Chapter three: information

Hoshiko learned how to enhance her body after a while, and soon she found that her chakra control was quite good, though that is probably attributed to the fact that she's a civilian and has less chakra than everyone else.

She can sort of feel it; there's no way to explain the sensation. She can only measure one person's chakra reserves to another's. She has tried to explain it as depth, like a river or an ocean, but that wasn't quite right; there was just more.

Take Team Seven, for instance:

Sasuke's chakra is cold and dark, like an endless cavern that, despite all its terror, you cannot help but get pulled in by its odd charm.

Naruto is bright and warm, like sunshine given form—not quite liquid, but something like how you can feel the air on your skin. You can feel the heat, but it's not heat; it's something, and there's a ball of chakra so hot and intense that she can't help but believe it to be the Kyūbi.

Sakura is... a contradiction. She thinks it's due to Inner Sakura, something she can vaguely remember existing inside her head as a split personality? Yeah, she doesn't think the Haruno are all like that. Well, the bit she's felt of Sakura's mother's chakra told her that, but her mother had blonde hair, so maybe she should be looking for clans or special technique users who have pink hair?

If all goes to plan, then that won't be Team Seven anymore. It's not truly the Team Seven she knew without Sakura, but they'll be known as Team Seven here. That would be hard to get into her skull; Team Seven consists of Uchiha Sasuke, Kazama Hoshiko, and Uzumaki Naruto not Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto.

Hoshiko was pretty much at the top in smarts. She used to be quite high in the fighting ring, and while she is still up there, better than average, she will never be a taijutsu specialist. She just doesn't have the right body or mindset for it. She couldn't be like Lee with his determination because she just wasn't good at staying focused on one thing single-handedly.

The point was that she'd probably never become anything close to a taijutsu master. She'd prefer to be a jack–of–all trades since her chakra control is so good, a lot of jutsu are just easy for her, but the drain is annoying. She's talked with Iruka about how to get better reserves, and while she was given advice, a lot of it came with being careful and having a supervisor. Fair. With who is in her class, that was very fair, but also, she's mentally an adult; she would be fine.

Unless she wouldn't, and there's some part of it that Hoshiko doesn't know about, something that makes it more dangerous. She just doesn't know enough about chakra to use it without paranoia gripping her.

One can die from chakra exhaustion; the body is reliant on it. As you exhaust your chakra, you slowly cut it off form your limbs, or maybe you do it fast. Either way, your chakra is cut off from each limb, each muscle, until one of your organs starts to fail, and you die.

A painful process, or maybe not; it all depends on how fast you're expelling that chakra ("She died upon impact"). Hoshiko is reminded of chakra control when Naruto bounds up, complaining about detention and the Leaf exercise. She cannot help but smile fondly; this is not her best friend and brother, but Naruto is like a pleasant reminder of what once was, what she could have again. So she steels her nerves and asked him, "Hey, Naruto..." Hoshiko trailed off, hands clenching. This would throw off the plot, would change things. She isn't sure if it's going to be drastic.

For all the "when a butterfly flaps its wings" nonsense, she has barely made any changes that truly matter. She tried to keep Ino and Sakura from fighting, but they continue anyway. Sasuke and Naruto... don't really acknowledge each other outside of fights, but she doesn't know if the animosity comes later or not.

But this, this could change a lot, and she—she has to prepare for it. Maybe she could bring the two together; she could—Hoshiko doesn't really know if this is the right direction. She hasn't seen stories, fanfictions where they are told not by a reincarnation at least.

She isn't talking about the massacre or Naruto's parents or even his tenant, but—if this goes well, then maybe she could tell them more. She could tell them about their past. Maybe.

Hoshiko wants to tell them, so she will. "Naruto, mind meeting me at the tree in the back where Sasuke and I usually sit?" She keeps her voice light, careful not to shift; she's too stiff. They are going to notice something is up but not what.

Her sunshine blonde friend agreed easily, if only with a look at Sasuke, and so she waits, buzzing in her seat. She wonders if this is a good idea, but no—this is a test run to see if her friends could keep a secret. If—if they could, then maybe she'll tell them about the rest in the Land of Waves arc. Or she could tell them when they've left on a C-rank, and maybe, just maybe, they can trust Kakashi–Sensei with it too.

If fanfictions are to be believed, then Kakashi will be trustworthy, but—that's fiction, not canon. What if the canon didn't have him like that? What if he was broken? What if Hoshiko changed too much, made him different? What if he didn't like them?

There are so many "what if" scenarios that she doesn't know when or where she'll be taken, but she knows that it isn't healthy. She shouldn't be thinking like this. It's not healthy for her, and so she stops. She pushes it into the darkest recesses of her mind. It's not a healthy alternative—not healthy at all. But as long as she doesn't have to spiral into insanity (not now, not ever), then it'll be fine. Not long-term. She'd never keep this long-term. She just needs time.

