April 2015
Emily had nearly froze that winter on that island. She regretted letting Church send them here. Were they crazy? The wind had been raw and unforgiving, and the cottage itself was not insulated properly, so Han and Jesse slugged wood like madmen, but it never felt like it burned for very long.
It was spring now, and Emily was bundled in blankets and sweaters while sitting on the dock in the sun. She was tired of being cooped up in that building.
Han returned from grocery shopping a bit later, and she watched him haul the bags to the cottage. He wouldn't let her help, and she felt bad that he'd hauled through the trail since he parked their boat at the back of the island. She heard him squabbling with Jesse about something. Church was off somewhere; Emily didn't know where.
When she heard another boat, she froze. Then she was on her feet and racing to the cottage.
"Han! Jesse!" she shouted. "Incoming!"
Jesse swore and groaned. They all raced to throw sheets over everything to make it look like no one had been there. Then they hauled ass over to Barney's cottage and crawled underneath it, just in case the person thought to look under the one they were staying in. Thankfully, the type of ground on the island did not reveal footprints. Emily tried to remain calm as Jesse cocked his gun. Was it Fred?
The boat came to Barney's dock instead, and she almost had a heart attack. Who was here?!
"Man, I don't think I can do this," a voice said. A voice she recognized. She lifted her head slightly but couldn't see. Caesar?!
Whoever he was talking to didn't respond, and she heard them walk over to their place.
"You really think she's here?" Caesar asked, sounding farther away.
"What better place to hide out," the second person finally said. She didn't recognize his voice at all. Han and Jesse were looking at her, and she didn't know what to say. Why was Caesar here looking for her? How did he know she was alive?! Had Barney told him?
She couldn't quite hear what they were saying next door, but when they came back, they were loud and clear.
"You think we could put something out there for her to find?" Caesar asked. "If she is alive? She can reach out to us that way."
"I'll look into it," the other agreed. "Good idea."
"I'm sorry...I'm just not done with my hope yet," Caesar replied. Hope? Emily didn't understand.
"Never give up hope, my friend. That's when it all goes to shit."
"Duly noted."
"We can stop at some places on the way back."
"Yea, good idea."
When they were finally gone, she released the breath she'd been holding. Why had they come there? She couldn't risk being found!
"Who the f*** was that?" Jesse asked.
"I have no idea," she lied.
"They were obviously here for you," Jesse argued. "Is there something you're not telling us?"
"No!" Emily exclaimed. "Only four people know I'm alive, and they weren't on the list! I don't know who they were talking abou—" She stopped suddenly, it hitting her.
"What?" Han asked, noticing.
"Serena," she said.
"What about her?" Jesse asked.
"Maybe they think she's still alive somehow," Emily said, feeling like she was grasping at straws. "That's got to be it." Or had Barney told them all she was still alive? No, it felt like Caesar didn't know for sure, and if he did, he'd have talked with more certainty about finding her. She was pretty confident it was Serena he was talking about.
"Well, let's hope they don't decide to come back here," Jesse said with a grunt and groan as he pulled himself out from under the cottage. Emily swiped at the cobwebs while Han spat some out on his way past her. Once she was out, she blinked in the sunlight.
She didn't know what to think.
Two Days Later
Church was back, and he was on the phone with Drummer, having a swearing contest it seemed. Emily was out on the deck with Jesse while Han was working the grill. That's when a figure appeared out of nowhere, and she shrieked while Han and Jesse aimed guns at the intruder.
"Easy," Barney said, holding up his hands. Emily stared. How had they not heard a boat?!
"Don't move," Han ordered.
"He's my friend," Emily tried.
"What are you doing here?" Church demanded, having hung up on Drummer after hearing the commotion and coming outside. "How did you even find us?"
"A hunch."
"You are risking a lot coming here," Church warned.
"So this is your team you were talking about," Barney said, ignoring his comment. "I thought so."
"I take it you're not having any luck finding Fred on your own?" Church asked. "Don't think you can mooch off my team to find him."
"I'm not here for you or your findings," Barney retorted. His eyes found Emily next, and she saw him take in how tired and stressed she looked. "Em, can we talk?"
She nodded and led him inside to a quiet room. Once the door was shut, she suddenly didn't know what to say.
