"Alrighty, Venti…I have…classes," Aleshk said with a shudder, "so you're coming with me!"
"Okay?"
After a confused Aleshk, who changed her form into that of a 26-year-old, searched for the classes, she went to Nahida for help.
"Nahida, what the f- '' Nahida looked at Aleshk disapprovingly, "-hell do I do? Where are the stu-pendous classes?" Gia corrected.
"...I'll show you. And watch your language." Nahida chided.
"I didn't say it!"
"..."
PAGE BREAK
Later in class
"So, you are going to choose an animal to write about. Ms. Aleshk, what are you picking?"
"I don't see how animals have to do with this Darshan, but," Gia smirked, "I am choosing puppets."
"HOW DARE YOU? Y-YOU ARE WORTHLESS, WRETCHED VERMIN!" Kazeharu screeched, slamming his hand down onto the desk.
PAGE BREAK
10 Minutes Later
" ! Were you just sleeping in class!?" the professor yelled.
"Perhaps I was, sir."
"Teach the class."
"What?" Gia blinked.
" .Class." the professor reiterated, accentuating each word.
"Hey, she only fell asleep because she just got back from a war!" Venti defended.
The professor scoffed, "A likely tale. Teach. NOW."
"Alright, alright, alright! *AHEM* Puppets are amazing. Unless…you are the Raiden Shogun puppet. Then you suck and are a freaking bot . The end."
"Teach a real lesson."
"Fine. Puppets can only be created by gods or similar beings or beings similar in power. Puppets are very human-like, except they have blood made from an unknown, ink-like substance. Their hearing is advanced, too. Fun fact: they can be reset! Anyways, normal injuries affect them much less, they can be hurt, though. They mainly get hurt by *emotional damage* though. They also don't actually need many organs, such as the heart.(which they don't have, usually, though they still feel, most likely because- anyways…) They don't even need to breathe! Moral of the story; puppets are the clearly superior beings and humans suck."
"That was…alrighty, you are dismissed."
PAGE BREAK
"Before you go…" Wanderer stopped Gia, "the Tsaritsa, ugh, told me something."
"Okay? That's weird, you hate the Fatui for some reason *cough, trauma, cough*"
"I do. But, it was about some…things you said."
Gia's eyes widened, "W-what things!?"
Haru smirked, "Another day."
"More like another century…" Gia grumbled.
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
" . .KAZUHARU!?" Gia questioned the Tsaritsa.
"What you said…and my suspicions…"
Gia paled, appearing mortified.
"Wh-why-wha-b-bu-but-oh-oh n- oh no!" she stuttered.
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
The next day
"Ms. Aleshk. The students were interested in your…lesson. They requested another from you."
"Bruh…I'm not the teacher. That's your job."
"..." the professor gave Gia a pointed glare.
"Of course, I'll give a lesson, sir."
"That's better."
A few minutes later
"Hello my temporary students…Let's talk about…immortality. It sucks. Don't try to be immortal, unless you are a Harbinger. Only they are actually good enough to have immortality. Cause I mean…Ya all suck- anyways…If an immortal person falls in love with a mortal-which is pretty cliche- the mortal eventually dies, and boohoo the immortal person gets depressed or crazy and either kills other people or themself and then a war happens and the immortal dies in the war because of the mortal in some way shape or form and- AHEM, anyways, you get my point. Immortality is sometimes a curse, not a blessing. Anyways…Anyone want to learn how to mutilate a corpse properly to erase signs of murder?"
*Silence*
"UGH…You lot are soooo boring…Dottore likes that lesson! Whatever, any requests?"
"What about," a girl with now-sparkling eyes started, "the red string of fate."
"Ew that sappy thing? Well, it does exist. It's stupid though. Blah blah blah, turn 20, blah blah, soulmates, blah blah, only the soulmate can untie the string…BLAH BLAH BLAH."
"Have you…ever seen it?" the girl asked in anticipation.
"No. Well, another me did, so TECHNICALLY, yes."
"Have you ever been in love, Ms. Aleshk?" the girl asked again.
"..."
"..."
"..."
"...PUPPET CLONIEEEEEEE~!" M.s Aleshk called.
"Yes?" the Gia version questioned.
