Note:

This is a short update. It's only about 2300 words while my previous ones mostly reached about 4k words more or less.

Do you guys prefer reading longer or shorter chapters? Let me know.

Kakashi's POV

Being in love with someone comes with the risk of getting hurt.

I knew that.

No matter how much I don't want to feel my heart being broken, it still did when my eyes locked on the image of her in another guy's arm.

I wish I was that person standing next to her.

Sumire looks different. Her silver-blonde locks now bore an ebony shade, which made her lilac eyes pop-up even more, but she remained breathtakingly beautiful even with the change.

A guy with brown hair and green eyes had an arm over her shoulder. The photo was taken in a crowded street, but they seemed like they were in their own world, not minding everyone around them and just enjoying each other's company with bright smiles on their faces.

A realization suddenly hit me as I looked at the photograph of her smiling happily next to a guy I do not recognize.

It's impossible for me to adequately convey the depth of my emotions that I feel for her through words. My love for her is immense, overwhelming and always drowning me to the point of suffocation. We have this innate connection- an unbreakable bond that even time and distance cannot break.

However, this doesn't mean that she's mine.

I might love her with all my being but I don't know if she felt the same way for me. I'm not even sure how exactly our bond works as it is an entirely unfamiliar territory that is full of mysteries that I haven't managed to unlock yet.

Being bonded to her does not mean I get to lay my claim on her just because I feel this way about her. Sumire is her own person and she gets to choose who she'll like to stay by her side. I cannot dictate her to just return to Konoha nor beg her to choose me instead of that green-eyed guy.

These thoughts made me feel a pang on my chest, it hurts so much that I want to pull my heart from my body and throw it away so I wouldn't have to bear feeling this much agony.

This feeling was worse than anything I've ever felt before, knowing she's somewhere nearby in the country, but she chose to be with another person instead of returning back to me.

"These are just stupid pictures, but why does it hurt this much?" I asked myself while swiftly wiping away the tears that suddenly fell from the corner of my eyes.

I knew my teammates were observing my reaction in silence, but I didn't really care about anything else at the moment.

My fingers traced the curve of her face on the photo I have at hand as I voice out my longing for her, "I miss you, Sumire."

"She's that Sumire?" Yugao and Raidou asked in unison. Genma already met her before so he isn't surprised about it, and Tenzo had no idea about her yet.

I saw Genma nodding to their question from my peripheral vision, and then he walked over to my side and put a hand on my shoulder. "Kakashi, don't conclude anything about her relationship with that guy yet. Ask her about it once you meet her again."

"What's more to ask?" I asked Genma while browsing all the pictures of her and that unknown guy, "These photos pretty much explains what they had going on."

Suddenly, my breath hitched as I glanced at the next image in my hand.

It's a photo of Sumire and that person looking like they're about to kiss. He was leaning so close to her face that it's blatantly obvious what they're doing, a few seconds more and I'm sure the camera would be able to capture their lips touching.

"Look at the guy kissing her in the middle of a crowded street, he pretty much wants the public to know about their relationship." I handed the photo to Genma in frustration then admitted in defeat, "I never got the privilege to do that."

The rest of my team gathered around Genma to see the picture I'm talking about.

Genma sighed deeply before hitting my back with a bit of force, as if to wake me up from being too heartbroken at the moment. "Get a hold of yourself, Kakashi. You weren't there so you didn't witness the entire incident. They didn't kiss so stop assuming something based on these pictures alone."

I asked in disbelief, "They didn't?"

"She jabbed the guy in the abdomen before any kiss could happen. I think she wouldn't react like that if they have any romantic relationship, and It's better if you ask her directly about it once you find her again rather than make your own assumptions," said Genma as he handed back the photo to me.

His words made me rethink this situation better. However, I still felt sad and heartbroken about it.

In fact, a blend of emotions is churning within me. Aside from feeling unhappy at the moment, I'm also simmering with anger and I'm strongly tempted to punch that person next to her in the photo.

This is probably jealousy and it's the first time I am experiencing this damning feeling.

If I ever see that guy in person, I'm pretty sure that I wouldn't be able to have a civil interaction with him. It would be a miracle if I'm able to hold back myself from attacking him head-on.

Childish and immature? Probably.

However, I'm just being honest with myself and my emotions.

I never thought I would see her being happy with someone other than me or be wrapped around an arm that doesn't belong to me.

Possessiveness isn't really a trait that I am proud of, but it is one of the many questionable things about me that I am not ashamed to admit.

I feel overbearingly protective of her and I wanted her all to myself. This is definitely unfair on her part and she might not like that at all, but it is what it is.

How I wish we were back to the time when it's just Sumire and me.

I long for those days when she's just an arm's length away from me. The multiple times when I could engage in endless conversations with her, witness her adoring smiles, and savor the sound of her laughter. The instances when I could freely hug her tightly whenever I wanted to feel her warmth or intertwine my fingers with her whenever I felt like doing so.

But it's been so long that recalling it felt more like reminiscing about a dream than remembering a distant memory that once transpired.

What if she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore?

Am I ready for the possibility that I may never have the chance to be with her the way I want to?

Definitely not.

I'm scared to lose Sumire. She's someone too precious, a very valuable piece that completes my being, and contemplating my life without her presence in it is very difficult for me to fathom.