"You look like shit," Barney stated finally.
"I feel like shit," she confirmed. He sighed and ran a hand over his head.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"I'm finding Fred."
"How's that going?"
"We've almost had him a couple of times..."
"And how long before that turns into years and years of searching to no avail?" he interrupted. "Em, you gotta give this up. You gotta come home."
"I can't," she whispered.
"Why not?"
"Fred might know I'm alive."
This seemed to catch Barney off guard, and he worked his jaw as he looked at her. "How?"
"He was at the last safe house in October. I don't know if he saw me."
"Then you're not safe."
"I know."
"I'm in this now," he said. "Okay? I'll find Fred and end this."
"Church wants him alive."
"Yea, yea, whatever," Barney dismissed. "You need to be safe, and you need to be safe now. Let me take you home. We can keep you safe."
"Maya," Emily said, unable to voice the rest.
"She's upset," Barney advised. "She thinks you're dead. Hell, even I thought you were dead by this point."
"What do I do?"
"How about we figure that out when we get you there?" Barney suggested. Emily was inclined more and more to do this, to go back with him. She hugged herself.
"Does Lee know anything?" Saying his name almost hurt. She watched as Barney looked a bit aggravated for a moment.
"No, and that's what else is killing me. He's my best friend, and I've been keeping this doozy truth from him all this time. I can't do it much longer."
"I'll tell him everything, I promise. I'll take the heat for it all."
"He'll be pissed."
"I know." She wrung her hands and lowered her head.
"I've got Gunner with me. He's back in town and wondering what the hell I'm doing, but I told him I was checking on the place for my cousin."
"Can you give me a month?" she asked.
"Why?"
"We are so close to finding Fred, and I just want to help them do it before I leave."
"Em..."
"I'm not gonna go with them to get him. I just want to leave knowing I did my part in taking him down."
"What did I just say about this chase possibly being never ending?"
"You're right, and if I don't find him in a month, I'll stop. You all can keep Maya and I safe, and it'll be over as far as I'm concerned."
"Okay. One month," Barney said. "That's all."
"Thank you." She bit her lip, wondering if she was making a mistake, but she hadn't lied. They were close, and once it was figured out where Fred was going to be, she was out of there. She'd get to see Maya again. And Lee.
"I miss him so much, Barney," she said, her voice slightly tearful. She heard him scuffle with something, and when she looked up again, he was holding a knife out to her. "What's this?"
"It's mine, but it's his style. Keep it," Barney said. "That way you have something sort of his to keep you safe and remind you of him."
She took it gingerly, tears burning at her eyes without falling.
"One month," Barney said again. "Then I'm hauling your ass home."
She decided to voice her worry. "What if they're better off without me?"
"What?"
"I've caused a lot of hurt," she went on. "What if they're just better off without me?"
"Emily," Barney said, reaching to grab her shoulder now. "Don't you ever say that, you hear me? Of course they're not better off without you. Yea, you're gonna have to deal with some anger and hurt, but don't ever think leaving them behind forever is a better option. It's not. You hear me?"
"I hear you."
"Good." He gave her a slight shake before releasing her. Emily walked him out, and Barney headed for the trail to the back of the island. She figured out he must have canoed quietly in order to surprise them.
"You put us all at risk coming here, Barns!" Church called after him. "If anything happens, it's on you!"
Barney held up his hand in the air in response with a jerky wave. Then he was gone.
One Month Later
Emily watched Han and Jesse pack up. Church was long gone. The boys were headed to find Fred with their latest intel, and she was staying here to wait for Barney to pick her up. She was going to call him once they were gone. She was going home.
"Well, it's been a pleasure," Han said to her, standing in front of her. She looked at him, and she knew that he harbored feelings for her. He hadn't exactly been subtle about it the last few months. He'd taken every opportunity to touch her or be close to her...be alone with her. She'd never acted on it or reciprocated it, though. She loved Lee.
"Yes, it has," she agreed with a smile. She held out her hand to shake his. "Great working with you." He looked at her hand and then back at her face. When he came in for the hug, she didn't fight it. What was the point?
"You sure this is what you wanna do?" he asked.
"Yes. I'm going home, Han."