"Please get the 'me' with the most love experience."
"The one with 12 cults?"
"I guess."
*Click!"
"Alrighty, for those sappy people, you can stay…For those people who are not sappy, aka people I don't hate, you can leave, or stay and make fun of the sappy ones."
"You may not make fun of your classmates!" the professor yelled.
"Whatever."
*Pop!*
*Tap!*
PAGE BREAK
"So, how was class~?" Nahida asked with a small smile.
"I taught it." Aleshk replied.
"Ergo, it sucked."
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh-"
"Stop it you two!" the dendro archon chided.
"Alright, fine." they both said at the same time.
"Y'know what? I really hate you."
"Not what I heard! I heard you lo-" Kazeharu teased.
"Shut up you idiot!" the unhinged god interrupted.
"You love me!" Haru snickered.
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Nuh uh!"
"Uh huh!"
"Should…I go?" Venti asked.
"Let's go observe sad realities and cry…I'll get you enough wine to make you drunk twice over!"
"Woohoo!" the drunkard cheered.
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
As discussed the previous day, Venti and Aleshk were sobbing from observing too much angst.
"How could he do that? T-THEY WERE SO IN LOOOOVEEE AND-AND-AND HE SEPARATED THE TWO FOREVEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRR!" Venti wailed.
"I KNOW! The-the last one…that one was the worst...IT WAS HORRIBBLEEEE!"
"Yeah…the son a-asking about the f-father that died in t-the war! Saying-saying he w-wanted to b-be a hero like his f-father, but the father said- said he d-didn't want to be called a h-hero if he di-died, which he -he did!"
"Could you two IDIOTS BE ANY LOUDER?!"
"It's just so sad!"
"I don't care, Aleshk! Just shut up! You too, you drunk buffoon!"
*Hic!*
"I'm not a drunk-drunk buffoon!"
"Any-anyways, I'm getting medicine. It's a miracle Venti is still standing…"
*SMACK!*
"Nevermind, he fell." Gia said, picking Venti up and teleporting to Bubu Pharmacy.
PAGE BREAK
"Hey, Qiqi! Where's Baizhu?"
"Umm," Qiqi checked her book, "in the back…I'll get him." the little zombie answered in her monotonous voice, heading into the back room."
After a minute, Baizhu returned with a bottle in his hand.
"The usual?" Changsheng asked.
"Yep." Aleshk replied.
"50,000 mora, but for you," Baizhu paused, "75,000 mora."
"Alright. I'll pay 75,000…BUT for you, I'll give you 400,000 mora." Aleshk chirped.
"..."
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
"Venti, here's the medicine, I gotta go, goodbye!"
"Thanks, b-bye."
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
"Yes, Childe?"
"Spar with me!" the ginger demanded.
"I don't want tooooooo!"
"The Universe and the Tsaritsa command you too! By the way, I win, you go on a date with that Wanderer, and if you win, you go on a date with that Wanderer!"
"Excuse me?"
"Ya have to do it!"
"FINE…Guess I have to."
30 seconds later…
"You win, woohoo…" Aleshk said unenthusiastically.
"You went way too easy on me, comrade! Anyways, go!"
"Ughhhh!"
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
Aleshk walked to Kazeharu and at the same time they grumbled in an annoyed tone, "Ugh they're forcing me to do this-"
"What?"
"Who?"
"You go first-" they said at the same time.
"Just do it at the same time." Gia suggested.
"Whatever."
"They've forced me to go on a date with you." they both said.
"Guess we have to-WILL YOU STOP SAYING IT AT THE SAME TIME AS ME!?" they screeched at the same time.
"ANYWAYS, where and when?" Aleshk asked.
"I don't know or care and I guess…tomorrow at 6:00."
"How about the highest place in Sumero?"
"Alright, I guess."
PAGE BREAK
"We did it!" Nahida, Lumine, and Venti cheered.
"Aleshk is gonna kill us!" Lumine laughed.
"She absolutely will!" Venti agreed.
"I cannot believe you did this, Buer, Traveller, emergency food, BARSIBATOS."
"W-where did you come from, Aleshk?" the traveller asked, "and I'm not emergency food! That joke is so old now!" Paimon added.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, and how dare all of you! I swear you'll regret this, if I don't get you one day, Karma will!"
