Chapter 13 - Don't Need No Cheers (TPM)

Author's Note: After this chapter, we'll get into a little more TPM aftermath, and then, there'll be some small time skips. :)

~ Amina Gila

The new Supreme Chancellor and the Jedi Council are coming here.

Everything that reminds me of Qui-Gon sets me off crying again. Everything that moves or breathes, every face I see, all I can think about is him. He's the one who was supposed to be here. I can't get his image out of my head, can't stop remembering the time we've spent with him. How he promised to watch over us. He should be here with us now, but... he's gone.

I'm seeing everything as though through a haze. The shuttle is landing, the Chancellor gets off. Obi-Wan moves towards them, Anakin and I trailing. Not because we care, but we know better than to wander. We'll stay with Obi-Wan. Yoda gets off the ship behind him, along with several others, including Windu. I don't recognize the others off the top of my head.

Obi-Wan bows in greeting, and Anakin and I automatically follow his example. The Chancellor stops in front of us, and I edge back, practically hiding behind Anakin. I'd be lying to say I wasn't nervous at seeing him. This is... what, the most powerful person in the galaxy? He looks rather pleased with himself, and something about him is setting off alarm bells. I'm probably just too jumpy around strangers. Maybe I'm just being too jumpy after what happened earlier. I'm still tense from the space battle, and that's probably worsening the tension. I'm exhausted. I really need to sleep, though I doubt I could if I tried.

"We are indebted to you for your bravery, Kenobi," He states, then shocks me by turning to Anakin, who I promptly step over to hide completely behind. "And you, young Skywalker. We will watch you with great interest." Anakin just stares, totally clueless how to react, but thankfully, Palpatine doesn't make him. Instead, he walks past the three of us, wisely ignoring my huge-eyed expression, and heads over to Padme. She's dressed as the queen again, and I remember how I'm still trying to come to terms with who she really is.

The sight of her painfully reminds me of just earlier today when we were going to talk to the Gungans. And Qui-Gon was still there. Anakin takes my hand again as tears sting my eyes for the hundredth time today. I need to calm down.

The Jedi Masters pass us, and I find myself just staring at them stonily. The boys bow, but I don't. I don't know why. Maybe because it hardly feels appropriate. They tried to take everything from my best friend. If they had sent someone else with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan... We wouldn't be in this mess. It's no one else's fault. Only theirs. And it's almost making me have second thoughts about becoming a Jedi after all. If not for Ahsoka, I might not.

"Congratulations on your election, Chancellor. It is so good to see you again," Padme is saying to Palpatine in the background. Again? Are they close friends? Because they saw each other, like what, yesterday? Maybe I've already lost count of the days...

"It's good to be home," Chancellor Palpatine replies, "Your boldness has saved our people, Your Majesty. It is you who should be congratulated. Together we shall bring peace and prosperity to the Republic." I hope so. I'd be a little more concerned about their amount of justice, though. Why didn't they react immediately when they heard what was happening on Naboo? They should have. And why didn't the Jedi send more than two people here into a situation like this? Especially when they knew full well there would probably be a Sith Lord here, waiting for Padme's return? There are too many questions and too few answers.

I glance sideways at Anakin, making a silent promise. I'm questioning literally everything, but regardless of it all, I'll follow Anakin. He's all I have now. If he can move on to become a Jedi, so will I. If the Council will allow it. I guess it all really depends on that. But we've stuck it through everything together so far, and I have every intent of continuing to do so. We'll stay together until the end.

**w**

The sun is setting, golden late afternoon light casting through the large windows. Obi-Wan had gone to talk to Yoda he'd said, and Anakin and I have been stuck in this room ever since. Or we're not stuck, but he'd brought us here, and we simply don't have the energy to get up and go anywhere else.

I'm resting my chin on my knees, arms wrapped around my legs. I'm still wearing the same white dress Rabe helped me change into last night, which is another of the same type I always wore on Tatooine. I only have a total of three, anyway.

Anakin is sitting on the floor a few feet away from me. He's hardly said a word since the end of the battle. Neither have I. Not to anyone else, and not really to each other either. What's there to say? Everything is still uncertain. And of course, me being me, always is set spiraling down the dark possibilities.