"Well, if things don't work out," he said to her after pulling back. "I'm here." She understood what he was saying, and she took a breath slowly.
"I appreciate that," she said. She knew she wasn't going to act on it, but she wasn't going to be rude either.
"Come on," Jesse said, annoyed as usual. "Let's go already!"
"Nice working with you too," Emily said to him. He finally grinned and came to give her a quick, tight hug and a hearty pat on the back.
"Enjoy your life, huh?" he said afterwards. "I'm glad you're getting out of this. You never really belonged in this world, Em. Thank you for all your help, though."
"My pleasure."
They both waved. Han gave her one last, lingering look before climbing into the boat. Then they drove off, and Emily hugged herself and felt excited.
She was going home!
An hour later, she was packed, a gun and the knife Barney gave her on her hip just in case. She also had Kevlar on because she didn't want to put herself at risk. She was getting ready to call Barney when she was attacked from behind. An arm looped around her neck and a hand clamped over her mouth to stop her from screaming.
"Remember me?" Fred's voice said in her ear, and she nearly passed out. She struggled, but he held on. He slammed her into the side of the cottage next, and she gasped, winded. She got up, and he caught her wrists and yanked them behind her. She fought back, getting free and bolting. She turned around at a safe distance and went for the gun in her holster when Fred shot her, having been right behind her.
She screamed now, recalling this pain from last time, and fell hard. Fred stood over her with a smile on his face.
"You look surprised to see me," he commented. "Didn't you know that one of your friends is on my payroll? I've known about you for a while now, Emily. I've known about sweet little Maya, but the timing hadn't been right to deal with either of you until now."
"Leave her alone," Emily ordered.
"No, shan't," he mocked. She struggled again, and he kicked her side, making her cry out.
"Just do it!" she shouted, trying not to feel afraid. "Pull the trigger, Fred. Get it over with. At least I'll be looking at you, unlike Serena." They locked eyes, and she saw coldness there.
"You're right. I should just end this right here right now," he stated. "Full circle. It'd be real sweet, but...I need your help."
Panting, Emily was trying to discreetly go for the knife. Fred noticed and stepped on her wrist, making her grunt in pain.
"You're gonna help me get them all," he stated, bending down to roll her onto her stomach. "Since they took my boss and friend away from me." Emily was in a lot of pain and unable to fight back so well, though she tried. He bound her wrists and ankles and then rolled her back over, putting a gag on her. He took her photo and sent it to someone—Church, she assumed.
"Come on, princess," he said, hauling her up now and slinging her over his shoulder. "Let's go to work."
Present Day
"Stop," Lee said, and Emily obeyed. He was angry at Fred, and he didn't want to hear the details of what he'd done to her. It was clear on her body.
"That's the story," she said after a moment of silence. "Now you know everything." She gave him a bit of a sad look, and he realized now that Barney had gone to bring her home. He hadn't egged her on to keep hidden. He'd never really been on board to start with. It was going to be harder to stay mad at him now.
And Maya. She'd kept quiet in order to help protect her mother, not because she wanted to hurt Lee, and for the last ten months, she actually thought her mother was dead. Perhaps her guilt was what made her try to get him with Lacy, as if that might make up for her dishonesty by getting him happy again. He drew some breaths, trying to figure out what to do next.
His phone vibrated, and he looked to see that it was Tia.
How are we doing?
Lee hesitated, unsure what to tell her. He suddenly just wanted to give Maya the reunion with her mother that she'd given up on. He had to first deal with the stranger at his house waiting for them.
Give me an hour then drop her off, he answered. Bring Caesar.
Okay.
He looked back at Emily, who was watching him. He was feeling some of his anger fading as he recognized her desperation and need to finish what she started. He'd have wanted to avenge his brother too. He'd have wanted to keep his kid safe too. He couldn't be a hypocrite, not anymore.
"While I wish you had just told me," he started, "I get it." She opened her mouth, and he held up a finger to stop her. "But, I'm still going to need some time, Emily."
"I understand." She nodded.
"Let's go deal with your friend, huh?"
"Okay."
...
Barney wished he had just brought her ass home when he'd gone there to get her. He shouldn't have listened to her when she asked for another month. It had almost gotten her killed, and Barney would never have lived with himself if that had happened.
