couple of times over the years. She wished she was here to keep her company, if she was honest. It had been a long time since she'd had the company of another woman.

"I'm going out," she said, needing air. She did the grocery runs too, which got her out and about at least. Church nodded with a gruff sound in his throat in response.

It was a typical trip, but when Emily parked the van by the safe house, that's when it happened.

She froze, gasping. Fred stood across the street with his hands in his jacket pockets. He was staring at the front door of the safe house.

She jerked back out of sight, her heart pounding, but after a bus went by, Fred was gone. Hands shaking, she scanned and scanned as hard as she could. She didn't want him to sneak up on her, but it appeared he had vanished. She felt anxious and scared. Had he seen her? She didn't think so, but now she'd never know.

A Day Later

Emily hadn't slept well. Jesse and Han had combed the area after she told them Fred had been there, but they hadn't found him. She was wondering if it had been a trick of the light, but there was no way that was the case. He'd been too solid standing there.

"We gotta relocate," Jesse said, and Han nodded.

"But where?" Emily asked.

"The island," Church replied. They all stared at him. Emily felt shivers. Going back there was going to bring up a lot for her.

"You sure?" Jesse inquired.

"Fred won't think to go back there. Why would he? Also, we'd have the high ground because we'll see him coming long before he reaches us."

"Fair point," Han agreed. "Alright, I'm in."

"I guess," Jesse sighed. Emily said nothing, but she nodded absently. Her brain wouldn't stop racing. Had Fred seen her? Was her truth out? She wished she could know. She wished this would all be over.

She wanted to go home.

Present Day

Lee felt very worn out at this point, but there was one thing he couldn't let go of.

"You came here," he stated. "You were at my house."

"Yes."

"Emily," he said, pressing his hands into his face. "I don't know if I can hear anymore of this."

"We're almost done," she said, and he knew what was left. Barney finding her and Fred capturing her and torturing her was the remaining piece of the story. He didn't think he could stomach it.

"Just...give me a minute," he said.

"Okay."

He closed his eyes and breathed slowly. When this story was finished, they had work to do, and he didn't know where to start or what to do. He didn't know what to tell Maya. He didn't know what to say to Barney. It was clear now that his friend hadn't been in contact with Emily the entire time, and he'd tried to push Emily to come home, but it still hurt that he'd kept the secret to begin with. It still hurt that Maya hadn't trusted him to tell him Emily was alive, but he couldn't blame her for it. She was young and wanted to protect her mother. He'd have done the same thing.

After a few more breaths, he opened his eyes again and looked at Emily. She was waiting patiently.

"Alright," he said. "Finish it."