Last we heard, the Council refused to train Anakin, and I doubt they will change their minds. How am I supposed to choose between him and Ahsoka? I can't do it. I can't... I can't let her go, not after I just got her back. Anakin literally just lost everything... How can I make him lose me too?

I just can't stop thinking about Qui-Gon, remembering the time we'd spent together... Oh, I know Cotan would tell me to move on, that the past is the past and it doesn't really matter now, blah blah blah. But that nonsense isn't helpful on how to deal with the all-consuming pain pulsing through me.

Why did it have to be him? I know now beyond the shadow of a doubt that the strange feeling I'd gotten in the fighter had been from him. I don't know, I assume it must be a Jedi thing to be able to pick up each other's feelings. I just hadn't realized that extended to the point of being physical. I know Anakin had felt it, too, and he probably would have felt it even clearer than me if he hadn't been too preoccupied with escaping the Trade Federation ship.

I never used to be able to understand how people can hold still so long. Until now. I'm not sure I could even summon enough energy to stand. The reality of the past few days, and my entire life, in general, is starting to catch up with me. I've always lost everyone eventually. Who's to say Anakin won't be next? I already lost Ahsoka once, and though I might get her back, I'm not even sure of that. I'm not even worried about my previous concerns about Padme anymore. If we become Jedi, we're probably never going to end up seeing her again, anyways.

In a way, that just makes it worse. I like her. Her and Rabe both, and some of the others, but I can't remember their names. I wish we could spend more time with them, but they're busy and they have more important things to do.

"Why?" I whisper finally, "Why he have to die?" I look helplessly up at the droid sitting silently nearby, literally so quiet I almost forgot he was here.

Artoo beeps and whistles, rolling closer. Clearly, he's sensing my emotions. The droid is so much more sensitive than humans it's not even funny.

Today is supposed to be the day of mourning for the many that were lost, but a couple days, is literally going to be a celebration. A celebration of all things. I want to get out of it, but there doesn't seem to be any such hopes. The battle was won, and for whatever reason, everyone thinks celebrating only a few days after everything happened would be a great idea. I hardly think it seems appropriate to be having a celebration so soon, but then again, I don't know much about anything.

"I don't know," Anakin replies, somehow looking more helpless and miserable than me. "Mom says everyone has their time."

My expression twists. "It not fair!"

"Nothing is." Anakin scoots closer to me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer. I snuggle up against him, leaning over to rest my head in his lap.

I don't remember falling asleep, but once again, just like that night back on Tatooine, images start dancing before my eyes.

"Did I act five?" an older me asks, rolling onto her side on the bed.

"If you didn't before, you do now!" Anakin's cheerful voice replies.

Then there's something else, another world of barren rock and sand. There's a spaceship – one from Naboo – gliding across it. I'm sitting on a seat behind the two in front, Anakin piloting. When I start turning, I'm suddenly standing somewhere else, a blue lightsaber in my hands. Anakin's fighting side by side with me, and I sense someone else there, too, someone I don't recognize but just distinctly know on some inner level.

Then I'm running across the surface, the same planet, stopping next to Obi-Wan. I remember adult him from my previous vision. "Think they made it, Master?" Why am I calling him 'master'?!

"We can hope so," he offers.

The image dissipates, and I jolt awake. Was that real? What was that? And why do I keep on having these strange dreams?

"Ashla?"

"Wha?" I mumble, raising my head. I push myself upright, shuddering. "I have dream again," I tell him.

He frowns a little. "Oh."

I know Anakin has dreams that happen sometimes, and it's disconcerting to think I might have, also. Our conversation is interrupted when someone – one of the handmaidens – approaches us. It's not one I recognize. They all look the same except the blonde-one, but I can somehow tell their differences. Sabe is cold and sharp though not in a bad way, and Rabe has a sort of wildness to her that makes me like her already. This one is different; she feels soft and warm in much the same way Padme does, only more... friendly. "Padme wanted me to check on you," she says, "To see if you're okay."