My eyes were getting blurry again and I felt a lump in my throat as I tried to hold back the dam of tears that were threatening to fall down.

"Fuck this," a curse left my lips.

This isn't the time and place for me to break down like this. Even though I'm comfortable enough to show my emotions like this in front of my team, it's still not appropriate to do so at the moment.

We're currently engaged in a mission, and as the squad's captain, it's imperative that I maintain a focused mindset to ensure the successful completion of our assignment.

So I toughened it out like I always do every time my emotions get the best of me. I gritted my teeth and adopted the cold and commanding demeanor of the ANBU captain that the public recognizes me as.

"Let's get this over with." Then I glanced at Genma, the second in command for this mission, and told him to explain what happened. "I need you to give me a report about how things went here at Tanzaku Gai while Kinoe and I were at Mizumori."

I headed straight to the sandime's office as soon as my squad returned from our most recent mission assignment. I already dismissed my team since their presence wasn't really needed while I reported to the hokage about what happened at Tanzaku Gai and Mizumori.

"Begin your mission report," commanded sandaime.

"Kinoe and I headed to Mizumori and iInfiltrated the house of the criminal organization's leader. We're able to obtain incriminating documents, including multiple bank books with substantial amounts of money stolen from victims." I began the report by explaining what happened on my end.

The hokage commended, "Good work, that would be an irrefutable proof of his involvement in the illicit activities."

"Meanwhile, the rest of my team headed straight to Tanzaku Gai. They only observed from the shadows with a camera in hand to document the victim's interaction with the criminal group. It was the most crucial evidence we gathered since it reveals how the criminal organization really does their illegal activities live in action." I paused for a while, and then presented the pictures and recordings my team captured on the desk along with the documents we're able to gather. "These are just duplicate copies of the evidence, I already handed over the original ones to Asuma back at Tanzaku Gai."

" I am satisfied with the result," said the hokage. "I'm sure the daimyo would be able to resolve this now that they had enough evidence against the criminals."

I admitted to the old man, "There is one thing that bothers me in that recent mission, hokage-sama."

He asked, "What is it?"

I reached out for the photo of the purple-eyed girl standing next to an unknown guy and pointed her smiling figure to the hokage, "Sumire was there."

He looked at the picture with a surprised expression, " Who was she with?"

"That guy was the criminal group's latest victim." I know my voice sounded very depressed as I continued my explanation to the hokage, "Sumire and the man she was with were both gone from Tanzaku Gai by the time I arrived there from Mizumori so I wasn't able to meet her. Wolf did not recognize her, perhaps due to the change in her appearance, and the rest of my team had no idea what she looked like in the first place."

I added further, "Pakkun couldn't pick up her scent, leaving me clueless where she headed to afterwards. We were both quite young the last time my summon met her so I wasn't surprised if Pakkun cannot recognize her scent anymore."

The hokage empathized, "That's very unfortunate. I know you feel down-hearted about it, but I'm sure there are many more chances for you to meet her, perhaps one day she'll decide to return back to Konoha on her own accord."

I gave the man a solemn nod in response to his encouraging words. Then I asked, "Should we inform the daimyo that his granddaughter had been sighted within the country?"

I'm desperate to find her. I'm not sure why she did not choose to go back home to us despite being free to do so.

Maybe telling her grandfather about her recent whereabouts would shorten my search for her, the daimyo had the manpower to look at every nook and corner in Hi no Kuni so it would be easy to find her if she's within this country.

"I think it'd be best if we notify him," replied the hokage. He paused for a while, thinking very hard about the next words he'll say and then glanced my way, "But it doesn't mean we should suggest to the daimyo to conduct an all out search for the girl. In fact, we should do the opposite and advise him to just let her be until she's finally ready to confront her past."

It's like the old man had read my mind earlier. He probably knew how desperate I was to find her again.

I remained silent as I looked at the ground for a while, but the hokage broke the soundless atmosphere of the room by saying "Conducting a search for her again would also alert her pursuers from before, what if they found her first before we do?"

What the old man said made sense, so I agreed with his statement with a nod, "I understand, hokage-sama."

"You are dismissed," declared the sandaime.

I bowed my head and then left the old leader's office afterwards.

Heading home after a mission doesn't bring the same level of excitement for me as it does for the rest of my team. I do not have anything to look forward to upon my return and going home to an empty house felt depressing.

There is nothing I'd wish for right now than to be assigned to another mission so I wouldn't be stuck with my own thoughts and emotions again, heading to one of the training grounds was another plausible option to occupy my time.

This has been my way of coping, something that I've always done because it made me busy and productive.

I'd take up as many missions as I could just so my mind's focus would be shifted to anything but her. I'd spend my free time training rigorously since the weariness in my body enabled me to overlook the emotions I had for her and concentrate on the physical exhaustion I felt instead.

To everyone's eyes, it seemed that I was merely focusing on making my skills better or was just too occupied with my work as an ANBU operative.

But unbeknownst to them, it was merely an escape from the melancholic reality that I've been living in for most of my life.

The recent mission made me feel really down and somber more than how I usually am. Perhaps I'll intoxicate myself with alcohol to forget the sadness even for a while. That burning liquid might be able to numb the heartache I feel at the moment and drown out the overwhelming thoughts about her.