"Ehe…don't kill us please…and don't call me Barsibatos!" Venti nervously chuckled.
*Pop!*
Gia teleported away, leaving behind a ticking bomb.
"RUN!" Paimon screeched.
PAGE BREAK
The next day in class
"AHEM, hello class that I apparently teach now. Today we will be creating a puppet…cause I said so and we can. My coworker finally stopped being an introverted workaholic and went out and touched some grass, probably for the first time in one million years…She'll be telling you about the creation of one…though her puppets are like…budget puppets. Knockoff puppets. AHEM anyways, um um um…mmm…uh what was I saying…OH yeah! You can go work for the Marionette if you are skilled enough at this activity." Gia announced/rambled.
"My assistants are puppets. I hate people. I find them idiotic and risible."
"HAHAHAHA-RISIBLE, RIZZIBLE HAHA!" Gia wheezed.
"Ugh…"
One blond student raised her hand.
"HA-W-What?" Gia asked.
"You said Marionette…you mean that she's a Fatui Harbinger!?"
"Yep."
"AH!" most of the students yelled. Kazeharu looked annoyed and like he wanted to kill everyone.
"It's fine! LET'S CONTINUE ON! Like Sandrone said, all her assistant's are puppets, meaning you'd become a puppet, which is a pretty cool perk!"
"Perk? How is that a perk? Who'd want to be a heartless, zombie-like puppet? They are like zombies, right?" a jer-ahem a student- with brown hair and an ugly appearance(definitely not ugly because he insulted puppets ehe…#Unbiased)
"Puppets are not emotionless, not like zombies, and EVERYONE SHOULD WANT TO BE ONE."
"Wow, did I strike a nerve, Miss. Aleshk? Whatever, I still find puppets to be lower than humans."
"Funny how the opposite is true. I should mention, Between me and everyone I'm friends/ associated with, there is an unspoken rule: never, I REPEAT NEVER, insult puppets around me," Gia starting in a dangerous tone, "humans are weak and fragile imbeciles…My good friend Dottore isn't all that picky when it comes to test subjects. You'll be one soon enough, since you dared to break the unspoken rule." Gia finished in a low voice.
"Ha," the j-student scoffed, "you're bluffing."
"Sandrone….get me Dottore."
"I don't even think I should be here…I am pretty sure Dottore is banned or something from Sumero."
"The status of being banned from somewhere is like a restraining order: it honestly doesn't do much."
"Whatever you say…"
PAGE BREAK
Later
"Come on, reason three-hundred why humans suck and puppets are superior, NOW!" Gia commanded.
The door opened.
"Y-You actually got him…" the student gulped, and the others ran as far from the Doctor as they could in the classroom.
"I hear there is a new test subject for me?" Dottore asked Aleshk.
"Yes! But, it's not really a test subject…more like I want you to turn it into its idea of a puppet; a heartless, emotionless zombie!"
"I'm not an 'it'!" the student yelled.
"Alright, I'll take the thing." Dottore agreed, ignoring it.
"Or a 'thing'!" it added.
"Now, does anyone else wanna insult puppets or look down on them and join that student?" Gia asked.
"NO!" Everyone yelled.
"Good. Bye Dottore, and Sandrone, come again in three days please. Class dismissed, bye idiots!"
After everyone left
"Thanks, Aleshk."
"No problem Haru."
"Is that really an unspoken rule?"
"Yep! By the way, I've been wondering, is it true that in your past Balladeer life, you attacked someone for smiling? And burned their arms off?"
"Um…..Yes?"
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
"Welcome back!" Nahida greeted.
"Lesser Lord Kusanali." Gia nodded her head in a cold greeting.
"Uh…H-How was class?"
"You tell her." Kazeharu commanded Aleshk.
"Some stupid guy started insulting puppets. He thought they were heartless, emotionless zombies."
"What did you do?"
"Sent him to Dottore."
"GIA!"
"I couldn't let that-that THING say those things!"
"That was too severe!"
"No, Buer. It was not…Right, Haru?"
"Sureeee…"
"Exactly!"
"Just…don't do that again!"
"Are you gonna make me not do it again like you made me have to go on a date with Kazeharu?"