"Mmhmm." Anakin nods immediately, though glumly. "Thank you. Tell Padme..."

"I will."

"Name?" I ask, tilting my head.

She smiles, though tiredly. "Yane."

**w**

I stand beside Anakin, staring into the fire. Obi-Wan is on his other side. There's no talking, only silence, as we remember our loss. It feels like something is intent on ripping my heart out from how much it hurts. I struggle not to cry, more because it really hurts than because I know I shouldn't or whatever everyone always tells me. Anakin himself seems on the verge of tears.

I still don't understand it, and millions of memories swirl through my mind. Qui-Gon was good, and he was strong so why, why did he die?! How could something have taken him? He freed Anakin and me. It's because of him that I found my way back to my sister. Qui-Gon was the only person who was willing to stand up for Anakin, when no one else did.

I'm well accustomed to death – how could I not be? I spent two years on Tatooine in which I often saw people die or being hurt in some method or another, whether it was by their detonators going off or shootouts which are very frequent, or by a wild animal.

Slaves don't mourn, though. Anakin and I always have, anyway. Always will. It hurts, unbearably, but we can't turn our backs on these people because they're gone. I hate death. I don't understand it. How is it fair for people to just... stop existing?! How could that possibly be right? I think, maybe, a long time ago, our family may have been religious once, but all I know is that I am not. I don't believe in faith or destiny or justice or any of those things, because I never see it around me. I can't. How could Anakin and I being treated like objects be right?! How could Qui-Gon's death be right?

I don't have the same passiveness that so many others – even Anakin, in many ways – has adapted to survive. Cotan told me over and over I should learn it, but I never have. I'm too new, and I still have much of that natural fire in me. Fire, like the golden orange flames in front of me, burning the body of one of the only people who ever cared for me, for Anakin. "Why?" I whisper again, "Why this happen?"

"Mom says there's a reason for everything," Anakin whispers. "That death is part of the never-ending cycle of life."

I shake my head in firm denial. I can't accept that. I won't. I've lost so much, and how do I know I won't lose Anakin or Ahsoka, too?

"What will happen to me now?" Anakin asks finally, looking up at Obi-Wan.

The Jedi turns towards him, his hood somewhat shadowing his face from the golden glow. "The Council has granted me permission to train you. You will be a Jedi. I promise."

Anakin nods but doesn't respond verbally. He looks back into the fire, but I can't feel the relief I thought I would. It's not a surprise though, is it? The man who freed him is gone. Anakin never had a father, for as much as he always wanted one. Everyone does on Tatooine, because it's the one person who can take care of you. Anakin had both me and his mother to care for, because he's a boy. He never had anyone to look after him, until Qui-Gon, and now he's gone. If Anakin is a Jedi though... I will be, too. Ahsoka will be there, too, and after so long of being separated, what more could I ask for?

I take a few seconds to be relieved I don't have to choose between my best friend and sister. It's not a choice I'd be able to make. It would destroy me.

Across the area, I see Yoda turning to Windu. I'm still angry at them for what they did to Anakin, and I always will be, but I can't help but perk up at their conversation. I get the feeling it might be important. Plus, it's something Anakin and I always do. The more aware we are of our surroundings, the better, because it allows us to hear if something bad is happening or if someone bad is coming. "Always two, there are. No more, no less. A master, and an apprentice."

"But which one was destroyed? The master? Or the apprentice?" Windu responds.

After the funeral is over, I run. Literally. I just need out, to be away. I don't understand it. I don't know how someone so good and strong could be gone forever. He was a Jedi. They aren't supposed to die! I don't know where I'm going, just to get some of the energy out of me before I try to sleep. I don't know where I'm going until I run into someone, literally. I scramble back with a gasp, expecting some snide comment oa worse, but instead, someone reaches down to pick me up. I nearly yell for Anakin but then I realize that the hands are soft and gentle. Rabe. Yane is nearby.

All thoughts of reason abandon me, and I throw my arms around her neck, breaking down into sobs.