He wished he had forced her to not go through with the plan to start with. He wished he hadn't given Maya the postcard, although he really had thought Emily would be back before a year was up to save the girl heartache again. They'd had many conversations about it during their time together working on canoes. He tried to tell her it would be okay to tell Lee, but Maya had been worried about him getting angry at her, and no amount of convincing would change her mind. Then, she stopped talking about it altogether.
Now, he was left waiting to see how Lee was going to handle hearing Emily's story. He fiddled with the glass on the bar top as Tool crooned to some song playing in the background.
"Think he's heard it all yet?" he asked, pausing. Barney shrugged.
"I'm sure I would have heard by now."
"For the record, I hate that you did it too," Tool stated.
"So do I."
"We're waiting for Fred to come find us, is that it?"
"Something like that. Shouldn't be too long now."
The door burst open, and Church came in like a hurricane. Barney leaned back on his stool as the man stopped right in front of him.
"I've got it," he said.
"Got what?" Barney asked warily.
"Our insurance."
"And what is that?"
"I cannot get a hold of Emily," Church went on, moving to pace now. "I need to tell her what I just found out and right now!"
"She's with Lee."
"I know. He was rather rude and wouldn't give her the phone."
"He's a little pissed off right now."
"Isn't he always?" Church retorted.
"Fair enough," Barney agreed. "Look, just tell me what's going on, and we'll make a plan."
"She needs to know!"
"Alright, and we'll tell her. So what's the insurance?"
"Not that!" Church snapped.
"Oh my God, then what are you talking about?!" Barney demanded, getting pissed off himself now. Church stopped pacing and stared at him.
"I know who the mole is."
...
Emily was dreading seeing Han again when they got back to Lee's place. He was sitting on the porch steps, waiting. She turned off the truck and waited for Lee to say something, but he didn't. She got out and headed towards Han.
"Hey," he said, getting up. "Em, why did you leave?"
"You were out of line," she said firmly, stopping a few feet away from him.
"I'm sorry. I was just so relieved you were okay," he started.
"I told you from the beginning I love Lee," she interrupted. "That has not changed and it will never change. I'm sorry."
"I get it."
"Do you? Because you just planted one on me in front of him!" Emily exploded.
"I lost my head for a minute. I'm sorry," Han said again. Lee was approaching at this point, and she looked to see he appeared grouchy and standoffish.
"You need to clear out," Lee said to Han now.
"I can't," Han answered. "Em, I know who the mole is."
"What?"
"It's Jesse," Han said.
"WHAT?!"
"He turned on me on the last job. I barely made it out of there alive. I came to warn you after finding out you'd escaped with Barney's team."
"You're kidding me," Emily said, stunned.
"I know. I can't believe it," Han said, pressing a face to his hand. "He was my best friend...I just didn't see it coming."
"Where is he now?"
"With Fred. They're coming for you, Em. And Maya. We gotta go," Han urged.
"No offense, but I'm staying with Lee," Emily replied.
"Em..." Han sighed. "Fine, but if Jesse comes here, don't trust him. Promise me that. You have my number if you need me." He left without another word, and Emily felt herself loosen the tension in her body just slightly.
"Think he's telling the truth?" Lee asked.
"I don't know anymore," Emily replied. She looked at Lee and felt so tired. He had a grim look on his face as he watched Han walk out of view. Then it softened, and he met Emily's eyes once more.
"You better get ready," he said, going up the steps into his house now. She followed.
"For what?"
"Your daughter will be here in less than an hour." He moved to head for his bedroom without a word, and Emily felt her heart begin to pound with excitement. She was going to see Maya! After all this time, she'd get to hold her little girl again.
She just hoped Maya would be happy to see her.
...
Maya felt so guilty. She couldn't stop thinking about the whole Lacy thing, and she knew she'd obsessed over it because she'd felt so bad for not telling Lee the truth about her mom and thought it would get him happy again to make her feel a bit better about it all. He'd hurt for so long, and then when her mother didn't come back after a year as promised, she felt that hurt firsthand after realizing something really had happened to her mom. Her mother's words were ingrained in her mind, though.