Hoshiko settles down and searches for something to write with, getting ready for class while holding her ears at the sound of yelling from their Sensei, another canon character, one that she hopes fiction is right about. Iruka–Sensei has to be trustworthy, right? Right?

She wants to believe it. She wants to believe that this village will trust her, that they won't send her down and lock her up using her information of the world for things she doesn't want to be used for—darker things than she can take. What if they don't let her live? If this gets out that she knows the future, a future that is—would she even be allowed out again? Would she be trapped, chastised for trying to steal a spot among their ranks? Would she be seen as the outsider she is?

Because this isn't her birthplace where she was born and raised. This was a second childhood, one that was invalid (but it wasn't) because she already knew. Some part of her knew.

When she was younger than this, she couldn't understand why she was like this, why she was different, why she had such differing views, why she was just... smarter than them, more likely to look things up, to understand, to learn, to remember.

Then she truly remembered. It all clicked for her that she was someone before she was Hoshiko. She was always a child of the stars, but not these stars.

At that time, when she first remembered, she had nightmares about people finding out and hating her, about the past she had lost, about it all being some traumatic response to what though was never explained.

But the worst of all was when she dreamed of the endless void of stars, empty yet full, when she could feel fire crawling up her arms and air being sucked out of her lungs. She remembered the feeling of being dragged down by phantom arms, of restless floating and scalding cold. Cold and hot at the same time, a contradiction she's beginning to really not like. She was purple, blue, green, all colors at once yet never changing. She was not something the mortal eye can perceive. She was... she was not real.

For those few seconds, she did not exist, and then she came back in a body too small and skin too tight. She slept and slept and slept because there was only pain when she was awake.

Hoshiko looks behind her, feeling a stare pierce into her back, but she sees no one watching her. She is not fooled. This may be paranoia talking, but she believes she knows who's watching.

He's lazy, he sleeps, and he wears his hair in a ponytail like a pineapple. Guess who? And the first two guesses don't count.

Ding, ding, ding. It is indeed one Nara Shikamaru.

Again, this may be her paranoia talking, but he's watching her. Maybe he knows how strange she is, even in the world of shinobi. And isn't that something? To be truly strange when strangeness is practically a bonus of the job. Whether it's a good one or bad depends on the person. It depends on how willing they are to let grief hold them, how many vices they have to take until it's forgotten, forgiven, until what they do doesn't weigh on them.

And even then, there are very few who are actually stable, who can look a Yamanaka in the eyes and say, "I'm completely fine," and not be lying. Because "fine" doesn't only refer to physical health. Not in her eyes, at least. Being fine means a lot. It's ambiguous and just not right. It's not something you really mean, but still, to be able to say it and not lie is a feat she doesn't think she can do.

She isn't fine. She isn't doing well, but she's trying so hard (why won't they notice her?). She gets good grades, sleeps well, and has hobbies that she generally enjoys most of the time. Drawing is a bit frustrating, and so is writing, especially when blocked by a lack of inspiration, a lack of want to put something on paper. Hoshiko can't say she hates it, though. Drawing, writing, they've been a stable in her life since seventh grade.

It brings memories, brings them closer, and she isn't always glad about it. It leaves a bittersweet taste in her mouth, a reminder of many things. It reminds her of those she has lost and what they would've wanted. They wouldn't want her to be sad. They wanted to be remembered in a good way. He wanted to be a famous author, and he wanted to take over his father's business. They were hers, and she was theirs.

She knows what they would've wanted, and they were hers. She would do anything for those who are hers, even if that means moving on, even if that means she has to fight her guilt, shame, and grief. Then she will: always and always.

She meets Naruto at the spot, and Sasuke probably didn't hear them when they were speaking since he looked taken aback. She isn't too sure; his expressions are still so muted, so quiet. She doesn't know how to put it; she's already made all the right movements. Now she just has to hope and pray that she isn't being monitored, that maybe, just maybe, there aren't actually black ops following those two.

So she sits down between them. "So you may be wondering what we're doing here," she starts and is immediately cut off from continuing. "Yeah, yeah. What are we doing?" The blonde, ever so cheerful, voices, and she can't even be mad at him.

"Right..." Hoshiko drawls and isn't very surprised to see the raven being quiet. She elongates the silence for as much as she can realistically do without it becoming too awkward before she starts.

And she does that with a question. "Say Naruto, where'd you get Uzumaki from?" And this may take a bit because she's determined to tell them the right things. She wants to know if they can keep a secret, no matter how much nonsense it may be. She needs this, she needs to know, and she needs to know if this'll have consequences, what consequences, how will the butterfly flap its wings?

So she talks and talks about Uzushio, about the Uzumaki: their Fuinjutsu skills, the healing bite, chakra chains, and their lifespan. Anything and everything she can remember but always, always skirting around the members. She wants to be sure that nothing will happen, that everyone will be fine, even if she tells them it all. She doesn't want to endanger those she cares for because –

It's obvious now; she's already decided that they're hers. Now she just needs to be theirs.