"It'll be okay," Yane's voice promises, and it's calming enough for me to almost believe her. Almost. "Just breathe." She takes me from Rabe, and I get the feeling she knows much more what she's doing as she holds me gently. She keeps talking, but I don't catch everything she's saying. It's comforting and distracting, and it helps.

I've calmed down marginally by the time Anakin arrives. I can tell he's been crying, but he's doing a surprisingly good job pulling off the everything-is-fine face. "Come," he asks, holding his hand out to me after Yane sets me down. "If you won't eat, maybe we should at least sleep?" I'm surprised he's actually trying to take care of himself for once. Probably because he has me to worry about and knows I won't be taking care of myself without him bugging me. But sleeping does sound nice right about now. I cried myself past the point of exhaustion, and I just want to sleep and wake up in a nicer world where everything is good and right like it's supposed to be.

Good thing he has the sense not to harass me about eating. I wouldn't be able to, even though I am starving. I guess worry does that to a person. Especially a panicking five-year-old. Luckily, Anakin and I get to sleep in the same room. I feel strangely out of place, and I can't wait until something can be settled into some kind of routine.

I curl up next to my best friend the same as I used to when I'd stay over at his house back on Tatooine, not wanting to move. He's the only person I know with complete certainty is going to protect me, no matter what. After what feels like forever, I finally manage to dose off into a fitful sleep.

**w**

"You look weird," I inform Anakin for the millionth time, glancing at him again. It's been a few days since Qui-Gon died now, and it's time for the... parade.

We've changed our clothes into Jedi robes to fit our size. Anakin's are light cream colored, and mine are slightly lighter, almost white. I don't know if I like the color. It's nice and all, but it doesn't feel like it fits me. Besides, they're very loose. Not that I'm not used to it; I just find it annoying. White feels plainly too... pure for me. I'd fit better with a darker color. Besides, dark is warmer, and I'm still not adjusted to the cooler climates everywhere else. Maybe I'll consider looking into slightly different clothes when I get back to the Temple. For now, I'm stuck with these, and I can just be glad they're comfortable. How could I worry about color, after all? At least I have clothes.

I'm going to be an Initiate for a while, but Anakin will become a Padawan right away. He's much older than most people brought to the Temple, and though he needs to catch up to other younglings of his age, he's already far more advanced in many areas. I'm almost excited to know what'll happen, but Obi-Wan is his teacher. (It was supposed to be Qui-Gon...)

I'm still getting used to his padawan haircut, though. I'm still adamant that boys look weird with braids. Instead of the light blond I'm used to, his hair looks a lot browner.

"You've told me that already," Anakin whispers back, watching the parade marching towards us. We're standing beside each other, next to Obi-Wan. Artoo is beside me. Beyond Padme, Chancellor Palpatine, Yoda, and Windu, I don't recognize anyone else here. Padme is dressed as Queen, of course, wearing a white dress which I think fits her wonderfully. Much better than the color fits me.

Boss Nass, Jar Jar, and the other Gungan general have arrived for the parade and march up the steps towards us. I giggle at Jar Jar's antics, but my amusement dissipates when I notice Anakin's expression. Of course. He's still struggling with Qui-Gon and Shmi's loss. For how much I've been crying over the past few days, I don't know how it slipped my mind, even for a moment.

The Jedi don't look particularly cheerful either, probably because of the return of the Sith, which they'd thought were not around for almost a thousand years. How they could still be here then if they were really extinct, though, is beyond me. Unless they can resurrect themselves.

When the Gungnas arrive at the top of the steps, Padme holds out a shimmering, white orb to Boss Nass. The Globe of Peace. Jar Jar waves his arms in the air while all the onlooker's cheer. Padme glances over at Anakin, who offers an awkward half-smile in return. He still hasn't quite gotten over the realization that she is the Queen, and we haven't talked to her much afterwards.

The celebration doesn't last much longer after that. It's late in the afternoon when it's time for the Jedi to return to Coruscant. It's not until then that I realize we probably won't end up going back to Naboo, but I hardly have time to take in all the sights before we have to say goodbye to our friends... again.

"I miss you," I tell Jar Jar, hugging him as best I can.

"Mesa miss yousa too," he replies sadly, hugging me back before turning to Anakin.