Sweetheart, I'm okay. Remember how I said I might have to go away for a while to keep you safe? This is that time. I hope to only be gone a year at most. Then we'll live happily ever after. I promise. I love you more than anything, and know that I'll do anything to get back to you. Love Mummy. P.S. Be good for Lee and help him whenever you can.
In her childlike brain, she wanted to help Lee by helping him not be lonely and fall in love again. She knew it wasn't the right thing to do, but at the time, it had seemed like a good idea.
Now, she knew better.
Lacy would have never replaced her mother, and Maya couldn't figure out why she had thought she wanted another mother figure. She chalked it up to grief making people do strange things. She'd done a lot of her crying when she was alone because she didn't want to appear more grief stricken than she had been before. She wanted to keep her mother's secret, just in case her mother was still somehow alive. She didn't want anything to happen to her mother because of her; that would devastate her.
It made her think about other times her and her mother had a secret. It wasn't very often, but she always knew her mother was serious when she would ask Maya to keep confidence.
Like the time she'd caught her mother following Fred and Ethan. Or talking to someone on the phone named "Church."
And too, she was a bit scared of how Lee would react if she told him the truth. She didn't want him to get angry and make her leave. Barney told her he wouldn't, but she didn't know that for sure. It was just safer this way. If she had to live with the guilt forever as punishment, then she would.
"All set?" Tia asked her, and she nodded. Louis was with his aunt, which made Maya jealous. Sometimes she wished she had a bigger family growing up. She had a family now with the men, but sometimes she wished she had cousins her age to play with. She loved Louis, but she longed for a girl best friend. Girls at school steered clear of her, though. She was too smart for them and apparently not pretty or cool enough to be a part of their clique. Not that Maya wanted to be anyway. She hated cliques.
She wondered why Tia and Caesar seemed on edge. She'd heard Tia say Lee wanted Caesar to come, and he'd been confused as to why. It did seem like an odd request, but Maya assumed maybe her dad wanted to hang out with Caesar for a bit or something. Or maybe it was to do with a bail jumper.
Maya looked out the window as Tia drove. She wondered what her dad would do with her for fun this weekend. She wanted to squeeze in some extra homework time, but she also was down for gaming or movies or hide and seek in the dark.
"Oh my word," Tia said when she pulled into the driveway.
"Holy f—," Caesar started before Tia elbowed him hard to make him stop. Maya couldn't see what they were looking at, so she unclipped her seat belt and leaned forward in between them. She blinked rapidly, feeling tears starting. She felt like she might be sick from happiness, if that was a thing. She couldn't believe it.
"Mummy!" she shrieked, making Tia and Caesar jolt from being startled at the loudness of her voice. She moved to shove the door open and jumped out of the car. "MUMMY!"
She'd never run so fast in her life.
...
Lee swallowed around the lump of emotion in his throat as Maya came tearing towards Emily at full speed and bawling. Emily hurried down the steps and met her part way, dropping to her knees and getting slammed into by Maya. He watched as mother hugged daughter as tightly as possible and started crying herself.
"I knew it," Maya kept saying through her sobs. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I knew you were okay!"
"I'm so sorry," Emily said back. "I'm sorry, baby."
"Please don't ever leave me again."
"I won't. I promise."
Lee always knew Maya's preference was Emily, and he knew that right now, their reunion was the only thing on Maya's mind, but a very small part of him felt a bit hurt that he'd been forgotten so easily. But why wouldn't he be? He'd just been the stand in parent after all. Oh how his negative talk was burying him right now...it was always bad for doing that.
Maya finally let Emily go and stood in front of her, pushing her hair back and wiping at her very wet face. Emily rested her hands on either cheek and smoothed her thumbs back and forth.
"You've gotten so big," Emily stated.
"I feel so awkward," Maya replied. "Like I'm growing longer and not taller or something."
"Oh, I missed you so much," Emily said through her chuckles. She hugged Maya again. At this point, Tia and Caesar had exited the car. Tia went over to see Emily while Caesar sidled over to Lee.
"What the damn hell?" he asked, and Lee gave him a look.
"There's a novel's worth of an explanation," he advised. "Stay tuned."
"Okay..."
"Can you keep them safe?" Lee asked, and Caesar gave him a surprised look.
"What's going on?"