"..."
PAGE BREAK
"C'mon Aleshk, it's time!" Venti excitedly announced.
"Ughhhh….alright, Venti…" Aleshk groaned.
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
"So…what do we do?" Aleshk asked.
"You're asking me?"
"I believe I am."
"..."
"..."
"Lets…talk, I guess…" Aleshk suggested.
"Alright…"
"...Do you know about Timmie from Mondstadt?"
"No."
"The little kid whose father went to get milk and never returned?"
"What?"
"Alright, the father didn't actually go to get milk, but he did not return."
"O…kay?"
"He's the Demon Lord of Pigeons and Fowl, also."
"You are confusing me…"
"Scare his pigeons away, or worse, kill them, then…good luck, you'll need it."
"Good luck? You said he's a little kid."
"He is…and he is also the Demon Lord of Pigeons and Fowl! He once beat me up."
"He beat you…the number two most powerful being to ever exist, up? And here I was, thinking you were strong."
"I am strong! He just…Caught me off guard! Y'know when I was younger I was attacked by children!"
"No I don't know that…How pathetic you are."
"HEY! A-Anyways…Speaking of demons, did you know that the archon's god names are demon names from earth? Such as Barbatos! And Hypostasis names are…I forgot, something about angels and alphabets? So the hypostasis are like the 'angels' to the 'demons' or something…"
"Huh…I didn't know that. You actually have a brain! Colour me impressed."
"Rude! Whatever, read this." Aleshk replied, handing Haru a paper.
"100 Reasons Why Humans are Lowly Vermin and Puppets are Superior." Haru read out loud.
"Yeah, read the WHOLE thing!"
"Fine."
#1. Humans are weak and stupid. Puppets are not.
#2. Puppets don't need food, water, or sleep. If you are going on a trip or you get kidnapped or something, you need MUCH less supplies.
#3. Puppets are SOOOO hard to kill! Humans are SO easy to.
#4. Puppets are not annoying worms(mostly), unlike most humans.
26 minutes later
#100. I, Gia, Aleshk, god of realities, best friend of the universe, Venti's drinking buddy, the number two most powerful being to ever exist, the Wolf, and many more titles, am in love with one.
"WHAT?" Kazeharu gasped, looking at Aleshk with wide eyes.
"I take it your on #100. Bye bye!"
*Pop!*
"What just happened…" Haru mumbled.
"Nahida…" he said to Nahida in his head.
"Yes, Wanderer?"
"I'm coming. Be ready. Now."
"Okay!"
PAGE BREAK
A few minutes later
"Hehe." Nahida chuckled.
"What's so funny?"
"Nothing! Did you have a good time?"
"...No, it was stupid and boring, " he Haru lied, "We basically just talked about a Demon Lord of Pigeons and she made me read this list." he said, showing Nahida the 100 Reasons list, "Read #100."
"Ehehe! Traveller, Venti, Paimon, come read the title and #100!"
"Huh? They're here? Really, Buer…" Wanderer complained.
The three read the two things and smiled.
"Now you gotta tell her!" Lumine and Paimon said.
"No."
"C'mon! You don't have anything to fear!" Venti exclaimed.
"Yeah, it's not like she can die or she doesn't feel the same way!" Nahida agreed.
"..."
"Do it." someone said.
"AH! S-since when did Childe get in here!?" Paimon yelled.
"Aren't they supposed to be…Like not allowed in the Sanctuary?" Lumine asked.
"Perhaps. Anyways, I implore you to do it." Dottore stated.
Venti and Paimon ran behind Lumine, who assumed a defensive stance.
"Dottore…What are you doing here?" she glared.
"Hey, I'm not here to fight. Just to get this Wanderer to tell Aleshk how he feels."
"I didn't take you for someone who'd encourage sappy stuff." said Nahida.
"I'm not."
"All the Harbingers say to do it. I'm Columbina, by the way."
Most of them gave a small wave.
"Anyways, how are there HARBINGERS in the Sanctuary?" Haru asked, with disgust in his voice when he said 'Harbingers'.
"We broke in." Childe answered.
"Just so you'd ask Aleshk out! Do it! Do it! Do it!" the three harbingers chanted.
"DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!" everyone but Kazeharu joined in.