Finding Padme to say goodbye to her is harder, but we stand out, and she steps aside to talk to us. I feel bad for dragging her away from her duties – I know Anakin does, too – but this is the last time we'll see her for the indefinite future. "We'll be leaving for Coruscant," Anakin says, slightly awkwardly. "I... just wanted to say goodbye."

"Of course," she nods. I think she's sad. Maybe. "I'm sure you'll both be great Jedi."

Anakin nods, shyly. "Thank you," he says, "You're a good leader, and a friend. I'll miss you."

"I'll always remember you," Padme promises. "You saved our planet." She looks down at me, and something slightly heavy enters her eyes. I'd honestly thought she'd forgotten all about me. "I think," she adds, "When my term is over, maybe I'll try to help your people like you did mine. No one should have to go through what you did."

"I guess we'll hafta see who makes it back first," Anakin says, launching himself into her arms. They embrace each other tightly for a long moment before moving back, and she crouches to be more at eye-level with me.

"Stay safe, Ashla," she advises. "Stay out of trouble."

"I not get trouble!" I argue fiercely, pointing at Anakin. "He does!"

Padme laughs, pulling me briefly into a one-armed hug and kissing my forehead. "We'll miss you."

"I miss you, too," I mumble. I don't want to think about it. These are another group of friends out of my life for the indefinite future. Maybe – probably – forever. Somehow, the only constant in my life is Anakin. "Tell others?"

She smiles. "Of course." Padme stands again and I move back to Anakin's side. He's watching with a faint longing in his eyes, and I know he's thinking the same as me – of how deeply he misses his family and how badly he wants to stay together with everyone. We're both so, so tired of losing.

"And Ani? Never do something so stupid again."

"I saved the planet!"

"I would not recommend repeating it, regardless," a familiar voice says coolly – Obi-Wan. I don't know when or where he showed up from. I didn't even notice his approach! "It was excessively dangerous."

Anakin almost pouts. Almost. I would have laughed at him, too, except Artoo rolls up, beeping sadly, and Anakin turns to have a chat with him I don't understand a syllable of it, except I run over to the droid and pat as high up as I can reach. "I miss you," I whisper to him, though I can't shake the feeling that this won't be the last time we're here. I don't know why or where the thought came from, but it feels... right.

This isn't a final goodbye, just a goodbye for a long time. I can feel it, and it makes it easier.

Anakin and I turn back before we walk away, and Jar Jar waves. I wave back, smiling, even if I want to cry. I love you all, I think fiercely, words I won't dare say. Anakin takes my hand again, and I can't help remembering when we were forced to walk away from Shmi as we leave our friends behind... again.

"Maybe someday when we're older we can come back," Anakin utters longingly, glancing around the forest.

"Perhaps," Obi-Wan says.

Once we get back to Coruscant... I won't be able to be with Anakin all the time anymore. I'm still coming to terms with that realization. The very thought of not being with my best friend all the time is just... wrong. It's plain wrong. There's not really anything I can do about it, though, not anymore.

We board the ship, Anakin and I watching for the last few seconds before the ramp closes and the ship starts taking off, taking us away from the closet planet to what I'd call my home. Aside from Shili. A multitude of emotions are assaulting me, and I don't bother trying to take the time to sort them out. I can just hope this won't be the last time I come here. This place... it feels so much like home to me. It made me feel at peace. Not that I mind the city of Coruscant, but I don't think I'll ever be able to be there without remembering how the Council rejected Anakin. It's plainly unfair, and it's an injustice I'll never forgive. I probably couldn't even if I wanted to, which I don't.

"We hardly see each other," I worry as soon as I manage to find a spot to talk to Anakin without anyone else overhearing. It's been bugging me the entire time, and the thought of a life without Anakin being my best friend who I'd do anything for is just wrong. I'm still used to sneaking out of work whenever I have a chance so we can talk to each other.

"Don't worry," Anakin offers me a bright smile. "I'll make sure to sneak to where you are whenever I have a chance, 'kay? I'll always find you."