"Fred's after her and Maya."
"Damn. Well, yea, brother. I've got you."
Lee gave a nod of thanks as Tia finished hugging Emily and came over to him now, trading places with Caesar.
"Hey, girl, good to see you," Caesar was saying to Emily as he hugged her.
"What the frick?" Tia asked when she got to Lee. "How are you not losing your shit right now?!"
"I already did. More than once."
"So why so calm now?"
"Cos I know the story, and cos trouble's coming." He held her gaze, and she understood.
"I'll get Louis," she said. "We'll keep Maya and Emily safe."
"Thank you."
While Tia went back to talk to Emily, Maya made her way over to Lee. She looked guilty, and he didn't want her to feel bad. He crouched down so that she was standing just a smidge taller than he was when she got to him.
"Dad, I'm sorry," she said.
"For what? Keeping your mother safe?" He saw the relief in her eyes, and he was glad he'd decided not to lose his shit. He'd put himself in her shoes, and he understood.
"I didn't know what was going on, and I didn't want her to get hurt. I never understood what she was doing for work, but sometimes I'd catch her doing things or talking to people, and she'd ask me to keep it between us. When she didn't come back after a year, I wanted to tell you, but I wasn't sure if I should, and a part of me kept thinking she was still alive, which I was right."
"I understand. You were just doing what you thought your mother wanted."
"I was scared you'd be so mad at me and make me leave."
"I never would have done that, Maya," he advised. She sniffed hard.
"Do you hate me?" Maya asked, her voice small. Lee shook his head hard.
"No," he replied. "I'll never hate you, Maya."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
Maya hugged him, and he held her close. He had no idea what things would look like moving forward, but he never wanted this little girl to feel bad for getting caught up in something so confusing and for wanting to keep her mother safe.
"You and your mother are gonna stay with Uncle Caesar and Aunt Tia for a bit," he advised after.
"Why? What's happening?"
"It's just a precaution," Lee answered. "I gotta finish a job."
"You're gonna come back, right?"
"I'll do my best."
"You have to come back! Mum is here now. We can be a family," she said strongly. He shifted her hair back behind her ear gently.
"You know I'd like that, but let's not jump ahead just yet."
"You still love her, right?"
"We're ready when you are," Tia said now.
"Dad, tell me you do," Maya begged. "Tell me you still love Mum!"
"Can we talk about this later?" Lee asked.
"Please just tell me." She was starting to cry.
"Maya, this is the kind of conversation I need more time for. We'll talk about it later, okay?"
She did not look happy about it, but she stopped asking. Lee stood and angled her towards Caesar, Tia, and Emily.
"Be good. I love you."
"Love you too."
She walked over to them, and Emily pulled her against her waist for another hug before letting her go off to the side with Tia and Caesar. Lee watched her come towards him slowly.
"I really feel like I should be going with you," she stated.
"And I really feel like you should be with your daughter somewhere safe," he countered. She bit her lip.
"Why do I feel like we're never going to see you again?" she asked.
"It's a possibility."
"Don't say that," she chastised, hurt.
"It's the truth," he insisted. "I don't know what's going to happen or who is going to survive. That's out of our hands." She looked worried for him.
"I was hoping that, when this is over, we could...we could talk about us," she said hesitantly. She had somehow moved slightly closer without him seeing it, and his heart's desire was to hold her close and make promises he wanted to keep.
"Like I said," he repeated, "I need time."
"Okay," she said softly. "Please be careful out there."
"I will."
She leaned into him a bit, and he said nothing as she rested a hand on his chest over his heart and pressed her face against his left cheek. He closed his eyes, taking in the moment and finding his hand enclosing over hers gently. She pulled back slightly, their faces close together, and he found her eyes searching his.
"I love you," she said softly.
"You better go," he replied, knowing she was feeling disappointed now. She nodded, pressing her lips together and turning to leave. Lee put his hands in his pockets as he watched her get into the car with the others. As they drove away, he saw Maya look at him through the back window until they were gone.
"I love you too," he said out loud finally.
But he honestly had no idea if their relationship would work out because despite having all the answers and understanding why it all happened, he didn't know if he could ever stop feeling angry, hurt, expendable, broken, and betrayed.