"Ugh…FINE! I'll do it!"
"Great!" everyone said… well almost everyone.
The puppet walked out of the Sanctuary of Surasthana.
"ALESHK!"
*Pop!*
"Yes, Haru?"
"I-uh-lov—" he started slowly.
"—st my steak knife." he quickly ended.
"Your…Steak knife? Why do you even…y'know what, nevermind, just get another," "and I'M weird…" she added under her breath.
Kazeharu was pulled back into the Sanctuary.
"You lost your steak knife?" Dottore asked, exasperated.
"Get back out there!" Lumine pushed Wanderer back out.
"Uh…Aleshk!" Haru called again.
"Yes? Did you get a steak knife?" Aleshk asked, her left hand holding a pen.
"No..I-uh..What I meant to say before was…"
"I love you." he muttered under his breath.
"Huh?"
" .You." he said, ears tinged pink.
Aleshk smiled, "I didn't know you could blush!"
For the splitest of split seconds, Kazeharu's eyes flickered to Aleshk's lips. She saw.
"My my, getting a bit bold there, aren't you? Well…I wouldn't mind I guess!"
Haru blushed deeper.
"Now…How do you even blush? I've never done so!"
"..."
"Cat's got your tongue?"
"..."
"Hah!"
"..."
"What's that mischievous look for?"
"..." Haru stepped closer.
"Kazeharu?"
"..."
"AH!" she squeaked as Haru kissed her lips and she dropped her pen.
She froze in place.
"You said you wouldn't mind." Kazeharu smirked.
Haru was greeted with clapping upon walking back into the Sanctuary.
"We didn't expect you to kiss her!" Ventu exclaimed.
Kazeharu paled.
"Great job!" Paimon cheered.
"We did it. Let's get out of here." Dottore said.
"I bet you loved playing a bit of matchmaker." Childe said to Columbina.
"I know I didn't." Dottore said.
The three Harbingers turned and left.
"She's still frozen in place!" the Traveller laughed.
"Paimon thinks it spread to Wanderer! Wanderer!" Paimon yelled, waving her hand in front of Haru's face.
"Stop it, you annoying insect!"
"Paimon's not an annoying insect, right?"
"Yeah, she's emergency food!" Venti joked.
"PAIMON IS NOT EMERGENCY FOOD! RIGHT, TRAVELLER?"
"She's loud and always hungry emergency food."
"HEY! Nahida?"
"She's the best…Emergency food!"
"You too!?" Paimon wailed.
"Sorry emer-Paimon."
"HMPH!" Paimon huffed.
Meanwhile, Aleshk was still frozen, one hand in the same place it was when she was holding her pen, the other touching her lips.
PAGE BREAK
Who knows how long later
*Pop*
"Hello Xiao!"
"Hey."
"I'm inviting you and Zhongli to tea and…well it should be crumpets but we'll make it almond tofu. Will you come?"
"Sure…"
*Pop!*
"Oh, hello, Gia. Congratulations on your kiss." Zhongli greeted.
"How'd you know about that!?" Gia exclaimed.
"All the archons know. Speaking of, Ei told me to tell you to 'Prepare to suffer…eternal teasing!'"
Gia froze.
"Gia? Gia? Aleshk?" Zhongli called.
"..."
"Are you…alright?" Xiao asked.
"..."
"Okay then…"
"Tea and tofu with me and Xiao. The usual place in an hour…"
*Pop!*
PAGE BREAK
An hour later
"Xiao! Is my almond tofu alright?"
"Yes."
"Good. I don't wanna sully it!"
"Do you find this tea pleasant?" Zhongli inquired.
"It's tea…What do you think?"
"You like it. So, was the kiss pleasant?" asked Zhongli.
"..."
"Why did you ask that?" Xiao questioned.
"I simply wished to know." he answered.
"Uhm…Yeah I'm skipping that question. How did all the archons find out?"
"That bard. Speaking of, it reek of wine. Has he just been through here?"
"Venti did come tell you about the kiss, so perhaps that's why you can still smell the wine."
"Makes sense, Aleshk." Xiao agreed.
30 minutes later
"Venti's calling for me, bye!"
"Goodbye." the two others said.
*Pop!*
The End