I nod, unable to help but grin back. My best friend's smiles are unbelievably contagious. For the briefest moment, all my worries over the last few days fade away, and I step forwards, wrapping my arms around him. "Thanks, Ani." Maybe I was wrong, after all. Maybe he won't choose anyone over me... maybe I won't have to lose him. Right now, none of it really matters. We're both here, we're together. And just this once, everything is perfect.

Anakin wraps his arms around me, pulling me against him. I snuggle against him, and I feel his cheek resting against my montrals. "That's what friends are for."

**w**

We're back at the Temple again, and I have very mixed feelings about it. We're Jedi, and... I'm glad about it, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm one of them. It'll take time I guess, but I don't want to wait. I've never been good at waiting, for anything. And... I have no idea what this life is like or if or how often I'll see Anakin... and Obi-Wan.

"You'll see your sister again," Anakin reminds me before Obi-Wan can take him off, "But... is your sister's name Ahsoka or Ahsoha?"

I scrunch my face in annoyance. It's not my fault I can't figure out how to make a k sound mid-word yet. "Ahsoka," I say, finally.

"Good luck," he tells me, before following Obi-Wan.

"You too," I yell after. I watch him until he's out of sight, even though I'm supposed to be following one of the other masters – why are they called Masters?! That was supposed to be in the past! – to wherever I'm supposed to be staying.

My heart rate spikes the moment he's out of sight, as the absolute uncertainty of the situation crashes over me. I have no idea what this means for me or him, or what this will be like. I've never been without Anakin for an extended period, and I have no idea how to survive without him at my side. I want him to be with me, holding my hand, telling me it'll be okay. This is new and terrifying, and even if I don't think the Jedi will hurt me – they're good. Good people aren't mean – I didn't think they'd ever abandon Anakin, either.

Everything is scary, and my head is throbbing faintly again, and it's new and noisy and different, and I don't know what's going on.

I'm not sure I've ever been more freaked out or confused in my life when someone finally shows up.

"Ashla!" I spin around at the voice to see Ahsoka running towards me. The first real smile since we left the Temple last time breaks across my face and I run towards her, scooping her into a tight hug. "I was afraid you wouldn't come back." There's an expression of sincere relief on her face. I never really thought about how worried she'd be. Not until right now. And I feel bad for not thinking more about her than I did. That's what sisters should do, after all.

"I'm here now," I assure her, never wanting to let go. We could have lost each other again. But at least we won't again. We will be Jedi, and we'll be together forever. At the very least, despite everything that's happened over the course of the past week, our fate is sealed. And it looks anything but gloomy, even though everything still hurts so much right now. "And I'm not going anywhere."

"Good." She snuggles closer, if that's even possible. I'm more than happy to keep holding her. "What happened on Naboo?"

"The battle. Ani and I flew into space and blew up the ship." I'm still proud about that. If Anakin hadn't managed to get behind that shield, a lot more people would have died that day. Never mind they might not even have been able to destroy the ship. Someone probably would have figured it out eventually, but it wouldn't have been until too late.

I don't want to mention everything that happened with Qui-Gon right now. I don't really want to tell my little sister that the first – probably second, actually – Jedi she knew was killed. By a Sith Lord, who Obi-Wan killed. It's a good thing, too.

If the Sith wasn't already dead... I'd probably promise to spend the rest of my life hunting it down for what it did. I may be a very caring and sensitive person by nature, but there is no hurting my family or friends. I never forgive that.

Ahsoka frowns, sensing my thoughts. "Don't be angry," she chides. "We're with each other again." And of that I'm truly grateful. I just hope I can see Anakin and Ahsoka on a regular basis. I'm going to be staying with the Initiates for the next nearly a decade until I'm old enough to become a padawan. Until then... I won't really be in their same classes. Which means I won't see them much. Whatever it is, I'm confident we'll be able to pull through. We always have. Besides, Anakin promised. And he always keeps his promises.

Whatever life throws at us. Anakin won't let me go, and I'm never letting him go, either. He's my best friend as much as Ahsoka is my sister. For better or worse, we're going to stick it through together. From back when we first laid eyes on each other so long ago until the end.

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